


Path of Glittering Darkness

by Diamond_Raven



Series: The Path Series [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Childhood Physical Abuse, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Friendship, Gen, Healing, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, Non-Graphic Violence, Torture, non-graphic childhood sexual abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-06-01
Updated: 2002-06-01
Packaged: 2019-08-09 21:27:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 286,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16457543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diamond_Raven/pseuds/Diamond_Raven
Summary: Having spent his childhood suffering horrendous abuse from his father, Severus is rescued by Dumbledore and brought to Hogwarts, where he starts to heal and meets his best friend, Lily Evans. When everything falls apart, he’s seduced by the darkness and joins the Voldemort. After hitting rock bottom, he finds the strength to abandon the Death Eaters and returns to Hogwarts.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written prior to the release of OOTP, before we knew anything about Snape’s childhood and certain characters (like Bellatrix Lestrange) hadn’t been fleshed out in canon yet. As a result, my take on Snape’s childhood, his relationship with Lily and Bellatrix and other details are not canon compliant, but other elements are.

**September 3rd, 1965**

**Snape Manor**

 

Severus shoved a strand of his shoulder length hair behind his ear and fidgeted around on the stool he was standing on. He was bored.

Father had called him down to the cellar two hours ago for him to help with some potion experiments. Severus had excitedly stumbled down the iron stairs and down the dark hallway towards his Father’s workshop. Potion experiments were always exciting. Severus loved watching his Father mixing various liquids around cauldrons, their beautiful colors shimmering beneath the damp darkness which cloaked the small room. But today was different. As soon as Severus had pushed open the heavy door to the workshop—after letting the shrieking Banshee which guarded the door smell his hand and let him pass—he had known something would be different.

The first thing he noticed was that the fires weren’t burning beneath the cauldrons. The next thing he noticed was three stunned Muggles lying strapped to the tables where his father usually cut up rat tails and nettles.The last thing he noticed was that his Father’s eyes were glowing that emerald green color.

Severus knew what that meant. It meant Father had taken some of that green powder he kept in small vials all around the house and had crushed it in his hands until green flames erupted from his palms. Then he’d swallow the flames and his eyes would glow like this. Severus didn’t know the name of the green fire, nor did he understand why his Father used it so often. All his four year old mind knew was that he didn’t like the effect the green fire had on his Father. Father was always angrier and had much less patience than when he hadn’t swallowed the green flames.

His Father had barely glanced at him when he entered, but had only muttered that Severus should pull over a stool and watch him prepare ‘the subjects’.

After two hours of watching his Father mixing various potions together and feeding them to the stunned, motionless Muggles, Severus was really getting bored. He thought it would be exciting. He had never before been allowed to watch his Father testing ‘the subjects’. Whenever the thestrals which ran around the courtyard of their manor would bring back Muggles from the nearby towns, his Father would get very excited and would disappear into the cellar for days, only emerging for meals and to get more of that emerald green powder Severus despised.

But now that he had spent two hours of watching the Muggles twitch slightly and their eyes flutter from time to time, he decided he really didn’t understand why Father always got so excited when the thestrals brought him Muggles. It certainly didn’t seem so exciting.

Severus glanced at his Father, whose glowing green eyes were staring in concentration at the drops of a blue liquid he was dropping into one of the Muggles mouth. His Father wasn’t paying a bit of attention to him so Severus felt quite safe in glancing around himself for something more entertaining to see.

He caught a small movement out of the corner of his eye and glanced into the darkened corner. He frowned and squinted until he could make out a small, hunched figure crouching in the darkness and shifting around from time to time. Severus didn’t even need to see the elf’s dirty pillowcase wrapped around him or his missing ear or the scar across one of his cheeks to recognize his favourite house-elf, Gorgon. The other house-elves called him Gorgy and the old elf called himself Gorgy, but Severus always thought the name was undignified, so he always called the elf Gorgon.

Severus shot him a tiny grin and was glad to see Gorgon grinning back at him. Because of the long scar cutting across one of his cheeks, the elf’s smile always looked hideous and lopsided, especially considering the rotting or missing teeth filling his mouth, but Severus was too used to it to care.

How Gorgon had managed to sneak into the workshop was beyond him. He knew that elves had some powerful magic which wizards didn’t have, but he still couldn’t understand how the old elf had crept past the banshee outside the door without her screaming the house down.

He was just about to wave a tiny finger at Gorgon, when suddenly, a harsh, cold voice interupted his thoughts.

“Severus!”

Severus jerked his head back around and grabbed the edge of the table to prevent himself from falling off his stool. He stared up at the angry, narrowed, glowing eyes of his Father, who was still holding a vial of clear blue fluid in his hands.

“Yes, sir?” he whispered, never managing to keep the fear out of his voice. He hated it when Father was angry. The end results were always painful and not fun at all.

“You weren’t paying attention.” The smooth, icy voice cut through the silence of the twitching Muggles on the table.

Severus gripped the edge of the table even harder. “Yes, I was, sir.”

His Father glared at him. “In that case, what is the name of this blue liquid I have in my hands?”

Severus quickly glanced at the potion, desperately trying to remember its name. His Father had made him read a book about basic potions just a week ago and had tirelessly quizzed Severus on all of the potions names, characteristics and ingredients. He tried to remember which one was blue, but he couldn’t think of a single one. He was about to point out that his Father had never taught him that one, but he knew this answer would only make his Father angrier.

Trembling slightly, he swallowed hard. “I don’t know, sir.”

His Father’s eyes narrowed until Severus could barely see the green glow in them.

“How do you expect to learn anything if you don’t pay attention to the simplest matters?”

Father’s voice was silky and smooth now. Severus shuddered. He knew Father always got quieter when he got angrier.

“I-I don’t quite know, sir.” Severus whispered.

His Father slammed the vial onto the table so hard that the glass shattered and blue liquid splattered onto the table, the still twitching, stunned Muggles and Severus’s black robe.

“And why are you whispering? How many times do I have to tell you I don’t tolerate whispering? Whispering is a sign of weakness. Do we accept weakness in this house?”

Severus quickly shook his head. He knew the answer to that question. “No, sir.” He made sure his voice was louder than before, even if it shook a little.

His Father was still glaring, his hands shaking as he absentmindly clenched broken shards of glass into his fist.

“And how many times do I have to tell you to pay attention? Otherwise, you’ll remain the worthless, stupid little shit you are. Do we accept worthless, stupid shits in this house? Huh? Do we?”

Severus quickly shook his head again as his eyes widened and he took a step back. His back foot slipped off the stool and he stumbled but quickly stood back up. He had learned very quickly to always keep his chin up and look his Father directly into the eyes.

“No, sir, we don’t.”

His Father slammed the shards onto the table. “Of course we don’t! We never have and never will. And to ensure that, what happens if someone is stupid or weak?”

A cold shudder ran down Severus’s back. He knew the answer to this one too. His eyes widened and he could feel his lip trembling, but he bit down on it.

“They need to be punished and learn their lesson.” He said, forcing his tiny voice above a whisper.

“That’s right.” His Father hissed at him before stepping around the table towards Severus. “I think a few hours in the dungeon will help you learn when to be stupid and weak and when not to be.”

Severus took a step back from his father, hands trembling. Not the dungeon. Not again. He hated the dungeon. It was cold, dark and slimy. It terrified him.

His Father was walking towards him, hands shaking and a cold sneer on his face. Severus bit his lip as hard as he could to keep from crying. He could feel the tears in the corners of his eyes, but he knew that there was almost nothing Father despised more than crying.

His Father pulled his wand out of his robe and muttered something. Ropes sprang from the ends of the black wand and wound tightly around Severus’s wrists. As they tightened, his Father jerked on his wand. As the tight rope cut into his tender wrists, Severus uttered small cry and fell to his knees.

His Father spun around and was about to start dragging him to the dungeon, when suddenly, something came running out of the darkness and threw itself at his Father’s feet.

Severus quickly blinked his tears back and bit his shaking lip as he glanced around his Father’s feet to see who was brave enough to stand in the way of Seranius Snape dealing out proper punishment.

He immediately recognized the filthy yellow pillow case and the missing ear. It was Gorgon.

“Get the hell out of my way, you filthy swine.” His Father hissed down at the elf.

Gorgon glanced up. “Please, master, please no punish young master again. Not young masters fault that he no pay attention. Was all Gorgy’s fault, master. All Gorgy’s fault. Gorgy being bad elf and distracting young master from important work—”

“Shut your filthy mouth elf! When I want your opinion, I’ll ask for it!”

Gorgon glanced at the still shaking four year old cowering behind the tall figure of his master and tried one more time. He reached over and grabbed a handful of his master’s robes.

“Please, master! No punish young master! Punish Gorgy. All Gorgy’s fault sir.”

Severus glanced up at his Father, but could see from the set of his jaw and the narrowed slits of his glowing eyes that he wasn’t changing his mind. Father rarely changed his mind. But Severus was always amazed at Gorgon’s willingness to throw himself into the line of fire for his young master.

Without a word, his Father lifted one of his feet and kicked the old elf so hard that Severus heard two of his ribs crack. Gorgon flew across the room and collided with a rack of empty vials, flew over a cauldron and finally hit the wall where Father kept the pinned up heads of his most successful ‘subjects’ after they had died.

A small cry escaped Severus’s lips when he saw Gorgon’s still form lying in a crumbled heap. His Father spun around and glared down at him, and Severus quickly bit his lip.

His Father glanced at the elf one last time. “Unless you piece of filth can learn when to keep your mouth shut and when not to, it won’t be your ear I’ll rip off next time, elf, I promise you that.” He snarled, before spinning around and jerking on his wind.

Severus was jerked forward and skid along the floor, the hard stone tiles digging through his thin robe. He tried to stand up, but his Father’s long strides made it impossible. He was dragged through the workshop’s door and down the dimly lit, cold hallway towards the metal door at the end. Digging through his robe’s pockets, his Father pulled out a small, silver key and unlocked the door. Throwing it open with a creaky whine, he jerked his wand and Severus flew into the tiny, dark room, landing against the far wall with a painful thud. His Father muttered something else and the ropes untied from his hands and flew back into the wand they had come from. Without another word, his Father waved his wand and the door flew shut, leaving Severus alone in the darkness.

He heard the door being locked and then the swift steps of his Father going back into his workshop and slamming the heavy door behind him.

Severus couldn’t see a thing in the darkness. He slowly edged along the wall until he sat in the corner furthest from the door. He knew the room well enough to know that there wasn’t anything in it. He had sat in here for enough hours in his short life to have explored it in exhausting detail. He knew there were exactly 25 tiles on the floor, five rows of five. He also knew that the third tile in the second row could be lifted off the floor and that underneath it, Gorgon had dug a small hole and hidden a small bowl, in case Severus had to go to the bathroom while he was locked in.

He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, shivering in the damp coldness of the dungeon. The tiles felt like ice and bit into his skin through his thin robe.

Leaning his head against the wall, he tried to think of something to do. Sometimes he’d only be locked in for a few hours, but sometimes, when Father had had too much of the green fire, Father would forget about him for a few days. Then Severus would quickly get bored.

He’d run over potion ingredients he knew, what potions they could be used for and what possible effects the potions could have. Then he recited lists of basic charms and curses he had read about in the books his Father kept in the library. As a last resort, he’d recite the 27 generations of pure blood wizards and witches who made up the extensive Snape family tree. He’d done this so many times, he could even match every persons name with their portrait hanging in the main hallway.

He sat quietly, not moving and not speaking, letting his mind take him far away from the damp darkness of the dungeon and the fear which still clutched him.

He was just in the process of chewing his lip and frowning in frustration as he tried to remember whether Scarab beetles had to be boiled before being crushed or used raw, when a flash of light lit up the darkness.

Severus jerked his hand up to his eyes and turned away, the bright light stinging his eyes. Fading as soon as it had come, the light disappeared. Severus blinked a few times, trying to let his eyes adjust back to the darkness they had become accustomed to. It was then that he noticed the small, hunched figure crouching next to him.

“Gorgy very sorry, young master. Tried to come earlier, but had to fix ribs first. Were broken.” Gorgon threw his hands up and shrugged as if he couldn’t understand how that could have possibly happened.

Severus chuckled and relaxed a bit. He wasn’t alone anymore.

“I was beginning to think I would have to sit here and recite potion ingredients and charms all by myself.”

Gorgon shook his head so vigorously that his wrinkled ear flapped around his head.

“Of course not, young master. Gorgy always here for young master. Just sometimes, takes a little while to apparate. Hard to do with broken ribs.”

As he talked, the elf reached behind him and pulled over a small bundle he had apparated with him. Opening it, he pulled out a sandwich and handed it to Severus. Then he shot Severus that mischievous, lop sided grin and waggled his eyebrows.

Severus frowned at him as he unwrapped the sandwich. “What? What are you so excited about?”

The elf waggled his eyebrows again before reaching back into the bundle and pulling out a large, leather bound book. “Brought young master a present to read. Gorgy thought might be more interesting than reciting long list of masters and mistresses.”

Severus’s eyes lit up and he grabbed the book from Gorgon’s grasp. He smoothed a hand over the soft leather cover, his eyes shining with excitement.

“Mischievous Curses and Pranks.”

Gorgon nodded, equally excited. “That one was book young master and Gorgy not read yet, so Gorgy thought now would be good time.”

Severus had already opened the book and was leafing through it, having forgotten about the sandwich. His eyes were still shining.

“Oh, Gorgon, I wish I had a wand already! I can’t wait to try all these things.” He sighed.

Gorgon nodded patiently. “Gorgy knows, young master. But young master must be patient. Master said young master would get wand when five years old. Not too much time to wait still. Young master must wait little bit longer.”

Severus scowled. “Waiting is boring and tedious.”

Gorgon chuckled. “Waiting is art young master not learned yet.”

Severus stuck his tongue out at the old elf, before turning his attention back to the book. He turned another page over and eagerly skimmed the page. As he was about to turn another page over, the paper scrapped the sensitive, bleeding skin of his wrists. Severus let out an involuntary hiss.

Gorgon dropped the blanket he was unfolding from the bundle and quickly scurried to Severus’s side.

“Where does it hurt, young master?”

Severus waved him off. “It’s nothing. It doesn’t matter.”

“Matters if it hurts. Young master show Gorgy where it hurt. Gorgy will fix.”

Scowling, Severus held up his wrists. The old elf reached into his pillow case dress and pulled out a thin, crooked wand. He shook it a few times.

“Lumos.” He whispered at it. The wand shuddered weakly and let out a tiny flicker of light before dying. Gorgon scowled and vigorously rubbed the tip of the wand between his fingers.

“Lumos.” He tried again. The end of the wand lit up in a bright flare. Severus blinked from the brightness before hunching over and joining the elf in staring at his cut wrists. They looked a lot worse than they felt. The skin was purple and swollen and the thin, crimson cuts across them were trickling of blood.

Gorgon shook his head and tutted to himself before extinguishing his wand and muttering a healing spell. Severus felt a small warmth prickling his skin. He knew that that wasn’t what it was supposed to feel like.

Gorgon scowled at his wand and shook it a few times before rubbing the tip again and trying again.This time, Severus felt a sudden, warm glow spreading over his wrists and absorb into his sore, cut skin. When Gorgon muttered “Lumos” one more time, Severus could see the spell working. The cuts were closing, the swelling was vanishing and the purple color of his skin returned to normal.

Severus smiled gratefully at the elf, who was turning his wrists around, checking to make sure it had worked efficiently.

“Thank you, Gorgon.”

Gorgon waved the gratitude away. “Young master not need to thank Gorgy.”

Severus smiled and thought about how lucky he was to have such a good friend. A friend who could apparate into the darkest, coldest places with food and books and who could fix your hurts with just a small, muttered spell.

He frowned, suddenly having thought of something. “Gorgon?”

The elf looked up from where he was unfolding the blanket for Severus to sit on. “Yes, young master?”

Severus shuffled over and sat onto the warm blanket, feeling the warmth seep through his robe. He glanced at the elf, who was busy unwrapping Severus’s sandwich and placing it beside him and folding the empty blanket he had brought everything in.

“First of all, come here and sit on the blanket. Your feet will get cold. Second of all, why do you have a wand? None of the other house-elves have one. I thought elves didn’t need wands. You have your own magic.”

Gorgon shuffled over and sat down beside his young charge. “Very true, young master. Elves have own magic, very powerful magic. Can apparate where we want, can levitate objects, can do lots of things, but elves not able to do healing spells. So one day, Gorgy goes to mistress when she summons Gorgy and she gives Gorgy wand and says she found it and Gorgy should use to it and learn healing spells to help young master, so that’s what Gorgy did.”

Severus nodded. That would make sense. His mother never spoke much to anyone. She always looked dazed and confused and very sleepy, but in the few moments that she seemed a bit more alive, she always called Gorgon to her and gave him strange instructions. She had been the one to tell him to apparate into the dungeon when Severus got locked in and bring him food. The books and the bowl beneath the tile had been Gorgon’s own ideas. It made sense that she would be the one to give the old elf a barely functioning wand and tell him to learn healing spells.

Satisfied with that answer, Severus took the sandwich from Gorgon and split it in half, handing half of it to Gorgon. As they both sat there, munching on it, Severus pulled the book onto his lap and slid it over so the elf beside him could see the drawings too.

Clearing his throat and wiping crumbs off the fragile old paper, Severus slowly started sounding out the words and reading. Soon, the four year old boy failed to be sitting in a cold dungeon on a blanket beside an aging, disfigured elf, but he was lost in a wonderful world of magic, spells and power.

Gorgon smiled when he saw the far away look in his young master’s eyes as he carefully read through another page.

 

**May 13th, 1967**

**Snape Manor**

 

Severus bit his lip and frowned in concentration as he carefully stirred the full cauldron. It was light purple and was steaming slightly and emitting sparks from time to time.

He glanced beside him where Gorgon was sitting on the table amid leftover scarab beetles, rat tail bits, knives and open potion books.

“Is it supposed to be sparking? It’s supposed to be a draught of peace potion.”

Gorgon leaned over as he squinted through the smoke and ran a finger down the page. He glanced up at his young master.

“Book says only spark when add too much powdered frog brains. Book says young master should add two drops of hellebore syrup and stir two times, clockwise.”

Nodding, Severus pulled his wand out and faced the far wall of the workshop where shelves lined with hundreds of different potion ingredients and preserved animal and plant parts lined the entire wall.

He took careful aim with his wand where he knew the syrup was. “Accio hellebore.” He said, loudly and clearly, exactly the way Gorgon had told him to.

For a moment, he felt a cold dread when he thought the bottle wouldn’t move and he had failed again. For the past year, his father checked his wand every night, muttering “Priori Incantato” at it and checking if Severus’ spells had been efficient and strong enough to succeed. If he had done terribly and messed up more than five spells in one day, his father would either lock him into the dungeon, or—when he had had a lot of the green fire—he would turn his wand on Severus and mutter “Crucio” at him. The pain was excrutiating and always felt like it would tear him apart, but it would always stop after a few moments. Then Severus would lie there, shaking, his throat raw from screaming and biting his lip so hard to keep the tears at bay that a trickle of blood would always drip down his chin. Then his Father would hiss at him to do better tomorrow and that imperfection wasn’t tolerated in this household.

Severus held his breath as he stared at the bottle.

Gorgon had looked up from the book and was looking at him. “Young master not give up. Bottle being stubborn. Young master must push all energy and power through wand tip. Imagine young master trying to reach through wand with mind and pull bottle to him.”

Severus bit his lip and narrowed his eyes as he stared at the bottle with such concentration that he felt the rest of the room disappearing around him. He felt all of his energy gathering itself together and forced it through his wand and directly at the bottle.

Suddenly, the bottle shook slightly and slowly, lifted off the shelf and drifted across the room until it hung, patiently and quietly, about an inch from his wand tip.

Severus was still concentrating so hard that he forgot to reach out and grab the bottle. Before the spell broke and the bottle smashed to the floor, Gorgon frowned at the bottle and impatiently muttered for it to land on the table. Shaking slightly and unsure whose powers to obey, the bottle finally drifted over a bit and landed on the table.

Severus let out a huge breath and stared at the bottle with huge eyes. “I did it, Gorgon.” He whispered, completely amazed.

Gorgon nodded, grinning widely, terribly proud of his young master. “Yes, young master did it. Gorgy knows was hard. Bottle heavy and needed lots of energy, but young master did it.”

Severus took a few deep breaths, still staring at the bottle. “It was a lot harder than the quills we’d been practicing on.” He muttered. He grabbed the bottle and leaned over the cauldron and carefully measured out two drops.

Gorgon nodded. “Heavy and big objects harder than small ones. Young master get better when older and stronger.”

Severus grabbed the wooden spoon from the counter and stirred the light purple potion slowly and precisely, just as Gorgon had instructed.

Abruptly, the sparking stopped. Severus grinned, a tiny, shy smile. Gorgon smiled back. His Father didn’t like it if Severus smiled too much, since he said it seemed weak and undignified, but Gorgon had said that all children should smile from time to time.

Severus was about to reach over for an empty flask, when a sudden scream pierced the air. Severus nearly dropped the flask and Gorgon’s eyes widened. The scream echoed madly around the cellar’s long dark hallway until it tappered off into a moaning wail.

Severus had whipped around and stared at the door, thinking the Banshee had finally gone mad and decided to kill them all, but then he remembered. The muggle woman Father had been experimenting on for days had gone completely mad. Whether this was from the mixture of lethal, painful potions his Father forced down her throat or the mutterings of “Crucio” which caused her to scream for hours at a time whenever his Father wasn’t pleased with the test results, Severus had no idea, but either way, the woman had gone completely mad. His Father had locked her into the dungeon and kept her chained to the wall to prevent her from slamming her head into the wall (Father had lost quite a few subjects that way, Severus remembered) and to keep her from lunging at his Father. His Father visited her a few times a day, sometimes carrying potions, bits of food (which he always seemed to bring back upstairs with him) or with nothing.

Why she was screaming and wailing now was beyond Severus. His Father wasn’t in there with her and the Banshee was chained securily to the doorframe of the workshop. Nothing and no one could get into the dungeon.

Gorgon shrugged. “Crazy muggles, nobody understands them.”

Severus sighed, slightly irritated with her. He had nearly dropped the flask. Father wouldn’t have been happy about that. “Well, she’s irritating. I wish Father would keep her quiet. She is a nuisance and is disrupting our work.”

Gorgon shrugged again. “Nothing we can do, young master. Muggle will be dead in a few days when master get sick of her.”

Severus nodded, knowing this as well as Gorgon.

Reaching for the spoon, he  started to fill up the empty flask, casting another irritated look at the door when another wailing moan reached his ears.

 

**August 27th, 1967**

**Snape Manor**

 

Severus slowly walked up the iron stairs, Gorgon at his heels. Severus stretched as he reached the top of the stairs and flicked his wand at the door and muttered a charm at it. A tiny smile tugged on his lips when the door swung open. He walked through, his black robe trailing along the floor behind him. When he heard the elf scrambling up the last step and through the door, Severus glanced behind him and pointed his wand at the door and muttered the counter charm. Although the door wobbled slightly and groaned in protest, it obediently slammed shut.

Satisfied, Severus wound through the long hallway towards the dining hall. Along the way, he ignored the mounted heads of old house elves his Father had had beheaded and stuck onto the wall and the glaring, pale faces of his deceased relatives portraits. Some of the portraits had dark curtains pulled shut over them. Severus had only opened one of them once. The woman in the portrait had right away started screaming and crying. She had behaved the same way Father’s insane subjects in the dungeon always behaved. Severus had stared at her, utterly terrified and confused, not able to tear his eyes away from the woman’s long, black hair and glowing green eyes. Then, one of his Father’s house-elves had come rushing over, its huge, deranged eyes staring at him, hissing at him not to touch masters mother’s portrait. The elf had yanked the curtains shut and stood there, glaring and snarling at him until Severus had walked away.

It wasn’t until a few years later that Severus made the connection between his Father’s and his grandmother’s glowing green eyes. And it wasn’t until a few month ago, when Severus had been reading a book about powerful magical drugs, that he finally found the name of the green fire his Father liked so much.

Hell’s Breath. It was a powerful, magical and incredibly addictive drug and its effects were so strong that the user became incredibly violent and paranoid when under its influence. After prolonged use, the drug eventually drove its addicts insane. Severus hadn’t mentioned a word of it to Gorgon, although the elf had seen the book and had given a sad shake of his head and sighed about “poor young master”.

Severus reached the dining room door and flicked his wand at it again. It obediently swung open. He stepped through and immediately walked over to his Father’s seat at the head of the long table. The light of some candles hovering above the table in front of him reflected in his Father’s dark obsidian eyes, which weren’t glowing emerald green for once.

Severus waited patiently as house-elves scurried around the room. Some of the old, deranged ones were muttering to themselves and dragging around dead cats or muggle heads but some of the younger ones were bringing plates of food to the table. They held the dish up and bowed low as his Father inspected it. The dish would either be waved away or be gestured closer. When it was waved away, the elves would rush back to the kitchen and dispose of it. When it was gestured closer, an elf set it onto the table.

His Father would flick his wand and a spoon would rise from the table and scoop up a portion and place it onto his empty plate. Then the dish would quietly set itself onto the table. Father always served himself first, before anyone else even sat down. Those were the rules.

After his Father waved away three dishes and served himself two, he finally glanced up at Severus.

“What did you do today?”

Severus politely held his hands behind his back. He always felt slightly unnerved without Gorgon behind him, but the old elf wasn’t allowed in the dininghall.

“I finished another chapter of the magical fungi book and made a Shrinking Solution. I altered one of the ingredients so it should attack the fingers of whoever consumes it.”

His Father smirked coldly. “Would this be why that little whore of an elf in the kitchen started shrieking that her fingers were missing?”

Severus swallowed a satisfied grin. “Yes, sir. Would you like me to brew the counter potion tomorrow, sir?”

His Father tapped a finger against his thin lips. “No. We’ll see how the wench does without her fingers. If she can’t handle it, I’ll remove her fingers permanently so she can have more practice.”

Severus nodded. His Father gave a wave of his hand. “Sit down.”

Severus walked half way down the table and sat in his usual seat. An elf came hurrying over and served him his dinner. He was glancing around, wondering where his mother was, when suddenly, the door opened and she stood there, framed in the doorway.

Her long black hair hung in thin wisps around her deathly pale face. Her eyes were huge and she stared into the diningroom as if she wasn’t really seeing it. Her thin, pale hands trembled as she stood there, looking slightly dazed and confused.

His Father swallowed his mouthful and glanced at her. “Come, Herania. Sit down.”

His mother continued staring at absolutely nothing and didn’t appear to hear what he’d said, but her feet obediently walked to the end of the table and she sat down.

Immediately, an elf hurried over and served her. She sat there, her face blank and her eyes dull and unseeing. She stared across the table at her husband, without really seeing him.

His Father clenched his jaw with slight annoyance. “Don’t stare at me. Eat already.” He hissed across the table.

She tilted her head slightly. “Yes, husband.” She whispered in a thin, frail voice. Reaching for her utensils, she started slowly and methodically eating, cutting her food into precise squares and chewing them an exact number of times before swallowing. All the time, she continued staring at her husband without really seeing him.

Severus had wanted to tell his mother about his potion, but he knew that she wouldn’t be really interested. On days like this, she just stared past him and didn’t even notice he was there. If she accidently bumped into him, she would smile faintly and whisper “Pardon me” at him and then slowly drift past him. But on some days, she seemed more alive. On those days, she would always seem much more tired, but she would smile more and her eyes would actually see him. Sometimes she’d recognize him and tell him she loved him. And on the very rare days, she would call for Gorgon and have a discussion with him. These never lasted for long and would always be interupted by his Father sweeping into the room and muttering “Imperio” at his mother again and sending her back into her dazed, lost existence.

 

**April 6th, 1968**

**Snape Manor**

 

Severus shook slightly and bit his lip as he shut the door of his bedroom behind him. Taking a deep breath, he took his wand out and glared at it. Clenching it, he scowled and threw it across the room, watching with some satisfaction as it hit the wall and let out a bright green spark before hitting the floor.

He numbly walked to his bed and sat down. This was the part he hated. Waiting for his Father to come upstairs and check his wand. He especially hated it on days like this. Nothing had gone right today. The book he tried to summon fell onto the floor so resoundly it was as if someone had thrown it down and the door he’d tried to open swung open not only remained closed but locked itself so securily that Gorgon had to come along and mutter and shake his finger at it until it decided to open again.

Severus pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his thin arms around them, still shaking. Biting his lip, he tried to push his fear away, but he found it impossible. Father would be angry. Very angry. Severus had been nothing but stupid and imperfect today and he knew Father despised that. Especially when his Father had had enough of his green fire.

Severus buried his head in his arms and quietly rocked back and forth, trying to quell the fear which was rising within him. He found himself fervently wishing for Gorgon to come and sooth his fears, but his Father never tolerated the old elf being around when he came to check Severus’ wand.

As always, he found all his senses heightened by his fear and he immediately heard the creak of the old wooden stairs as someone slowly walked up them. That was his Father.

Taking a deep, shaking breath, ready for whatever pain awaited him, he forced himself to stand up and for his trembling legs to support him.

Suddenly, he remembered his wand and ran over to where it had fallen. Clenching it in sweaty, small hands, he quietly straightened up and faced the door, clenching his jaw tightly to keep it from shaking.

His bedroom door flew open and banged into the wall beside it. His Father took two slow steps into the room and with a flick of his wrist, slammed the door shut. Severus felt the fear clutching at his heart as it always did when he felt his last chance of escape being blocked off.

“Good—good evening, sir.” He said, forcing himself not to whisper.

His Father stared at him, green eyes slightly unfocused. He pointed his wand at his seven year old son. “Expelliarmus.”

Severus felt his tight grip on his wand loosen and his wand flew through the air and stopped a few inches from his Father’s wand tip and remained there, hovering in the air.

“Priori Incantato.” His Father’s quiet voice sounded like shattering glass in the complete silence of the room.

Severus bit his lip so hard he knew he was going to make it bleed, but he was busy staring at his wand with wide eyes, hoping by some miracle that the wand would lie to his Father.

He watched as a grey vapor poured out of his wand and formed the ghostly image of a shut door. The door trembled slightly, but other than that, remained shut. As the image slowly drifted away and deformed until it became nothing but wisps of vapor again, more of the smoke turned into a large book and drifted onto the floor as fast as the vapor could possibly go.

His Father stared down at the ghostly image of the book as the vapor swirled across the floor. Slowly, he raised his glowing eyes to his son. “Deletrius.” He hissed at the wand and instantly, the grey smoke swirled and vanished. With a jerk of his wrist, Seranius sent the hovering wand flying back to its owner. Severus was shaking too badly and too scared to react fast enough to catch it and the slim black wand fell to the floor and rolled beneath the bed.

His Father stood there, his eyes narrowing into slits and drug fuelled anger consuming him.

“How many times do we have to go over this?” he whispered, his voice icy and cold enough to make Severus shake even more. “We do not tolerate imperfection in this house. We do not tolerate stupidity. Why is this so difficult to comprehend?”

Severus forced his shaking, clenched jaw apart. “I-I don’t—don’t know, sir.” He said, his voice breaking from fright. He wanted nothing more than to run from this room and run away from the pain and hurt he knew were only moments away.

His Father’s face was pale and angry as he glared down at him. “I’ll tell you why. It’s because you’re stupid, lazy and completely and utterly worthless.” He spat at him.

Severus nodded. This much he knew. After all, who else would mess up a simple summoning charm after having practiced for months?

“I know, sir.”

His Father’s control snapped. “Well, do you also know that we don’t tolerate such abominations in this house?”

He nodded, shaking even more as he stared at his Father, fear hardly letting him breathe.

“And what do we do with such abominations?” His Father screamed at him.

Severus licked his dry lips, shaking so badly that his legs nearly gave out on him. “Punish them, sir.”

His Father glared at him, yanked his wand up and hissed “Crucio” at him.

It was as if red hot pins had been stabbed into every inch of his body. His breath caught and he fell to the floor as the pain engulfed him. His brain felt like it was on fire and he couldn’t see, hear or think anymore. He distantly heard screams being torn out of a raw throat, but was so consumed with pain that he didn’t realize it was himself screaming. He writhed around on the floor, trying desperately to ease the pain. Convulsing on the floor, he dug his fingers into the hard wooden floor, trying to rip some of the burning pins out of his body by digging them into the floor. He vaguely heard a snapping sound and felt his hands sliding across the floor, which now felt slicker than before. As time went on—seconds feeling like days—his sight started to darken and those horrible, piercing screams became fainter. He could feel himself still shaking, but he didn’t have the energy to try and twist out of the hot pins grasp anymore.

Suddenly, the pain vanished. It was like somebody had torn all the pins out of him at once. He lay there, shaking, hardly believing the pain had stopped. It always amazed him that the pain could be enveloping him one second and be gone the next.

He lay there, his breaths coming in harsh, short gasps, getting caught on the tears choking his parched throat. He could feel tears streaming down his face.

It was only after a few moments that he became aware of where he was. He was lying on the floor of his bedroom, his entire body aching in pain.

His Father was standing over him, his eyes wide and excited and he was breathing raggedly, although he didn’t look tired at all. Severus didn’t understand. His Father only looked this excited when he went to visit the mad muggles in the dungeon or the ‘subjects’ in the workshop.

“That wasn’t pleasant, was it?” His Father hissed down at him, his voice shaking from pent up excitement.

Severus tried to shake his head but his head exploded with pain just from the thought. His Father continued talking as Severus slowly tried moving his head a tiny bit and wiggling his feet to make sure they were there. His fingers sent waves of hot pain radiating down his arms whenever he moved them so he didn’t try.

He became vaguely aware that his Father was still hissing at him in that shaking voice, all the while, staring at him with wide, excited eyes which glowed eerily in the darkness of the room.

“You’re nothing, you hear me? Nothing. And I don’t tolerate people who are nothing in this family. Those filthy muggles in the dungeons, they used to be nothing too. But now, they serve their master and now they have some worth. I thought you wouldn’t be at the same level as a disgusting, worthless muggle, but it appears that I was mistaken.” He drew in a long, quivering breath and his eyes flashed. “Get on the bed.”

Severus’ mind was still ringing and screaming in pain and he had difficulty following his Father’s ramblings, but he did hear the command.

He nearly sobbed at the thought of having to move, but immediately, rolled himself over and slowly crawled across the floor, biting his lip to keep from screaming. He never asked why he should get onto the bed. All he was thinking about was keeping from screaming and crying from the pain which radiated through him at every tiny movement.

When he reached the edge of the bed, he reached up and was about to pull himself up, when his fingers exploded with pain and refused to bend properly. With a muffled cry and fresh tears springing into his eyes, he fell back to the floor.

He could feel his Father glaring at him. He had to hurry. He couldn’t appear weak. Slowly edging to the edge of the bed, he used his elbows to get onto his knees and then slowly crawled onto his bed, his battered and pain riddled body madly shaking from what Severus was forcing it to do.

He collapsed face down into his blankets, his exhausted legs hanging uselessly off the edge of the bed. He never wanted to move again.

He heard his Father’s harsh breathing from behind him. “Further up.”

Severus slowly raised himself onto his elbows and dragged himself inch by inch further across his mattress until he collapsed into his soft pillows. He nearly cried with relief. It was over. His Father would leave now and his abused, hurting body could rest. And Gorgon would come. Gorgon would come and heal him with spells and soothing words.

Suddenly, he felt his wrists being yanked up from either side of him and felt tight ropes being tied around them. For a moment, Severus thought he was being dragged down the dungeon again and he nearly dissolved into tears of fear. He didn’t want to go to the dungeon with its darkness and coldness.

When he felt the ropes being tied to the bed posts beside his pillows, he felt nothing except a faint relief that he probably wasn’t going to the dungeon. He didn’t understand what was going on, but knew he deserved whatever it was and only wished that it would be over soon.

His arms starting aching from the angle at which they were being held and his hands and wrists burned from pain. He bit his lip and buried his face in the pillow. He stared at the dark blue linen,watching dark spots dance across his eyes. He felt himself drifting away again and felt the pain of his body slowly fading away. The dark spots grew heavier and that ringing in his head threatened to overwhelm him.

He was barely aware of his robe being torn off him and the bed dipping as extra weight was put on it. The dark spots grew darker and swirled before his half closed eyes as he felt cold, shaking hands running down his back and going further down.

He was barely aware of someone shifting around behind him, until suddenly, a hot flare of pain erupted below his lower back and tore through his body so swiftly that his mind was overwhelmed with pain and finally, faded into darkness.

 

*             *             *

 

He heard voices in the darkness. He frowned, trying to understand why it was dark and why he was hearing voices.

As he struggled to understand the soothing, hushed voices, they became clearer and blended until they became one voice. Severus frowned again, ignoring the waves of pain running through his body. He knew that voice.

“Young master alright now. Gorgy here to take care of young master. Everything alright now.”

The soothing, quiet voice continued while small, gentle hands ran over his body.

Severus slowly opened his eyes. He desperately wanted to tell the elf to stop touching him since every touch lit a new fire beneath his burning, abused skin. He must have muttered something or let out a tiny sob, since the hands immediately stopped.

“There, there, young master. Gorgy knows it hurt. Gorgy trying to see how deep pain goes.” As the old elf gently touched his lower back again, Severus tried to keep from flinching, but was shaking so badly that Gorgon removed his hands at once and pulled out his wand. Rubbing the tip of the old, crooked wand, the elf mumbled several healing charms and frowned as he watched the dark bruises on the young child’s hips disappearing and scratches on his back closing back up.

Severus lay there, shaking and completely unaware of the tears streaming down his face. He had his face turned to the side and slowly followed the old elf’s movements as he slowly washed the blood and other liquids off him with a scourgifying charm and finished closing his wounds and healing his bruises. Severus slowly felt the pain dulling and vanishing in some places. He felt like sobbing from gratitude.

The elf was frowning and tutting to himself as he sent one last charm at his young masters battered body, before he reached into his pillow case robe and pulled out a small vial.

“Young master must drink this. Will knit bones in hands back together. Young master broken fingers when trying to grab floor.” Gorgon threw up one hand and shrugged. “Young master not realize floor has no handles. But doesn’t matter. Gorgy will fix hands quick.”

Severus opened his lips a bit and Gorgon coaxed some of the vile tasting green liquid down his throat. Severus immediately felt a burning sensation running through his fingers, but that disappeared after a moment and he was surprised when he could wiggle his fingers without them exploding in pain.

Then the old elf muttered at the closet doors to open and summoned one of Severus’ nightgowns to the bed.

“Can young master put gown on?” Gorgon whispered.

Severus continued staring at the wall beside his bed, finding it exhausting to simply form thoughts and mutter simple phrases. The thought of sitting up and moving around enough to pull his nightgown on nearly made him physically sick.

He slowly shook his head.

Gorgon nodded and with gentle, nimble hands, pulled the nightgown over his young charge’s head and down his body, all the while, muttering soothing words and tutting to himself.

Then he pulled the blankets tightly around him and moved his arms into a comfortable position.

Feeling the warmth surrounding him, Severus slowly pulled his legs up and lay on his side, curled up in a tiny ball. Except for a tiny ache by his lower back, he just felt exhausted, but didn’t hurt anymore. His elf’s magic had worked once again.

But suddenly, his throat tightened and he found himself suddenly aware of the room he was in again and memories of what had happened flooded his mind. The shock had worn off.

He clenched his hand into his pillow and squeezed his eyes shut as tears started streaming down his face. He didn’t understand. He knew he had deserved the pain and the humiliation because he was stupid and worthless, but he still didn’t understand why his Father enjoyed it so much.

Sobbing now, he bit his lip and forced himself to cry soundlessly, only slight tremors and the tears streaming down his face giving him away.

Gorgon shifted over and sat beside him, gently stroking his hair and cheek, wiping his tears away. Severus immediately grabbed one of Gorgon’s gnarled old fingers and clutched it in his own. The old elf didn’t say anything. He knew why his young master was crying. He was confused and scared, but the old elf knew he was too young to understand why his Father liked causing pain and fear so much.

So all the elf could do was mutter soothing words and sing ancient elf lullabies and wipe the tears off the young, pale cheeks. He sat there, never stopping the soft humming of songs passed down through hundreds of generations of house-elves. Gorgon neither knew nor cared how many hours had passed while he sat there, humming and soothing his young master, until finally, exhaustion claimed the tired and abused child and he fell into a deep slumber, tears still clinging to his dark eyelashes.

Gorgon shifted on the bed and leaned against the pillow, quietly fulfilling the vow he had sworn to his mistress many years ago to take care of his young master.

Never releasing the tight grip on his finger, the old elf continued quietly humming songs and patiently waited for the night to end.

 

**July 12th, 1970**

**Snape Manor**

 

Gorgon slowly walked up the flight of stairs leading to the upper floors of the mansion. There was the main, marble stairway leading upstairs which started at the far end of the large reception hall but there were two smaller, wooden stairs hidden behind two stone gargoyles in the hall. These were much easier to climb up than the cold, slippery marble steps.

“Grindelwald!” He hissed the curse as he lost his footing and slipped on one of the stairs. He squinted in order to make out the others and sighed. For the millionth time in his long life, he wanted to go and suggest his master allow the elves to carry torches with them. Gorgon knew his master’s eyes were sensitive from years of drug use and this was why there were hardly any lights in the house, just flickering candles in some corners, but Gorgon couldn’t understand why they couldn’t make some windows in the house. Even if they were covered in drapes, it would brighten the house a little bit and he wouldn’t be tripping on stairs. He had muttered about it once to his young master, but the sullen nine year old had simply glared at him and demanded to know why he would want more light in the house and why he would want windows to see outside. Gorgon understood why his young master was confused. In his nine years of life, his young master had only been outside once, when the two of them had snuck out to see the thestrals in the courtyard. Severus had been five. It had been raining and quite dark outside so Severus had found the light bearable and he had loved the tall, black horses which were tearing pieces of flesh off a Muggle corpse in the middle of the cobble stoned court yard. Unfortunately, the master had caught the two of them a short while later and had been unbelievably angry that Severus had snuck out without permission. Needless to say, neither Gorgon nor his young charge had stepped foot outside the manor since.

Reaching the top of the stairs, he hurried along the winding hallway until he reached his young master’s bedroom. He gently knocked on the door. Moments later, he heard a terse “Come in” being muttered at the door.

Gorgon gently tapped the door and it swung open. Stepping inside, he threw a small wave over his shoulder and the door shut itself.

Immediately, he spied his young master sitting in the far corner on the floor beside his bed. Just as he had suspected. If Gorgon couldn’t find the nine year old brewing potions or testing them on Muggles and mudbloods in the workshop, he was in his room, sitting on the floor with his nose buried in a book.

He had his knees pulled up to his chest and was balancing the heavy leather bound book on them. He was biting his lip and frowning in concentration as he pored over the page, completely ignoring everything around him.

It was only when Gorgon shifted from one foot to the other that Severus glanced up at him. A frown of annoyance flickered across his face, but his eyes remained dark and blank.

“What do you want?”

“Master sends Gorgy to tell young master to come down to dungeon.”

Severus frowned even more and lowered the book an inch. “The dungeon? We don’t test the subjects in the dungeon. We do all our work in the workshop. Only the worthless filth are in the dungeon and they’re of no use to anybody.”

Gorgon bit back the urge to say that they were of no educational use or scientific use but that his master had an entirely different use for them, but felt it wasn’t his place to say so.

“Master says will be educational for young master.”

Severus stared at him before sighing with annoyance and gently put the book onto the floor. Pushing himself up, he straightened his robe and tucked his wand safely away before striding across the floor and walking out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Moments later, Gorgon heard a small squeak of pain as someone went flying past the door. He recognized the sound as belonging to another house elf. He shrugged, dismissing the incident as the sole fault of the stupid elf. It was best to stay out of young masters way these days and anybody who didn’t was a fool and deserved whatever they got.

The old elf sighed as he straightened the book on the floor and pulled his wand out. Muttering a few cleaning charms, he watched as balls of dust disintegrated and the wood became shiny and polished. Young master shouldn’t get covered in dust while he slept. Gorgon glanced at the bed, eyes immediately darkening when he saw it. Even though he cleaned all the stains off the blankets and sheets and made the bed every single morning, he could still smell the stench of fear and pain which radiated from the crisp, clean sheets. He knew young master could feel it too, which was why he had been sleeping on the floor for the better part of two years now. Gorgon kept a clean pillow and a warm blanket hidden away beneath one of the floor boards and every night, his young master took them out and curled up with them on the floor. He couldn’t handle sleeping on the bed or even using the same blanket or pillow. He would lie curled up in a tiny, shaking ball, madly shaking the bed with fear the whole night and would never get any sleep. Finally, Gorgon had suggested he sleep on the floor and that Gorgon would watch over him. A few times a week, master would show up at his young charges bedroom door, eyes glowing that eerie fluorescent green, and a strange, excited sneer twisting his pale face. He would always check Severus’ wand and then either punish him for making mistakes or nod quietly for doing an admirable job, but at the end, the result was always the same. Either his master would get excited from punishing Severus, or he would already be panting from having been down in the dungeons, torturing half mad, half dead muggles and mudbloods. Whatever the reason was, Severus was always his release. If he got excited during the day, he used his personal house elves for the same purpose.

Gorgon wrinkled his nose. Deranged, filthy whores they all were. They used to be nice, clean, obedient house elves. Now, they just ran around, drooling, hissing, muttering and dragging around animal corpses and chewing on rats. They existed soley to fulfill their masters sexual urges, and as soon as they became too old to do that, they were beheaded and fed to the thestrals. Gorgon shook his head with disgust. He couldn’t stand them. He used to feel sorry for them until he saw how proud they were of serving their master in such humiliating ways.

One of them had even had the nerve to snigger and hiss to him that the young master should also feel proud to be serving master in such a way. Gorgon had flown into a rage and strangled the filthy, deranged slut with his bare hands before dragging it outside for the thestrals. Needless to say, nobody missed the elf after it was gone, but Gorgon had to admit he felt enormously satisfied after having killed it. Nobody had any right to say that about young master. That elf had forgotten its place and manners long ago.

Gorgon shook his head again. His anger at the elf quickly evaporated when he thought of his young master.

So much had changed over the past two years. Gone were the days when Severus would shoot him a grin over his shoulder or wave at him. Gone were the days when Gorgon could cheer him up and make him laugh by making funny faces or dancing around with his pillow case hiked up around his shoulders. The constant pain, humiliation and fear had robbed the young child of any emotion, never mind happiness and joy. He never smiled anymore and never laughed. He was terse and abrupt with Gorgon and could fly off into a rage at the slightest provocation. He rarely spoke anymore and only said something when someone asked him something or told him something and when he did say something, his responses were short, cold and often filled with razor sharp sarcasm that wounded Gorgon more than he liked to admit.

The old elf sighed sadly as he sat down beside the book Severus had been reading. His young master was getting lost in the darkness that cloaked this house and his life. All the elves, the mistress and the master had long ago become enveloped by  it, but Gorgon had always hoped that by some miracle, his young master wouldn’t be caught by the cold, hard grip of the darkness of this place, but day by day, he saw him slipping away. His eyes became emptier and darker, his words became shorter and harsher and hatred and fear were becoming his only two companions in life.

Not for the first time, Gorgon found himself fearing the day he would lose his young master entirely and be left with a creature of darkness filled with nothing but hate and a deranged love for evil.

 

**Oct. 23rd, 1970**

**Snape Manor**

 

Severus bit his lip, ignoring the blood trickling down his chin. He kept his face firmly pressed into the sweat stained pillow, willing himself to stay conscious. His arms ached and stung sharply from being tied to the bed posts but Severus ignored them, knowing they would go numb soon.

He felt the bed shift slightly as his Father pushed himself off it. Severus listened quietly to the sounds he knew so well. The rustling as robes were rearranged. The creak of the old floorboards as footsteps moved across them. The muttering of a spell and the groaning of the door swinging open. Then a last rustle of black silk robes and the creaking of floorboards before the door slammed shut, leaving Severus enclosed in darkness and silence.

He clenched his jaw to stop it from shaking and listened to his harsh, painfilled breaths grating through a tear choked throat. He squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to swallow. He wouldn’t cry. Not ever again. He refused to be so weak. The deranged muggles and mudbloods in the dungeon were weak and even though his Father often hissed how very much alike they all were, Severus refused to believe he was as deranged and worthless as them. Well, he might be stupid, imperfect and worthless, but he wasn’t weak.

Forcing his eyes open, he concentrated on slowing his breathing and ignoring the waves of pain coursing through his body.

He was hardly aware of small, gentle hands untying his wrists and the tender warmth which spread through him when quiet healing charms were muttered at his abused, tired body. He felt warm fabric being pulled over him and determined it was his nightgown. Then he felt an extra warm weight settling over him and knew it was his blankets.

He felt a hand smoothing strands of his hair behind his ear and could see Gorgon’s concerned, sad face beside him.

“Gorgy smelling more blood, young master. Must have bitten lip through. Turn face a little and let Gorgy fix quickly.” Gorgon whispered.

Severus didn’t move or give any indication that he had heard the old elf. He was still tottering on the edge of dissolving into tears and sobbing.

Gorgon shook his head sadly when he saw his young master’s trembling chin, his jaw clenched tightly and his eyes staring blankly at the pillow beneath him, not really seeing it.

Gorgon gently stroked the pale cheek. “Young master not need to be strong for Gorgy. Young master can cry if he needs to.” He whispered.

Severus didn’t move and didn’t respond, still fighting back tears and memories of hundreds of other nights like this.

Gorgon sighed sadly when his young master gave no indication of having heard him but just continued staring at the pillow. He didn’t like to see the young child locking his feelings away and forcing himself not to feel anything. It wasn’t healthy and only served to push him further into the darkness Gorgon was desperately trying to keep him away from.

The old elf leaned over and tried to catch Severus’ eyes, but the blank obsidian eyes just continued staring into the pillow.

Gorgon thought about doing a funny dance or making faces for him, but those only worked to cheer him up when he was in a sullen mood, not in these instances.

Gorgon stared around himself, wondering what he could do to draw his young charge out of the dark emptiness he had been pulled into. He knew he couldn’t keep him out of it forever, but pulling him a little closer to the edge would help a little bit.

Finally, Gorgon spied the many books stacked on the many bookshelves lining the walls of the small room. Grinning, he narrowed his eyes and quickly looked for one of Severus’ favourites. Seeing it, he pointed at it and waved it towards himself. Quickly, the book jumped off the shelf and drifted over to him.

Gorgon grabbed it and held it so that the title was inches away from his young master’s staring, unseeing eyes.

“Look, young master. One of favourites. Greatest All Time Pranks of 19th Century. Young master loves this book.”

When Severus still didn’t respond, Gorgon picked the book up and opened it. Squinting at the tiny letters, he sighed. “Grindelwald.” He muttered in annoyance. It was too dark in this room to see a single thing. Taking out his old, broken wand, he rubbed the tip and muttered “lumos” at it, carefully shielding the bright flare from his young master’s sensitive eyes. Putting the wand down beside him, he leaned over the book again and nodded in satisfaction when he found he could read it now. After flipping past the introduction, he reached the first chapter, which he knew was a real favourite of his young master’s. Clearing his throat and settling the book on his lap, he started quietly reading outloud to the quiet, unmoving nine year old.

Having read this book at least half as many times as his young master allowed Gorgon to sometimes lift his eyes from the text and continue muttering the words which had long ago become engrained in his head and to check on the silent child lying beside him at the same time.

At first, Severus gave no sign that he was even aware of Gorgon being there or that he was reading to him, but after a while, he started to relax. His tight jaw slackened somewhat and he turned onto his side and pulled his blanket up to his chin, quietly listening to the elf reading.

Severus swallowed hard, finally dissolving the lump which had been forming in his throat and had been threatening to overwhelm him. He took a deep, quiet breath and stared at the old elf sitting beside him. He doubted Gorgon had any idea that Severus never listened to a word he read and that he didn’t even know what book the elf was reading from. But just listening to his voice was enough for him. The soothing, gentle voice drifting across the darkness of the room, quietly mingling with the glow of light from Gorgon’s wand filled his mind and chased out the images that haunted him. The screams, the blood, the pain, the fear, the darkness and the hopelessness, they all seemed to fade away as he listened to that voice.

Closing his eyes, he allowed himself to let go and stop fighting the horrors that haunted him. Right now, he didn’t care if he was being weak and worthless. He was just so tired of fighting all the time. He sighed. Even though he knew he would have to start fighting again tomorrow, right now, he felt safe enough to drop his guard and allow that gentle, quiet voice to sooth his fears away and brighten the darkness clutching at his soul a little bit.

Gorgon glanced up from the page and continued muttering the last few words of the sentence as he listened to his young master’s deep breathing and watched him sleeping. Letting his voice drift off, Gorgon stared sadly at the sleeping child. So young, yet already so old.

“Sleep well, young master. Tomorrow is new day. Tomorrow we keep fighting, but for today, we all done.” The elf whispered as he smoothed a few stray strands of hair off his face and quietly watched him sleep.

 

**Oct. 27th, 1970**

**Snape Manor**

 

Gorgon stumbled slightly as he apparated in front of his mistress’ bedroom. He had been helping his young master sort through batches of new potions ingredients in the workshop. They had arrived at the house the day before from wherever the master ordered them from. Gorgon neither knew nor wanted to know where they came from.

He carefully smoothed the wrinkles out of his worn, stained pillow case and stood up straighter, determined to look his best when he spoke with his mistress. It wasn’t often that she summoned him, but when she did, Gorgon always knew that it was something important. On normal days, she was caught so tightly within the clutches of the imperius curse that she just sat in her chair in her bedroom by herself, not moving and not speaking. She would stare at the wall in front of her, eyes blank and unseeing, hands trembling slightly. Some kitchen elves would apparate from time to time to tell her to come to the dininghall or to help her go to the bathroom. A few years ago, she would routinely get up every night and walk over to her bed and lie down, quietly waiting for her husband. However, the  master had quickly tired of having to tell her what to do and how to do it every single second of their time together so he told her she didn’t need to bother going to the bed at all. In the years since, he had found better substitutes than his wife. Gorgon seriously doubted that the master remembered she even existed on some days.

He remembered how she had been in the early days of their marriage. It had been a marriage of convenience and blood lines. Both the master and the mistress came from long lines of pureblood families. The master’s relatives had all either died, killed themselves or been locked away in St.Mungo’s for insanity long ago so it was a perfect arrangement for Herania to leave her family’s manor and move in with her new husband. However, she quickly realized what kind of a person she had married. She hated his bad temper, his violence, his utter disregard for ‘inferior’ beings lives and the brutality which he so casually dealt out to them, and of course, his drug use. Back in those days, she had been a fiery headed, strong woman who argued and yelled at her husband whenever she felt he wasn’t behaving appropriately. Finally, she told him she wanted a divorce and that she was leaving. Growing enraged by the thought of her leaving him and disobeying his orders that she stay and be an obedient wife to him and not interfere with his affairs, master had put her under the imperius curse.

Since then, Herania had lost her independence, her spirit and her life. She grew silent, dazed and completely dependent on her husband for everything, only capable of doing something when he told her to. She had become nothing but a thin, faint ghost of her old self, drifting around the house in a haze of confusion and silence which she could never break and nobody dared try and pull her out of.

Gorgon yanked on one corner of his pillow case one last time before reaching out and knocking on the door.

He waited a few minutes until he heard a faint whisper of “Come in”.

The door obediently opened and Gorgon stepped into the dark room. He saw his mistress right away, sitting in her chair in the middle of the room, staring at the door as it opened.

The only light in the room came from a flickering candle some elf had put on the table beside the bed. It cast a dim glow across the old floorboards and reflected in his mistress’ dark, empty eyes, making them shine with a glimmer of life. Gorgon knew it was just a trick of the light but he hoped that his mistress  would at least remember why she had summoned him.

“You summons Gorgy, mistress?”

She slowly turned her  head and stared at him. She blinked a few times and her eyes slowly searched his face.

“Gorgy?” she whispered, her voice dull and blank.

He nodded. “That’s right, mistress. Gorgy. Young master’s elf.”

She frowned slightly and leaned forward a bit, her shaking hands clutching the armrests of her chair. She stared at him, her eyes boring in to his as she tried fighting through the fog enveloping her.

Gorgon stepped forward and reached out and gently touched his mistress’ trembling hands.

“You knows young master, mistress. He your son. He—”

“Severus.” She interupted him, the word coming out like a whisp of air, thin and frail, but still there. That was a good sign. It meant she was strong enough to remember things on her own and she was feeling strong enough to fight the curse, even if it was for a little while.

Gorgon nodded again and gave her an encouraging grin. “Yes, mistress. That young master’s name.”

She was still frowning and blinked rapidly. Her lips were parted and she was panting as she leaned forward even more, one trembling hand clutching the elf’s old, gnarled hand and squeezing it so hard that Gorgon thought she might break it.

“Severus is my son.” She whispered. At Gorgon’s frantic nodding and smiling, she tightened her grip on his hand, knowing there was something very important she had to discuss with Gorgon. Fighting the fog in her mind which obscured most of her memories and made everything sluggish and move so slowly, she bit her lip hard and let loose a scream in her mind. At first, the scream was like a whisper, barely penetrating the fog, but then, she took a deep breath and the scream became stronger and started tearing the fog to shreds.

Finally, she opened her eyes. Suddenly, she could see the elf clearly and became aware of the fact that she was panting from the effort it was taking her to fight the fog. Glancing down at their entwined hands, she realized she might break his hand and she let go of it.

Gorgon desperately searched his mistress’ eyes and was relieved to see a glimmer of life in them. She had done it. She had broken through the fog. He knew these moments only lasted for a few minutes and if the master came in and caught her being more aware and in control of herself, he would mutter the curse at her again and destroy all of her hard work. Gorgon glanced at the door, which had luckily shut by itself and then back at his mistress.

“Mistress must speak quickly before master comes.” He whispered, edging closer to her.

She nodded, still panting and staring at the elf with wide eyes. It took her a few more minutes to gather the shreds of memory which she needed. There they were. She mentally screamed again and managed to rip the last few bits of fog off those memories and finally, she could see them clearly.

“Gorgon, I need you to write a letter. For me.” She whispered. She had to scream each word in her mind before she could force it past her lips in a faint whisper, barely loud enough to be heard. Each word send flickers of fire racing through her mind as she fought against the dark clutches of the fog which resented the words she was forcing past it.

“A letter to who, mistress?” Gorgon whispered, leaning closer and making sure he wouldn’t miss a single word. Every word was a struggle for his mistress and he knew he couldn’t miss a single one.

“To—to Albus Dumbledore.”

Gorgon nodded. He had no idea who Albus Dumbledore was, but that didn’t matter. He could find that out on his own.

“What should Gorgon put into letter?”

She stared at him, the question taking a few seconds to sink in. Finally, she took a deep breath, frowned in concentration. “I will dictate letter. Once a week, Gorgon come here and I will dictate pieces of letter. Then Gorgon will deliver letter to Dumbledore.”

Gorgon frowned. “Gorgy could just get owl to deliver letter.”

The sudden and harsh shaking of her head surprised him. “No. Can’t use owl. Might be intercepted. Gorgon will bring letter. Husband not notice if elf is missing for a few days.”

Gorgon nodded. That did make sense. He quickly shook his head, not allowing himself to dwell on irrelevant details such as who Albus Dumbledore was or how he would make a delivery when he had never left the manor in his entire long life, except for running around the courtyard a bit. He would figure that out later.

Taking out his wand, he quickly conjured up a piece of parchment, a quill and a bottle of ink. Waving a low table closer to him and making the candle come and sit on the table to give him more light, he grabbed the quill and held it over the parchment.

“Alright. Mistress dictate letter and Gorgy write down every word.”

Nodding, his mistress leaned forward even more and frowned in concentration as she struggled to remember how to write a proper letter.

She licked her lips and let a scream madly echo through her mind until she finally found that torn, ragged memory.

“Dear Professor Dumbledore,” she whispered.

Gorgon nodded and immediately wrote those three precious words down and then patiently lifted his head and waited for his mistress to continue.

After frowning and gripping her armrests and ignoring the waves of pain coursing through her magic bound body and mind, she managed to force out two more words.

Without a word and not daring to interupt her hard struggle, Gorgon quickly scribbled them down, his ear tuning out every other sound in the room except for the tiny, frail words coming from his mistress.

 

**Nov. 15th, 1970**

**Snape Manor**

 

Severus sneered in cold amusement as he crossed his arms and leaned against the dungeon walls. He carefully watched as his Father slowly walked around the quivering figure huddled in the middle of the damp, dark room. He or she— whatever it might be— was rocking back and forth on its heels, crying and shaking and all the while, staring at his Father with huge, terrified eyes.

His Father smiled that cold, thin smile as he stared down at the pitiful creature.

“You want your ball back, don’t you?” He whispered, his eyes glowing from excitement and the green fire Severus knew so well.

The muggle started frantically nodding its head, huge eyes staring hungrily at the small blue ball his Father held in his hands. His Father smiled coldly and his glowing green eyes narrowed as he gently tossed the ball into the air.

The muggle made the mistake of jumping up after the ball, trying to catch it. Right away, his Father’s smile disappeared and he glared.

“Did I tell you to move?”

The muggle shook its head and its face dropped as it realized the mistake it had made. It buried its shaved head into its arms and started loudly sobbing. Severus was frowning down at it. Stupid muggle. His Father had emphasized the rules to it many, many times over the past five days of playing with it, and the stupid creature still refused to learn. Severus shook his head and glanced at his Father. The muggle would deserve whatever it got.

His Father was still glaring and lifted his wand. The creature started sobbing louder and curled up in a tiny ball, knowing what was coming. Severus’ cold sneer spread as he excitedly waited for his Father to mutter a few words and make the stupid, worthless creature serve its punishment.

“Crucio.” The quiet whisper was nearly drowned out by the loud sobbing of the muggle but as soon as the curse hit it, it started madly twitching on the floor and screaming through its sobs as pain racked through its body.

Severus watched, always thrilled at watching someone else suffering through the curse. Gorgon had once quietly remarked on the fact that young master shouldn’t feel happy about watching someone else suffer through the same torture he had to endure himself, but Severus angrily dismissed this. As far as he was concerned, the muggle had been stupid and worthless and had refused to learn its lesson and therefore, had to be punished. He couldn’t help the fact that he liked watching the stupid thing writhing and screaming in pain. It made him feel smarter and better than the muggle and that thrilled him to no end. He felt powerful and in control when he watched the pitiful creatures suffering and couldn’t understand why his stupid old elf wanted him to feel sorry for them. They deserved what they got and made Severus feel better about himself. So really, there was nothing about this he didn’t like and he resented having the old elf bring up the subject again and again.

Severus was torn out of these thoughts when he felt grubby, shaking hands pulling on the hem of his robe. He glanced down and glared when he saw the crying, muttering creature clutching at his robe and sobbing out little broken phrases. Severus ignored the wide, pleading look in its eyes and the pathetic, incoherent begging. The only thing Severus was concerned about was that the thing was getting snot and tears on his robes. Severus glared at it in complete disgust. The thing was worthless, weak and disgusting. He found that black hatred that lay lodged within his heart growing larger. He resented these stupid, weak creatures. Taking his wand out, he pointed at it and hissed a Banishing charm at it, sending the pitiful creature flying across the floor and slamming into the stone wall and then crumbling on the floor with a loud sob.

It kept twitching and sobbing pitifully before his Father muttered the counter curse. The muggle continued sobbing, mewling pitifully and twitching on the floor. Severus sneered down at it. Weak, stupid thing. He hadn’t twitched and sobbed after the curse was lifted off him since he was seven. Again, that feeling of superiority and power flooded through his veins and he glanced at his Father, eagerly waiting to see what they would do next.

His Father was sneering coldly down at the muggle. “That wasn’t fun, was it?” He whispered.

The muggle was still sobbing and twitching too hard to respond. Severus glared at it. His Father had asked it a question and whenever his Father asked a question, the person addressed had to answer him, no matter what the circumstances.

Severus glanced at his Father, waiting for the muggle to be punished. When his Father merely toyed around with the ball in his hands, Severus frowned.

“Shouldn’t it be punished, sir?”

His Father glanced across the dungeon at him and stared at him before he smiled coldly.

“Why should it?”

Severus glared darkly at the muggle as its mewling and crying got louder and nearly drowned out his Father’s words. He pointed his wand at it.

“Silencio.” He hissed at it, growing thoroughly annoyed by it. Immediately, the muggle’s crying and whining ceased and it gaped at Severus, opening and shutting its mouth while its eyes widened in terror as it realized it couldn’t make a sound.

Severus sneered smugly and then looked at his Father again.

“It didn’t answer your question when you addressed it, sir. It should be punished.”

His Father’s cold smile widened and his eyes flickered strangely.

“That’s right, son. It should be punished. It was stupid and broke the rules and it should be punished. But it’s too weak to bear another round of the curse and I don’t want it to die yet. I have some new games we must play first.”

Severus’ cold grin widened as he grew excited by the prospect of learning something new. His grip on his wand tightened and he eagerly waited for his Father to explain the new game.

The muggle had stopped twitching and was staring dumbly at Seranius, its eyes huge.

His Father lightly tossed the ball into the air a few times, watching as the muggle’s wide eyes followed its progress. This time, the muggle remained perfectly still. Severus was faintly disappointed. He had hoped the muggle would be stupid enough to need to learn its lesson twice. He hated realizing that both he and this worthless, weak trash learned their lessons after the same amount of punishment. The thought enraged him and he narrowed his eyes as he glared down at the muggle, his hand trembling as it tightened on his wand. Feeling his hatred and anger, his wand started vibrating and tiny sparks flew from its tip, illuminating the dark cell.

“Alright. Here are the rules. They are very simple and we’ll have so much fun together.” His Father’s silky voice whispered through the darkness. For a moment, Severus found himself staring at his Father with the same wide eyed look as the stupid, drooling muggle on the floor. He immediately tore his eyes off his Father and he nearly shook with anger and self-loathing when he realized it.

His Father was smiling coldly down at the muggle. “Imperio.” He whispered at it. Immediately, the muggle’s wide eyes became glazed and it stared at his Father blankly, the same way Severus’ mother would stare at him. His Father’s eyes flickered over to Severus.

“Severus, levitate the ball and ensure it won’t get it.”

Severus nodded, getting excited by the prospect of being able to participate so directly with the game. Up until recently, he had only been allowed to watch and learn.

His Father glanced down at the muggle. “And you will do whatever it takes to get that ball, except for touching either myself or Severus. Understood?”

The muggle nodded dumbly, its wide eyes staring at the ball still resting in Seranius’ hand. Severus waited until his Father nodded and then quietly said “Leviosa” and pointed his wand at the ball. He watched as the ball immediately lifted up into the air and hung suspended a few feet above the muggle’s head. It was slowly revolving around. Just for practice, Severus twirled his wand a bit and watched in amusement as the ball spun faster. Then he moved his wand slightly upward and smiled in cold satisfaction when the ball rose upwards, moving precisely to the spot his wand was pointing at.

As soon as the ball had lifted into the air, the  muggle scrambled backwards, its huge eyes never leaving the spinning, blue sphere.

As Severus lifted it slightly higher, the muggle started jumping up towards it, trying to catch it. Severus smiled coldly as he watched the muggle panting from the effort of throwing itself into the air again and again, thin, trembling hands reaching for the ball which Severus constantly yanked out of its reach. After yanking it up and down a few times, Severus decided to try something new and started pulling the ball around the cell from corner to corner and from the ceiling to the floor, watching as the muggle panted and drooled and ran after it, trembling hands never grasping it.

As time went on, Severus grew more confident and dangled the ball a few inches from the muggles nose and just as its grubby hand reached out to grab it, he’d yank it out of the way again and again and again. The  muggle started sobbing at one point, clutching its head between its arms and sobbing loudly, muttering about wanting its ball. Seranius had hissed at it to keep going and immediately, the muggle sniffed back its tears and started jumping and scrambling around the small cell again.

Severus smiled coldly, that black feeling of power flooding him as he relished the control he had over the pitiful little creature. It was so pathetic. Madly running and jumping after a little ball. It deserved to be exhausted like this. Severus frowned. In fact, it was acting so weakly and stupidly that it deserved to be punished as well.

Mulling it over as he yanked the ball around on the floor and watched the muggle trying to pounce on it, Severus finally got an idea. He moved the ball up into the top corner of the dungeon. Just as he had suspected, the muggle immediately ran to the corner and started madly clawing at the stone walls with its hands, trying to climb up them. Severus heard its fingers snapping and watched as smears of blood appeared on the stones. He smiled coldly. It felt good to hear someone else’s fingers breaking. It made him feel even better that he was the cause of the breaking. He took a deep, shaking breath, loving this consuming feeling of power that settled around him.

The muggle started sobbing again as it kept clawing at the wall, its wide eyes staring at the ball floating high above his head. Realizing it would never be able to climb up the wall, it collapsed into a huddled mass and started sobbing harder, tears and snot streaming down its face. Due to the overwhelming fire in its mind put their by the imperius curse, screaming at him to get the ball, it turned back to the wall and started slamming its head into the hard stones, determined to get the fire out and make it stop.

Severus watched with a cold sneer on his face as the muggle continued slamming its head into the stones. He didn’t notice the smears of blood growing larger or the muggle’s eyes growing blanker. All he was aware of was this immense feeling of power and control and he loved it.

It took him a few moments to realize that the muggle had collapsed in a lifeless heap, its blank, wide eyes staring up at the ball hovering above it. Seranius slowly walked over to it and inspected it with an indifferent look on his face.

“It’s dead. Not to worry. The subjects in the workshop are nearly done their tests. We can play other new games with them tomorrow. I want to try this same game with two of them at the same time. The results should be quite amusing.”

Severus smiled coldly. He didn’t give a damn that the weak, pitiful thing lying on the floor was dead. It had been weak, worthless and stupid and deserved to die and the fact that Severus had been a part of that made him feel so important and superior that he found his chest swelling with pride.

He glanced up at the ball still hovering in the air and yanked his wand so the ball came floating down and landed in his hand. Putting his wand into his pocket and lightly tossing the ball into the air, Severus turned towards his Father.

“Did I perform adequately, sir?”

His Father smiled coldly and nodded. “I was pleased with the results and you didn’t break the rules of the game. We shall continue tomorrow after breakfast.”

Severus nodded, his eyes sparking with that feeling of power and pride. Ignoring the lifeless, bleeding corpse lying in the corner of the dungeon, its eyes still staring blankly above itself, Severus turned and swept out of the dungeon, his head held high and feeling prouder of himself than ever before.

 

**Nov.23rd, 1970**

**Snape Manor**

 

Severus glared down at Gorgon, wishing he was strong enough to do the cruciatus curse on something larger than rats. It had been eight days since the stupid muggle had died in the dungeon and still, Gorgon wouldn’t let the subject drop.

“Elf! We have been over this in nauseating detail for days and I am sick of discussing it. You will cease bringing this subject up at once or you’ll suffer for it.” He hissed.

Severus glared when the elf didn’t cower but pulled himself up straighter and crossed his arms stubbornly across his chest. Any other elf would have scurried out of the room, begging for forgiveness and sometimes even bawling pitifully, but not Gorgon.

Gorgon gave his young master a hard look. “Young master can punish Gorgon all he wants. He can hurt and humiliate Gorgon, but Gorgon will not stop trying to explain to young master.”

Severus muttered a curse and rolled his eyes. “Elf, we have been over this over and—”

“And we go over this until end of time if need be, but young master must learn to regret what he did.”

Severus snorted. “Regret? Are you mad? I have never felt so good about something before in my life. Killing that thing made me feel more alive than I have felt in years.”

Gorgon shook his head. “Young master can’t let death make him feel alive. That not good. Muggle was innocent being—”

“It was stupid, worthless and disgusting and deserved to die.”

Gorgon shook his head again. “Nothing deserve to die until attack young master with words or with hands. Then even Gorgon kill willingly.” He said, remembering the filthy elf who had made the comment about his young master a few years ago. He still didn’t regret killing it and he never would. But that elf hadn’t been an innocent.

Severus sighed with annoyance. “Elf, you have no idea what you’re talking about. You’re just as stupid as that muggle. Now, this is the last time I’m going to say this: It deserved to die and I enjoyed killing it because it deserved it.”

Gorgon bit his lip, knowing he was losing this battle. “But, young master—”

Severus narrowed his eyes and a spark of anger lit up in their dark depths. “Shut your mouth, elf! I’ve had enough of you babbling on and on about this. I never asked you for your opinion and house elves are supposed to keep their mouths shut until they are asked something. You better be thankful I won’t mention this appalling behavior to Father. Now get out my room and my sight and if you ever mention this again, I will make you regret this, believe me.” He snarled down at the old elf.

Gorgon’s shoulders slumped as he realized he’d lost. If he said another word, his young master would yank his wand out and send him hurling out or through the door or would throw him repeatedly against the cold stone walls. Neither scenario was pleasant and Gorgon knew that if he hadn’t hammered this idea into his young master’s head by now, then he sure wouldn’t be able to while being tossed around the room with his head exploding from the pain of connecting with very solid, heavy objects.

Sighing sadly, his eyes clouding over with despair, he gave his young master a low bow, feeling those dark, empty eyes glaring down at him. Everyday, that piercing gaze filled with hatred and anger reminded him more and more of the way his master glared at everyone. It terrified and saddened Gorgon beyond belief.

Opening the door with a small wave of his hand, he quickly shuffled out of the room without another word.

Only when he was outside and had shut the door did he dare straighten up and stare sadly at the door, tears brimming his eyelids.

Despite all his efforts and all his years of trying, his young master was slipping further and further into the darkness.

Slowly, the elf turned around and made his way down the long, dark hallway, feeling older than he had in years.

 

*             *             *

 

Back inside the small, dimly lit room, a nine year old child stood, glaring darkly at the door. He muttered something about the elf being stupid, old and deranged. He vaguely thought about mulling over what Gorgon had been trying to explain to him, but he quickly dismissed it. Whatever it was, it was wrong and stupid and irrelevant. It had to be. After all, his Father had never mentioned anything about it to him, and the old elf was an elf after all and knew nothing.

Nodding to himself and giving the door another glare, Severus went over to his corner beside his bed and pulled out a potions book he had gotten from the library downstairs. Opening it and propping it onto his knees, he quickly submerged himself among potion ingredients and the magical precision and beauty which went along with potion making. Very soon, he had completely forgotten about the dead muggle, Gorgon and the argument they had had.

 

**Nov.25th, 1970**

**Snape Manor**

 

Gorgon squinted through the dim light of the flickering candle and carefully wrote down the last three words his mistress had whispered to him.

He frowned down at the letter. He hoped it looked neat enough. When he had first started writing this letter a month ago, he had thought his mistress was writing to an old relative of hers to invite him for dinner or something. Gorgon hadn’t had the heart to tell her that master would never allow any visitors to the manor, but since she appeared to be fighting the curse much harder than she had in previous years and was enduring agonizing mental torture trying to compose this letter, he had humored her and written it.

Now, he couldn’t believe what he had written. Instead of being a hopeless dinner invitation, it was a desperate plea for help.

Looking over the long parchment covered with neat, black writing, Gorgon couldn’t imagine how many years it had taken his mistress to come up with the idea and the actual contents of the letter and the enormous courage to go through with it.

There were still many parts of the plan he didn’t understand, but day by day, he started seeing that his mistress knew perfectly well what she was doing and why.

Herania had started fighting the curse binding her body and mind more harshly than she had in years. She started becoming more aware of herself and where she was and she quickly learned to memorize the exact times for meals and when her husband would check on her. As soon as an elf appeared or she had to go anywhere where her husband would see her, she quickly submerged herself back into that dense fog that had clutched her for years. By practicing for years through long days and nights of struggle, pain and near hopelessness, she had finally learned how to push the fog back and think clearly and how to pull the fog back over her mind in an instant and shield her progress from any observers eyes. Gorgon was the only one who knew about his mistress’ growing strength but of course, he kept his mouth shut. It was obvious that she was planning something and had taken years to formulate a plan. It was useless of Gorgon to ask any questions. He knew that his mistress still had a brilliant mind hidden behind the fog and that if she used it to come up with a plan, then that plan would work.

She had started it years ago when she had noticed her son’s eyes growing darker and blanker and his face getting paler and sterner. Remembering vague snatches of conversations she had with Gorgon during her few coherent moments, she desperately worked with the old elf to protect her young son as much as possible, but when Gorgon sadly reported that Severus was slipping further into darkness despite all their efforts, Herania knew she had to do something more. So she started planning and fighting. Quietly of course and without anybody suspecting anything.

She took a deep, slow breath, ignoring the throbbing hot pain searing through her mind and mentally forced the fog back as she whispered another few words to the old elf sitting across from her.

Finally, she collapsed in her chair, exhausted and in too much pain to continue. As always, Gorgon carefully dried the ink on the parchment and then scurried off into a dark corner to hide the parchment beneath a few loose floorboards before sealing them with magic.

When he came bustling back to his mistress, he gave her a wide smile and whispered that their task was nearly done.

Herania weakly shook her head, closing her eyes. “No, Gorgon. We’re not finished yet.The most important part is coming.” She whispered. Gorgon froze and leaned in closer, eager to hear the next part of his mistress’ mysterious and brilliant plan.

She forced her eyes open. “Gorgon needs to come and see me everyday from now on. I will dismiss elf cleaning my bed and Gorgon will pretend to take elf’s place.” She swallowed and took another deep breath, determined to force a few more fragmented sentences out of her exhausted, burning mind. “Gorgon will bring insects and later, rats and cats to mistress and will loan me wand. Mistress must practice.” She whispered.

Gorgon nodded. He knew that master had taken his wife’s wand away many years ago and she hadn’t touched one or used magic in over ten years, but he wasn’t going to mention any of this. If this was what she wanted of him, this was what Gorgon would do. There was just one thing he needed to know.

“Does mistress want insects and animals alive?”

She stared at him for a few moments, letting the question sink in before she nodded.

“Yes. Alive. Mistress must practice.” She whispered, her frail voice intermingling with the dim darkness in the room and the flickering candlelight.

 

**July 12th, 1971**

**Snape Manor**

 

Gorgon pressed down on the heavy seal and frowned in concentration. This was the finishing touch to their hard work. The letter had been dictated, written and read over a number of times (with Gorgon slowly and clearly reading every word to his mistress as she frowned and nodded after each word, approving it) and was finally read to be sent off.

Gorgon put the seal down and waved it back to its place and then stood up and carefully handed the sealed piece of parchment to his mistress.

Her eyes were glimmering with something that resembled hope and sadness as she gently touched their work of pain, sweat and tears with trembling hands. It had taken so long to finish, but finally, it was done.

“Is letter ready to be sent, mistress?” Gorgon asked, bending low towards her so he wouldn’t miss her response.

Tears were brimming her eyelids as she stared at the letter, gently touching it with her fingertips as if the parchment were something sacred.

She briefly glanced at Gorgon before she went back to staring at the letter.

“Yes. Gorgon will leave tomorrow morning. Mistress will give Gorgon clear directions. Gorgon must find Hogwarts School.”

Gorgon frowned. What in the name of Grindelwald was Hogwarts and why in the name of Grindelwald did his mistress want their precious letter delivered there? But as quickly as these thoughts had come, he firmly shook his head and dismissed them. So far, his mistress had shown complete control over her plan and Gorgon doubted she was falling apart now.

He nodded. “How will Gorgy find Hogwarts?”

She took a deep breath and frowned in concentration, trying to remember something from long ago. She briefly closed her eyes, fighting against the fog obscuring those memories. Finally, she caught a glimpse of a word.

“Hogsmeade. Gorgon must find Hogsmeade. From there, can ask people how to find Hogwarts. Professor Dumbledore is at Hogwarts. Gorgon must find him.”

At this point, she tore her eyes off the letter and stared at Gorgon, wild hope glimmering in her dark, dull eyes. Her shaking hands grabbed hold of his own and squeezed it weakly, trying to emphasize how important her next words were.

“Gorgon must show letter only to Dumbledore, nobody else. And Gorgon cannot fail. Gorgon must deliver letter safely and quickly.” She whispered, staring at the elf so hard that faint glimmers of her magic sent sparks from her hand to the elf’s old gnarled one.

Gorgon nodded firmly, knowing how important this was. “Gorgon will do just as mistress says, and Gorgon promises letter will be delivered safely. Gorgon swears on young masters life that Master Professor will get letter.”

She stared at him for a moment longer, before exhaustion claimed her and she weakly fell back against her chair. She nodded and briefly closed her eyes against the rhythmic, throbbing pain in her mind.

After a long moment, she finally opened her eyes and stared at Gorgon. There was a spark in her eyes that hadn’t been there for many years. Gorgon vaguely recognized the spark as having once lit up his young master’s eyes, but of course, that spark had extinguished long ago.

He stared at his mistress as she took a deep breath and straightened up, looking more alive than she had in months.

“Gorgon will tell Dumbledore to come three days after Gorgon leaves to come back. When Gorgon back, will give mistress wand and we finish nightmare once and for all.” She whispered.

A small smile flickered across the elf’s face as he realized how close they were to succeeding. The thought that they might fail never even crossed his mind. They had worked too hard and there was too much at stake for them to fail.

Having said that, she held up a hand for Gorgon’s wand and then nodded at the floorboards in the corner where Gorgon kept a box full of grindylows, large rats and other assortments of creatures he could find crawling around the house.

“Now, we resume practice.”

 

*             *             *

 

Severus bit his lip and forced back his tears. He was surprised that it took much less effort than it used to. He closed his eyes, exhaustion claiming his pain-racked body.

He absentmindly listened to Gorgon humming old elf songs as he finished pulling the blankets over him and banishing the ropes from the bedposts.

He kept his face buried in his pillows, not wanting to look at Gorgon.

He heard the old elf sigh sadly and felt him brushing a strand of his hair out of his eyes. He flinched away from the touch, but instantly calmed down when he realized it was just Gorgon.

Gorgon had yanked his hands back when he felt his young master’s flinch, but then resumed his humming and gently brushed the strand of errant hair off Severus’ pale cheek.

“Does young master want Gorgy to read book? Gorgy could read one of young master’s favourites.”

Severus didn’t answer, still staring into his pillow. He didn’t want anybody to read to him. He didn’t want anybody talking to him or touching him. He didn’t want anybody seeing him.

He knew what they all saw. What all the house elves saw when they looked at him. What his Father saw when he looked at him. He was nothing more than a worthless whore. He was just as stupid and worthless as those muggles in the dungeon. His Father had hissed this at him many, many times, but Severus had never truly realized what it meant. But just this morning, it had hit him with stunning clarity. One of his Father’s personal elves had motioned him over as he had walked down the hallway. The elf had stared at him with huge, empty eyes and had leaned over to whisper to him. “Young master must make sure to please master in bed tonight. Master had had long, hard week and it is our responsibility to make sure we please master. That is what we here for.” When Severus had simply stared at the elf, too stunned to say anything, the elf had given him a leering grin. “We good at what we do, young master. We all learned how to please master, no? This is our duty. We worthless and good for nothing else. We master’s whores.”

Severus clenched his jaw and swallowed a sob, refusing to cry. He might be a worthless whore, but he wasn’t going to cry like the whores in the dungeon did. At least that was something.

Gorgon sighed sadly. He had heard what that deranged slut of an elf had said to his young master this morning. Gorgon had personally seen to it that the elf was now dinner for the thestrals. But he had been too late. The real damage had already been done.

He sighed again. “Oh, young master.” He whispered softly. “Young master can’t believe what stupid elf said. Young master not as worthless as those other slutty whores—”

Severus clenched his jaw. “I’m one of those slutty whores, Gorgon, and you know it.” He whispered, such loathing in his voice that it nearly made Gorgon cry.

Gorgon shook his head, tears brimming his eyes. “No, that not true. Master might treat young master like worthless whore, but young master smarter and better than the others.”

Severus shook his head. “I’m not smart, Gorgon and I’m not better than them. If I were, then I wouldn’t just be another fuck toy for my Father, now would I?” He whispered. He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing back tears of self-loathing. Merlin, how he hated himself. He was worthless and filthy. He wanted to rip the clean blanket and nightgown off himself and tell Gorgon not to touch him, lest he get him dirty too. He wondered if this was what the rest of his life would be like. He pictured himself in a few years, wandering the dark hallways of the manor, just as deranged and slutty as the other elves were. A lump grew in his throat and he took a shaky breath.

He turned his head slightly and stared at Gorgon, his dark eyes flooding with despair.

“Gorgon, I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to be as crazy and disgusting as they are. I don’t want this anymore. Make it stop.” He whispered, pleading with the elf. The tears he had been holding back quietly forced their way past his self-control and slid down his pale face.

Gorgon reached over and gently cradled the sobbing child’s head in his lap. The elf desperately wanted to tell his young master that soon it would be over, but he had sworn to his mistress not to tell anyone and he would keep that promise. They were so close now that they couldn’t risk it.

He quietly stroked the dark head and wiped the softly streaming tears off the pale cheeks.

“Will be alright at end, young master will see. Young master just has to keep hope in heart.” He whispered.

Severus didn’t respond, just bit his lip to keep his crying as silent as the rest of his suffering. He reached up and clutched one of the elf’s gnarled hands and held onto it as if it was his only light in a sea of darkness. In a way it was.

 

**July 15th, 1971**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Gorgon dragged his tired feet another few steps before pausing to catch his breath. He was exhausted. And hungry. And scared. Well, terrified was more like it. He had never left the manor before in his life, except for small excursions into the courtyard, but here he was, after nearly three days of having walked across strange towns, villages and fields. The constant sun was hurting his eyes and making his head ache. In addition to that, there was a nagging tugging in the back of his mind, constantly pulling him back towards the manor. This was a lasting effect of the strong, ancient magic keeping house elves bound to their homes. It had been lifted partially by his mistress giving him permission to leave, but a small sparkle of magic was still there and it was making his head feel as if it would explode. The strange looks he kept getting from anybody who passed him also didn’t help, making him want to kill them. But of course, he couldn’t do that. They were innocents. He understood why they were staring. After all, house elves in filthy pillow cases rarely—if ever—left their homes and if they did, they never went anywhere alone.

But so far, Gorgon had been extraordinarily lucky. As soon as he had left manor and its many wards and magical bindings behind, he had stumbled upon the small muggle village where his master always sent the thestrals to. He had considered sneaking around it and avoiding the muggles, but to his surprise, a squib had spotted him and immediately taken him into her house. After explaining that he had to get to Hogsmeade, the squib had kindly explained the way and had given him some scraps of food to take with him. After two days of walking and sleeping curled up on the side of the road, he had finally reached Hogsmeade, where the first nice looking wizard couple he came across told him the way to Hogwarts.

And now, here he was. He stopped and stared in awe at the tall castle towering above him. Beside him was a large, sparkling lake on which many small boats were gently bobbing in the water, tied to wooden docks. Close to the lake lay a small hut, whose roof was decorated with some beautiful colored things Gorgon remembered were called flowers. He had seen a picture of them in one of young master’s potion books.

At the thought of his young master, he quickly stopped staring around in awe at the clean, beautiful world he had stumbled into and remembered why he was here.

Quickly, he made his way towards the flight of stairs which led up to the large, oak doors. Waving his hand at them as politely as he could, he watched as they swung open and he stepped inside.

Clutching at the front of his pillow case where his letter and his wand were hidden away, he slowly padded down the marble tiled floors, listening to his bare feet echoing in the quiet hall. He couldn’t get over how much light there was in here. He could see windows everywhere and enchanted ceilings high above his head, allowing the sun to stream inside even though there wasn’t really a window there.

Shaking his head again and muttering over his wandering mind, he continued walking down the hall, hoping to run into someone soon. He had no idea how he was going to find this Dumbledore professor person. He just hoped he was at the right school.

Suddenly, he heard the creak of a wooden chair scraping across the floor behind one of the many closed doors lining the hallway. Hurrying over, he gently knocked on the door and straightened up, determined to  make a good impression.

The sound of someone scribbling on a piece of parchment abruptly stopped and a firm, feminine voice called over that he was allowed to come in.

Waving his hand at the door, he watched it swing open and then stepped inside.

An elegant, stately witch was sitting at a large desk at the front of the room. She had obviously been busy writing something, but the quill in her hand stopped and she stared at Gorgon through her thick black rimmed glasses. Gorgon noticed how clean and perfectly arranged her hair was in a tight, elegant bun. So different from his mistress’ limp, tangled strands. Gorgon imagined that maybe long ago, his mistress’ hair had looked like this witch’s did. He quickly averted his eyes when he realized he had been staring at her with wide eyes.

She raised an eyebrow and quickly looked him up and down.

“I apologize for my rudeness, but you don’t look like one of our elves.”

Gorgon shook his head and stepped closer.”No, mistress. I’s not one of Hogwarts elves. I is Gorgy and I belong to Snape family.”

The woman raised both of her eyebrows and put her quill down. “In that case, how may I help you?”

Gorgon was relieved that she didn’t ask stupid, irrelevent questions over whether or not he had left the house with permission or if he had wiped his feet before entering. But, this woman didn’t strike him as the type to ask stupid questions.

“Gorgy needs to see Master Professor Dumbledore. Gorgy has very important letter for him.”

She narrowed her eyes slightly and seemed to be deciding whether he was lying or not, but then decided that he probably wasn’t. Pushing her chair back, she stepped around her desk.

“In that case, I’ll take you directly to him. Follow me.” Giving him a nod, she swept out of the robe, her flowing black robe billowing around her.

Gorgon quickly scampered after her, amazed at how straight she stood even when walking at a brisk pace down the hallway.

 

**July 15th, 1971**

**Professor Dumbledore’s office**

 

Professor Dumbledore glanced up when he heard the stone gargoyle swinging out of the way in the hallway below his office. He tilted his head towards his door and listened to the sounds of two pairs of feet stepping onto the revolving staircase and riding it up.

One of them was Minerva, and the owner of the other pair of feet were unknown to him, but from the sound of them, they belonged to a small person.

He quietly smiled to himself. Even though he had only been sitting in this office for one year, he already felt as if he’d always been here.

As the staircase continued spiraling upwards, he frowned and tried to guess who his small visitor could be. Perhaps one of the students hadn’t been picked up at the train station and had to stay here a few days until other arrangements with his or her parents could be made.

He leaned back in his chair, and waved his wand at his desk, conjuring up a small tray of sweets for his visitors.

When he heard Minerva’s strong, crisp knock on his door, he cheerfully called over for them to enter.

Minerva strode in first, walking directly to his desk. The small figure had scampered into the office so quickly after the tall witch that Dumbledore hadn’t seen him or her yet.

“He showed up in my classroom a few minutes ago, Albus. He claims he’s from the Snape family and he has a very important message for you.”

She stepped aside and gestured for the small elf to step closer. Dumbledore couldn’t help but smile when the old elf stood up straighter and tugged on the edge of his pillow case in an effort to look more presentable. Even if he looked ragged, exhausted and old, this elf had manners. And that was something most family elves lacked severely.

Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled at the elf in a friendly manner and he smiled, gesturing towards the chair.

“Please, have a seat—” he paused delicately, waiting for the elf to tell him his name.

“Uhm, I’s Gorgon.” The elf stammered, clearly not used to telling people his name.

Dumbledore nodded good naturedly. “Well, Gorgon, I’m afraid I haven’t the foggiest idea where the Snape manor is, but I’m assuming it isn’t too near by.”

The elf nodded his head and perched himself on the chair. His discomfort was obvious and his efforts to hide it even more so, but Dumbledore ignored it. Whether the elf was uncomfortable about sitting down before him or about getting the chair dirty, neither were problematic to the headmaster and he wanted the small elf to feel like an equal. In his long life, he had discovered that treating someone as an equal was the one way to make someone feel comfortable in his presence.

“Yes, Master Professor Dumbledore. Snape manor quite far away. Gorgy gone for three days already, but had to deliver letter to Master Professor Dumbledore. Mistress insisted not using owls and letter so very important.”

As he was talking, the elf had pulled out a piece of sealed parchment from beneath his pillow case. As he was pulling it out, Dumbledore caught sight of a small, crooked wand hidden there as well. He exchanged a quick glance with Minerva, but both choose to remain silent.

He gently took the letter from the elf who was staring at it with such wide eyes and holding it with such delicate fingers that Dumbledore knew this was no simple dinner invitation.

Gently opening the letter, he unfolded it and frowned down at the tiny, black letters strewn across the page, squinting slightly. He adjusted his half moon spectacles and gave Gorgon a small smile.

“I’m afraid my eyes aren’t what they used to be. Your mistress’ has very tidy but also quite miniscule writing.”

Gorgon was wiggling around uncomfortably. “Uhm, mistress not write letter, Master Professor. Mistress too weak to write letter so Gorgy write letter for her. Started letter many months ago but mistress very weak and dictated letter a few sentences at a time so took long time.”

Dumbledore nodded. “Is she ill?”

The old elf wiggled around again. “Not exactly ill, Master Professor. She under imperius curse for years so she has hard time saying what master doesn’t tell her to say. That why writing letter took so long.”

At the mention of the curse, Dumbledore’s eyebrows flew up and he exchanged another startled look with Minerva. She was frowning now, a slight crease of worry on her forehead. Dumbledore felt an uncomfortable knot forming in his stomache. Something was terribly wrong here. For the first time, he found himself thinking that this elf hadn’t just come to invite him to dinner somewhere, but had come to him for help. For desperate help.

Frowning, he exchanged another worried look with Minerva before he looked back down at the letter and quietly started reading.

 

_Dear Professor Dumbledore,_

_Dictating this letter to my elf is extremely difficult and painful for me but it is necessary. Therefore, I hope you will forgive my rudeness if I don’t address the usual pleasantries and get right to the point._

_Long ago, my name was Herania Therudan. I was a Slytherin and attended Hogwarts many years ago where you were my Transfiguration teacher. In the years since, I have heard from some of my elves that you have become Hogwarts headmaster some months ago. You might be wondering why this letter is addressed to you and why my elf risked his life to bring it to you personally. The simplest answer is that I have nobody else to turn to. Very few people in the wizarding community  know that this manor in which I am held a prisoner even exists. However, I know that you are a well respected wizard and that you know powerful wizards who can locate the manor and fight the many complicated wards guarding and shielding it. The other reason I am addressing this letter to you is because you are the kindest, most decent person I have ever met and will ever meet. I know my desperate plea of help won’t fall on deaf ears where you are concerned. I also know that you owe me nothing and have probably forgotten about me long ago, but I am hoping and praying desperately that you will find it within that sacred heart of yours to help us._

_I am not writing to you to save myself. It is too late for that. My body and mind have been bound by the imperius curse for many years by my husband and I fear that by the time I carry out the final stages of my plan, my body will give up. I know I am too far gone to be saved._

_However, there is a person trapped in this hell with me who does need to be saved. He is my ten year old son, Severus Snape. When he was a young child, I tried to protect him as well as I could. My husband comes from a long line of deranged filth and in the past few years, has gone completely mad. Whether this was a consequence of genetics or the Hell’s Breath he has been addicted to for more than fifteen years, I neither know nor care. He has trapped me within my own body and mind and silence and he has dragged this house into a dark madness from which there is no escape. There is no light in the house and the screams of tortured, mad muggles drift up from the dungeon at all hours of the day. Deranged house elves drag their mad selves through the manor, their only purpose to serve my husband’s sexual needs. It was into this madness that my son was born and raised. Gorgon and I have tried as hard as we could to protect him from this darkness, but all our efforts have proven futile. The years of brutal physical, mental and sexual abuse had slowly transformed a smiling, happy child into a quiet, angry, hate filled creature who never smiles or cries anymore and only feels happy and alive while torturing muggles to death in the dungeon. This is who my son has turned into._

_I have long ago lost any delusions that somebody would once stumble onto this manor by accident and save us and pull us out of this darkness, so I have taken matters into my own hands. I am determined to save my son and release him from this hell, no matter what it takes. While you are reading this, I am busy preparing for the final stages of my plan. Once I am done and my body has finally given up on me, my son will be left alone in a house of darkness and madness. I am quietly hoping and praying that you will come and take him out of it. He is a very smart child and has a good heart, but it has been clouded by hatred and darkness. But I know that you have always believed that darkness which clutches someone’s heart and soul is never permanent and can be driven out by the light. I am desperately begging you to take my son to Hogwarts with you and raise him in the way I intended for him to be raised. I understand if you’re hesitant about this or want to refuse, but please, I am begging you to at least think about it._

_In the interest of legal matters, I am hereby turning over legal custody of my son to you, Professor Dumbledore. On the bottom of this letter is my signature, which any court will view as my valid consent to this transfer of custody._

_I know this is a difficult decision for you to make, but I am begging you to remember that a ten year old child’s life is rapidly spiralling into a dark abyss and he is running out of time._

_I know I will never be able to repay you, should you accept, but I am still desperately hoping that you will be able to look past this and do what that sacred heart of yours tells you to._

_Sincerely,_

_Herania Therudan_

 

Dumbledore had to squint at the shaky scrawling at the bottom of the letter which looked much worse than the neat, tiny elf’s handwriting. He realized that Herania must have forced herself to hold the quill and sign the letter herself to legalize the transfer of parental custody.

He took a deep breath and slowly handed the letter to Minerva.

While she read, Dumbledore stared at the silent elf sitting across from him. Gorgon shifted around uncomfortably, aware that Dumbledore wasn’t actually looking at him but was looking through him and was lost in thought, but there was something important Gorgon had to say.

“Uhm, if Master Professor can excuse Gorgy’s rudeness, but Gorgy needs to know Master Professors answer before sunset today. Young master all alone in house and Gorgy needs to get back as quickly as he can.”

Dumbledore nodded. “Of course.” He glanced up at Minerva, who had finished the letter and gently put it back onto his desk. She exchanged a hard look with him and she frowned, also lost in thought.

Dumbledore mulled it over. He understood Herania’s desperation and knew that every minute they wasted here would be another minute Severus had to spend in that house.

Making up his mind, Dumbledore straightened up. “Gorgon, you may stay here or roam around the castle if you wish. Minerva and I must go to the Ministry at once to visit a dear old friend of mine and discuss this situation.”

Gorgon nodded and pulled his legs up and sat cross-legged on the chair, obviously not intending to go anywhere. “Gorgy wait here until Master Professor returns.”

Dumbledore nodded and quickly pushed himself up. Walking to his fireplace, he reached up and took a small handful of floo powder out of a small dish.

“I trust you have a few moments to spare, Minerva?”

She nodded, stepping over to stand beside him. “Of course.”

Dumbledore nodded and quickly waved his cloak over. Swinging the light blue cloak sprinkled with moving yellow stars over his shoulders, he threw the floo powder into the fire.

“Ministry of Magic.” He said, before both him and Minerva stepped into the fire and the world started madly swirling before him.

 

**July 15th, 1971**

**Ministry of Magic**

 

Dumbledore couldn’t remember the last time he had rushed through the ministry this quickly. Probably back during Grindelwald’s days when he had been a young Auror.

He and Minerva hurriedly strode down the long entrance hallway, past the sparkling, bubbling fountain of Magical Brethren. Both of them handed their wands to the security wizard, who checked them and recorded important details about the two wands before handing them back. Pausing only briefly to thank him and smile, Dumbledore right away turned and strode towards the elevator. As the golden gated carriage appeared and they stepped inside, Dumbledore felt like tapping his heels with impatience. He found it strange. Usually, he was a very patient man, but for some reason, Herania’s heart felt plea had gone straight to his heart.

He swallowed a sigh of annoyance as the elevator slowly rose upwards, the operator’s voice loudly announcing every level they stopped at to drop ministry workers off, pick them up or to pick up fluttering office memos which madly buzzed around Dumbledore’s head.

When they had reached level four, he heard Minerva sigh with impatience and glare at the fluttering memos, one of which had nearly gotten caught in her hair.

“I wish they would have an elevator specifically for emergencies which would take you directly to level two. And why the ministry put the most important department nearly at the top floor is also beyond me.” She muttered quietly, but not quietly enough to avoid earning a scathing glare from a young looking witch, who strode off the elevator at level three with a sniff.

Finally, they reached level two, the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and the Auror Headquarters. Both of them were already out of the elevator and half way down the hall when they heard the operator announcing what floor they were on.

Pushing open the heavy door, Dumbledore walked into the cluttered, noisy room. It was exactly as he remembered it from his days of working here. People walked around everywhere, their blue Auror robes swirling around them. Some were reading memos, others were laughing or speaking amongst each other and others were hunched over their desks, busily writing on pieces of parchment.

Dumbledore walked around the cluttered desks, carefully stepping over piles of parchment and old, bent memos which couldn’t quite lift off the ground anymore. He nodded to the few wizards and witches he knew, but didn’t stop before he reached the small office he was looking for.

There was a foeglass attached to the door and a small chain of myolite blood detectors was strung from the doorframe.

Dumbledore smiled and quietly shook his head. Even if there wasn’t a large sign on the door announcing the owner of the office , nobody would have any problems guessing whose it was.

He knocked on the door and listened as a person inside leaned over to check the many dark detectors which cluttered his office.

Finally, Dumbledore heard a rough “Come in” being muttered at the door, and he walked inside, Minerva at his heels.

 

*             *             *

 

Dumbledore found himself staring around the cluttered office while Alastor read the letter. The walls were covered with pictures of sulking, sneering dark wizards who the ministry were after. Half of them were glaring out of their frames and the other half were busy trying to throw themselves out of their frames, but due to magical restraints on the frames, they couldn’t leave them. In the small spaces between the pictures were shelves filled with pictures of old friends and family and various dark detectors. Dumbledore squinted and recognized several sneak-o-scopes, Hidden Eyes, small booklets on making Veritaserum and other useful Auror potions and large, leather bound books with such titles as ‘Top 100 Dark Wizards caught between 1350 and 1560- A Collectors Edition’ and ‘Dark or Light Detectors- The Essential Differences’.

Finally, Alastor finished reading the letter and tossed it onto his messy desk, adding the small letter to the clutter of quills, pieces of parchment and colorful memos and pictures.

The old wizard narrowed his good eye as he stared at Dumbledore. His glass eye didn’t narrow but was also staring at Dumbledore.

“Let me guess. Even though you come here saying you needed my advice on this, I’m going to bet all the Galleons in the world that you’ve already made up your mind about this.”

Dumbledore exchanged a look with Minerva and then smiled at the old, grey haired wizard sitting across from him.

“And what if I did?”

Alastor snorted and raised his bushy grey eyebrows at him, making the many scars cutting into his old skin stand out more than usual.

“Then I’m going to tell you that you’re a fool.”

Dumbledore merely smiled at him, making the old Auror sigh in annoyance and lean forward, the sleeves of his dark blue Auror robes draping over the clutter of his desk.

“Albus, you’ve done many foolish things over the years and put your trust and faith into people and creatures I wouldn’t even have laid a finger on, and yet somehow, things have always turned out alright. Now, I know you’re good at reading people and you’ve got the heart and soul of a saint and can’t say no to anyone, no matter how ridiculous the request, and most of the time, I’m willing to go along with you. Even if I don’t approve of it, I’ll go along with it because I trust your judgment. But in this case, I’ll have to put my foot down and say I’m against it.”

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. “May I ask why, old friend?”

Alastor snorted and gave him a firm nod. “Course you may. The reason is simple. You’re thinking about taking a dark creature out of the only home he’s known his entire life and sticking him into a place of light with hundreds of happy little children who have known nothing but the light their entire lives. Not only wouldn’t he fit in, but it would be a disaster. I’ve read the files on his grandfather and the rest of that deranged family tree. His mother was absolutely right. Deranged filth, all of them. Half of them were addicted to Hell’s Breath and murdered and tortured muggles and half-bloods for their own enjoyment. The other half went insane and either killed themselves or ended up in St.Mungo’s, locked up in solitary cells until they died. But before they died, they all had kids, kids who grew up in that same madness and accepted it as their only way of life and at the end, the kids ended up mad too. This is the kind of child you’re talking about here. Not a shy, neglected little boy who’s grown up without any firm parental guidance. No. You’re dealing with a child who’s been immersed in darkness since the day he was born and it’s the only thing he knows. Just thinking about taking him out of that house and shoving him into Hogwarts is madness.”

Dumbledore looked at him. “Darkness can be driven out of any soul, Alastor, no matter how long it has festered there.” He said quietly.

Alastor sighed and exchanged a glance with Minerva, obviously wanting her help in this.

Minerva sat up straighter and turned to him.

“Albus, Alastor is right. We’re not talking about a child who can learn to love and feel and care again by being smiled at and talked to nicely. We’re talking about a child who thinks its normal to torture and kill muggles and half-bloods and to use his powers to dominate any creature he deems as inferior. We’ve seen too many dark wizards, Albus. You and I both know that once a wizard has gone bad, there’s no bringing him back.”

Dumbledore gave her a hard look. “I don’t believe that, Minerva. Especially when we’re talking about a ten year old child. Yes, I have no delusions that it will take time and a lot of effort to undo the damage that has been done, and yes, I know we probably won’t be able to undo all the damage, but perhaps, we’ll be able to help him a little bit.”

Alastor was gazing at him over steepled fingers. “Would that little bit of help make it all worth it?”

“Make what worth it?”

“Taking a child into your custody and under your care and allowing him to live at Hogwarts with you for the next seven years. Would it be worth it, even if at the end, it turned out to be for nothing and he leaves the school to do what any dark wizard does?”

Dumbledore stared at him for a moment and then at Minerva. Both of them were looking at him with those looks on their faces that told him they couldn’t believe he was willing to throw his trust and faith blindly at a strangers feet. A stranger who would probably resent him and everything he stood for. But Dumbledore’s mind was made up. He couldn’t leave a child suffering in that kind of hell, even if he would never fit into the life Dumbledore would be bringing him into.

Minerva and Alastor both sighed and exchanged looks, knowing he wouldn’t change his mind.

“Fine.” Alastor muttered, rubbing his face with his gnarled hands. “Fine. I’ll start looking for the manor and making preparations. From the way things sound, I don’t think finding the manor or entering it will be easy. Try to get any information you can out of the elf—location, wards, creatures lurking around the place—anything that could help us. I’ll take a few of my boys and girls along with us. Did the elf say we should be there in three days?”

Dumbledore nodded, a weight lifting from his heart and relief rushing through him. Herania’s desperate plea would be answered, and Severus’ nightmare would finally be over.

Alastor nodded and sighed again. “In that case, you two better get back to that school of yours and I’ll make all the necessary preparations. Call me over the floo if you get anything useful out of the elf. Merlin knows we can use all the help we can get. Come back here in three days and we’ll head out from here and find the manor. And then—” He sighed and raised his eyes to the ceiling. “Then may Merlin help us.”

 

**July 18th, 1971**

**Snape Manor**

 

Severus glanced up when he heard a small pop and a flash of light on the other side of the table. He put down the knife he was using to cut up nettles and raised his eyebrows at the sight of his elf standing there, staring at him with huge eyes and a gaping mouth.

“Is there a reason you’re standing there, gaping like a stupid muggle?”

Gorgon’s eyes remained huge as he stared at him. “Young master must come up to room quickly.” He whispered urgently.

Severus frowned at him, not understanding why the elf was whispering in the deserted workshop. It wasn’t like the Banshee guarding the door outside could understand him.

“Elf, what—”

Gorgon muttered a small curse and hurried around the table and started tugging on his young master’s robes. “Young master can’t ask questions now. Please just trust Gorgy and do what Gorgy say. Young master must hurry up to rooms.”

Severus frowned, but nevertheless, he stepped off the stool and followed the old elf to the door. Reaching it, he briefly turned around and extinguished the fire flickering beneath the cauldron in which a half prepared potion was simmering. With another small mutter and flick of his wand, he returned the nettles into their container and sent the container flying back to the shelf where it had come from.

Gorgon was nervously hopping from one foot to the other, clutching his head and tugging on his robes. “Young master must hurry.”

Sighing from annoyance and irritation at not knowing what was going on, Severus shot an irritated glare at the elf, but followed him out the door.

Shutting the door behind him, he stepped past the Banshee, who was crouching on the floor, her long, tangled hair draping on the floor and dried blood crusting on her pale face. The long metallic collar around her neck and the chain attached to it kept her securily tied to the wall and an unbreakable charm on it prevented it from breaking. Severus had once read that Banshees were vegetarians, but his Father had cursed her and transformed her teeth into fangs and she had become a flesh tearing guardian for the workshop. It was safe to say that nobody had ever gotten into the room when his Father didn’t want them to.

The Banshee snapped her head up when she saw him pass and she snarled softly. Severus and Gorgon both held out their hands, allowing her to sniff them. Quickly recognizing their scents, she relaxed and went back to crouching on the floor, glaring around the dark hallway.

Severus followed Gorgon’s anxiously hopping figure up the stairs leading to the main floor and then up the marble staircase leading to the upper floor. Finally reaching his room, he went in and slammed the door behind him.

Then he crossed his arms across his chest and raised his eyebrows expectantly at his elf.

“So, I’m waiting.”

Gorgon gave him that leering half grin that meant he was hiding something. “Waiting for what?”

Severus sighed. “You know precisely what I’m talking about. I want to know why you were in such a frenzy about having me come up here right away.”

The smile slid off Gorgon’s face and he pressed his lips together. “Gorgy very sorry but Gorgy swore to mistress not to tell young master. But young master not need to worry. All will be over soon.” He whispered, his eyes nervously flicking towards the shut door, lest one of the other elves overhear him.

Severus frowned at him and narrowed his eyes, trying to make some sense out of the elf’s evasive answer.

Finally, he sighed and rolled his eyes, muttering about childish nonsense. Going to his corner, he sat down and used his wand to summon the book he and Gorgon had been reading a few days ago.

Opening it, he propped it onto his knees. Right away, Gorgon had scampered over to him and was sitting cross legged beside him, staring over his shoulder at the moving pictures.

Severus glanced at him. “You finished off chapter three last time so I’ll start chapter four and then we’ll switch.”

Gorgon nodded and leaned against the wall.

For the next few hours, Gorgon desperately tried to keep from shaking with excitement and staring at the door with a terrifying mix of fear and wild hope. He barely heard a word his young master quietly read to him and when it was his turn to read, he had to use his finger to keep his place in the book since he was glancing at the door so much that he would have re-read the same sentence five times over without realizing it, and he had to try and keep his young master’s mind on the book and not on what was going on downstairs.

So they sat there for hours, quietly reading to each other with the ten year old child frowning with concentration at the ancient potions they were reading about and the old elf frowning with fear and worry over the fact that he had managed to steal his masters wand just a few hours ago and give it to his mistress and that the next few hours would determine the rest of his and his young master’s lives.

 

*             *             *

 

Severus had just handed the book back to Gorgon and the elf squinted at the small letters, put his finger at the right spot and started reading the next paragraph.

“However, invisibility charms do tend to wear off after a certain amount of time. This is simply a safety precaution to prevent objects from being permanently lost, and is in no way an indicator of a wizards or witches ability. Also—”

Suddenly, an angry shout drifted up from downstairs. Gorgon abruptly stopped reading and both his and Severus’ heads jerked up. They glanced at each other with wide eyes before immediately springing up and running to the door.

They paused at the door and Severus put his hand on the doorhandle. He glanced at Gorgon.

“Wands.” He whispered, just as a terrified scream pierced the air. Unlike the previous shout, the scream didn’t stop immediately and continued echoing madly through the house.

Immediately, Gorgon nodded, and they both pulled their wands out and held them in front of them. Opening the door, Severus slipped through it and edged his way down the hallway, keeping close to the wall and far away from the railing over which the entrance hall below was barely visible. Severus noticed that the screaming had slightly tapered off and all he heard was moaning and harsh, ragged breathing.

Gorgon crouched close to the ground, clutching his young master’s robes in one hand in order not to lose him and clutching his crooked old wand in the other hand.

Suddenly, the eerily quiet darkness around them was pierced by a man screaming in agonizing pain somewhere in the entrance hall as a frail voice muttered something, barely heard above the screaming.

Severus ducked closer to the ground as they slowly made their way down the hallway. There was a strange scent wafting down the hallway and he carefully sniffed. Immediately, he recognized it. It was the same smell which filled the workshop and drifted around the cellar when his Father was testing corrosive potions on the subjects and they would start burning from the inside out. He sniffed the air again and wrinkled his nose. Yes, that was definitely the smell of flesh burning. He frowned as he took another few steps forward. Had one of the subjects managed to escape the workshop or the dungeon? Impossible, the Banshee would have stopped them long before they’d reached the stairs. But he found no other explanation for the horrified screaming which was drifting up from the entrance hall below them.

As they rounded a small bend, Severus finally caught sight of the marble staircase leading up from the entrance hall, and what he saw made his breath catch and froze his feet midstep.

Gorgon had been keeping so close to his young master that he hadn’t seen the stairway yet and painfully bumped into his young master when he stopped so abruptly.

Carefully glancing around the dark robes before him, Gorgon squinted through the darkness and the black railings beside them. As soon as he recognized the figure standing on the marble staircase, he froze and his eyes widened with amazement.

Herania was standing on the top landing of the staircase, her entire body pale and trembling. One of her hands clutched the marble gargoyle at the top of the marble railing, and the other held a slim, dark colored wand which Severus immediately recognized as his Father’s. Her eyes were wide and filled with wild rage and sparks of determination. She was harshly gasping for breath and blood spluttered out of her mouth and nose as she fought the agonizing fire trying to stop her from doing what she was doing. As another wave of that damn fog tried to cloud her, she nearly crumbled, but dug her shaking fingers into the gargoyle and bit her lip, ignoring the blood already there. She widened her eyes and tightened her grip on the shaking wand. For the tenth time, she carefully aimed it at the moaning, smoking black mass lying at the bottom of the stairs.

“Incendio mortarum.” She whispered as loudly as she could. A stream of fire flew from the wand and hit the huddled mass on the ground, flames encasing it and tearing the last bits of life from it. After that last bit of magic was forced past the magical binds trying to hold it back, her body was seized by convulsions and she moaned as more blood spurted out of her mouth and her vision started to fade. Gasping with pain, she forced herself to stand up once more and she took aim. She had to make sure he was dead. “Incendio—” A wracking cough took hold of her and she spat out a mouthful of blood before trying again. Her and Gorgon had practiced this too many times to fail now. “Incendio mortarum.” She whispered, her voice barely audible. A tiny flicker of fire spluttered out of the wand and drifted over to the smoking black mass on the ground. The fire was immediately extinguished when it came in contact with the burned remains.

She gasped for breath and stared at it with wide eyes. If it hadn’t lit it up, that meant there was nothing left to burn. She stared at the mass for a few more moments, which only minutes ago—but it felt like hours—had been the screaming, terrified form of her husband burning to death.

When she determined that he really was dead, she felt tears flood her eyes.

It was over. It was finally over. Her plan had worked out perfectly. Now Dumbledore would come and take her child away to a place of light and happiness.

Her shaking fingers dropped the wand and she watched as it slowly clattered down the marble stairs, coming to a rest before the smoking black mass to whom it used to belong.

As soon as she dropped the wand, she felt the last bits of life within her battered body slowly fading. Although the imperius curse had finally been lifted off her, she felt absolutely no different. Just as she had suspected, her body was too abused, too torn apart and too used up to recover.

She barely noticed her legs giving out and her grip on the gargoyle loosening as she collapsed on the landing of the marble staircase. She lay against the cold marble, feeling her life slowly draining away, but she couldn’t stop a tiny smile from creeping over her face. She had won. It was finally over. She had won.

She was barely heard the mad stamping of two pairs of feet racing down the hallway and rounding the corner to where she lay.

 

*             *             *

 

Severus flew around the corner and dropped to his knees beside the shaking form of his mother.

“Mother?” he whispered.

Her sunken eyes were closed and strands of her tangled, black hair partially covered her face. With trembling fingers, Severus smoothed the strands off her face and behind her ear, trying not to see the many grey streaks which had forced their way in much too early. He ignored the blood dripping from the corner of her mouth and her nose and the way her skin was even paler than usual.

He clenched his jaw and leaned closer to her. He gently touched her cold cheek with a finger.

“Mother? It’s me. It’s Severus. And Gorgon is here too.” He whispered. The old elf had crept up behind him and was hovering beside him, staring anxiously at his mistress.

Severus held his breath as he slowly watched her force her eyes open. A small smile crept over her face and a tiny spark lit up her eyes. Severus had never seen either of them before.

“My child.” She whispered, her voice hoarse and so frail that Severus hardly heard her. She weakly turned her head and stared at Gorgon. She gave him a tiny smile. “We did it, Gorgon. I knew we could.”

Gorgon gave her a smile, tears streaming down his face. “We won, mistress. We did. Gorgy always knew mistress could do it.”

“I couldn’t have without your help, Gorgon. You truly are a rare gift in this cruel world.” She whispered weakly.

Hearing that she was alive, Severus ignored what they were saying to each other and immediately turned to Gorgon. “Hurry, elf. Do a healing spell or give her a potion, anything at all.” When Gorgon simply stared at his mistress, his eyes clouding with sadness, Severus glared at him. “Don’t just sit there, gawking, elf! Hurry up! Do something!” he yelled. He froze when he felt a weak hand clutching his own. He glanced down.

His mother took a deep breath, tears brimming her eyelids. She shook her head. “There’s nothing Gorgon can do, child. I’ve pulled every bit of life and fight I can out of this body and it won’t give me more. But this is what I wanted, child. Gorgon and I have planned this for a long time. He’s finally dead, Severus. You’re free, my child. I’ve always known that I might have to give up my own life in order to give you your freedom, but that has never been a choice for me. I’m giving you this sacrifice gladly.”

Severus stared at her. He didn’t know what to say. He had never known his mother was brilliant enough to plan and carry this out on her own. He also hadn’t known how much she loved him and what a good heart she had. He hadn’t known his mother at all.

She gave him a thin, watery smile. “I know we never truly got to know each other, child, but I want you to know that I’ve always loved you and I did this for you. Now, I know I don’t have much time left, but I want to tell you something very important, Severus. And because it will be the only parental advice I’ve ever given you, I hope you’ll remember it. I want you to forget everything that monster ever said to you and taught you, child. I never want you to turn into what he was. I want you to not be afraid to let light shine into your soul. It might feel strange and I know the darkness is more familiar to you, but I don’t want you to be afraid of the light. Always remember that light can guide your path, but darkness never can.” She whispered. With every word, her voice had gotten fainter and fainter, until finally, the last few drifted past her lips as a mere breath and Severus barely heard them.

As he watched with horrified, wide eyes, he saw the faint light fading from his mother’s eyes and felt the hand clutching his own grow weak and fall to the floor. With a tiny sigh, his mother’s life faded out of her.

Severus knelt there on the floor, staring at her still body, not knowing what to feel. It had been so long since he’d let sadness clutch him that he didn’t dare let it in. And to feel anything else right now didn’t seem possible. He remembered Gorgon calling this ‘being in shock’.

He was barely aware of Gorgon erupting into mornful wails and sobs and reaching over with trembling fingers to close her dark eyes.

He found himself unable to look at the sight of his mothers still body and he glanced down the stairs at the smoking, black mass lying on the marble floor.

He glared down at it, and suddenly, all the shock evaporated and a vicious, burning rage flooded him. Clutching his wand in shaking hands, he pushed himself up and slowly made his way down the stairs. He was filled with such raw anger that he felt himself shaking and had to clench his jaw and concentrate on not falling down the stairs. He slowly made his way down, his mind already running over the many things he would do with that smoking mass of dead flesh. He would have preferred it if it could still feel pain, but that option was closed now. But he had lots of other options.

He glared as he slowly neared it, his eyes narrow slits from which angry sparks of heat erupted. The monster would pay. Pay for the years of pain and humiliation he had caused him and the years of isolation and pain he had caused his mother. And most importantly, pay for taking his mother away from him many, many years ago.

He suddenly became aware of someone madly tugging on his robes.

“Let go of me, elf. I’m going to tear that monsters remains to pieces.” He snarled between clenched teeth.

The grip on his robes didn’t loosen.

“Young master can’t let anger control him. Must control anger. Otherwise, end up just as mad and deranged as master was. And mistress says young master must never become like master was. Please. Let Gorgy take care of remains and young master stay with mistress.”

Maybe it was the pleading and the tear choked words of his elf. Maybe it was the mention of his mother. Maybe it was a small part of him that wanted to live up to his mother’s last words.

Whatever the reason was, he felt that sudden rage seeping out of him and was replaced by emptiness. He froze on the stairs and slowly turned around to stare at Gorgon, whose gnarled hand was entwined in his robe and whose face was still covered with tears.

They stared at each other in silence for a long moment.

Finally, Severus slowly turned around and looked around the dark, filthy mansion. He spied house elves crouching behind the railings, their filthy hands clutching the twisted metal bars and their wide, deranged eyes staring at the spectacle below them. Asides from them, nothing moved. Severus took a deep breath and swallowed that hard lump in his throat. What in the name of Grindelwald would they do now? He and Gorgon were alone in a house full of darkness, filth, deranged elves, mad thestrals, screaming and crying muggles and mudbloods and a flesh eating Banshee.

Well, whatever they would do, there was something they had to do first. He turned back to Gorgon.

“Help me levitate her to the bedroom and we’ll put her into bed. Let the other elves take care of that filth lying down there.”

Gorgon nodded and wiped the tears off his face. They both held their wands ready and muttered the levitating charm and slowly watched as Herania’s still body floated up into the air. Walking down the hallway behind her, they gently steered her down the hallway towards her bedroom.

 

**July 21st, 1971**

**Snape Manor**

 

Severus got up and once again, pulled the blanket up to his mother’s chin and smoothed a few stray hairs off her cheek. He glanced around the dark room, barely seeing it.

He hadn’t left the room since he and Gorgon had slowly lowered his mother’s still body onto the bed and tucked the blankets around her. For the past three days, he had sat on the edge of the bed, holding one of her cold, still hands and quietly read his favourite books to her. Gorgon would stop by from time to time. The old elf would either quietly ask him if he didn’t want to walk around the hallways a bit or come down to the diningroom to eat, but Severus always ignored him. He didn’t want to eat. He didn’t want to walk. He knew his life was nearly over. He had no wish to stay in this manor with its madness and darkness. He knew that not eating would one day finally kill him and he’d leave this place and go be where ever his mother’s spirit was now. He didn’t know what kind of place that would be, but he was sure that it had to be better than this. Anything was better than this.

But until then, he would sit here and hold her hand and read to her. A small, childish part of him actually believed that she could understand him and liked the books he was reading to her and that she was just resting and closing her eyes before they would go and do something fun together. But that other, darker and more cynical part of him would always laugh that off and remind him that she was dead and there was nothing he could do to bring her back. It was at that point that he’d always snarl at Gorgon to leave him alone and he’d darkly glare around the room, hating everything and everyone in the world.

Gorgon tried to reach his young master, but when he realized that there was nothing he could do or say to make the situation better, he concentrated on making sure the ten year old would still be alive by the time Dumbledore got here. Gorgon still refused to give up the wild hope his mistress had lit up within him. Any day now, Dumbledore would show up at the manor to take his young master away and his young master would come out of this darkness and learn to smile and laugh again. That enormous, dark, cynical part of him laughed at this and quietly hissed at him that his young master would successfully starve himself to death and die angry and alone beside his mother’s corpse, but Gorgon always shoved that voice away. Help would come, he was sure of it.

He spent the majority of his time fetching new books for his young master and guarding the bedroom door from deranged, snarling elves who wanted to revenge themselves on their mistress for having murdered their beloved master. Gorgon was sure that if he hadn’t had his wand to defend himself with and if he hadn’t paid attention to the many curse and hex books he and his young master had read together over the years, he would have died. The elves had thrown themselves at him with knives, needles, axes and anything else they could grab and drag up the stairs.

 

*             *             *

 

Dumbledore tried not to sigh with impatience. He glanced around the dark forest. Here and there, he caught glimpses of blue Auror robes and heard mutterings of revealing charms and the strong stench of revealing powders being thrown into the air. Alastor was standing a few feet from him, frowning down at the map Gorgon had drawn for them, while his glass eye wildly roamed around, piercing through any invisibility charms or cloaks which might be hiding the manor. They had been searching for it for hours, and still, there was nothing. Alastor was sure that the location was right, and judging from the large clearing in the middle of a forest, he was right, but how they could coax the manor into revealing itself was still beyond them. Gorgon had been reluctant to reveal too much information about it, save for the fact that once they were inside, they wouldn’t have to worry about his master. That was a relief, but it didn’t help them right now.

Dumbledore frowned, deep in thought. He knew the Aurors Alastor had brought along with him weren’t morons, but were amongst the best the ministry had. So the reason their charms and various spells and powders weren’t working couldn’t be due to anybody’s ability. It had to be something else.

Suddenly, an idea struck him. He remembered Gorgy carrying a purse string around his neck filled with something which the elf hadn’t touched but had constantly checked to make sure none of it had spilled or disappeared. Curious about it, Dumbledore had gently probbed the elf’s mind, not enough to invade private thoughts, but enough to learn that Herania had given Gorgon the purse and its contents in order to help him find the manor upon his return. If that little bit of magic had come from inside the manor, Dumbledore thought he was probably correct in assuming it was a dark substance.

He frowned again, an idea starting to swirl around in his mind. Glancing up, he saw Alastor muttering to himself and glaring darkly around the clearing.

“Alastor? A question if you don’t mind?”

Alastor glanced at him. “I never mind and you know it.”

“A thought suddenly came whirling into this mad mind of mine. What if good magic won’t do us any good here?”

Alastor stared at him. “I’m going to need a little bit more than that, old friend. You’re not making much sense.”

“No, no, it makes perfect sense. Just think about it. This is a dark manor, so wouldn’t it make sense that only dark magic could reveal its location? And not just any dark magic but something that is easily accessible by the Snape’s and something that most other people wouldn’t ever think of.”

“Except for mad nutters like you.”

Dumbledore gave him a smile and winked at him. “Of course.”

Alastor mulled over the idea and finally nodded. “Well, I suppose it makes sense. But if it’s some curse or secret password, we’ll have a hell of a time figuring it out.” He sighed. “But, the sooner we get started, the sooner we can get out of here.”

Nodding, Dumbledore pulled his wand out and started casting various dark spells around himself and muttering different potential passwords such as Dark wizard names or objects. After he had exhausted himself, he glanced around the clearing, noticing that nobody else was having much luck either. A few wizards were gathered around a witch who had pulled out an enormous book on dark curses and spells and was busily turning the pages and muttering to the group around her.

Dumbledore sighed. This was getting him nowhere.

Suddenly, he thought of the purse around Gorgon’s neck again. No. No spells, passwords or curse were going to get him into this manor. He had to figure out what had been in that purse.

Pursing his lips, he mulled it over, before the answer suddenly hit him like a bolt of lightening or a healthy gulp of fire-whisky.

Hell’s Breath powder. It had to be.

Turning quickly, he faced the general direction of Diagon Alley and pulled out his wand. Taking a deep breath and focusing his magic as well as he could, he summoned a small amount to him. In a few moments, a small paper bag came flying towards him and stopped about an inch before his wand. He grabbed it and carefully poured the light green powder into his hands.

Throwing it into the air, he muttered “Revealisio” and held his breath as he watched the green powder gently flying through the air. Gradually, the powder started spinning and seemed to expand as the powder multiplied. The powder continued madly swirling and multiplying until it had engulfed nearly the entire clearing and had created such a brutal wind that Dumbledore had to hold onto his hat and the paper bag. Confused Aurors were yelling to each other as they madly clung onto books and their cloaks and Alastor was yelling at him, asking him what kind of a bloody idiot he was and what in the name of Merlin had he done this time?

Suddenly, the green powder started sparkling and glimmering in the sunlight and started to take on a definite shape. Glimpsing some shapes which resembled tall towers, he figured it must be the manor. The powder split up into different sections, swirling madly and making the wind whistle through the trees as the green powder formed parts of the manor.

Finally, the powder started changing color and solidifying and after a few moments, an enormous, dark mansion towered infront of them.

 

*             *             *

 

Severus’ head snapped up as soon as he heard voices drifting up from the courtyard outside. There weren’t any windows for him to see out of, but years of living in near silence in the mansion had left him with erily good eyesight and hearing. He frowned and slid off the bed and crept closer to the wall. Pointing his wand at his ear, he muttered an enhancement charm and then leaned against the wall.

“Were you trying to get us all killed?” Came a muttered, annoyed voice. “You’re a mad old, fool.”

Some good natured chuckling. “I’m well aware, old friend, well aware. Now, before we waste anymore time, somebody should round up these thestrals and get them back to Hogwarts. They can join the ones already roaming the forest. I don’t want to leave them in an empty house.”

Severus pulled away from the wall, nervously chewing on his lower lip. They must be raiders who had somehow figured out how to get past the wards. He had no idea how anybody could know about his Father’s death, since nobody ever left the manor, but maybe one of the elves had managed to creep outside and alert the thestrals.

Well, even if he was going to die very soon, he wasn’t going to do it while some morons were stripping the manor to pieces. He hated this house and everything in it, but it was still his house and he wasn’t going to let strangers touch it.

Thinking quickly, he frowned and hurried towards the door. Waving his wand at it, it sprang open. Immediately, two snarling, angry elves shoved knives at him, madly screeching at him to let them get at the mistress.

Glaring at them, Severus pointed his wand at them and sent them crashing against the far wall. They both lay there, staring at him with slightly dazed looks, their knives lying on the ground.

Severus glared from one to the other. “Now, you two are going to shut up and listen to me. There’s much more at stake here than your twisted sense of loyalty. There are people outside who are going to try and break in. Go and gather all the elves and arm yourselves with any weapons you can find and line the railings on the upper floor. One of you must slip downstairs and tell the Banshee to be ready in case anybody tries to get into the workshop to steal potion ingredients.”

The elves were staring at him with wide eyes and looked at each other with alarm. Nobody had ever tried to break into the manor. Panic threatening to overwhelm them, they quickly scampered to their feet and ran down the hall, madly hissing for all the elves to gather together. Severus turned around and walked down the hall, looking for Gorgon. He had to tell the elf to make sure he had his wand ready. They had to be prepared.

 

*             *             *

 

Gorgon was humming an ancient elf song under his breath as he squinted at the many books lining his young masters shelves. He frowned as he tried to decide on the next one to take to his young master and mistress. He was concentrating so hard that he barely heard the faint voices drifting over to him. At first, he thought they were the mad hisses of the elves who were wandering the hallways, but when he listened closer, he realized they were coming from outside.

Immediately, his heart soared. It must be Dumbledore. He had figured out how to get into the manor! He was here to save young master.

Tears brimming his eyelids, he raised his eyes and thanked Grindelwald for Dumbledore. Then he spun around, ready to run to his mistress’ room and tell his young master, when he froze.

A shaking elf with huge, deranged eyes was leering at him from the doorway. He shifted from one foot to the other, staring at him hungrily.

“Now stupid elf pay for protecting filth that kill master.” The elf hissed softly.

In the elf’s trembling hand was the crooked, old shape of Gorgon’s wand.

 

*             *             *

 

The first thing that hit Dumbledore when they had forced open the magically bound oak doors was the smell.

Such a strong stench of filth, death, decaying and burning flesh and evil hit him that he nearly stumbled. One of the Aurors beside him gagged and nearly threw up and even Alastor wrinkled his nose.

“Place smells like a filthy heap of death.” He muttered.

Dumbledore wasn’t thinking about the smell or the darkness or the filth. He was thinking about a small child and his elf who were the only two sane, living beings left in the house.

He took a few careful steps inside, his heavy shoes echoing loudly on the marble floor through the empty, dark entrance hall. He squinted through the darkness and tried to find some windows, but found none. Except for a few flickering candles, he couldn’t see any other source of light.

Other Aurors crowded around him, quietly muttering amongst themselves, staring around with pale faces or gagging, but most were simply blinking around themselves like Dumbledore was, trying to see anything in the darkness surrounding them.

As Dumbledore took another step forward, his shoe kicked something lying on the ground. Taking out his wand, he lit the end of it and held it close to the ground. Immediately, he froze, a shudder of evil foreboding running down his spine.

Pieces of charred flesh were strewn around the entrance hall in a crude circles and crooked lines. The pieces were obviously meant to represent something, but Dumbledore couldn’t determine what. Alastor was examining the pieces. “It’s human flesh, Albus. Somebody burned someone to death and then some mad idiot made a twisted memorial out of the remains.”

Dumbledore frowned. Perhaps these were the remains of Herania’s husband. He had hoped she had merely restrained him somehow, but on second thought, he knew that she would have only felt secure if her husband was truly dead.

Swallowing the bile in his throat, he shook his head and turned back to the main task at hand. Finding Severus and getting him out of this hell.

He was about to turn his head to instruct Alastor and the Aurors to carefully search the house, when suddenly, a child’s voice penetrated the eerie darkness.

“I wouldn’t come any closer if I were you. The elves won’t be too happy if you destroy their filthy little memorial.”

Dumbledore’s head snapped up. The voice had been cold and dangerously quiet but had pierced through the silence around them like a knife. But it had been undeniably a child’s voice.

He squinted through the darkness and forced his eyes to adjust, until finally, he could make out the figure standing at the top of the marble staircase.

A small child clad in flowing black robes stood in the middle of the landing, his wand pointed straight at them. His face was pale and drawn and he looked much too thin for his age. His eyes were dark and empty and he was glaring down at them. But asides from the glare, the rest of his face remained blank and pale. If he was scared or nervous, there wasn’t a shred of evidence on his face.

Surrounding him were about seven house elves. They were dressed in rags and all of them were clutching sharp kitchen knives, axes and other metallic objects. Most of them had shackles attached to their other wrists and dead animals or human heads were attached to the ends of the chains. All of them were glaring down at them, their eyes filled with madness and hate. As Dumbledore carefully looked around, he could see other elves snarling softly and glaring at him from between the railing lining the upper floor.

Dumbledore caught Alastor casually moving his wand out of the corner of his eye. Glancing at him, he quietly muttered not to disarm the child.

Alastor stared at him. “You want me to leave a wand in the hands of someone who might be able to kill us? Are you mad?” he whispered harshly.

Dumbledore gave him a hard look. “Don’t remove the boy’s only defense. It’ll make him even more scared than he already is and he could lash out at us.” When Alastor rolled his eyes, Dumbledore gave him a small smile. “Let me give this a shot, alright? If I fail, then by all means, disarm him, stun him and we’ll drag him to the ministry, but for now, let me try, alright?”

Alastor muttered a response and went back to glaring around the place while Dumbledore quickly mulled over how he was going to handle this.

This wasn’t going to be easy.

 

*             *             *

 

Severus glared down at the group, making sure they couldn’t see how scared he really was. He hadn’t expected there to be this many. He knew that he and the elves were no match for a bunch of wizards and witches, but if they all looked intimidating enough, then they might be able to scare them off. He lifted his chin and narrowed his eyes, making sure his wand didn’t tremble. Where in the name of Grindelwald was Gorgon? If the strangers decided to attack, he would need the old elf’s help.

He watched as one of the wizards nearly tripped over a piece of his Father’s remains. He carefully kept his face impassive, but secretly, he wished they would obliterate the entire disgusting display. He couldn’t believe that the elves had done this. The stupid, filthy sluts.

He continued glaring down at the wizards. They were all wearing dark blue robes with some sort of crest sewn onto the the right side of their chests. Only one of the wizards was wearing different colored robes. The wizard was quite old and his long, silver beard nearly reached his waist. He had a pair of gold rimmed crescent glasses perched on his crooked nose and was wearing a purple robe with bright yellow stars constantly shooting across it and flickering on and off. Severus was getting nauseous just looking at it and the bright glare of the stars hurt his eyes.

He had seen how the old wizard had snapped his head up and had stared at him with surprise. Not fear, but surprise.

Severus made sure to glare harder. He didn’t want the stupid fool to look surprised, he wanted him to be scared and to get the hell out of this house. He wanted to die alone and in peace beside his mother and Gorgon.

The old wizard cleared his throat. “You must be Severus.”

Severus clenched his jaw when he heard his name. For a moment, panic threatened to set in, but he suppressed it and kept glaring.

“Get out of this house.” He hissed quietly.

If the old man was intimidated by his attitude, he didn’t show it. “I am Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts School.”

Severus clenched his jaw. “I couldn’t care less who you are, but unless you get out of this house right now, I will tell the elves to attack, and believe me, by the time they’re through, pieces of you will join that memorial down there on the floor. And in case the elves won’t be enough, there’s a flesh eating Banshee in the cellar who I can release with just one single word and she’ll definitely finish you all off. If she can chew through five filthy mudbloods in ten minutes, just imagine what she can do to you.”

Actually, Severus had no idea how to release the Banshee from her magically bound chain, but he figured that he needed all the advantages he could get.

The old wizard sighed softly and looked up at him. “Very well, then. Before we go, might I speak with Gorgon first?”

Severus fought down the panic that was now really threatening to engulf him. How did this stranger know his and his elf’s name? Nobody had visited the manor since Severus was born.

“How do you know my elf?” he demanded.

The wizard raised his eyebrows, as if the answer was the most obvious in the world. “He came to see me a few days ago.”

Severus decided to try another lie. “Impossible. My elf has never left the manor.”

The wizard looked surprised. “Then it would appear that there are two Gorgon’s running around in this manor. I would check quite carefully if I were you. And if you could find me the right one, I would very much appreciate it.”

Some of the other wizards were chuckling. Severus narrowed his eyes. They were laughing at him. The laughing reminded him of how the elves sniggered when they asked if he had pleased the master properly the night before. The sound of the laughter enraged him.

Pointing his wand at one of them, he levitated the wizard and sent him flying across the hall and slamming into the far wall.

Abruptly, the laughter stopped and suddenly, Severus found a number of wands pointed right at him. He raised his chin and glared in response.

The old wizard held up a hand and quietly told everyone to calm down and lower their wands.

He glanced up at Severus. “I apologize for their laughter and for my comments. They were quite inappropriate. Now, to get back to what we were—”

“Master Professor Dumbledore!” Came an excited shriek as a small figure came running down the hallway towards Severus. Severus immediately recognized Gorgon’s voice. For a moment, irritation flooded him and he was about to demand where the hell he had been, but then he paused. His elf had known the wizards name. Something was definitely going on here.

Severus glanced down at Gorgon. For a moment, concern flooded him when he saw scratches and dried blood covering his pillow case and face, but the old elf’s eyes were glowing and he was excitedly hopping around, his wand waving in the air, so Severus guessed he was alright.

He glared down at him. “Calm down at once, you’re being ridiculous. Now, explain to me how you know this man.”

Gorgon stopped his hopping and squealing and turned around to face his young master, his one ear flapping around his head.

“Very long story, young master.”

With a sideways glare at the quiet wizards and witches staring up at him, Severus glanced at his elf. “Well in that case, you better speak quickly.” He hissed quietly.

So Gorgon quickly told him about his mother fighting the Imperius curse for months and being strong enough to dictate the letter to Gorgon and practicing the Incendio mortarum curse. Then he told his young master about how Gorgon had gone to Hogwarts to ask for the headmasters help and how he had come back and stolen his master’s wand and given it to his mistress, who had then finished the plan she had started so many years ago.

Severus stared at his elf. Part of him was stunned and wanted to burst out into tears at the thought that his mother had done so much for him and that he hadn’t even known it, but another part of him knew he couldn’t cry even if he wanted to. That same part of him also wanted these strangers out of the house, no matter if they had come to help him or not.

He turned back to the silent wizards and glared at the one who was the headmaster.

“Neither Gorgon nor I need your help. My Father is gone and so is my mother and Gorgon and I are perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves.” He narrowed his eyes and jerked his chin towards the door, ignoring Gorgon’s quiet murmurs of protest. “Now get out.”

The headmaster raised his eyebrows. “I apologize, my dear child, but I can’t do that.”

“It isn’t that difficult, just turn around and walk out of here and forget that this place even exists. Do it before I decide to help you. If I do, it won’t be pretty.”

The old wizard shook his head. “I didn’t mean the leaving part is not possible, but leaving you here on your own is. You see, your mother granted me custodial rights. That effectively makes me your legal guardian, and I can’t simply leave you here.”

Severus glared. “The only way you’ll get me to come is if you force me, but I’m warning you, I’m used to pain and I can take quite a bit of it before I break.”

The headmaster looked hurt. “I would never hurt you, my dear. If you don’t want to come with me, then I’ll have to alert the ministry. Now, even though I can promise I won’t hurt you, I can’t guarantee that the ministry workers would do the same. And if they remove you, they would put you into an orphanage, possibly for the rest of your life.”

Severus raised his chin. “You seem to have the deluded idea that I need your or the ministry’s help. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, and besides, in a years time, I will be starting at Durmstrang Institute.”

The headmaster frowned. “Durmstrang? I don’t think that’s the best idea, my dear.”

Severus glared. “It doesn’t interest me what you think, old man. Now get out of this house and leave me alone.”

The old wizard sighed softly. “My dear, you don’t seem to understand that staying here isn’t one of your options. You are too young to take care of yourself. Even if you are perfectly capable of finding what you need to keep yourself healthy and alive, there are some things you will require adult guidance for. Besides all that, it isn’t legal for you to remain here on your own. The only two choices you have are to come with me, or to wait for the ministry worker to come and put you into an orphanage. Now, between the two of us, you strike me as someone who likes magic and messing around with a wand, hm?”

Severus glared and didn’t answer.

“I must warn you that in an orphanage, the restrictions on magic are quite strict and you wouldn’t be allowed to have a wand or do any magic until you’re old enough to attend a wizarding school. But if you come to Hogwarts with me, I might be able to bend the underage wizardry restriction a bit, and you’d have plenty of room to run around in and fabulous amounts of trouble to get into. I can’t make those promises for an orphanage.”

Severus frowned, gettting interested despite all of his efforts not to. “Hogwarts is a school?”

The headmaster nodded. “Yes. Children of all ages attend it and spent seven years learning all kinds of magic.”

“Would I be allowed to learn some new magic as well?”

The old wizard smiled. “But of course, child. You’re a year younger than children usually are when they start, but I take it you’ve had a pretty good headstart with the magical business than they have so I don’t see any problem with you taking some classes as well.”

Severus frowned and bit his lip, thinking this over. Truthfully, he was thrilled at the idea of leaving the manor and going to someplace better. Especially if this new place could teach him more magic. He glanced down at Gorgon and they stared at each other. Gorgon gave him a tiny nod and a smile, obviously approving.

Severus slowly nodded and then glared down at the old wizard. “Alright. I’ll come with you. But I want my elf to come with me.”

The headmaster nodded. “Of course.”

Gorgon quietly tugged on Severus’ robes. “Young master forgets that Gorgy bonded to manor and only master or mistress can release Gorgy from bond. Usually, last surviving family member can release elf, but master changed bond magic.”

Severus bit his lip, remembering this.

The old wizard gave them a smile. “I apologize for the eavesdropping, but I couldn’t help but overhear. If the two of you would like to come down here, I might be able to help.”

Slowly, Gorgon and Severus made their way down the stairs and carefully stepped over charred remains of the memorial until they came to a stop before the old wizard. He smiled at both of them, his eyes twinkling.

Severus frowned. He had never seen someone smile so much in his life. He found it disturbing.

“Gorgon, if you could hold up one of your hands and Severus, if you could do the same.”

Glaring at him suspiciously and ready to yank his hand away in a moment, Severus carefully raised his hand, palm up. Gorgon did the same.

The old wizard took out his wand and muttered a few words which Severus couldn’t understand and then lightly tapped Gorgon and his palms three times each.

Then Severus was met by another way too friendly and bright smile. “There we are. Now the two of you are bonded to each other and will be until death. Now, this doesn’t mean that Gorgon must go wherever you go, Severus, but it simply means Gorgon can leave this house and go where he pleases, as long as he has your permission.”

Severus nodded as Gorgon gave the headmaster a low bow and thanked him.

The headmaster turned and asked one of the wizards beside him to hand in a sack. “Now, is there anything in the house you wish to take with you?”

“My books from my room.” The answer had come out of his mouth without him really being aware of it. The old wizard nodded and waved his wand in the air. Immediately, streams of dark colored books bound in leather and fraying fabric came fluttering along the hallway and down the marble staircase. Before they reached the sack, they shrank into tiny versions of their former selves and gently dropped into the bag.

When all the books had been transfigured and put into the sack, the headmaster shut it and slung it over his shoulder. Reaching into his pocket, he drew out a silver pocket watch. Using his wand, he muttered “Portus” at it.

Severus frowned. He had read about that spell. It turned objects into portkeys. He had never used one before, but he had read about them.

The old wizard smiled at them. “Now, if you two could just put a finger onto the watch on the count of three, we’ll be off.” Severus and Gorgon glanced at each other, nodded and then lifted tentative fingers.

“Ready? One-two-three—”

On three, both of them put their fingers onto the cold surface of the silver watch. Immediately, a hook seemed to grab Severus from his navel and yank him forward.

The manor around him swirled, the darkness, the glares of the mad elves, the faint flickering of dim candle light, all blending together and gradually fading.

As he stared around himself, he saw the darkness gradually getting lighter. Many different colors streamed past him and slowly started slowing down and taking shape, and with them, the next part of his life came into focus.

 

*             *             *

 

As soon as they rematerialized, Severus was hit by a blinding flash of light so strong that it nearly made his head explode.

With a muffled cry, he hunched over and squeezed his eyes shut. Immediately, he felt a strange hand on his back.

Flinching away, he immediately uncoiled himself and hissed at the owner of the hand not to touch him. That proved to be a mistake. As soon as he had opened his eyes a tiny bit to glare at the retreating hand, that bright flash of light pierced through his head and he curled back up into his comforting darkness.

He heard somebody angrily hissing that nobody should touch his young master, and then he felt his elf’s reassuring presence beside him.

“Gorgy right here, young master. Nobody else touch him, Gorgy makes sure of that. Where young master hurt? Tell Gorgy quickly so Gorgy can fix.”

Severus slowly shook his head, not opening his eyes. “It’s too bright, Gorgon. Whatever that light is, turn it off.”

He heard his elf sigh. “Gorgy sorry but can’t turn sun off, young master. Gorgy knows young master never seen sun before and much too bright for sensitive eyes, but must slowly get used to it. Not bad when do it slowly.”

Severus clenched his jaw. Stupid sun. Why couldn’t the rest of the world be as dark as the manor had been? This damn light was hurting his eyes and making his head ache.

He felt another presence crouching down on his other side and he automatically jerked away from it, nearly bowling his elf over, who put a protective hand on his back.

He heard someone clearing their throat, and recognized the headmasters voice. “I apologize for the shock, Severus. Try to open your eyes while keeping them covered and then gradually let them adjust to the brightness. They might hurt for a bit, but that’s only because they have been sensitized from constantly being in darkness.”

Severus wanted to tell him to shut up and mind his own business, but his head was hurting too much to argue.

Slowly, he forced his eyes open, keeping his arms across them. A little bit of light drifted past the dense fabric of his robe, but it wasn’t enough to hurt his eyes. Slowly, he moved his arms down, letting more and more of the invasive, piercing brightness in.

Finally, he could squint down at the ground, glaring at the shadow dancing across the grass by his feet.

Gorgon was still crouching beside him, looking at him with concern. “Young master alright now?”

Severus nodded. “As long as I look at the ground and squint it’s not as bad.” He muttered, slowly pushing himself up.

The headmaster and Gorgon both straightened up and slowly started walking across the field of grass onto which they had materialized.

It was only when they started walking that Severus first took notice of his surroundings. And what he saw made him forget all about his headache and his loathing at the bright thing glaring down at him from above.

He stopped moving and stared around himself, hardly believing his eyes. A huge field of lush green grass stretched out on all sides of him. A small path led up to a flight of stairs leading to heavy oak doors of an enormous castle towering above him. Behind him, the path lead down to a tall wrought iron gate, on which there was a large, iron crest.

Beside him, he saw a large, sparkling blue lake. Tiny waves gently lapped at the shore and bobbed the small boats floating on it up and down. A small hut stood a few feet from the lake, covered in a dazzling array of colorful wildflowers which nearly made Severus nauseous.

He slowly forced his feet to keep walking, hardly remembering to breathe. He had never imagined there could be places like this. Places with such color and beauty and light. True, he did think that it could be a little darker and the many wildflowers dotting the green grass could have decided to all be one color, but still, he couldn’t believe such a beautiful place could exist.

He glanced up and squinted through the brightness to see the headmaster smiling gently at him.

“A simply gorgeous day, isn’t it?”

Severus scowled at him. That was easy for the old fool to say. His head wasn’t exploding and he had probably never known any place with no grass, flowers or light.

Gorgon was hopping along the path, squealing with excitement and grinning that lopsided grin of his, the long scar on his face giving him a grotesque appearance, but Severus knew his elf had never been happier.

Finally, they reached the long flight of stairs and they slowly climbed up them until they reached the tall, oak doors.

Without waiting for an incantation or a flick from a wand, the doors slowly opened and the three of them walked into Hogwarts.

As soon as he had stepped over the threshold, Severus stopped, Gorgon right beside him.

Both of them gaped slightly as they stared around themselves.

A long white marble hallway stretched before them. Winding corridors and flights of stairs led up from the hallway and silent statues and moving portraits lined the walls. Severus glanced at the portraits. None of them had curtains drawn over them and all of their inhabitants were smiling at him. None of them were screaming or crying or muttering madly to themselves. Some of them were playing cards together or were talking quietly amongst themselves, but they all paused and smiled at him when he walked by. It was obvious that some of the people in the portraits didn’t belong there, since quite a few of the frames were jam-packed with people and there were some empty frames lining the walls.

“This, my dears is the Entrance Hall.”

The headmaster slowly walked before them, letting them gawk around. He came to a stop by a set of double doors on his right and gave them a smile as they opened.

He swept his arm inside. “The Great Hall where we all eat our meals and have school assemblies and parties and other such enormously fun events.”

Severus curiously peeked into the room. Four huge tables were standing against the far wall and one long table stood on a platform at the other end of the room. Severus frowned when he saw a large piece of fabric hanging on the wall behind the chairs lining the back of the long table. The fabric had the same design on it as the crest on the gate had.

“What does that symbol mean?” he asked.

The headmaster smiled down at him. “It is the Hogwarts crest, my dear. You see those four little squares? Well, each one represents the different houses in the school. There are four houses in total and each first year student is sorted into one—”

“Who sorts them?” Severus interupted him. Gorgy gave him a disapproving look for interupting him, but Severus ignored him. It had been an important question.

But Dumbledore didn’t seem to mind the interuption. “The Sorting Hat, does, my child. You’ll see. In a few weeks, it’ll be time for you to be sorted as well.”

Severus nodded and went back to staring at the crest. “Which square represents which house? And what are the houses called? And what makes them different? And which one will I be in?”

Gorgy muttered at him not to be rude, but the headmaster merely smiled, not at all upset over the many questions.

“The red with the gold lion represents Gryffindor, the green with the silver serpent represents Slytherin, the blue square with the Raven represents Ravenclaw, and the last square with the badger represents Hufflepuff. All the houses are named after the founders of this school, each of whom had distinctly different personalities and the Sorting Hat uses these personalities to stick everybody into the house which would most suit them. As to what house you’ll be put into, I have a pretty good idea, but we’ll let the Sorting Hat decide.”

Severus nodded, taking this all in. While the headmaster was talking, he had been staring up at the top of the room, which was missing a ceiling. He frowned.

“Doesn’t everyone get wet in this room when it rains?”

Dumbledore frowned for a moment, before he understood the question. “No, my dear. It’s an enchanted ceiling. It simply gives the illusion of being outside. If I wanted it to, it could always show a blue sky with sunlight, even if it’s pouring rain outside.”

Severus frowned up at him. “How did you do it? What’s the incantation? Did you need more than one wizard to do it? How long does the spell last?”

Gorgon wrung his hands and muttered “Grindelwald” at the ceiling with despair. The headmaster would get sick and tired of them in just a few moments and throw them out if his young master didn’t stop the questions.

He tugged on his young master’s robes. Severus glanced down at him. “What?”

“Young master can’t ask this many questions. Headmaster will get angry.” Gorgon muttered at him in elfish.

Severus rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath, but when he glanced at the headmaster, he looked a little more subdued and wary.

But to both his and his young master’s amazement, Dumbledore merely laughed.

“I’m afraid that magic is a bit too advanced for you at this stage, my dear.”

Severus glared at him. Sensing a brewing temper tantrum, Dumbledore quickly turned and swept out of the room.

“Now come along you two. There’s plenty more to show you.”

 

*             *             *

 

An hour later, two pairs of tired feet and one pair of still energetic feet marched down the Entrance hall and came to a pause before a long spiral staircase leading down.

Severus and Gorgon were both exhausted. Neither of them were used to walking this much and climbing this many stairs, but everytime the headmaster suggested leaving the rest for another day, they both put up a chorus of protests and pleaded with him to show them the rest. So Dumbledore had shown them everything.  Well, not everything, but everything important. Every classroom, every washroom, his office, the library, all of his teacher’s offices and the entrances to three out of the four common rooms. The only one they hadn’t seen yet was the Slytherin common room, and Severus suspected that he was about to see it.

The headmaster walked down the spiral stone staircase into a dimly lit corridor. Dim green lights hanging from the ceiling and reflecting off the stone walls were the only source of light.

Severus sighed with relief, and heard Gorgon beside him doing the same. Finally, his stinging eyes and aching head were going to feel some relief. He took a deep breath. Even the air smelt a little musty and damp. It smelt much more familiar than the rest of the immensly clean and pristine school.

The headmaster’s eyes twinkled at both of them. “I thought you two would appreciate the darkness. To the right here, this corridor leads to the Slytherin common room, and to the left is Professor Bodin’s office, his store room and his classroom.”

Severus frowned, searching his memory. “Professor Bodin is the potions master, isn’t he?”

The headmaster nodded. “That and the head of Slytherin house.” As he was talking, the headmaster was walking towards the end of the corridor. Finally, he came to a stop in front of the solid, stone wall.

Severus frowned and exchanged a glance with Gorgon. All the other common rooms had had portraits hiding their entrances, asides from the Ravenclaw common room, which had a statue in front of it. But he didn’t see any portraits or statues here.

“Here we are.” The headmaster said pleasantly and then gave the wall a smile. “Dragon blood.”

Suddenly, the stone wall smoothly slid back and sideways, revealing a large room hidden behind it.

Severus and Gorgon hurried forward, eyes wide. A number of old, elaborately carved wooden chairs sat scattered around the room. At the far end was a large, unlit fireplace. Above the black mantle was a silver serpent, the Slytherin crest.

Two spiral staircases on either side of the room slowly spun upwards. The headmaster spread his arms and gave them a smile.

“Here we are, the Slytherin common room. A bit colder and darker than the others, but I was sure that you’d both find it quite comfortable. Now, the stairs on the right lead up to the boys dormitories and the one on the left to the girls. I believe that the first years will be in room 3. You are welcome to take any bed you choose and make yourself comfortable. Since this is the end of the tour, I’ll let you two relax for a bit. A house elf will pop by shortly to tell you when its dinner time. You two remember where the Great Hall is, don’t you?”

They both nodded. The headmaster gave them another smile and then promptly spun around and marched out of the room. The stone wall had sprung open when he approached and rapidly shut after his retreating back.

Right away, Severus and Gorgon started walking around the room, exploring it. There wasn’t anything really interesting. An old textbook someone had forgotten lay in a corner and an old stuffed rat lay in the fireplace, but asides from that, it was deserted.

Severus glanced at the rotating iron staircase. “Come on, elf. Let’s have a look upstairs.”

Gorgon scampered over to him and they gingerly stepped onto the spinning staircase and clung on while it carried them upstairs. After stumbling off, they stood there, looking down the dark corridor until they spied room number three. Hurrying over, they shoved the door open and walked inside.

Five neat beds lined the room. Each bed had a small nightstand beside it on which a flickering green candle stood.

Severus frowned and bit his lip. Gorgon glanced at him. “Something wrong, young master?”

Severus shifted from one foot to the other. “There are five beds, Gorgon. That means I’ll have to share the room with four others and you won’t be allowed to stay with me.”

Gorgon frowned, thinking this over. “Gorgy could sleep under bed.” He suggested.

Severus frowned and slowly shook his head. “No, they’ll find you. I heard the headmaster saying something about elves having their own beds down in the kitchen.”

Gorgon drew himself up and crossed his arms across his chest. “Gorgy not leaving young master. Not care what headmaster says.”

Severus nodded. “And I’m not sharing a room with four other people.” The thought that he was terrified of falling asleep with strangers in the same room as him went unsaid. Gorgon knew and understood that without Severus having to say it.

Gorgon nodded. “So, what do we do now?”

Severus was glancing around the room. “Well, we nearly have two months until the other students get here, that means we have two months to find some other hidden place where we can both sleep. Somewhere where nobody can find us. Until then, we can stay here.”

Gorgon nodded. “We start looking tomorrow right away.”

 

*             *             *

 

Severus clasped his hands behind his back and clenched them together in an effort to keep them from trembling. He couldn’t remember ever having been this nervous. A house elf had appeared in their room a few moments ago, given them both a low bow and then announced that dinner was ready.

Severus and Gorgon had made their way up from the dungeons and down the long Entrance Hall. At the double doors, Gorgon had sat down and given Severus a smile.

“Gorgy wait right here until young master finished.”

Severus gave him a nod and then slowly walked through the large doors.

Many of the teachers had already sat down at the long table and were laughing and talking amongst themselves or were reading books. The headmaster was sitting in a large throne in the middle of the table, laughing over something an old wizard sitting next to him was saying.

Severus stood in the doorway, not knowing what to do. Thankfully, Dumbledore quickly caught sight of him and motioned him over.

“Ah, Severus there you are, my dear. Come on up here, there’s a seat right beside me here which Professor Sprout has very nicely given up for you. Since you’re the only student staying over the summer, I thought it was unheard of to make you sit all by yourself.”

Severus drew in a shaky breath and slowly walked towards the table. He walked around it and slowly walked towards his seat. All the teachers had stopped talking or reading and were looking at him. Most were smiling at him good naturedly and a few raised their eyebrows, but none were glaring at him. Severus took that as a good sign and slowly crept closer to his chair.

He stood behind it, waiting for permission to sit down. Dumbledore glanced at him and with a wave of his hand, his chair shot backwards.

“Do sit down, my dear. The chair won’t bite you.”

Some of the teachers chuckled. Their laughter grated in his ears and once again, he was reminded of the deranged snickering of the house elves. He clenched his hands into fists, forcing himself not to reach for his wand.

Dumbledore must have seen the anger flickering in his eyes, and he must have remembered what had happened to the laughing Auror back in the manor, for he quickly waved a hand at the laughter and motioned for Severus to have a seat.

While Severus gingerly sat down and stared at the spotless white table cloth and the sparkling gold plates and cutlery, Dumbledore stood up.

“So, since we’re all going to be together for quite some time, I thought we’d do the introductions now. Although not everyone is here, we can still all get to know each other.” He motioned down to the end of the table where a large, friendly looking witch with bright red hair was smiling at him. “This is Poppy, or Madame Pomfrey, our school nurse. Next to her is Professor Sprout, who is our herbology teacher and the head of Hufflepuff house and is the one who surrendered her seat to you.”

Severus politely inclined his head at the two smiling witches, whose eyes were twinkling at him.

“Then there is Professor Bodin, who is our Potions master and the head of Slytherin house.”

The dark haired, young looking professor gave him a half smile and a wink. Severus gave him a nod but couldn’t help staring at him. He had never seen this many people smiling at him before.

He found it highly discomforting. He couldn’t help but feel as if they had some hidden plan behind those smiles and were just being nice until they could turn on him and hurt him in some way. He didn’t trust those smiles. Any of them.

The headmaster was continuing with the introductions. “Right beside me is Professor Kettleburn, who is our Care of Magical Creatures Professor. Skipping over me and you, beside you is Professor McGonagall, our Transfiguration Professor and the head of Gryffindor house..”

Severus turned in his seat and stared at the tall, elegant looking witch beside him. She was staring at him through thick black rimmed glasses and her hair was pulled back in a tight bun. She was the only one who didn’t smile at him, but she didn’t frown either. She merely returned his nod. For some reason, Severus found himself trusting her more than the others. And for some other reason, he found himself trusting the headmaster as well. He thought he was quite strange and probably a bit mad, so the constant smiling and twinkling probably wasn’t a cover for some hidden desire, but was just something a slightly mad nutter would do. So he was alright too.

Severus leaned over slightly to look at the last two people sitting at the table. As soon as he saw them, he shrank back in his seat, terrified.

One of them was a huge man with wild black hair whose hands were nearly as big as Severus’ head. He was giving him a wide smile and waved one of those enormous hands at him. Severus clenched his jaw and gripped his chair, forcing himself not to run away. As long as Professor McGonagall was between him and the giant, he felt slightly safer. As he listened to the introductions, he found that this was the gameskeeper and the school grounds caretaker, Rubeus Hagrid.

The last person was a tall blond woman with huge dark eyes who gave him such a wide smile that he felt like shrinking away from her. Her name was Professor Palani and she was the Divinations Professor. She leaned across the giant and stretched out a long, manicured hand towards him. “How do you do?” she breathed.

Severus stared at her, not touching her hand or answering her.

After a moment, her smile faded slightly and she yanked her hand back.

Severus heard a small cough beside him and glanced at Professor McGonagall. She had hurriedly held a napkin to her mouth to cover a cough which had sounded like a tiny laugh, but there was still a small smile on her face.

Severus turned his attention back to the headmaster.

“I’m afraid that the rest of our staff has gone home to spend time with their families, but they’ll be back in a few weeks. Now, I’d like to introduce Severus Snape. As I’ve already mentioned, he’ll be starting his first year in September and will be staying with us from now until he graduates.”

If anybody was displeased by this, nobody showed it. Everyone simply smiled at him or nodded happily and Professor McGonagall gave him an approving nod.

Seeing that Severus hadn’t run away yet and the rest of his staff were happy with the situation, Dumbledore clapped his hands, and immediately the plates on the table were filled with delicious food. Severus stared at it wide eyed. There was so much of it he couldn’t see how on earth he could eat all of it.

But suddenly, his stomach seized up on him and he was overcome by nausea. The smell of the food had immensely offended his stomach, which had been deprived of food for three days now.

He put his head down and closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths. Suddenly, a small green vial was shoved under his nose. He jerked away from it and nearly fell off his chair.

Madame Pomfrey was standing beside him, holding out the vial.

“The headmaster’s told me you haven’t eaten anything in quite a few days, dearie. If you just start eating right away, your stomach won’t like it a bit. In fact, from the look of it, it isn’t even liking the smell.” She nodded her chin at the vial. “Drink this up. It’ll settle your stomach and let you eat normally.” She said this all in an abrupt, no nonsense manner but she was smiling at him kindly.

Severus stared at her suspiciously, not trusting her. The headmaster glanced at him and swallowed a mouthful of food. “Dear, it’s alright. It’s a simple tonic. Here—” He took the vial and took a tiny sip of it and swallowed.

Severus narrowed his eyes at him, trying to see if he looked like he was going to die any minute. When the headmaster simply stuffed another piece of chicken into his mouth as if nothing was wrong, Severus slowly nodded and gingerly took the small vial from the nurse, who promptly bustled back to her seat.

He carefully sniffed it. Not recognizing any of the smells coming from it, he decided that it couldn’t be anything too toxic, otherwise he would have recognized it. Taking a deep breath, he swallowed it, made a small face and then put the vial down.

Amazingly, his stomach immediately calmed down and his nausea vanished. Suddenly he realized how hungry he was and he grabbed his fork and eagerly dug into his dinner.

Throughout the meal, he discovered that he was very glad to be sitting between the headmaster and Professor McGonagall. Professor McGonagall didn’t speak much at all, except to ask him to pass her something, and the headmaster beside him kept up a steady stream of conversation and laughter with Professor Kettleburn on his other side, so Severus didn’t have to engage in any awkward conversation.

During the entire meal, he discreetly snuck small pieces of food into a hidden pocket in his robes. It was something he had done for years, since his Father had never fed their house elves and they lived off the scraps they found in the kitchen and the dead animals lying around the house. Severus had long ago started hoarding away food for Gorgon.

He had practiced this for so long and had never gotten caught, that he was sure nobody at the staff table noticed.

That’s why it nearly shocked him to death when the headmaster suddenly told Professor Kettleburn to hold on a moment and then turned to Severus, gave him a smile and told him it wasn’t necessary to hoard away food for Gorgon.

Severus stared at him, hands shaking, sure that the headmaster would want to punish him for stealing food. But instead of an angry glare, the headmaster gave him a kind smile and continued eating, his hands not going near his wand.

“Don’t worry about Gorgon, my dear. All the house elves get three hearty meals a day in the kitchen. In fact, if I’m not mistaken, an elf came and brought him down just a few minutes ago, but I believe he’ll be back upstairs by the time you’re finished.”

With that, he promptly turned back to Professor Kettleburn and continued their conversation as if nothing had happened.

Severus continued staring at the headmaster, expecting him to change his mind and turn around and angrily scream at Severus and then pull out his wand for the punishment he knew he deserved, but it didn’t happen.

Slowly, Severus put the food he had hidden back on his plate and finished his dinner, his eyes never leaving the headmaster and his hands quietly trembling.

 

*             *             *

 

Right after dinner, Severus rushed out of the Great Hall and nearly collided with his elf, who had jumped up, already squealing about the wonderful dinner he had had.

Severus barely paid any attention to him as he quickly hurried down to the dungeons and into the Slytherin common room.

Only when the stone wall had slit shut behind him and he had sat down in the furthest chair from the door and pulled his knees up to his chest, did he dare breathe easier.

Gorgon had abruptly stopped talking when he noticed that his young master was obviously troubled and had hurried after him, one hand on his robe and the other on his wand.

Gorgon crouched in front of his young master’s chair and clutched one of the pale hands tightly wrapped around his knees, concern flooding his old eyes.

“Why young master so frightened? What happened? Tell Gorgy quickly so Gorgy can go fix.”

Severus shook his head. “It’s nothing, elf. Don’t worry about it.”

Gorgon shook his head. “No, Gorgy worry. Young master tells Gorgy quickly what wrong. Did headmaster hurt young master?” At the very thought, Gorgon’s eyes darkened and he clutched his crooked wand tighter. “You tell Gorgy quickly if he did and then Gorgy goes and makes him regret. Badly regret.”

Severus frowned at him. “No, elf. He didn’t hurt me.”

Gorgon frowned back at him. “Then what frightened young master?”

Severus bit his lip and leaned his head back, still frowning. “Nothing.”

Gorgon sighed and glanced at the ceiling. “Grindelwald.” He muttered sadly.

“No, I mean it, Gorgon. Nothing happened. That’s what scared me. He caught me hiding food for you.”

Gorgon’s eyes widened and sucked in a sharp breath. “Did he hurt young master badly?”

“No, elf, that’s just it. He didn’t lay a hand or a wand on me at all. He just told me you’d be fed in the kitchen and that I needn’t bother. But he wasn’t angry at all.”

Gorgon stared at him for a long moment before his eyes suddenly filled up with tears. He let out a loud sob and thanked Grindelwald for Dumbledore.

“Such a kind, good man and we allowed to live with him. Oh, we so lucky, young master. Such a good man with good heart.” He wailed, burying his face in his young master’s robes.

Severus sighed, slightly annoyed and slightly confused. Why was his elf so thrilled with the headmaster when he had simply confused Severus?

When his elf didn’t stop wailing, Severus rolled his eyes and shook his shoulder. “Would you come back to your senses elf and stop this wailing? Why are you carrying on like this anyway? I don’t understand the man either, but that’s no reason to start crying like a ridiculous child.”

Gorgon lifted his head and sniffed. Giving his wand a shake, a small handkerchief popped out of the end of it and the elf loudly blew his nose and wiped his face with it before he gave his young master a watery smile.

“Oh, young master not understand yet, but will. Headmaster didn’t hurt young master because he has good heart and is kind, good person and would never hurt someone.”

“I thought it was just because he intended to punish me privately like I should be.”

Gorgon shook his head. “No, no. Headmaster is kind, good man and doesn’t hurt young master because he thinks it isn’t right.”

Severus frowned, still confused. “But it is his right. I broke the rules and he had every right to punish me.”

“Which makes him so much more good person because he didn’t punish young master, even though he could have and some might say should have. But he kind, good person and will never hurt young master, Gorgy is sure. Oh, how lucky young master and Gorgy are!” And with that, the elf started sobbing once again and buried his face in his young master’s robes.

Severus absentmindly pet his sobbing, wailing elf on the back while he leaned back, carefully thinking over what Gorgon had said.

After he thought it over for a while, he shook his head and decided to forget about it. All he knew was that he should have been punished, but he hadn’t been. That meant he simply had to be careful around the headmaster and when the punishment came—which Severus was sure it would—then he would just have to bear it like he always did. Besides, Gorgon was here to heal his wounds and comfort him, so really, it wouldn’t be any worse than usual.

Sighing, Severus pushed himself out of his chair and hauled Gorgon with him. Half dragging and half carrying the sobbing elf, he headed towards the stairs. “Come on, elf. Let’s go read.”

 

*             *             *

 

Severus was just about to hand the large book back to Gorgon, when they heard a quiet knock on the door. They both froze and immediately stared at each other with wide eyes. Shoving the book off his lap, Severus leapt up and yanked his wand out of his robe and pointed it at the door. Beside him, Gorgon had leapt up as well, his crooked wand clutched in his hand.

Standing there, Severus felt a small shiver of fear creep up his back. He knew as well as Gorgon did who would be on the other side of that door. And Severus knew what he would want. For a moment, dark hatred flooded him and his eyes narrowed. For a few hours that day, he had actually allowed himself to believe that the headmaster was different from his Father. But now he realized what a fool he’d been. Nobody was different from his Father. Everybody played by the same rules. Whenever he was given something, he had to repay the giver the only worthwhile way he knew how. He wasn’t much use for anything else, according to his Father.

Severus sighed and clenched his jaw. Forcing these thoughts out of his head, he lifted his chin and stared at the door. If he was going to be a whore, he might as well not be a whiny, pathetic one. After all, he had some standing where that was concerned. He had been pleasing his Father for years and knew exactly what to do. This couldn’t be so different.

He glanced at Gorgon, who was glaring suspiciously at the door. Immediately, the elf hauled the door open and stuck his wand out and in a snarl, demanded to know who was there.

“Well, good evening to you too, Gorgon, my dear. Well, what a reception. I was expecting smiles or frowns, but not wands and scowls. Oh, well.” Dumbledore chuckled good naturedly.

Immediately, Gorgon’s eyes widened and he dropped his wand and hurriedly stuffed it back into his pillow case. “Gorgy so sorry, headmaster. Not used to night time visitors.” Gorgon shot the headmaster a wide grin as he bowed to cover the lie.

Severus scowled from the shadows, watching them both smiling at each other. He tightened his grip on his wand, but then quickly realized that the headmaster was a much more powerful wizard than he was. Severus bit his lip, quickly thinking it over. Maybe the headmaster would be nicer to him if he didn’t try to fight. Moving his hand as discreetly as possible, he stuffed his wand back into his robe and stepped into the dim glow of the candle flickering on the bedside table.

The headmaster gave him a wide smile. “Ah, there’s the person I wanted to see.”

Severus stared at him, not answering. The headmaster frowned slightly at his blank look, but then glanced down at Gorgon. “Might I have a minute alone with Severus? I just need to speak to him for a minute.”

Gorgon nodded and gave him another low bow. “Of course, headmaster.” Then the elf quickly shuffled out of the room and shut the door, throwing a grin over his shoulder at his young master.

Severus knew that Gorgon was just trying to cheer him up. He remembered the countless times the elf had quickly apparated out of the room when his Father stormed in and the last, faint smile the old elf had thrown him before disappearing.

Severus straightened up. Well, he was on his own now. What amazed him was that he wasn’t frightened. Unless the headmaster had a crueler taste for violence than his Father, nothing would happen to him that he hadn’t already lived through. All he felt was weariness and an immense sadness. He had always hoped that if he ever left the manor or if his Father ever died, he would amount to more than a worthless whore only existing to please those around him for putting up with him. He felt that familiar lump rising in his throat and quickly swallowed it.

Dumbledore gave him a kind smile as he stepped closer. Severus wanted to tell him that it didn’t matter whether he smiled at him or not and that he didn’t need to waste his energy pretending to be nice and care about him.

Severus waited patiently for the headmaster to order him onto the bed or take out his wand and punish him in some other manner, but instead, the old wizard was slowly frowning around the room.

“Well, it’s slightly colder than I remember it being, but that must be my age. You know, I’ve always liked these dormitories the best out of all four. The intricate carvings on the bed posts simply enthrall me.”

Severus refused to look at the bed posts, knowing sooner or later, he would be tied to them. He made a mental note to ask the headmaster not to tie him down. There was no need to. He wouldn’t ever run and he knew what was expected of him.

The headmaster tore his eyes off the wooden posts and then smiled down at the small child standing half cloaked in darkness, his empty, dark eyes never leaving him. Looking at his blank face, Dumbledore couldn’t even begin to guess what was wrong, but from the slumped shoulders and the tight clench of his jaw, Dumbledore knew the child was waiting for something, but the old headmaster didn’t have a single idea about what it could be. He frowned slightly. Severus hadn’t exactly been talkative at dinner—he didn’t seem to be the talkative type any time of day actually—but he hadn’t been this withdrawn and afraid. Dumbledore forced himself to look away from the silent child and instead, caught sight of a book lying on the floor.

He glanced at Severus. “Why were you on the floor, my dear?” he asked, mildly curious. In his experience, it had always been more comfortable reading on the bed.

Severus stared at him with those eerie dark eyes and his jaw tightened a little more.

“I apologize. Please forgive me, headmaster, but if you wanted me to please you on the bed, you should have let me know.”

Dumbledore frowned, not quite understanding why Severus thought this was such a big deal. He tried to brush it off. “Oh, it doesn’t please me in any way, my dear, I simply find it more comfortable on the bed.”

Severus sighed very softly and his shoulders slumped a little more. “It doesn’t make a difference whether I’m on the bed or the floor, headmaster but I’m more used to the bed. I can please you for longer on the bed. It doesn’t make me as sore.”

Dumbledore’s frown deepened. There was definitely something wrong here. Something very wrong. Severus wasn’t simply talking about reading on the bed. There was something else going on here. He quickly ran Severus’ last few sentences over in his mind, and suddenly, a sick feeling of horror crept over him as he realized what the young child was talking about.

He carefully kept his face blank as he clasped his hand behind his back, careful not to make any sudden motions.

“How are you thinking of pleasing me, Severus?” he asked quietly.

Severus briefly closed his eyes and his humiliated gaze dropped to the floor. Dumbledore could see shame burning in those dark eyes.

“Sexually, sir. It’s the only way I can please you and repay you for your kindness and help. You didn’t have to help Gorgon and me and you didn’t have to be so nice at dinner, but you did, and I know I’m not worthy of that help so this is the only way I can repay you and prove that I’m worthy of your help.” He whispered in a barely audible voice.

Dumbledore’s heart twisted and that sick, revolting feeling rose within him as he listened to the barely coherent sentences of twisted logic coming from the ten year old child. From the monotone, quiet way the words had come from him, it seemed that this was a speech he had heard many times.

The headmaster crouched down very slowly until he could meet the dark eyes burning with shame and hateful submission. “Who told you this, my dear?” he asked, keeping his voice quiet and gentle.

Severus quickly moved his eyes to a further spot on the floor, avoiding the headmaster’s steady gaze. “My Father.” He whispered.

Dumbledore quietly nodded, having known the answer long before Severus had answered.

“He made you please him as a way of making yourself worthy in his eyes.”

Severus nodded. “If I didn’t, I was just as stupid and worthless as the muggles and mudbloods he kept in the dungeon. They had to earn their worth too, but I made sure I was always better then them so I was worth more than them.” There was something that sounded vaguely like stubborn pride in the child’s voice.

Dumbledore felt sick. To sexually abuse and rape a child was horrific enough, but to twist the situation around until the child felt it his responsibility to enjoy that abuse and pain and turn it into something he was proud of, was something so sick and twisted that Dumbledore hardly believed it was possible.

Gently clearing his throat and swallowing the lump which had formed in his throat, the headmaster leaned a little closer to the quiet boy.

“How long has this been going on for, Severus?”

“Since I was seven.”

A sudden surge of hot anger flared up within him and Dumbledore had to clench his jaw to keep it inside. It wasn’t often that he lost his temper and wished ill on someone, but now he found himself truly regretting that Herania had finished that mad bastard off herself.

Severus was busy staring at the floor. He risked a glance at the headmaster, who was also staring at the floor, his expression unreadable. Severus thought that maybe the headmaster hadn’t liked his explanation and that he needed to have the lesson retaught.

Quickly, he thought about how he could redeem himself. “I didn’t understand what Father meant at first about how I can prove myself worthy of someone’s help by pleasing them, but now I do. Really. I do understand.”

Dumbledore clenched his jaw harder at the desperation in the child’s voice. Reaching beside him and grabbing onto the bed post—which had suddenly lost their beauty—and slowly lowered himself onto the bed.

Clearing his throat and forcing his tears back, he gently patted the space beside him.

“Come sit down, my dear.” He said quietly.

Severus frowned, not having expected this order. He stared at the headmaster, confused.

“Uhm, it usually works better if I lie down, sir.” He said carefully, not wanting to upset him.

A look that resembled pain flickered across the headmaster’s face. “I’m not going to lay a hand on you, child, I promise you that.”

Severus frowned, suddenly afraid. If the headmaster didn’t want to be pleased by him, it meant that he would be punished and he had learnt that pleasing was less painful than punishment. Not a lot less painful, but every little bit helped.

“Please, headmaster, let me prove myself to you. I know how to please, really, I do.”

The headmaster clutched the bedcovers with shaking hands at the desperation and fear in Severus’ voice.

“Severus, there is something we must make clear, right now. It might seem strange to you at first and it will probably go against everything your Father ever said, but I still want you to listen very carefully. Can you do that for me?”

Severus frowned and slowly nodded. When the headmaster gestured for him to sit down, he slowly crept over and perched on the edge of the bed, his eyes never leaving the headmaster’s hands.

“First of all, I want you to know and understand that sex and sexual favors aren’t an acceptable form of payment for anything—kindness, understanding, chocolate, anything—and they also aren’t acceptable ways for judging people’s worth. There are many ways of judging people’s worth ranging from the way they treat people to the way they handle certain situations and their abilities, but a prostitute’s sexual performance isn’t one of them.”

He saw Severus flinch slightly at the word and he quickly continued.

“Second of all, I want you to understand that you’re not a prostitute, Severus. You’re a victim of a horrible crime which nobody—least of all a young child—should have to suffer through. What your Father did wasn’t a right he or anybody else has. It was rape and it was a crime, each and every time he did it. He abused his position of authority in the most terrible way possible and he wasn’t allowed to do that. Yes, he made up excuses for it and forced them into your head until you felt what he was doing was right, but that doesn’t change the fact that he wasn’t allowed to do that. Nobody has the right to do that. Nobody has the right to lay a hand on you if you don’t want them to. I know it’s difficult for you to believe me, Severus, but I want you to try. You’re not a worthless prostutitute who exists to please others. You’re a young child who has suffered through years of horrific sexual and physical abuse. You didn’t deserve a single minute of it, child. Not a single second of it. And if your mother hadn’t taken care of that bastard, then I swear to you, I would march over to the manor right now and take care of him.”

Severus was quietly staring at the bed cover. He bit his lip and then glanced at the headmaster.

“Can I tell you something, sir?”

The headmaster nodded. “Always, child, always.”

Severus licked his lips nervously and fiddled around with the edge of the blanket. “I always knew there was something wrong with what was happening. The other elves, they were always so proud to be pleasing Father and all I ever felt was shame. I felt filthy and didn’t want anybody to touch me.”

The headmaster gently reached out and lifted up Severus’ chin until he was looking into those dark, shamefilled eyes. “You’re not filthy, Severus. You’re hurt and have suffered through a lot, but the only filthy one around here is your father and he’s gone forever. He can’t hurt you ever again. And I promise you that nobody here will ever hurt you like that again. You’re safe here, Severus. I promise you that.”

Severus stared at him and suddenly, he felt tears brimming his eyes. He tried to force them back, but then the headmaster smiled kindly at him and Severus saw tears shimmering in his eyes too.

Dumbledore opened his arms and gently pulled him towards him. For a moment, Severus felt panicked, but when he realized the headmaster meant him no harm, he relaxed. The warmth and kindness and safety he felt in the headmaster’s arms was something he had never felt before.

With a sob, he let his tears flow down his face and he clutched the headmaster’s robes and buried his face in them.

Dumbledore gently held him in his arms and stroked the raven black hair and quietly rocked them back and forth as tears quietly fell down his own face.

After what seemed like hours, Severus turned his head and sniffed and wiped a strand of hair off his cheek. The headmaster didn’t let go of him and Severus felt immensly relieved not to lose this warm and safe haven.

“May I ask a question, headmaster?”

“Of course.”

“Is that why children come to this school? So their parents won’t hurt them anymore?”

“Very few parents hurt their children, Severus. They love their children and would do anything for them.”

Severus frowned. “But how do these children repay their parents?”

“Simply by being happy. That’s enough for them.”

Severus thought this over. Then he frowned again. “Is that enough for you, headmaster?” he asked, slightly shyer than before.

Dumbledore smiled through his tears. “More than enough, my child. More than enough.” He said quietly before resuming his quiet rocking.

Severus nodded and then relaxed in his safe haven. He still didn’t completely trust the headmaster, but he had never felt this safe and protected in his life so he put aside his mistrust and snuggled into the colorful robes, forgetting all about a dark manor and a tall man with a twisted smile and glowing green eyes. Right then, he was only aware of the old, kind man who was holding him and gently humming to him just like Gorgon usually did.

 

**July 22nd, 1971**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus woke with a gasp and nearly leaped off the floor when he heard a small pop right beside him. Without being completely aware of it, he had scrambled off the floor and yanked out his wand. For a moment, he was confused as to why he was on the floor when he had fallen asleep in the headmaster’s arms, but then he remembered that he had woken up in the middle of the night in a panic and had crawled onto the floor with Gorgon.

It was only after blinking a few times and letting his mind catch up with his reflexes that he noticed he was pointing his wand at a tiny house elf.

The elf was staring at him with wide eyes, colorful ribbons tied in her ears.

“Oh, Gabby so sorry startled young master Severus. Must apologize.” She gave him a low bow and then straightened up, grinning at him so widely that Severus nearly had to shield his eyes from it.

He frowned at her and crossed his arms. “What do you want?” While she shot him another wide grin and clapped her hands—obviously very excited about delivering a message to him—Severus shuffled sideways and nudged Gorgon’s snoring form awake with his toe.

The old elf stirred and yawned widely before rubbing his eyes and blinking a few times. As soon as he noticed his young master standing over him with his arms crossed and his wand clutched in his hand, he quickly scrambled up and turned to face whatever was threatening his master. Screwing his face up into a menacing scowl and yanking his wand out, he pointed it at the small being standing in front of him.

It took the old elf a few moments to realize that he too was pointing his wand at a young, tiny, grinning elf, who didn’t seem at all bothered by the fact that two people were glaring and pointing dark wands at her.

Instead, she clapped her hands again and batted her eyelashes at Gorgon and swivelled her hips seductively.

Gorgon’s frown quickly evaporated and he leered back at her, quickly sticking his wand back into his pillow case.

Severus glared back and forth between them before he finally narrowed his eyes at Gabby.

“Well, out with it. What do you want elf?”

She gave Gorgon a wink and then turned to Severus. Shooting him an enormously wide grin, she took a deep breath.

“Headmaster sent Gabby down to dungeons to tell master Severus and Gorgy—” she quickly gave Gorgon another wink and batted her eyelashes. Gorgon gave her another leering grin. “—that headmaster wants to see both right away, before breakfast. So of course, Gabby quickly apparates up from kitchen and into dungeons and wakes up master Severus and Gorgy.” She swivelled her hips at Gorgon again and gave him another wink.

Severus rolled his eyes at both of them. “Gorgon, you will seize behaving like a filthy slut immediately, and you, elf will get back to the kitchen at once.”

She nodded and grinned at him. “Gabby going now, but Gabby be back soon with more messages. She so excited to see master Severus and Gorgy again, she can’t wait for headmaster to give her more messages. Oh, so excited.” She squealed and hopped from one foot onto the other before clapping her hands again and quickly disappearing with a small pop and a pink flash.

Severus rolled his eyes at the empty spot the small elf had occupied moments ago and slowly stuck his wand back into his pocket.

Gorgon had wiped the leering grin off his face and glanced at his young master. “So, we go see headmaster now?”

Severus nodded and slowly stretched, grimacing as he yanked small kinks out of his back. Yawning, he turned around and walked towards the door with Gorgon quickly scampering out the door after him.

 

*             *             *

 

After telling the password to the stone gargoyle and watching it shift aside, they stepped onto the moving staircase and slowly travelled up towards the headmaster’s office.

Reaching the landing, they stumbled off—still not used to moving staircases—and went up to the door, both of them politely knocking.

Immediately, the door opened and they stepped into the cluttered room.

Severus frowned around the room, blinking from the unaccustomed brightness and ignoring the portraits of quietly talking former headmistresses and headmasters and the many artifacts lying around the room.

“He isn’t here, Gorgon. Are you certain Gabby said to meet him before breakfast and not after?”

Gorgon frowned and bent over to check under the desk, as if the headmaster would be hiding beneath it for some reason. “Yes, Gorgy sure Gabby said before breakfast. We must wait.”

With that, he hurried over to the very same chair he had sat in a few weeks ago and climbed up and promptly relaxed with a loud sigh.

Severus was slowly walking around the office, looking everything over. He ignored the pointing and the smiles of the people in the portraits, except for shooting one of them a glare when she tried to say something to him.

At the far of the room the entire wall was covered in bookshelves and hundreds of old, frayed books lined them. Severus was immediately drawn to them and was about to reach out and pull one of them out, when his elf hissed at him in Elfish not to be rude and not touch them without asking. Severus rolled his eyes when he heard. His elf had always insisted on reprimanding him in Elfish when there were other people around so they wouldn’t immediately become aware of Severus having done something rude or inappropriate. Well, from the strange looks the people in the portraits were throwing them, he guessed that not too many people in the castle could speak and understand Elfish. He couldn’t remember which language he had been able to speak fluently first—English or Elfish. He was fluent in both languages, but he and Gorgon hadn’t had a lot of opportunities to speak Elfish in the manor. His Father had always resented the language, calling it dirty and inappropriate for any pure-blood wizard or witch to ever use. Severus wondered if the headmaster would mind them speaking Elfish. Severus had always liked conversing with elves in Elfish better than English. Most of them had never gotten a complete grasp of English and their sentences were a jumbled mess of words which hardly fit together grammatically and were barely coherent. But their Elfish was always perfect. Besides, he’d always—privately—thought it was really cool to be able to speak a language hardly any wizard understood.

Throwing Gorgon a withering glare, Severus stepped away from them and continued looking around. Various other shelves around the room were filled with a wide assortment of pictures, colorful stones or shells and some weird things which Severus could only guess the uses of.

Right in front of the two chairs Gorgon was sitting in was a large, wooden desk whose surface was absolutely covered in stacks of parchment, books, quills, ink bottles and candy wrappers. Severus rolled his eyes at the inefficient clutter, wondering how on earth the headmaster ever got any work done and then continued looking around.

Far in the corner by the window sat an elegant golden cage, in which a beautiful red and gold bird sat. Severus frowed at it. He had never seen such a bird before. It’s colors reminded him of the Gryffindor house colors. If this was the headmasters bird, he must have been a Gryffindor himself. Glancing down at a beautifully woven red and gold rug at his feet, he was sure he had guessed correctly.

Going back to staring at the bird, he frowned as he wondered what kind of a bird it was. The only birds he had ever seen were some black ravens which had flown screeching past the manor on that one day when he and Gorgon had snuck outside to see the thestrals.

The bird was quietly sleeping on its perch, its golden talons digging into the slender wood and its golden feathered belly slowly rising and falling as it slept, not tottering at all on the slim perch. It’s back and long tail were covered in shining red feathers which seemed to glitter in the light. The feathers on top of the birds head were gold and stuck straight up into the air, giving the beautiful creature a slightly comical look. Oh, well, Severus thought. It’s owner was a bit mad too, so of course his bird would be as well.

Severus took a few steps closer to the glittering gold cage and frowned at the sleeping bird. He carefully kept his hands behind his back, knowing that Gorgon would reprimand him if he touched the cage. He stared at the bird.

“What kind of a bird are you?” he asked softly.

Slowly, the bird’s large black eyes opened and stared at him. He opened his golden beak as if yawning slightly and gently ruffled its feathers.

Suddenly, a voice erupted inside Severus’ head. “ _I am a phoenix, Severus_.”

Giving out a startled cry, Severus took a step back, stumbled and tripped over the edge of the rug and fell to the floor. Gasping for breath and staring at the bird, his face pale and trembling, he scrambled backwards across the rug.

Gorgon had leapt out of his chair and run over to him, his wand already pulled out. “What wrong? Young master hurt? Tell Gorgy, quickly!”

Severus pointed a shaking finger at the bird, which was quietly staring at him patiently, ruffling its feathers slightly. He had been about to blurt out what had happened in English, but then realized he didn’t want the people in the portraits thinking he was crazy, so he quickly switched to Elfish. “The bird—it—it spoke to me. In my head, Gorgon! How can a bird speak in my head?” he cried, staring at his elf with wide eyes.

Gorgon stared at him as if he had gone mad. “Bird spoke to young master? But Gorgy not heard anything and Gorgy sitting right there.”

Severus wildly shook his head. “No, you stupid creature! It spoke in my head! That’s why only I heard it!”

Gorgon blinked at him. Right away, he believed what his young master was saying, but didn’t understand it. “Bird spoke in young master’s head? Why would bird speak inside head?”

Severus glared at him. “How the bloody hell should I know? Why don’t you ask it?”

Gorgon slowly straightened up and walked towards the cage, carefully keeping his body between the patiently staring bird and the shaking form of his pale young master.

“If Gorgy could beg bird’s pardon, Gorgy needs to ask question.” Gorgon bowed to it. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to bow to a bird or not, but if it could communicate telepathically with his young master, then he supposed he better show it some respect. The bird tilted its head slightly, seeming to be waiting for the question. “Uhm, why did bird speak inside young masters head? A bit confusing, you understand. Scared young master a little bit.”

Gorgon stood there, staring at the bird, who just calmly stared back at him, not answering. Gorgon tried giving it his most seductive leering grin, but it simply blinked at him and remained silent.

The elf sighed and threw his hands up as he turned back to his young master, who was scrambling up from the floor and yanking his robes straight.

“Gorgy not hear anything, young master. Outside head or inside.”

Severus scowled and glared at the bird. “But I didn’t imagine it. It spoke inside my head.”

Gorgon nodded. “I know, young master, but Gorgy simply saying he can’t can’t hear bird, even if young master can.”

Severus bit his lip as he stared at his elf and then narrowed his eyes at the bird.

“Stupid git.” He said. “Nearly scared me to death.”

Once again, that calm voice erupted in his head. “ _I am terribly sorry for frightening you, Severus. I had no intention of doing so. You simply asked me a question and I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to get aquainted_.”

Severus clenched his jaw, still terrified over hearing a voice inside his head. “Well next time you could give me a little warning.”

“ _I do apologize_.”

Gorgon was staring at his young master with wide eyes, not used to the ten year old talking to a creature who for all the world simply seemed to be sitting there, staring at him. For a  very frightening moment, Gorgon thought that his young master was imagining things and had finally gone as mad as his Father had been. He secretly wished for the headmaster to get here and explain what was going on.

Severus gave the bird another dirty look and then resumed walking around the room. In another corner stood a tall stool on which an old frayed hat stood. Severus raised an eyebrow.

“Why hasn’t anybody thrown this old thing out yet?” He had directed the question at the bird, but still wasn’t sure if he would be answered so he kept his eyes carefully trained on the old black hat.

A chuckle erupted in his head. Severus frowned. Were birds supposed to chuckle?

“ _That, is the Sorting Hat. It is hundreds of years old and has been passed down through the long generations of Hogwarts headmistresses and headmasters_.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “So this is the hat which decides which house to put each student into.”

“ _Yes. On the first day of every school year, each first year puts the Sorting Hat on his or her head and the Hat decides which house would most suit the student_.”

Severus glanced at the bird, which was looking at him with what looked like a twinkle in his eyes. The bird sounded quite snobby from the way it spoke, but then again, Severus had never spoken to birds before, so maybe all birds spoke like this.

He glanced at Gorgon, who was staring back and forth between him and the bird.

“The bird says that this is the hat that decides what house students will be put into.”

Gorgon leaned forward and gazed curiously at the hat. “Little old, no?”

“That’s what I thought, but from the way the bird carried on about it, it’s like a sacred relic or something.”

Severus turned back to the hat and gently ran a finger along its frayed brim. The hat was covered in holes and frayed threads poked out of it everywhere, but apparently it had quite a bit of magic in it. Severus found himself slightly respecting it.

Suddenly, he got an idea. The bird had said that all students were sorted on their first day, depending on their personalities. But he saw no reason to wait until the first day of school.

Ignoring Gorgon’s anxious hissing, he picked it up and put it onto his head.

Immediately, another voice erupted into his head. This time, the voice was lower and sounded quite old.

“ _Hmm, isn’t this a bit too early for a sorting_?”

Severus rolled his eyes, wishing that voices in his head could see his facial expression as well.

“I know I’m a bit early but that is none of your business. It’s simply your business to tell me what house to put me in.”

“ _Well, well, well. You’re just as I expected, Severus Snape. I, for one, can’t understand why the phoenix decided you were worth it_.”

Severus frowned and was about to ask it what it had meant by that, but the hat was already muttering on.

“ _Alright, let me see. Quite a bit of courage here and a good heart underneath quite a bit of pain and darkness. I would say Gryffindor, but you don’t quite strike me as the type. Well, I see a brilliant mind here too. You’re really going to be a brainy one, you know. Should we make it Ravenclaw then? No, no. That wouldn’t quite fit either. No. The darkness will always cloud the courage and the intelligence. That leaves me with only one choice. Slytherin_!”

The last word was screamed out of the hat and echoed around the office so suddenly that Gorgon leapt out of his chair with a screech and the bird nearly fell off its perch.

Satisfied, Severus pried the hat off and gently put it back on the perch.

He glanced at Gorgon. “Well, lucky the headmaster put us into the Slytherin common room already. It means we won’t have to move.”

Gorgon briefly narrowed his eyes at this as if he was thinking something over, but then shook his head and gestured for his young master to come and sit down.

“Young master must come and sit down and wait for headmaster. If headmaster only knew you talk with his bird and you put on his hat, then—Grindelwald!—he throw us both out right away.”

Rolling his eyes, Severus sighed and walked over and sat down in the chair beside his elf.

While they sat there, impatiently staring around, Gorgon hummed an old elf song to himself and Severus kept on staring at the bird.

When the bird caught his staring, it tilted his head at him.

“ _So are you satisfied with the Sorting Hat’s choice_?”

Severus shrugged. “I don’t know anything about Slytherin except that the hat said I landed in it because of my darkness, whatever that meant. It thought about putting me into Ravenclaw.”

The bird twittered. Were birds supposed to twitter?

“ _Well, I can certainly see where the potential to put you into Ravenclaw came from, but I can understand its decision. Slytherin would make you the most comfortable, I am sure_.”

Gorgon was staring back and forth between them again, frowning. He wasn’t sure he liked this idea of a strange bird speaking in his young master’s mind. But before he had a chance to threaten the bird to stay out of his young master’s head, the office door was suddenly flung open and the headmaster strode in.

“Ah, I see you both got Gabby’s message. I’m sorry for the delay and I sincerely apologize for having to see you before breakfast, but I have very important business to attend to later on in the day so I felt we must get this over with quickly.”

He sat down behind his desk, his bright green robes swirling around him and his blue eyes twinkling at them.

“First of all, how was your first night? Did you sleep well?”

They both nodded. “Yes, we did headmaster. And before I forget, we won’t be needing to move into another common room. The hat has decided to put me into Slytherin.”

The headmaster raised an eyebrow and frowned slightly. “I beg your pardon, my dear? Hat?”

Severus nodded his chin at the Sorting Hat sitting on its stool. “The Sorting Hat, headmaster. I wanted to get the sorting over with early so I put it on. It considered putting me into Ravenclaw but then settled on Slytherin.”

If the headmaster was at all angry over Severus touching the hat, he didn’t show a bit of it.

“Well, I see my old fabric friend here got it right once more. I can certainly see where the potential to put you into Ravenclaw was but I think you’ll be more comfortable in Slytherin.”

Severus nodded, still slightly nervous over having made the headmaster angry. He casually kept his hand close to where his wand was hidden and clutched the arm rest with the other, ready to run if the headmaster started yelling or pulled out his wand.

“Yes, headmaster. Your bird said the same thing.” He jerked his chin over to the bird, who was staring at the three of them with calm, dark eyes.

At this, the headmaster’s eyebrows flew even higher. Gorgon stared at him wide eyed, afraid that the headmaster would declare that his young master was mad and that he was throwing them both out of the castle.

A frown appeared on the headmasters face and he leaned closer. “My phoenix spoke to you, my dear? How?”

Severus frowned, not understand why he appeared so confused. “In my head. I asked it what kind of bird it was and it responded in my head. Then it told me what the Sorting Hat did and then it told me what you just said about Ravenclaw. Why? Doesn’t it speak to you? I know Gorgon tried to speak with it, but he couldn’t hear it.”

Dumbledore continued staring at him, appearing to be thinking over something. Without answering Severus’ question, he turned and glanced at the phoenix, who calmly shifted on his perch and stared back at him.

The headmaster carefully looked at his phoenix. “ _You made a bond with the boy_?” He sent the question telepathically, wanting to privately discuss the situation with his phoenix before discussing it with Severus.

“ _Yes, Albus. I have thought this over very carefully_.”

“ _You are only capable of two bonds, old friend. One is with me_.”

“ _Yes, and I have used the other one for Severus_.”

Dumbledore carefully hid a small smile. “ _You sense the same thing in him that I did, don’t you? I figured you would pick up on it quickly_.”

“ _Of course I sensed it, Albus. He’s a brilliant child. Hurt and scared and confused, but brilliant with a good heart. He might get lost in the darkness he’s in now, but I believe that you and I can help him out of it. That’s why I felt it was essential to use my last bond with him_.”

Dumbledore nodded slightly, not enough to appear suspicious to the two people sitting across from him, to whom he merely appeared to be lost in thought.

“ _If you’re sure_.”

“ _Of course I am. Now, do say something to them. They’ll both think you’ve lost your mind, staring at the wall the way you’re doing_.”

Dumbledore again hid a smile and then stared intently at Severus. The ten year old quickly lowered his gaze until he was staring at the carpet. Dumbledore could see how tightly he was clutching his armrest and how both his and Gorgon’s hands remained close to their wands. Severus was still wary and frightened of him and Gorgon was still ready to protect him no matter the cost. Dumbledore carefully leaned forward, trying his best not to look intimidating or make any sudden movements.

“To answer your previous question, my dear, yes, the phoenix speaks to me. By the way, the phoenix’s name is Fawkes and he is simply delighted to make your acquaintance.”

Severus was staring at him. “I’m sure he is, but asides from that, why can he speak in my head and not Gorgon’s?”

The headmaster smiled. “It has nothing to do with Gorgon’s magical abilities. An elf’s magical powers in some ways exceed those of a normal wizard. No, this simply has to do with the fact that all phoenix’s are capable of making telephathic bonds with any two people they choose. Those two people can not only receive thoughts from Fawkes, but they can also transmit their own thoughts back to him.”

Severus frowned. “You mean I can just think thoughts at him and he’d hear them?”

Dumbledore smiled. “Well it’s not quite that simple, and it requires years of practice. I suggest you speak to him outloud for the time being, but when it’s time I’ll be happy to teach you how its done. You’ll discover it’s remarkably entertaining when you’re sitting in a boring meeting or party. To all the world, you seem to be sitting there, quietly staring at the wall or carefully paying attention to whoever is speaking, but really, you’re sharing Bertie Bott’s Beans flavor preferences with him.”

Severus and Gorgon both frowned at him. “Bertie what?” They asked in unison.

Dumbledore’s eyebrows rose. “You two mean to tell me you’ve never had any of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans? What about other candy? Chocolate?”

Both of them warily shook their heads, still staring at him apprehensively.

“Well, in that case, we’ll have to start introductions right away.” With a quick wave of his wand, he conjured up a plateful of chocolate frogs. The plate lifted up and floated over to the two frowning people.

They exchanged wary glances before looking at the headmaster, who smiled at them. “Go on, take a handful each. You’ll have some for the rest of the day and have wonderful opportunities to wreak your appetites for lunch and dinner.”

Reaching out cautious hands, they each took a small handful, Gorgon quietly muttering in Elfish for his young master not to take too many. Instead of eating any of them, they both hid the golden foil covered chocolates in their pockets.

Giving them both reassuring smiles, Dumbledore unwrapped a chocolate frog for himself and promptly popped the chocolate into his mouth, while he held up the small trading card which had fallen out of the wrapper.

“Collectible wizard trading cards. You can find one in each chocolate frog.” Suddenly, he leaned forward and frowned, still chewing. “If you happen to find a Merlin one, I would be absolutely thrilled if you’d be willing to trade it for someone else. I have about 700 different ones, but I’m afraid Fawkes here chewed my last Merlin one to bits a few months ago and I haven’t been able to find another one.”

He looked back and forth between the silent, slightly wary faces and gave them kind smiles, before clearing his throat. Clearly, these two weren’t used to the simple things in life.

“Well, I see we’re all in immensely cheery moods today, so we’ll get right on with it. I wanted to speak with you both about your wands.”

Instantly, both of their eyes flashed, they straightened up and their hands shot to the hidden pockets in which they both kept their wands.

Dumbledore held up a soothing hand.

“I’m not going to take them away from you, but I won’t deny that there are many people in this school and in the ministry who want to take those wands from you.”

“But they’re our wands.” Severus interrupted, frowning darkly.

Dumbledore gave him a small smile. “Nobody is disputing that, however, there are some small things which need to be discussed. One of them is the very strict, old and somewhat prejudiced law which prohibits any elf from owning a wand. Technically this is simply because an elf doesn’t need a wand to perform his or her magic and if they did have a wand, it would greatly enhance their magical abilities, which is something that is generally frowned upon.”

Severus was darkly glaring at him while Gorgon appeared to be deciding whether to try and apparate out of the room and make a run for it or not.

“My elf has had that wand since I was two years old—”

“And Gorgy only uses it for healing spells.” Gorgon loudly put in, giving the headmaster a leering smile to cover the lie.

Severus frowned at him. “No, you don’t, Gorgon. Yes, he mostly uses it for healing spells, but he uses it to do the spells that he can’t do.”

Dumbledore nodded, hiding his amusement at Severus having so quickly shot down his own elf’s lie and refusing to lie to him. It was a quality Severus would never lose.

Then the headmaster quickly frowned and came back to the issue at hand.

“What kind of magic has Gorgon needed to do that he couldn’t do without a wand? Asides from healing spells of course.”

Gorgon’s eyes widened and he covered his face with his hands, convinced that once his young master answered the question, the headmaster would throw them out.

Severus stared at him as if that was the dumbest question on earth. “All sorts of things. He can conjure up things and summon and banish things and open doors and such things, but he can’t torture muggles or mudbloods or kill rude elves or practice curses or anything else useful without a wand.”

Dumbledore stared at him while Gorgon cursed softly and tried to hide his head under his pillow case.

“Those things are useful?”

Severus frowned at him, not understanding why the headmaster was having such a difficult time with this concept. “Of course they are. How else am I supposed to learn how to torture and kill people if Gorgon can’t demonstrate to me and tell me how to hold my wand properly and focus my energy in the right direction?”

Dumbledore was staring at him, not a trace of emotion visible on his face. From his cage, Fawkes quietly stared at the young child who was still frowning at the headmaster with confusion.

“ _Albus, shouldn’t you say something? I mean, Merlin! The child is ten years old_.”

“ _Yes, I know, old friend, but now is not the time. We’ll get to it, believe me. But not today_.”

Severus was oblivious to their staring and carried right on, giving the headmaster all the reasons Gorgon had to be allowed to keep his wand. “And Father would have been a lot more upset with me than he was if Gorgon wouldn’t have practiced all those curses and hexes with me. I would have failed them miserably and Father would have—would have been quite upset. Besides, my elf needs his wand to protect himself and for making the pain go away.”

A flicker of sadness flashed through the headmaster’s eyes but he quickly pushed it aside, determined to stick to the subject at hand. “Another issue is about your wand.”

Severus’ expression darkened even more and his eyes narrowed into slits. Sensing the sudden increase in the wary child’s defensive mechanisms, Dumbledore let his eyes twinkle at him and smiled reassuringly, but Severus merely glared at him.

“You’re not taking my wand away from me.”

Dumbledore held up a soothing hand. “It hasn’t come to that yet, but it might. Now, listen to me very carefully, please. By law, wizard born children are allowed to have wands at whatever age their parents see fit, so you having a wand is not an issue. However, there is a strict law which prohibits underage wizards from using their wands and any magic at all while they’re not in a wizarding school.”

Severus’ frown eased up slightly. “But I am in a wizarding school, so that’s not a problem.”

“No, no. I meant that the school needs to be in session.”

Severus frowned, his mind quickly working through the implications of this. Suddenly, his frown darkened again. “You mean I can’t use my wand and any magic at all during the summer?”

Dumbledore nodded. “I’m afraid so, my dear. It’s the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry.”

Severus glared. “Well who’s going to stop me?”

Dumbledore smiled. “The Ministry, my dear. They can take both of your wands away and never allow you to own another one. In the worst case, they can even put restraints on your magical abilities if they fear you’ll disobey the law again.”

Severus was still glaring. “Those stupid fools should mind their own business. I’ve been doing magic since I was five years old and I’m not going to stop now because some stupid muggle loving gits said so.”

Dumbledore held up his hand once more. “Calm down for a moment and listen to me. I was at the ministry yesterday to discuss this very issue with some members of the Law Enforcement Department, and since I have some influence in the ministry, I’ve convinced them to leave this matter in my hands.”

Severus and Gorgon both sat there in silence, staring at him, one in anger and the other in wariness.

“Now, there’s no reason to be afraid, Gorgon. I’m not going to throw the two of you out for doing dark magic, simply because I don’t think Severus here completely understands what it is and where the boundaries are. Also, I don’t think it’s fair to remove your wand from you Gorgon, since it is my belief that you’ve never used it purely for your own sadistic purposes, but used it in self defense or in helping Severus in some ways, whether this was practicing curses with him or fixing up a few scrapes here and there. Therefore, I’m willing to let you keep your wand, on the condition that you don’t wave it around the other elves and you keep it out of sight and refrain from using it when other people are around. It wouldn’t look good at all if somebody reported us to the Ministry. All that paperwork is tedious.”

Right away, Gorgon’s face lost its apprehension and he shot the headmaster an enormous, lopside grin and threw himself on the floor at Dumbledore’s desk.

“Oh, thank you, headmaster! Thank you! Gorgy in headmaster’s eternal service now! Anything headmaster wants, Gorgy will find.”

Dumbledore gave him a kind smile and assured him it hadn’t been a difficult decision to make and as long as Gorgon followed the rules—to which the elf nodded so quickly that he nearly fell over—it shouldn’t be a problem.

Then Dumbledore turned back to Severus, who was glaring at him darkly.

“Now, this is the more difficult issue. I know you’re used to using your wand, my dear, however I can’t ignore the Decree as easily as I can the law that prohibits elves from using their wands.”

“And why not?”

“Simply because I feel I must set some sort of example to both of you and I can’t be a terribly good example if I simply dismiss ministry regulations. Therefore, I’ve determined that I won’t completely disregard the law, but I won’t enforce it either. I will make you and Gorgon both a deal. Since Mr. Filch, our school caretaker, is currently on holiday and won’t be back until school starts, I’m afraid that the clutter and dirt has built up quite a bit and the elves are far too busy to attend to all of it at once. Therefore, I have volunteered both of your help. If you help clean the school and complete a list of chores which will be written up for you everyday from now until the end of the summer, you’ll be allowed to use your wands and magic freely. However, this comes with two conditions.”

They both looked at him, wary. “What conditions?” Severus asked slowly.

Dumbledore gave them soothing smiles, sure that his next few words would cause a chorus of protests. “The first is that you don’t mention this little agreement to anyone, simply because I feel it would make other students jealous and could cause problems with the ministry. Secondly, while you’re doing your chores, your wands will be kept up here where my old collegues will watch over them and neither of you will use any magic.”

Gorgon stared at him as if he had lost his mind and Severus glared. “No magic? You can’t be serious. Are you mad?” He demanded hotly.

Dumbledore smiled. “Some might say so, yes. But I assure you, I’m quite serious. The chores won’t be terribly difficult, but I think it would be a prime opportunity for both of you to get used to doing things with your own hands and not depending on magic.”

When Severus looked like he would keep on arguing, the headmaster lifted a hand. “Those are the conditions, my dear. Should you choose to ignore them, I’ll have no choice but to remove your wands until school starts and report you to the ministry if you do magic without my consent.”

Severus glared darkly at the carpet and didn’t respond. Gorgon leaned over his chair and gave the headmaster a wide smile while he tried to cover up the fact that he was loudly whispering into his young master’s ear in Elfish.

“This is a good deal, young master. We should accept it. We can still do magic and we would still have wands. Yes, we’ll have to work for it, but it won’t kill us. It’s better than the stupid ministry getting involved.”

Severus scowled at his elf. “You stupid git. If you’re going to whisper something confidential in my ear then don’t do it in such a manner that everyone in the school can hear it. We don’t know how many people can speak Elfish in here.” He muttered in Elfish.

Gorgon shrugged his shoulders. “Gorgy is terribly sorry, young master but my hearing isn’t as good as used to be, so Gorgy needs to talk loudly.”

Severus rolled his eyes. “It’s your hearing that’s shot and not mine, elf!” he whispered, completely exasperated.

While they were arguing, neither of them noticed the headmaster desperately trying to suppress amused laughter. He had nearly fallen off his chair when he heard the two of them fluently conversing in Elfish. He only knew a handful of people—asides from himself— who could speak the ancient language and most of them were professors who taught it for a living or worked closely with elves. Severus was the first child he had met who could speak it fluently. For a moment, he was surprised, but then realized it would only be natural. After all, from what he could gather, Gorgon had played an enormous part in his young charge’s upbringing. It would only be natural for Severus to have learned the ancient language over the years. Severus stared thoughtfully at the carpet for a while before he gave his elf a sideways glance and then looked at the headmaster. “Fine. We’ll do it.”

“And you both swear not to use magic while doing your chores?”

The two of them exchanged another glance before nodding together.

Dumbledore gave them both a wide smile. “Excellent. Well, in that case, I think we’d better hurry down to breakfast. Pancakes don’t taste nearly as good cold as when they’re warm.”

 

**July 27th, 1971**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus strode down the corridor, his black robe billowing around him as he squinted and scowled at the early morning sun streaming through the windows beside him. Gorgon was trotting behind him, one hand clutching his robe and the other hand close to where his wand was hidden.

He glanced up. “Young master still not liking sun?”

Severus scowled down at him. “How could anybody like the thing? It’s too bright, it gives me a headache and makes my eyes ache. It’s the one thing I miss about the manor.” He grumbled.

Just then, a brilliant silver flash erupted beside him and moments later, Fawkes was lazily flying beside them.

“ _What was this I heard about someone not liking the sun? How could anybody possibly not like the sun? It’s inconceivable_.”

“Then you’re a lot dumber than you look, bird.” Severus muttered, shooting the bird a dirty look.

A chuckle erupted in his head and Severus narrowed his eyes at the bird, who chuckled harder in response and swooped around in a slow circle.

Severus held out his hand. “Quit showing off and give it to me already.”

Fawkes suddenly spun himself in a tight circle, and with another flash of silver light, a piece of parchment materialized in the bird’s wake and slowly drifted towards Severus.

Severus grabbed it out of the air and both he and Gorgon bent over it.

“We need to help Professor McGonagall clean her classroom, go down to the kitchen and help scrub pots with the elves and then we have to go up to the headmaster’s office.”

Severus sighed but kept on walking towards the statue of a three eyed wizard, behind which lay the supply closet.

When they walked up to it, Fawkes gently landed on Severus’ shoulder, who only glanced at the bird, already used to this after nearly a week.

“Dish rags.” He muttered at the statue, which winked at him with all three eyes and slid aside, revealing the small room.

Gorgon right away leapt inside and grabbed a handful of brooms and piles of cleaning rags and bottles full of soap, polish grease and various other cleaning supplies.

Severus reached over and took the armful of bottles from him and then threw the cleaning rags in a bucket. He grabbed the handle and handed it to Fawkes.

The phoenix sighed in his head. “ _You know how much I despise flying around with cleaning supplies in my beak. It looks so utterly undignified_.”

Severus gave him a look. “If you want to tag along with us you have to help. I know you refuse to help us clean since ‘a Gryffindor bird does not clean’, but if you don’t want to help carry things, you can fly right back up to your prissy little cage and rot there for all I care. It’s your choice.”

Fawkes twittered for a bit and shot him a nasty look, but finally grabbed the bucket from Severus and started flying towards Professor McGonagall’s classroom with an insulted swish of his tail.

Arms loaded full of cleaning supplies, Severus and Gorgon shut the closet door and struggled down the hallway and up the stairs and along another long corridor until they reached Professor McGonagall’s classroom.

Fawkes was perched on a trophy case across the hall with the bucket in his beak and a haughty, insulted look on his face, making the beautiful phoenix look utterly ridiculous.

Gorgon snorted when he looked up at him. “Isn’t we the prissy one?”

Fawkes twittered and narrowed his dark eyes at the elf.

Severus ignored them and politely knocked on the classroom door. Hearing Professor McGonagall’s firm “Come in”, he pushed the door open and all three of them struggled inside.

The Professor glanced up from her desk and gave them all a small smile.

“You three are starting awfully early today. Big plans for later on?”

Severus dropped his armful onto the floor. “The library still needs a thorough exploration.”

She looked slightly surprised. “On such a lovely day, you’d rather sit inside and browse through old books than be outside in the sunshine?”

Severus and Gorgon exchanged looks and then looked at her as if she was mad. “That’s hardly a choice, Professor. After scrubbing your floor and pots in the kitchen, I think we’ve all earned ourselves some relaxing time, not more torment.”

She chuckled softly and shook her head. “Why I even asked is beyond me.” She looked at him for a moment and narrowed her eyes thoughtfully until he started shifting beneath her gaze and she slightly shook her head.

“Well, I’ve cleaned out my own desk and the filing cabinets in the back, but the desks, floor and the windows need scrubbing.”

While she had been talking, Fawkes had landed on a nearby desk and dropped the bucket on it with a loud thunk.

Gorgy snorted with laughter at him and Severus rolled his eyes. Fawkes ruffled his feathers.

“ _Laugh all you want, but in a few moments, it’ll be you two who are getting horribly dirty and wet scrubbing floors and looking utterly undignified and horrendously improper, and I’ll be preening_.”

Severus glared at him. “You know what you can preen, bird?”

Gorgon shot him a disapproving look and stomped on his foot. “Young master shouldn’t use such language! It’s not proper and it’s horribly rude. People will think Gorgy raised young master without any manners!” Gorgon hissed at him in Elfish.

Severus narrowed his eyes at him. “And you can preen something too, elf.” He spat back in English.

Gorgon shot Professor McGonagall an apologetic look and gave her a bow before muttering “Grindelwald” at the ceiling in despair.

Severus shoved a strand of his hair behind his ear and pulled his wand out. Gorgon did the same and they both dutifully handed their wands to Fawkes, who shot them both very satisfied looks and disappeared in a burst of flames to hide them in Dumbledore’s office for safe keeping.

Severus bent down and was about to pour soap into the bucket of water, when he realized there wasn’t any water in it. He sighed and swallowed an oath. If he had his wand, he could ask Gorgon how to conjure up water and he’d have it. But no. He had to do things the same way stupid muggles did.

Sighing, he glanced up at Professor McGonagall. “You wouldn’t happen to want to conjure up some water for the bucket, would you?”

She gave him a small smile. “I’m sorry, Severus, but the headmaster said you and Gorgon will have to make do with yourselves and Fawkes for help.”

Severus scowled. “A lot of help that prissy beast is.” He muttered.

Gorgon had already grabbed one of the brooms and was hopping towards the back of the classroom using the desk tops, humming an elf song to himself.

“I have to go fill the bucket with water, Gorgon. I’ll be back.” Severus called over, giving the bucket a dirty look before picking it up and heading towards the door.

Professor McGonagall watched him go. She was surprised that he had only fussed and complained a bit when she had refused to help him. A few days ago, he would have thrown a hissy fit, screaming at her that he’d burn her hair off if she didn’t help him. But she had been firm and stood her ground, but had kept her hand on her wand all the same. Just to be sure. But after the headmaster had kindly but firmly explained that the condition had been that Severus and Gorgon only use Fawkes for help, Severus had quietly agreed to try harder.

She watched him slowly shuffle out of the classroom, swinging the bucket and glaring darkly at the floor. Well, he might not like it, but at least he was doing it and learning.

Maybe there was some hope in this crazy idea of Albus’ after all.

 

*             *             *

 

Fawkes slowly swooped around their heads as they made their way down to the lower floors and walked down a long corridor past Mr.Filch’s office and a few bathrooms and an abandoned classroom. Severus and Gorgon both threw the phoenix dirty looks. Fawkes had spent the past two hours sitting on top of a bookshelf in Professor McGonagall’s classroom, preening and remarking from time to time that they had missed a spot while Severus and Gorgon had gotten soaked and covered in soap suds from scrubbing the floor. And then Gorgon had accidently dumped an entire bottle of window cleaner on Severus. The elf had been perched on top of a high ladder and had been cleaning the top of the window while Severus scrubbed the bottom and when Gorgon had handed the cleaning fluid back to his young master, the bottle had slipped from his hands and landed on him. Severus had been so angry that sparks had flown from his finger tips, but thankfully, Professor McGonagall had given him a firm look and then dried him off with a flick of her wand. But that didn’t change the fact that they were soaked a second time by the time they were done with the floors and the fact that Severus reeked so badly of cleaning fluid that Fawkes had already remarked on it half a dozen times.

They rounded the corner and reached a portrait of a silver bowl of fruit. Severus reached up and hit the pear with a closed fist as hard as he could. It gave a small squeal of pain before turning into a shaking green door knob which Severus grabbed and yanked the portrait open.

“ _You didn’t have to hit the pear, you know. Simply tickling it gets the job done_.”

Severus shot a dirty glare over his shoulder. “If you don’t want me to rip your feathers out, bird, I’d keep my stupid, prissy mouth shut.”

Gorgon climbed up through the portrait hole and frowned at his young master with disapproval.

“Young master please not be so rude to Master Fawkes.”

Severus jumped down from the hole and landed on the stone tiles of the kitchen.

“And you can shut it too, elf.” He replied, ducking underneath the hundreds of pots and pans which hung from the low ceiling above his head.

He strode across the kitchen, ignoring the squeals of excitement and the happy greeting cries of the elves, who all stopped working and turned around to wave at him with dish rags or pieces of chicken or vegetable peels.

Gorgon immediately went over to the table where a squealing and clapping Gabby was peeling potatoes. The tiny, perky elf right away conjured up an extra knife for him and they started peeling potatoes, and chatting with each other. From time to time, Gabby would swivel her hips at him and wink and Gorgon would leer at her.

Severus ignored that whole disgusting display and went over to the enormous sink, where two elves were busy washing dishes. One of them stood over the pile of dirty dishes and clapped his hands repeatedly and every time, a dish would jump up and into the water and madly spin around a few times before jumping out and into the dish rag another elf was holding. After a few dishes, they would switch.

Right in the middle of a clap, the elf turned around and grinned when he saw Severus.

“Ah, Master Severus! Good morning!” He sniffed the air and then grinned, continuing his greeting in Elfish. “Master Severus is smelling very clean today if Rudy can say so, sir.”

Severus glared as he walked over and took the dish rag from the elderly elf who was drying them.

“I’ll dry dishes for a bit, Mixie.” He muttered in Elfish. The old mute elf gave him a huge smile and her eyes filled up with tears before she hopped off to go and sit by the fireplace.

Severus sighed as he held open the dishrag and caught a dish flying out of the sink. Rudy was already chattering on and on about something to which Severus wasn’t really paying attention, but for some reason, the elf’s constant chatter calmed his anger and frustration down. As he dried the dish and put it into the clean pile, he glanced around at the other elves busily working around him, but all the while, chattering happily and smiling at each other.

He turned back to the sink just in time to catch another dish and began drying it.

Fawkes flew through the kitchen and gently landed on his shoulder. Severus ignored him, still annoyed with the bird’s snotty attitude earlier that day.

When Severus’ dish rag was soaked through, he threw it down and was about to go rummage through the bin of clean rags (since he couldn’t simply summon another one with his wand), when Fawkes gently nipped his ear.

“ _I’ll get it, don’t worry about it_.”

Severus raised his eyebrows. “You’re willing to rummage through a bin of rags and bring me another one? Aren’t you afraid it’ll seem too improper? After all, I don’t know many birds who spent their time dragging rags around.”

Fawkes twittered. “ _Well, they’re clean rags, otherwise, I wouldn’t be volunteering. Besides, we’re in the kitchen and I don’t mind what the elves think. They know more about any of us than we really know anyway, so it won’t do any harm_.”

With that, he flew off towards the bin and returned, carrying a clean rag in his claws. Severus took it and muttered a thank you—to which Gorgon threw him a very thrilled look—and then went back to catching dishes and drying them. Meanwhile, Fawkes made himself comfortable on his shoulder again and started complaining to Severus about Gorgon and Gabby’s ‘completely inappropriate behavior’.

 

*             *             *

 

Severus let the spiraling staircase slowly carry him and Gorgon up to the headmaster’s office while Fawkes rode along on his shoulder.

He nearly missed the end of the staircase and stumbled off it with flailing arms. He had been busy unwrapping his last chocolate frog and had curiously stared at the card and had once again tried to figure out what was so fascinating about a smiling, old, wrinkly wizard or witch who had lived hundreds of years ago. According to the elves in the kitchen, quite a few students at the school spent their time collecting these cards, just like the headmaster did. Severus had thought it was a tremendous waste of time and simply gave all his cards to the headmaster, just like Gorgon did. To the headmaster’s delight and to both Severus’ and Gorgon’s surprise, the two of them had become addicted to chocolate frogs and chocolate in general. In the past few days, they had tried a wide assortment of candy, and had found that lemon drops were too sour, sugar quills were too sweet and those bean things were just too strange and unpredictable. But they had both loved the chocolate frogs and now always got a handful when they went to the headmaster’s office. The elves kept their own supply in the kitchen and always crammed handfuls of them into their hands before they left. Severus had even woken up one day to find a small pile beside him on the floor with a smiling Gabby standing above him.

Gorgon was humming to himself as he unwrapped his last frog too and stuffed the card into his pillowcase while he munched on his frog.

They came to a stop before the door and Severus politely knocked on it. He heard muttered voices within abruptly cease and then the headmaster cheerfully told them to come on in.

As the door swung open, they cautiously stepped inside and immediately, they stared at the white haired stranger sitting in one of the visitor chairs. Fawkes inclined his head at the stranger and then flew off Severus’ shoulder and landed inside his cage with a quiet flutter of his red wings. The headmaster was sitting behind his chair and gave them both kind smiles.

“Ah, there you two are. Done in the kitchen?”

Severus and Gorgon were still suspiciously staring at the stranger but gave the headmaster small nods.

“Very good. In that case, we can get started. Severus, Gorgon, might I introduce Regan Ollivander, an old friend of mine and the best wand maker in Britain. And these two are Severus Snape and his elf, Gorgon. Severus will be starting first year when September comes.”

Severus politely inclined his head at the stranger, but didn’t move any closer to him. Gorgon bowed, but kept  a hand entangled in his young master’s robes to prevent him from going any closer to the stranger.

The stranger turned his head and misty silver eyes stared at them from behind large golden glasses. He tilted his head slightly as he narrowed his eyes thoughtfully at Severus.

“I remember your mother coming to buy her first wand from me. Ten inches long, quite bendy, mahogany with a dragon heartstring core. Quite a temperamental wand but your mother was quite a tough one. I didn’t anticipate any problems. By the way, how is Herania?”

Severus narrowed his eyes and glared at him. Whether he was angry because the old man had mentioned his mother or because the man had known her back when she had been herself, which Severus never had, he neither knew nor cared.

“She’s dead.” He said, the barest hint of anger audible in his voice.

Mr.Ollivander’s silvery eyes widened and he exchanged a quick glance with Dumbledore, before staring at Severus again. “I’m very sorry, child.”

Severus glared at him. “Spare me your pity, I don’t want any of it.” With that, he dismissed the stranger and looked at the headmaster. “Why are we here, headmaster?”

Dumbledore conjured up a plateful of chocolate frogs but neither Severus or Gorgon moved towards them.

“Mr.Ollivander is here to test your wand, Severus, and your reserve wand.”

Neither Severus or Gorgon said anything to this or tried to correct him by mentioning that the ‘reserve’ wand was really Gorgon’s. They knew that Mr.Ollivander probably wouldn’t approve of that at all.

“It’s simply a precautionary measure. I know the reserve one is quite old and a bit broken, so Regan might be able to fix it, and then he’ll check your other wand just to ensure it’s working properly.”

Severus narrowed his eyes. “I don’t want some stranger touching my wand.”

Gorgon yanked hard on his robe. “Young master not be so rude! Master Ollivander does young master favor. No need to be afraid. Master Ollivander not harm wand while headmaster watching.”

Severus glanced at him and calmed down slightly, but he still glared at Mr.Ollivander. The old man gave him a small smile.

“If you’re really uncomfortable with this, Albus can examine the wands while I instruct him, but it would go faster if I would do it. I swear to you I will not harm them in any way.”

Severus glanced around at the old man, the headmaster and Gorgon and finally nodded.

Dumbledore reached under his desk,  muttered a few words and immediately, a hidden compartment sprang open and the two wands leapt into his hands.

He first handed Gorgon’s crooked wand to the wand maker. “This is the reserve one.”

Mr.Ollivander gently took the wand and turned it over in his hands. He kept muttering fragments of sentences to himself and bringing the wand up to his eyes for a closer look. From time to time, he’d gently swish it through the air. The first time he did it, a small splutter of green sparks dripped from the end. Mr.Ollivander frowned at it.

“This is quite an old wand. It’s not one of my own, I can tell you that. In fact, if I’m not mistaken, this is one of those old children wands which parents used to buy their children for fun. They never lasted long and weren’t capable of much more than a burst of sparks or making noise. But this one had been altered quite much. It’s been infused with some dark substance that I can’t quite identify.”

Severus and Gorgon were both frowning, never having heard of this before.

Mr.Ollivander turned the wand over in his hands and frowned again. “This dark substance has not only increased the wand’s life span considerably, but it has increased its magical capabilities on an amazing scale.” He stopped and brought it so close to his face that his glasses nearly hit it.

“It’s got an amazing potential as a healing wand, if I’m not mistaken. But I also see some side effects from the substance which had been used to enhance it. It also has a great capacity for darker magic.” He glanced up at Severus. “Child, where in the name of Merlin did you get this wand?”

Severus stiffened and glared. “That’s none of your business.”

Dumbledore quickly shot Severus a warning glance and then looked at Mr.Ollivander.

“Can you fix it, Regan?”

The old wizard nodded. “Of course, of course. It hasn’t broken in half but was only bent slightly. I’m guessing it hit a wall or something else. This will only take a moment.”

Reaching into his dark red cloak, he pulled out a small bottle. He opened it and immediately, a stream of dark blue crystals drifted out and surrounded the broken wand. The crystals started swirling faster and faster around it until the wand was spinning madly inside the glowing blue cloud. Finally, Mr.Ollivander yanked the wand out of the crystals. Severus and Gorgon both stared. The wand was perfectly straight, and even the frayed end had been smoothed off. The wand nearly looked brand new.

Mr.Ollivander examined it with a critical eye before gently swishing it through the air. A brilliant shower of bright green sparks erupted from it. Mr.Ollivander smiled in satisfaction and handed it back to Dumbledore.

Gorgon glanced up at his young master and stomped on his foot. Severus hissed in pain and glared at him before looking up at Mr.Ollivander.

“Thank you, Mr. Ollivander.”

The old man was busy forcing the spinning blue crystals back into the bottle but gave him a small smile. “Not a problem, child. Not a problem.”

Putting the bottle back into his cloak, he looked expectantly at Dumbledore. “Alright, now for the other one.”

Dumbledore handed the slim black wand to Mr. Ollivander, who took it with gentle hands. Severus tensed and clenched his hands into fists beneath his robe sleeves. Gorgon gently tugged on the hem of his robe, reminding him to not do anything stupid.

As soon as Mr. Ollivander took the wand and rolled it between two finger tips, his eyebrows shot up. He gave Dumbledore a startled look, but then composed himself and frowned down at it.

“Eleven inches, ebony wood and with a core of thestral hair, I believe.” He muttered.

As he continued gently turning it in his hands, the wand suddenly started shaking and angry green sparks shot out of it. One of them grazed Mr. Ollivander’s hands. But instead of yelping and dropping it, he tightened his grip on it.

“Oh, behave yourself at once. I’m going to return you to your owner in just a few moments.” He said sharply, giving it a disapproving look. The wand continued shaking, but then gradually calmed down.

Mr.Ollivander glanced at Severus. “Has it ever done that before?”

Severus shook his head. “I’ve never given it to anybody else before.”

The old man nodded. “I would be very careful with it in the future. Dark wands like this are very loyal to their masters and loath being handled by strangers. Their attachment to their masters only grows with time and so does their reactions towards strangers. Both you and the wand are quite young still so it only sparks at me, but later on, it will probably get a lot more violent.”

Severus shrugged. “That’s something my wand and I have in common then. I hate strangers too.”

Mr.Ollivander chuckled quietly before going back to looking at the wand. As he continued turning it in his hands and muttering to it, the old wand makers expression darkened considerably.

Frowning, he straightened up and gently swished it. At first, the wand shook and tried to tear itself out of his hands. Mr.Ollivander gripped it tighter and glared at it.

“Stubborn thing refuses to do this simple little thing for me. I despise dark wands.” He muttered to himself.

Finally, the wand stopped trying to rip itself out of Mr.Ollivander’s grasp and a bouquet of beautifully colored flowers sprang from its tip. Mr.Ollivander’s face erupted in a pleased smile, but suddenly, the flowers wilted and turned black and in a few moments, they crumbled into ash and streamed onto the floor. As soon as the stream of black powder hit the floor, it changed into dark red blood and seeped across the floor.

Mr.Ollivander’s smile vanished and he glared at the wand. Taking out his own wand, he hissed a spell at the mess on the floor and instantly, the floating ash bits and pools of blood vanished.

Severus was sneering at the wand maker, very pleased with his wand. Of course it hadn’t wanted to make a stupid pile of nauseatingly bright flowers. It was his wand after all. Severus couldn’t help but feel immensely proud of his wand.

Mr.Ollivander was quietly staring at the wand. His anger had vanished and he just looked worried now. He exchanged a quiet look with Dumbledore, who was resting his chin on clasped hands and was looking quite worried too.

The old wand maker gently handed the wand back to Dumbledore who carefully laid it on his desk. Severus glanced at his wand and shot it a small smile. Right away, the wand lifted from the desk and was about to fly over to him, but Severus shook his head at it firmly, the way Gorgon had told him to do everytime the wand was being rude. The wand shook slightly out of anger, but then calmed down and lay down beside Gorgon’s smaller wand.

Severus gave his wand an approving nod before noticing that Mr.Ollivander was staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face.

“I was wondering if it would be alright if I asked you some questions about your wand, Severus?”

Severus shrugged, while Gorgon hissed a curse and hid his face in his young master’s robes, convinced that they were about to be thrown into Azkaban.

“Who got it for you?”

“My Father.” Severus aswered cautiously.

“And do you know where he got it from?”

Severus shook his head. “He never told me.”

The wand maker thoughtfully narrowed his eyes. “Hmm, I see. How long have you had this wand?”

“I got it when I was five.”

“And you’ve been using it continuously for the past five years?”

Severus nodded, wary that they were getting into complicated questions.

“Has it ever given you any problems?”

Severus shrugged. “Sometimes it’s a bit rude and impatient and it hates muggles, but if you glare at it and shake your head, it calms down.”

“So it’s a bit temperamental?”

“At times.”

Mr.Ollivander narrowed his eyes thoughtfully again. “And have you ever had any problems controlling it?”

Severus frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Has a spell every blown out of proportions or has the wand ever taken over a spell you wanted to do or has it ever spontaneously caused any significant damage?”

“It sparks from time to time and it’s burned a couple of muggles, but asides from that, it always listens to me.”

Mr.Ollivander was nodding quietly and exchanged another look with Dumbledore before turning back to Severus.

“Well, in that case, I think I’m finished here. It was very nice meeting both of you, and do drop by my shop in Diagon Alley if you have any other problems with either wand.”

Severus and Gorgon both nodded quietly and then glanced at the headmaster who handed Severus both wands and then smiled at them and quietly dismissed them.

As soon as the door shut behind them, Mr.Ollivander turned back to Dumbledore, his expression very grave.

“You can’t seriously be considering letting that child keep that wand.”

Dumbledore shrugged. “He’s had it for five years, Regan, and there haven’t been any significant problems—”

“Albus, just like I told Severus, the wand’s attachment to Severus will only grow stronger with time. There will come a point when it will kill any person who comes close to Severus.”

Dumbledore nodded. “I know that, Regan, but we’re not talking about a normal child here—”

“And we’re not talking about a normal wand here either, Albus! This wand is so clogged with dark magic that it’s nearly disgusting. I’ll be surprised if he can open a door with it without the wand blowing the door to bits. The power of that wand is simply too much for a child to handle, Albus, and asides from that, with that kind of a wand, what kind of a wizard do you think Severus will turn into? He’ll notice right away that his wand likes doing dark magic more than light magic and he’ll want to dabble more in that since his wand seems to be having more fun. The entire situation reeks of disaster.”

Albus quietly kept the fact to himself that Severus had already done his fair share of dark magic with his wand and that the wand wasn’t the only one who liked dark magic better.

“Regan, as I was saying, we’re not talking about a normal child here. He’s had that wand for five years and has been able to control it. Yes, the wand will grow stronger and its potential for destruction will grow stronger, but Severus will grow stronger with it. I believe that if we teach him properly, he’ll be able to continue controlling the wand and keeping it in check. Besides, if Severus proves to be as adept at magic as I have a feeling he will be, he might be able to even teach his wand a thing or two.”

Mr.Ollivander shook his head. “You’re mad, Albus. There are going to be nearly a hundred children running around these corridors in a few weeks, some of them half-bloods, some of them from muggle families and even that squib, Argus. Do you seriously think the wand will just quietly sit by and let them wander around unharmed? You have no idea of the damage that wand may cause.”

Dumbledore gave him a reassuring smile. “Regan, I’ve thought this all out very carefully. Severus doesn’t strike me as the type to socialize with half-bloods and muggle borns very much anyway, and besides, I’ve instructed all of my staff to be careful and to make sure they keep an eye on the wand. As soon as they think that the wand is controlling the situation and not Severus, they will report to me and we’ll deal with the situation then. But until then, I have faith in Severus, and besides, this will be a grand learning experience for him.”

Mr.Ollivander was staring at him. “If you’re hoping to turn a dark wand into a light wand, you know it’s impossible. Their loyalties are eternal.”

Dumbledore smiled. “Yes I know. But I’m hoping its owner will be more willing to change and once he does, his wand’s loyalty to its master will be stronger than its loyalty to the dark.”

 

**Aug. 3rd, 1971**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus quietly hummed an old elf song to himself as he walked down the corridor, a towel drapped over his arm. Gorgon was down in the kitchen, flirting outrageously with Gabby and chattering with the other elves and Fawkes had gone to attend a meeting at the ministry with the headmaster. They had finished scrubbing most of the school brooms that morning and still had to sweep the main staircases, but Severus had wanted to go have a bath and Gorgon had apparated to the kitchen, so they would have to do the staircase later.

He rounded the corner and trotted up one of the side staircases and then cut through a classroom. Finally, he rounded a final corner and then found himself facing the prefect’s bathroom. He quietly grinned to himself. He couldn’t help but feel proud of the fact that he nearly knew the school inside and out already.

He pushed open the door and walked into the bathroom. A blinding wave of light hit him as soon as he walked in and he had to squeeze his eyes shut and blink a few times until he could see straight.

The entire bathroom was covered in gleaming marble tiles and the bright lights reflected off them so harshly that the entire bathroom was nearly as bright as the sun.

Severus muttered a curse and winced at the dull throb which was starting up in the back of his head. For a moment, he considered going back down to the bathroom in the dungeons, but then decided that he really wanted to try out all the different bubble types Fawkes had told him about.

Glaring at the lights, he took a few cautious steps forward.

“Not used to the lights, are you? You look paler than a vampire and about twice as thin.” A sudden voice called over to him.

Severus gasped and spun around, yanking his wand out and pointing it at the source of the voice.

Two things happened very quickly. A mermaid reclining on a rock in a portrait hanging beside the enormous white bathtub started screaming and hid behind her rock with a splash of water. And then Severus noticed that he had pointed his wand at a white, whispy ghost.

He blinked. “You’re a ghost.” He said, narrowing his eyes at the shape.

She was quietly sitting on the edge of the bathtub, dangling her white, vapory legs. She was quite chubby and was wearing thick glasses. She rolled her eyes and threw one of her long pigtails over her shoulders.

“Well, of course I am, silly. Why do you think I’m not freaking out about the fact that you’re pointing a wand at me? Not like her.” The girl rolled her eyes and waved an absentminded hand at the mermaid, who was peeking around her rock, utterly terrified.

Severus narrowed his eyes at the girl. “What do you want?”

She shrugged. “I just wanted to meet you. I’d heard from the Bloody Baron that you’d been sorted into his house early and that you were staying here over the summer and the summers get so awfully boring here. Nobody ever visits my bathroom to talk to me.”

Severus stared at her. “Bathroom?”

She rolled her eyes again. “Of course, silly. My bathroom. It’s where I died. You see, I was in there, crying and feeling so terrible because of the awful things that Oliver was—”

Severus frowned at her and interupted her. “What gives you the slighest indication that I might care?”

She abruptly stopped and her eyes filled with tears. She sniffed loudly. “Oh, you don’t care, do you? Nobody does! I thought I was miserable being alive, but being dead is so much worse!” she sobbed and pulled her knees up to her chest.

Severus frowned at her. He hated people who cried. They were weak and pathetic.

“If you’re going to cry and be pathetic then you deserve to be dead, you snivelling moron. Now get out of this bathroom. Ghosts aren’t supposed to spy on people bathing.”

The girl sobbed even louder and moved over until she was dangling right above one of the large gold faucets. With one last sob, she leaned over and was sucked right into the faucet, a trail of vapor following her in.

Severus glared at the mermaid, who was staring at him with wide, frightened eyes. “I know you can’t go anywhere because none of the other portraits in the castle have enough water in them for you to swim in, so I’ll make you a deal. You’ll stay behind your rock and not peek at me and I’ll leave you alone. If I catch you peeking, I’ll rip all the water out of that painting and you’ll slowly dry to death.”

Her eyebrows rose and she looked even more scared, but then she nodded and quickly ducked behind her rock.

After Severus carefully checked that she wasn’t looking from the other side, he stepped up beside the large bathtub and turned the water on. He knew he could have just used his wand to do it, but weeks of scrubbing dishes and filling water buckets had made him strangely accustomed to turning faucets on himself. He really didn’t know if that was a good thing.

He crouched on the wide rim of the tub as water gushed out of the golden faucet and started filling the large tub. If there was something he had learned from weeks of scrubbing floors was that it was better to get some water in the bucket before adding the soap and then letting more water gush into it. It mixed the soap better and created more bubbles.

He rolled his eyes at himself and then carefully walked along the edge, turning on every single soap tap and watching the different colored soaps stream into the churning water below. There was soap of every imaginable color, some even a combination of two or three colors which wound around each other. As soon as the soap streams hit the water, bubbles of all different sizes, colors and shapes came bursting up and gently bobbed above the water or danced above his heads. He squinted through the bright light, trying to see all the different shapes.

There were yellow squares, blue spheres, purple clouds, green clovers and some pink and orange stripped triangles. But before he had a chance to see anymore, a silver flash beside him nearly startled him badly enough to fall into the water.

He only relaxed slightly when Fawkes’ familiar shape materialized beside him. The bird was frowning at him in clear disapproval.

“ _You have some explaining to do, young man_ —”

“And so do you, bird. You were supposed to be at the ministry all day.”

Fawkes twittered. “ _We finished early, but that is beside the point_ —”

“No, that is the bloody point. Why did you say you were going to be gone all day if you weren’t?”

Fawkes narrowed his eyes. “ _Severus, please don’t interrupt me. I shall be forced to inform Gorgon of this appalling display of rudeness and he’ll be quite upset_.” At that, Severus immediately shut his mouth. “ _First of all, you know you’re not supposed to be in the prefects bathroom. Now, I know it’s summer, but still_.”

“And what’s going to happen, huh? Are there any prefects around to catch me or are there any prefects around who need this bathroom? No. And besides, I’ve spent weeks scrubbing nearly every bathroom around here, including this one, so I should be allowed to use it.”

Fawkes sighed softly and dismissed that argument, knowing it was useless.

“ _And second of all, why were you so rude to poor Myrtle_?”

Severus frowned as he yankes his robe over his head and pulled his underwear and socks off and dropped the pile on the edge of the bathtub. “Who’s Myrtle?”

Fawkes was momentarily distracted by the many small scars covering the young child’s body. All of them looked quite well healed, but some of them looked too deep and old to permanently vanish, with magic or without it.

“ _Severus, who did this_?”

Severus narrowed his eyes and wrapped his wand in his robes. “Don’t ask stupid questions you know the answers to, bird.” He said as he lowered himself into the water. He hissed slightly from the heat, but quickly became used to it. “So, who’s Myrtle?”

Fawkes came hopping a little closer. “ _She’s the ghost whom you so rudely dismissed just a few moments ago_.”

“She was being pathetic and whiny and was snivelling all over the place. I don’t want to have anything to do with those kinds of people.”

Fawkes sighed in his head. “ _Even if you didn’t like her, there was no reason to be so rude to her. She’s really a very nice girl and she doesn’t have many friends_ —”

“And she won’t ever if she keeps bursting into tears at the slightest provocation. It’s annoying and childish.”

Fawkes slightly ruffled his feathers and cocked his head at his small human friend, who was busy flicking bubbles away from himself.

“ _Crying isn’t a crime, Severus_.”

“It is where I’m concerned.”

“ _So you’re telling me you’ve never cried_?”

Severus was about to retort something, but he abruptly shut his mouth and glared darkly at the cheerfully colored bubbles surrounding him.

“ _There, you see? Everybody cries. Some more than others, but it’s not a sign of weakness. It’s simply a means of letting your body express the feelings of sadness it’s experiencing. There’s nothing weak and pathetic about it_.” When Severus didn’t look at him but just continued glaring at the bubbles, Fawkes quietly sighed to himself.

“ _In any case, in the future, could you either be nice to Myrtle, or if that’s an impossibility for you, just stay clear of her. The poor child had a miserable enough life without you being rude and horrible to her_.”

With that, the phoenix disappeared in a burst of flames, leaving Severus quietly glaring at the water and the bubbles.

For years now, he had thought that only stupid, weak muggles and mudbloods cried, but then he found himself remembering the many times he had cried himself to sleep at night and had Gorgon wiping his tears off his cheeks. Those nights hadn’t happened that often, but he remembered the nights when he had so desperately wanted to give in and cry and sob until that ache within him went away, but didn’t allow himself to.

Maybe, maybe the bird was right. Maybe crying wasn’t as bad of a thing as he had made himself believe.

 

*             *             *

 

Dumbledore glanced up as Fawkes apparated in his cage. “How did it go, old friend?”

The phoenix ruffled his feathers and sighed. “He refuses to see my point about why he shouldn’t be in the prefects bathroom during the summer.”

Dumbledore chuckled slightly and waved a hand. “But that’s relatively unimportant. What’s more important is how he reacted when you asked him to leave Myrtle alone.”

“At first, he was completely dismissive of her and thought she was pathetic and weak for crying, but then I explained a few things to him, and he seemed to be thinking about things I left. He didn’t say anything and was glaring at the bubbles around him.”

Dumbledore chuckled again and nodded. “That’s progress, alright, old friend.” The headmaster sighed and leaned back in his chair and looked at the phoenix.

“You know what, Fawkes? I think we might be able to do this.”

“You mean making Severus fit into our world and like it?”

Dumbledore nodded. “You know, a few weeks ago, I thought it would be impossible, but then days like this come along, and I feel there is some hope after all.”

Fawkes tilted his head at him. “Well, it’ll be slow going, Albus, but I have the same faith in Severus that you do.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Aug.7th, 1971**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus frowned as he carefully scanned the many books lining the shelves in front of him. Gorgon was behind him with his wand held out, carefully levitating the many books they had already picked out. It had become such a habit for both of them to curl up together and read books together after dinner that it had remained a routine for them. Since they never really knew what they would feel like reading until evening came, they took out huge armfuls of books and carted them down to the Slytherin common room and kept them hidden under the empty beds in the dormitories with special sticking charms. Fawkes had remarked that it wasn’t proper to take so many books out and hide them, but Severus had scowled and told him the bird wouldn’t be allowed to sit with them and listen to them read at night if he kept on fussing. Unsurprisingly, the phoenix had twittered a bit, but then quickly let it go. The books which Severus and Gorgon had brought with them from the manor had been added to the library’s extensive collection after Dumbledore assured them he put protection charms on them himself to keep them from wrinkling, burning or from being taken out by any other students.

Gorgon nearly tripped over his own feet and swore when his wand and the pile of books wobbled.

“Grindelwald!” he exclaimed and then risked a glance at his young master. “Young master sure this not enough? We have ‘Different Perspectives of the Goblin Rebellion’, ‘Advanced Charms’, ‘Charms for Daily Uses’, and ‘Dragons of the Mid-East’. Gorgon thinking it’s enough, no?”

Severus didn’t take his eyes off the books he was scanning. “No, it’s not enough. The author of that advanced charms book also wrote one about transfiguration. According to Fawkes, it’s not quite as good, but I want to read it.”

Gorgon frowned. “Didn’t we read that book last week sometime?”

“No. That was a different author.”

Gorgon carefully peeked around the pile until he saw the author’s name printed on the book floating in front of him. Immediately, he realized his young master was right.

Just then, Severus exclaimed: “There it is! Five rows up! I can just read the author’s name and the title starts with a ‘T’ so it must be right.”

Turning around, he pulled out his wand and summoned the large ladder which was leaning against a shelf further down the aisle. The ladder immediately came flying towards him and stopped with a small screech. Severus put his wand away and quickly climbed up the ladder and grabbed the book. Frowning at it, he nodded. “This is the right one.” He climbed back down and threw the book into the pile. Using his wand, he cut the pile in half and quickly levitated his own half.

“Come on, elf. We just have enough time to drop these off before going to dinner.”

Without another word, the two of them strode out of the empty library, their piles of books floating in front of them.

 

**Aug. 9th, 1971**

**Hogwarts School**

 

“ _You missed a spot_.”

Severus scowled up at the bird when the voice erupted in his head. “You can either shut it or you can help us.”

Fawkes ruffled his feathers. “ _No, thank you. Mopping is such an undignified activity_.”

Severus narrowed his eyes and rolled up his sleeves again. Ducking his mop into the bucket of water, he heaved it onto the dusty floor and started scrubbing again. The hem of his robe was entirely soaked and he had soap suds in his hair and on his robe. He glanced over to where his elf was busy yanking his own mop around the floor and he saw Gorgon wasn’t any better off. The elf’s legs and pillow case were covered in water patches and there were soap suds on his ear.

Gorgon stopped for a moment and leaned heavily on his mop. “Gorgy hates to complain, but Gorgy not see point of cleaning old classroom nobody used for twenty years.”

Fawkes stopped scratching his feathers for a moment and looked at Severus. “ _Would you please tell him that it’s simply because it’s unsightly to have a dirty classroom in the castle_.”

Severus rolled his eyes. “Prissy over here says it’s because we’d all die if there’s a speck of dirt on the floor.”

Fawkes sighed loudly in his head but promptly went back to preening. With a sigh, Gorgon picked up his mop again and continued mopping.

Severus straightened up and dragged his mop back to the bucket. He heaved it inside and splashed some water around while he rinsed it out. When he yanked it back out, he took a moment to scowl at the clean phoenix sitting on the edge of an empty bookshelf. This proved to have been a bad moment to look at preening birds.

While he hadn’t been looking, he had accidentally stepped on the soaking wet mop. He felt his feet sliding out from under him. Wildly, he flailed his arms around, but still went crashing to the floor with a small cry. Since the floor around him was still slippery with water, he went sliding across it, his robe soaking up the water as he flew towards the far wall where the old fireplace sat.

As he glanced over his shoulder, he realized he would land right in the fireplace and hit the brick wall. At the last moment, he stretched out his hands to brace himself. A moment later, he slammed into the wall and his hands were crushed against the brick wall.

For a moment, he simply lay there, breathing hard and not moving, oblivious to Gorgon and Fawkes hurrying over and fussing over him and wanting to know if he was alright.

As he slowly started uncurling himself and started wriggling out of the small fireplace, he suddenly felt one of the bricks his left hand was on starting to grow warm.

For a moment, panic seized him, but then he remembered that the fireplace was empty and had been for a number of years. Since there wasn’t any ash or wood, there obviously couldn’t be a fire.

Twisting around in the small space, he curiously frowned at the brick, which had turned a deep red and was glowing.

He yanked his hand away from it and watched as the glow became brighter. Both Gorgon and Fawkes had fallen silent and were staring at the strangely glowing brick.

Suddenly, the entire wall seemed to shiver slightly and then simply disappeared. A black, yawning hole stood where a solid brick wall had stood moments ago.

The three of them quietly gaped at it, before Gorgon wrung his hands.

“Oh, Grindelwald! We wrecked brick wall! Oh, headmaster will kill us.”

Severus ignored his elf’s frantic rantings and cautiously edged closer to the hole. Sticking his head into it, he curiously stared into it and was surprised to see a chute leading down and disappearing into darkness.

Severus glanced at Fawkes, who was uncomfortably shifting from one leg to the other.

“Where does the chute go?”

“ _Oh, you wouldn’t really be interested. The chute is part of the original design for the school, but they haven’t been used since the Founders built the school and lived here, so it doesn’t matter_.”

Severus rolled his eyes. “Of course it matters, bird! We have to go down there and take a look.”

Fawkes gave him a horrified look. “ _We can’t just go down an abandoned chute and go waltzing around in the darkness when we have no idea where we are going_.”

While they were arguing, Gorgon had gotten over his hysteria and had curiously edged up beside his young master and was staring down the hole. He shot Severus a grin.

“Oh, this will be fun.”

Severus frowned. “Not right away, it won’t. We can’t go down there without wands.”

At that, they stared at each other for a moment until they both turned and stared at Fawkes. Fawkes looked back and forth between them before he realized what they wanted.

“ _Oh, no. No, no, no. There is no way I’m going to break our agreement with Albus and get your wands for you before you’re done cleaning, and I’m especially not going to do it so that we can hurl ourselves into a frightfully dark and dirty place and go grubbing around in it. I mean, there must be rats and cockroaches and even some horrid dark creatures down there. No, no, no. We’re not going. It’s simply ridiculous. Now climb out of that fireplace and keep mopping. After this we can go down to the kitchen and get chocolate frogs._ ”  
Severus narrowed his eyes at him. “Fine then. We’ll simply go without our wands.”

Gorgon gaped at him with a horrified look on his face, before his young master gave him a hard look, and the elf immediately understood. He nodded at the phoenix.

“Yup, we go without wands. No need wands. Okay, we go. Bye bye, bird.” With that, Gorgon grabbed the edges of the hole as if he was about to hurl himself down the chute, when suddenly, Fawkes grabbed his pillowcase in his beak and hurled him back.

“ _Wait, wait, wait! Alright. I’ll go get your wands and then we’ll go, but you have to promise we’ll only go for a few minutes and that you won’t leave me in that dreadful darkness_.”

Severus gave the bird a small smile. “We promise.”

Giving them both exasperated looks, the phoenix quickly disappeared and re-apparated a few moments later with both of their wands clutched in his claws.

Severus and Gorgon both grabbed their wands and then turned back to the hole. “I’ll go first,” Severus muttered. Gorgon nodded and moved over slightly to give him more room. Tucking his wand securily into his robes, he grabbed the edges of the hole and pulled himself into. Immediately, he was sliding through inky blackness and feeling damp, musty air whistling past him.

In just a few moments, he felt the slope of the chute leveling out and he quickly skid to a stop. He pushed himself up and stepped off the metal slide. Moments later, Gorgon slid into view and then Fawkes swooped down the tunnel and landed on his shoulder with a sniff.

“ _Just as I expected. Dirty and dark. Alright, we’ve seen enough, now can we please go back upstairs to where it’s nice and clean_?”

Severus waved an irritated hand at the bird. “Be quiet for a moment, prissy. I want to look around.”

Gorgon was already scampering around, curiously staring around himself.

The ceiling above their heads was quite low and was just high enough for Fawkes to comfortably perch on Severus’ shoulder. There was mold growing on the ceiling and the damp stone walls and water dripped onto the wet floor with an eerie, constant echo.

Gorgon glanced at his young master. “Look like nobody come down here in quite a while.”

Severus nodded and squinted through the dark. He could see a corridor stretching out on either side of the chute they had come down in and both corridors disappeared around a far corner.

Severus frowned and glanced at Fawkes. “Alright, bird. We both know you know more about these tunnels than you’re letting on, so spill it already. Are we under the school?”

Fawkes twittered a bit and thought about whining a bit more, but he quickly realized that they wouldn’t be leaving until they had gotten their questions answered so he sighed heavily and carefully moved over on Severus’ shoulder until one of those constant drips of water didn’t come anywhere near him.

“ _Alright, then. We’re not underneath the school, we’re beside it. These tunnels wrap all around the school and these chutes go up into every room which has a fireplace_.”

“So there are more chutes.”

“ _Yes, many, although they have all been blocked off for years. Well, actually, they were supposed to be blocked off. I don’t understand why this one here opened when you touched the wall. I thought the former headmasters and headmistresses had made sure all of the chutes were closed. They’re simply too dangerous to have around small children_.”

Severus rolled his eyes, sensing a lecture coming. “Stop being annoying, bird. What are the chutes for?”

Fawkes sighed in his head. “ _You can never just ask one question, can you? Always have to know everything about everything. Well. These chutes were used by house elves back in the days when elves couldn’t apparate around the school_ —”

“Why couldn’t they?”

Fawkes sighed over the interuption, but had been expecting it. “ _There used to be very firm apparation wards around the school for safety purposes. Some of them, such as the wards which prohibited elves and birds from apparating around in the school were lifted about thirty odd years ago, but the ones prohibiting humans from apparating are still there. Anyway, the elves lived in these tunnels and small rooms which are connected to the tunnels and each morning, they would scamper up the chute and clean out the fireplace, make a new fire and make people’s beds and sweep and so forth. The kitchen elves also slept in the rooms close to the kitchen and climbed up the kitchen chute to reach it in the morning_.”

Severus frowned. “Why didn’t the elves simply sleep in rooms beside the kitchen like they do now?”

Fawkes sighed somewhat sadly. “ _In those days, elves were considered quite primitive and unsightly. It was thought to be improper to have elves scampering through the castle so the elves were kept out of sight. The reason these tunnels run all around the school was so that elves didn’t have to run from classroom to classroom—which would have been an embarrassment—and they could simply use the chutes and tunnels_.”

Severus frowned and slowly nodded, thinking this over. Suddenly, another question occurred to him.

“Why weren’t these tunnels on the maps the headmaster gave us?”

“ _The tunnels can’t be detected from inside the castle or outside. This was also so that visitors to the school would never accidently tumble down the chutes and find themselves surrounded by elves. And since the tunnels aren’t in use anymore, obviously, Albus saw no reason to include them in current maps of the school since nobody is supposed to be down here_.”

Severus scowled at him and then quickly told Gorgon everything Fawkes had told him. Gorgon quietly listened and then grinned at him. Severus shot him a small grin in response, both of them thinking the same thing. They had been looking for a place where they could both stay together and be hidden away from everybody else. They had carefully searched the enormous castle during their chores, but had found nothing. These tunnels might be the answer they had been looking for.

Severus turned and started striding down the tunnel with Gorgon trotting along beside him, one hand holding his wand and the other clutching Severus’ robe.

Fawkes uttered an outraged squawk. “ _Where are we going? I thought we were just coming down to have a quick look and then go right back upstairs! Oh, this is simply dreadful! I demand that we turn around at once and go back up the chute! Are you listening to me, Severus_?”

“No, not really, bird and now, either be quiet or I’ll glue you to that moldly, cold wall with a sticking charm and you can stay here in the darkness all by yourself until we’re done looking.”

“ _But_ —”

“No buts. Those are your options.”

Fawkes sniffed and rolled his eyes, edging closer to Severus’ head and carefully ducking drips of water. “ _Alright, fine then. But just to be clear, I strongly disapprove of this and I’ll inform Albus of this as soon as we get back up_.”

“No, you won’t,” Severus said confidently as he stepped around a puddle of water. “If you tell the headmaster where we were, he’ll be quite upset with you for letting us come down here.”

“ _Well, it wasn’t like I had a choice_.”

“If you want to risk then, fine, tell him.”

“ _Oh, you’re horrid. Alright, I won’t tell him_.” Just then, a rat scampered across their path and disappeared in a hole dug through one of the stone lining the wall. Fawkes squawked and screeched and Gorgon burst out laughing. Severus shook his head and kept on walking.

“It’s just a bloody rat, bird. Surely you’ve seen them before.”

Fawkes sniffed, obviously embarrassed. “ _I thought it was something else. You never know what kind of dirty creature will be lurking around here_.”

Gorgon suddenly called over to him that he had found something. He was standing a few steps before the tunnel curved out of sight. As Severus came closer, he saw that there was a small door cut into the stone wall.

Severus frowned and curiously pulled his wand out and pointed it at the door. “Alohomora.” He muttered.

For a moment, the old door simply shuddered and then with a loud groan, it slowly swung open.

Gorgon and Severus both curiously peeked inside as Fawkes sighed and once again started whining that he didn’t want to be down here anymore.

Severus waved an irritated hand at him and then took a careful step into the small room. It was quite a small room and was empty except for a small dark lightbulb hanging from the ceiling on a chain.

Gorgon was already sticking his nose into every corner in the room and was nodding with approval. “Little cold, yes, but warmer than tunnels. Gorgy thinks it because other side of wall is outside of castle and sun heating wall. And it dry in here too. Look.” Gorgon carefully wiped his hand on the wall and the floor and then showed his hand to Severus. His hand was perfectly dry.

Severus couldn’t help but let a small satisfied smile flicker across his face. “Well, in that case, I officially declare this to be our room.”

At this, Fawkes gave an outraged squawk. “ _You can’t serious! You can’t be thinking about staying down here! It’s absurd. Not only is it dark and dirty down here but what if something happens to you two_?”

Severus rolled his eyes. “First of all, bird, Gorgon and I are perfectly capable of looking out for ourselves. We’ve been doing it for years. Besides, as you said, nobody even knows these tunnels exist so I doubt we’ll ever run into anybody. And lastly, yes, it’s cold and dark, but that’s a cause for celebration, not complaint. All this room needs is some furnishing and some protective wards around it to keep rats and things out.”

Fawkes was giving both him and Gorgon irritated glances. Gorgon gave the phoenix a smug grin and then stuck his tongue out at him. Fawkes twittered and turned his back on Gorgon.

“ _Oh, you’re both horrid and impossible_.”

Severus crossed his arms and gave the phoenix a hard look. “Maybe we are, but that’s none of your concern. Now, you have to swear on your life you won’t tell the headmaster about this.”

Fawkes stared at him. “ _You seriously think that Albus won’t notice you’re not sleeping in the Slytherin dormitories_?”

“He won’t if I can help it. We’ll make sure nobody ever catches us sneaking down here, and besides, I want nothing to do with those other Slytherins who will be arriving in a few weeks and I trust they won’t want to have anything to do with me, so I doubt they’ll complain to the headmaster that I’m not sleeping in the same room as them.”

Fawkes stared at him for a long time and then glanced at Gorgon, who had crossed his arms and was also looking at the phoenix with raised eyebrows. Finally, Fawkes sighed.

“ _Alright, fine. I swear I won’t tell Albus but if you two are eaten by some horrid dark creatures in the middle of the night, don’t come crying to me about it. Now can we please get back to where civilized people live_?”

Severus and Gorgon both gave the bird approving smiles before they turned on their heels and obediently marched back down the corridor towards the chute.

Once they reached it, Severus frowned up it. “We won’t be able to crawl back up it. It’s too steep.” He muttered.

Fawkes sighed. “ _This is what you get for hurling yourself into situations without checking to make sure you have a way out. Oh, you’re impossible. There’s a brick beside the chute in the wall which is smaller than the rest. If you tap it, then rungs will spring out of the chute and you can climb up it_.”

Severus stepped around the chute and quickly found the right brick and pressed it. Immediately, the chute started shaking and old, rusty rungs rose out of the chute.

Gorgon grinned and gave the bird a low bow. “Master Fawkes has Gorgy’s eternal gratitude.” Then the elf leapt into the chute and quickly started scampering up the rungs.

Severus stuck his wand back into his robe and then muttered for Fawkes to hang on. Then he leapt into the chute and quickly climbed after his elf, leaving the tunnels behind them.

 

**Aug. 22nd, 1971**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Gorgon finished neatly hanging the mops into the cleaning supply closet and then hopped out of it while Severus gave the three eyed statue a nod and it winked back at him and swung shut.

Gorgon brushed off his pillow case and the glanced at his young master. “So what we do for rest of day?”

Severus yawned and shrugged. “I haven’t a clue, elf. Let’s just go to the library. There’s that Magical Medical Herb book you wanted to read, let’s go find it for tonight.”

Gorgon grinned and clapped his hands. Severus glared at him. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Clap your hands. You look like Gabrielle. It’s hard enough having one of her around.”

Gorgon scowled and waved that comment away. “Gabby very nice elf and Gorgy likes her.”

Just then, Fawkes apparated beside them and sniffed. “ _Of course he likes her, she’s the only one in the castle who seems to want to put her hands all over him. The constant public displays those two put on are horrendous_.”

Severus bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. Gorgon shot him a suspicious frown. The elf was eerily good at guessing when the phoenix was saying something to his young master and the elf normally always demanded to know what the bird had said. Gorgon continued staring at him, but then shook his head and forgot about it.

They slowly walked towards the Slytherin common room, quietly discussing if they should try those protection wards on their new room later on that day.

Fawkes gently landed on Severus’ shoulder and cleared his throat. Severus glanced at him with a frown. Birds weren’t supposed to clear their throats, telepathically or in any other way.

“ _If the two of you don’t have any definite plans for the rest of the day, Albus had a marvelous suggestion earlier today. He has to go to Diagon Alley to pick up a few things and he wanted to know if the two of you would like to come along_.”

Severus and Gorgon exchanged a frown and then glanced at the bird. “What’s Diagon Alley?”

Fawkes rolled his eyes. “ _Neither of you know what Diagon Alley is? For Merlin’s sake! I expect this question from muggle-borns, but wizarding children have already spent half their lives there by the time they’re your age_.”

Severus glared at him. “Well I’m sorry if my Father didn’t allow Gorgon and me to leave the manor in the entire ten years I was there for.” He spat.

Immediately, Fawkes dropped his head and sighed. “ _I’m terribly sorry, Severus. I simply meant it in jest. I didn’t think it through before I spoke. I apologize_.”

Severus shot him another dirty look but then sighed and forgave him. He glanced down at Gorgon.

“Well, elf, it appears we’re going to Diagon Alley.”

 

*             *             *

 

Half an hour later, the two of them were standing in front of the headmaster’s desk as he sifted through piles of parchment, quills and candy wrappers in order to find his shopping list.

As soon as they had walked in with Fawkes on Severus’ shoulder, he had given them all a big smile and conjured up a plateful of chocolate frogs.

Severus wandered over to the many books lining the headmaster’s shelves and curiously scanned the titles as he munched on a chocolate frog. Gorgon had right away scampered onto the visitors chair and was swinging his legs and humming to himself, loving his favourite seat in the castle.

“I know I put it around here somewhere, I mean, I wrote it last night at this very desk, didn’t I, Fawkes?”

“ _Yes, you did, Albus. I saw you_.”

“You see? Then I must just be going mad—oh, no! Here it is!” He triumphantly yanked a small piece of parchment out from under a bowl of lemon drops and stuffed it into his bright red cloak.

He smiled at Gorgon and Severus, who was still curiously looking at the books. “If I could tear you both away from those books and your favourite chair, my good sirs, then we can be on our way.”

Gorgon eagerly nodded and leapt off the chair. Running over to his young master, he muttered him in Elfish not to be rude and yanked on his robe to pull him over to the fireplace. Severus scowled at him for being pulled away from the books, but then dutifully stood beside the headmaster in front of the fireplace. He frowned, trying to guess why they were standing in front of the fireplace. He remembered reading in the history of Hogwarts book that no human could apparate into or our of Hogwarts—besides, he didn’t know how to apparate yet—so they must be going by floo powder. He bit his lip, slightly excited and slightly apprehensive. Neither he nor Gorgon had ever travelled by floo powder before. He glanced down at Gorgon, who was still holding onto his robe. His old elf gave him a reassuring smile, making Severus calm down slightly. If his elf wasn’t scared, there was no reason for him to be.

He saw the headmaster reaching into a small dish sitting on the mantle and curiously stepped a bit closer to see what was in it.

The headmaster turned his head and gave him a small smile as he withdrew a handful of emerald green powder from the dish.

Immediately, Severus’ face paled and he felt his heart dropping into his stomach. Eyes widening, he stumbled back from the headmaster. Gorgon frowned in confusion and quickly followed his young master, who was staring at the headmaster with wide, frightened eyes and had backed himself into the wall.

Dumbledore’s smile quickly vanished and he frowned in confusion, obviously not understanding how he had frightened the young child.

Severus felt himself hit the wall and he wildly glanced around himself to where the door was.

“We have to get out, Gorgon. Quickly. Pull out your wand.” He whispered down to his elf in Elfish, his voice shaking slightly.

Gorgon nearly looked sick with concern. “What’s wrong? What frightened young master? Why do we have to go?” he whispered back in Elfish.

Severus stared at him. “Didn’t you see, you stupid git? Didn’t you see what he pulled out of that dish? It’s Hell’s Breath, Gorgon. He’ll go mad, just like Father and we have to make a run for it before he corners us. You remember the old rules.” Severus was staring at his elf, confused and frustrated that his elf wasn’t yanking out his wand and charging towards the door.

Dumbledore was frowning as he listened to the child’s anxious whispering. Quickly, he understood what the problem was. Reaching up to the dish, he quickly put the innocent floo powder back and then took a step closer to Severus. Severus immediately yanked his wand out and pointed it at him.

“You take one step closer and you’ll regret it.” He hissed, shaking.

Gorgon was shaking his head. “No, no, no. Young master misunderstanding! That not Hell’s Breath. No Hell’s Breath in Hogwarts. No, no. That floo powder used to travel network. That powder innocent. Look the same but innocent.” He said, trying to explain it in careful English, thinking that the headmaster should know what the problem was. Of course neither of them knew that the headmaster had understood every word of the conversation.

Severus tore his eyes off the silent form of the headmaster long enough to glare suspiciously at his elf. “How the hell do you know that, elf? Has he muddled up that old mind of yours?” He hissed in Elfish.

Gorgon scowled. “Young master is speaking nonsense. Now, young master will lower his wand and listen to Gorgy. Headmaster won’t cause young master any harm.” He said in Elfish, knowing that using the old language always soothed his young master.

Severus slowly lowered his wand but he still narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the headmaster and then at his elf.

“You’re taking his side, Gorgon.”

Gorgon’s eyes widened and he gave a small gasp as if he had been punched. “Young master is speaking blasphemy!” he exclaimed. “Gorgy will never be on anybody’s side but young masters. I have sworn to protect and stay by young master’s side for the rest of young master’s life, and will do so always, and young master knows it.”

Severus lowered his eyes, some of his anger and fear gone. “I apologize, Gorgon. I never meant to question your loyalty. I know where it is and I know it’ll always be there.”

Gorgon nodded and stamped his foot, emphasizing the point. Then he threw a sideways look at the headmaster, who had remained silent for now, letting Gorgon handle the situation.

Dumbledore took a few cautious steps towards Severus. “Gorgon was right, my dear. That powder is innocent floo powder, nothing more. Although it might resemble Hell’s Breath in its color, their compositions and functions are completely different. Floo powder isn’t meant for consumption, it’s meant to open the floo network channels for us to travel through. That’s all. Now, if you’re going to go looking for Hell’s Breath in the castle and use it to prove that I’m some mad nutter whose been fooling you, you’ll be sorely disappointed, my dear. There are no drugs in this castle, nor will there ever be. Yes, from time to time, Kerabi cigarettes are smuggled in and of course, the occasional bottle of beer or what not makes its way to the front door, but the wards around this castle will rip them out of their owners luggage and smash and rip them all to dust particles as soon as they walk through the front door. So you don’t need to worry. Drugs have never and will never be a way of life here.”

Severus was staring at him. After he finished speaking, Severus glanced down at the ground and thought it over. Finally, he looked at Gorgon, who gave him a nod.

Severus sighed. “Alright. Fine. I don’t trust people easily, but in this case, I’ll have to. I’ll take your word for it that that green junk is harmless.”

Dumbledore nodded and gave him a big smile before turning back to the dish. When he took out a handful he gently held it out for Severus to see.

Although his first reaction had been to flinch away from it, he quickly swallowed his fear and edged closer, curiously examining it. He frowned. “The grains are cubical and not spherical and it looks more clumpy than Hell’s Breath.” He determined after a moment.

Dumbledore smiled and nodded. “You see, my dear? The only thing they have in common is the color. Now, if you will step up beside me, and Gorgon, if you would peek around the side of that robe and pay attention, there’s something I think both of you should know. I speak Elfish fluently.” He said.

Both of them gaped at him and then exchanged wide eyed looks, clearly not having expected this. Gorgon sighed softly and muttered “Grindelwald” under his breath. Severus was staring at him.

“You can speak Elfish, headmaster?”

“Yes, I can.” The headmaster responded in Elfish. Severus’ eyes widened and he looked a bit wary.

“So you don’t mind if Gorgon and I speak Elfish?” He asked in Elfish.

The headmaster chuckled softly. “Not at all, my dear. It’s a wonderful language and I’m afraid too few people know it. It’s a shame, really.”

Severus stared at him, amazed to be having a conversation in Elfish with another wizard. While he was gaping and Gorgon was staring, the headmaster chuckled softly and declared that they should be on their way.

While he pulled his cloak on straight, Fawkes flew through the office and gently landed on Dumbledore’s shoulder.

“Now, I’ll simply throw this powder into the fire and then you’ll step into it and clearly say Diagon Alley together and then you’ll hopefully stumble out onto the main boulevard.”

With a flick of his wrist, he threw the powder into the fire. Immediately, the fire turned green and Severus took a step back, his eyes widening. The fire was the same color of the fire his Father always swallowed after rubbing the green crystals between his fingers until they erupted into flames. He stared at the fire with wide eyes until he felt Gorgon lightly tug on his robe. He glanced down and was met by his elf’s reassuring smile. Then he saw the headmaster kindly smiling at him out of the corner of his eye.

Telling himself not to be ridiculous, he clenched his jaw and then stepped into the fire, Gorgon at his heels.

Together, they cried out “Diagon Alley!” and suddenly, the fire started madly spinning around them. Severus felt Gorgon grabbing onto his legs and he grabbed his elf’s shoulders as they went spiralling around.

Suddenly, the green fire around them started slowing down and fading away until Severus felt his feet his something solid. Immediately, that familiar blinding bright light hit him in the face and his eyes stung madly. Stumbling slightly, he fell out of a large fireplace and landed with a thud on white pavement. His eyes were clenched shut and he slowly forced them open, forcing that bright torturous light to seep into them. He couldn’t put into words how much he hated the sun.

Right away, he heard concerned voices asking if he was alright. He was about to mutter that he was fine when he felt a hand on his back. Right away, he flinched and jerked away from that hand, hissing at it not to touch him. Yanking his wand out he rolled away from the hand and pointed his wand at the owner of the hand.

An old woman quickly stood up and held up her hands, her eyes wide. “Merlin! I was only trying to help! I meant no harm.”

Severus didn’t respond but just lay on the pavement, glaring at her, his wand pointing at her. If she would take another step towards him or try to touch him again, he’d burn her hands off.

Gorgon was protectively crouching behind his young master, glaring at the woman and hissing elf curses at her. The elf had been about to yank out his wand, but then he remembered that he wasn’t allowed to wave his wand around in public.

Moments later, a shadow fell across them and a familiar voice drifted down to them.

“Ah, well, I see we arrived in one piece. Good morning, Mrs. Martin, it’s delightful to see you. Yes, both of them are with me. No, they’re not quite sociable fellows but I wouldn’t take offense by it. Yes, I bid you good day.” Reaching down he gently helped Severus up.

Severus was still breathing hard and glared after the woman, who was walking away, sighing and shaking her head. He glanced at the headmaster while Gorgon busily brushed the soot off both of them.

“There was no need to pull a wand on her like that. You frightened her quite badly.”

“Well there was no need for her to touch me like that. How was I supposed to know that she wanted to help me?” he muttered in his defense.

Dumbledore sighed and then straightened up. “Alright then. We’ll discuss this when we get home. Come along now, there is lots to see here.”

Still blinking and glaring around at the brightness, Severus hurried after the headmaster with Gorgon hanging onto his robe. The headmaster was an easy person to follow in a crowd. His bright red robes swirled around him and Fawkes’ shining red and gold feathers glimmered in the light and made them both impossible to miss.

At first, Severus hardly watched where they were going. He was too busy glaring and staring at the many people hurrying past him, yelling to each other and laughing and smiling all over the place. Quite a few of them brushed past him and he flinched away from them, scowling after them. Many of them stopped to yell a greeting to the headmaster or shake his hand and all of them smiled brightly at Severus and gave him a nod. Severus scowled back at them. There were too many of them and he didn’t trust any of them.

They had only been walking for a few minutes before Severus was shaking and biting his lip, forcing himself not to run away. Gorgon was busy glaring at anybody who came near them and snarled at people who innocently smiled at them.

Sensing the shaking, frightened figure beside him, Dumbledore quickly came to a stop. He crouched down. “My dear, are you alright?” he asked quietly.

Severus didn’t look at him and glared at the ground, ashamed that he was so scared and nobody else around him seemed to be.

Gorgon stepped up beside him. “Gorgy knows what’s wrong, young master but Gorgy can’t make people go away. Young master should tell headmaster what’s wrong. He can help.” Gorgon whispered up to him in Elfish. Severus glanced at his elf before drawing in a deep breath.

“There are too many people and it’s too bright and they’re all brushing up against me and smiling and they terrify me.”

Dumbledore nodded slowly. “You’re afraid they’ll hurt you, aren’t you?” he asked softly in Elfish so that no passerby’s could overhear. Severus mutely nodded, his eyes still glued to the pavement.

Dumbledore gently reached over and tilted the pale child’s chin up until Severus was looking at him.

“There’s no reason to feel ashamed, my dear, just because you’re frightened. If anybody else on this street had lived through what you had lived through, they’d be frightened too. But believe me, not everybody is that evil. Many of these people around here don’t even know such evil exists. That’s why they smile so innocently. I’m not saying you have to trust them, but at least, give them a chance. Until they give you a reason to be suspicious and scared of them, just try to think of them as innocent, friendly people. Can you do that for me?”

Severus bit his lip and shrugged. “I don’t know, headmaster. It’s hard to trust strangers. I’ve never done it before.” He said in Elfish.

Dumbledore smiled at him kindly. “Well, there’s a first time for everything, and just remember, I’m right here beside you and Gorgon is on your other side.” He reassured him in gentle Elfish.

Severus nodded, feeling slightly better. He glanced down and gave Gorgon a small smile. The concern evaporated from the old elf’s eyes and he nodded, his hand still entangled in his young master’s robe.

As Severus took a deep breath and got ready to start walking again, he suddenly heard small flutter of wings, and moments later, a familiar weight landed on his shoulder. He glanced at the phoenix and gave him a tiny smile. Fawkes gently stroked his hair with his beak.

Then the headmaster put a light, reassuring hand on his back and they started walking again. Suddenly, the light didn’t seem as brutal anymore and the many people around him didn’t seem as bad. He still thought all of their smiles were fake and they were just waiting to get close enough to hurt him, but he didn’t believe that they would dare touch him while the headmaster was around.

First they walked to a large store which had a large assortment of nauseatingly colored robes hanging in the display window. The sign on the door said this was Madame Malkin’s Robes for All Occasions.

The headmaster pushed open the door and walked inside, motioning Severus inside as well.

“Come in, my dear, come in. I want you to meet Madame Malkin. Ah! There she is now!” Dumbledore raised an arm and waved to a small woman walking towards them from among aisles clogged with robes and boxes. She was wearing elegant black robes and had small dark blue butterflies flying around and through her pinned up hair.

“Ah, Albus! Delightful to see you. Your new robe got in just yesterday and your hat’s been here for about five days. I was going to owl you tonight and tell you.” She gave Albus a big smile while she flicked her wand at a closed box on the floor. The box sprang open and robes started flying out of it and draping themselves onto different piles of colors and sizes.

Dumbledore glanced around. “Fall fashions just come in I suppose?”

She nodded. “That and getting ready for school. The new school robes just came in this morning. Really. They’re getting delivered later and later every year. I don’t understand how they expect me to have everything sorted out in time for September.”

Dumbledore chuckled. “If I know you, everything will be ready within two days, never mind September.”

She laughed and flicked her wand at a pile of dark green robes, which lifted off the ground and neatly sprang onto hangers and hung themselves onto a nearby bar.

Then Madame Malkin noticed Severus. She gave him a big smile. Severus immediately shrank a bit behind the headmaster.

“And this must be Severus. Ah, he’s a little shy one, isn’t he?”

Dumbledore smiled. “Yes, this is Severus. He’s not very used to the atmosphere around here.”

Madame Malkin gave him another smile and winked at him. “Well, he’ll get used to it soon enough. How are you, my lovely?”

Severus didn’t answer her, despite hearing Gorgon’s hushed whispers that he was being rude.

The small woman’s smile didn’t fade when he didn’t answer but she took a few steps back.

“Alright, not much of a talker, are we? That’s alright. I get a lot of those in here. All you have to do is nod or shake your head. Are you here to get a new school robe?”

Severus frowned and glanced at the headmaster. He didn’t need a new robe and he didn’t have any money to buy a new one.

Dumbledore smiled down at him and then nodded to Madame Malkin. “Yes, he is.”

Severus frowned. “But headmaster, this robe is still fine. It’s little frayed on the bottom, but Gorgon always says the best one are. It’s still good. Besides, I don’t have any money to buy new robes.”

Dumbledore chuckled and briefly gave Gorgon an amused look before looking at Severus again.

“Severus, I know the robe is still in one piece, but that’s no reason not to get a few more. That way you don’t have to wear the same one day after day and they don’t have to have frayed bottoms. And you don’t have to worry about the money. As your legal guardian, there are some things that are my responsibility.” He had added the last two sentences in Elfish so Severus wouldn’t be embarrassed.

Severus stared at him. Nobody had ever bought him anything before. Dumbledore gave him another smile before looking around himself.

“Well, I’ll leave Madame Malkin to do her measuring and hemming and I’ll go try on my new robe and hat.”

After he swept down the aisle and disappeared, Severus was left with Fawkes on his shoulder and Gorgon by his side. Madame Malkin gave him a smile as she pulled out a measuring tape.

“Now, this won’t hurt a bit. It’ll simply take all the measurements I need.”

While she was speaking, Fawkes had gently hopped off his shoulder and settled on a box beside Severus and Gorgon had sat down beside the bird.

For the next half an hour, Madam Malkin measured every inch on Severus and then summoned half a dozen black robes for him to try on. Each time he put one on, Fawkes and Gorgon would both frown and mutter to themselves before deciding whether he should get it or not. The approved ones were quickly hemmed and pinned up by Madame Malkin, who later summoned up a needle and thread and the robe sewed itself to perfection until it fit Severus as if he had been born into it.

Finally, he was allowed to change back into his old robe and he carefully draped his new robes over his arm as he wandered through the aisles, looking for the headmaster.

He found him standing in front of a tall mirror, a bright pink hat in one hand and a lime green one with red owls in the other one. He was busy taking turns putting them each on his head and frowning at his reflection. When he caught sight of Severus standing behind him, he smiled.

“Ah, there you three are. Now, you must help me. Which one do you like better? I simply can’t decide.”

Severus stared at him for a moment, wanting to tell him they were both atrocious, but then he didn’t want to hurt the headmaster’s feelings. Turning to Gorgon and Fawkes, the three of them quietly debated the pros and cons of both hats, until they settled on the green one. Severus and Gorgon had both agreed that it hurt their eyes less than the pink one and Fawkes had liked the owls on it.

“I think the green one would suit you better, sir.”

Dumbledore nodded and right away, put the green one onto his head and sent the pink one flying back to its shelf.

“Well now that that’s been decided, we can be on our way.”

With his cloak billowing around him, the headmaster turned on his heel and marched towards the front counter, smiling with satisfaction.

 

*             *             *

 

An hour later, Severus and Gorgon had both decided that if the headmaster would ever kick them out of Hogwarts, they would come and live in Diagon Alley.

The headmaster had shown them Gringott’s Bank and even let them peek inside to take a look at the enormous marble foyer with the golden gated teller booths behind which grumpy, expensively dressed Goblins sat.

Then they had gone to see Flourish and Botts, the book shop. Right away, Severus and Gorgon had run down all the aisles, eyes shining at all the different books that they found. They had even found the stairs leading downstairs to where the dark books were kept and they gazed longingly at all the old, frayed books that lined the shelves or were chained to the wall. After Dumbledore had brought Severus his first year textbooks—which Severus wrinkled his nose at and declared they were too easy—the headmaster had to climb down the rickety old stairs to drag Severus and Gorgon back upstairs. Fawkes had loudly sighed and wanted to know why in the name of Merlin anybody would want to be around these dirty books which snapped and screamed at people. Right away, Severus and Gorgon didn’t want to leave and they both glared at the phoenix and the old wizard. Sensing a brewing temper tantrum, Dumbledore laughed and told him that he and Gorgon were both allowed to choose a book to take home. Right away, they had both started back for the stairs, but Dumbledore had firmly told them the book had to be from upstairs. Their faces had fallen slightly, but then they quickly ran down the aisles, yelling to each other and scowling when they couldn’t pick what they wanted. Finally, they had a small pile of books and muttered and scowled to each other until they had finally picked two. They carefully carried them to Dumbledore, who paid for them and handed them back to their respective owners, who grabbed them and carefully hid them under their clothes. Dumbledore and Fawkes both chuckled softly and then walked out the door ahead of them.

Their next stop had been the Apothecary. Just like in the book shop, Severus and Gorgon’s eyes nearly fell out when they stepped inside. Dozens of aisles and hundreds of shelves densely clogged the shop, all of them crammed full of thousands of different bottles of different liquids and preserved animal parts. Large buckets lay along the bottom rows full of beetle eyes, newts, rat tails and dozens of other things. Large spools of unicorn hair and swamp grass hung from the back wall.

While Dumbledore handed Mr. Jiggers the list Professor Bodin had given him and told him that he needed a supply of first year items for Severus, Severus and Gorgon were running through the aisles, shrieking and yelling to each when they found something they recognized. Fawkes flew along with them, reprimanding Severus from time to time not to touch something and marvelling over the fact that a ten year old child knew what half of the things in the store were used for.

When the headmaster was ready to go, he was again met by two scowling faces, but told them that they were going to go buy chocolate frogs and then visit the Menagerie, so they both sighed and willingly followed him out.

Ten minutes later, they had left the candy store with bagfuls of candy and chocolate frogs to take home for the house elves and for any visitors to the headmaster’s office.

Severus slowly walked down the street, munching on a chocolate frog and carefully checking that his book ‘Little Known Magical Creatures’ was safely tucked away. Gorgon was trotting beside him, sucking on his own chocolate frog.

Dumbledore was walking beside them, smiling at them from time to time. Fawkes was sitting on Severus’ shoulder and from time to time, Severus would lift up his chocolate frog and the phoenix would take a tiny nibble.

Finally, Dumbledore came to a stop before a large store. “May I present: the Magical Menagerie.”

They all walked in and Dumbledore waved to the cashier and said they were just here to look around.

Severus and Gorgon immediately started walking down the aisles, staring at the many cages and bins filled with beautifully colored birds, soft furred rats and mice, sullen looking frogs, coiled up snakes and tiny mewling kittens. An entire wall was filled with small cubby holes in which owls of all sizes and colored sat, some as small as Severus’ hand and some large enough to be mistaken for hawks. Some of them were sleeping but some lazily opened their eyes and silently stared at him.

Severus curiously frowned around himself, never having seen this many animals before in his life.

Fawkes had grown terribly agitated with a lime green colored parrot, which was fluttering its wings and showing off. The parrot had apparently sniffed at Fawkes and the phoenix retaliated by hissing at it.

Severus frowned at the parrot and then glanced at Fawkes. “Ignore it, Fawkes. It’s just an ugly parrot. Besides, you’re not the one sitting in a smelly cage.” Throwing the parrot a sneer, Severus turned and swept down the aisle, Fawkes chuckling on his shoulder.

As Severus rounded the last corner in the store, he frowned and looked around himself. He glanced at Gorgon, who was busy waving to a bunch of playful kittens who were jumping at the glass window separating them.

“Gorgon? Where do they keep the muggles?” he asked, thoroughly confused.

Fawkes’ eyes widened and the phoenix nearly fell off his shoulders and Gorgon had spun around and clutched his head with his hands.

“Oh, no, young master. No, no, no. Terribly confused. Terribly.”

Severus frowned down at him. When the elf simply kept shaking his head, Severus sighed.

“Well, fine then. I’ll just go ask the headmaster.” Ignoring Gorgon’s urgent hisses that he should come back and the quiet urging in his head by Fawkes that he please slow down and let him explain, Severus walked up to the headmaster, who was in the middle of a lengthy conversation with an old frog.

“Headmaster?”

Dumbledore held up a finger to the frog. “Excuse me for a moment, good sir.” He straightened up and smiled down at Severus. “Yes, my dear?”

“I don’t see where they keep the muggles that they sell. And don’t tell me they’re around some random corner in here. I’ve checked all the cages and bins and I can’t find them. Do they keep them in a back room somewhere or are they all sold out?”

Gorgon wrung his hands and muttered “Grindelwald” at the ceiling in despair and hid his face behind his hands and Fawkes swayed slightly on Severus’ shoulder, too stunned to say anything.

Dumbledore blinked a few times and calmly stared down at the child who was patiently waiting for an answer.

Casually, Dumbledore glanced around and was relieved to see that the cashier hadn’t overheard the question.

Clearing his throat, he looked down at Severus. “They don’t sell muggles here, Severus. In fact, nobody sells muggles anywhere. They’re people and they aren’t for sale.” He calmly explained in Elfish, just in case there were some curious eavesdroppers near by.

Severus frowned, not understanding. “So you mean my Father got them all for free?”

Dumbledore blinked a few times and reached out to steady Fawkes, who had nearly stumbled off.

“No, my dear. Nobody gets muggles for free or when they pay money for them. Muggles are people just like you and me.”

Severus wrinkled his nose. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, headmaster. Muggles are dirty and stupid and the only thing they’re good for is serving us.” He said in Elfish, nearly laughing because the headmaster had made such a dumb mistake.

The headmaster sighed sadly, once again trying to fight what a mad man had spent ten years stuffing into his son’s head.

“No, Severus. That’s not what muggles are there for. Muggles are people, just like us. The only difference between us and them is that they don’t have any magical abilities.”

Severus stared at him and slowly shook his head. “No, no, no. You don’t seem to understand, headmaster. You have it all wrong.”

Dumbledore sadly stared down at the ten year old, his heart aching. Obviously, talking wasn’t doing any good. He exchanged a helpless look with Fawkes, who merely blinked back at him, just as lost as he was. Gorgon had raised his head and shrugged helplessly at him.

Sighing softly, Dumbledore mustered up a small smile. “Well, we should be on our way. It’s getting late. We’ll discuss this when we get back home.”

Severus frowned. “What’s there to discuss, sir? I don’t understand.”

Dumbledore sighed sadly. “Of course you don’t, child, but I hope to Merlin that one day you will.”

 

*             *             *

 

That evening, Dumbledore and Fawkes spent an hour discussing how they should handle the situation. Obviously, talking had proved to be pointless so they needed some other way to prove their point that muggles deserved the same rights that wizards had. There weren’t any muggles close to the school who they could use as a demonstration, and besides, they were both afraid of what Severus would do if he was faced with a muggle.

It was only when Professor Sprout had appeared and asked if she should keep last years NEWT essays, that Dumbledore stumbled upon an idea. He had given the shocked Pomona an enormous smile and promptly dismissed her, after completely forgetting to answer her question.

Then he had called Severus up to his office.

Dumbledore smiled when he saw Severus walking inside by himself. “Left Gorgon alone, have you?”

Severus shrugged. “We were reading and somebody needed to stay and mark our page.” The words that Severus felt safe enough to walk around the school by himself now remained unsaid.

Dumbledore gestured for him to sit down and then leaned over his desk. “Well, my dear, this shouldn’t take long. I was thinking about what we were discussing in the Menagerie, and I don’t think we’ve reached an agreement. Now, I hate leaving arguments in the air, but unfortunately, I’m too busy to continue arguing this, so I have had a brilliant idea. You’ll do both of our arguing for us.”

Severus frowned and shifted around in his chair, not understanding. “I don’t understand, sir.”

Dumbledore smiled. “It’s really quite simple. You’ll write me two essays. In one of them, you’ll argue that muggles are filth and stupid and only exist to do our bidding. And in the other essay, you’ll argue that muggles are people just like you and me and deserve the same rights we do.”

Severus frowned. “How am I supposed to argue for something I don’t agree with? I wouldn’t know what to say.”

Dumbledore smiled. “That’s what the library is for. Many people have had many different opinions on this very issue for hundreds of years and some of those people have written their opinions down and argued for and against them. You’ll just have to find those books and read what those people had to say and then use them in your essay as your argument.”

Severus bit his lip and thought this over. It didn’t sound too terribly hard. He shrugged. “Alright. I’ll do it. By when do you want the papers?”

Dumbledore smiled, pleased that his idea had been met by so little resistance. “By the end of the week should be fine. Just drop by and leave the rolls of parchment on my desk for me when they’re done. Take your time with them, Severus, I want these thoroughly researched, both of them.”

Severus nodded. “Alright, sir. I’ll do my best.”

Dumbledore nodded. “I have no doubt about that.” Then he bid him good night and dismissed him.

Watching the ten year old sweeping out of the room, Dumbledore exchanged quiet smiles with Fawkes, both of them praying that their idea would work.

 

**Aug. 28th, 1971**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus and Gorgon both smiled with satisfaction as they stared around their finished room. They had spent many weeks cleaning the tunnel and the small room and furnishing it until it was perfect. The weeks they had spent cleaning and scrubbing the castle had served them well. They had snuck the cleaning supplies down the chute with them and scrubbed the chute, the tunnel and the small room out, getting rid of spider webs and small dark creatures along the way. Then they had cast protective charms around the room, ensuring that nothing could crawl inside while they were out.

Then they had come to the most difficult part. The chute was too narrow to summon a bed and other furniture directly to them, so they had to sneak them in some other way. They had discovered that the chute closest to their own led to the kitchen and this one was shorter and flatter than the other ones. They had summoned a bed from the storage room, a table from an old classroom, and pieces of wood they could turn into bookshelves from the woodpile Hagrid had made outside. After dragging everything into the kitchen in the middle of the night when all the elves were asleep, they yanked and pushed everything down the chute and levitated the pile and hauled it into their room. While Gorgon had run around finding spare blankets, a rug for the stone cold floor, pillows and Severus’ school supplies, Severus had hammered up the pieces of wood to make book shelves all around the small room. A few weeks ago, they had helped Professor Sprout hammer some shelves into her storage shed and Severus used his skills to help him here. After going up to the library and stealing their books back and putting them on the shelves and putting everything in its right place, they were finally finished.

When Gorgon had quietly asked his young master if he felt safe enough to sleep on the bed, Severus’ first instinct had been to say no. He hadn’t slept in a bed for years and still didn’t trust them. But after he carefully thought it over and discussed it with his elf, he realized that nobody would be able to get into their room—asides from elves, but he wasn’t worried about them since none of the Hogwarts elves were mad—since nobody knew where it was. And besides, Severus had made sure that there weren’t any bedposts on the bed so if somebody did get in and try to tie him down, they’d be at a disadvantage and Severus would have enough time to attack them and get away. After thinking about that, Severus decided that he wouldn’t mind sleeping on a bed again, and after Gorgon promised to sleep on it too, Severus actually found himself looking forward to sleeping on a soft bed again.

Gorgon crossed his arms and nodded. “Place perfect now. Even light bulb works and door locks from inside and outside.”

Severus nodded. “And just in time. School’s going to start on the third.” He frowned. “We’ll stay in the Slytherin dormitories until school starts and then we’ll come down here. The headmaster would figure out where we were if he came to check on us in the middle of the night, but I doubt he’ll check on us once school starts.”

Gorgon nodded. “Good thinking, young master. Now, we go upstairs and start second essay.”

Severus sighed. “That bloody essay can go to hell, Gorgon.”

They had sat down together the day after Dumbledore had assigned Severus the essays and had easily written a roll of parchment on why muggles were stupid and worthless. Including examples of the muggles from the dungeon and the things his Father had said, the essay turned out to be quite long and Severus couldn’t help but feel proud of it. Gorgon had sat down with a book on grammar and spelling and had thoroughly checked the essay and corrected it. After carefully writing a good copy, both of them couldn’t help but feel proud of it. But now they still had the other essay to write. The one Severus didn’t have a single idea for.

Severus scowled down at his elf as he grabbed a roll of parchment and a quill from his desk and headed towards the door. “Why can’t you write it for me? You were the one always jabbering on and on about how muggles were innocents. You know more about this than I do.”

Gorgon smiled as he followed his young master out of the room. Severus turned around and raised the wards around it and then headed towards the chute.

“That is reason headmaster wants young master to write it. Gorgy already knows answer to question, but young master must find out for himself.”

Severus glared at him as he pushed the brick and watched the rungs rising from the metal chute.

“Have I mentioned I hate you, elf?”

Gorgon chuckled good naturedly and scampered up the chute. “Many times, young master, many times.”

 

*             *             *

 

Severus swore under his breath and slammed another book onto an enormous pile. He and Gorgon were sitting on the floor of the library, surrounded by piles of books. Madame Pince had offered to help them find books, but Severus had dismissed her offer since he and Gorgon knew the library nearly as well as she did by now.

She had blinked at him, not used to this rudeness from someone so young. She had raised her eyebrows and gone back to reading, warily keeping an eye on the two.

She had quietly sat by as they had scrambled all over the library, yanking out books from here and there and levitating the piles onto a nearby table. When the table had been covered by books, they had transferred everything onto the floor. For the past two hours, the two of them had been pouring over books, their noses only inches away from the paper and deep frowns creasing their foreheads.

From time to time, one of them would grin and grab the parchment and quill and scribble something down and then throw the book onto the pile and grab another one.

Severus picked up another book and opened it. Leafing through it, he finally found the page he wanted and stuck his nose into it, carefully reading. After a moment, he scowled and looked up, darkly glaring at his elf.

“Gorgon, these people are all stupid and deranged.”

His elf bit back a smile. “Why does young master say that?”

Severus rolled his eyes and stabbed a finger at the book in his lap. “They’re all yelling about how muggles should be our friends and how we should respect them. Take this idiot for example. He wants to find a way to integrate muggles into our society.”

Gorgon quietly looked at his young master. “Does author say why he thinks this is alright?”

Severus narrowed his eyes before going back to reading. Skimming the page, he finally looked up.

“The idiot says it’s because muggles are just as intelligent as we are. He gives some stupid examples on the fact that muggles were inventing machinery while wizards were still playing around with their basic powers. He says that wizards had never stretched their creative minds because we could use magic for everything and muggles had to find creative substitutes to accomplish those things we did by magic.” Severus shook his head, frowning. “This man is insane.” He muttered, grabbing the parchment and quill to write it down.

Gorgon opened his mouth but then thought it over and shut it again.

Severus slammed the book into a pile behind him and reached for another one. He glanced at the cover and then smiled. “Gorgon! Look! This book was written by Rugeraty. She’s the one who wrote those books on magical transportation methods.”

Gorgon nodded, remembering.

Severus opened the book and started reading. If he was hoping that Rugeraty would heartily agree with his Father’s views on muggles, he was sorely disappointed.

He recoiled from the book and glared at it. “Elf, Rugeraty is just as mad as the others. She says muggles should be respected and shouldn’t be harmed because they’re innocents and have no part in our world. She says they had their own world and they don’t interfere in ours.”

Severus narrowed his eyes and then slumped against the bookshelf behind him and sighed, thoughtfully chewing on his lower lip. “Elf, I’m starting to suspect that maybe Father was wrong. I mean, look at all these books here. We can’t assume they were all written by deranged, stupid people. We both know Rugeraty isn’t deranged and she’s quite intelligent and wrote fascinating books, so I doubt she’s wrong about this. But that means Father was wrong.”

Gorgon bit back a triumphant smile and nodded slowly, careful not to seem too thrilled.

“Yes, young master, that possibility. Young master right. Either all these people right or master was right. Can’t have both, but Gorgy thinking that all these powerful and brilliant wizards and witches couldn’t be wrong, hmm?”

Severus bit his lip and mulled this over. Finally, he shook his head. “This is so confusing, elf. Come on, let’s go start putting books back. I think we have enough here for that essay.”

Gorgon nodded and leapt up, levitating a pile of books to take back. Along the way, he passed by a brilliant flash of silver light and found Fawkes gliding along beside him.

Gorgon grinned at the bird. “Headmaster’s idea working, Master Fawkes. Slowly but surely.”

 

*             *             *

 

That evening, Severus climbed up the stairs to the headmaster’s office, two rolls of parchment clutched in his hands. Marching into the office unannounced, he gently put the rolls onto the headmaster’s desk, who smiled at him.

“Well, well, are these what I think they are?”

Severus nodded. “Yes, they are, sir.”

“Did you have any trouble finding information?”

Severus shrugged. “The first one was easy but for the second one we had to dig through half the books in the library and then we went down to the kitchen and asked the elves and even Professor McGonagall what they all thought about muggles. I put it all into the essay.”

Dumbledore smiled at him. “Excellent. Did you learn anything useful?”

Severus tilted his head and thought it over. “Well, I disagreed with some things the authors said, but there was something Rugeraty and Professor McGonagall said that I sort of agree with. They said that muggles are innocents who aren’t part of our world so we should respect them and leave them alone. They don’t bother us so we shouldn’t bother them.”

Dumbledore smiled. “Your Father wouldn’t have agreed with that, would he?”

Severus gave him a horrified look. “Oh, no, sir. He’d have punished me severely just for saying it. But you know, I’m starting to suspect Father was wrong about a lot of things. Like this, for example. I mean, Rugeraty and Professor McGonagall aren’t stupid or insane. So I think I agree with them more, sir.”

The headmaster’s eyes twinkled at him.

Severus cleared his throat. “Well, I should get down to bed, sir. Good night.”

“Good night, my dear. Sleep well.”

Severus nodded and then turned on his heel and marched back out of the office, Dumbledore’s twinkling eyes following him out.

 

**Sept. 3rd, 1971**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Dumbledore slowly walked down the corridor, listening to the silence of the school around him. Just an hour ago, children had been running up and down the corridors, embracing, laughing and yelling to each other. Luggage and cages filled with squawking animals and books had been hauled up and down the stairs and prefects had hollered at the top of their lungs for the first years not to get lost on their way to the dormitories.

The Feast had been completely uneventful. The first years had been successfully sorted. There had been a few surprises. Sandra Cohen, a quiet, studious girl had been put into Hufflepuff instead of Ravenclaw and Sirius Black, a dark haired boy with an impish smile and mischievious eyes had been the first of his family in nine generations to be sorted into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. Well, Dumbledore had always trusted the hat’s judgement and wouldn’t start questioning it now.

There had only been one person missing from the feast. That same person who had politely but firmly refused his offer earlier that day to ride in the boats with the rest of the first years. The headmaster had hoped that his darkling child would summon up the courage to come down to the feast and sit with the other Slytherins, but he hadn’t seen him. Professor McGonagall had quietly remarked on it and then Professor Flitwick had quietly chuckled about it and said that he wasn’t really surprised by it.

Dumbledore had waited until all of the children had run off to bed and the school had fallen into silence. He had sent Gabby down to the Slytherin dormitories and she had quickly reported that Severus wasn’t there and Gorgon was nowhere to be found either, so the headmaster told Fawkes to keep an eye on his office and then started wandering around the school.

After checking the kitchen and the Great Hall, the headmaster right away headed for the library.

As he neared it, he heard the sound of two people arguing with each other. He smiled. He had found his darkling child.

He quietly opened the library doors and stepped inside. Immediately, he yanked his head down to avoid being hit in the head by a book which was flying past him.

Slowly straightening up, the headmaster frowned and stared around himself. Nearly all the shelves in the library had been emptied and books were lying in enormous stacks and piles on the tables, chairs and the floor. Hundreds of books were flying through the air, arranging themselves on shelves or flying from one stack to the other.

After the headmaster ducked out of the path of a large potions textbook and then nearly stumbled over a stack of magical creature books which were slowly hopping across the floor, he decided he had had enough of this warzone and was too old to dodge among books.

Pulling out his wand, he gently waved it around himself and asked the books around him if they could hold on for a moment.

Instantly, the books froze. Some hung midair, their fluttering pages frozen and the books hopping around the floor also stopped moving.

The headmaster sighed quietly and then curiously stepped around the tall piles and the frozen books hanging in midair.

It was only after he had come half way across the library that he found who he was looking for. Severus was standing perched on a tall ladder, his wand in one hand and his other hand clutching the ladder. Gorgon was standing on a nearby table, his wand also out.

Severus had been in the middle of asking Gorgon to send that pile by his left foot towards him, when suddenly, everything stopped. Severus and Gorgon stared at each other, frowning in confusion.

“I’m terribly sorry for the interuption, but I find I’m too old to dodge flying books at this time of night.” The headmaster called over to them, waving aside a pile of books which hung in midair.

Severus frowned at him. “We’re quite busy at the moment, headmaster.” He called down to him.

Dumbledore looked around himself and frowned, wondering where Madame Pince was.

“I can see that, my dear, but I’m wondering where you’ve hidden Madame Pince and whether she knows about what you’re doing to her library.”

Severus nodded his chin towards the librarian’s desk. “She’s behind her desk. She’s stunned.” He said, as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. Without another word, he turned back to the shelf and frowned at the books.

The headmaster quickly walked over to the front desk and peeked over it to see the librarian’s limp form lying on the floor. Somebody had put a pillow under her head and she appeared quite comfortable as she lay there, staring at the ceiling.

Dumbledore’s eyebrows rose as he he turned back to the small figure standing on the ladder.

“Why did you stun her, Severus?”

Severus frowned. “Because she refused to understand why this library needed reorganizing. She said that the library was fine and that the books were arranged in a perfectly suitable manner. I didn’t agree with her so I stunned her.”

The headmaster blinked. “Wasn’t that a bit rude?”

“No. It would have been rude to levitate her and throw her out of the library, but I didn’t want to do that and Gorgon said it would have been horribly impolite since Madame Pince offered to help us find books the other day. So I simply stunned her. Don’t worry, headmaster, I’ll ennervate her when we’re done here.”

Dumbledore sighed. “My dear, it’s unacceptable to stun people if they don’t like what you’re doing.”

Severus frowned. “Well what else am I supposed to do? I can’t do the killing curse on people yet.”

Dumbledore shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. I meant that it’s inappropriate to force your opinion onto someone if it isn’t your place to do so. This library is Madame Pince’s domain and if she said she didn’t want it rearranged, then that’s what would have happened. You had no right to stun her and dismiss her opinions. This is her library and her opinions are the only ones which matter.”

Severus frowned. “But I didn’t like her opinion. This library was a disorganized mess and nobody could find anything. It was unproductive and I was merely trying to help.”

“Offering your help is one thing, but when you force that help onto someone, it stops being help and starts being a crime. Please try to remember that.”

Severus exchanged a glance at Gorgon, who was smiling and nodding. Severus sighed. “Fine. I promise I won’t stun people anymore unless they’re threatening me and I promise I won’t force people to accept my help, even if they’re stupid gits for refusing it.”

The headmaster smiled. “Very good. Now, before I leave you two to finish here, I’d like to know why you weren’t at the feast. You missed dinner and we missed you there.”

Severus frowned. “Nobody missed me there, headmaster, except for possibly yourself. Besides, I was sure you would have enough people there to entertain you so I didn’t feel the need to go. Missing dinner isn’t a problem. Mixie is saving me some and Gorgon and I will go down to the kitchen and eat something. The elves never mind. We know how to wash our dishes and put them all away. And lastly, I had no desire to sit with a bunch of children.”

Dumbledore sighed. “My dear, whether you like it or not, you will be spending the next seven years with those children. You’re going to have to socialize with them at one point or another.”

Severus lifted his chin stubbornly, making quite a comic sight as he stood on the tall ladder. “Until that time comes, I’ll do my upmost best to avoid them, but thank you for the offer, headmaster.”

“Having human friends your own age won’t kill you.”

Severus’ eyes narrowed. “I don’t like humans, headmaster, except for you and Professor McGonagall. And I’ve gotten along without friends my own age all my life and I fail to see why I need them now. Now, if you don’t mind, could you unfreeze the books and let Gorgon and I finish? We’re nearly done the history section.”

The headmaster gave him a long look, but when Severus merely stared at him stubbornly, the headmaster sighed softly and bid them good night and told them not to stay up too long. Walking out of the library, he waved a wand behind him and listened to the sounds of the books continuing their flight across the library and to the chattering voices of a ten year old child and his elf discussing how to best arrange the last twenty history books.

 

**Sept. 4th, 1971**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus gingerly sat down in the very last desk in the back row in the furthest corner from the door. It was his first class of the day, charms with Professor Flitwick. That morning, Severus had seriously considered not going, but then Gorgon had scowled at him and told him not to be a coward and to get up the chute and go.

He glanced around himself and saw a lot of the other students staring at him curiously, probably because they hadn’t seen him at the Feast the night before.

He glared back at them, not liking their staring and then he ducked his head down, hid behind curtains of his hair and stared at his textbook. He nearly rolled his eyes at it. He’d read it three times already and he and Gorgon had practiced and perfected over half of the charms in the book already. He couldn’t believe it took the rest of these morons an entire year to learn this stuff.

Finally, Professor Flitwick walked into the room and hurried up to the front and stood on his stack of books so he could see the register. Severus had had a heated argument with him a few days ago, saying that nobody should stand on books and get them dirty and possibly risk damaging them. Professor Flitwick had heartily agreed with him and said that if Severus found a suitable substitute which was sturdy and not too tall, he would be glad to switch.

“Well, good morning to you all. I trust nobody got a wink of sleep last night and were all getting to know each other. Alright, onto business. I am Professor Flitwick and I will be your charms teacher for the next seven years—”

Severus stopped listening as Flitwick started droning on and on about the merits and advantages of charms and how they were much more useful than any other branch of magic. He grinned to himself when he heard the professor quoting directly from that advanced charms textbook he had read a few weeks ago. Gorgon would have a good laugh over that one. He briefly wondered where his elf was. Probably down it the kitchen with Gabby.

Severus started paying attention again when Flitwick started reading out the register. He discreetly glanced at the person who raised their hand at each name, immediately memorizing the face and the name. Just because he wasn’t intending to talk to them didn’t mean he shouldn’t know them. Know your enemies faces. He had read that in a historical documentary an old General had written long ago.

He quickly determined that the class had Gryffindor and Slytherin first years. He had taken a look at his schedule earlier that day—which Fawkes had dropped by to give to him—and had discovered that he had nearly all of his classes with Gryffindors, asides from Herbology which he shared with Hufflepuffs and Astronomy, which he had with Ravenclaws.

When he heard Flitwick call his name, he didn’t raise his hand and just stared at Flitwick, who gave him a smile and sighed softly before continuing. Severus didn’t understand what the sigh had been for. Flitwick had known him for weeks already so why did he expect Severus to wave his hand around in the air like the rest of the morons were doing? It was unnecessary.

A couple of people had turned around and given him curious looks. Two Gryffindor boys sitting in the middle elbowed each other and grinned at each other before nodding their chins towards him. One of them whispered something to the other who was wearing glasses. The other boy laughed quietly. Severus glared at them both and then was glad to hear Flitwick clearing his throat and politely asking the boys to turn back around and please pay attention.

Severus glared at the backs of their heads. James Potter and Sirius Black. He had heard them talking and laughing together before class. There was a quiet, slightly worn out looking boy sitting close to them, who had nodded and smiled with them. That had been Remus Lupin.

As Professor Flitwick started the class, Severus forgot all about them. With a flick of his wand, Flitwick conjured up feathers on each of their their desks and then carefully demonstrated how to make it levitate. Severus waited, expecting the professor to make the feather explode or do something marginally more difficult than making it levitate. But then Flitwick simply let the feather drift back onto his desk, wrote the incantation onto the board and gave them big, encouraging smiles, telling them to give it a shot.

Severus sighed softly with annoyance. This was pathetic. He had been levitating things since he was six years old and could levitate people and piles of books. Feathers were a joke.

He glanced around the classroom. Some kids were sitting there, staring at their wands and trying to determine which way to point them. Others were waving their wands at their feathers with deep frowns on their faces as if scolding the feathers. Others were screaming or whispering the incantation at their feathers, completely mispronouncing the incantation. Severus rolled his eyes. Gorgon had taught him long ago that an incantation had to be pronounced a certain way, with certain parts of it emphasized, and certain parts of it said quickly or slowly or else it wouldn’t work as efficiently as it could. Obviously, these stupid dunderheads knew nothing.

Flitwick was running amongst the desks, smiling and yelling encouragements over the noise as feathers exploded and people screamed and some burst into frustrated tears.

Black was busy scolding his feather while Potter was howling with laughter. Lupin was smiling and chuckling at both of them and occasionally turned to his feather. With a serious frown on his face, he clearly said the incantation and the feather lifted up and hung in the air.Well, at least Lupin knew how to do it, even if he wasted time pretending to enjoy the display of incompetence Black and Potter were putting on.

Severus glared around the classroom, not believing he had been excited about coming to this school. This was a joke.

Flitwick finally made his way over to him and gave him a smile. “How are you doing, Severus?”

Severus glared. “This is utterly pathetic.” He spat.

Flitwick smiled with sympathy. “I know it’s elementary, but it’s necessary to start small.”

Severus stared at him. Flitwick gave him a coaxing smile. “Come on. Show them how it’s supposed to be done.”

Severus stared at him thoughtfully before an idea occurred to him. Flitwick had moved to stand beside him and was still smiling. The rest of the class had stopped their pathetic attempts and were watching Severus. Severus pulled out his wand. But instead of pointing it at his feather, he pointed it at Flitwick’s large desk. “Leviosa!” he said clearly. Immediately, the large desk lifted into the air. Carefully keeping the bond between his wand and the desk stable, Severus started twirling his wand and the old desk started madly spinning in the air, parchment, quills and books flying around the classroom.

Students had at first been laughing and clapping, but when heavy books started flying at them, they dove under their desks. Flitwick yelled above the noise that he should stop and was rummaging around in his robe for his wand.

Before Flitwick could stop the spell, Severus quickly turned the desk upside down and then released it. With a loud crash, the desk smashed into the floor, the wood splintering and pieces of glass flying around the classroom.

Immediately, silence choked the classroom. Flitwick was staring at him with an expression of hurt confusion.

Severus tilted his head and stared up at his teacher. Flitwick sighed softly and quietly told everyone to keep practicing. Then he slowly shuffled up to the broken remains of his desk and started picking up the fragments of wood, glass and torn pieces of books which lay everywhere.

Severus glanced up when he heard muffled laughter. Potter was smirking at him and Black was laughing and elbowed Potter.

“What a freak, huh mate? Doesn’t only look it but acts it too.” Black said loudly. Flitwick hadn’t heard him but the rest of the class had and they erupted into loud laughter, pointing at him and muttering to each other. Flitwick turned around and started telling them to be quiet and keep practicing, but the damage had already been done.

Severus sat there, trying to force back the anger that had erupted within him. They had laughed at him. That feeling of worthlessness flooded him again. He had done something none of these other idiots could do, but they were still laughing at him. They still thought he was nothing.

Shaking from pent up anger, Severus glared at Black, who was still laughing. “Oh, look at the ugly git getting angry. What? You going to make my desk hit the ceiling or something? Oh, I’m scared now.”

Potter slapped him on the back and kept laughing as the rest of the class quietly snorted with laughter. Lupin had laughed along with them but then his smile faded and he stared at his desk, fiddling around with his feather.

Severus had had enough. Yanking out his wand, he pointed it at Black. “Incendio.” He muttered. Immediately, a stream of fire erupted from his wand and lit Black’s hair on fire.

Potter immediately leapt away from him with a scream. Realizing something was wrong, Black reached up and nearly burnt his hands off and then he started screaming too. The rest of the class erupted into chaos. Students were screaming and running out of the class or hiding under their desks, giving him terrified looks. Flitwick had spun around and nearly fainted when he saw Black’s hair on fire. He quickly produced a stream of water from his wand and extinguished the fire. Black stood there, dripping wet and shaking, his eyes wide. He spun around and glared at Severus.

“You ugly git tried to kill me!” he screamed. Just before lunged for Severus, Potter grabbed him and hauled him back. “Calm down, mate. We’ll get him, don’t worry about. There isn’t anything we can do with Flitwick here anyway.” He muttered to Black, sending a scathing look at Severus, who shot one right back at him.

Flitwick came hurrying up to the pair. “Sirius, go up to the infirmary at once and have Madame Pomfrey take a look at you. She’ll regrow your hair and make sure you don’t have any serious burns.” Then he summoned over a piece of parchment and a quill and quickly scribbled something down. Ringing a bell on his desk, he turned around just in time to see Rudy apparating beside him.

“Ah, there you are. Please bring this to the headmaster right away.” Rudy nodded, bowed and quickly disappeared with a pop.

As Black left the classroom, Flitwick walked towards Severus, his expression one of sad disappointment. Severus had expected him to be angry, but all he saw was disappointment.

“Severus, report to the headmaster at once and remain there until the end of this lesson. I don’t want you in this classroom until you’ve thought things through quite thoroughly.”

Severus narrowed his eyes at him. Black had called him a freak and Potter had laughed at him and yet he was the one being sent to the headmaster.

Without a word, he stood up, stuffed his wand into his robe and strode out of the classroom, glaring at anyone who glanced at him.

 

*             *             *

 

Severus was about to raise his hand to knock on the headmaster’s door when it swung open by itself.

He slowly walked in and stood beside the headmaster’s desk, glaring at the floor. Fawkes was looking at him, his dark eyes filled with disappointment but Severus ignored him. The headmaster was busy staring at the small piece of paper in his hands which Rudy had delivered to him.

After a long moment, the headmaster sighed and motioned for Severus to sit down. Severus sat down and crossed his arms, glaring at the desk in front of him.

He could feel that steady gaze of those blue eyes on him but he ignored it.

He heard a soft sigh. “Well, you’ll be thrilled to know you’ve set the record. Usually I don’t get any trouble makers in here until second period.”

Severus didn’t respond. The headmaster sighed again and leaned forward. “Severus, did you levitate and destroy Professor Flitwick’s desk despite the fact that you knew very well you were supposed to be practicing on feathers?”

Severus shot him a confused look. “Of course I did. That’s why I’m here. That and setting Black’s hair on fire. Why do you ask if you already know?”

For a moment, Dumbledore was again amused by Severus’ immediate honesty. Most other people would have tried to deny it or at least downplay their part, but Severus didn’t even try to lie. Dumbledore reminded himself to one day tell Severus it was a very noble trait to have.

The headmaster cleared his throat and dropped the piece of paper.

“Alright. Now could you tell me why? And would you please look at me, child, while you’re speaking?”

Severus sighed with annoyance and forced his eyes off the floor and onto the headmasters. Dumbledore gave him an encouraging smile. Severus still found it hard to look people in the eyes when they were upset with him. He was always half afraid that their eyes would start glowing fluorescent green. But the headmaster’s never did. They always remained that sparkling, blue color. Severus clenched his jaw, forced his nervousness away and held that steady gaze.

“The exercise Professor Flitwick gave us was childish and pathetic. I can levitate people and enormous objects so I didn’t feel the need to practice on feathers. I decided to challenge myself since the Professor obviously didn’t so I levitated the only heavy thing I saw in the room which was his desk. I was going to levitate the Professor, but Gorgon told me it was rude to levitate people without their permission.”

Dumbledore narrowed his eyes thoughtfully and nodded. “That’s what I thought. So it wasn’t just to show off?”

Severus frowned, confused. “Show off? Who would I want to show off to? It’s none of those other dunderheads business what magic I can do and what I can’t do.”

The headmaster nodded again and then leaned back. “Alright. I understand why you did it, my dear, but you have to understand that you severely hurt Professor Flitwick’s feelings. He has had that desk for many years and he had quite a few personal items in it and on it and I’m pretty sure they have all been destroyed. Now, I know he can easily repair them, but that’s not the point. You attacked something which belonged to him for your own benefit and that’s not acceptable. You wouldn’t like it if someone practiced Drenching charms on your books, would you?”

Severus’ eyes widened in horror at the very thought. Suddenly, he didn’t feel so good about what he had done anymore.

Seeing that he was getting through to him, the headmaster decided to carry on.

“Alright, the next issue is you attacking Black. Why did you do it, my dear?”

“He was making fun of me and was making the rest of the class laugh at me. I hate it when people laugh at me.”

Dumbledore nodded. “It reminds you of the elves back at the manor, doesn’t it?”

Severus stared at him. He hadn’t told anybody about that—except for Gorgon. His eyes narrowed.

“Has Gorgon been gossiping with you?”

Dumbledore tried to hide a smile. “Just a little bit, but you needn’t be too upset with him. I was prying and he was being very evasive, but I picked up a few things here and there.”

Severus slowly shook his head, making a mental note to yell at his elf later on.

Dumbledore quickly smoothered his smile and his face grew serious again. “Now, I understand why you did it, my dear, but your methods of retaliation were extremely out of line.”

Severus stared. “I could have used the cruciatus curse on him instead but I decided to be easy on him and you say that was out of line?”

Dumbledore sighed sadly. “The problem here is that you don’t know where the line is. Now, that’s not fault, since you didn’t know the line existed, but I want you to find out where it exists.”

Severus frowned. “Why?”

The headmaster clasped his hands. “For two reasons. First of all, we both know you have a very powerful wand and you have quite extraordinary abilities for someone so young, but you have to learn when to keep that power in check. You have to realize you can cause people serious harm and you have to restrain yourself. You have to learn where the line is.”

Severus was still frowning. “How do I know where it is?”

“That is something for you to find out. I’d like you to write a roll of parchment on it for me, discussing alternative methods you could have used to take care of the situation and which methods are considered over the line and unacceptable and why.”

Severus rolled his eyes and sighed. “Alright. Fine. I’ll write it. By when do you want it?”

“A week should be fine. You can go to other teachers if you need extra ideas.”

Severus nodded and grumbled to himself while Dumbledore shot him a wide smile.

Then the headmaster cleared his throat. “And lastly, I must ask you to stay at the level of the class. I know you know most of the first years material already, if not all of it, but think of this as a chance to hone and perfect your skills.”

Severus frowned. “But the material is so childish and easy.”

Dumbledore held up a hand to stem the outburst. “I understand that, but you have to try and understand that some of these students have only had their wands for three days and have never done any magic before today. Try to be patient.”

Severus frowned. “They’ve never done any magic before? What have they been doing with their lives?” he demanded.

Dumbledore sighed sadly. “Definitely not the same things you’ve been doing with yours. So, try to be patient with them please and restrain yourself around them.”

Severus sighed. “Alright, I get it. Be nice and patient with the dunderheads and don’t kill them. Well, I won’t have to. Their stupidity will take care of that for me.”

Dumbledore chuckled good naturedly and conjured up a plateful of chocolate frogs. Still scowling, Severus stuffed a bunch into his robes, muttered a thank you and then swept out of the office.

The headmaster chuckled heartily and stared after the child. He exchanged an amused glance with Fawkes. “He’s really one of a kind, isn’t he, old friend?”

 

**Nov.19th, 1971**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus slowly turned another page and continued reading about magical fungi and bryophytes. Gorgon was sitting right beside him on the bed right and Fawkes was perched on a special perch Severus had made for him above his bed.

After he reached the end of the chapter, Gorgon stretched and yawned. “Well, that was interesting.”

Severus nodded. “We have to go outside one of these days and try to find that fluorescent moss.” He shut the book and with a small wave of his wand, sent it flying back to the bookshelf.

“ _You mean you two would voluntarily go outside? Are you trying to give me a heart attack_?”

Severus scowled up at the beautiful phoenix. “No, but if don’t watch that sarcasm, you’ll get a heart attack alright, but it won’t be because we’ll go outside.”

Fawkes twittered. “ _Oh, you’re horrible. I was just joking_.”

Severus scowled up at him, but the scowl had lost some of its bitterness.

He pushed himself off his bed, and walked over to his desk. Dropping into the chair, he pulled out a piece of parchment and yanked his history textbook over to him.

“What does young master have to write?”

Severus rolled his eyes. “The history of Transylvania.”

Gorgon frowned, remembering the contents of the first year history book. “But that textbook not have good enough information.”

Severus nodded and flicked his wand at a small pile of books beside his bed. They gently lifted up and flew over to him and landed on his desk with a thud.

“I know. That’s why I asked Madame Pince to pick these out for me. I remembered that all of them have some tiny thing on Transylvania in them.”

Gorgon got up and frowned at each book, slowly nodding. “Yes, Gorgy remember. We read all of them.”

Fawkes stopped preening for a moment. “ _You know, I find it quite commendable that you’re putting so much effort into your assignments_.”

Severus blinked at him. “Effort? This isn’t effort, bird, it’s the bare minimum. The information in that textbook is completely insufficient and writing an assignment using it is completely unacceptable.”

Fawkes stared at him for a moment before chuckling in amusement. Frowning at him for a moment, Severus dismissed the chuckle and started writing.

Gorgon was busy reading through the books, quickly skipping to the parts his young master needed. Keeping the books open, he levitated them and froze them in the air. Whenever Severus needed a new book, he simply yanked another one out of the air.

Gorgon frowned over his shoulder as he read his young master’s last sentence. “Young master put comma in wrong place.” He declared, pointing a finger at the parchment.

Severus shot an irritated glance in his direction but then re-read the sentence, scowled and changed the comma’s position. Gorgon raised an eyebrow at him until Severus muttered a small thank-you. Satisfied, the old elf went back to squinting through books.

Fawkes chuckled in quiet amusement and then ducked as a book Gorgon hadn’t frozen properly slowly drifted past him. Sticking his neck out, Fawkes snatched it in his beak and dragged it back to the rest. Gorgon had seen the book and quickly re-froze it, scowling and shaking a finger at it.

“So, how was young master’s potion class today?”

Severus shrugged. “Boring and easy.” He muttered, his nose still stuck in his parchment and his hand busily scribbling words in tiny, cramped writing.

“Did you get your last assignment back?”

He nodded. Fawkes shot him a look. “ _Well? Out with it already. How did you do_?”

Severus didn’t even look up as he kept writing. “Perfect on the potion and above expectations on the essay.”

Fawkes gave out a pleased chirp. “ _Oh, that’s fantastic, Severus! Absolutely fantastic! I can’t wait to tell Albus_.”

Severus shot him an exasperated look, never having understood why the bird seemed to pleased when he had simply performed adequately. He hadn’t done anything to deserve praise, only to avoid punishment and that was the best reward anybody could give him.

“Bodin wrote on it that he hadn’t even heard of two of the uses for Hellebore Syrup I wrote about.”

Gorgon snorted. “That because old master invented them.”

Severus shot him a small smile. “Yes, I know, but I saw no reason to tell Bodin that. He just did the usual, you know, smile at me and say I’m such a bright little bugger and then he ruffled my hair. I swear, if the man touches me one more time, I’ll burn his hands off.”

Gorgon and Fawkes both shot him stern looks. Severus sighed. “I know, I know. That would be going over the line. Of course I won’t attack him. He’s a teacher, but he’s mighty irritating. Always smiling so much and touching people’s cheeks and hair and arms. Everybody else seems to think it’s perfectly normal. All the girls always laugh as if it’s the funniest thing. You should have seen Trixie in potions today. Professor Bodin stroked her hair and fussed about how gorgeous it looked and wanted to know what shampoo she used and she was laughing so hard I thought she’d faint. It’s ridiculous.”

Fawkes and Gorgon both smiled in silent amusement and then dismissed the topic. It was something that couldn’t be avoided when a teacher was young and flamboyantly gay, but there was no reason to tell Severus that.

“ _So the level of the class isn’t too difficult_?” Fawkes asked. Severus snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Difficult? Fawkes, I know the headmaster transferred me to second year in potions, but it’s still laughably easy.”

“ _Well, as long as you don’t refuse to do any more potions_.”

“Bird, there is no way, in a million years I am ever going to make a giggling potion. Not for Bodin, not for the headmaster and not for anyone.”

Fawkes and Gorgon both sighed, both of them having argued this to exhaustion on the second day of school when Severus had had his first potions lesson and had refused to make the simple potion.

Severus glanced at both of them and rolled his eyes. “Now quit sighing at me, both of you, I’ve got a paper to write.” He yawned and stretched. “And afterwards we can go down up to the kitchen and grab a midnight snack. I have a craving for blueberry pastries. Did Mixie say she had any leftover?”

Gorgon nodded. “Gorgy went to kitchen a few hours ago and asked Mixie and she showed Gorgy a small plateful she put away for young master.”

Severus nodded and then glanced at Fawkes. “Yes, I know, you want to come too. Alright. If you’re quiet and don’t bother me until I’m finished, you can come up and you can have half of my pastry. Just don’t tell the headmaster. He’s always muttering about how sweets are so bad for you.”

Then he sighed and buried his nose back into his parchment.

 

**Dec. 25th, 1971**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Gabby and Rudy quietly apparated into the small room where they knew young Master Severus and Gorgy slept. Severus had nearly thrown a fit when he had caught them sitting on his bed with Gorgy a few days ago, but then Gabby had explained that all the elves knew he slept down here, but they all promised not to tell a soul. Severus had narrowed his eyes and glared at both of them but then muttered that they could stay as long as they wanted as long as they didn’t touch his books.

The small elves smiled as they looked at the young child sleeping curled up on the bed, his elf sleeping at his feet, rolled up in his own blanket.

Gabby quietly motioned for Rudy to go and wake Severus up, since she was busy holding the stocking. Gabby had to bite her lip to keep from squealing for excitement. Silently, she hopped from one foot to the other.

Rudy quietly tip-toed over and leaned over the sleeping boy. Suddenly, he loudly clapped his hands and exclaimed: “Merry Christmas, Master Severus!”

With a startled gasp, Severus darted up, yanked his wand out of his nightgown and nearly shoved it up Rudy’s nose as he pointed it at the source of the noise.

Rudy had quickly hopped back a step and had raised his hands defensively. “It’s alright, Master Severus! Only Rudy and Gabby here.”

Breathing hard, Severus forced himself to swallow. Feeling some of the color returning to his face and feeling his heartbeat slow down, he quickly recognized the two elves and realized they meant him no harm. Not taking his eyes off them, he reached out and prodded Gorgon awake with his foot. With a loud yawn, the old elf rolled over and blinked a few times. He frowned, staring up at a grinning and clapping Gabby and a squealing Rudy.

Slowly, Severus put his wand back down and then frowned at them. “What are you two doing in here this early? Don’t tell me Gorgon and I have to do chores during winter break too.” He had blurted out the question in Elfish, using the old language out of habit whenever he got upset or frightened.

Both elves vigorously shook their heads and kept grinning at him, expecting him to say something. Severus frowned at them and then exchanged a confused look with Gorgon, who shrugged at him, not understanding either.

Finally, Gabby couldn’t hold it in any longer. With a loud squeal, she pulled the large red stocking out from behind her back and danced around, holding out to him.

“Merry Christmas, Master Severus!” she squealed, nearly bursting from joy. Rudy was also dancing around and squealing excitedly.

Severus frowned at them and exchanged another look with his elf. Then he looked back at Gabby, who was shaking from pent up excitement. “What the bloody hell is Christmas?” he demanded.

Both elves immediately stopped dancing around and froze, their mouths dropping open and their eyes widening. They stared at each other and then stared back at Severus.

“Master Severus not know what Christmas is?” Gabby breathed, not believing it.

Severus frowned. “If I did, would I ask? Now, out with it already. I want to know what this rubbish is about and why you’re so excited, and I’m warning you, it better be good. The headmaster said we could sleep in during winter break.”

When Gabby simply continued gaping at him, Rudy stepped forward to explain.

“Christmas is human tradition. Every year, on December 25th, people give each other presents. The headmaster gives all of his staff presents in stockings and this year, he bought one for Master Severus and bought him presents and told Rudy and Gabby to bring it down.”

Severus frowned, slowly thinking over this christmas business. “Well, what does the headmaster want in return for those presents?”

Rudy stared at him with wide eyes. “Nothing, Master Severus. Christmas is about giving for free.”

“Giving for free? Sounds like a waste to me.”

“No, no, no.” Gabby loudly interupted. “Christmas is about joy and happiness and love and everything about christmas so beautiful.” She exclaimed and then clapped her hands and danced around a bit more.

Severus and Gorgon both stared at her as if she was insane. When she noticed that she had rendered them both speechless, Gabby hurried forward, pushed Severus back onto his bed and thrust his stocking under his nose. Severus immediately recoiled from the bright color.

Gabby nearly stepped on his feet as she continued hopping around, her wide eyes sparkling from excitement. “Master Severus must look inside stocking, quickly, quickly! Then must get upstairs for christmas feast! Oh, Master Severus will love decorations in Great Hall! All so bright and beautiful and everybody love each other and world is beautiful place! Oh, Gabby love christmas!”

Rolling his eyes, Severus was about to tell Gabby to keep the stocking for herself, since she seemed more excited about it than he was, but then Gorgon elbowed him in the ribs and murmured not to be rude.

Sighing quietly, Severus gingerly took the stocking from Gabby. Immediately, Rudy flung himself on the bed beside him, Gabby edged up so close to him that her nose was nearly touching his and Gorgon curiously leaned over on his other side.

Feeling trapped and feeling that familiar panic setting in, Severus scowled. “Alright, all of you, back off a bit.” He snarled. Gabby moved her nose back about an inch. Sighing, Severus decided to ignore them and then he peeked inside his stocking.

Putting in a cautious hand, he felt around inside until he felt the familiar shape of a book beneath his fingers. Grinning quietly, he pulled it out. As soon as he had glimpsed it, his eyes nearly fell out of his head and he heard Gorgon take a sharp breath. The book wasn’t just any book. It was a first edition, collectors item in mint condition.

Staring at it, Severus gently touched the cover, feeling the black satin cover with the gold writing on the front.

“This must have cost a fortune.” He breathed. Gorgon nodded. “Headmaster must have sold Master Fawkes or something.”

Gabby was shaking his leg. Irritated that she was distracting him from looking at his precious treasure, Severus shot her a look. She stared at him with sparkling eyes. “Master Severus must look at rest!”

Rudy nodded vigorously. Gently putting the book down beside him, Severus reached back into the stocking. He felt a small bag and he slowly pulled it out and then emptied it into his lap. A shower of golden covered chocolate frogs spilled out, some falling onto the bed and the floor, covering Gabby’s feet.

The elf squealing over how pretty they all looked and nearly trambled a few. Squealing a horrified excuse, she bent over and picked up all the ones which had fallen onto the floor and tossed them onto Severus’ lap.

Severus was staring down at the chocolate frogs, a small smile on his lips. Well, nobody could ever say the headmaster didn’t know what to get him. Looking up, he saw Rudy and Gabby both grinning at him.

“Alright, fine. There’s no need to stare at me like that.” He muttered and then picked up a handful for each elf and gave it to them. They both squealed, jumped around and thanked him at the top of their lungs.

Then Severus neatly halved the remaining frogs and handed one half to Gorgon, who eagerly hopped off the bed to hide them behind a removable stone in the wall where he kept all of his candy hidden. They had to hide their sweets, otherwise, Fawkes always found them and ate them all.

Severus was about to hand the stocking back to Gabby when he felt something else in there. Puzzled, he stuck his hand in and pulled out a small, gold and red card.

Opening it, he frowned, immediately recognizing the headmaster’s elegant writing.

 

_Dear Severus,_

_I hope you haven’t given the elves a hard time this morning and I hope they’ve set straight any confusions about this day. I also hope you enjoy your presents and remember to share the chocolate frogs with Gorgon. I already know you’ll read and enjoy the book together so I see no need to remind you to share it. If you’re done looking at your presents and giving the stocking back to Gabby for safekeeping, I hope you will join me, the staff and the few students who remained here over the break for our Christmas breakfast. It’s a grand occasion and I know you’ll love the decorations in the Great Hall. Hope to see you upstairs soon, and a Merry Christmas, my dear!_

_Albus Dumbledore_

 

Grinning ruefully at the card, he slowly shook his head and rolled his eyes. Hiding the card under his pillow and gently sending the new book onto his bookshelf, he pushed himself off the bed and handed the stocking to Gabby, who squealed and clutched it to herself.

“Master Severus hurry up to Hall now and remember to love world today, because christmas is beautiful and that makes world beautiful and wonderful.” With that Gabby, snapped her fingers and her and Rudy disappeared, both grinning widely at him.

Severus stared at the empty spots where they had been a few moments ago and then glanced at his elf, who was busy munching on one of the new chocolates.

“Well, elf, if this holiday doesn’t kill me, I don’t know what will.” He grumbled.

Gorgon grinned at him, his mouth covered in chocolate. “Oh, Gorgy not know about that, young master. Gorgy liking this christmas idea.”

Severus rolled his eyes and sighed as he headed towards the door. “Any occasion which makes Gabrielle that excited and warrants putting decorations up in the Hall is enough to worry, scare and kill me.” He sighed. “I’ll see you after breakfast, elf, if I survive.”

 

**Feb.25th, 1972**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus hurried across the lawn towards the herbology greenhouses, gritting his teeth and glaring around himself, hating the bright sun, and hating people. He could still hear them laughing at him. Stupid, filthy Gryffindors. He couldn’t stand them. He had just had Defense Against the Dark Arts with old Professor Krupnit. The lesson itself hadn’t been too boring. He had actually learned something about Hinkypunks that he hadn’t known already. That wasn’t something that happened too often. Normally, he liked DADA and old Professor Krupnit at least knew what he was talking about. He had been one of the few professors to deal with Severus’ questions and delicate situations by himself without sending him up to see the headmaster. When they had first started studying Grindylows and the Professor had gone over a number of different stunning locations on the little green creatures body and various ways of tying it up, Severus had politely interupted him to know why they couldn’t just use the killing curse to kill it. The rest of the class had either stared at him like they were scared to death of him or as if he was some disgusting insect. But the Professor had silenced their outcries and quite calmly told him that it was unacceptable to use the killing curse and was punishable by a lifelong sentence in Azkaban. Severus wanted to ask him other questions, but the Professor said that that discussion was for later and promptly continued his lesson.

It was situations like that which cemented his reputation as the loner and the freak who knew way too much about dark arts and everything else that had to do with magic. Half of the people in his classes avoided him and stayed as far away from him as possible, as if afraid he’d curse or kill them if they got too close. The other half had turned into an amused audience for Potter and Black, who never lost an opportunity to put on a show for a good audience and make fun of him. The insults, the jeers, the laughter, and the lame practical jokes had only gotten worse as the year progressed. He always glared at them and lashed out, but was careful not to cause any permanent damage to either of them. At the beginning, he had thought that the other stupid gits would be more impressed by his retaliation methods than Potter and Black’s immature insults and stupid practical jokes—such as throwing a giggling charm on him on his way to potions—but it seemed that Potter and Black’s popularity was a lot bigger than his and only continued to grow. Everybody thought they were funny and cool and hilarious. Their newfound popularity only spurned them on and they never lost the opportunity to pick on him, providing there was an audience to watch.

Just like today. He had been walking out of the castle on his way to Herbology when he heard the familiar high pitch voice yelling after him. “Hey! It’s Snivellus! Where are you running off to, greasy, huh? Going to blow your nose or something?” That was Potter. Severus clenched his jaw and kept walking, but his hand slid down to his wand, just in case.

“Just make sure you’re careful when you’re in the greenhouse. All that glass can get greasy really easily.” And that was Black.

The two of them laughed and the few people gathered around them laughed too. Severus didn’t pay any attention to them. Most of them were Gryffindors, but there were some Slytherins and Ravenclaws there too. Even people from his own house thought he was a freak. Severus had hoped that some of them would stick up for him, but in a rare occurrence, most of the Slytherins agreed with the Gryffindors that Snivellus wasn’t somebody to be associated with. He couldn’t really blame them. He hadn’t made any effort to get to know any of them since he couldn’t understand what on earth they would be useful for, other than standing up for him, and Severus didn’t feel like wasting time and effort making friendships for the sole purpose of using them to fight his battles for him. He’d never had somebody else fight his battles for him and didn’t feel like starting to now. Besides, they hardly knew he existed. If any of them had noticed that he didn’t sleep in the dormitories with them, none of them had ever said anything—probably fearing that Severus would change his mind and move back in—and during meal times they treated him like the decorative table cover—something that they hardly ever thought about, something that didn’t really concern them or affected their lives in any way, but something that had to be at the same table as them because of school policy. Besides, Severus didn’t exactly go out of his way to try and fit in with them. He didn’t come from an influential family, he hardly knew anything about the world outside of the castle walls and he didn’t hide the fact that he didn’t give a damn about either of these things. He never had before and he wasn’t going to start now.

Severus grit his teeth when he heard Black’s comment. Determined not to care, he clenched his jaw harder and kept on walking. Just as he was about to step down the stairs, he heard Potter mutter something and felt the tingle of magic around him. Immediately, he yanked his wand out and spun around. He was about to mutter the first curse that came to his mind, when suddenly, his feet flew out from under him and he tumbled down the stairs, his books and quills flying everywhere and his robe flying up around his waist. By the time he came to a stop on the lawn, he heard roaring laughter coming from above him.

“What’s the matter Snivelly? Slipped on your own snot or something?” Potter yelled down to him. Black was laughing so hard he was nearly choking and the other members of the audience were nearly on the floor of the Entrance Hall.

Severus shoved himself off the ground, yanking his robe straight and was relieved to find he was still clutching his wand in his hand. Spinning around, he muttered something and watched as green gas came pouring out of his wand and drifted upwards into the castle. Moments later, the laughter abruptly died as people started coughing and gasping for air and immediately, the crowd scattered.

Severus glared after them and stopped to make sure they were gone before turning back around to pick his books up. Just before he left, he glared at the stairs, onto which Potter had cast a slippery charm.

Things did not improve in Herbology. He was paired with a Hufflepuff who was so scared of him that her hand shook the entire time and she wouldn’t go near him. That suited Severus just fine. They were working with Nail Biters, nasty little plants that clamped onto your fingers and ripped your nails off if you weren’t careful and his stupid lab partner had already lost two fingernails last week after getting too close. So she stayed on the other side of the bench, busying herself with something stupid while Severus fed and trimmed the plants, scowling at them when they snapped at him.

Usually, he would just smack them with his wand if they tried biting him, but today, he was in a bad mood.

He was just finished watering one of the little beasts, when suddenly, it lashed out and lunged for his finger. His quick reflexes allowed him to pull back just in time, but he still felt that anger rising within him. Narrowing his eyes at the plant, he pulled out his wand. He knew he wasn’t really angry with the plant, but he knew that really hurting Potter and Black was ‘over the line’ and wasn’t acceptable in the headmaster’s eyes, but the headmaster had never said anything about plants.

Pointing his wand at the hissing, snapping plant, he quickly checked to see that Professor Sprout was busy, and then muttered “Crucio” at it.

Immediately, the plant started shaking and twisting itself into impossible shapes, trying to stop the pain ripping through it. It’s hissing had turned into a screech of pain which oddly enough soothed Severus’ nerves and made him feel calmer. He was in control now. He had the entire situation under his control.

He was barely aware of his lab partner screaming for Professor Sprout and telling her that ‘that strange Slytherin boy was doing something strange again with his wand’. He looked up just in time to see Professor Sprout marching over.

Although he quickly muttered the counter curse, the plant continued shaking violently and then limply fell over and wilted, completely dead. Professor Sprout swept over and immediately looked at his tray and his wand, which was still pointing at the plant. Immediately, a frown creased her forehead and she looked at him very sternly, and a touch disappointed, just like Professor Flitwick had on that first day of class.

“Severus, go to the headmaster immediately and explain to him what happened here. I trust you won’t be omitting any details?”

Severus shook his head, calmly staring at her. He wasn’t scared or angry anymore. He was perfectly calm. That soothing feeling of being in control still engulfed him.

“Good. When the headmaster is done with you, you’ll come back here and spend the rest of the day cleaning out the greenhouse for me and feeding the rest of the Nail Biters, and I’m warning you, they better all the alive when I check them.”

Nodding at her, he turned around, grabbed his things and marched out of the greenhouse, ignoring the hysterical shrieks of his lab partner.

 

*             *             *

 

Severus glared at the headmaster across his desk. “I already explained it to you, headmaster.” He spat, finally having lost patience with the old wizard.

Dumbledore was unaffected by his outburst and calmly clasping his hands on his desk and waited until Severus had gotten a hold of his temper and patience again. Then he gave him a small smile.

“I do apologize, but please humor me and tell me one more time. Why did you torture Professor Sprout’s plant to death? I can’t imagine it’s because it bit your nail off. You’ve been working with the plants for weeks and I know you’ve been nipped a few times, but you’ve never killed one until today.”

Severus sighed, sick and tired of having to explain himself over and over again. “Because I was in a bad mood and torturing the plant made me feel better.”

Dumbledore frowned. “How did it make you feel better?”

Severus sighed again, wondering why the headmaster didn’t understand this simple concept. “It made me feel in control and I liked that.”

The headmaster nodded. “Have you ever felt that way before?”

“Yes.”

“When?”

“When I was helping Father torture muggles in the dungeon back at the manor. We’d play games with them and sometimes I got to play too and I got to make the muggles do anything I wanted—humiliate themselves, cry, or even kill themselves. It was great.”

The headmaster was looking at him very sternly. Severus frowned, not understand what the old wizard’s problem was.

After looking at him for a long moment, the headmaster sighed quietly and leaned forward.

“Severus, I want you to listen to me very carefully my dear. I know that using your powers to hurt someone or something or humiliate them or control them in any way made you feel good. It made you feel in control at a time in your life when you felt you had none. But it is simply unacceptable to intentionally cause someone else pain in any manner simply for your own benefit.”

Severus frowned. “I don’t understand why not, headmaster. I don’t give a damn about their feelings.”

The headmaster raised an eyebrow. “Really? In that case, if somebody decided to torture Gorgon to death tomorrow, you would just sit by and think it’s alright because the person torturing your elf and lifelong friend is feeling better about himself because of it?”

Severus had stiffened and his eyes flashed. “No, it would certainly not be alright. If I got hold of that person, he’d be the one screaming and begging for his life. And I’d most certainly let Gorgon have the honors of finishing him off.”

The headmaster nodded. “Hm, in that case, I have to admit that I’m a little confused. It’s alright for you to hurt someone for your own benefit, but it’s not alright for someone else to do the same thing?”

Severus frowned and was about to retort an answer, when suddenly he thought about what the headmaster had said. Dropping his gaze to the carpet, he quietly mulled that over. After a few moments he decided that yes, it wouldn’t be fair to do something he didn’t think other people had the right to do.

When he looked back up, the headmaster was smiling at him. “Before you get too lost in thought, I’d like to remind you that you have detention for the next week and that you will go and apologize to Professor Sprout. As I am anxious to find out what you’re currently mulling over, I would like you to spend your detention writing a paper for me.”

Severus groaned and rolled his eyes, having expected this. He narrowed his eyes at the headmaster, whose eyes were twinkling back at him.

“What should the paper be on?”

“Why it is unacceptable to cause someone else harm for your own benefit.”

Sighing, Severus nodded. “Do I have a week to do it, sir?”

The headmaster nodded and then quietly dismissed him.

Standing up and giving him a polite nod, Severus walked out of the office, hating the idea of spending the rest of the day in the bright greenhouse being hissed at by stupid plants. And after that, he got to sit in Professor Bodin’s office and write an essay during his detention that night with the Professor constantly clapping and grinning that he was such a bright little bugger and how did Severus like the new robe he bought himself? Severus sighed as the spiraling staircase carried him down from the headmasters office. Why he had ever agreed to come to this school was beyond him. Durmstrang would have been much better for him.

 

**Apr.3rd, 1972**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Dumbledore glanced up when he heard the knock on his door. “Come in,” he called and put down the stack of parchment he had been reading through. Moments later, the door swung open and the tall, stern figure of his deputy mistress and Transfiguration professor walked in, the door swinging shut behind her.

“Ah, good evening, Minerva. Please, have a seat.” He waved a hand at the couch at the far end of the office by the roaring fireplace. Pushing himself up, he walked over as well and then quickly conjured up two cups of tea.

Minerva gave him a small smile and accepted the cup of hot tea and put it into her lap. She waited until he had settled himself beside her.

“Albus, I didn’t mean to disturb you but I can’t put this off any longer.”

The headmaster nodded, giving her his full attention as always. “Go on.”

“It’s about Mr. Snape.”

Dumbledore frowned. “Was there a problem in class?”

“No, no. At least, nothing that hasn’t happened before. It’s more of a social problem. To put it frankly, I don’t think Mr. Snape is putting enough effort into befriending his fellow peers and I don’t think it’ll serve him well in the long run.”

“He has friends, Minerva, just not human friends. He spends loads of time with Fawkes and Gabby and Myrtle and the others. He’s not the quiet loner he makes his fellow students believe him to be.”

“He needs to learn how to socialize and how to make friendships, Albus and running around with elves and ghosts won’t do that.”

The headmaster sighed. “Minerva, I’ve tried. I’ve brought up the subject a thousand times but he always dismisses it. He doesn’t like any of the other students and doesn’t want to be friends with them. He feels uncomfortable around them and is half afraid of them and doesn’t know how to interact with them.”

“That’s precisely where the problem lies, Albus! They know he’s socially incompetent—to put it bluntly—and it’s made him an immensely easy target for their fun. It’s horrid the things they say and do to him.”

The headmaster sighed again. “Minerva, believe me when I say it upsets me greatly and I have spoken to him about it many times but he says he refuses to let somebody else fight his battles for him.”

“He’s just afraid it’ll get worse if one of the staff defend him.”

“Yes, I know but we both know these fears aren’t unjustified. Children can be cruel creatures but they’re smart. If we attempt to help him, Mr. Potter and the rest of them will keep their teasing and practical jokes away from our ears and eyes and it might possibly get worse.”

“Albus, this situation is going to explode in our faces one day.”

“I don’t think so, Minerva. I know our attempts at making him part of the student body are failing miserably, but there is the fact to consider that he doesn’t want to be a part of it. If we forced him to do it then he might regard us with anger as well and you know how fragile the trust is which he has given the two of us. As long as he is happy with his own group of friends and he continues taking care of himself where the other students are concerned, I’m more than happy to let him do as he wishes. Should he ever come to me and ask for help with anything—whether this be making them leave him alone or helping him make friends with them— I would do anything in my power to do so, but until then, I’ll leave him be.”

Minerva regarded him sternly for another moment before starting in on her other complaint. “And I suppose this policy of leaving him be includes allowing him to break an enormous amount of school rules and disregarding school policy completely?”

The headmaster chuckled. “Really? I haven’t noticed.”

Minerva’s expression darkened slightly and she raised an eyebrow. “Would you like me to start the list, Albus? He sneaks around at night, steals books from the library, doesn’t sleep in the dormitories and hardly ever eats meals in the great hall. Albus, he’s a young child and needs to understand that rules apply to everyone, including himself.”

“Minerva, your complaints are justified but so are my reasons behind letting him run on a slightly longer leash than everyone else. Yes, he’s a young child, but a very different child from everyone else. He’s lived under horrifically strict rules all his life and I wanted him to see that life here won’t be the same. Now, I know you’re going to say that life here isn’t that harsh anyway, but the way I see it, he doesn’t break any rules which harm anybody else. Unlike a group of certain Gryffindors, he doesn’t spend his time trying to glue shut the portrait door to the common room or make people’s meals mysteriously blow up in their faces. As long as he isn’t causing himself or anybody else any harm, I’m willing to let him to do as he pleases. And the issue of his sleeping arrangements, I suspected that he would have a problem sharing a room with the others. I know where he’s sleeping, Minerva, and Rudy and Fawkes take turns peeking in on him at night to check on him and Gorgon sleeps with him anyway. He’s warm, safe and most importantly, feels safe. And for that, I’d gladly let him break a few rules here and there. He’s not skipping classes, hurting anybody or sneaking anything illicit into the school and besides, Fawkes and Gorgon always keep a sharp eye on him and report everything to me—or, I suspect, almost everything. He’s happy, Minerva and he feels safe here. And if letting him run around with elves and ghosts in the middle of the night and eat in the kitchen with them will keep that happiness there, then so be it. Yes, I know, I might end up regretting this and yes, it might blow up in our faces one day, but for now, no harm is being done to anybody so I’m willing to keep things as they are.”

 

**May 19th, 1972**

**Hogwarts School**

 

“ _You know I really don’t think this is an appropriate thing to be doing_.”

Severus rolled his eyes as he scampered up the rungs of the chute, his elf at his heels. He scowled at the bird who was perched on his shoulder.

“I already told you that you don’t have to come along if you don’t want.”

Fawes quickly straightened up. “ _You know as well as I do that I don’t want to come along, but somebody has to keep an eye on the two of you. Merlin! Why can’t we do this in the daytime like normal people_?”

“Do we strike you as normal people, bird?” Severus asked, sneering at the bird’s twittering.

Reaching the top of the chute, Severus tapped the brick and the rungs on the chute disappeared and the brick wall in front of him disappeared. Crawling through the fireplace, he straightened up, wiped the dust off his robe and then quietly crept through the empty classroom. Fawkes was scowling and muttering to himself, nearly having slammed his head into the top of the fireplace.

Ignoring the phoenix on his shoulder, Severus edged towards the door and gently pulled it open. He stuck his head out and carefully looked up and down the corridor. Everything was dark and quiet. Perfect. Suddenly, he heard voices from down the corridor and quickly yanked his head in. They waited in silence as Gabby walked past, wafting a drunk—thanks to inventive charms Professor Flitwick made up in his past time— Bloody Baron in front of her. The Baron was attempting to sing some horrible old drinking song while Gabby frowned and worriedly asked him to be quiet or else he would wake the children. Finally, they disappeared down the corridor, going towards the Slytherin dungeons. Severus carefully stuck his head back into the corridor and squinted into the darkness.

Gorgon stuck his head out below him and even Fawkes carefully leaned over to look outside. Determining the corridor was really empty, they quietly crept through the darkness towards the stairs.

They moved down the darkened hallway and up the shadowy stairs without a sound. Years of living in the dark manor had long ago given both Severus and Gorgon excellent night-time vision and good hearing. Gorgon used to swear he could hear someone breathing from two corridors away.

They were about to round the last corner before reaching the library, when suddenly, Severus froze and quickly stepped back against the wall, pulling his wand out without a sound. Gorgon quickly flattened himself against the wall and quickly yanked his wand out, keeping it carefully concealed behind his back. Fawkes was about to comment on the fact that they were both paranoid when he heard the faint pattering of feet coming down the hallway around the corner. Fawkes sighed mentally. How he always let the two of them drag him into these situations was beyond him. Now they would be caught and they’d all get in trouble, and oh, it would be dreadful. But he had made a promise to himself and Albus that he would watch over their darkling child, even if this involved scampering around the school in the middle of the night and being caught by heavens knew who.

Forcing down his panic, Fawkes glanced at Severus and then down at Gorgon. If either of them were scared, they didn’t show it. Both of their eyes were glued to the bend in the hallway. Neither of them moved or made a sound, their breathing so quiet that Fawkes could hardly hear it, even though he was sitting right on Severus’ shoulder. He sighed again. If sneaking around without making a sound would be an art, then these two would be teaching it for a living.

As the pattering of feet came closer, Fawkes started to feel panicked. Visions of Albus yelling at all of them and throwing them all out of the castle started dancing in his mind. He couldn’t understand how his other two partners in crime were just standing there, no trace of emotion on their faces.

Keeping nervous eyes glued to the bend in the hallway, Fawkes heard the footsteps creeping closer and closer. He knew that they were almost there. He had a wild urge to squeeze his eyes shut, but decided not to be a coward. Holding his breath, he tried to be brave and quietly waited for the world to end.

Moments later, Mrs.Norris came creeping around the corner. Fawkes could feel the tension draining from Severus’ shoulders and the phoenix slowly let his breath back out.

“Grindelwald! Only stupid cat! Stupid beast nearly gave Gorgy heart-attack.” He heard Gorgy mumble.

Severus narrowed his eyes at the cat as she came closer. She had turned her head at the sound of the elf’s voice and stopped moving, quietly standing in the hallway, staring at them with huge eyes.

Severus slowly moved is wand up. Fawkes knew what was coming. “ _Is it really necessary to stun her, Severus? She won’t interfere with our plans_.”

Severus snorted softly. “You know as well as I do, bird that she’ll run straight for Mr. Filch as soon as we leave and she’ll bring him right to us. She’ll interfere with our plans and that’s unacceptable. Besides, she won’t be stunned for long. I’ll ennervate her when we go back to the chute.”

“ _But you know Albus was quite clear with when you are allowed to stun people_ —”

“Yes, in self defense. This is self-defense.”

With that, he pointed his wand at the motionless cat. “Stupefy.” He hissed. Immediately, the cat swayed and a dazed expression flickered across her face before she fell over onto the floor with a quiet thump.

Gorgon was still shaking his head at her. “Stupid Mistress Norris, creeping around and scaring everyone. Not polite at all.” He muttered quietly, levitating her still form and bringing her over to the nearest classroom. Gently dropping her onto the floor, he locked the classroom door with a wave of his hand and then joined Severus and Fawkes as they continued down the corridor.

When they reached the library, Gorgon quickly unlocked the doors and they slipped into the darkness. While Severus muttered “lumos” at his wand, Gorgon re-locked the doors and then lit his own wand. They moved past the shadowy stacks of books and empty tables, the eerie silence around them pressing down on them.

Without a sound, all three of them walked through the familiar aisles of books until they reached the end of the library where a large iron gate prevented them from going further.

Severus gestured for Gorgon to open it—since elves had the ability to open any door in the castle since they had to clean everything—Fawkes was staring at them both, horrified.

“ _Oh, you can’t be serious! We can’t go into the restricted section! It entirely violates school policy. You know that you need specific permission from a teacher or Madame Pince to enter the restricted section, and then you must do so under strict supervi_ —”

Severus sighed. “If you’re going to whine, then go do so somewhere else, bird.”

“ _I’m not whining_.” Fawkes scoffed, appalled at the thought. “ _I’m merely stating that this isn’t the proper way of doing things._ ”

“You’re merely stating that you’re a coward and I don’t want to have anything to do with cowards.” Severus quietly hissed at him, his eyes narrowed.

Fawkes recoiled, feeling stung by the comment. He felt torn between leaving them both here and going back to his safe, brightly lit cage or staying here to make sure none of these crazy books killed them. Finally, he sighed, his priorities staring him in the face.

“ _Oh, alright then. Don’t be horrid and insulting, I was merely trying to be careful_.” When Severus and Gorgon continued looking at him, he sighed. “ _Well, don’t just stand there, if we’re going to go, then let’s go_.”

Giving the phoenix a tiny smile of approval, Severus turned and quietly pushed the old gate open with a small creak. Gorgon hissed “Grindelwald” under his breath at the creak and glared at the door as he passed through.

Severus stared around himself in amazement. Hundreds of books were crammed into the bookshelves stretching out on either side of him and towering over his head. All of the books looked like the ones his Father used to have in his library at the manor. They were all old and frayed, the fabric covers on them torn and ragged. Some of them were madly whispering and hissing to themselves and others were jerking and tearing at the metal chains keeping them in their places. Others were snapping open and closed, stained yellow fangs emerging from the pages as they opened and sinking back into the faded yellow pages before the book snapped back shut. Severus’ eyes were glowing at the prospect of getting to read all of these books. These were his kinds of books. Reading about plants and transportation methods and tricky transfigurations was all fine and important, but he missed his dark books. Books which held such power in them that he could feel it snapping and coursing through his fingertips as he turned the pages. Books in which the authors always agreed with Father and not with what was ‘appropriate’ or ‘acceptable’. They were familiar and full of knowledge which Severus craved.

Swallowing his excitement, he immediately started scanning the titles and quickly found one. Going over, he quietly stunned the shaking, hissing book and waited until it went limp and then pulled it out, gently dropping it onto the table behind him. Just when he was about to turn around, the book managed to momentarily fight off the curse and lunged at him. Immediately, Fawkes launched himself at the book, hissing at it and the book quickly shrank back. Severus had grabbed his wand and stunned the book again. Glaring at the book, Fawkes remained on the table for a moment before he was satisfied it wouldn’t attack anybody again and then he flew back onto Severus’ shoulder. Severus gave the phoenix a tiny nod of thanks and then kept skimming the books until he found two more and stunned them both and carefully carried them to the table. Gorgon was already sitting cross-legged on the table and was eagerly waiting for his young master to sit down. Fawkes sighed as he looked at the titles of the books. “ _Oh, why can’t we go back downstairs and read that nice book about ancient constellations? It must be a lot more interesting than these horrible books. I mean, these ones snap and hiss at you and are absolutely horrible_.”

Severus waved a hand at him as he grabbed one of the books and gently opened it. Slowly riffling through the yellowed pages, he frowned at the faded text until he found the first chapter. Smoothing out the wrinkly paper, he cleared his throat and quietly started reading. Gorgon leaned forward, eagerly listening but keeping his wand carefully trained on the book incase it managed to fight off the spell keeping it dazed.

As the hours went on and Severus and Gorgon took turns quietly reading the ancient text and turning the brittle pages, Fawkes found himself getting slightly interested despite himself. He really hadn’t known there were that many ways of removing someone’s vocal cords. Not that he would ever need to know how to do it, but it was interesting in a twisted sort of way. Immediately, he found himself appalled by these thoughts and was about to say he had changed his mind and was a coward after all and was going back to his nice cage.

But before he had the chance to do so, a voice suddenly drifted over to them. “You know, reading in the dark like that is really bad for your eyesight, my dear. If you insist on reading in the library at a time when you shouldn’t, then the least you can do is light a candle to give you more light.”

Gorgon had let out a shriek and a “Grindelwald!” before nearly falling off the table and Fawkes let out a small screech and nearly fell off Severus’ shoulder.

At first, Severus’ eyes had widened and he had sat up straight in the chair, about to stand up and yank his wand out, when he recognized the headmasters voice. Then he relaxed and let that blank mask fall over his face.

Blinking past the dim glow of his and Gorgon’s wands, he gazed over the edge of the book towards the headmaster, who was leaning against the gate wearing his purple nightgown. A flickering candle was floating in front of him.

“I’ve been reading in the dark since I learned how to read and I still have superb vision.” He said and then promptly dismissed the headmaster and went back to reading.

Although his tone had sounded casual and impish, inside, he was as tense as a coil, waiting for the headmaster to snap and start screaming at him and to yank out his wand and punish him for having displayed such appalling rudeness. A part of him felt bad for always pushing the headmaster like this, but he wanted to see if he could truly trust him and if Gorgon had been right about him and that the headmaster thought punishments which were physically painful and humiliating were unacceptable. A part of him still couldn’t truly believe that so he tested the careful boundaries he had placed between them, trying to see if the headmaster really was the saint his elf believed him to be.

Dumbledore smiled a little and stepped a bit closer. The old wizard knew precisely where Severus’ attitude came from. He was pushing him, trying to see how far he could go. Well, the child would be sorely disappointed if he expected the headmaster to lash out at him with any sort of violence. He had never harmed a child under his care, or any being without just cause and he would never do so. He knew that Severus’ trust was still fragile and that the child was still adjusting to having lived in fear for so long, but he hoped that everyday, they were taking small steps closer to a strong bond of trust. It wasn’t until much later that he would realize how strong that bond would become and how long it would last.

As he slowly walked, feeling Severus’ wary eyes on him at every step, he frowned as he looked around at the snapping, whispering books who were trying to tear themselves from their shelves or were trying to snap people’s unsuspecting fingers off. As he walked by, some of the books realized who he was and calmed down a bit.

“You know, I do seem to recall that students aren’t allowed in the restricted section of the library without permission.”

Severus glanced up at him, his nose still buried in the book and hiding the faint trembling of his jaw. Asides from that, he carefully kept that blank mask pulled over his face, not letting the headmaster see his fear. “So I’ve heard. Fawkes was quite vocal about it. That’s why I decided to come at night. I wouldn’t have to stun or yell at anybody who objected, and besides, if you’re going to look at it another way, since it’s night, there wasn’t anybody around to give me permission, and since Madame Pince isn’t here, I couldn’t explain that permission to anyone anyway even if I had it.” With that, he stuck his nose back into the book, his hand clenching it so hard he was afraid he’d break the cover. Slowly, he forced himself to breath. Gorgon was looking at him worriedly, having recognized his young master’s carefully hidden and unspoken fear. As casually as he could, the old elf pulled his wand out, to reassure his young charge that he was ready to protect him if anything happened. The sight of the wand calmed Severus down a bit and he edged ever so slightly closer to the comforting presence of his elf.

Dumbledore chuckled softly. He had been about to tell Severus to please leave the restricted section, but he knew the child wasn’t doing anybody any harm and Fawkes and Gorgon were both here to keep an eye on him. Besides, he could see Severus was still fearfully waiting for the punishment which would never come. Deciding that this was not the time to lecture them about school policy, he decided to try and alleviate the child’s fear as much and as gently as he could.

Coming a little closer, he squinted at the titles of the books and smiled.

“Ah, the third volume of Versatchy’s Ancient Curses series. Brilliant man, he really was. A bit mad, but brilliant nevertheless. Personally, I enjoyed his second volume the most, but the seventh had some fascinating historical tid-bits in it that I couldn’t find anywhere else.”

Severus raised his eyebrows in silent surprise. “You’ve read Versatchy’s series?”

Dumbledore glanced at him. “Oh, but of course, my dear.”

“But I thought you always said that using dark magic as retaliation was ‘unacceptable’.”

Dumbledore chuckled softly. “Just because I read about dark magic doesn’t mean I use it. There is a big difference between gaining knowledge and using it. I know you’re just as curious as I was when I was your age so I see no harm in letting you stick your nose into a few less reputable books. The only issue I will be firm on is you using that knowledge to cause harm.”

Severus rolled his eyes. “Yes, I know, I know. We’ve been over this and I remember the essay I wrote. I’m not stupid, headmaster. Just because I know how to remove someone’s eyes doesn’t mean I’m going to go and do it tomorrow. Even though some people deserve it,” He muttered.

Dumbledore smiled good naturedly. The he grew serious again as he looked at the rest of the books.

“You know something I fail to see here?”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “Versatchy’s first volume? Yes, I know. I wish you would have said that your dark section was so lacking in material. I could have brought more of my Father’s books with me. He had Veratchy’s entire series.”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant. What I meant was that I don’t see any books on counter-curses.”

Severus frowned. “Counter-curses? Why would I need to read about counter-curses?”

Dumbledore smiled gently. “Gaining knowledge and power means nothing unless you know how to control it. What good is it knowing curses and hexes when you can’t stop them or control them?”

Severus quietly stared at him, thinking this over. Slowly, he nodded. “That’s true, headmaster.”

Turning to Gorgon, he shoved himself off the chair, Fawkes still on his shoulder. “Come on, elf, bird, let’s go find some counter-curse books. We’ll try to match them with the curses we’ve read about. It won’t be easy, knowing the mess in this section, but we’ll try.” He said and right away walked down the aisle and out of sight.

The headmaster smiled after him. “Before you get too lost in books, Severus, may I emphasize that from now on, I would like you to get Madame Pince’s permission everytime you want to use this section?”

Severus peered around a stack of books and frowned. “But she won’t let me.”

“You let me handle Madame Pince. As long as you promise to stay out of the library at night and you promise to get her permission before coming here, I’ll be able to make her agree. Bribing her with sugar quills has never failed.”

Severus nodded. “Alright. I promise.” Moments later, his head disappeared.

“Good luck with the hunting, and make sure you three don’t stay up until dawn. Your exams are coming up.”

He could hear Severus’ eye rolling and scowl from here. Smiling and chuckling to himself, he turned around and quietly walked through the gate, listening to Gorgon and Severus muttering to each other and Severus’ frustrated sigh and annoyed whispering at his phoenix, who squawked in outrage as a response.

 

**Aug. 13th, 1972**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus frowned down at the chess board before carefully using his wand to nudge his bishop forward. Right away, Gabby started clapping and cheering as she leaned over his shoulder so her ears were nearly obstructing his vision. Severus had given up trying to tell the elf to move over a bit. She’d always smile and nod and bow and then move back half an inch.

Gorgon was nodding in approval from his other side and Nearly Headless Nick nodded and called down “Excellent, my boy, excellent.” from where he was floating above their heads, keeping a careful eye on the game.

The Bloody Baron sent a scathing look up at the Gryffindor ghost and then resumed his careful contemplation of the chess board. Frowning, he finally nodded to himself and then waved a vapory hand at the board and one of his pawns moved forward.

Severus narrowed his eyes. He found himself recognizing the sequence of moves the baron was making. After mulling over the hundreds of different chess scenarios he had read about, he finally remembered the right one. Quickly smoothering a smile, he pretended to be thinking about his next move with deep concentration.

Fawkes rolled his eyes, having recognized the quick attempts to hide a smile. “ _You figured out which scenario he’s using, haven’t you? Well, aren’t you going to say anything? Oh, of course not. That would be nice and you can only be horrible. Don’t glare at me like that. Well, at least you’re not hurting the baron’s feelings_.” Grumbling to himself, the bird twittered a bit on Severus’ shoulder while Severus rolled his eyes at him. Technically, the old ghost was cheating too since he was using an old game plan, so he didn’t see anything wrong with messing up that plan a little bit. At least it would make their game more original.

While he moved his tower forward, he heard a small pop behind him and then Mixie came rushing over with a tray full of biscuits and sweets. Putting it down beside Severus, she flashed everyone a beaming smile before stepping into the circle to watch the game.

Severus watched, a tiny smile on his face as arms grew out of his tower and the heavy stone monument smashed the baron’s knight to pieces and dragged the broken pieces off the chess board. Gabby was clapping and cheering again and Nearly Headless Nick was nodding again. Mrs. Norris sleepily opened her eyes, glaring at the noise and then promptly went back to sleep on one of the nearby desks. Why she came to their weekly chess games was beyond everyone. She always slunk in, turned her nose up at everyone and promptly fell asleep. Fawkes had quietly said that she probably missed Filch, who always took the summers off, and craved some company. Severus knew it would make everyone a lot happier if Filch took his cat with him, but he always left her at the castle saying that somebody had to stay and keep an eye on them.

Leaning back against the wall of the empty classroom which Gorgon and him had finished cleaning a few hours ago and in which they always played their weekly games, Severus sneered at the Slytherin ghost, who was frowning and muttering to himself, not understanding how his perfect game plan had suddenly collapsed.

Suddenly, Gorgon’s head snapped up and he quietly nodded his chin at the pipe running across the classroom’s ceiling. There was someone or something noisily making their way through it. Severus frowned up at it, hoping it wasn’t Peeves. The stupid poltergeist always wanted to come and wreck their game, throw their chess pieces around and be rude and insulting to everyone, but he didn’t dare show up while the Bloody Baron was there. Severus hadn’t had a lot of interaction with the annoying ghost. A few months ago, Peeves had tripped him in the hallway and picked up the books he had dropped and started flinging them around, laughing loudly. Severus had become so enraged by the way the poltergeist was mistreating the books and was humiliating him that he had yanked out his wand and shot up jets of fire. Although the fire couldn’t physically hurt the ghost, Peeves was terrified of fire—which Severus had found out after having a conversation with Mr. Filch. Immediately, Peeves had started screeching and cursing and had disappeared into the wall. Ever since then, Peeves always stayed clear of him and all Severus had to do was glare at him to make him quickly float down another hallway, yelling and screaming at him along the way.

Glancing at the rattling pipe again, Severus glared at it. The other people in the room had all stopped watching the game and even Mrs. Norris had woken up again and everyone was staring at the pipe.

Suddenly, the white, vapory head of a ghost appeared. A ghost with huge glasses and pigtails. Severus sighed. “What do you want, Myrtle? Your bathroom clogged up again?”

Myrtle bit her lip, half hanging out of the pipe and staring at everyone. “Well, no, that’s not it. I was just, uhm, wondering if I could watch you all play.”

Severus glared up at her. He was about to tell her to go back to her bathroom and cry herself into the afterlife, but Gorgon gave him a hard look and then grinned up at the small girl.

“Of course Miss Myrtle come and watch. Lots of room and nobody mind.”

Mrs. Norris, Severus and the Bloody Baron all glared at Gorgon, but he glared right back at them and gestured for Myrtle to come down.

Myrtle’s eyes shone and she spun out of the pipe, tears springing to her eyes at being allowed to join them.

“Oh, thank you, Gorgon, thank you. I’ve been wanting to come and watch for ages but I wasn’t sure you’d let me, and oh, thank you.”

Severus rolled his eyes but moved over a bit. Myrtle floated down to the ground and crossed her legs, flipping one of her pig tails over her shoulder. Gabby pet her shoulder and grinned at her and then went back to staring over Severus’ shoulder.

Severus watched as the Bloody Baron finally made a move and then glanced sideways at Myrtle.

“You can stay as long as you don’t cry. It’s distracting and annoying.”

Myrtle nodded vigorously, her eyes shining. “No crying. Alright, I’ve got it. I promise I won’t cry. But you have to promise to be nice.”

Severus scowled at her and then turned back to the chess board, quietly mulling over his next move.

 

**Sept. 9th, 1972**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus shoved his books and parchment into his bag and slung it over his shoulder and headed towards the door of the history classroom. Glaring at the other students around him, he sneered at them when they glared back or shrank out of his way. He had nearly reached the door when he heard the familiar laughter of Potter and Black behind him.

Ducking through the door, he lengthened his stride, determined to make it to the dungeons and the potions classroom before they caught up with him. He’d been managing to avoid them ever since school had started. It hadn’t proved as difficult as he had thought. The pair had spent the first few days of school catching up with their admiring audience members and talking about the upcoming Quidditch try-outs. Apparently, Potter had been asked by the Gryffindor Captain to try out for Chaser. Severus had no idea how to play Quidditch nor did he care whether or not Potter was going to play, but if this Quidditch business kept both of the stupid gits off his back, he wasn’t going to complain.

He was just about to round the corner, when he heard Black exclaim something and then heard Potter give a triumphant shout. Immediately, he heard two voices shout “Petrificus Totalus!”

Immediately, he threw himself sideways, hoping to avoid the magic flying towards him. He felt the magic brush his side and felt half of himself go numb. Cursing at his frozen right hand, he used his left hand to yank his wand out and spun around with some difficulty due to half of his body being frozen. Glaring down the hallway, he was about to mutter a curse at them but Potter had immediately noticed that he had dodged half of the hex and yelled it again.

Before he had a chance to say anything, he felt the magic slam into him and immediately, his entire body went numb and he sprawled onto the floor. Immediately, he started mentally swearing at his body, screaming at his legs or arms to move.

While he lay there, gasping on the floor from the effort of trying to fight off the hex, Potter and Black slowly sauntered closer, their hands casually stuck in their robes and their dark eyes sparkling with self confidence.

A crowd of people had gathered around them. Most of them were laughing hysterically and some of them were eagerly waiting for what would happen next. A small, mousy looking boy was standing behind Potter and Black, grinning widely and staring up at the two taller boys with such shining admiration in his eyes that it nearly made Severus sick. What was the stupid git’s name again? Peter Pettigrew. That was it. He had attached himself to his two heroes late last year and had never stopped following them around ever since. Every word his heroes uttered and every move they made made him gasp with wonder and he’d nearly faint. Severus found him disgusting.

“Well, well, well. It if isn’t our dear friend Snivellus. Where have you been in the last week? We haven’t had the chance to catch up at all, have we?” Potter said, staring down at him.

Severus glared at him, shaking from the effort of trying to force his arms to move. Black grinned down at him with amusement. “So, how was your summer, Snivelly? Managed to rip your ugly nose out of one of your freak books long enough to blow your nose? Otherwise, you’d have just gotten snot all over them.” Suddenly, Black cast a horrified glance around himself. “And if you did, that means I can never touch any of those books again, can I?”

Potter shook his head, pretending to look worried. “No, we can’t. And we only have the freak here to blame for that. That’s not nice, Snivelly. I think we should help him, Sirius. I don’t think he understands that only clean, decent people get to be part of society. We should teach him a lesson in hygiene, shouldn’t we?”

Black grinned as the people around him laughed and cheered. “Yeah, we should. Maybe we can start with the hair.”

Severus nearly choked with the hatred consuming him. He hated them. He hated them all. He hated their laughter. He hated their arrogance. He hated the way they treated him like he was worthless.

Potter nodded and was about to raise up his wand when suddenly, a figure pushed his way through the crowd. Severus momentarily stopped his struggling and saw that it was Lupin.

He was frowning and glanced down at Severus. “Guys, come on, quit it. We have to get to class.”

Black and Potter’s frowns wavered slightly as they stared at their friend. “Come on, Remus. We’re just having a bit of fun between classes. That’s what freak is here for.”

Lupin gave them both hard looks. “Well that fun is going to make us late for class and you know how Professor McGonagall gets when we’re late.”

Black looked like he was going to start arguing, but Potter let out a heavy sigh and clapped his best friend on the back. “He’s right. Come on, mate. We’ll clean Snivellus up another day.”

Without another glance at the seething, shaking figure still lying on the floor glaring at him with hatred in his eyes, Potter and Black spun around and left, their chattering admirers following them. Lupin was about to follow them when he glanced back at Severus and quietly muttered the counter-charm.

Immediately, Severus shoved himself off the floor and glared after Lupin. “I didn’t need your damn help!” he snarled after him.

Lupin gave him a quiet look before slowly shaking his head and hurrying after his friends, who were laughing about something.

Glaring at all of them, Severus’ hand itched with the urge to set the entire hallway on fire and slowly burn them all to death, but that was ‘unacceptable’ and he couldn’t do that. His wand was shaking in his hand, green sparks springing from its tip. Severus scowled down at it. “Not yet.” He mumbled, glaring after the chattering group. He could hear Potter’s obnoxious laughter from here. He glanced at his wand again and gently stroked it until it calmed down. “Not yet.” He whispered and then narrowed his eyes and spun around, heading towards Transfiguration.

 

**Dec.19th, 1972**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus shivered in the cold night air as he clutched his cloak tighter around himself. He loved his new cloak. It was pitch black and so warm that he didn’t have to use a warming charm on himself before going outside. The headmaster had bought it for him during the summer when they had gone to Diagon Alley for their annual shopping trip. Severus had scowled and protested, saying cloaks were expensive and it was the summer time and too hot for a cloak, but the headmaster had smiled at him and bought the cloak anyway, saying it was a present for passing all of his exams with flying colors and special commendations from Professors Bodin and Flitwick.

Fawkes ruffled up his feathers from the cold as he glared around himself. “ _Would you two answer my question? Where are we going? It’s in the middle of the night and the library is most certainly not outside. Are we breaking into the greenhouse or something? Oh, Merlin! Why do we have to be outside when it’s so dreadfully cold? Why can’t we go back into the tunnels, light a nice fire and eat some chocolate frogs? Why do we have to do these dreadful things_?”

Severus scowled at the bird and whispered for him to be quiet.

They had crept out of the school through a hidden entrance they had found when they had explored all the tunnels. They were creeping around the side of the school, keeping close enough to the stone walls to avoid being seen by anyone but being careful not to touch the wards. The protective shields were invisible but Severus could feel the heat flowing from them and if he put his hand close enough, he could feel the magic snapping at his skin.

Severus scowled when he nearly touched one of the wards. “Why are there wards around the sides of the school anyway?” he grumbled quietly.

Fawkes sighed in his head. “ _So that nobody can get into the tunnels or into the dungeon. Those places are simply too close to the children. The Entrance Hall hardly ever has its wards up, but it doesn’t need them. If anybody breaks in there, they would have to pass by the teacher’s offices and Albus’ office in order to reach the children and the thought of anybody making it past them is simply laughable_.”

Severus nodded. That made sense. Up ahead of him, Gorgon was edging past the wall. Severus had cast a warming charm on him so he wouldn’t freeze to death wearing only his pillow case and no shoes. Suddenly, Gorgon stopped and had lifted a hand. Severus crept up to him and they squinted through the darkness around them. They could see the lights from Hagrid’s cabin across the lawn and could see a dark figure moving around inside. Severus bit his lip, worried that the giant might come outside and catch them. Gorgon edged up to him.

“Young master doesn’t need to worry. Master Hagrid won’t come outside unless he needs to. He is afraid of the dark, you see,” He whisperd in Elfish with a smirk.

Severus sneered at the cabin. “How do you know, Gorgon?” He whispered back in Elfish.

Gorgon shrugged. “People talk and say curious things and Gorgy listens.”

Fawkes sighed in Severus’ head and muttered something about eavesdropping and rudeness, but Severus ignored him. Keeping a careful eye on the cabin, they crept around the corner of the school until they were at the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

The dark trees loomed above them and the dark leaves rustled, harshly cutting through the silence around them.

Not at all concerned with the darkness and school policy, Severus and Gorgon crept forward, keeping low to the ground and dodging trees as they made their way into the forest.

Fawkes nearly squawked in alarm. “ _Where in the name of Merlin do you two think we’re going? No students are allowed in the Forbidden Forest at any time, especially at night! Do you have any idea what dreadful creatures lurk in here?_ ” Fawkes scolded, completely horrified. “ _I demand that we stop this craziness at once and that we return to the castle. We haven’t finished reading Versatchy’s horrible ninth volume yet. I’ll put up with that as long as we go back immediately_.”

Severus shot him an annoyed look. “Be quiet, bird, I’m trying to listen and it’s hard to do with you jabbering in my head. And you can forget about us going back. I’ve been wanting to explore the forest for months and Gorgon has wanted to see it too so we’re going to do this with or without you. You can either come along or you can sod off and go back to your precious cage and be a snot.”

Fawkes ruffled his feathers and twittered. “ _I am not a snot_.” He declared and raised his beak into the air. When a branch suddenly snapped beside them and something scurried into the undergrowth, Fawkes let out a muffled squawk and edged closer to Severus’ head, shaking.

“ _Oh, this is simply dreadful_.”

“Be quiet already. If you’re that much of a coward, you can go and cry with Myrtle in her bathroom. She’ll love the company.”

Fawkes paused and for a moment thought about how appealing that would be before shaking his head and forcing himself not to be a coward. He had stuck by his two comrades while exploring damp, abandoned tunnels and dark libraries. He could do this. Straightening up a bit and casting fearful glances around himself, he edged even closer to Severus and waited for the world to end.

The three of them quietly walked through the forest, stepping over fallen logs, edging past huge, looming trees and fighting their way through thick bushes and patches of undergrowth. Some of the trees were quietly mumbling to themselves and sleepily glanced up, barely noticing the three people who edged by. Small animals scurried around them, screeching and muttering amongst themselves. Owls hooted high above their heads, their eerie, lonely cries echoing through the dark forest.

As they went deeper into the forest, it started to become clearer to Severus why the Forest was off-limits for students, especially at night.

The trees towards the middle of the forest were much older and were apparently a bit mad. Some of them glared and cursed at them as they walked by, and some even tried to reach out with their branches and grab them, but Severus and Gorgon created a spurt of flames at the tip of their wands and the old trees immediately backed off. Enormous bats hung up side down from tree branches, barely stirring as they walked past. Small purple Kippers scurried past them, hissing at them and shaking their tiny fingers at them. Large spiders edged past them, struggling creatures clenched in their pincers. Most of the creatures left them alone, except for some annoying Red Caps who leapt at them from trees and tried to bludgeon them with their pick axes, but Fawkes become so furious and lunged at them with such a burst of magic that all of them flew backwards and then quickly scampered away beneath the roots of some trees. When Severus and Gorgon stared at the phoenix, Fawkes ruffled his feathers and blinked at them. “ _I don’t like Red Caps. They’re rude and entirely uncivilized._ ” He said, as a way of explanation. Severus raised an eyebrow and Gorgon nodded at him with a stunned look on his face when Severus told him what the phoenix had said. Shaking his head, Severus turned around and kept going.

After walking some more and avoiding a patch of suspiciously tame ivy which Severus recognized as being Clinging Vipers, they finally reached a large clearing.

All three of them stopped and stared in amazement. The entire clearing was filled with thestrals.

The large, eerie looking horses were either feeding or were quietly standing around, not paying any attention to the three curious strangers watching them. When compared to normal horses, thestrals were considered ugly and dangerous creatures. They didn’t have any flesh and their pitch black hide stretched tautly over their bones, which dug through the black hair. Their manes and tails were long and tangled and clumped with dirt and dried blood. Their large, leathery wings were folded up close to their sides but they ruffled them from time to time. Most of them were crowded around the bloody, half eaten carcass of what looked like a cow. Their white eyes rolled around in their reptilian, dragon like heads as they hissed and snapped at each other, trying to get at the best parts of their meal.

Severus frowned as he edged a little closer. “How did they get a cow? There aren’t any around here.”

Fawkes was doing his best not to look at the disgusting way the thestrals were tearing at the bloody flesh, blood dripping down their faces. “ _Hagrid feeds them. He gets the cows in Hogsmeade where a farmer apparates to every Sunday and brings a bunch of animals to sell._ ”

Severus nodded and continued watching the animals.

Gorgon’s eyes were huge. “They beautiful animals, young master. Not as crazy as old master’s thestrals were.”

Fawkes chuckled softly. “ _In that case, do inform him that some of these thestrals were brought over from your manor. Hagrid had quite a difficult time with them at first since they refused to eat the meat he offered them_ —”

“That’s because they were used to being fed muggles and mudbloods.” Severus mumbled, not taking his eyes off them.

Fawkes stared at him with wide, horrified eyes before continuing. “ _Anyway, after a few months, they started interacting with the other thestrals and they’ve become quite calmer and they don’t give Hagrid any more problems._ ”

Severus nodded and quietly told Gorgon what Fawkes had said. After they sat there for a while, quietly watching them, Severus finally stood up. Fawkes sighed with relief, thinking that they were finally going back and leaving this darkness and dreadfulness behind. That’s why he nearly started crying when Severus started walking into the clearing.

Gorgon frowned as he scampered after his young master. “Uhm, where we going, young master?”

“To see the thestrals. I want to speak to them.”

“Uhm, speak? Gorgy not sure if young master knows that even though thestrals understand human language, uhm, young master not understand thestral language.”

Ignoring him, Severus strode towards a small group of thestrals which stood a bit removed from the crowd around the carcass.

As they got closer and the smell of rotting flesh engulfed them, Fawkes nearly fainted. “ _Good Merlin! How can you stand that smell_?”

Severus frowned. “What smell?”

Fawkes stared at him. “ _What do you mean, what smell? It’s nauseating. It’s all the food that’s been rotting in this clearing for years because Hagrid can’t be bothered to clean it up._ ”

Severus frowned and sniffed around before he finally realized what Fawkes was talking about.

“ _Oh, that smell. I’m used to it. The dungeon and the workshop always stunk like it_.”

Severus confidently walked up to the thestrals and crossed his arms, staring at them.

“Excuse me.” He said loudly.

At first, the thestrals gave no reaction to having heard him, but finally, two of them slowly turned their heads and stared at him, their white eyes eerily reflecting the moonlight shining into the clearing.

“I’m wondering if either of you two would teach me how to ride.” He said, looking at the two of them as if this was the most natural thing in the world.

Right away, Gorgon gaped at him in horror and Fawkes started shrieking in his head about how he was insane and this was inappropriate and they should return to the castle at once.

One of the thestrals bared his teeth, revealing rows of sharp fangs and promptly turned away from him. The other thestral continued calmly staring at him for a long moment before finally snorting softly. The soft, gentle snort sounded strange coming from the vicious, dark creature.

The thestral took a few steps towards him, heavy black hoofs thudding on the ground. Then the thestral calmly knelt onto her front knees and bowed her head.

Ignoring Fawkes shrieks and Gorgon’s horrified expression, Severus swung himself onto the thestral’s back, his legs in front of the folded wings. Reaching down, he hauled Gorgon’s complaining form up behind him and told him to hang on very tightly. Then he wrapped his hands into the thestrals thick, tangled mane and told her they were ready to go.

“Uhm, Gorgy really not thinking this is good idea.”

“ _Good idea? This isn’t even a sane idea! Get off this creature at once, Severus. This is dreadful_!”

Slowly, the thestrals rose up and then slowly started walking around the clearing. The other thestrals barely glanced up as she passed by, as if eleven year old boys with their elf and a phoenix showed up every night to go riding.

Severus clamped his legs around her and shifted around, seating himself more firmly before telling her she could go faster.

“Faster? Oh, Gorgy really not know about that, young master.”

“ _Faster?! Oh, we’re going to die. This is dreadful. We are going to die, simply die_!”

The thestral snorted softly again and started trotting and then cantering. Severus finally got the hang of how to move with the horses movements and pretty soon he loosened his grip in the black mane, feeling secure enough.

Gorgon was still gripping his cloak with both hands, burying his face in it and muttering to himself and Fawkes clamped his talons so hard into Severus shoulder that he nearly cried out. The phoenix was still screeching and hysterical and had squeezed his eyes shut and refused to open them since he “ _didn’t want to see the world end like this_ ”.

Finally, Severus gently pulled back on the thestrals’ mane to stop her and then asked if she could fly them around a bit.

At that, Gorgon gave a horrified squeak and Fawkes nearly fainted, but they both tightened their grips as the thestral slowly unfolded her massive wings. Severus nearly got his legs caught under one and had to shift around quickly to avoid being thrown off. When the large, bat like wings were unfolded, she started gently flapping them, the wind rustling beneath them. Then she waited until Severus had tightened his grip and made sure that Gorgon and Fawkes were holding on tightly enough. Then she slowly started cantering around the clearing until she pushed off the ground and lifted off.

At first, Severus felt himself sliding backwards and for a moment, he panicked, thinking he would fall off, but then he felt his legs catching on the front of her wings. As the wind and the night sky rushed past him, he stared around himself in amazement. They climbed higher and higher in the sky, slowly circling the clearing the dark forest. In the distance, he could see the tall towers of the school. The cool, night air rushed past him and he listened to the calm, rhythmic beating of the thestral’s wings.

“Gorgon, we’re flying.” He whispered. Gorgon peeked out from behind the cloak he was clutching with a death grip and right away, gasped in horror when he saw how high up they were.

“Yes, yes, Gorgy see, young master. Absolutely beautiful view but Gorgy really thinking we should go back down now.” He quickly muttered before squeezing his eyes shut and burying his face in his young masters cloak again.

Fawkes had slowly opened his eyes and was curiously looking around himself. It seemed like the phoenix was more at ease now, doing something that he regularly did. “ _Well, I’ve flown at this altitude many times before, but never at night. I must say the castle looks very nice from up here_.”

Severus gave him a small grin, loving the feeling of being so high above everything else and doing something nobody else could. Fawkes quietly chuckled at the sparkle which had lit up in Severus’ eyes and the way he stared at everything in amazement, a small, content smile on his face.

After flying around for a bit longer, the thestral slowly flew back to the clearing and gently landed with a quiet thud and then knelt down again while Severus slid off and helped a shaking, still terrified Gorgon down. When Gorgon immediately collapsed on the ground, Severus sighed and bent down and half picked him up and half dragged him.

Turning to the thestral, he gave her a bow. “Thank you very much. Would it be alright if we came back some other time?”

She nodded and snorted softly again. Thanking her again, Severus turned around and swept out of the clearing, listening to Gorgon’s mutterings about how he was too old to be doing this and Fawkes relieved sighs that they would be back in the castle soon.

 

*             *             *

 

They came back many times that year, despite Gorgon’s and Fawkes’ protests. Gorgon hated flying and Fawkes hated the Forest, but neither of them were willing to let Severus go alone, so they always went with him, complaining and whining the entire way and always thinking they were never going to see the castle again. Whenever they went, the same thestral always came forward and never seemed to mind running around the clearing or flying around the Forest and the castle with a human, elf and a phoenix on her back. After a few times, Severus had given her a choice of five different names and she had calmly listened to them all and snorted at one, picking it as her own. Her name became Xira.

It wasn’t until much later that all three of them would find out that the headmaster knew about their little escapades and had many conversations with Xira and was always reassured by her that she would never cause them any harm and that she had warned the other creatures in the forest to leave her night time visitors alone when they came to visit her.

 

**Mar. 30th, 1973**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus sighed softly as he glared at the large orange sitting on his desk. With a flick of his wand and a half hearted mutter of the incantation, the orange shivered slightly before changing into pair of socks. For a moment, he amused himself by changing the color of the socks and enchanting the black snakes on them to wriggle around a bit. After a bit of concentration, he managed to make the socks dark green with silver streaks winding around the black snakes, making them perfect Slytherin socks.

He heard Potter snorting with laughter at something and glanced up. His favourite group of snots was sitting towards the front of the class. Potter had put up his transfiguration textbook to hide the fact that he was nearly dying from laughter at the sight of Black’s orange turning into a pair of moldy, orange skinned socks. Black was beside himself with amusement at his incompetence. Potter leaned over and clapped him on the back while an exasperated Lupin leaned over from his own desk to help them. After carefully explaining it for the millionth time, Lupin coaxed him into trying it again. Sighing, Black casually looked around himself. Seeing that nobody was watching, he quickly transfigured his orange properly. Lupin smiled at him and clapped him on the back while Pettigrew gasped and clapped in amazement. The mousy boy’s orange lay forgotten on his own desk. As soon as some people started watching again, Black went back to messing up his incantations and making Potter nearly fall onto the floor, holding his sides.

Professor McGonagall swept down the aisles towards them and for the hundredth time told Black to do it properly or she’d throw him out of class. He casually leaned back in his chair and stared up at her, the picture of arrogance. Potter snorted that she shouldn’t bother throwing him out since he made class interesting at least.

Professor McGonagall shot them both glares and demanded that Black sit up straight and Potter watch his attitude. With grumbles and exaggerated sighs which made Pettigrew’s eyes glow with admiration, they sat up straight and shut their mouths.

Severus looked at them with disgust as he quietly levitated his socks and made them spin through the air. Professor McGonagall shot him an amused but stern look and he sighed and lowered his socks.

Black and Potter had stopped fooling around and were casually glancing around the class, laughing and joking around with their neighbors. Lupin suggested that they keep practicing, but Potter scoffed and said he already knew how to do it with his eyes closed. Black laughed and said that any moron could do it. Sighing softly and smiling with exasperation at his two friends, Lupin went back to practicing.

Potter was casually looking around the classroom until his eyes suddenly met with Severus’. Severus quickly lowered his eyes and busied himself with his socks, but it was too late. He’d seen the smile erupting on Potter’s face and saw him nudging Black with his elbow and nod his chin at him. Black spun around in his chair and both of them grinned at him, eyes sparkling with ill humor.

Severus kept his eyes on his socks, changing their color from dark green to black and then back again. He heard the two of them whispering to each other.

Deciding to ignore them, he changed his socks back to an orange. Moments later, the orange exploded, juice and bits of pulp spraying everything around him, including himself. His textbook and parchment were soaked with orange juice and the sticky mess coated his face and robe and his desk. His neighbors screeched and yelled in annoyance when they found themselves covered with it too.

Immediately, Severus jerked his eyes up to Potter and Black. Potter was casually twirling his wand around in his hands and Black grinned at him. “Messed up a bit on the spell, eh, Snivellus? Maybe the orange didn’t like being handled by filth.” Potter erupted into howling laughter at that comment. Pettigrew was smiling and clapping and Lupin was staring at his orange but his wand lay on his desk.

Severus glared at the two of them, his jaw clenched and his eyes flashing. Everyone around him was chuckling at him now, hissing that at least he smelt a bit better now and that the orange juice really improved his looks.

Feeling those amused looks on him only fuelled his anger and he clenched his hand around his wand. The anger rose up within him and he wanted nothing more than to torture the two idiots to death. Then the laughter would stop and that feeling of worthlessness gnawing at him would finally evaporate.

Before he had a chance to unleash his anger, Professor McGonagall swept down the aisles towards him, a stern frown on her face. She quickly took in his shaking jaw and the way he was glaring at Black and Potter.

She frowned and quickly muttered a cleaning charm at his robe, hair, belongings and his neighbors, making the sticky orange juice disappear. Then she stuck her wand back into her robe and crossed her arms. “What happened here, Mr. Snape?” she waited patiently for him to say that it had been Potter and Black and she could send the two of them up to the headmaster and finally run her class normally without those two clowns.

For a long moment, he continued glaring at the two grinning idiots, his eyes flashing with hatred. Then he slowly glanced up at the Professor.

“I mispronounced the stupid incantation,” He said quietly, not a trace of emotion on his face.

McGonagall raised an eyebrow. She knew as well as he did that he was lying. “Are you sure?”

Severus glared at Potter and Black, who were smugly staring back at him, smiling to each other.

Oh, he wouldn’t be smiling if he were them. Telling on them and letting them be scolded by the headmaster wouldn’t be enough for him. Oh, no. That was a coward’s revenge. It wasn’t his revenge.

He stared at McGonagall, his gaze unwavering. “Yes, Professor. I am.”

 

*             *             *

 

He got his revenge later on that night after leaving the Great Hall after dinner. He had made sure he was finished at the same time as Potter. When the tall Gryffindor boy stood up and sauntered out of the hall, yelling good night to everyone and telling Black he’ll catch up with in the dormitory, Severus stood up and slowly followed him out.

Knowing exactly where the Gryffindor dormitories were, Severus slipped around a corner and cut through a few corridors, arriving at the portrait a few minutes before Potter. He quickly looked around the hallway. There was a stairwell heading up to the next floor at the end of the corridor and there was no way Potter would ever look in there. He quickly ran over to it and crouched down, letting himself just see a small sliver of the hallway. He had a clear view of the portrait and a large stone statue of some old wizard a few feet from the common room entrance. Pulling his wand out, he waited.

Very soon, he heard Potter trotting up the staircase and walking down the corridor, humming to himself.

Severus waited until he caught sight of the other boy before carefully pointing his wand at Potter’s feet and muttering a quiet hex.

Immediately, Potter’s legs twisted around each other. With a shout and flailing arms, Potter fell over. Severus yanked him across the floor towards the stone statue, immobilizing his arms against his sides. Ignoring the confused yells and cries of “What the bloody hell?”, Severus pulled him until he was lying right above the stone statue’s feet. Muttering another incantation, he quietly watched as Potter’s head slammed into the stone statue, his nose shattering with a sickening crunch. Potter screamed in pain and tried to tear his magic bound hands up to protect his face, but Severus quickly forced him to slam his head into the statue again. Blood streamed from his broken nose and the cuts on his face and covered the statue and flooded the floor around him.

Potter was sobbing and screaming from pain and fear, still having no idea who his vicious attacker was.

Severus sat there, smiling and loving the feeling of power and control which flooded him. Now he was in control. He could make the stupid bastard beg for his life if he wanted to. He wanted nothing better than to walk out there and sneer down at the pathetic fool and demand to know who the tough one was now.

After letting Potter slam his head into the statue one more time, Severus quickly removed all the spells from him and muttered “Obliviate” at him. He saw Potter slowly turning his tear and blood streaked face around himself, frowning in confusion as tears of pain still ran down his face.

“What the hell?” he whispered to himself.

Severus sneered at him one more time before silently creeping up the stairway, leaving Potter there on the floor.

He was feeling immensely satisfied with himself as he cut through a corridor and headed towards the empty classroom that led to his chute. Suddenly, there was a bright silver flash beside him. Fawkes landed on his shoulder and glared at him.

“ _I hope you’re happy now_.”

Severus sneered. “I am, actually.”

Fawkes twittered in obvious disgust. “ _I can’t believe you. Yes, Black and Potter humiliated you, but did they ever physically hurt you like that? No, they didn’t. Albus has discussed this with you at length, Severus. There is a_ —”

“A bloody line, I know.” He interrupted the bird with a snarl.

“ _Yes, there is, and you just stepped way past it! What you did back there was completely unacceptable. Yes, they’re horrible and annoying, but they’ve never hurt you like that and nor will they ever. And that makes them better than you, Severus. Is that what you want? To have arrogant clowns like them be better than you? You’re worth much more than them but everytime you do something like this you destroy that_.”

Severus twisted around and threw the bird off his shoulder with a snarl. “Why can’t you understand, bird? I’m not worth more than them! I’m not worth anything, except for when I’m hurting them, then I feel like I’m worth something and if that disgust you and the rest of the stupid, holier than thou Gryffindors in the castle, than so be it!” He yelled and then spun on his heels and walked into the abandoned classroom, slamming the door behind him.

 

*             *             *

 

Severus lay awake all night, thinking over what had happened. That feeling of power and satisfaction had long ago faded and been replaced with anger at Fawkes and the headmaster and then anger at Potter and Black and then anger at himself. He actually regretted what he had done. This disgusted him so badly that he wanted to slam his own head into the wall until these stupid thoughts and feelings went away. After tossing and turning and wrestling with that tiny blooming light within him which was slowly developing into the conscience he never knew he was capable of getting, he finally got up and left a slumbering Gorgon on the bed and went up to see the headmaster.

Striding into the office unannounced, he walked up to the headmaster’s desk, sent a scathing look at a preening Fawkes who sat in his cage, and right away told the headmaster exactly what he had done the night before.

The headmaster quietly sipped his hot chocolate and listened to Severus’ words without interuption.

“—and now for some stupid reason, I actually feel bad about what I did. All I could think about the entire night was that the stupid git would lie there the whole night and bleed to death if nobody found him and then all I could think about was that they’d hurt me too but I would never die from orange juice or from tripping down a small flight of stairs. And then I realized that that stupid line you were going on and on about really did exist and that essay I wrote was all true and the stupid bird was right and that I had gone too far and for some stupid reason, I felt bad. I mean, I never felt bad before. I’d made loads of muggles and mudbloods kill themselves and hurt themselves really badly and I never used to care, but for some stupid reason, I care now. And I don’t like it,” He yelled, slamming a fist onto the headmaster’s desk and glaring at him.

The headmaster calmly stared at him and then cleared his throat and gestured for the enraged, confused child to have a seat.

“I don’t want to sit down, I want you to make this go away! I want to go back to feeling nothing but satisfaction when I hurt someone or something.”

The headmaster smiled softly. Immediately, Severus slammed another fist onto the table. “And don’t smile at me like that!”

Immediately, the headmaster forced his smile to fade somewhat. “I apologize. Now, I realize you’re agitated and obviously upset, but I’m getting a crink in my neck from looking up at you and my desk will have an awful dent in it if you keep hitting it, so please, for both the desk and my sakes, have a seat.”

Sighing with frustration, Severus scowled at him and dropped into the seat, glaring across the desk at the headmaster.

They stared at each other for a long moment, one of them glaring in confusion and anger and the other in quiet contemplation. Finally, the headmaster conjured up another cup of hot chocolate and sent it drifting over to him. Severus mumbled a thank you and took the cup and quietly sipped it. Chocolate always calmed him down and the headmaster knew it as well as he did.

The headmaster cleared his throat and adjusted his half moon spectacles on the bridge of his nose.

“You’ll be glad to know that Mr. Black found Mr. Potter only a few minutes after you left him and took him to the infirmary. I believe Madame Pomfrey says he suffered minimal blood loss, a broken nose and cuts to his face but she’s fixed him up and he’ll be attending classes as usual today. Your memory altering charm worked efficiently enough and if it wouldn’t have been used in such circumstance, I would congratulate you on the excellent display of magic, however, Mr. Potter doesn’t remember the attack and seems to think he tripped on his way to the dormitories and slammed his face into the statue. I told Madame Pomfrey to encourage that thought so I doubt you’ll have a very angry Mr. Black and Mr. Potter on your back.”

Severus nodded, feeling immensely relieved that he wouldn’t have to put up with Potter and Black’s wrath. A small part of him also felt smug that Potter now thought he was a clumsy oaf. Imagine the wonderful, amazing Quidditch Chaser thinking he had two left feet. Severus was about to smugly smile at himself, when he remembered that if Black wouldn’t have found him, Potter would have been off much worse. That made him remember how Potter had screamed and cried from the pain and the fear. He felt that gnawing feeling of regret well up within himself again and bit his lip and stared down into his cup.

The headmaster leaned forward and clasped his hands on his desk.

“My dear, what you’re feeling is the effects of your conscience.”

Severus narrowed his eyes at him from behind curtains of black hair. The headmaster flicked his wand at him and the strands gently smoothed themselves behind his ears.

“There’s no need to hide, my dear. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it’s something to be proud of. And would you please look at me, my dear.”

Severus scowled but didn’t try to sink behind his hair again and raised his eyes and held the steady blue gaze. “Well, I don’t want the bloody thing. It’s inconvenient.”

The headmaster smiled and sighed. “Well, I’ll admit, at times, it is a nuisance, but in the long run, it prevents us from having too many regrets in life. It forces us to think about our actions and their consequences before we do them. I know you’re not used to it, but believe me, it’ll get easier to deal with. I don’t want you to push it away. I want you to listen to it and when it tells you that it wouldn’t be recommendable to do something, then you should refrain from doing it.”

Severus stared at him for a long moment before softly sighing and then standing up. Putting the cup onto the desk, he sighed again and crossed his arms.

“You know, back in the manor, life was so much simpler. Father had laid out the rules when I was two years old and the rules never changed. It was simple.”

“But was it very pleasant to live with?”

Severus sighed. “No. But neither is living with a conscience.”

The headmaster chuckled. “Try it out for a while before making such a judgement, my dear. Now, get downstairs. I believe they’re serving breakfast in a few minutes.”

Nodding and mumbling a thank you, Severus walked out of the office. Trying to sort out the jumble of feelings twisting inside of him was nerve wracking and by the time he arrived at the Great Hall, he was scowling around himself and hating everything and everyone around him and he finally decided to shove all these complicated feelings aside and concentrate on his breakfast and his classes and going for a ride with Xira that night and playing chess with the Bloody Baron. Damn this conscience thing.

 

**May 27th, 1973**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus rose a foot above the Hufflepuff table before becoming distracted by Sir Nick gliding out of the Great Hall. Moments later, he felt himself crashing onto the table, his wand flying out of his hand and his chin slamming onto the tabletap.

“Shit!” he swore between clenched teeth as he shoved himself back up.

Gorgon sighed and came hurrying over. “Young master not use such language, terribly rude and people think I raised young master wrong.”

Severus scowled at him and stamped his foot on the bench, frustrated and angry. Gorgon waved away his temper and yanked his chin up and carefully inspected it for the swollen bump he knew he’d find there. Sighing and muttering to himself, he pulled out his wand and quickly fixed it with a healing charm.

“Why didn’t it bloody work, elf? I did everything you said.”

Gorgon shook his head. “No. True, young master did wand motions correctly and started levitating correctly, but then made major mistake. Same mistake as past nine times. Young master got distracted. Gorgy has been over this a million times. In magic, nobody can get distracted or loose control. If do then loose control of spell and horrible things can happen, like somebody being killed or castle blowing up, or eleven year olds slamming their chins onto table top.”

Severus shot him a dirty look and then bit his lip, angry with himself. “I’m so stupid, elf. Why can’t I do this? It’s supposed to be simple.”

Gorgon firmly shook his head. “No, no, no. Young master not stupid. Young master still young and still learning. Everybody makes mistakes when learning. Evil Sir Grindelwald made many mistakes and Gorgy bet own life that headmaster and Professor McGonagall and other great wizards made mistakes when they learn. Young master just have to learn not to give up and keep trying hard and will work, Gorgy promises.”

When Severus didn’t respond and angrily glared at the floor, Gorgon sighed softly and edged closer to him and turned his chin so the dark, frustrated eyes were looking at him.

“So, Gorgy made promise that it will work, now will young master promise that he not think he stupid?”

Severus sighed. “I am if I can’t do this.”

Gorgon sighed softly and knew it was pointless to continue this argument, which they had fought hundreds of times in the past. It was time to switch to his other, always more successful plan. “Then it simple. We simply do it again and keep going until we did it.”

Sighing and nodding, Severus pushed himself up and stood back onto the large table. He glanced around himself and spied his wand lying on the floor. Narrowing his eyes at it and concentrating, he mentally called his wand to him, using the bond which always forms between wizards and their loyal dark wands. Moments later, the wand shook slightly and rose into the air and immediately zoomed over to him, stopping an inch from his nose. Severus gave it a small smile and nodded. Grabbing it, he took a deep breath and glanced at his elf, who was sitting a few feet in front of him. The elf was sitting cross-legged with a heavy ‘Self-Charms’ textbook open beside him.

“Okay, so we start from beginning. Stand with feet shoulder width apart and take slow, deep breath. Now hold wand so that both index fingers at either end of wand so magic can flow through wand and through body.” The elf wasn’t looking at the textbook as he spoke, having already memorized the instructions and as always, adding a few old elf wisdoms in it at the same time. He was attempting to demonstrate how magic flowed through a person’s body and was making elaborate hand motions everywhere and swaying from side to side.

Severus ignored his elf’s eccentrics, already long used to them and started breathing deeply. He planted his feet correctly and held his wand horizontally. He was about to put his index fingers at the tips of his wand, when he suddenly frowned and forgot about his breathing.

“Gorgon?”

The old elf had gotten so involved with his demonstration that he had stood up and was swaying all around, lifting one leg in the air and twirling all around, all the while, shouting “Flowing, flowing!” at Severus. When he heard Severus call his name, he tried to stop mid-‘flow’ but his momentum threw him off balance and he promptly fell off the table with a thud.

Severus sighed softly and briefly closed his eyes, a small smile tugging on the corner of his lips as Gorgon muttered “Grindelwald!” under his breath and started apologizing to the floor, Severus and the table for falling. At times like these, Severus knew he would fight heaven and hell for his elf, the only person who could make him really smile and sometimes even laugh with pure joy and amusement.

Hopping off the table, Severus leaned down and hauled the elf back onto his feet and then climbed back onto the table with him.

After making sure Gorgon was sitting firmly on the table, Severus frowned down at him, having remembered his question.

“Why do I have to hold my wand like that to make my magic flow properly? You don’t have to and the people in the book don’t either.”

Gorgon shook his head. “Gorgy is elf, young master and can do many things without wand, and people in book have been practicing for years and can hold wand differently since learned how to make magic flow without using wand as help. This—” he waved his hand at the textbook with a slight wrinkle of his nose. “This not beginners textbook. This crap. We do it Gorgy’s way and then later, we do it their crap way.”

Severus thought it over and then decided that, as always, his elf was right. Nodding, he went back to planting his feet correctly, breathing deeply and holding his wand properly.

“Okay, now close eyes. This not necessary, but easier for concentration.”

Severus obediently closed his eyes.

“Now young master imagine magic flowing like water through him, from head to toe and swirling all around and filling every corner of him before flowing back into wand through finger and then back out into other finger. Now young master carefully breath in and try to make mind grab that flowing magic and force it upwards out of head. Try to pull magic up to ceiling. Concentrate very hard and ignore everything else and only think about pulling magic to ceiling. Breath in and out, very slowly and everytime breath in, pull magic upwards.”

Severus frowned in deep concentration as he felt the tingle of magic flowing through him. Gently, he reached out with his mind and grabbed hold of it and tried to pull it upwards. All the previous times they had done this, he had pulled too hard and lost his grip at the last minute or he had gotten distracted and lost his grip on it.

Now he pulled gently but firmly and concentrated only on his breathing and pulling. Slowly, he felt his feet lifting from the table, but instead of smiling and losing his concentration, he kept breathing and pulling, feeling himself slowly drifting upwards.

“Okay, now young master slowly open eyes but don’t lose concentration.”

Slowly, Severus opened his eyes and stared around himself in amazement, while carefully keeping his breathing controlled and keeping a firm grip on the magic flowing through him. If he even lost that grip a tiny bit, he’d go crashing back onto the table.

He slowly looked down and saw that he was a good two meters above the table. Gorgon was looking up at him, nodding and constantly telling him to breathe and hold and breathe and hold. Severus kept going and forced himself slightly higher until he was a meter or so away from the enchanted ceiling. This close to it, he could see the outlines of the vaulted wooden beams which made up the ceiling and had been enchanted to look like the night sky outside.

“Good, good. Young master doing very good. Now, try to pull magic a little over to side. Gently and slowly and breathing normally.”

Ignoring the ceiling above him, Severus carefully pulled the magic over a bit and found himself gently drifting to the side. Pulling a little harder, he felt himself jerk to the side with a surprised gasp.

“Not that hard, young master! Will lose grip! Now, we call it quits for today. Gently let go of magic, not entirely, but loosen grip a little and carefully control descent.”

Severus wanted to start arguing with him and say that he wanted to fly around the entire Hall, but knew that if he said a word, his grip would slip and he’d go crashing onto the tile floor of the Hall, many feet below him.

Gently loosening his grip, he felt himself drop gently towards the floor. Carefully trying different amounts of loosening, he finally found a pace at which he gently drifted down onto the table before he landed with both feet on the wooden top.

For a moment, they both stared at each other without a word, before Gorgon squealed and threw himself around his young master’s legs, hugging him tightly and bursting into tears.

“Oh, Gorgy knew young master could do it! You see? Young master brilliant and so talented! Oh, Gorgy knew! Gorgy knew!” he sobbed.

Severus was shaking slightly, the after effects of having concentrated so hard, but he too was smiling happily and felt better about himself than he had in a long time.

As he absentmindly rubbed small circles on his elf’s back, Severus thought about what the headmaster had told him quite some time ago. About how someone’s worth can be judged by their actions and their talents. He smiled to himself. Well, he hadn’t hurt anybody, he hadn’t killed anybody and hadn’t done anything ‘unacceptable’ (disregarding school policy on being awake at two o’clock in the morning) and he felt better and prouder of himself than he had in a long time. At that moment, he didn’t care what Black and Potter and the rest of those idiots thought. All he knew was that he was proud of himself and Gorgon was proud of him too.

 

**June 2nd, 1973**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus carefully kept his heavy transfiguration textbook levitated above his head as he climbed up the chute with one hand, his wand in the other.

His elf’s anxious voice piped up from behind him. “ _Are we sure this is right chute_?”

Severus scowled and nearly dropped the book. “Of course I’m sure, Gorgon. We’ve gone to the kitchen dozens of times before. This one leads to the boarded up fireplace and the other chute leads to the actual fireplace the elves use. If we were going up the wrong one, we’d have burned our hands off by now.”

Moments later, they reached the brick wall boarding up the fireplace. Pressing the right brick, Severus watched as the wall vanished. Wriggling forward, he grabbed his textbook and threw it in front of him and then climbed out of the chute and onto the stone tiles of the kitchen, crawling along on his stomach.

Immediately, he heard a squeal and the clapping of excited hands. Moments later, he spied two madly hopping feet an inch away from his face. He sighed against the cold floor.

“Gabrielle, you’re going to stomp me into the ground one of these days. Quit hopping around and help Gorgon out of the chute.”

Giving another squeal at learning Gorgon was with him, she nearly trampelled him as she hurried over to the fireplace.

Severus slowly climbed onto his feet and brushed the dust off his robe and then levitated his textbook and tossed it onto the table. All the elves glanced up from their work or from their socializing and gave him wide grins, yelling a greeting to “young Master Severus”. Since it was two in the morning, all the dishes had been washed and there wasn’t any cooking going on and most of them were sitting on the counter tops or on small stools by the working fireplace and were chattering amongst themselves and drinking from mugs of butterbeer, the warm fire crackling in front of them.

While he was staring around, Mixie and another elf—Severus thought her name was Kibby— jumped up and ran to the pantry and came back with handfuls of chocolate frogs.

Severus gave them a small smile and thanked them.

“Not a problem, love giving food to Master Severus.” Kibby chirped happily while Mixie nodded quietly, smiling.

Severus glanced around the kitchen, looking to see if Sir Nick and the others had arrived yet. They had agreed to meet at two o’clock in the kitchen and make Myrtle’s deathday cake. Although Sir Nick, the Baron, the other ghosts and Myrtle herself couldn’t eat the cake, they had all agreed that they would voluntarily take turns cleaning her bathroom for a month, like they did every year. The Bloody Baron had absolutely refused to have anything to do with the kitchen so they had all agreed that he would be in charge of keeping Myrtle busy in her bathroom and keep the nosy girl from poking her head up the kitchen sink and spying their preparations.

Severus quietly munched on a frog, looking around at the comfortable, cheerful room filled with warmth, and laughing and clapping elves and the bright glint of hundreds of pots and pans hanging from the ceiling.

He spied Gorgon and Gabby sitting in a corner, holding hands and leering at each other. Rolling his eyes, he walked over to the fridge and pulled it open, inspecting his drinking options.

Suddenly, Rudy appeared at his elbow. “If Master Severus wants, there is some butterbeer left in jug here.” The elf reached past him and pulled out a jug. Severus grinned. Rudy glanced at him and winked, putting a finger to his lips. “But Master Severus never heard this from Rudy, of course.”

Severus nodded, grabbing the jug from him. “Of course.”

With another wink and a grin, the elf hurried back to the fireplace and continued his conversation.

Severus turned to the cupboard at the far end of the kitchen, knowing exactly where everything was since he and Gorgon cleaned every corner of the kitchen nearly three times a  week every summer.

Using his wand, he opened the cupboard and summoned a glass to himself and then shut the door. Pouring himself a drink, he put the jug back into the fridge and leaned on the counter.

He glanced around the table and fiddled around with a wooden spoon and then his eyes caught sight of his transfiguration textbook. He grimaced. His exam was tomorrow morning. Since it was two in the morning, his exam was technically this morning. He wasn’t worried about it at all, having hardly learned anything this year that he hadn’t previously read about many years ago and practiced with Gorgon, but his elf insisted that he look over the material and practice everything one last time.

He sighed, pulling a face at the thought of having to practice turning pieces of fruit into articles of clothing and changing a mouse’s coat into various colors. Simplistic and childish nonsense.

Sighing again, he was about to reach over and pull the textbook an inch closer to himself, when there a bright silver flash beside him.

“Finally.” Severus muttered at the phoenix as Fawkes materialized beside him on the counter and peered around with interest.

“ _What is this muttering? It hardly looks like I’m the last one here. Speaking of late arrivals, where is everybody_?” Fawkes twittered with disapproval. “ _One would think that ghosts have enough time on their hands to learn how to be punctual. I mean, what else does Sir Nicholas have to do today_?”

Severus shrugged. “I haven’t the foggiest idea, but since neither of us are ghosts, I don’t think we’ve got any right to judge a ghost’s punctuality.”

Fawkes rolled his dark eyes at him and shook out his red feathered wings.

For a moment, they looked around the kitchen. Severus had unwrapped another chocolate frog and had broken it in half and handed half of it to Fawkes. Suddenly, Fawkes spied his textbook lying on the table and cocked his head at him.

“ _Say, don’t you have your transfiguration exam in less than seven hours_?”

Severus narrowed his eyes at him and was about to retort an answer when a dozen or so heads suddenly popped out of the kitchen wall and came drifting in, their vapoury bodies trailing after them. Sir Nick glided in after the rest and carefully counted everyone and then nodded, beaming at Severus. “It appears that we’re all present and accounted for, except for the Baron, who is busy with Myrtle and for Peeves, whom we’ve managed to jam inside a sink. I do believe it will take him a good few hours to free himself and we don’t have to worry about any interuptions.”

Severus nodded. All the elves had scampered to their feet and were hurriedly pushing their stools out of the way. Everyone—elves, ghosts, phoenix and wizard—gathered around the table.

Since Mixie was the oldest and the most responsible, she had drawn up a list of duties and handed it to Gabby, who grinned and climbed onto the table, holding the list as if it was a declaration from a king.

She squealed once, just from pure excitement and hopped around. Severus snatched his glass off the table just in time and Fawkes squawked and flew onto Severus’ shoulder, fearing those enthusiastic feet would trample his beloved and long tail to pieces.

She took a deep breath, but before she could launch into the list, the door was slightly pushed open and a small figure slunk in. Severus craned his neck around Gabby and looked through Sir Nick and saw that it was Mrs. Norris.

Severus raised an eyebrow, but ignored her. The cat had started spending more and more time with them, although she never joined in or participated in any way. Very predictably, she let her eyes slowly roam around the room and then curled up in front of the fireplace, promptly going to sleep. A part of Severus wondered whether Filch had sent her to keep an eye on them, but then dismissed that. Mrs. Norris would be a much more useful spy keeping an eye on the common room entrances in the hallways upstairs and catching students sneaking out. Technically, he didn’t count as one of those students. Mrs. Norris had never gone and complained to Filch about his nightly escapades and would just stare at him silently and ignore him, which was fine by Severus.

Severus tore his eyes off the slumbering cat and started paying attention to Gabby again, who was managing to get through the list with a minimal amount of clapping and squealing.

He found out that he was in charge of preparing the icing with Mixie, the Fat Friar and Gorgon. When the list was done, Gabby clapped her hands and squeaked that they should all “Get to it, quickly, quickly!”

A few minutes later, the kitchen was in an uproar. Elves rushed around, squealing and giggling to each other. Pots lifted off the hooks in the ceiling and floated around. Cupboards flew open and measuring cups, sacks of sugar and flour and mixing bowls zoomed around the place. Spoons and knives flew out of drawers and the fridge door was madly flapping open and shut as milk and various other ingredients zoomed around, passing around giggling elves heads and tearing right through chuckling ghosts. Severus walked over to the counter where Mixie was already preparing a mixing bowl and the various ingredients they needed. Fawkes was grumbling loudly in his head about the noise and the disorganization in the place and Gorgon was sighing heavily over the fact that he couldn’t work with Gabby.

Mixie shot him a big smile when Severus stepped up to the counter and rolled up his sleeves. She pointed at the butter and held up three fingers, indicating how many slices he should cut.

Turning towards the drawer, he flicked his wand at it and summoned a knife to him. As it flew towards him, Severus yanked his wand around a bit, chasing some elves around the kitchen. Rudy let out a shriek and dove beneath the table when the knife headed straight for him and Sir Nick laughed heartily when it soared right through him. Right afterwards, he clutched his stomach, pretending it had stabbed him. In his enthusiastic demonstration, he knocked over Gabby, who was standing over a huge flour sack and had her head stuck inside of it. With a shriek and flailing arms, she fell right into the sack. Sir Nick and another elf quickly rushed over and hauled her laughing, flour covered self out of the sack.

Severus burst out laughing when he saw her and nearly missed catching the knife as it reached him. The Fat Friar was beside him, staring at the butter and Mixie, asking for the millionth time what the butter was for. Severus sighed at him and told him to just float around and be of use somewhere else. Nodding and looking slighty dazed—as he always did—the Hufflepuff ghost drifted off, staring around himself without the slightest idea as to why he was here.

Gorgon had hoisted himself onto the counter and was measuring out cups of sugar for Mixie, who then levitated them and dumped them into the mixing bowl.

When Severus turned back to his chunk of butter with the knife, he found himself being too lazy to actually cut it. With a wicked grin, he pulled out his wand and levitated the knife carefully above the butter. Taking careful aim and angling the knife right, he let it drop. With a thunk, the knife hit the half frozen butter and wedged itself half way through it. Sighing, Severus used his wand to yank it out and then raised it and let it fall, yanking his wand down with it to add more momentum. The knife hit the butter at a completely different spot than it had previously but left a far deeper wedge in it that time.

Gorgon was staring at him as if he was mad. “What is young master doing?” he cried over the din in the kitchen as he measured out another cup of sugar.

Fawkes was also staring at him. “ _A sensible question. Wouldn’t it be easier to simply cut the butter by hand_?”

Severus rolled his eyes at both of them. “I like doing it this way better.” He retorted and then went back to levitating the knife and letting it hit the butter while Gorgon muttered “Grindelwald” under his breath and Fawkes sighed.

It took Severus ten minutes, but he had finally hacked the butter into good enough chunks that three of them satisfied Mixie. Severus levitated the pieces and sent them hurling towards the mixing bowl. He had added a bit too much momentum to them and the three pieces slammed into the pile of sugar in the bowl and sent a shower of it upwards, covering Mixie, who grinned and clapped her hands at him while Fawkes sighed again, muttering about how insane they all were.

Gorgon had gotten up and had retrieved Severus’ transfiguration textbook from the table and had sat back onto the counter and started leafing through it.

While Severus helped Mixie mix the icing and add milk and more sugar to it, Gorgon carefully looked through the textbook, stopping every few pages to ask Severus a question.

“Alright, Fruit Transfigurations. What are top things one must watch out for?”

Severus paused mid-stir and rubbed his nose thoughtfully, getting flour all over it in the process.

“Making sure the texture of the item doesn’t remain that of the fruit or else it will go moldly immediately, and –what? What color should the icing be? I don’t know. Sir Nick? What’s Myrtle’s favourite color? Ow! Gabby that was my foot you stepped on, and would you get that flour sack off your head? It’s not attractive and you look utterly ridiculous. What? Pink? That’s horrible. We’re not having pink icing. Absolutely not. Why? Bird, why do you even have to ask? Pink is too bright and too cheerful. Yes, it might kill me having pink icing so quit arguing. Gabby! It’s not funny anymore! You’ll suffocate if you don’t get it off. Rudy, yank it off her head. What? Green? Alright we can do green.” Turning back to Gorgon, he went back to thinking. “Making sure the inside of the fruit is hollowed out first and lastly making sure the color of the resulting item isn’t too unorthodox.”

Gorgon nodded and then snapped his finger at an apple, which came zooming over from a gigantic fruit basket. “Young master turn apple into sock and then back into apple and then quickly into sweater. Sock should be black and sweater should be green with red stars.”

Nodding, Severus frowned in concentration and pointed his wand at the apple. Muttering the proper incantation, he watched the apple turning into a perfect sock and then he quickly changed its color to black. Moments later, he flicked his wand again and the sock turned back into an apple.

While the other elves around him were giggling and clapping and Sir Nick kept calling out “That’s my boy!”, Gorgon was frowning and nodding in approval and always stopped to consult the textbook to make sure his young master was doing everything the correct way.

Fifteen minuts later, they were about to stick the cake batter in the huge oven and Severus was in the middle of reciting and demonstrating how to alter a pot’s geometric shape from circular to square to elliptical and then into even stranger shapes which Gorgon drew out for him onto the flour covered counter. Some of them were much more difficult than second years were supposed to know, but Gorgon had always pushed his young master to the next level of his abilities, and saw no reason to stop now.

In the middle of this, none of them noticed the kitchen door slightly opening and a very surprised head stick itself inside, staring around with amused sparkling eyes.

“Well, I didn’t realize preparations for breakfast started quite this early, and if you needed some help, you should have come straight upstairs and asked. I would have been delighted to lend a hand.” The headmaster loudly declared, his voice effortlessly carrying through the noisy kitchen.

Severus was among the first to notice the headmaster’s presence. Spinning around, his eyes widened in shock and he clenched his hand tightly around his wand. Fear flooded him. Surely this time Gorgon and him had gone too far. Surely this time the headmaster would snap and yell and punish them. That sick fear flooded him and made him shiver and clench his jaw, waiting for what he knew he deserved for repeatedly breaking school rules over the past two years. Gorgon had quickly snapped the textbook shut and had leapt off the counter, in front of his young master, ready to defend him if necessary. The elf was fairly sure the headmaster wouldn’t hurt his young charge, but he had seen the fear which had flooded the eleven year olds body and knew that he had to do whatever it took to reassure Severus that he was safe.

The rest of the elves and the ghosts and even Mrs. Norris reacted with less surprise and absolutely no fear. Gabby kept right on giggling and wildly waved at the headmaster, sending up a cloud of flour around her. Sir Nick floated past him, smiling and wishing the headmaster a good evening. Rudy called over that they had all the help they needed, but the headmaster was welcome to come in for a drink.

Laughing heartily, the headmaster accepted the invitation and pulled himself into the kitchen. Immediately, Fawkes flew off Severus’ shaking shoulder, oblivious to the fact that his friend was shaking with fear. Swooping through the air, Fawkes landed on his dearest friend’s and companion’s shoulder and right away started complaining to him about the noise and disorganization. Elves rushed around and cleared the stools away from the front of the fireplace and brought the headmaster a cup of hot chocolate and platefuls of biscuits. The headmaster conjured up a plushy chair for himself and settled himself before the fire, sipping his hot chocolate.

“Well, what in Merlin’s name is going on here? I came downstairs to get a cup of hot chocolate and thought everyone was asleep.”

Gabby and other elves giggled and shook their heads. “Today Myrtle’s deathday, headmaster!”

The headmaster’s eyebrows flew up. “Today? Merlin, I thought it was tomorrow. I had ordered a new line of lavender smelling toilet bowl cleaner but it won’t get here until tomorrow. Oh, drat it all. Anyway, but that doesn’t explain this enormous amount of marvelous noise.”

The Fat Friar gave the headmaster a wide smile. “We’re making Myrtle’s birthday cake. We’ve just put it into the oven.”

“Cake? Splendid! Myrtle will be so pleased. Last year she came zooming up the pipes to my office and told me all about it, describing it in exquisite detail and crying all over the place. She was so enormously happy about it. Oh, I’m so pleased you’re doing it again.”

“And guess what, headmaster? Guess what?” Rudy squealed, dancing all around.

The headmaster looked up at him, smiling and his clear blue eyes twinkled.

“What is it, Rudy?”

The elf clapped his hands. “We stuffed Peeves into a sink!”

Right away, everyone started yelling all at once and laughing as they all tried to tell the headmaster exactly how the Bloody Baron had done it and how Peeves had complained and used “very bad, bad language” according to Gabby.

It was in the middle of this chattering that the headmaster noticed that nearly everyone—even Mrs. Norris—was present, except that two of his children were missing from the group. More specifically, his darkling child and that child’s elf. Lending half an ear to the laughter and the gleeful tale being told around him, he slowly glanced around the kitchen, looking for his two missing children.

They weren’t difficult to spot. Severus had crouched onto the floor behind the table and was hugging his knees and hiding his face in them and Gorgon crouched in front of him, his wand clutched in one hand and the other resting on his young charge’s knee, talking to him softly.

Dumbledore couldn’t hear what they were saying but he could see that Severus was either very upset over something or very frightened. Since this was Myrtle’s deathday and the atmosphere in the kitchen had been joyous and wonderfully noisy when he had entered, he guessed that Severus couldn’t have been upset by something, or else the kitchen would be on fire and the elves would have been shrieking in fear, not in laughter.

Handing his cup to Mixie, who bowed and smiled at him, the headmaster excused himself and told them to keep talking and that he had to attend to a small matter.

Everyone’s eyes followed the headmaster as he walked around the kitchen table and slowly approached the two motionless figures crouching on the ground. Gabby and a few of the elves wanted to rush over and see what was wrong, but Sir Nick and Mixie firmly shook their heads, telling them to let the headmaster deal with the situation, since it was obviously private.

Gorgon glanced up and for a moment, the years of fiercely defending his young charge flared up within him and he snarled, his eyes narrowing into slits, until he recognized the headmaster. Immediately, his face softened and then sank into despair as he shrugged his shoulders hopelessly at the headmaster.

The headmaster gave him a small wave with his hand, indicating that Gorgon should keep trying.

Gorgon leaned forward, trying to glimpse the child’s face behind the curtain of black hair and robes.

“What is the matter with young master? Why so frightened? Was it the idea of the pink icing?” Gorgon asked quietly in Elfish.

Severus didn’t answer and didn’t look up. Gorgon lightly shook his knee.

“Come on, young master should tell Gorgy what’s wrong so Gorgy can go fix problem. What’s wrong?”

Severus took a deep, shaky breath and sniffed so Gorgon knew he had been silently and motionlessly crying.

“Nothing, elf. Just leave me alone.” He muttered in Elfish.

“Gorgy won’t do that. Gorgy won’t ever do that.” He whispered softly but fiercely.

Severus didn’t answer. Gorgon sighed softly and then glanced at the headmaster, who was frowning in deep concern, having listened to the whispered Elfish conversation.

“Headmaster is here, young master. He is looking very worried about young master. Is it alright if he comes closer?”

A visible shudder ran through Severus. Gorgon quickly put a soothing hand on his back and lightly rubbed it until the shudder died away. “Gorgy will stay right here and I will have wand in my hand so no funny stuff happens. Gorgy promises.”

There was absolute silence for a moment until Severus finally nodded his head, quietly resigning himself to the fact that the headmaster would punish him regardless of where he stood in the kitchen. He was a powerful wizard. And another part of Severus knew that if he did what the headmaster wanted then perhaps the punishment would be less severe.

Dumbledore took a few cautious steps closer and then slowly crouched down in front of the curled up, silently crying child. Gorgon had squished up beside him and was gently rubbing his back with one hand while holding his wand pointed at the headmaster with the other. Gorgon mouthed an apology, but the headmaster waved it away. Gorgon’s loyalties always had been and always would be very clear. Severus came first. Always.

The headmaster slowly leaned a bit forward. Sensing the movement, Severus shuddered again and clenched his jaw, waiting for the hand to come or the wand to be whipped out.

“Severus, what’s wrong? Is it perhaps the color of my nightgown? I admit it’s a bit more dreadful than my usual attire, but I thought that would please you, not upset you. Did someone say something to frighten you, dear? Was it one of the elves? One of the ghosts? Fawkes?” He said in quiet Elfish, knowing the old language soothed Severus.

At every single one of the guesses, Severus quietly shook his head.

The headmaster frowned and carefully thought over what might be upsetting his darkling child. When he noticed that every small movement he made was met by a shudder and a twitch from the otherwise motionless boy, he realized that perhaps it was him who was the problem. Glancing at Gorgon, the headmaster slowly pulled out his wand, testing a theory. Severus peeked out from between his knees and saw the long wand being pulled out. He shook harder and dug his fingernails into his legs as a small sob escaped him.

Gorgon immediately started softly whispering to him, telling him that he was here and would protect him no matter what. Severus found that he couldn’t pay any attention to the normally soothing words of his elf. He watched as the wand was slowly raised. A part of him was terrified and so filled with fear that he wanted to crawl beneath the floor. Another part of him was relieved that the long wait was finally over and that the headmaster would finally start living by the same rules that his Father had endlessly hammered into his head. Life would be unpleasant, but life would once more be predictable and Severus would stop feeling lost and being confused by the headmasters weird eccentricies and the way he handled situations.

He watched, trembling and biting his lip so hard that he felt it start to bleed. The wand was raised higher and higher, until suddenly, it was gently put onto the kitchen table and then pushed out of its owner’s reach.

Severus frowned but then hugged his knees even more, thinking that perhaps the headmaster didn’t need a wand to use the cruciatus curse. He had read that some powerful wizards didn’t need a wand for anything.

The headmaster leaned a little closer to him, cringing in slight hurt when the small child trembled even harder and the harsh, raw sobs coming from between the clenched teeth grew louder.

“Severus, is it me you’re afraid of?”

Severus didn’t dare answer, in case this was a trick question and he would be punished for saying yes. After a long, uncomfortable silence, Severus felt Gorgon shifting next to him. Of course the old elf knew exactly what was bothering him.

“Don’t you dare say a word, elf!” Severus snapped in Elfish in a barely audible whisper, deathly scared of what the headmaster would do to his elf if he got involved. Gorgon sighed and mumbled an apology to his young master before turning to headmaster.

“Young master is afraid headmaster will punish him for being up so late and breaking school rules.” Gorgon quietly admitted in Elfish.

The headmaster nodded, immediately understanding. Shuffling slightly closer to Severus, he wanted nothing more than to pull the shaking child into his arms, but knew that doing so would only scare Severus.

“Dear, I would never hurt you. Now or ever. I have never laid a hand or wand on a child and I would never ever do so.”

Severus didn’t say a word or look up, not believing him. Gorgon leaned over to help.

“Has headmaster ever hurt young master in past two years? Ever?”

Severus gave a tiny shake of his head.

“And has young master broken many rules and thought he deserved punishment?”

A tiny nod.

“And has he ever been punished?”

A tiny shake accompanied by a tiny voice whispering something. The headmaster leaned in closer to catch the barely audible Elfish words submerged in sobs and shaking.

“That’s why the headmaster is here now. I have to pay for all the other punishments I didn’t get.”

The headmaster was shaking his head. “No, Severus. That’s not why I’m here. Yes, you have broken many school rules, but you have paid for them. You’ve written papers for me, you’ve gone to detention and done extra chores, haven’t you?”

“But that’s not real punishment.”

“Yes, it is, my dear. To me, anything which teaches someone the error of their actions is a suitable punishment. And there are ways of teaching someone that lesson other than beating them or hurting them. I have never believed that violence solves anything. It doesn’t enforce the lesson, it simply enforces fear and that isn’t a lesson I wish to teach anybody, not now or ever.”

Severus risked a tiny glance at the headmaster and lifted his head a few inches above his knees. Wide, tear filled black eyes started into the sadly sparkling blue ones, judging the sincerity he found within their depths.

The headmaster smiled at him gently. “Ah, there you are. I thought you’d gotten lost amongst your robe and hair for a moment.”

Gently reaching out, the headmaster smoothed the errant strands of dark hair behind Severus’ ears. He felt a warm glow within him when Severus didn’t flinch away from the touch.

“There’s no need to hide. There’s nothing here that would harm you in any way. I told you you were safe here.”

Severus was still nervously chewing on his lower lip, not noticing the blood which was seeping down his chin.

Gorgon frowned and right away, started fussing and cursing in Elfish at him and yanked out his wand. With gentle hands, the elf pulled the abused lip out from between the gnawing teeth and then muttered a healing charm and a cleaning charm at it, sealing up the cut and making the blood vanish.

Then the elf gently stroked his young masters cheek before putting his wand away.

“Young master see? Everything is alright. Young master safe here with headmaster.”

Severus nodded slowly, finally allowing himself to believe it. He raised his dark, tear filled eyes up to the headmasters and suddenly felt very shy. The headmaster was such a good man. He shouldn’t be wasting his time crouching on a flour covered kitchen floor with a weird loner like him.

The headmaster smiled slightly at the sudden ducking of his head and the way the strands of hair fell back over his face. Hands reached out again and the strands were tucked behind ears.

“Why are you hiding? What’s wrong?”

Severus shrugged at first, but then Gorgon gently poked him in the ribs and Severus sighed quietly, still not looking up at the headmaster.

“Gorgon was right, headmaster. You are a good person and that’s why you shouldn’t be wasting your time down here on the kitchen floor with the likes of me. I’m just a waste of time and I’m a weird loner. There are lots of other, better people who deserve to have your attention and comfort.” He whispered quietly.

Suddenly, he felt his chin being lifted by two gentle fingers and found himself staring into the headmaster’s eyes. The old wizard was gently smiling at him. “For the hundredth time, child, I want to see these beautiful dark eyes of yours when you’re muttering something at me. I don’t want you to be afraid to look at me, dear.”

Severus started chewing on his lip again as he waited for the headmaster to shake himself out of this strange situation and realize what a worthless waste of time he was and that he would much rather spend his time upstairs with other smart and beautiful people. Not a dark creature like him.

“Severus, you’re not a waste of time. You’re a brilliant, wonderful person who is a little different than everybody else. But then again, every person in this room is a bit different, aren’t they? We both know I am a little stranger than most people, and then look at Gorgon here, and Gabby and Sir Nick. You’re not a waste of time, dear, especially not to me and that’s why I will never mind sitting here on the floor with you and that is why I would never dismiss you or not listen to anything you have to say. You’re one of my children as much as everyone else in this entire school is and you deserve my time as much as any of them, perhaps even a little more.”

Severus felt fresh tears flooding his eyes when he heard the headmaster’s words. He hadn’t ever even dreamed that someone would one day say these things to him. Well, Gorgon had been saying them for years, but Severus had never believed him. But here was a powerful human wizard and he was saying Severus was worth his time. That he was actually worth something.

“You’re saying I’m worth something, headmaster?” he whispered, tears choking the words.

The headmaster gave him a watery smile through his own tears. “Much more than you’ll ever realize, my child.”

Severus started shaking from the force of the sobs he was suppressing. He was fighting so hard against the outpouring of emotion that he barely felt a gentle hand stroking his cheek and a quiet, gentle voice telling him it was alright and that he could cry until tomorrow if he wanted to.

With a sob, Severus collapsed forward into the headmaster’s open arms and clutched the old and frayed nightgown while sobs shook him and tears streamed down his face.

The headmaster sat down on the floor, leaning against the kitchen table and completely ignored the flour getting all over his nightgown.

Pulling the crying child into his lap, he gently stroked the raven dark hair and then leaned down and gently kissed the top of the dark head. For a moment, the child tensed in his arms, but then he relaxed and sighed through his tears, feeling content and safe.

The headmaster quietly sat there, his arms around his precious dark bundle, quietly murmuring soothing words to him and occasionally stroking a tear stained cheek or gently laying a kiss on top of the raven haired head.

Gorgon had shuffled up beside them and gently reached out and clasped one of his young masters hands which wasn’t entwined in the headmasters nightgown. Severus clenched the old, wrinkled hand and pulled it closer to him. Gorgon quietly leaned closer to his young charge and started humming an old elf song which Severus had heard many, many times before.

Severus blinked through his tears, never wanted to leave this warm haven of safety. He had never felt this safe and loved in his life. He was afraid that the headmaster would get sick of him and get up and leave the kitchen, saying he wouldn’t be held or comforted again until next year, but he didn’t. He didn’t leave. Just like Gorgon never left.

It was at this moment in his life that Severus started trusting the headmaster. He trusted him for the same reason he trusted his elf. He started to allow himself to believe that the headmaster would never desert him and would never hurt him, just like he knew Gorgon never would. He smiled, feeling a glow within himself. He had never thought he would find another person like his elf.

After what seemed like ages, the beeping of the oven alerted them all that the cake was ready. Severus sniffed and quietly muttered that he should help Mixie put the icing on the cake. The headmaster nodded and gently stood them both up, pulling Gorgon up with them. Without further ado, the headmaster turned to the oven and summoned the cake over to the table. Clapping his hands, he smiled at the dark brown cake.

“Well, if Myrtle is going to get her deathday cake before everyone else in the castle wakes up—or Peeves wedges himself out of the sink—we should get going. Mixie, dear, where is that wonderful squishy thing you squeeze the icing out of? Oh, there it is!”

Moments later, everyone was crowded around the cake, fingers and hands dipping into the large bowl of icing and making strange squiggles and weird shapes onto the large cake. Faces were accidently dotted by the green icing and fingers were licked a lot more than they helped decorate the cake, but the laughter which rang around the table made it worth it.

Gabby had nearly fallen into the icing bowl and was giggling insanely as she made a green handprint in the middle of the cake and then licked her hand clean. The Fat Friar was trying to puzzle out how to spell ‘Myrtle’ with a frowning Rudy beside him, before the headmaster leaned over to help them, his eyes twinkling in amusement.

Gorgon was looking around himself with shining eyes and then stared at his young master, who was quietly smiling and dabbing Gabby on the cheeks with icing covered fingers while trying to write ‘Happy Deathday’ on the cake with Fawkes constantly whining about how he wasn’t making the writing pretty enough.

 

**June 29th, 1973**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus stomped down the long corridor towards the main stairwell leading down to the Entrance Hall. He dragged the mop and the bucket behind him and Gorgon was padding down the corridor after him, brooms and dustpans in his hands. Fawkes was riding along on his shoulder and Myrtle was floating above them.

Severus scowled and glared up at the vapory form of the girl. “For the millionth time, Myrtle, it wasn’t me who wiped soap all over your mirror.”

“Well then who did? I’ve asked everyone, and everyone’s said that they were somewhere else.”

“Did you ask Peeves?”

“I did and he was being yelled at by Filch all night yesterday with the Baron supervising so it couldn’t have been him.”

Severus nearly dropped the mop and swore in Elfish. Fawkes shot him a glare and nipped his ear sharply.

“ _What kind of rude language is that? It is completely unacceptable_.”

Severus rolled his eyes and then glanced up at Myrtle, who looked dangerously close to tears.

“Look, Myrtle, it wasn’t either Gorgon or me. We were in the library reading all last night. It could have been one of the ghosts simply being stupid.”

Myrtle’s eyes filled with tears. “They weren’t being stupid, they were being very, very mean. I’ve never done anything to them and then they just come into my lovely bathroom and mess it all up so nobody will want to visit me.”

Severus rolled his eyes and was on the verge of saying that nobody ever wanted to visit her, but then he felt bad for the crying girl and swallowed the icy comment. Instead, he sighed in annoyance.

“Alright, fine. If you quit that snivelling then I promise Gorgon and I will go and clean the mirror after we’re done with the Entrance Hall and Professor Flitwick’s classroom. Alright? And you can even come and watch the chess game tonight.”

Immediately, Myrtle stopped crying and her pudgy face lit up in a brilliant smile. Swooping through the air, she let out a gleeful laugh, her braids wildly flying around her head.

With another swoop, she disappeared up the faucet in the nearby drinking fountain. Rolling his eyes at her, Severus turned towards the stairs.

Gorgon was nodding in approval, smiling brilliantly from behind the brooms and dustpans. “That was very nice of young master.”

“ _Yes, I quite agree. The girl has been much happier in the past few years than she used to be_.”

Severus scowled. “If you both don’t shut up, I’ll jam this mop down both of your throats.”

He was barely finished the threat when he suddenly became aware of a figure standing at the bottom of the stairs, arms crossed and staring up at him, one eyebrow raised in amazement.

Severus frowned down at the figure. It took him all of two seconds to remember who she was. The flaming red hair tightly tied back in a braid and the bright green eyes gave her away, not to mention the black school robe with the Hogwarts crest sewn onto it which she was wearing.

For a moment, Severus frowned in confusion, wondering if perhaps summer vacation hadn’t started yet and if the noisy, annoying beasts he called other students hadn’t left yet.

Then he realized how ridiculous he was being, since he had stood in the astronomy tower two days ago with Gorgon and Fawkes and watched the thestrals pulling the carriages full of the laughing idiots down to Hogsmeade to the train station.

Before he had a chance to snidely remark that she had missed the train and that she was as idiotic as the rest of her Gryffindor clan, she shot him a brilliant smile.

“So, you can talk after all. Amazing. In two years of being in class together, I’ve only heard you say about three words in total.”

Severus glared, embarrassed that she had caught him arguing with Myrtle and Fawkes and also annoyed that she was here. Summer was supposed to be his free time, the time when he didn’t have to put up with any of them—especially Gryffindor them.

“Ghosts, elves and birds are far better conversationalists than people.” He retorted.

She laughed. For some reason she thought that was funny. “So, the so-called loner of the school not only talks a lot but spends his time with ghosts, elves and phoenixs.”

He narrowed his eyes at the loner comment, but decided to ignore it.

“In case you haven’t noticed, the train’s left.”

She laughed again. “Do I look that stupid? Of course I know the train’s left. My parents went to France for a few weeks and the headmaster’s letting me stay here.”

Severus stared at her, completely horrified. He treasured the weeks of summer vacation beyond all else, and now quite a few of them would be ruined by her presence.

She frowned. “And while we’re on the subject of the train having left, why are you still here?”

Severus clenched his jaw. The question had never come up before and he had always been glad that his loner status made everyone ignore the fact that he was never on the train or in the carriages at the end or beginning of the school year.

“I live here.” He said shortly.

She raised her eyebrows. “Why?”

He clenched his jaw harder. Fawkes was busily preening on his shoulder and ignoring the situation and Gorgon was pretending to fuss around with his brooms, trying to look extremely busy.

Severus narrowed his eyes. “That’s none of your bloody business. Now go and find something to do somewhere else.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Don’t tell me what to do, Severus Snape.”

Severus glared right back. “I’m not telling you what to do, I’m telling you where to do it, Lily Evans. I have to mop this bloody Entrance Hall and I can’t do it with you and your dirty Gryffindor shoes on it.”

She glared up at him, obviously angry now. Good. If she was angry, it would mean that she’d leave him alone.

“You really are a mean freak. No wonder nobody likes you.” With that, she turned around and stalked down the corridor and turned up another stairwell, heading towards the Gryffindor dormitories.

Breathing out a sigh of relief, Severus dragged the mops and buckets down the stairs and dropped them on the floor. Picking up one of the buckets, he muttered to Gorgon that he was going to the bathroom to fill it up. Nodding, his elf hurried down to the other end of the long hallway and started sweeping.

Severus stalked into the nearest bathroom and slammed the bucket into the sink and turned the tap on.

Fawkes chirped in disapproval. “ _There’s no need to break the sink into pieces just because you’re upset that another student is staying here for a few weeks. The castle is enormous and it’ll be very easy to stay out of her way. After all, if you manage to stay clear of most of the students while this place is flooded with them, you’ll have no problem with only one of them_.”

Severus glared into the swirling water filling up the bucket. “I don’t want her here. Summer time is my time and she’ll ruin that.”

Fawkes sighed in his head. “ _You know, she’s a very nice girl_ —”

Severus shot him a glare and cut him off. “I couldn’t care less what she is. All I care about is that she’s a human being and she’s here when she’s not supposed to be.”

Fawkes sighed again. “ _Even if you don’t want her here, there’s no reason to be horrible to her_.”

Severus sighed in response and rolled his eyes as he turned the tap off and pulled the heavy bucket out of the sink. Slowly, he turned and struggled out of the bathroom.

“As long as I’m mean, she’ll leave me alone and that’ll suit both of us just fine. Besides, why do you care? She’ll be gone in a few weeks and I’ve gone two years in school without saying a word to her, so I can easily do five more years.”

Fawkes sighed softly but dropped the subject, knowing that he would have plenty of opportunity to bring it up again the next three weeks.

 

**July 5th, 1973**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus walked down the corridor with Fawkes on his shoulder and Gorgon trailing along beside him. Both of them were munching on chocolate frogs Mixie had pressed into their hands after they had finished helping her scrub pots half an hour ago.

Turning around the corner, they took a short cut up a staircase hidden behind a display case. The glass case leapt out of the way when they touched the inscription of the 1936 Quidditch Player of the Year and revealed the staircase. Gorgon quietly chuckled, wondering out loud how many students knew about the staircase. Fawkes put in that he didn’t think many did.

After a few more twists and turns, they reached the abandoned classroom in which their weekly chess game was played.

Pushing the door open, Severus’ eyes drifted over the people who were already there. Mixie was handing out biscuits and other treats from a tray. Gabby was trying to tie a large pink ribbon into her ear while Rudy chuckled at her. The Fat Friar was talking to a dozing Mrs. Norris who only blinked at him from time to time in annoyance before going back to sleep. The Bloody Baron was setting up the chess board while other elves laughed and shook their fingers at the pieces when they tried to jump onto other squares or run across the board and attack a piece from the other side. It wasn’t until Severus spied the person sitting between Myrtle and Sir Nick that his good mood vanished and he glared.

“What is she doing here?” he demanded. Immediately, the conversation in the room stopped and they all turned to stare at him. Myrtle looked up guiltily, since she had been engrossed in a conversation with Lily. Sir Nick looked politely confused as he stared between Lily and Severus.

Severus had managed to avoid the red haired intruder for the past few days. The only times he had to see her was at meal times, and he didn’t so much as glance in her direction then. The headmaster generally tried to engage the two of them in conversation, but after Severus ignored him and only glared in response to his questions, the old wizard sighed softly and gave up, letting the two of them glare at each other in silence.

Lily tossed a strand of her fiery red hair over her shoulder and her green eyes sparked at him. “I’ve got as much right to be here as you do. Besides, it wasn’t my idea. I was in the dormitories and Sir Nick stopped by to invite me.”

Severus glared at her and then shot Sir Nick a glare which could have killed him if he wouldn’t already be dead.

“I see. Well, I hope you all enjoy your game.” And with that, he turned around, stepped around Gorgon and swept Fawkes off his shoulder and walked out of the classroom, slamming the door behind him.

He hadn’t stormed down the hall very long before he heard the door opening and heard someone running after him. He frowned as he kept walking. Those weren’t Gorgon’s footsteps and the ghosts and Fawkes didn’t exactly walk on two legs.

“Severus! Wait!” Instantly, he recognized the voice. Slowing down, he narrowed his eyes into slits and slowly turned around, glaring at the girl running towards him.

“What do you want, Evans?” he snarled softly.

She stopped a few feet before him and took a moment to catch her breath before waving towards the classroom.

“They’re waiting for you. Mixie saved one of those enormous chocolate chip cookies just for you and the Baron is getting irritated since he’s apparently thought up a new game strategy.”

Severus glared and crossed his arms, not moving from his spot. “I’m not playing if you’re going to be there.”

She stared at him and something that resembled faint hurt flickered through her eyes before they hardened and she lifted her chin. “Well, I didn’t want to stay and watch your stupid game anyway so I’m leaving.”

Without another word, she spun around, her hair flying in a brilliant red arc over her shoulder as she stalked towards a staircase and disappeared down it.

Severus waited until he was sure that she was really gone before slowly making his way back to the classroom.

Immediately, Fawkes flew back onto his shoulder and started scolding him for being shoved off his shoulder so rudely and Mixie hurried up to him and handed him a cookie. Severus smiled and thanked her in Elfish. Going over to the circle, he sat down between Gorgon—who was nearly sitting on a sleeping Mrs. Norris—and Myrtle, who clapped her hands and grinned at him the same way Gabby was doing.

The Bloody Baron merely gave him a nod, which Severus politely returned and then focused on the board and contemplated his first move.

Right before he was about to move his tower—which was so eagerly awaiting the smashing of one of the Baron’s pieces that it was swinging its rocky arms all around, nearly falling over in the process—Fawkes decided to start in on the conversation he had been attempting to have with his young stubborn friend over the past few days.

“ _You know, she didn’t have to leave. She was bored stiff all day and she was so excited about watching the game. She only left to make you happy_.”

Severus scowled at the bird and watched as the Baron made his first move. “What’s your point, bird?”

“ _Merely that she is being nice and trying to be your friend and you’re not trying at all_.”

Severus frowned. “Trying to do what? Be friends with her? Are you mad, Fawkes? Why would she want to be friends with me? She’s only being nice because she’s bored and I’m not going to force myself to put up with her just because Miss Popularity is bored. Just because that gaggle of blond bimbos she runs around with went home for the summer doesn’t mean I’m going to take their place and spend my time fawning over her.”

Gabby scowled at him. “Miss Lily not wanting anybody to fawn over her. She is very nice girl and always talks to Gabby when Gabby cleaning Gryffindor fireplace early in morning. Master Severus should be nice to her.”

Severus shot her a glare and glanced down at the board just in time to watch the Baron’s knight smashing his bishop to pieces and drag the heavy pieces off the board. Severus scowled at the board and the Baron’s triumphant smile. This stupid conversation was making him loose concentration.

“ _You know, Gabby is right, Severus. Lily is very nice and she seems to legitimately want to be friends with you. If you can’t handle that, then at least just try to be less snarky to her. She does have the right to be in this castle and sit with us, you know. Besides_ —” the beautiful bird shuffled around a bit, as if knowing that Severus wouldn’t like his next comment. “— _it wouldn’t do you any harm to have a human friend_.”

Severus shot the bird a glare. “Bird, either shut up or get off my shoulder and back up to your prissy cage. And that goes for all of you. I can’t concentrate with all you harping on and on about that prissy Gryffindor. I don’t want to be friends with her and she doesn’t want to be friends with me and we’ll both live—quite happily—if we don’t speak another word to each other.”

With that, he threw a final scathing glare around and then went back to studying the chess board, glaring at all the pieces as if they all had red hair.

 

**July 6th, 1973**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus sighed softly as he leaned against the railing of the main stairwell. He hugged his cloak around himself, softly tapping his foot on the marble staircase. Where the hell were Gorgon and Fawkes? They had promised to meet him at the stairwell at midnight to go and ride Xira. He hadn’t ridden his thestral in a few days since chores and avoiding Evans took up a lot of his time, so he had been looking forward to this for days.

Scowling, he glanced up and down the stairwell. Spying a figure slowly walked down the stairwell towards him, he was about to launch into an icy and sarcastic rant about being punctual, when he realized the figure was too tall to be either Gorgon or Fawkes. Plus, the person had red hair.

Sighing and wishing he was sitting on the trick stairs which would swallow him up, he glared up at the figure who was slowly walking down the stairs towards him.

“What are you doing up, Evans? It’s past midnight.”

She shrugged and stopped a few steps above him, leaning against the railing. “I could ask you the same question.”

“I asked first.” Severus retorted, knowing he sounded like a whiny child, but he didn’t care. Her presence posed a threat to his carefully planned evening.

She shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep. I was on my way to the kitchen for some hot chocolate.”

“Well, in that case, you should get going. Mixie and Rudy are usually still there by the fireplace talking and drinking. They’ll get you whatever you need, but make sure you wash your bloody cup when you’re done. The elves have enough washing to do without having to add your filthy junk to it.” He sneered.

Lily nodded, not at all stung by his tone. “I know. I’ve been down to the kitchen before at night. I always sneak chocolate frogs up to my room.”

Severus glared for a moment, feeling a childish jealously that she had been into the kitchen, which he had long ago considered a safe, idiot-free place.

She glanced at him. “Now it’s your turn.”

“For what?”

“To tell me what you’re doing. I didn’t think you liked sitting on stairwells. I thought sitting in the dungeons would be more enjoyable for you.”

He considered lying to her for a moment, but then couldn’t think of a good enough excuse to use and besides, he hardly ever lied to people and found it exhausting.

“I’m waiting for Gorgon and Fawkes and we’re going to ride thestrals.”

Her eyes widened. Severus sighed inwardly, waiting for her to launch into a tirade of shrieks and wails that thestrals were dangerous dark creatures and that he was a freak.

But instead, she looked impressed. “You ride the thestrals?”

He nodded cautiously, not sure where the conversation was going. “Yeah.”

“Don’t they ever throw you off or bite you?”

Severus snorted. “No. Thestrals can be vicious but they hardly ever are for no reason. The only reason people think they’re dark creatures is because of the way they look.”

Lily was nodding slowly and frowning, as if she was actually paying attention.

Severus frowned. “Evans, you don’t have to sit here and pretend to care. Just go down to the kitchen.”

Lily looked at him and looked slightly taken aback. “What do you mean I don’t have to pretend to care? I do care. We don’t do thestrals until fifth year and I’ve always been curious about them. I saw them on the very first day when we got here, you know, when they were pulling our carriages, and I was curious about them.”

Severus frowned at her. “You can see them?”

She nodded. “Yeah. My grandma died when I was six.” While she spoke, she’d walked down the last few steps and sat down beside him, keeping some distance between them. She glanced at him. “How long have you been able to see them?”

Severus noticed that she didn’t ask if he could see them. He found himself slightly impressed, since that would have been a moronic question. How could he have found and ridden something he couldn’t see?

“Since I was four.” When she looked at him, obviously wanting him to clarify, he bit his lip, wondering what he should say. Saying that he had watched his Father murdering a muggle by forcing him to drink poison and then having Severus monitoring his deteriorating condition until he died wasn’t something he was supposed to tell people—according to his elf.

He started shifting around, once more aware of the blindingly obvious fact that they were two very different people and that really, none of this was her business.

He glared at her. “What are you staring at me for?”

“I was just wondering who—”

“That’s none of your business.”

She nodded and stared down at her knees without complaining. “Alright. I understand. You’ve never struck me as a very open person anyway. I was surprised you told me about the thestrals at all.”

Severus shrugged. “Lying’s hard work and if you’re caught, the consequences are never pretty.”

He muttered, painful memories cropping up in his head. He pushed them aside.

Lily must have seen something in his eyes since she looked at him with something that resembled pity in her eyes. Severus glared and stiffened.

“Seriously, Evans, get down to the kitchen and leave me alone. We have nothing to say to each other.”

Lily raised an eyebrow. “Well, we’ve been sitting here for quite a bit and we’ve had stuff to say to each other.”

“Yeah, but now I’ve exhausted all of my Gryffindor friendly material for the day so you can get away from me now.” He really hadn’t meant to snap at her in that viciously sarcastic tone that made Gorgon scowl, the headmaster frown sadly and Fawkes squawk in disapproval.

Lily was frowning at him, but didn’t move at all. She searched his face as if looking for something. Severus glared harder, wanting nothing more than for her to get away from him. Her hair was too bright and she was a Gryffindor and she just had this amazingly pure energy around her that made Severus feel filthier than he had in his entire life.

She tilted her head at him. “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?” he snapped, growing even more irritated because she didn’t appear to have the slightest inclination towards moving an inch.

“Why do you push everyone away? Don’t try to deny it, I’ve been watching you do it for years. You’re always mean and snarky to everyone, even to people who don’t make fun of you. Yeah, those people have gotten fewer and fewer, especially with more of them joining those egotistical pigs’ fan club—”

Severus smirked for a second when he realized which two Gryffindor gentlemen were the egotistical pigs she was talking about.

“—and always making fun of you and hexing you and calling you a freak and a loner, but you never stand up for yourself or try to be nicer to them so they’ll leave you alone. You just shove them all away and when they shove you back, you just let them so they’ll get farther away from you. I don’t get you.”

Severus clenched his jaw. “You don’t have to ‘get me’, Evans. I have my life and you have yours. What I don’t understand is why you care.”

She frowned. “Of course I care. You’re the smartest person in our class and you’re not such a bad person, since the elves wouldn’t always talk about you and Myrtle wouldn’t consider you one of her best friends if you really were the mean bastard you always pretend to be. That’s why I think you really aren’t that bad of a person and I wanted to get to know you.”

Severus snorted, finally starting to realize what a big joke this must be. “Evans, who the hell paid you off to say these things? I hope they gave you plenty. I wonder what they had to bribe you with to get you to spend weeks in the castle with me, never mind sit on the same stairs as me. It was probably Potter and Black. Yeah, they’ll get a big laugh out of this. Thanks, Evans. I hope I’ve given you enough of a good laugh that you can report back to your heroes and be showered by their undivided attention for a while.”

Lily was staring at him with hurt confusion in her eyes. Severus had been about to get up and storm up the stairs, but the look in her eyes stopped him.

“You really think I’m such a horrible person? You really think I’d stoop as low as those two pigs do? You really think I get a kick out of making a persons life miserable just because it earns me a few laughs and admiring glances from the other idiots in our class?” Her voice had gradually gotten louder until she was yelling at him. Severus cringed back from her and started desperately hoping for his elf to show up.

“Well, let me tell you something, Severus Snape. You don’t know me at all! You don’t know what kind of a person I am and you have no right to judge me. I’ve never done anything to you so you have no right to judge me and be horrible to me. Isn’t it enough that you get tormented nearly everyday by nearly every person in our class? Does being mean to everyone around you make you feel better about it? Huh?”

Severus sighed and leaned his head against the railing. All he wanted to do was go and ride Xira but instead, he was being yelled at by Lily Evans.

“Evans, I’m not mean to people because it makes me feel better. I know what it’s like to be made fun of and I hate it. I’m mean to people and I push them away because I don’t like humans. They scare me and I don’t trust them, any of them. Why do you think I never make fun of Myrtle—well, hardly ever? I trust her and she’s not a bad person and I know what her life was like before she died because I have to live like that everyday.”

He had no idea where his little outburst had come from but he figured from the stunned look on Lily’s face that he had explained some things quite thoroughly. Maybe too thoroughly.

She looked at him thoughtfully. “But you trust the headmaster.”

Severus bit his lip and glanced down at the stairs. “That’s different.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I guess it is.” They lapsed into a surprisingly comfortable silence for a while, before Lily turned to him.

“If you learned to trust the headmaster, could you learn to trust another human?”

Severus frowned. “Evans, why are you doing this? Why do you want us to be friends? I don’t get it. You’re the most popular girl in our class, you’ve got dozens of friends who adore you and you’re a Gryffindor. I’m the loner and the freak who nobody likes and I don’t have any human friends and I’m a Slytherin. We have nothing in common and you know it.”

He had tactfully left out the fact that she was a mudblood and he was a pureblood. Fawkes had severely reprimanded him the other day for calling Lily a mudblood behind her back. He didn’t really understand what was so bad about a word he used nearly on a daily basis, but he didn’t want to start another argument with the bird so he promised to keep that word to himself.

Lily nodded. “I know, but the most interesting friendships develop between people who have nothing in common. I mean, look at those blond bimbos I run around with. Sure, they’re nice and easy going, but they’re boring and predictable. They always talk about the same things and they’re scared of thestrals and they’re whiny little babies. But you’re much more interesting.”

Severus stared at her, wondering if she was drunk. “Evans, I’m the freak, remember? I’m the person nobody should be seen with, especially not someone with your social reputation. I’m the loner. I’m—I’m Snivellus.”

Lily glared at the nickname and lifted her chin. “You’ve never been Snivellus to me and I resent that stupid name. You’ve always been Severus to me. I know we have nothing in common but I want to be friends with you because you’re smart and interesting and you seem like a nice person. I know you don’t trust people, least of all a Gryffindor, but maybe you can learn to trust me and this whole friendship business won’t be so bad. After all, you could use a human friend once in a while, couldn’t you?”

Severus stared at her, still hardly believing they were actually having this conversation. “Evans, if anybody finds out, you’d be shoved down to the bottom of the social pile where I live.”

Lily shrugged. “I don’t care.”

“Yeah, well I do. Don’t ask why, but I do. So if you want to run around and waste your time with the likes of me, fine. But don’t spread it around or I’ll completely deny the fact that I even know your name. I’m not worth your reputation, Evans, and you’d be an idiot to think I am.”

Lily shot him a brilliant smile and then pushed herself off the stair. “Alright, have it your way. I’m going down to the kitchen for my hot chocolate. I’ll tell Mixie and the others you say hi. Have fun with the thestrals. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

With that, she skipped off down the stairs and disappeared around a corner, her red hair shining like a beacon of light through the darkness.

Severus stared after her, wondering what in Merlin’s hell he had just gotten himself into.

 

*             *             *

 

As it would turn out later, he had just plunged himself into a long and tight friendship with the person who would become his best friend for years to come.

 

**July 9th, 1973**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus quietly turned a page in the old, frayed book. The paper shook slightly and small claws started emerging from the pages. Severus scowled and shot another stunner at the dark book and the claws immediately retreated back into the pages and the book calmed down.

He was lying on top of one of the wide book shelves in the library. It was his favourite place to be in the library. He could see everything around him and the shelf was high enough that nobody could see him or disturb him. Generally, he always brought books down to his room, since the library was always filled with annoying, loud idiots who didn’t pay any attention to Madame Pince’s constant shushing. But during the summer and the evenings during school, he felt safe enough to come and lie on his book shelf and read his favourite books, the ones from the restricted section.

Since they were said to be mainly ‘reference’ material, Madame Pince didn’t let him take the books out, even though he had reassured her many times that he knew how to take care of them properly and he wouldn’t let them bite him or let them get dirty or damaged in any way.

Turning another page, he sighed in quiet contentment, loving the thought that he had lots of hours left ahead of him just to lie here and read. Gorgon and him had finished their chores quite early in the day and then his elf had skipped down to the kitchen to spend time with Gabby. Fawkes had ‘died’ just last evening and was currently a tiny fluffball sitting in his cage. It always took the phoenix a few days to grow back to his adult size and to be capable of telepathic communication with his bond mates. Severus was personally thankful that the stubborn mule had decided to finally get on with it and die. He had been looking simply dreadful for days already—his feathers having drooped and fallen out and his eyes looking dull— but he hadn’t wanted to miss the chess game which had taken place the night before. Severus had finally gotten it through the bird’s thick skull that there would be other chess games and that the bird was looking horrid and should finally get on with things.

Pushing away his thoughts of the tiny chirping fluffball upstairs, Severus went back to reading. He was so absorbed in the book with his nose barely an inch from the paper that he didn’t hear anybody walking into the library and glancing around with narrowed eyes and hands on her hips.

Finally, she got tired of looking for someone she couldn’t see. Walking over to a nearby table, she stood on top of it and then turned around. Then she took a deep breath.

“Severus!” she yelled, her voice echoing around the silent library.

Severus was so badly startled by her voice that he nearly fell off the shelf and grabbed the edge just in time. He had been about to whip around and point his wand at her, but then common sense caught hold of him and he realized it was just Lily.

Taking a few breaths to calm himself down, he shut his eyes in exasperation. She was always so damn loud.

“I’m right here, Evans. There’s no need to scream the library down.” He said, his quiet voice easily carrying over to the frowning person, whose face immediately brightened.

“Sev? Where the bloody hell are you? I can’t see you.”

Severus turned back to his book, at least satisfied that she had stopped yelling. “I’m up here on one of the shelves. The one beside the restricted section.”

Immediately, she hopped off and walked towards his shelf. Stopping at the bottom, she stared up at it, frowning and crossing her arms.

“How did you get up there? I don’t see the ladder anywhere.”

Severus sighed quietly, having to interupt his reading once more. “I levitated myself, Evans.” He mumbled.

Her eyes widened. “You levitated yourself? But that’s really advanced magic.”

Rolling his eyes, he shrugged. “What do you want, Evans? I’m in the middle of reading something.”

She scowled and dismissed that. “You’re always in the middle of reading something. Now, help me up there. I’ve never seen the library from up there before.”

Muttering a curse and rolling his eyes, he edged over and pointed his wand at her. Slowly, she lifted off the ground and gently floated upwards until she touched the book shelf with her feet and Severus released her from the spell.

Lily put her hands on her hips and stared around herself, oohing and aahing over the fact that she could see everything and how great it would be to fling enchanted spit balls at people from up here, since nobody would be able to see who their attackers were.

Severus grunted in response, not paying attention to her and still keeping his nose buried in the book. He had no idea the horrific poisons people had cooked up to kill vampires 960 years ago had been that lethal. He frowned, looking the ingredients over. He also hadn’t known that asconite was lethal to vampires in such high doses. It wasn’t for humans, he knew that. It must have something to do with the half humans vampire physiology. Maybe it was something in their blood. An enzyme or something which—

Suddenly, the book was ripped from under his nose and he nearly did a face plant onto the shelf.

“What on earth are you so absorbed in this time? Oh, it’s one of those horrible dark books, isn’t it? Ew! Would you look at that picture? That’s disgusting.” She frowned as she brought the book closer to her face to scrutinize the picture better. “You know, I can’t understand how you can look at these things all day, never mind actually enjoy looking at them.”

Severus rolled his eyes and made a grab for his book. She lunged out of his reach and turned the page, still frowning at it. Finally, she sighed and snapped it shut, dismissing it.

“Disgusting.” She sighed, waving a hand at it. Pushing herself up, she stood up and brushed her robe off. “Alright, help me down and then let’s go.”

Severus stared at her. He had been silently cursing at her for losing his page in the book, but then her last words registered.

“Go? Go where? I’m not going anywhere. I want to read.”

She scowled and put her hands on her hips. “But I’m bored and you’ve already had hours to read that horrid book. I want to go do something.”

Severus glared at her, knowing that it was useless to argue, since she’d just build up a head of steam and yell at him until he gave in.

He kept glaring while she patiently stared back at him, tapping her foot on the shelf and keeping one of her eyebrows raised.

Finally, he scowled and waved his wand at the book, sending it back down to its place on the shelf in the restricted section.

“Alright, fine, you stupid git. We’ll go.” He muttered, stalking to the edge of the shelf. Quickly putting his wand between his index fingers, he allowed his magic to flow and then gently grabbed it and pulled himself slowly towards the floor. He had practiced so much with Gorgon that even angry thoughts at the red head above him didn’t make him lose his grip or concentration. Reaching the ground, he pointed the wand up at her and levitated her to the ground. Just when her feet touched, he smirked and yanked his wand around, sending her spinning around with a shriek and tumbling to the ground.

With a laugh, she pushed herself up and then shot him a dirty look, still smiling and her green eyes sparkling.

“That was a dirty trick, Sev and you know it.”

With that, she swept through the aisles towards the doors, Severus trailing after her. Reaching the door, they headed towards the staircase which would take them upstairs.

“So where exactly are we going?”

“Outside.”

Severus sighed and stopped walking. “Evans, we’ve discussed this. I hate going outside. The sun makes my eyes and head ache and everything is too bright.”

She scowled at him and yanked on his sleeve. “Oh, come on and don’t be a git. You need a bit of sunlight. You’re even more pale than those vampires I saw in that book. It’s not healthy.”

Sighing, Severus grit his teeth and resigned himself to an afternoon of headaches and brightness. The sun wasn’t the only thing which gave him a headache. The sun always reflected off of Lily’s bright red hair, making his eyes ache even more.

“Alright, fine.” He mumbled, stomping after her. “What are we going to do outside anyway?”

“I want to look for the Giant Squid in the lake. I’ve been wanting to go looking for it for ages, since I’ve never seen a squid before, never mind a giant one, but Margie and Kiana are always too scared to go look.”

Severus stared at her. “You want to spend the afternoon looking for a Giant Squid and wading through water and fighting off Grindylows?”

She shot him a brilliant smile, dragging him up the stairs. “Yup, and I just know it’ll be so much fun!” she exclaimed, sounding just as excited as Gabby always did.

With a sigh, he slowly allowed himself to be dragged upstairs, wondering how on earth he had gotten himself into this situation in the first place.


	3. Chapter 3

**July 10th, 1973**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus crossed his arms across his chest and glared at the headmaster and then at Evans, both of whom were smiling at him.

“No. Absolutely not. I’ve been outside three times this week and my head is still aching. There is no way I’m even sticking the tip of my nose outside, never mind walking all the way to Hogsmeade.”

The headmaster’s eyebrows rose in confusion. “Walking, dear? I don’t believe I mentioned walking.”

Severus narrowed his eyes. “You said we won’t be flooing down and that it’s short enough for us not to take any shortcuts. That means we’re walking.”

Those blue eyes twinkled at him. “Well, I considered walking, but then Hagrid mentioned that Fana and Gerone hadn’t had much exercise lately so I promised I’d take them for a ride.”

Severus raised a mildly curious eyebrow. “And who are Fana and Gerone?”

“They’re two of my unicorns, dear. They live in the forest.”

Evans’ jaw dropped and she squealed. “Unicorns? Oh, I’m so excited! I’ve never been close to one before. I saw one a few months ago drinking from the lake after classes had finished for the day, but it ran away before I could get close to it! Oh, what are we standing around for? Come on, Sev! We have to go see them!” she cried, her eyes sparkling.

Severus scowled at her enthusiasm and stood his ground. He wasn’t envisioning beautiful unicorns in his mind. The only image in his mind was glaring brightness and a pounding headache. “If you’re so excited then you go. I don’t even want to go to Hogsmeade.”

The headmaster looked at him for a long while before sighing softly and giving him a sad smile. “Alright, very well then. I just thought you might like to get off the castle grounds for a while. Is there anything you need—?”

“Sev, are you mad? You can’t stay here and miss seeing the unicorns. Don’t be an utterly ridiculous git!” she waved a hand at Severus, who was still glaring at her. She grabbed the sleeve of his robe and started dragging him towards the doors. She shot the headmaster a smile over her shoulder. “Of course he’ll come, headmaster. Can’t you see he can barely suppress his excitement? My, he’d give Gabby a run for her money any day. Would you look at that wide grin on his face?” she cried, laughing loudly when Severus’ glare grew darker and he narrowed his eyes into slits, creating a picture very far removed from anything Gabby ever projected.

The headmaster laughed heartily, but then gently laid a hand on Severus’ shoulder. Evans made a face but stopped pulling for a moment.

The headmaster leaned down until he was meeting Severus’ glare. “Dear, if you really don’t want to go, then nobody will force you to.”

He glared pointly at Evans, who had put her hands on her hips and had her eyebrows raised, daring him to refuse. He sighed loudly and then looked back at the headmaster. “I think it would be quite detrimental to my health if I didn’t go, headmaster. A headache is nothing compared to a certain Gryffindor git’s temper.”

The headmaster chuckled heartily and nodded. “Very well, then. We’ll get going.”

Evans squealed and hopped around and right away, grabbed Severus’ sleeve and started running towards the door, loudly wondering if they’d see a foal and how soft a unicorn’s mane felt.

They ran out the door and into the blinding sunlight. Severus hissed when his sensitive eyes stung and he nearly tripped down the stairs, but Evans had expected this and hauled him back up onto his feet, still chattering away.

Blinking a few times and scowling at the brightness around him, Severus silently cursed the sun and tried to avoid looking at the beam of sunlight dancing around beside him and pulling him across the lawn.

Hagrid was standing in front of his hut, petting two pure white unicorns. Severus’ eyes widened despite himself when he and Evans reached them.

Hagrid turned around and shot them a smile and lifted his hand in greeting to the headmaster. The large, friendly groundskeeper moved behind the unicorns, fastening something behind them. Severus tried to see what he was doing, but his eyes kept telling him that Hagrid didn’t have anything in his hands and was merely making strange hand motions in the air. He frowned and was about to declare that he was losing his mind when he suddenly felt something brush his sleeve.

His heart jumping into his throat, he sucked in a deep breath. Eyes widening, he immediately flinched away from the touch, his arm swiping out in a backswing in hopes of hitting it.

A quiet whinny and the upward jerk of a pure white muzzle made him realize that he was about to hit a unicorn.

Evans shot him a dirty look, quietly petting the other unicorn, which softly snickered and snorted, bobbing its white head, the glittering golden horn on its forehead sparkling in the sunlight.

“Sev! You can’t hit a unicorn. Don’t be a git.”

Severus scowled at her. “It touched my sleeve. The stupid git was asking for it.” He muttered, glaring at the unicorn, which stared at him with large black eyes, which curiously reminded him of his own eyes.

Evans scowled right back at him. “It wasn’t going to hurt you. I know it scared you, but you don’t have to lash out at it until you’ve determined that it really poses a threat. I mean, it’s enough when you nearly hex me into the next millenium whenever I grab a hold of your sleeve, but you can’t get mad at a unicorn. It didn’t mean to scare you.”

Severus was still suspiciously glaring at the white horse. The unicorn snorted softly and stretched its muzzle towards him. Severus took a step back from it, not liking the thought of such a pure, white being getting near him. Having Xira near him was fine. Having a unicorn wasn’t.

The unicorn snorted again and took a step closer to him. His companion had turned its attentions away from Evans and followed the other one, slowly stepping closer and closer to the small, dark boy who took two steps back for every one the two magical beings took forward.

Severus’ glare darkened and he stepped back faster, nearly tripping over a root in the ground. Hagrid let out a surprised yell when the unicorns ripped the invisible cords from his hands and started trotting after Severus, snickering softly and throwing their heads.

Severus was about to turn around and run for it, when he was distracted by both Evans and the headmaster laughing hysterically. When he looked over to glare at them, he tripped on the hem of his robe and went sprawling on the ground. Moments later, the two unicorns trotted up to him and surrounded him, softly nudging him with their muzzles and whinnying.

Severus scowled and tried to bat them away from him, feeling suffocated amongst the two mystical creatures. He thought about smacking them, but knew that Evans would yell at him for days if he did, so he restrained himself. Still, he glared at them.

“Get away from me, you stupid gits! You’re not supposed to like people like me. And besides, you might trample me.”

The only response he got was soft snickering. He scowled and scrunched himself up into a tiny ball, not wanting to touch either of them.

Luckily, the headmaster strode up to them and rescued him, chuckling softly.

“Fana, Gerone, please go back to Hagrid. He hasn’t finished fastening the harness, and I think Severus is feeling a little crowded.”

Snickering softly, they snorted and playfully nudged Severus one last time before they turned and trotted back to Hagrid and a hysterically laughing Evans.

The headmaster bent over and helped Severus up, chuckling at the dark scowl on his face.

“Not used to unicorns, are we?”

“No. I’m more comfortable around thestrals. There’s nothing those white things and I have in common, except for maybe our eyes. I don’t like them.” Brushing off his robe, he marched back towards Hagrid’s hut.

“Well, it appears that they liked you.”

“Well then they’re a horrid judge of character.”

The headmaster’s eyes twinkled thoughtfully. “I wouldn’t be too sure of that, dear. Magical creatures tend to have better instincts then human beings.”

Severus glared. “In this case, these two’s instincts are way off. Besides, I thought unicorns weren’t supposed to like boys at all. Never mind someone like me.”

The headmaster chuckled again and gently put an arm around the thin shoulders. “As I said before, unicorns are excellent judges of character and I’m thrilled to see they agree with me.”

“Agree with what?”

“That you’re a wonderful person who’s worth knowing.”

Severus scowled and waved the compliment away. “You’re all mad.” He grumbled.

The headmaster laughed and squeezed his shoulder gently before going up to Hagrid. Evans was standing behind the unicorns, staring at something with wide eyes.

Frowning, Severus went up beside her. She was staring at the unicorn’s rear ends with an utterly confused look on her face.

He raised an eyebrow. “Well, either you’re anatomically challenged or you’ve never seen someone’s arse before.”

She scowled and shook her head. “No, you git. The harness is invisible.”

Severus frowned. “Invisible?” Right on cue, Severus felt his foot catch on something. Looking down, he couldn’t see anything near his foot except the grass it was on. Before he had a chance to say something, he tried to move and right away, nearly fell over. Evans grabbed his arm and laughed.

“What did I tell you? Come on, move over. You’ll get all tangled up in it and Hagrid will have to start all over again.”

Just then, the headmaster came walking over. He walked around the two confused youngsters and then stepped onto a platform of air and hovered a few inches above the ground. With twinkling eyes, he turned to the two staring children.

“Well, come along them. Just step up onto this platform here. Yes, that’s right, dear, right there. Severus, dear, watch your footing—it won’t bite you my dear, trust me. There we go. Now, reach in front of you and you’ll find a railing you can grab hold of. Severus, dear? Do you feel that silky strand of cloth beside you? Could you hand it to me please? It’s one of the reins. I have one but I seem to have misplaced the other one.”

Severus exchanged incredulous looks with Evans. They were hovering above the grass on something which they couldn’t see but felt solid and they were clutching a bar which felt cold and real, but yet, couldn’t be seen. The headmaster stood behind them, holding two invisible reins in his hands. Turning to Hagrid, he gave him a smile, telling him that they’d be back in a few hours. Hagrid nodded and gave the unicorns one final pat before stepping back.

Letting out a soft whistle, the headmaster snapped the reins gently. Right away, the two unicorns tossed their heads up and started off, pulling the invisible platform behind them.

They turned away from Hagrid’s hut and trotted across the lawn until they reached the gates, which opened at their approach. As soon as they reached the main road, the headmaster gave another soft whistle and the unicorns started cantering, their manes and tails streaming through the wind and the sun reflecting brilliantly off their golden horns.

Severus stared around himself in amazement as the wind rushed past him and he stared down at his feet skimming over the ground.

He glanced beside him and Evans was grinning at him, laughing from pure joy.

“Oh, bloody brilliant, isn’t it?” she called above the noise of the wind.

Severus shot her an answering smile. Despite the sun and the faint headache he had, he couldn’t help but appreciate the beauty in the world and in life itself. He found himself amazed by the very thought. It wasn’t something he usually thought of.

He heard the headmaster chuckle behind him and then felt him lean over.

“The world really is a beautiful place on some days, isn’t it, my dear?” the old man quietly whispered into his ear, as if he had been reading his mind.

Severus shot him a shy smile over his shoulder. He had just nodded his head quietly when Evans grabbed his sleeve and pointed up at a pack of sparrows flying above them.

He looked up and squinted through the bright light but couldn’t help but admire the tiny birds whose wings were beating so fast that they were a blur.

“Tough little buggers, aren’t they?” Evans yelled over, smoothing an errant strand of red hair out of her eyes.

Moments later, she gasped and pointed upwards. “Oh, look at that cloud, Sev! It looks just like a unicorn! And that one beside it looks like a tea pot.”

Severus frowned up at the sky. “I’m not seeing any bloody tea pot, Evans. I see something that looks more like a cat.”

“A cat? Are you mad as well as blind? That’s a tea pot!”

“Where are you looking, Evans?”

“Over to the right of the unicorn! Duh!”

“Well, that explains it, you git. I was looking to the left of it!”

“The left of it?” she frowned. “Oh, I see. You’ve got to kind of twist your head and then look at it, but it does look like a cat.”

Behind the two, the headmaster quietly chuckled and shook his head. On days like this, not only was his faith in the beauty in the world restored, but his faith in human nature was as well.

 

*             *             *

 

It took them ten minutes to reach Hogsmeade and ten more minutes to drop the unicorns off at the barn at the edge of the town, where a stable hand led them off, smiling and telling the headmaster to take his time and that Fana and Gerone would be well taken care of.

Then the headmaster walked down the main street with them, pointing out the bookstore and Honeyduke’s Sweetshop for Severus—who rolled his eyes and said he remembered where they were, thank you very much— and Zonko’s Joke Shop for a wildly grinning Evans.

“Well, I’m off to the Post Office to pick up a few things and then I must meet some collegues in the Three Broomsticks. It’ll be a dreary and long conversation—thank Merlin for butterbeer—but you two have a good few hours to run around and get into lots of devious trouble. Now, where did I put—oh, there it is. There you go, dears, ten galleons each. Spend it wisely. Oh, and if you encounter any problems, then Severus, dear, simply give a shout and Fawkes will catch it and instantly appear at your side.” With a smile at both of them, he turned around and swept down the street, leaving the young Slytherin and the young Gryffindor staring after him, grinning at the shining gold coins in their hands.

Right away, Evans grabbed his sleeve and started pulling him towards the Joke Shop. Severus made a face. “Evans, I don’t want to go to the Joke Shop. Everything in there is so childish.” He muttered.

Evans rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on, you git. I’ve never been there and I’ve always wanted to go.”

“You know third years are allowed to go to Hogsmeade. You can come with the blond bimbos any time you want.”

Evans scowled. “No, I can’t and you know it. They’ll only want to go to stupid places like Madame Violets.”

Severus raised an eyebrow as they slowly started walking towards the Joke Shop. “And what the bloody hell is Madame Violets?”

Evans scowl darkened. “It’s a beauty accessory store. All kinds of horrid tubes and powders you’ve got to put on your face and little enchanted fairies in bottles which you can put in your hair and all kinds of potions to color your hair or enchant it to turn into different hair styles. It’s utterly horrid. The whole place reeks like roses and there’s fairy dust everywhere. The bimbos have been talking about it for years and I just know they’ll want to spend all their time and money in there and not important places like the Joke Shop.”

Severus slowly nodded, appreciating Evans’ dilemma. Personally, he couldn’t understand it why somebody would want to go near the place, never mind inside of it.

“Alright, I see your point.” He muttered.

She nodded. “You see? What did I tell you? Now come on.” Grabbing his sleeve, she yanked him across the street, dodging among wizarding children and adults who were laughing and loudly calling to each other, all of their arms full of bags and the occasional broom or cauldron.

Reaching the store, they pushed their way in. Evans immediately started running up and down the aisles, squealing in excitement at seeing Enchanted Eyeballs which actually blinked and glared at you, fake wands which exploded in a shower of red sparks as soon as you tried to do a spell with them and cloaks which wrapped so tightly around their wearer that only a Disrobing Charm would get them off.

Severus slowly followed her down the aisles, lazily looking over the buckets and shelves of enchanted objects which blinked, squawked, laughed or snickered at him. Evans rummaged through everything, from time to time yanking her hand back with a small cry or laughing hysterically when something latched onto her hand and wouldn’t let go.

After walking around the store, Evans had picked out an enormous pile of junk which she deemed as ‘necessities to life’ which she had thrown Severus’ way, who had quietly hidden his wand in his sleeve and levitated the pile, keeping a sharp eye out for adults. It wouldn’t do to get caught breaking the underage wizardry restriction in broad daylight in the middle of a crowded store.

Finally, they sat down in the middle of one of the aisles and started going through the junk.

Severus picked up a broken wand which looked exactly the same as Gorgon’s. He sighed.

“Evans, why do you want a broken wand? Not only does the wand not do anything except make sparks and noise, but it’s broken.”

She scowled. “Oh, you don’t get anything, Sev. I’m going to switch Margie’s wand with this one and she’ll think she’ll have broken it and she’ll go hysterical. It’ll be a riot!” she squealed.

Severus could see the point in that so he dismissed the broken wand and then fished through the pile until he found another wand. “Then why are you buying one of these exploding wands too? Wouldn’t it be easier to get one that does both?”

Evans rolled her eyes. “I checked all of them, Sev, and none of them do both. It would be hysterical to get one that did both, but I couldn’t find one.”

Not to mention that she couldn’t have afforded one if she had. She had bought an enormous assortment of chocolate frogs, sugar quills and Bernie’s Beans—which Severus had wrinkled his nose at and Evans had happily sighed. Severus had insisted they buy enough chocolate frogs for all the elves too and then Evans had found an enormous sugar quill she wanted to give the headmaster, who had always had a soft spot for the candy quills so they both split the cost of it.

Then they had made a stop at the bookstore where Evans spent half an hour rolling her eyes and scowling around while Severus explored every aisle, his eyes shining. He had even convinced Evans to go and distract the shop keeper while Severus snuck down into the restricted dark section, where underage wizards weren’t allowed. Evans had carted an armful of magical cooking techniques to the front counter and spent ten minutes arguing and sighing with the shop owner over which one was the best, even though neither Evans nor the shop keeper knew anything about cooking. Evans only managed to drag Severus out of the store after she helped him choose two books out of a huge pile he had picked for himself. Their situation had reversed itself from the Joke Shop, with Severus scowling and hugging the books protectively to himself while Evans rolled her eyes in exasperation and demanded why in the name of Merlin he needed books about Ancient Greek Constellations and Magical Fungi of Varying Uses. Finally, they had settled on two books and then paid for them and left the shop, staggering under the weight of their candy bags and the bags from the Joke Shop.

They turned around a corner. Severus squinted through the crowd and could see the far away sign of the pub. He nodded his head towards it.

“There it is. Just a few more blocks.”

Evans squinted down the street too and then shook her head in amazement. “You’ve got the eyes of a bloody hawk.” She muttered.

As they struggled along, Evans suddenly gave a small cry as she dropped her armful of bags again.

Scowling and muttering curses, she bent down and picked everything back up. Severus rolled his eyes in annoyance. While she was picking everything back up, Severus spied a nearby alleyway and got an idea.

As soon as she had gotten back up, Severus grabbed her elbow with his free hand and casually hurried towards it.

“Sev, what the hell are you doing? Where are we going? Can you slow down?! Merlin! I’ll drop everything again, you git, just wait and see.”

Ignoring her complaining, Severus swung her around when they reached the alleyway and ducked behind a nearby dumpster.

He crouched down and pulled her bags from her while she demanded to know what they were doing. Severus frowned at her and held a finger to his lips as he pulled his wand out.

“I’ll shrink the bags and make them easier to carry but you have to keep a look-out.”

Nodding and immediately understanding, Evans stood up and casually leaned against a nearby wall, keeping a sharp eye out for any grown ups who might be around.

Severus quickly muttered a Shrinking Charm at all the bags, which immediately shrank to the size of a small handkerchief. Standing up, he hid his wand away and put the tiny bags into the pocket of his robes.

He stepped out from behind the dumpster and gave Evans a nod, who grinned at him.

“Did I mention you’re a bloody genius, Sev?”

A shy smile flickered across his face before he suppressed it. He shrugged off the compliment as they walked out of the alley.

Evans scowled and rolled her eyes. “You can never take a bloody compliment, can you?” she grumbled, tossing a strand of bright red hair out of her eyes.

They continued walking down the main street towards the pub, when suddenly, Evans let out a gasp and grabbed Severus’ sleeve so suddenly he nearly fell over.

“What the bloody hell?” he exclaimed in annoyance as he flailed his arms to keep his balance.

Evans was staring at the nearby street corner, her eyes wide with excitement.

“Sev! Look! It’s a fortune-teller! Oh, we have to go and see what she says! Oh, I’m so bloody excited! Come on, already!” she squealed, yanking him over to her.

Severus sighed loudly and narrowed his eyes as they got closer to the woman. He decided immediately that he didn’t like her.

She was dressed in nauseatingly bright robes and layers of scarves and golden chains were drapped all over her. Her long black hair was held up by large, golden pins and enormous golden hoops weighed down her ears. She looked quite old since her face was lined with many wrinkles, but she apparently thought that covering her face in colorful junk and smearing it on her eyelids, lips and cheeks would hide that fact. Severus vaguely wondered whether Madam Violet looked like this, and right after that wondered why the hell Hedridge wanted to spend money to look like this.

Evans dragged him right up to her and gave her a bright smile. Severus waited for the woman to give them that enormous, horrid smile which Professor Palani always gave everyone around her, but surprisingly, the woman only gave Evans a soft smile and nodded.

“Good afternoon, you two. Been shopping?” she asked. Her voice was soft and gentle and Severus found himself slightly less hesitant about stepping closer to her.

Evans nodded and poked Severus in the ribs. He automatically started nodding, not even having heard the question.

The woman was hovering cross legged above a colorful mat on which a large crystal ball sat. Severus raised an eyebrow, impressed. Self-levitation for long periods of time was difficult enough but having conversations at the same time was exceptionally difficult. Gorgon had only recently started forcing him to recite potion ingredients while he was levitating, and he couldn’t count the number of times he had ended up crashing onto the long house tables in the middle of muttering the name of a leaf between clenched teeth.

He forced these distracting thoughts aside when he realized that the woman and Evans were discussing prices. He sighed, hoping that the woman was a true Seer and would be quick. She’d tell Evans that she’d do well in school, marry someone rich and die a happy woman and then they could go to the pub and Severus could start reading his new book.

He suddenly became aware of both Evans and the fortune-teller smiling at him. He frowned and glanced at Evans.

“What?” he whispered out of the corner of his mouth.

Evans raised her eyes upwards in exasperation. “You’re going first. Give her the two Galleons and get a move on already. I want to hear what she has to say about me.”

He frowned. “Why do I have to go?”

“Because I don’t want to go first.”

“Evans, this was your stupid idea. I don’t even want to have my fortune told.”

She stomped her foot. “Sev, don’t be a stupid git, please! I’ve been wanting to have my fortune told forever and I need to prepare first, so can you just please go?”

“Prepare? What in Merlin’s name do you have to prepare? All you have to do is listen. She’s got to do all the work. Do you have to clean your ears out or something?”

Evans scowled. “Sev, just go, come on. Please? Do it for me.”

“Oh, that’s an excellent motivator.”

“Don’t be such a bloody Slytherin. Just go or I’ll never speak to you again.”

“And that would be a loss because—?”

She scowled and stomped her foot again. “Sev, just go.”

Sighing, Severus rolled his eyes and stepped a bit closer to the woman, who gave him a gentle smile. Sending Evans a scathing glare, he pulled his last two Galleons out of his pocket and handed them to the woman.

The woman told him to please place his hands on the crystal ball for a moment. Slightly hesitant, Severus bent down and placed his hands on the cold globe. Immediately, the fog inside started swirling and turning a darker grey. Dark blue sparkling shapes swirled through the fog. Severus frowned, trying to make them out but he hadn’t read enough about divination to take an accurate enough guess.

Slowly, the ball rose through the air until it was floating in front of the fortune-teller, who frowned and made slow, elaborate hand motions over the globe, making the grey fog swirl in rapid circles. Severus saw shapes appearing and disappearing. For a moment, he swore he saw a little creature with only one floppy ear swirling through the fog. Moments later, he gasped and took a step back when one of the figure turned towards him and glowing green eyes stared at him from within the globe.

Forcing himself not to run away, he remembered that his Father was dead and that the fortune-teller was just sifting through the people in his past in order to get a fuller picture of who she was dealing with. He had read somewhere that someone’s past was interwoven with their future and two had to be looked at together to make a valid conclusion.

The woman was frowning sadly and she looked at Severus, her dark eyes filled with sadness.

“I see pain and darkness in your past. None of which you chose but which—”

“Yes, thank you, I know. Just skip my past. I’ve lived through it once and I don’t need a repeat.”

She nodded and then moved her hands faster, making the images swirl faster. Suddenly, the fog grew lighter and a figure who had a tall hat and a flowing beard and a bird on his shoulder swirled past. Severus smiled. Even an idiot could have guessed who those two had been.

Seeing his smile, the fortune-teller smiled too. “The present is lighter and happier. You have found the light but have yet to learn how to use it.” She whispered, nodding happily as if this was good news.

Severus was too busy staring at the swirling images and trying to determine if the next shadowy figure was Gabby or Peeves so he barely heard her words. He just nodded.

“Alright, now get to the future bits.” He smiled in anticipation. He could see it now. Him and Gorgon and all the other elves and ghosts living in an enormous house with Xira in the front yard and a huge chess board in the living room and entire rooms filled with nothing but books.

But instead of a house swirling into view, the fog started getting darker and darker until everything in the globe was pitch black. Severus stared at it in confusion. The globe started shaking and Severus took a step back from it while Evans demanded to know why it was being strange. The fortune-teller frowned, obviously upset and quickly muttered some spells at the shaking ball. The fog slowly started turning lighter, but just before the center turned light, Severus swore he saw two red eyes staring at him from the dark depths. The eyes held his for only a moment, but Severus swore those eyes saw right into his very soul.

The fortune-teller had obviously not seen the strange red eyes, for she continued frowning and muttering at the ball until it had returned to the slightly murky grey color it had been to begin with.

Only then did the fortune-teller look up at Severus, her face very troubled. She took a deep breath and stared at him with an unreadable expression on her face.

Severus thought that maybe the woman thought he had done something to her globe.

“I’m—I’m sorry about that, ma’am. I didn’t do anything to it, I swear.”

Evans was nodding. “I was looking at him the whole time, ma’am. It wasn’t him.”

The fortune-teller gave him a thin smile which looked quite forced. “I know, dear. It wasn’t you. The ball can’t hold very much dark magic without breaking.”

Severus frowned. “Dark magic? What does that have to do with my future?”

“Everything, dear.” She murmured, appearently deep in thought. Finally, she bit her lip and shook her head. “Well, even if the ball won’t show it, I’ll check just to make sure.” She said softly, as if speaking to herself. “Dear, could I see one of your hands, please?”

Frowning, Severus exchanged a confused glance with Evans, who shrugged. Severus reached out his right hand towards her. She softly shook her head. “No, your left one.”

Frowning even more, Severus took his right hand back and reached his left arm towards her. She gently held his hand with his palm upwards in one hand while her other hand rolled his sleeve up, exposing his forearm. She frowned and a terribly sad expression flew across her face as she gently stroked the soft, pearley white skin with her thumb.

“I can see it,” She whispered, sounding so sad that Severus was afraid she’d burst into tears.

“It’s pure now, but it will soon be forever marred by darkness.”

She looked up and stared at Severus, tears filling her eyes. She pulled his sleeve back down and gave him his arm back.

“If I speak, will you listen?” she asked.

Severus frowned and crossed his arms, not liking having a stranger telling him his arm would be messed up one day. He nodded.

“Don’t stray from the path of light. Once in darkness, it is terribly hard to find the light again, especially if you keep your eyes shut. With shut eyes, it is possible to stumble through the brightest light while lost in darkness which nobody else can see.”

Severus frowned while Evans shifted around beside him, neither of them understanding a word the woman had said.

Evans slowly grabbed onto Severus’ sleeve and started pulling him away from the woman, who still looked closer to tears. “Thank you very much, but we’re rather in a hurry—”

“But Evans, I thought you wanted—”

“And we really need to be going now,” Evans finished loudly, drowning out her friends voice.

Then the redhead spun around and walked away from the woman at a quick pace, nearly running.

Wanting to put as much distance between them and the strange woman, they nearly ran all the way to the Three Broomsticks, stopping in front of the door to gasp for breath.

Severus yanked his robe straight and carefully checked the pockets to make sure they still had everything. Evans was looking down the street at the fortune-teller, who had disapparated as soon as they had run off.

“What a freak! I didn’t understand a word she was saying. Whatever happened to telling you who you’ll marry and how many kids you’ll have, huh? That’s the interesting stuff.”

Severus nodded, frowning at the stupidity and confusion of his fortune.

When they had caught their breath, they pushed open the heavy door of the pub and went inside. They frowned and dodged among tables and loud, laughing people of all ages with the occasional group of noisy Goblins. When they failed to see the headmaster anywhere, they went up to the barkeeper, who smiled and said that Dumbledore was in a meeting upstairs and that they were welcome to wait here for him.

Severus scowled and shifted around, not wanting to waste time waiting for the headmaster. He wanted to tell him all about what they had done today and the strange gibberish the fortune-teller had told them. The headmaster would have a good laugh over that.

Evans was also scowling around but kept a steady smile on her face until the barkeeper had turned away from them.

Right away, Evans spotted the stairs leading to the upstairs where the pub had private rooms for meetings or ‘other purposes’. She yanked on Severus’ sleeve. Severus nearly fell off the barstool and hissed at her that she was being a git and what the hell did she want? Wordlessly, Evans jerked her chin towards the stairs and Severus right away grinned wickedly.

They both casually slid off their stools and wandered towards the stairs. When they reached the bottom, Severus held out his hand and Evans tightly clasped his hand with hers. While Severus pulled out his wand and prepared to levitate them, Evans kept a careful but casual eye out for curious bystanders or the barkeeper.

When nobody even looked their way, she gave Severus a tiny nod and right away, their feet lifted off the ground and they flew up the creaky stairs without making a sound.

Reaching the upper hallway, they floated onto the ground and then tiptoed from room to room, pressing their ears against the shut doors to listen for the headmaster’s voice.

They had reached one of the last rooms and had started to suspect that maybe the barkeeper had lied, when suddenly, they saw a sparkling web covering the door. Evans had stepped forward to touch it, but Severus yanked her hand back and hissed that it was a powerful dark ward and that it could burn her hand off if she touched it.

Severus searched his mind for any spell which could penetrate this particular wand, but came up with nothing, so he sighed and sat down infront of the door, leaning against the wall just like Evans was.

Evans shushed him a few times when he started to sigh from impatience, but then he explained to her that this particular ward also contained a silencing charm. Frowning at him, she demanded to know what the ward was called and what other ones were like it, so for a good twenty minutes, they discussed ward types and how to make them and how to break them. Severus didn’t know a lot about wards, but knew enough to satisfy Evans’ curiousity for all things she wasn’t supposed to be curious about.

Finally, the web flickered and disappeared. Right away, voices started drifting through the door.

“—and Edgar, do thank Emily for the plum sauce recipe. The cats and I thoroughly enjoyed it.” That had been an older woman’s voice.

A chuckle.

“Don’t know if Emily will consider that a compliment; her recipes being good enough for cats.” The voice had belonged to an old man, but not the headmaster.

The woman spoke again, sounding irritated. “Oh, Alastor, you keep that rudeness to yourself or I’ll think twice about taking your patrolling shifts next week.”

Two younger male voices laughed. “Mrs. Figg! You would be neglecting duties of the Order! That’s sacrilege.” One of them called out.

Severus frowned at Evans. “Order? What’s the order?” he whispered. Evans shrugged and then shushed him so they could keep listening.

The woman snorted. “Sacrilege, my rear-end, now both of you, behave yourselves and get your stuff packed. The barkeep said he needed this room ten minutes ago!”

“Not to mention we’ve got two tykes sitting outside this room listening to every word we’re saying, so hurry up and keep your mouths shut. Albus, I told you not to lower the ward until everything was packed.” The grisly old man gruffly muttered.

As soon as the words had sunk in, both Severus and Evans stared at each other with wide eyes, nearly overcome by panic. How the hell could someone see through the door?

Then they heard a chuckle which they both instantly recognized as belonging to the headmaster.

“Would one of these two youngsters be a dark haired gentleman and the other a red haired lady?” he asked. Severus knew his eyes were twinkling with amusement.

The gruff voice grunted in response. “Bloody right and they’re both looking panicked at having been caught, especially the dark haired one. Don’t know why they’re so worried. They didn’t overhear anything important. There’s no need to obliviate them.”

The headmaster chuckled again, and moments later, the door was thrown open and a stream of wizards and witches came out of the room and into the hallway. Two young wizards who looked like they could be brothers shot them both a smile and then thundered down the stairs. Several others gave them amused smiles and left, chatting amongst themselves. Some went down the stairs, some went into other rooms and some disapparated right from the hallway with a loud pop.

Finally, the last three figures came out. There was the old woman, who was wearing slippers and had a string shopping bag flung over one shoulder. She raised her eyebrows and put her hands on her hips when she saw them.

“Well, what do we have here? Two little buggers who like to listen to other people’s conversations, hm? Albus, don’t you ever teach those children of yours manners?”

The headmaster laughed heartily while he gestured for the two pale faced, staring youngsters to get up.

“It’s alright you two. Curiosity might be a troublesome trait, but an irrepressible one. There was no harm done. Now, may I introduce Arabella Figg and Alastor Moody? Alastor was the one who first became aware of your presence.”

Evans and Severus politely inclined their heads at the two adults while Severus curiously frowned at Mr. Moody. He vaguelly recognized him. He might have been among the Aurors who had come to rescue him and Gorgon from the manor, but he couldn’t remember. He hadn’t been paying much attention to the other wizards, asides from the headmaster. Mr. Moody gave Severus a firm nod and then muttered at the headmaster that ‘he looks a mity bit better than the last time I saw him’ and the older woman was nodding at him and frowning, declaring that he ‘was skin and bones and Albus had to force more food down his throat’. Severus was hardly paying attention to them but was staring in utter fascination at Mr. Moody’s eyes.

One of them was normal and the other was a bright blue glass eye which constantly swirled around in its socket. Obviously it had some unusual magical properties and allowed him to see through solid objects. Severus had half a mind to start pestering the man with questions about his eye, but remembered that Gorgon would be horrified by his rudeness so he bit his lip and kept quiet.

After everyone had nodded at everyone, Mr. Moody and Mrs. Figg bid the headmaster goodbye and then hurried down the hallway. Mr. Moody apparated from the top step while Mrs. Figg muttered something that sounded like ‘show off’ under her breath before making her way down the stairs.

As soon as they were alone, the two youngsters started apologizing for having eavesdropped but the headmaster chuckled and waved off their apologies and walked towards the stairs, asking them what they had done all day. Right away, the two started jabbering all at once, describing where they had been and what they had bought.

They slowly walked down the stairs, their words cascading over each other as the headmaster looked from one to the other, smiling and laughing.

Lastly, Severus told the headmaster about shrinking the bags, in a hushed voice of course. Evans had stared at him and stomped on his foot when he had started telling it, but Severus had scowled and said that he never lied to the headmaster and then promptly carried on talking. The headmaster had chuckled in amusement at the exasperated look on Evans’ face.

By then they had left the pub and were walking down the street when Evans elbowed Severus in the ribs and told him to tell the headmaster about the fortune-teller.

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. “A fortune-teller? Was it that wonderfully nice witch who always sits on the corner over by Gladrags?”

They both nodded.

“Yeah, that was her. All dressed up in those nauseatingly bright robes—”

“—And really nice golden jewelry that sparkled so nicely—”

“—And all sorts of junk on her face that made her look horrid—”

“—She didn’t look horrid, she looked a little over done. Like a christmas tree which Gabby gets carried away with—”

“—Or Gorgon after he fell into that jar of multicolor paint last summer when we were helping to paint Hagrid’s hut—”

An exasperated sigh. “Sev, you’re straying from the subject. Tell the headmaster what the fortune-teller said.”

“Oh, right. She said some junk about my past and my present which I knew and I don’t understand why I had to pay her to tell me those things. I mean, I lived my past and I’m in the present, so why the bloody hell—”

“Watch that language, please, my dear.”

“Sorry, headmaster. Anyway, so why did I have to pay—”

“Sev! You’re jabbering on about stupid junk. Tell the headmaster about the strange things she said.”

“I can’t remember it all.”

“Well, neither can I but you’re the genius one here.”

Severus frowned and tried to remember. “She said something about my arm—”

“Yeah, and then she grabbed his left arm and stared at it, like this.”

Evans grabbed Severus’ arm and yanked his sleeve up and shoved his forearm at the headmaster. Severus scowled and yanked his sleeve back down. “And then she said something about darkness marring my arm or something.”

The headmaster froze, a deep frown creasing his forehead. He turned to Severus and bent down slightly. Severus frowned when he saw how worried the headmaster looked.

“Headmaster, there’s no need to worry. It’s all stupid junk. I’m never letting anybody near my arm, that’s for sure.”

The headmaster continued looking worried. “Severus, what else did she say? It’s very important that you try to remember her exact words.”

Severus frowned and looked at Evans, who chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully.

“Something about not straying from the path of something—”

“—The path of light—”

“—Right, the path of light since it’s very hard to find it again—”

“—Especially with your eyes closed or something like that—”

“—Pretty stupid thing to say. I mean, who walks around with their eyes closed? It’s ridiculous. You’d be tripping all over the place and always walking into things.”

The headmaster looked more and more worried as the pieces of the fortune came together. For a moment, his eyes clouded with sadness and he stared at Severus with the same sadness as the fortune-teller had.

Severus frowned. “Headmaster, are you alright?” He had been about to tell the headmaster about having seen those strange red eyes, but then decided that he didn’t want to upset the headmaster anymore than he already had.

The headmaster took a slow, deep breath and then straightened. He stared at a shop beside them, his thoughts miles away.

“There’s still time,” He whispered softly, as if speaking to himself or trying to convince himself of something.

Suddenly, he shook his head and smiled down at the two worried face. “I’m quite alright, dear.”

Severus nodded and then frowned. “Did you understand what she was talking about? It was all just a bunch of gibberish to me.”

The headmaster stared at him with an unreadable expression on his face. He could either explain to the young child the difficult choice he would later have to make, or he could avoid the subject entirely and hope that keeping Severus ignorant would also keep him safe. The old wizard quickly ran through both options in his head before making that fateful choice. “Severus, it’s not important. None of it. You’re right. It’s just gibberish. Forget about what she said.”

Immediately accepting the headmaster’s words, Severus nodded and then scowled at Evans.

“Didn’t I tell you it was rubbish? Now look what you did! You made me waste two Galleons.”

Evans’ eyes widened. “I did not!”

“You did too!”

“No, I didn’t, you git.”

“You’re the git here and yes, you did.”

They continued arguing with each other, not noticing the haunted look in the headmaster’s eyes and the look of despair which the old wizard tried to suppress.

“There’s still time.” He whispered again, so silently that the dark haired eleven year old walking in front of him didn’t hear him.

 

**Sept. 2, 1973**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus carefully used an eye dropper to let exactly six drops of lemon juice fall into the small cauldron. Gorgon nodded, looking very pleased.

“Very good. Very good. Now, what young master remember about lemon juice or all fruit juice?”

Severus frowned. “I have to lower the temperature or else they’ll burn right away.” He muttered and flicked his wand at the tiny fire, lowering it slightly.

“And why is this bad thing?”

“Because—because it’ll ruin the potion?”

“And—?”

“Because—because—I don’t know.” Severus mumbled, frustrated with himself.

Gorgon casually leaned over and leered meaningfully at the moonglow moss which Severus had carefully sectioned and added to the potion only minutes before.

Severus frowned between the cauldron and the moss until finally, comprehension dawned.

“The moss begins to produce massive amounts of hydrogen ions.”

“Which will—?”

“Lower the pH of the entire potion and make it too acidic to consume so the whole thing will be ruined.”

Gorgon nodded, a proud smile on his face. “Good, good. You see? Young master brilliant.”

Severus scowled but bit his lips to hide the faint blush that had crept into his cheeks.

Gorgon grinned at him and waggled a finger at him. “Oh, young master blushing! Young master know it’s true!” he crowed.

Severus blushed even worse and then muttered a nasty word at his elf. Using his wand, he levitated a pile of rat tails lying on the table. Carefully pointing at them one by one, he sent them zooming towards his elf, who shrieked and covered his head with his arms, laughing hysterically.

After taking the assault for a while, the elf finally held up a hand and immediately, the rat tails froze. Severus scowled. “Hey, that’s not—” The last words of the complaint were lost as Gorgon grinned wickedly and twirled his finger, sending the rat tails spinning around and flying towards his young master.

Severus took a step back from them and raised his wand. Without thinking, he transfigured them all into different colored socks which pummelled him as he gave a cry of despair.

Gorgon laughed harder, nearly falling off the desk he was sitting on. With a wave of his hand, he changed the socks back into rat tails and then scowled at them until they had stopped flying around and were sitting in a neat pile on the desk again.

Severus glared at the pile as he stepped back towards the cauldron. “Filthy things. I wanted to burn them, but then I thought that Professor Bodin certainly wouldn’t be pleased to have lost a nice pile of tails while I ruined the potion because I couldn’t use them. He’d never let us work in here during the summer again.”

Right on cue, one of the tails wiggled. Severus glared at it while Gorgon snorted with laughter.

“Elf! We have to behave ourselves. Professor Bodin or Fawkes will be by to check on us any minute and then we’ll both be yelled at for wasting time and being immature.”

Nodding and seeing his point, his elf finally controlled himself and went back to frowning into the cauldron.

Sending a last glare at the tails, Severus used his wand to carefully enchant his stirrring rod and gently send it swirling through the potion, mixing it quite nicely. At one point, he put too much enthusiams into the charm and the stirring rod nearly flung half the potion out, but Gorgon quickly stopped the spell and told his young master to keep it slow but controlled.

Nodding, Severus went back to making the rod stir slowly and calmly.

The two of them had been bored stiff for the last few days. They’d already gone to Diagon Alley for their annual shopping trip with the headmaster and they’d already poured over the many textbooks Severus would be using next year, and since Mr. Filch had come back from his vacation early, they were excused from chores, leaving them with nothing to do except for getting into trouble. They had levitated themselves through the hallways, zooming around and nearly bowling over exasperated professors and they had enchanted the portraits to constantly start singing rude limericks as soon as anybody walked by.

Finally exasperated by their mischief, Professor McGonagall had demanded that the staff members find something for them to do. Professor Sprout had roped them into helping her plant half a million Aquafights—which had to be watered with tree syrup since they got quite violent when exposed to water—and Hagrid had asked them to help him groom the thestrals. Gorgon and Severus had loved helping him, especially when they got to groom Xira. The thestrals had all been filthy, their coats covered in burrs and mud and their manes and tails matted, knotted messes, but after three whole days of exhausting work, they were all shining. Lastly, Professor Bodin had run across them in the library and wanted to know if they felt like helping him make cough syrups and pepper-up potions and sleeping draughts for Madame Pomfrey. They had right away agreed and had spent the last few days in the dungeons, helping the enthusiastic, constantly grinning professor prepare the potions.

Today, for the first time, they were left without any supervision, since the Professor had to attend a staff meeting for the majority of day and had left them to prepare the last batch of cough syrups. Severus had been stunned when the professor had left the two of them in charge of such an important assignment, and the two of them had vowed to him that they wouldn’t make a single mistake. Professor Bodin had laughed and said that they were the best little potion makers he knew and that he wasn’t worried at all. Then he told them to have a ‘simply fabulous time’ and left them.

Severus sat down at the workbench and started cutting up the rat tails, carefully pulling the hard scales off them before chopping them into tiny, one centimeter thick slices.

His elf was watching him carefully and was nodding. “Okay, so why we remove scales?”

Severus rolled his eyes. Easy question. “They’re too hard to melt properly and anybody with a cough has enough problems with their throat without choking on them.”

Gorgon snorted and nodded. Gesturing at the pile, he summoned a few of the tails to himself and then snapped his fingers, making a knife appear in his hand. Bending over, he started chopping the tails into little bits as well.

They chopped in silence, each concentrating on the thickness of their slices, before Gorgon frowned slightly and glanced at his young master.

“So is young master sure?”

Severus frowned in confusion and glanced down at his rat tails. “About the slices having to be one centimeter thick?”

“No, no. About classes.”

Relieved that he hadn’t been cutting the tails incorrectly, he stopped chopping and frowned at his elf. “What about classes?”

“Is young master sure he not taking too many next year?”

“Gorgon, we’ve been over this. Classes have been boring me to tears for the past two years—”

“But they will be more advanced this year.”

“Elf, we’ve both skimmed over the curriculum for all my regular classes and there’s hardly any new material on there. I’ll be bored if I don’t take electives.”

Gorgon sighed and put his knife down. “Alright, fine. Maybe a few electives would be good idea, but all of them? That is bit too much.”

“I’m not taking all of them. I’m not taking Muggle Studies.”

“Alright, fine. No Muggle junk. But let’s count other classes, alright? So. We have transfiguration, charms, defence against Grindelwald—”

Severus snorted. “For the millionth time, elf, it’s defence against the dark arts.”

Gorgon waved a dismissive hand. “Same thing. Alright, so we have those three, then we have magical creatures, history, herbology, astronomy, potions—which you’ll be in fourth year in so that’s already hard material—and now you want to take ancient somethings—”

“Runes, elf. Ancient Runes.”

“Right, those things. And you want divination and arithmancy. That’s 11 classes. Simply too much.”

Severus sighed. “Gorgon, we’ve discussed this with the headmaster. My schedule will be a mess, but it’ll be managable. I always have loads of time on my hands anyway and besides, I want to take all those classes. I want to know those things, elf.”

Gorgon gave him a long look before finally sighing and nodding. “Alright then. If young master sure then that is what we do.” Picking his knife up again, he sighed at it. “Well, we going to have our hands full this year. We going to have to practice hard and read ahead and start revising for exams very early.”

Severus smiled down at his rat tails. Even if he was the one pulling himself into an impossible situation, he could always count on Gorgon being there no matter what.

 

*             *             *

 

Severus slowly turned another page in his third year herbology textbook and then handed it to his elf, who was sitting beside him on the bed. Holding the book with one hand, he unwrapped a chocolate frog he had gotten from Mixie a few hours before.

Severus frowned when Gorgon didn’t immediately grab the book with eager hands and clear his throat to start reading. He frowned down beside him and found the old elf staring off into space, completely unaware of the huge book looming inches from his nose.

Severus rolled his eyes. “Elf! Would you pay attention? That’s the second time you’ve drifted off like this. If you don’t want to read then that’s fine. We can go for a walk or go up to the kitchen instead.”

Gorgon quickly shook his head. “No, no. Gorgy loves to read, young master knows that and it very important we read ahead for this next year, but Gorgy’s mind not on herbology at moment.”

“Then where is it?”

“Hmm?”

“Your mind. If it’s not on herbology than what are you fretting about?”

Gorgon waved a hand at him and shot him a small smile. “Oh, no, no. Gorgy not fretting about anything. It’s nothing.”

Severus scowled and shut the book with a snap. “Well, it’s obviously something. You’ve been lost in thought and mopping around for the past two days now. Now, come on, tell me. I always have to tell you when something’s bothering me so why do you get to keep it all to yourself? That’s not too fair.”

Gorgon sighed and looked like he was going to try to brush it off again, but then Severus gave him a stern look and the old elf sighed.

“It’s just that school starts again tomorrow.”

Severus sighed. “You don’t have to remind me.” He groaned, already picturing the quiet corridors infested with loud, annoying gits, more specifically ones with the names of Potter and Black and their two adoring shadows—Lupin and whatever mouse’s name was. “But why does that concern you, elf? Your life hardly changes at all once school starts.”

“Oh, it does change. That is thing. You see, during holidays, young master always around, but during school, Gorgy must find something to do all alone.”

Severus frowned. “I thought you spent the time down in the kitchen with Gabby and the others.”

“I do but see, thing is, Gorgy was never raised to be a kitchen elf. Gorgy learns quickly, sure, but other elves not comfortable with Gorgy working in kitchen, since that not his place, and really, Gorgy not comfortable either.”

Severus frowned into the ensuing silence, mulling this over. This really was a problem. Of course the thought of his elf being bored had crossed his mind quite a few times, but his elf had always jabbered on about his ‘so fabulously exciting’ days that Severus never thought that Gorgon was exaggerating for his benefit.

Crossing his arms, Severus thought it over. “Well if you don’t want to help in the kitchen, then what about helping out with some classes? You know more about potions and herbology and everything else than most teachers.”

Gorgon shook his head. “Oh, no. That would not be right. Elf’s place is not in classroom.”

Severus scowled. “Says who?”

Gorgon waved that thought away. “It is simply not the way things are done, young master.”

Grumbling slightly over elf traditionalism, Severus went back to thinking. There had to be somewhere in the castle his elf could be useful and get to use his brilliant mind and the talents he had practiced so hard to perfect.

Suddenly, he sat up straight and his eyes lit up. “Elf! I’ve got it!” He turned and grabbed his elf by the shoulders. “What about helping Madam Pomfrey in the infirmary? She’s always complaining that she needs an extra hand, and you know loads about healing charms and healing potions already.”

Gorgon looked sceptical, although his eyes had slightly lit up when he had heard his young master mention the infirmary. “Oh, Gorgy not knows about that. It isn’t elf’s place to be where most can see him.”

“Oh, hogwash! You’re always telling me to accept that I’m not as dumb as I think I am, so you should too. And once you’ve accepted that, then it’s stupid to waste your talents away by having you help Filch scrub floors.”

His elf still didn’t look convinced. “But what about classes? Gorgy needs to help young master.”

“Of course you do, and you will. You won’t have to spend all your time in the infirmary, only when you have spare time.”

“Gorgy not sure if elf can dictate wants like that.”

“Hogwash, elf! If you won’t, then I will. You deserve to work where you want and when you want. Not all elves do, mind you, but you’re the best elf I know so you certainly do. Come on, we’re going straight upstairs to see the headmaster.”

Tossing his book onto his desk, Severus pushed himself off his bed and marched towards the door. Throwing it open, he strode down the dark corridor towards the chute.

Gorgon took a deep breath, muttered “Grindelwald” at the ceiling and then hurried out after his young master, making sure to raise the wards around the room before running after him.

 

*             *             *

 

Having run the whole way, they forced themselves not to sprint up the spiralling staircase. Arriving in the headmaster’s office gasping for breath with their clothes all awry was no way to ask for a favor, according to Gorgon.

So they paused for a moment before the closed door to pull their clothes straight and make sure they looked presentable. Then they both stood up straight and knocked on the door.

After hearing the cheery ‘Come in’, they pushed open the heavy oak door and walked inside.

The headmaster glanced up from piles of parchment and open envelopes. Owls were sitting all around his office, some sleeping and some hooting quietly to themselves. One of the old headmistresses frowned out of her portrait when one of the owls ruffled it’s feathers and sent dust flying all over her portrait.

“Ah, good evening you two. Come on in. I hope you’ll pardon the mess. Frantic parents always send last minutes owls, wondering if their child should bring extra bedding or parchment or food.” Waving his hand at the pile on his desk, he gave them both big smiles and his eyes twinkled from behind his half moon spectacles. “So what can I do for you two?”

Severus and Gorgon went and sat down in the familiar chairs. They exchanged a glance before Severus leaned forward.

“We came to ask you a favor, headmaster, if we may.” Severus said.

“Of course you may. Anything, anytime, my dear.”

Severus opened his mouth and was about to blurt out the request, but suddenly, he found that familiar shyness clutch hold of him and he ducked his head down, letting strands of his hair form a curtain around his face. For some reason, it didn’t feel right for someone like him to be asking such a great, kind man like the headmaster for a favor.

“Now, dear, what’s this shyness? You can ask me for anything, dear. Absolutely anything.”

He heard a quiet chuckled and then felt the gentle flickering of magic around him as the strands of black hair were smoothed behind his ears.

Gathering his courage, he looked up and forced himself to meet that steady gaze filled with kindness.

“I wanted to ask a favor for Gorgon, actually.”

“Uh huh, go on.”

“Uhm, well, you see, sir. Gorgon is always quite bored while I’m in classes. He’s tried helping out in the kitchen, but he wasn’t raised to be a kitchen elf, sir, and well, you know how it is with elves. If they weren’t raised to be there then it’s not considered proper—”

“Of course, I completely understand.”

Severus nodded, glad that the headmaster understood elves as well as he did. Not a lot of people understood the ancient rules which all elves quietly abidded by and never allowed themselves to forget.

“So Gorgon was wondering if you would allow him to work in the infirmary with Madam Pomfrey. He gets along well with her, and you know that Gorgon is always very polite and a very fast learner and he’s a very smart elf and he knows a lot about healing charms and potions already so he’d be a great help for her. And I understand if you don’t want an elf in the infirmary, but I’m asking you to please consider it since he’s a very smart elf and he’d be a real asset—”

The headmaster smiled and held up a hand. “I understand what you’re saying, and I think it’s a fabulous idea. Poppy’s been wanting a few volunteers for years and having one with a bit of medical experience would be an enormous asset. I understand that Gorgon would only want to volunteer his time while you’re in school, but that still leaves plenty of time and I’m sure Poppy would love the help. I’ll go speak with her tomorrow morning and then I’ll pop by the kitchen to get you, Gorgon, if that’s alright.”

His elf was staring at the headmaster with a dumbfounded expression on his face. The headmaster frowned slightly, thinking that perhaps Gorgon wasn’t comfortable going alone. “If you’d like, I could accompany you when you first go to see her.”

Before Gorgon could protest the kind offer, Severus quickly nodded. “That would be fantastic, sir.” If Madam Pomfrey was going to be rude to his elf, Severus wanted to be sure the headmaster was there to yell at her properly.

His elf’s eyes were shining and even Severus was smiling quietly. They both exchanged happy glances before they turned and started thanking the headmaster.

He chuckled and held up a hand. “It’s alright, you two. I have to admit that this is a rather convenient ‘favor’ for everyone concerned. Gorgon will have something to keep him busy, Poppy will have an assistant, and I will have two nurses yelling at me to take my vitamins. It’ll be wonderful.”

 

**Nov.13th, 1973**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus thoughtfully munched on a chocolate frog as he frowned down at his parchment, thinking of other ways one could differentiate between a werewolf and a normal wolf. He tactfully ignored Gabby and Rudy, who were trying to be helpful by growling at each other and pretending to be werewolves. Gorgon was laughing so hard that he nearly dropped the heavy defence against the dark arts textbook he had lying open on his lap.

Severus rolled his eyes at them and shifted a bit on the kitchen counter and leaned back, nearly upsetting a pitcher of juice in the process. He winced mentally, glancing at the stack of other reference books he had snuck out of the library, all having little bits and pieces of useful information about the dark wolf creatures. Madam Pince would kill him if she found out he had not only snuck the books out—using a silencing charm to keep their shrill protests quiet—but he had accidently spilt juice all over them too.

“Can young master think of anything else? There is one last characteristic left.” Gorgon hollered over Gabby’s shrill laughter and Rudy’s menacing growl. Mixie hurried over and shook her finger at them and shot Severus an apologetic smile.

Severus frowned. “Well, we’ve got the snout, the tail, the fur and the teeth. What else is left?”

Gorgon blinked at him meaningfully and then ducked as Mixie attempted to throw a cookie at the howling werewolves and missed them entirely.

Severus frowned, not getting it. Hearing a certain bird clearing his throat in his head, he glanced up at the top of the cupboard where Fawkes was perched.

“ _If I might interupt, I don’t think this noise is appropriate at all. In fact, I don’t believe the kitchen is an appropriate place to be_ —”

“Bird, either tell me the answer or be quiet. I’ve already yelled at Gabby and Rudy three times and I’m sick of it. If they want to be immature, then let them.”

Fawkes sighed irritably. “ _It’s the eyes_.”

“What?”

“ _The eyes. Werewolves always have human eyes. They retain their eyes from their human forms_.”

“Oh, thanks.” Dipping his quill into the ink pot beside him, he finished adding it to his essay. He frowned and read it over. He didn’t think he had missed anything. He had their history, their characteristics, their mating habits, their preferred prey and possible defensive charms to use when being attacked by a werewolf.

Nodding to himself, he handed the essay to his elf, who set to work reading it over and checking for spelling and grammatical mistakes.

Severus wearily rubbed his temples, glaring at Gabby and Rudy, who were prowling around on the floor, still growling at each other.

He barely heard the portrait being swung open through the noise. He barely looked up, knowing that there was only one person who would be coming down to the kitchen at one in the morning.

Her red hair shone in the kitchen lights and she grinned and squealed when she spied Rudy and Gabby. The two immediately stopped their growling and ran over to her. Rudy went to fetch her a drink of butterbeer from the fridge and Gabby started jabbering about the new hair ties she had found for her ears.

Evans oohed and aahed over them and the two started squealing about the different color combinations Gabby could use them in and how long she thought the fabric would last before tearing.

Severus rolled his eyes as Gorgon leaned over to point out that the word ‘snout’ had an ‘o’ in it and not two ‘u’s.

Finally, Evans came wandering over, sipping her butterbeer and shouting greetings to the other elves. She glanced up at the cupboard and gave Fawkes a polite nod.

“Good evening, Mr. Fawkes.” She called up. Fawkes returned her nod. Then Evans crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at the figure bent over his essay with his elf, correcting spelling mistakes.

She scowled. “What are you buried in this time?”

Severus glanced up. “Our werewolf essay.”

Evans rolled her eyes. “That thing isn’t due for ages.”

“It’s due tomorrow morning, Evans.”

Her eyes widened. “What?”

Severus sighed, having become completely accustomed to his friend’s sloppy study habits.

“I told you to start it three days ago, didn’t I?”

Evans scowled. “Oh, don’t be my mother. I’ll do it, I promise. I just don’t feel like doing it right now. I’ll get up half an hour before classes start and do it then.”

Severus blinked. “You expect to research and write and proofread an entire essay in half an hour?”

Evans rolled her eyes and laughed. “No. Unlike some people here, I don’t pour through every book I can lay my hands on in order to write one little essay and I don’t proofread it four million times.”

Severus scowled. “And that might be why you never get above ‘acceptable’ on anything.” When she just shrugged, he rolled his eyes in exasperation. “Here.” He took his essay out of Gorgon’s hands after the old elf nodded in satisfaction at its completion. He thrust it at Evans, who raised her eyebrows.

“I can copy your essay?”

“Well, not word for word, you idiot. Just use the main ideas and put them in your own words. You’ll never get it done if you have to read through the text to pick out the information.” He muttered.

Evans grinned and threw her arms around him in a quick hug before carefully hiding the essay in her robes. “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, Sev. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Severus frowned, having completely tensed up and frozen when she’d lunged at him. He only managed to relax again after she’d taken a step back—her having sensed his unease.

Severus scowled. “You’d probably fail everything and have to repeat third year next year. I can’t believe you got through potions and history last year with a ‘poor’ but the headmaster let you take third year anyway.”

Evans shrugged. “Potions and history both suck, and don’t you dare start preaching about how useful they both are. I hate them both.”

“That’s still no reason to put absolutely no effort into those classes. The least you can do is get an ‘acceptable’.” He couldn’t suppress a slight shudder at the word.

She narrowed her eyes. “Did you just flinch?”

“No.”

“Yes, you did! There’s nothing wrong with getting an ‘acceptable’!”

Severus shrugged. “Fine. If you say so.” He tried to keep the doubt out of his voice, but Evans smelled it and pounced on it.

She turned to his elf. “There’s nothing wrong with getting an ‘acceptable’, is there, Gorgon?”

Gorgon looked back and forth between his young master and his fiery friend.

“Uhm, well, you see’s Miss Lily. Uhm, Gorgy thinks that if you tried very, very hard and still got ‘acceptable’then it’s okay, but Miss Lily not try her hardest in classes, which is understandable since she not liking them, but Miss Lily could manage much more than ‘acceptable’ if simply try harder.”

Evans scowled. “What is this? Now I have both of you preaching at me? Come on, you two, lighten up, for Merlin’s sake. It’s just third year and all that matters is that I pass the stupid classes so I can go onto fourth year. The only time marks are going to matter is in fifth year for OWLs so I don’t see why you’re so upset.”

Severus sighed, knowing full well that if Evans wanted to get good marks on her OWLs she would have to start developing better studying habits and try harder now and not just a week before those fateful exams came. He was about to start arguing with her when he saw her raising her eyebrows at him.

He sighed and decided against arguing. He wasn’t in the mood.

Evans had raised her eyebrows expectantly at him. “Well? What are you waiting for? Let’s go.”

Spinning on her heels, she started walking towards the portrait hole.

Severus and Gorgon frowned at each other and even Fawkes looked puzzled. She paused with one foot through the portrait hole, having sensed that nobody was following her. She scowled at them all.

“Come on! We don’t have all night, I still have to write that bloody essay, remember? Besides, it’ll take us ages to sneak past Filch and Mrs. Prissy.”

None of them moved and Evans scowled. “Bloody hell, you three are denser than dragon dung.” She muttered, ignoring Fawkes screech of protest at her swearing. “Sev, you promised you’d teach me to ride the thestrals tonight.”

Severus raised his eyebrows. “You remember something I promised you three weeks ago but you can’t remember to write a simple little essay when it was assigned five days ago?”

She waved a hand impatiently. “Stop being a git and let’s go already!”

Grumbling, Severus leapt off the counter and followed her, Gorgon at his heels. Fawkes flew off his perch and landed on his shoulder with a disapproving sniff.

Gabby yelled after them to have fun and Rudy promised to cart all the books back down to his room. Thanking him, Severus climbed through the portrait hole, ignoring Evan’s hushed whispering that he hurry up.

 

*             *             *

 

Evans scowled in exasperation when Fawkes squawked and edged even closer to Severus’ head after something rustled in a dark bush. Severus rolled his eyes. “Would you relax? It’s just a bunch of pixies. They can’t hurt us.”

Evans threw her tight braid over her shoulder and curiously stared at the wriggling, hissing bush.

“Pixies? Really? Oh, can I see one? I’ve never seen any.”

Severus sighed as Gorgon smoothered a smile. “Evans, we can’t stop and gawk at every creature we stumble across, otherwise we’ll only reach the clearing by dawn and then one of the teachers will notice we’re missing and we’ll both get into trouble.”

Wrinkling her nose in disappointment, Evans crept after him, all three of them keeping low to the ground, their wands out. Evans kept a tight hand entwined in Severus’ robes since her night vision was nowhere near as superb as either Severus’ or Gorgon’s, both of whom only needed the faint streaks of moonlight piercing through the dark canopy of leaves above them in order to see where they were going.

Finally, they pushed through a last clump of bushes and stepped around the reaches of a mumbling oak tree and they emerged in the small clearing where the thestrals always ate their dinner.

Evans’ eyes widened slightly and she held back for a moment, but after Severus strode onwards, she hurried after him.

Neither Gorgon nor Severus slowed down as they wound their way through the throngs of quietly feeding black horses, their blood stained fangs tearing strips of flesh off the cow carcass lying amid them. A few thestrals quietly stood in groups farther off, raising their heads and their white eyes curiously following the three people.

Fawkes cleared his throat. “ _Uhm, I think it would be wise to slow down a bit_.”

Severus scowled. “We’ve done this dozens of times, bird. They know us already.”

“ _They might know us, but they don’t know Miss Evans. Her presence might agitate them, especially if she just leaps on one of them_.”

Severus nodded, seeing his point. Motioning for Evans and Gorgon to stop, he quietly cleared his throat. Most of the feeding thestrals ignored him, already accustomed to his presence, but some of them curiously raised their heads. Severus searched among the dark creatures until he finally saw Xira standing amid a group of thestrals at the other end of the meadow.

Wetting his lips, he let out a soft, low whistle. Immediately, Xira snorted and tossed her head and trotted over. Severus held out his hand and smiled when she gently sniffed it and then butted it with her muzzle, snickering softly.

Gorgon gave her a polite nod while Fawkes tried to keep from panicking, still not willing to completely trust the dark creature, even though Xira had never harmed any of them and had sworn to Dumbledore never to do so.

“Evening, Xira. I was wondering if we could go for a short ride tonight.”

Xira nodded and snorted softly. Severus nodded and then motioned for Evans to step up beside him.

Evans slowly stepped forward, her eyes huge as she stared at the huge, terrifying looking winged horse. Xira stared at her with those eerie white eyes and Evans continued staring until Severus rolled his eyes and nudged her in the ribs. Right away, she quickly nodded to Xira.

Severus could see Evans’ fear so he stretched out a hand and gently pet Xira on the nose. Evans stared at him.

“Go on. She won’t bite, I promise.”

Trusting him, Evans tentatively stretched out a hand and gently stroked the soft black nose. A smile flickered across her ghostly pale face. “Her nose is incredibly soft.”

Severus nodded and exchanged a look with Gorgon. “It should be. We spent a whole day brushing it.”

Evans gradually got bolder and started stroking the rest of the tall thestral’s face and then gently pet her bony neck, running her hand down the sleek, black hide.

“They’re beautiful creatures.” Evans murmured.

Severus smiled, glad to see that he wasn’t the only one who appreciated the thestrals for their unique beauty and cleverness. They weren’t beautiful in the way unicorns were, but they were beautiful in a dark, majestic, powerful sort of way.

“This is Lily Evans, Xira. She was wondering if one of you would like to volunteer to let her ride around for a bit. She’s never ridden a thestral before.”

Xira quietly stared at Evans for a moment before turning her head towards the group of thestrals she had been standing with and snickered softly.

Immediately, another thestral raised her head and trotted over. Severus smiled. It was a female thestral as well.

Evans tentatively stepped towards the thestral and held out  hand, which the dark creature gently sniffed and then snickered and nodded.

Evans frowned at Severus. “What does that nod mean?” she whispered.

Severus rolled his eyes. “It means that she’s okay with you riding around a bit.”

Evans squealed quietly and clapped her hands. Severus walked up beside Xira and helped Gorgon up before grabbing Xira’s mane to pull himself up.

“Sev! Wait! How am I supposed to get up? I need a stump or something.”

Severus rolled his eyes and walked around Evans’ thestral. “Evans, only sissy’s need stumps to climb onto a thestral. If you’re going to ride a thestral, then you have to get on properly.”

He manuvered her over until she was standing on the thestral’s left side. Taking her left hand, he made it tightly grasp the thestral’s mane and yanked once or twice to make sure her grip was secure. Evans gasped and nearly let go.

“Sev! Doesn’t that hurt them?”

“Evans, thestral don’t have any nerves at their mane roots. They couldn’t feel it if you ripped chunks of it out.” He explained quietly.

Evans nodded, frowning slightly as she thought this over. Then she turned back to her thestral and tightened her grip. “Alright, now what?”

“Now you turn this way—like that, yeah—and then you take a step back and then you swing yourself forward and up and use the mane to pull yourself up.” At Evans’ incredulous look, Severus waved it away. “I know it sounds hard but it just takes some practice.”

Nodding, Evans took a deep breath and quietly counted to three before swinging herself into the air—and promptly missing the thestral entirely and landing with a hard thump on the clearing floor.

Severus sighed and bent down to help her up. Instead of bawling hysterically and whining that she didn’t want to do this anymore, Evans was frowning darkly and brushed off her robe. Tossing a few loose strands of hair out of her face she gave him a determined nod.

“Alright, that was shit. Let’s try it again.”

It took three more tries until Evans could swing herself onto her thestral’s back and stay there without falling off. Then Severus showed her how to keep her legs wedged in front of the wing joints and how to hold on and steer the thestral using their manes.

Then Severus swung himself onto Xira and muttered for Gorgon and Fawkes to hold on. Fawkes gave a quiet sigh and muttered that he was seeing visions of his nice, bright cage in his mind and Gorgon muttered a quick prayer to Grindelwald, like he always did. Severus ignored them both and waited until Evans nodded. Then he gently gave Xira a nudge and the dark horse started walking around the clearing, snorting softly. Evans’ eyes widened in amazement and a brilliant smile lit up her face when her own thestral started walking.

After a while, Evans started developing the natural rhythm which one needed in order to move with the horse’s movements and not against them.

Finally, Severus cantered up beside her and grinned. “So, you want to try flying?”

Evans gasped and grinned brilliantly. “Really? Oh, of course I do! But won’t it be terribly difficult to hold on?”

Severus shook his head. “No. Just keep your legs wedged underneath the wing joints but be careful when she first spreads out her wings. Just hang onto her mane and keep your legs wedged in tight and you’ll be fine.”

Nodding and looking half excited and half terrified, Evans tightened her grip in the dark tangle of hair.

Leaning over slightly, Severus quietly whispered for Xira to fly. Obediently, the two thestrals slowly spread out their huge leathery wings and then bent their knees before pushing off the ground. They soared upwards and their wings slowly started beating in the night air, carrying them steeply upwards, their long legs clawing through the darkness. Evans gasped and tightened her grasp with her legs and her hands when she thought she’d slide straight off the thestral.

After the two horses had reached the top of the trees, they started flying in low circles above the dark forest, their wings quietly and rhythmically beating up and down and their hooves cantering through the night sky as if the empty air was a road they were running down.

Severus grinned as the night air tore past him and Fawkes buried his head in the hood of his dark cloak and Gorgon continued muttering prayers. Severus glanced beside him where Evans’ thestral was flying.

“Amazing isn’t it?” he yelled over.

Evans’ eyes were shining as she curiously stared all around herself, not the least bit worried that she was racing through the night air. “It’s bloody fabulous! I can see everything from here, even Hogsmeade!” she yelled, untangling one of her hands and pointing at the distant cluster of twinkling lights coming from the wizarding town.

They continued racing around in large circles, keeping far enough away from the castle to avoid being seen by any curious onlookers who happened to gawk out of a window. The thestrals pawed through the air, their wings beating the night air as the cool, dark air rushed past the two smiling figures, the distant stars twinkling around them.

 

**Jan. 3rd, 1974**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus grit his teeth as he slammed his bag onto the wide desk, nearly squashing the small blue Moonglow Fern sitting on his desk. He scowled around himself, hating everyone and everything around him, especially those arrogant Gryffindor gits.

Potter and Black had been snarky and irritating all week, especially after Gryffindor lost to Ravenclaw at the last Quidditch match. Something about Potter having missed the Sintch or whatever that flying thing was called. Although Potter’s adoring fans showered him with smiles and reassurances that ‘he was still be best’ and ‘we’ll whip them next time, you’ll see’, Potter had refused to accept that he had—gasp—lost to someone, especially since that somebody was short, quiet Thomas Leander, who was the Ravenclaw Seeker. Needless to say, his enormous ego had been bruised and because Potter was feeling upset, that meant that Black was upset, which meant the two Gryffindors had been in sour moods all week and had been taking the majority of it out of Severus.

Meals had turned into a nightmare. All week, his utensils had been mysteriously flying into other people’s faces and his food exploding all over his neighbors meaning that his fellow Slytherins—who had never exactly liked him but had ignored him quite steadily over the past years—hissed and swore at him and threw hexes at him when he wasn’t looking. This of course amused Potter and Black to no end, who almost choked on their food with every bite. After having been locked into the Slytherin bathroom for hours until Gorgon found him and got him out and after having the Slytherins refuse to let him sit at their table, Severus had taken to skipping meals all together and eating in the kitchen.

Classes hadn’t been much better. Luckily Potter and Black were both stupid and weren’t taken any electives except for Muggle Studies, which Severus refused to touch. However, he still had to deal with seeing the two gits during the majority of his classes and they made his life miserable.

Anything he laid his hands on would mysteriously explode or zoom into his neighbors face, causing angry screaming and swearing and adding more people to the long list of people who hated him. Most of his professors—especially Professor McGonagall—knew that he was being relentlessly picked on by the two arrogant bullies, but he never told on them, knowing that ratting on them would only make them angrier and make his life worse.

Between classes he had taken to taking short cuts or waiting until everyone had left the classroom before slowly making his way to his next class in order to avoid the crowds. Black and Potter rarely attacked him when there wasn’t a crowd around to gawk and laugh and admire their efforts. He had gotten superb at hiding inside statues or ducking inside empty classrooms when he heard their loud, obnoxious voices drifting down the hallway.

Today, he hadn’t been so lucky. Professor Binns had handed out a small booklet filled with first hand accounts written by survivors of the Goblin Rebellions. Severus had started leafing through it during class and wandered out of class with his nose still buried in it.

That was why he didn’t notice the two tall figures walking in front of him and coming to a stop when one of them grinned and pointed behind them.

“Well, well, well. Is Snivelly lost in a book again?”

“Yup, and getting grease all over it. You know, you should really wash your hands before touching anything, Snivelly. It saves people the effort of having to disinfect anything your filthy hands touched.”

Instantly, Severus froze. He dropped his book and yanked out his wand, but he was two seconds too slow. Potter shouted “Expelliarmus” and Severus felt his wand flying out of his hand.

Black walked forward and kicked the wand another few meters away, not daring to touch it. Black had learned the hard way not to touch Severus’ wand, which wasn’t happy with letting other people touch it. When Black had tried to pick it up a few months ago, the wand had sent such an explosive stream of magic at Black that he had burnt his hands and had backed away from it, calling it a ‘freak’s wand’ and never touched it again.

Potter and Black slowly sauntered towards him, their wands drawn. Severus stared from their wand tips to his wand, coaxing it closer to him. It shivered slightly and started rolling towards him, but Severus couldn’t concentrate hard enough and the wand moved too slowly.

“So, the greasy git thinks he can touch anything he wants to, huh?”

Black sneered. “The freak has no respect for clean, decent things.”

Potter smirked coldly. “And we all know you don’t deserve to touch anything clean and decent, freak, don’t we?”

The crowd which had predictably gathered laughed. Mousy boy had appeared behind his two heroes and his eyes were shining as he hungrily stared at Severus, waiting to see what would happen.

Severus glimpsed Lupin in the crowd, who sighed quietly and frowned but didn’t say anything. Farther back, he could see a redhead fighting her way through the crowd. As soon as they made eye contact, Severus quietly shook his head. Evans stared at him, fury in her eyes. Severus shook his head again. They had discussed this at length. Severus refused to let Evans sacrifice her reputation for him.

Glaring at Potter and Black, Evans sent a small look of despair Severus’ way before elbowing her way out of the crowd, hissing at everyone to get out of the way.

That was when Severus realized Potter and Black were both glaring at him.

“So, Snivellus thinks he is allowed to touch clean, decent things. My, my. Don’t we think highly of ourselves?”

Severus realized they had misinterpreted the head shake he had directed at Evans.

“Well, looks like we’ll have to relieve him of those things.” Black said, sighing heavily.

Potter smirked. “Of course we do. It’s not his fault really that he doesn’t understand that filth like him shouldn’t touch anything. That would take brains.”

“Yeah, and freak here doesn’t have too many of those.”

“Nope. Everything up there is clogged with filth.” The crowd laughed again.

Severus was glaring at the floor, the insults clawing through his skin and making that familiar anger rush through his veins. He hated them. They sounded just like his Father. They insulted him, they humiliated him and they laughed at him.

Before he could move, Potter had snatched his bag from him and emptied onto the floor.

Black had picked up the small booklet Professor Binns had handed out. He lifted it up with two fingers, disgust clearly visible on his face.

“Well, this looks like it could still be saved.”

Potter nodded, pretending to look serious and then sent a stream of soapy water at the booklet, soaking it through. Black then let it drop onto the floor and the two gits pawed through the other books in his bag and pulled out his parchment, including an essay he had spent hours working on for potions.

One by one, Black held everything up and turned around for the crowd to see it before Potter drenched it. Lastly, Black picked up the essay.

Severus grit his teeth, anger nearly making him shake. He had stood by and listened to their insults and he had tolerated them destroying his books, but he wouldn’t tolerate them destroying his hard work.

“That’s mine, you stupid git. Give it back.” He said. He’d said it very quietly but his voice instantly carried through the crowd and a silence descended.

Black and Potter stared at him with raised eyebrows. Not once in nearly three years had he ever stood up for himself.

“Well, well. The greasy freak is trying to stand up for himself. That’s a nasty habit. We can’t have it continuing. We have to help him, Sirius.”

Black smirked and together, they pointed their wands at Severus. After muttering the incantation, streams of soapy water hit him right in the chest and threw him to the floor. The streams drenched his robe and his face and he curled up in a ball to avoid getting the soap in his mouth or eyes. He barely heard the laughter in the background.

Finally, the stream of water stopped.

“Well, I think he’s clean enough for now.” Potter sneered.

Black snorted. “As clean as he’s ever going to get. This was probably the closest to a shower he’ll ever get.”

They both laughed and without another word, they spun around and walked down the corridor, laughing and talking to their adoring fans who immediately crowded around them.

After a few minutes, Severus knew he was alone and let himself uncurl.

He crawled across the sodden floor to the pile of soggy paper which used to be his books and parchment.

A lump grew in his throat as he gently ran a finger down the soaking wet cover of his charms textbook and an astronomy book he had borrowed from the library. Underneath the soggy mess he found scraps of torn, soggy parchment which he instantly recognized as his essay. He gently picked up the scraps, knowing that there was nothing he could do to put it back together. He grit his teeth and forced back tears. He had spent five days on that essay. Five days.

Glancing up, he glared at his wand and channelled all his rage towards it. Immediately, it zoomed through the air and stopped before his nose. Severus glared at it and grabbed it.

“Shit load of good you did me,” He snarled.

“Young master shouldn’t swear. It not polite.” A quiet voice beside him said.

Severus squeezed his eyes shut. “Leave me alone, elf.”

“We know you’re pissed but that’s not a reason to want to be alone.” A quiet female voice said from behind him.

“Get away from me, Evans.”

They both ignored him and crowded around him, muttering drying charms at his clothes and hair and his sodden belongings.

While Evans packed everything back into his bag, Gorgon was frowning, trying to piece the torn pieces of his essay back together.

“Well, if young master leave essay with Gorgy, he could fix by the time young master has potions.”

Severus grit his teeth. “Forget about it, elf. You can’t fix it. It’ll still look like shit and I can’t hand in shit.”

“But—”

“Forget it!” he snarled and ripped the pieces of his elf’s hands and savagely tore them into even smaller pieces before hurling them at the wall. He realized he was shaking and tears were beginning to blur his vision.

“Sev, they’re stupid, arrogant bullies. Just ignore them. They’ll get tired of it eventually.”

Evans laid a gentle hand on his back but Severus twisted away from her.

“Don’t touch me.” He snarled. Pushing himself off the floor, he grabbed his bag and stormed down the corridor, leaving Gorgon and Evans sadly staring after him.

 

*             *             *

 

He had managed to suffer through Herbology since the Hufflepuff’s hadn’t heard of that day’s ‘fun’ events yet. He was snarky and mouthy to his lab partner and Professor Sprout and by the end of class, his lab partner was in tears and declared that she would never work with ‘that Slytherin boy’ again. Severus had glared at her and spat that that would suit him just fine. The stupid git didn’t even know his name after working with him for more than two years. Professor Sprout had quietly tolerated his attitude and only sharply reprimanded him twice when he had flung a water can across the greenhouse and when he had nearly thrown his herbology textbook at his whiny, prissy lab partner, who was too scared of the Moonglow Fern’s razor sharp leaves to come anywhere near it.

When the end of class came, he stormed back into the castle and right away went down to his room, deciding to skip potions—since he didn’t have anything to hand in anyway—and charms—since there was no way he was going to spend another second with Potter and Black.

Once he reached his room, he flung his bag into the corner beside his desk and threw himself onto his bed, burying his face in his pillow.

He clenched his eyes shut when tears threatened to overwhelm him. He wasn’t going to let them win. He wasn’t going to allow them the triumph of having made him cry. He didn’t care that nobody was around to see. He wouldn’t cry.

That familiar anger hummed through his head, racing sharply through his veins. He took a deep, shaky breath and clenched his blanket with his hands so hard that he nearly broke his fingers.

He hated them. He hated all of them. He wouldn’t have minded if they insulted him and made fun of him because he had done something horrible to them. But he hadn’t. Sure, he was a freak and he was stupid, but lots of other people were freaks and were stupid and Potter and Black only threw the occasional hex at them.

As he kept on thinking about it, a horrible idea suddenly started dawning on him. Maybe—maybe what the headmaster and Gorgon had been saying for years wasn’t true. Maybe he really was worthless and didn’t deserve to live. Maybe—maybe Potter and Black saw this and had decided that it was their responsibility to put him back in his place.

A cold shudder ran down Severus’ back. That couldn’t be true, could it? But he couldn’t think of any other reason they would treat him so badly.

His eyes widened slowly with horrid comprehension. Right away, he felt that tiny amount of self-confidence he had managed to build up starting to crumble.

No. He couldn’t allow that to happen. No. Gorgon and the headmaster had never lied to him. They wouldn’t ever do that. No. Potter and Black were just arrogant bullies, just like Evans had said. There weren’t any reasons attached to their insults and pranks. No. There couldn’t be.

 

*             *             *

 

He vaguely realized somebody was calling his name. The voice sounded quite far away but as his senses became more alert, he realized that the person was standing right beside him and that he had fallen asleep. He frowned. That was Evans’ voice. He kept his face hidden in his pillow, thinking that if he just ignored her, she’d leave.

But she didn’t. Instead, she swore and sat down beside him on the bed. She didn’t touch him, knowing how he hated being touched when he was lying on his bed, completely defenceless.

“Come on, Sev. At least turn your head a little so you can see what I brought.”

He sighed inwardly, knowing she wasn’t going away. He had become strangely accustomed to having his quiet, safe haven torn to shreds when this red haired firestorm came sliding down the chute with an excited screech and ran along the corridor towards his room. For some reason which he still couldn’t comprehend, his elf had shown her how to lower the wards the two of them kept on their room so Evans dropped by whenever she felt like it.

He heard the crinkling of parchment and curiousity got the better of him and he turned his head and squinted between strands of his hair. There was a piece of parchment being held about an inch away from his face. It was covered in writing which looked suspiciously like his own. He frowned. It reminded him of his essay.

“Evans, I don’t care what stupid crap you have written on there. Get it away from me and then get out of my room. I want to be alone.”

He heard Evans grumbling something and knew she was scowling.

“Come on, Sev. Gorgon and I spent hours working on it and then I went and spoke to Professor Bodin and he said you can still hand it in until seven o’clock and he won’t take any marks off for it being late.”

Severus frowned slightly, not understand what she was talking about. Evans impatiently shook the paper in front of his nose and he finally pushed himself up, shoved his hair out of his face and took the parchment from her.

He skimmed over the first few lines before he froze. It was a copy of his essay. Well, not an exact copy, but everything he had included in his essay was in this one. He frowned.

“Evans, how did you—?” His quiet voice was drowned out by a flood of words from her.

“I know it’s not an exact match since Gorgon couldn’t remember the precise wording for every sentence, but he remembered the majority of it since he spell-checked the original one. And I realized you couldn’t hand in an essay that was written in my handwritting so Gorgon came in here and borrowed one of your quills and showed me that neat little spell that you always use to help me with my essays, you know, the one which makes the quill write in the style of its normal user, not the person borrowing it. And anyway, that’s how we did it.”

Severus stared at it, not knowing what to say. He wasn’t accustomed to people doing nice things for him. He wasn’t the least bit surprised that his elf had helped, but he was amazed that Evans had helped.

He stared at her. “When did you find time to do this?”

She waved it off. “Well, I skipped charms, but this was more important.”

He continued staring at her and bit his lip as a shy smile nearly made him duck his head. “Evans, I—I haven’t got a clue what to say.”

She grinned at him. “Well, this would be a first, wouldn’t it?” When he continued sitting there and staring at her, she finally rolled her eyes and lightly punched him in the arm.

“Well? Get up and go hand it in already! It’s nearly seven and I don’t want to have skipped charms for no reason.”

Finally shaking off his shock, Severus gave her a smile and then leapt off his bed and ran towards his door.

 

**Mar. 15, 1974**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus glanced up from the book he was submerged in and glared in irritation. That stupid Ravenclaw was still standing in the aisle behind him, gawking at the astronomy books as if one of them would magically leap out at her and declare that it was the book she had always been looking for. Well, she might be a Ravenclaw, but she was still a mudblood. Stupidity was part of her genetic make up.

He swallowed an irritated sigh when she sighed softly and went back to the beginning of the stack and started her search all over again.

It wasn’t that he cared whether she was in the library or not, but he hated it when someone hovered over his shoulder, trying to see what the freak was reading. In most cases, the peeker was disappointed to find him submerged in a herbology or history book, but in this case, the nosy peeker wouldn’t be disappointed. He had gone into the restricted section and taken out a book on dark poisons using the skin and internal organs of different dark creatures. Then of course he had pulled out the proper book of antidotes as well, honoring his promise to the headmaster to not only gain knowledge but to learn how to control that knowledge.

He had been busy pouring over both books, eagerly soaking in the fantastic new poisons and ingredients he found and then anxiously leafing through the other book until he found an appropriate antidote. He was always quite proud of himself when he matched a potion to an antidote. Not only were they in different books, but the antidotes were rarely named ‘Antidote for the Such and Such Potion’ but always had strange and twisted names which had nothing in common with the poison they were associated with. So Severus had to read through the ingredients and figure out how much of what ingredient would counter that plant or liquid’s effects and then find the proper antidote which contained the proper amount of these items. Gorgon and him loved spending hours submerged in potions and antidote books, using all their knowledge to match the two seemingly impossible puzzles together.

When he had first found the right antidote book, he had been about to sneak them out of the library and bring them down to his room when he remembered that his elf was working late in the infirmary and wouldn’t be finished for a few hours, so he decided to stay in the deserted library. After all, none of the dunderheads he shared the school with would even consider sticking their noses into the library past dinnertime.

Well, apparently he had been wrong.

The Ravenclaw girl sighed again and Severus grit his teeth in irritation. He had slammed the poison book shut and hidden it beneath the antidote book, since the latter looked slightly tamer and didn’t hiss or try to rip his fingers off but only shook slightly from time to time, letting Severus know that it didn’t appreciate being removed from its section in the library.

Severus casually glanced over his shoulder to check on the girl’s progress, and nearly swore when he saw her arms were still depressingly empty of books. She was taking forever.

He glanced around the library, wondering if perhaps Madam Pince would come and yell at her, but the old strict lady loved having nice, quiet students sitting in her library at all hours, and the Ravenclaw girl certainly qualified. Well, according to Madam Pince anyway.

Finally, Severus couldn’t stand it anymore. He had been in the middle of trying to decide whether snake fang venom could be easiest counteracted by dragon blood or dragon hide. And then this stupid git showed up and distracted him.

He slightly turned in his chair and glared at her. “Are you nearly finished?” he demanded.

She jumped slightly and spun around. She recognized him immediately and narrowed her eyes.

“It isn’t any of your business how long I take.”

“No, it isn’t, but you’re being noisy and distracting me.”

She kept staring at him cooly. “I have every right to loiter in the library and take as long as I please and if you don’t like it, then take your freak books and your freak self and go find another table.”

He grit his teeth. The stupid git. He hadn’t insulted her and he hadn’t even been that mean to her and she had just lashed right back, treating him like dirt for no reason. He felt that anger well up inside of him and he narrowed his eyes at her.

“Filthy mudblood,” He hissed at her.

She reacted as if he’d smacked her across the face. She gasped and her eyes widened in shock. She backed up from him before hitting the stack of books behind her. She was slowly shaking her head and gradually, her shock starting fading and her face paled with anger and she glared at him.

“You filthy freak! How dare you?” she cried, her voice carrying clearly across the library. Severus heard the rustle of lavender robes swishing across the carpet and moments later, the stern figure of Madam Pince arrived. She crossed her arms and stared down her nose at Severus and then across to the girl.

“Miss Gibbons! May I remind you that we are in a library? Lower your voice at once!”

Gibbons—Tara Gibbons Severus had just remembered—pointed a shaking finger at him.

“He—he just called me a filthy—a filthy—” she said, her voice shaking from anger and humiliation.

Severus rolled his eyes. The git couldn’t even say what she really was. Pathetic. That was probably a part of their genetic make up too. Deciding to ignore the situation, he turned back to the table and opened the book again, his thoughts going back to dragon blood and dragon hide.

Madam Pince frowned. “He called you a what, dear? Speak up at once!”

“He called me a—a—mudblood.” She said the last word in a whisper as if the word itself would  burn her to pieces.

Madam Pince sucked in a sharp breath and immediately, stared down at Severus, her eyes hard.

“Severus?”

Sighing, Severus looked up from his book and met her gaze. “Yes, Madam Pince?” he said, trying to keep his voice respectful. The librarian had always been nice and very lenient with him, mostly because she enjoyed having a student who loved books as much as she did.

But she didn’t look very nice or lenient right now. Her gaze was stone hard and she was staring down at him with an unreadable expression on her face.

“Did you call Miss Gibbon a mudblood?”

Severus frowned. “Of course I did. She might be stupid and a mudblood, but she’s not a liar.”

The girl behind him was seething but Madam Pince silenced her with a stern look and then nodded down at Severus.

“Severus, I want you to go straight to Professor Bodin. Inform him of these events and tell him I want him to deal with it any way he sees fit.”

Severus frowned. He was hardly ever sent to Professor Bodin. The Professor would always just sigh sadly over what Severus had done and then let him go. For very serious matters he was sent straight to the headmaster. Well, he supposed this couldn’t be that serious anyway. He didn’t understand why he was getting into trouble at all for this. He was simply calling an apple an apple. There was nothing wrong with that.

Shrugging and nodding at Madam Pince, he stood up and used his wand to send the books flying back into the restricted section. Then he put his wand in his pocket and left the library, feeling slightly irritated that he didn’t get to finish that last poison antidote.

He quietly mulled over the benefits and drawbacks of dragon blood and dragon skin on his way down to the dungeons and Professor Bodin’s office.

He stopped before the closed door, frowning as always at the cheerfully bright candles which lined the hallway to the Professor’s office. There was a large, twinkling green sign on the door declaring that everyone was ‘welcome’ and a shower of cheerful green sparks rained down on whoever knocked on the door. Severus scowled. Everything about the door and the office had always struck him as being wrong. The Professor wasn’t the head of Hufflepuff or Gryffindor but he was the head of Slytherin House. With that came a certain code of behavior, and having a bright ‘welcome’ sign on the door definitely wasn’t adhering to that code.

He heard a familiar cheerful voice telling him to come in and he pushed the door open and immediately blinked.

A large, rainbow colored lamp sat in one corner, sending streams of colorful light all over the office which always gave Severus a thudding headache. The shelves running around the office were filled with pictures of smiling, waving people and little stuffed animals and chocolate frog trading cards. The few books which were up there all had such nauseating titles such as ‘Having fun with Potions’ or ‘Turning Frowns Upside Down—The Complete Guide to Cheering Potions’. Severus sighed inwardly. Typical.

The Professor gave him that large grin and stepped around the mound of papers which cluttered his desk. “Ah! Severus! Good to see you! Tell me, how are you?” The Professor leaned against the front of his desk and crossed his legs, gesturing grandly for Severus to take a seat.

Severus gingerly sat down in the pink cushioned chair which he had always found too soft and a bit scary.

“I’m fine, Professor.” He mumbled, having remembered his manners.

The Professor grinned and nodded as if this piece of information had made his day. “Well, well, well, that’s simply fantastically fantastic, if you know what I mean.”

Severus frowned slightly, never knowing whether the Professor expected him to respond to comments like these. After the Professor continued to stare down at him, widely grinning, Severus started to feel that tendril of unease creep up his spine. He dropped the Professor’s gaze and focused on the colorful carpet on the floor of the dungeon floor.

“So, what can I do for you?”

Severus frowned. Colorful carpets simply didn’t belong on dungeon floors. It was just wrong.

“Uhm, Madam Pince sent me to see you, sir. There was a bit of a situation in the library.”

“Aha, aha. A situation. I see. That’s—I see.” The Professor was nodding to himself as if he had suspected this all along. “So, what kind of a fabulous situation?”

“Uhm, there was a Ravenclaw girl behind me—Tara Gibbons—and she was being irritating so I called her a mudblood. It wasn’t a big deal, sir. I don’t understand why Madam Pince even sent me to see you, sir.”

He glanced up and was surprised to see the Professor frowning. He had crossed his arms and was tapping one of his fingers against his lips.

“I see. You called her a—I see. That certainly is—I see. Aha. I see.” He was nodding and frowning as his eyes roamed around his office, probably trying to decide what on earth to say.

Severus frowned. He still didn’t understand what the big deal here was. The Professor looked quite upset and was now shifted around on his desk, humming and hawning and muttering little snatches of ‘You—I see’ and ‘Aha, I see’.

Finally, the Professor dropped his arms and stared at him, his eyes filled with sadness and confusion.

“But, Severus, you’re one of my best students, I just don’t understand why you would say something like that.” He sounded so confused that Severus shifted around uncomfortably. There was obviously something he was missing here, but he couldn’t for the life of him understand what it was.

“Uhm. I was just irritated, sir. And besides, it’s not such a big deal.” He tried to smile reassuringly at the Professor, who looked close to tears.

“Oh, but you’re such an excellent student, Severus. I just don’t understand.” He said, sniffing back tears.

Severus twisted his hands in his lap. This wasn’t the first time Professor Bodin had stuttered around and burst into tears because he didn’t understand why Severus had done what he had done. Severus sighed softly. He never saw the point of coming to see his head of house. All it ever accomplished was make Severus nervous and confused and make Bodin terribly upset.

He glanced up and pulled out his wand. Muttering at it, he grabbed the handkerchief which sprang out of it and offered it to the sobbing man looking as if he was on the verge of despair.

“Oh, thank you, Severus. You see? You are a very nice person. And an excellent student. I just don’t understand.” He took a deep breath, which brought on another wave of tears.

Severus bit his lip. He hated leaving the Professor here—since the man was very nice and let him and Gorgon help him on extra projects all the time—but he hated being around people who cried. He didn’t have a clue how to handle these situations. His elf did, but he didn’t.

“Uhm, Professor? I think I’ll just go up to the headmaster now.”

Bodin nodded tearfully. “Yes, yes. That’s a good idea. That’s good.” He sniffed and waved in the general direction of his door. “Yes, that’s a good idea. Uhm, I’ll see you in class, Severus.”

Severus nodded and attempted a shaky smile which he quickly abandoned. Pushing himself out of the pink chair, he hurried towards the door, tore it open and stumbled into the dark dungeons, always feeling a wave of relief wash over him when he stepped out of that nauseating brightness clogged with colors and Professor Bodin’s tears, which he knew were always his fault, even though he never understood what he had done to cause them.

Shaking his head and sighing in frustration, he hurried up the stone stairwell and made his way to the headmaster’s office.

 

*             *             *

 

Severus bit his lip and lowered his gaze to stare at the carpet on the headmaster’s floor, feeling those steady blue eyes gazing at him.

“I’m terribly sorry about upsetting Professor Bodin again, sir. I really didn’t mean to.” He said quietly.

The headmaster nodded. “That’s alright, my dear. It isn’t your fault. Raymond is a very sensitive man.” Then he cleared his throat and his expression turned very serious.

Severus carefully kept his face hidden behind his hair and continued staring at the floor. That feeling of having done something terribly wrong and not even knowing it was really starting to seep through him now. Apparently, Rudy had told on him and informed the headmaster of what had happened and the headmaster had given Severus a stern look as soon as he had stepped through the door.

He heard the headmaster sigh softly. “Severus, there’s no need to hide. You aren’t in trouble and the situation isn’t very serious. However, it can turn into something very serious if we don’t straighten this out now.”

Slowly, Severus looked up and shoved strands of his hair behind his ears.

The headmaster was looking at him quite seriously. “Now, I know you don’t exactly understand why using the word ‘mudblood’ is wrong and I know people in your life have always used it and you have never thought anything of it. However, in this school, that word is unacceptable.”

Severus frowned. “May I ask why sir?”

“Certainly. It’s unacceptable simply because it’s a humiliating, derogatory and utterly false word. People who have muggle blood within them aren’t filthier than purebloods. Their blood might be different, but it’s no less clean. Yes, it’s not pure wizarding blood, hence why we call such people ‘half-bloods’ or ‘muggle-borns’ but their blood isn’t any less clean than yours or mine.”

Severus frowned and laughed slightly, thinking this was a joke. “But, sir, they’re tainted with muggle blood. Muggle blood is always dirtier than ours. Calling them mudbloods simply acknowledges that fact. It’s not meant to be mean. It’s simply true.”

The headmaster gave him another stern look and then sighed softly. “Alright, it seems we won’t see eye to eye on this right away. So, instead of arguing about this until tomorrow morning I’d like you to write me two papers about it. One arguing that calling someone a mudblood is justified and the other arguing that calling someone a mudblood is wrong, humiliating and derogatory. Then we’ll sit down and discuss this again.”

Severus nodded, having expected this. “When would you like the papers, sir?”

“The end of the week should be fine, dear.”

Severus nodded and then sighed softly but then gave the headmaster a slight smile. “Thank you for not yelling at me like Madam Pince did, sir.”

The headmaster chuckled softly. “It’s my job to educate you, dear, not to yell at you. I have never believed that the two are beneficial for each other.”

Nodding, Severus stood up and slowly walked towards the door, bidding the headmaster good night over his shoulder.

 

**Mar.17th, 1974**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus thoughtfully chewed on the end of his quill, staring at the first two paragraphs of his anti-mudblood essay. As always, the other essay had been easy to write and had been done in a few hours, but this one was crawling along.

He scowled at the piles of books which littered his desk and sighed. “There’s hardly anything in these books.” He grumbled.

A sigh echoed around in his head. He glared up at the phoenix who was busy preening on the edge of his bookshelf. “ _Are you sure you went through that historical book on magical prejudices thoroughly enough_?”

“Yeah. I went through the damn thing five times. All it mentioned was prejudices against elves, giants and half humans like vampires and werewolves. Nothing about mudbloods.”

“Hey!” Came an indigant cry from his bed behind him.Severus rolled his eyes. “Sorry, half-blood. I meant to say half-blood. And if you want me to include your kind in it, then I meant to say muggle-borns too.”

“Aha. Sure.”

Severus scowled. “Well it’s not my fault I’ve never used the word before in my life, Evans. It’ll take some getting used to.”

Evans muttered something rude and leafed through her charms textbook. Gorgon was sitting beside her with a piece of parchment on his lap, writing down any useful bits of information Evans thought would be applicable to her essay.

“Miss Lily shouldn’t swear.” Gorgon said, shaking a finger at her before catching the page she was about to turn and casually pointing out the last sentence in one of the paragraphs. Evans frowned and re-read the sentence before grinning and dictating it to the old elf, who dutifully wrote it down and then commended Evans on her keen eyesight.

Severus continued leafing through the books, his eyesight starting to blur slightly as he re-read paragraphs he had already spent two days on.

Finally, he slammed the books shut. “Alright, these are a waste of time.”

Fawkes tilted his head thoughtfully. “ _You know, there might be some books in the restricted section you could use. Why don’t you just sneak some down_?”

Severus shook his head. “Madam Pince has been keeping a bloody hawk’s eye on me since I insulted Gibbons. I’ll never sneak them past her. And don’t even think about telling me to read through them in the library. It’s full of gits working on that huge paper Binns assigned his sixth years.”

Evans snorted. “And Merlin forbid you spend any time around normal people.”

Severus scowled, not bothering to turn around and glare at her. “It’s not my fault I don’t like people, Evans.”

“Aha, and what does that make me, exactly?”

Severus smoothered a small smile. “You don’t want to know.” He muttered, keeping his eye glued to his essay as he started writing another sentence.

“Hey!” Evans cried out before flinging one of his pillows at the back of his head. Gorgon rolled his eyes at both of them and stopped the pillow midflight with a wave of his hand and then glared at it until it drifted back to its former position.

“Hey, Gorgon! I had such perfect aim on that one!”

Gorgon sighed apologetically. “Gorgy sorry for ruining perfect throw, but we must finish essay. Miss Evans and young master must still review for tomorrow’s herbology test.”

Sighing, Evans threw Severus a dirty look—who chuckled into his essay—and then went back to her charms textbook.

They worked in silence for a bit until Severus finally ran out of ideas and dropped his quill. He glanced up at Fawkes.

“Bird, I’m completely out of ideas but I can’t hand this thing in like this.”

Fawkes nodded thoughtfully before tilting his head at him. “ _Well, don’t you usually include Professors opinions as well_?”

Severus nodded. “Yeah. I went and asked Professor McGonagall and Professor Krupnit. I wrote down what they said in the first two paragraphs.”

“And what about the elves in the kitchen?”

“I’m going to go ask them tomorrow. But even if I ask most of them, that won’t be enough for the entire essay.” Severus bit his lip and frowned at the piles of books on his desk before glancing up at the phoenix.

“Hey! What about you, bird?”

“ _Me_?”

“Yes, you. Why do you think calling people with muggle blood mudbloods is so horrible?”

The golden red feathered bird thoughtfully frowned around himself, his dark eyes going distant as he thought it over.

Evans smirked as she stared at the phoenix over the top of her book. “Severus, I think the question might just kill him. Look how much thought he’s putting into it. He looks like he’ll pass out any minute.”

Gorgon burst out laughing and Severus snorted. Both of them quickly turned their laughter into fake coughing when the phoenix indigantly shook its feathers out and small flames flew from the tips of the red feathers.

Finally, Fawkes nodded to himself, as if satisfied with the answer he had prepared in his head.

“ _Well, I think that all people were made equally, whether their skin is dark or white or whether they have a bit of magical ability or not_.”

Severus stared at him doubtfully. “But magical blood is much stronger than muggle blood, bird.”

“ _Not necessarily. Just think of squibs. They’re living proof that magical blood isn’t strong enough to last through continuous generations without skipping a few. And muggle born wizards prove the exact opposite. That muggle blood is capable of being transformed into wizarding blood_ —”

Lily glanced up from her essay and demanded to know what Fawkes was saying. Severus sighed slightly because of her interuption, but then quietly told her what the phoenix had said. When he reached the part about muggle borns, Evans pumped her fist into the air and gave out a small cheer before going back to her essay.

“ _Blood is blood, Severus. There isn’t a difference_.”

Severus mulled this over before slowly nodding. “It sounds like rubbish, but if it’s rubbish then you really can’t explain why squibs and muggle born wizards exist.”

“ _Very true_.” Fawkes said, sounding very pleased with himself.

Severus frowned in concentration as he carefully wrote down what the phoenix had said. Then he swivelled around in his chair and put his feet onto his bed and nudged Evans with his foot.

“Alright, your turn.”

Evans glanced up from the book and raised an eyebrow. “Huh?”

Severus rolled his eyes. “Well, you’re a muggle-born, aren’t you? Why do you always get so pissed at me when I call you a mudblood?”

Evans stared at him thoughtfully before dropping the textbook on her lap and frowning slightly.

“I guess it’s just because it makes me feel filthy. I know my parents are muggles and it’s some freak accident of genetics that I was born with wizarding blood, but I don’t think that makes my blood any dirtier than yours. Weaker yes, but not dirtier.” Seeing Severus thoughtfully staring at her, she sighed and leaned forward, shoving a strand of red hair behind her ear. “Just think of Tara Gibbons. She’s a half-blood, right? And she’s the top of fourth year, right? And that short Ravenclaw, Lissandra Kaybourne. She’s second in our class next to you. And she’s a pure-blood—”

Evans’ voice drifted off and she frowned when she saw Severus slightly blushing and suddenly busying himself with his quill.

Severus saw Evans staring at him with a curious frown and mentally berated himself. Why, oh why did he have to blush? Damn it! Now Evans would guess what was making him blush and he’d never hear the end of it. Damn it!

For weeks now, he’d been in pure hell in Astronomy, History and Arithmancy since all of these classes were a Ravenclaw and Slytherin split. This meant that in all of those classes, he had to sit near a certain Lissandra Kaybourne.

He would never understand what made him notice her all of a sudden. He’d been having classes with her and dozens of other Ravenclaws for years. She had always been another one of the annoying prats he had to sit in class with and avoid like a plague until those blessed months of summer vacation came. Yes, she was pretty and intelligent and quieter than some of the other prats he had to share the classroom with—a certain redhead popped into his mind—but other than that, there was nothing special about her. It wasn’t as if she had gone out of her way to be nice to him. Well, to give her credit, she had never been mean to him either.

She had always been a quiet, studious presence at the front of class with whom Severus had always shared top marks for all their classes. Maybe, maybe it had been that simple issue of perfect timing from a few weeks back. Nothing earth-shattering had happened. Severus had been hurrying across the lawn to get back to the castle from the greenhouse and had gone around the back to a hidden backdoor. Not many people knew about it but it lead directly to a stairway from which the History classroom was just around the corner. Severus had been using the door for years during the times he was close to being late and had to rush to history from being outside for Magical Creatures or Herbology. As he was rounding the corner, he nearly collided with a short brunette with glasses. He scowled and steadied himself against the wall of the castle. The brunette gasped out an apology and pushed her glasses back up her nose and pulled her bag on straight and was about to run off towards the front doors of the castle, when Severus got a good look at her and realized it was Lissandra Kaybourne. For some reason, he found himself staring at her, unable to move. A funny feeling crept through him and he had to take a deep breath to get rid of it. What the hell was wrong with him?

“Uhm, aren’t you going to History?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Why the hell was he whispering?

She shot him a frown and nodded. “Well, of course I am, and you are too and if we don’t want to be late then we better get going.” She said, rolling her eyes slightly at his stupid question.

Severus was mentally kicking himself. What a stupid question! Is she going to history? No, she’s off to drown herself in the lake. Moron!

He cleared his throat and tried to suppress that strange tingling sensation in his stomach.

“Uhm, well, it’s faster to go through this door and up the stairs.” He mumbled.

She frowned slightly and glanced at the door, then at him and then narrowed her eyes. “If you’re trying to trick me into going into those filthy Slytherin dungeons of yours then I’ll hex you into next year.”

He blinked, confused. Why the hell would he want to bring her to the Slytherin dungeons? They had to go to history and besides, the dungeons weren’t her common room. Well, technically, he didn’t consider them his either.

Turning away from her, he pushed open the door and walked up to the classroom, Lissandra hurrying behind him.

When they reached the classroom, she blinked in surprise and then shot him a tiny smile before going into class. A shudder ran through him when she smiled at him. He simply stared back at her, confused. Why the hell was she having such a strange effect on him?

He had pushed the incident out of his mind until he realized that he couldn’t get rid of these stupid feelings. Every time he saw her, he’d get that tingling sensation in his stomach and felt himself blushing. He started avoiding her and nearly made himself late for class a dozen times trying to ensure that he got there and slid into his seat in the back row when she was already sitting at her desk in the front. The only time he ever saw her was when they were both hurrying to history and sometimes met up by that backdoor.

They’d never speak or even look at each other as they ran up the stairs and went around the corner but when she’d brush past him to sit down, she’d shot him that tiny smile and suddenly, Severus had this irrepressible urge to smile back—an instinct he always viciously squashed.

He sighed. Why he had these sudden feelings for her, he’d never know, but he couldn’t get rid of them. His only saving grace had been that Gorgon had been the only one to know so he could suffer in silence and hope to get past this stupid infatuation. But now, Evans would figure it out and all hell would break lose.

She was studying him with a thoughtful frown and was chewing on her lip. She exchanged a look with his elf, who was trying to busy himself with the textbook on his lap. Her gaze got more suspicious and she turned and dug into him with those piercing green eyes.

“Sev, do you have a crush on Lisa Kaybourne?”

He felt himself blushing again and madly fought against it. That stupid smile was threatening to tug on his lips again and he clenched his jaw so hard he thought he’d break his teeth off.

“No.” he managed to choke out.

She narrowed her eyes. “Well, if that’s the case then why have you been madly blushing every time you see her or even hear her name, huh?”

He tried to laugh it off, but the laugh came out choked and squeaky. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, yes, you do! I’ve been watching you at meals and for the past few weeks, everytime she walks by the Slytherin tables or you have to walk by the Ravenclaw tables, you blush like crazy. I couldn’t figure out who or what was making you blush, but I think I’ve nailed it, haven’t I?” She started to get excited and a huge grin crept over her face. “You have a crush on Lisa,” She stated, nodding to herself as if this was something she had personally orchestrated.

Severus was staring at the carpet on his floor, hoping the earth would swallow him up. “Don’t be ridiculous, Evans. Of course I don’t,” he scoffed, his voice coming out squeaky and in a murmur.

Her grin widened and she squealed and clapped her hands, grabbing Gorgon.

“It’s true, isn’t it, Gorgon? Come on, tell me! I know you know!”

Gorgon stared at her with wide eyes.

“Don’t you dare say a word, elf!” Severus hissed at him in Elfish.

Gorgon stared helplessly at the grinning girl shaking him. “Uhm, well, uhm, the thing is, uhm, Gorgy, uhm, Gorgy, uhm.”

“Oh, it’s really true! Sev has a crush on Lisa!” Evans sang, having completely forgotten about her homework.

Severus sighed and clenched his jaw. Slowly, he tore his eyes off the floor.

“Alright, Evans, I’ll admit it. If you want to call it a crush, fine, we’ll call it a crush. But you have to swear on your mother’s life that you won’t tell a soul.”

“But, Sev! I could tell her some wonderful things about you!”

“No. Not a soul, you understand, Evans?”

“But, Sev! I can help!”

“Help with what? Humiliate me?”

“No, I can help you talk to her.”

“Evans, I don’t want to talk to her. I just want to suffer in silence until these feelings have gone away.”

“Hogwash. You do want to talk to her, you just don’t have the guts. But I can help, Sev! I do it all the time!”

“No, Evans, please, I’m begging you. If I want your ‘help’ then I’ll ask but until then, promise me you won’t say a thing, alright?”

She sighed and glanced at Gorgon, who shrugged. “Alright, fine, Sev. Have it your way. My lips are sealed.”

Sighing one more time, she sat back against the wall. Severus waited to see if she’d start in on the issue again, but when she picked up her quill, he went back to his essay and started worrying about mudbloods and muggle-borns and half-bloods again.

Suddenly, the essay seemed much easier to him and he felt a small sense of relief at being able to get back to it. He’d do anything if it meant not discussing Lissandra Kaybourne.

Evans glanced up at him as she continued writing. “So, getting back to what I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by somebody’s blushing, I have another example, one which I hope won’t make you blush. You know that little mousy kid that always tags along with those two arrogant toads? Peter something or other? He’s the dumbest kid in our class but he’s a pure-blood as much as you are. You see? Just like Fawkes said. Blood is blood. It doesn’t make you any smarter, prettier or better if yours is pure wizarding blood or a little mixed.”

“But having pure wizarding blood makes your magical abilities a bit stronger.”

Gorgon frowned from his parchment. “Not necessarily, young master. Not necessarily. Magical abilities are equal within all wizards, whether they half-bloods, pure-bloods or muggle-borns. But in order to use ability to full potential wizard or witch needs good enough control over magic. That’s why some wizards are pathetic and some are great. It nothing to do with blood. Just how well they can use their magic.”

Evans was nodding. “Yeah. Blood is just blood, Sev. Nothing more.”

Severus frowned thoughtfully between the two of them while he mulled this over. Finally, he nodded slowly and swung his chair back around to finish his essay.

Behind him, Evans picked up her charms book again and went back to working on her essay while Gorgon carefully helped her and Fawkes continued preening on the bookshelf, fussing over the tiny leaves which always got stuck between his feathers from their escapades in the forest.

 

**July 24th, 1974**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Fawkes gently flew through the air and landed in his cage, carefully peeking through his door and watching his young friend setting up the chess pieces.

Severus was being lazy and was using his wand to direct the pieces onto the board. While he was setting up the black pawns, he suddenly narrowed his eyes and lowered his wand, having grown bored of the easy directing charm. Staring at the pawn in his lap, he grit his teeth and pointed his finger at it. Immediately, the pawn shot off his lap with a surprised cry and hit the portrait of old headmaster Figgins.

“What in Merlin’s name? What is the meaning of this? You insolent little toad! How dare you? Pick up that piece at once and quit fooling around.”

Severus ducked his head and mumbled an apology while he used his wand to bring the black pawn back to his lap—which was still shaking its head and was obviously disoriented.

A stern headmistress glared across the room at Figgins from her own portrait. “Really Figgins! The boy was just practicing his magic a bit. No harm in that. Accidents happen all the time you know that, or have you forgotten what it’s like to teach children magic?”

The headmaster glared back at her and then promptly walked out of his portrait. The headmistress sighed. “Don’t mind him, dear. He’s just grumpy.”

Severus nodded and gave her a shy smile, still not used to having people defending him.

“Thank you, ma’am.”

“Oh, you’re very welcome, dear. You see? I don’t see why Figgins was being such a goat. You’re one of the most polite students we have in the school these days.”

Fawkes snorted in his head. “ _She’s obviously never heard you and Miss Evans when you’re inventing lewd jokes while studying for exams. If she did, she’d changer her mind about that quickly_.”

Severus gave the bird a dirty look. “I do have manners, bird and you know it. Gorgon was always strict about politeness and having good manners.”

Then he turned his attention back to the pieces in his lap, ignoring the weary sighs of the chess pieces. Focusing his magic just like Gorgon had taught him, he gently released a stream of magic through his fingertip, using it just like a wand. Directing the stream towards the black pawn, he watched as it trembled. Realizing he was using too much magic, he weaked the stream a bit and then tried again. The piece slowly rose into the air and hung before his finger. Severus gently moved his finger a bit and watched as the piece moved to the board. Smiling, Severus set the piece down and then lowered his finger. Immediately, the piece fell over with a loud thunk. The other chess pieces chuckled heartily and the headmistress in her portrait laughed and Fawkes snorted in his head.

Severus glared at all of them. “What the hell are you all laughing at?” he snarled, embarrassed.

The headmistress turned her laugh into a cough. “I apologize, Severus. It was a very good attempt, especially for someone your age. It was very well done, but the ending needs a bit more work.”

The other black pawns had gone over and helped their team mate to his feet. Fawkes was quietly watching them and glared when one of the white bishops snorted with laughter again. Feeling the powerful bird’s gaze on him, the bishop immediately pretended to cough, leaning on the knight’s horse beside him for support.

When Fawkes had made sure nobody else would laugh at his young friend, he went back to watching him using his wand to arrange the pieces—obviously too embarrassed to try the process without a wand again while so many people were staring at him. Fawkes sighed quietly. Severus still refused to do anything but ordinary, simple spells in front of a watching crowd. All of his teachers constantly encouraged him to try the harder spells in front of his classmates so they could see how easy they were, but Severus would either shake his head quietly and stare at his desk until they sighed and left him alone, or he’d purposefully make a mistake and bear the ensuing laughter in quiet humiliation. He’d had a huge argument with Gorgon about it, saying that he would rather have them laughing at him than have them stare down their noses at him and hiss the word ‘freak’ under their breath because he could so something none of them could. Both reactions were humiliating but being laughed at because he was a failure was a more familiar burden than being laughed at because he was a freak.

“ _Severus, if I might ask a question_?” Fawkes spoke up.

“Uh huh?” he mumbled, not looking up from the chess pieces he was organizing.

“ _Why this sudden interest in doing wandless magic? Many adult wizards can’t do it and they see no point in learning how to do it. It’s quite advanced magic and requires tremendous amounts of control. Besides, it’s much easier doing magic with a wand_.”

Severus snorted. “Yeah, it’s easier, but where’s the challenge in that? I’m bored stiff of summoning things and moving things with my wand. It takes so much extra time and it looks childish. I know I won’t be able to do any difficult spells without my wand for a few more years, but Gorgon said there’s no reason why I can’t learn to do a few simple spells without a wand. Besides, you have no right to complain about it. You never use a wand for your magic, and Gorgon and the headmaster hardly ever do. I want to be able to do it too and Gorgon says there’s no reason why I can’t start now.”

Fawkes sighed softly, knowing that if Severus found even the slightest bit of magical challenge anywhere, he’d refuse to listen to anybody and would nearly kill himself trying to master it.

“ _Alright, fine. Just be careful and for Merlin’s sake, always use a wand in class_.”

Severus nodded. “Don’t worry, bird, I intend to. The last thing I need is having all the gits staring at me because I moved something without using my wand.”

Just then, the door of the office opened and the headmaster strode in, smiling brightly.

“Ah, good morning, Severus! I’m sorry to have kept you waiting, but there were some urgent matters I had to attend to.” He walked into his adjoining bedroom and took off his travelling cloak and tall hat. After he waved his hand at the hat, it obediently gave him a low bow and then shrank to the size of a thimble and then leapt into a tiny box the headmaster kept on his nightstand which was filled with over a hundred tiny hats.

Striding back into his office, he cleared up some papers on his desk and then hurried over to the chessboard and the two plushy chairs sitting before the fireplace.

“Ah! Everything is set up I see?”

Severus nodded.

The headmaster vigorously rubbed his hands together and surveyed the board before making the opening move.

Severus leaned forward and immediately frowned in concentration, his mind already zipping through hundreds of chess scenarios he could use. The headmaster chuckled mentally when he saw the frown of deep concentration on the nearly thirteen year olds face.

They played in silence for a while while the headmaster had a quick mental conversation with Fawkes about patrol shifts the Order had decided on for that week and the new wards Dr. Eddington was working on. Dr. Tegan Eddington was one of the oldest but most brilliant scientists the ministry had. He worked in the Defensive Dark Arts division of the Department of Magical Research.

Finally, the headmaster leaned back in his chair and contemplated his next move while glancing at Severus.

“So, how was your day so far, dear?”

Severus shrugged, eyes glued to the board. “Nothing special. Gorgon and I helped Professor Krupnit file away old exams downstairs in storage and then we scrubbed the dungeon floors for Professor Bodin. I think we still have to help clean the telescopes in the astronomy towers, but asides from that, we’re done.”

The headmaster nodded. “And how is Gorgon? I haven’t seen the old man for quite a while.”

“He’s downstairs with Madam Pomfrey. He’s so happy now, headmaster, you should see him. He loves working in the infirmary. He says he loves helping people and making them feel better. Oh, and he promised to drop by for some gossiping later on this week. He says he has some delicious news about the Durmstrang house-elves. How he knows it is beyond me, but he always manages to dig his nose into places it doesn’t belong.”

The headmaster laughed. “That’s our Gorgon.”

Severus smiled ruefully, shaking his head at his old elf who always seemed to forget his age.

While Severus had been talking, the headmaster had quietly conjured up two cups of hot chocolate and sent one gently flying over to Severus, who thanked him and cradled it in his hands.

“I meant to ask, dear, did you go and get your exam results yet?”

Severus shifted in his chair and frowned, slightly irritated that the headmaster was dragging academic issues into their chess game. “No.”

The headmaster sipped his hot chocolate and raised an eyebrow. “Minerva and Raymond both informed me that all the exams had been graded and the results owled away two days ago.”

“Yes, I know, sir. Professor Bodin asked me this morning if I wanted my results.”

“And why did you say no, dear? You’re going to have to look at them sooner or later.”

Severus sighed. “Because, sir.”

The headmaster chuckled. “My dear, that simply isn’t an answer I can accept.”

Another sigh. “Because I don’t want to know yet. I didn’t feel confident about them at all and I don’t think I did as well as I could have.” He mumbled, gesturing at his tower to move.

The headmaster rolled his eyes at the ceiling and exchanged an amused smile with Fawkes.

“My dear, that’s what you said last year and the year before and both times, you did incredibly well even though you thought you did horrible. You have to learn to allow yourself to feel more confident about your intelligence, my dear. You’re at the top of your class and your work habits are exemplary. I doubt very much that you could fail anything, dear, least of all one of your exams.”

Severus made a face and shyly ducked his head down. The headmaster chuckled softly. “Well, if you’re not going to look, then I’ll do it for you.” He turned to his phoenix. “Fawkes, if you don’t mind?”

Before Severus could protest, the phoenix had disapparated in a small burst of flames and moments later, apparated with a bright silver flash, a piece of paper clutched in his beak.

Fawkes gave Severus a confident wink and then perched himself on Dumbledore’s shoulder as the old man unfolded the letter and slowly started reading it.

“Aha, aha, aha, aha, oh, aha, aha, oh.” The headmaster mumbled to himself as he adjusted his glasses and frowned down at the grades neatly written on the paper.

Severus shifted around impatiently, worried sick. “What does ‘aha’ mean, sir?” he breathed, deathly afraid that he had gotten seventy percent on something or even worse, that he had failed something. He clenched his jaw and started berating himself. He knew he should have spent more time studying for Arithmancy and History.

The headmaster and Fawkes exchanged a serious look, both of them forcing the twinkle out of their eyes. After discussing something telepathically, the headmaster sighed and looked at Severus, pretending to look very serious. Severus was staring at him with wide eyes as if the headmaster was about to tell him that the world would end in three minutes.

“Well, if you really want to know—”

“Did I fail something, sir?” he asked in a barely audible voice.

The headmaster shook his head. “No, not exactly, dear.”

Fawkes nearly exploded with laughter and turned his back to his young friend, carefully pretending to be preening himself.

“Not—not exactly, sir? What does that mean?”

“Well—”

“It’s Arithmancy or Magical Creatures or History, isn’t it? Oh, I knew Gorgon and I should have spent more time reviewing first term material! Or, maybe it was those stupid Goblin names! I knew ‘Aronothorn’ didn’t have a ‘u’ in it! Oh, I’m so stupid!” he muttered, staring at the floor with a horrified look on his face.

The headmaster frowned and exchanged a glance with Fawkes, who was also looking worried. They had meant their little prank as a joke, but Severus was obviously taking it too seriously. Well, he had always been an exceptionally serious child and wasn’t about to change as he got older.

The headmaster chuckled and leaned forward, interupting the quiet murmurings whether he would have to repeat third year or if he was about to be expelled for stupidity.

“Severus, please, listen to me. You didn’t fail anything, not even close.”

Severus stared at him. “But, sir, you said—”

“I know, and I apologize, dear. Fawkes and I meant it as a joke but—”

Severus stared at him, completely horrified. “But academics aren’t a joke, headmaster.”

Dumbledore swallowed an amused laugh at such a typical response. “Yes, I realize that. Once again, I apologize. We meant it in simple jest.”

Severus nodded and slowly sank back in his chair. “So I won’t be expelled for stupidity?”

The headmaster stared at him before bursting into laughter. “Expelled, dear? You can’t be serious! Of course not!”

“And I won’t have to repeat third year?”

The headmaster kept laughing, struggling to get a hold of himself. He didn’t care what people said but Severus was one of the funniest individuals he had ever met, mostly because Severus didn’t realize it. It was something Lily Evans and him had discussed a few weeks ago when he had bumped into her in the hallway before classes had ended.

“No, you most certainly won’t.” he laughed, taking off his glasses and wiping his eyes.

Fawkes was nearly in tears too, telepathic laughter howling in both the headmaster and Severus’ heads as he struggled to stay perched on the headmaster’s shoulder.

Letting out a relieved sigh, Severus nodded and then allowed himself to relax slightly.

“And I didn’t get a seventy in anything, did I?” he said, his face paling again at the very thought.

The headmaster chuckled in amusement, forcing himself back under control. “Severus, getting seventy percent in something isn’t the end of the world.”

Severus stared at him as if he had just said the sun rose at night. “Yes, it is, sir.”

“Miss Evans is always exceptionally pleased to land in the seventies.”

Severus rolled her eyes. “Evans isn’t me, and yes, for Evans, getting something in the seventies is a cause for celebration, although I dearly hope she did a bit better this time around. We spent weeks studying together and I’d hate to have wasted all that time with that Gryffindor git.” He muttered.

The headmaster chuckled, knowing that Severus had never considered Lily stupid, just lazy and he had always been horrified that his friend never used her potential to its fullest but was more content drifting through life doing the bare minimum.

Dumbledore put his glasses back on and went back to looking over the paper.

“Well, your worst exam was Divinations. Not a surprise, really. Everybody does horribly in that one.”

Severus was staring at him with wide eyes. “What did I get?” he breathed.

The headmaster lifted a soothing hand. “Relax. You pulled off an incredible 92 percent.”

Severus frowned. As always, he didn’t care about the 92 percent he had gotten right but about the 8 percent he had gotten wrong.

“Did Professor Palani say where I went wrong?”

The headmaster chuckled as he read over the comment the professor had written onto the paper.

“She says your Inner Eye is admirable although being a bit more optimistic would have given you the marks you lost.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “She took off marks because I was too pessimistic?”

“Well, dear, what else can you expect from Divinations? But by all means, don’t kill yourself with a sudden infatuation with optimism for that class, dear. It isn’t worth it. As long as you don’t predict yourself dying every Tuesday, you should be fine. Besides, 92 percent is an incredible mark for Divinations.”

Severus made a small face, making a mental note to tell Gorgon how he could improve.

The headmaster realized his last sentence had been lost on the young teenager, but then turned back to the paper.

“All your other exams were incredibly well done. It seems all your professors wrote their usual commendations on your exemplary work.” Seeing Severus’ impatient shifting, the headmaster smiled and quietly reeled through the results, alternating between 97, 98 and 99 percent all the way through, until he reached potions and DADA, both of which Severus had finished off with 100 percent.

The headmaster frowned slightly at the comment Professor Krupnit had written on the bottom of the page.

“Well, it seems Professor Krupnit thinks your grasp of the material is excellent and you’re well advanced beyond your year level, but he wants to remind you again that the class is called ‘defence against the dark arts’, not ‘best uses of the dark arts’.” The headmaster gave Severus a stern look, who scowled in response.

“Yeah, I know. We had an argument after school one day since I wrote an essay about Boggarts and I talked about different curses one could use against a Boggart, not just that stupid ‘Riddikulus’. Professor Krupnit thought the other curses were a bit too extreme and not merely defensive and wanted me to stick to curses which could be used as self-defense, nothing more.”

The headmaster sighed. They’d had this argument before.

“Severus, you know that dark magic isn’t tolerated at this school.”

“Yes, but only because people are taught to fear it and to think of dark magic as something only used to do evil but that’s not true.”

The headmaster sighed again. “If you want to keep arguing this, fine, we can sit here until tomorrow or if you want to write a paper—”

Severus scowled. “No. Forget about it, headmaster. It isn’t worth a paper. I didn’t mean to start an argument. I’m just irritated with my Divinations mark, that’s all.”

The headmaster forced a thin smile, knowing that this wasn’t the last time they’d have this discussion and he feared that they would only increase in frequency now that Severus was getting older. But he decided not to spoil a pleasant afternoon.

So he sent the letter flying onto the small stand beside Severus’ chair and then bent over the chess board, both of them forgetting about dark magic and exam results as they resumed their game.

After a few minutes of silence, the headmaster glanced up.

“So, how was the course load this year? Not too much?”

Severus glanced up from the board for a moment. “Not at all, sir.”

“And the electives? Do you still want the same ones next year?”

“Yes, sir. Divination is a drag sometimes, but it’s easy—well, if you’re being optimistic enough—and Ancient Runes and Arithmancy are incredibly interesting. I can’t wait to get next years textbooks.”

The headmaster chuckled. “Alright. If it’s not too much, then by all means, keep taking whatever you want. Most people would have broken into pieces taking eleven courses, but if you liked it, then I won’t stop you.”

Severus rolled his eyes. “Those people just don’t have well developed study habits. That’s what Gorgon always says to Evans. She had to work her ears off this whole year and she’s just taking Divinations as her elective and she doesn’t put an ounce of work into that either. She just makes up a bunch of predictions about how she’s going to get her hair cut on Wednesday and fall down stairs on Thursday and have an argument with Hedridge on Saturday about something ridiculous like a magazine which Hedridge borrowed but never returned. It’s ridiculous. I don’t see how she passed this year.”

“So she passed everything?”

Severus nodded, carefully nudging his knight out of the headmaster’s savagely leering bishop’s way. “Apparently. She sent me an owl yesterday saying she’d passed everything and she’d tell me her results when school starts. She says she doesn’t want to be sent a Howler while at home.”

The headmaster chuckled while Severus rolled his eyes.

“She’s such a git. She wrote me two pages about what color Hedridge is intending to die her hair and what color I think she should die her hair.” She’d also made half a million little hints and jokes about a certain person by the name of Lisa Kaybourne. Thankfully, Evans hadn’t actually written her name out—he shuddered at the thought of the owl being intercepted by someone—but she’d written the initials L.K. and S.S. all over her letter and circled them with little hearts. Severus had never so badly wanted to kill his best friend. Ever since she had found out about his crush on Lissandra—who was still smiling at him everytime they hurried up those stairs together—she had been mercilessly pestering him about talking to her and about wanting to help him. These thoughts were interupted by the headmaster smiling at him.

“Who? Miss Hedridge or Miss Evans?”

Severus frowned for a moment, confused about the question. Hedridge didn’t even know about Lisa—oh, the headmaster was talking about dying hair. Thank Merlin.

“Evans, of course. She knew that if she’d have asked about Hedridge I’d have told her to shave it all off and that would have been the most improvement she could hope for. Anyway, I wrote back and told her not to touch a strand of her hair. I read something about magical hair dyes and apparently red haired people always have horrific results, no matter what color they try. So then she goes on and on for ages about how Kiana Sollens is spending a few weeks at her house and how they spent hours gossiping about those two Gryffindor fifth years going out.”

The headmaster raised his eyebrows, immediately interested. Between him and Gorgon, the two old men always knew everything in the school and during summer vacation, Severus was their main source of information. Severus knew the headmaster and his elf loved gossip much more than he did so he always dutifully eavesdropped on conversations he deemed as important and picked out bits and pieces from Evans’ letters to tell the two chuckling, eyes twinkling gossipers.

“Who are the two lucky lovebirds?”

Severus frowned, trying to remember. “That Longbottom git who’s in my potions class since he failed third year—”

“Frank Longbottom.”

“Yeah, him. And the girl is Alice Cunningham, you know, the loud one with blond curls and freckles all over the place.”

The headmaster was nodding. “Ah, interesting, interesting. Did Miss Evans say anything else about them?”

“Just that Cunningham came over to Evans’ and they spent hours doing her hair and getting her ready. Apparently they went to some muggle place somewhere to eat and had a hilarious time. Longbottom kept on throwing napkin wads at the waiters when they weren’t looking. Cunningham apparently laughed so hard she nearly choked on her dinner a few times.”

The headmaster chuckled heartily, thrilled with this news. He loved hearing about his children getting along and not fighting and at each others throats. And if some of them managed to do more than just get along, all the better.

Severus sighed and rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe Evans actually finds the time to write all of it down when she pulls faces and complains about having to write a tiny, half a piece of parchment essay on something. And even more amazing, she manages to remember exact words people said and what color the pins in Cunningham’s hair were when she can’t even remember that the Goblin Rebellions included Goblins and that Aquafighters hate water.” He mumbled, shaking his head.

“Really, I can’t understand the girl sometimes.”

The headmaster laughed and made another move, sipping his hot chocolate. “Well, at least you get to know all the gossip in the school as soon as it develops.”

Severus snorted again. “That’s what I get for associating with the most popular girl in school. I know more about the people in our class than I thought possible. It’s amazingly frightening, really and it’s all Evans’ fault.”

They continued playing in silence for a while until the headmaster seemed to remember something. “Oh, my dear, I went down to the kitchen for a visit last night and I heard snatches of a wonderful story flying around. Something about Myrtle’s bathroom and Peeves. Everybody turned surprisingly mute as soon as I stuck my nose into the conversation and Gabby gave me the most blinding smile, but I couldn’t get anything out of them anymore.”

Severus chuckled. “Oh, that. Peeves was being a jerk again. He went into Myrtle’s bathroom and started destroying everything, you know—cracking the mirrors, clogging the toilets and sinks with junk, ripping the taps off the, smearing soap all over the floor and walls. Myrtle was so upset since she thought nobody would want to come and visit her anymore—and no, I didn’t point out that nobody visits her anyway except for a bunch of ghosts, elves and me—but then Peeves threw her out of the bathroom and said she wasn’t allowed to come back. So of course she’s sobbing like there’s no tomorrow and she went and hid in the pipes in the dungeon and it took us three days to find her. Mrs. Norris was the one who heard her sobbing and brought us down there. So then the Baron, Gabby, Gorgon, Rudy, Fawkes, Sir Nick and I all marched up to the bathroom and demanded that Peeves clear out and help Myrtle clean up the bathroom and then leave her in peace, but he just hid in the one of the toilets and started spraying water everywhere and just swore and screeched at us until we left. The Baron was so mad at him—since Peeves normally always listens to him—and the rest of us were mad because Myrtle was so upset. So then Gorgon and I taught all the elves how to conjure up small fires and throw them. I can’t do it without my wand, but the elves learned it pretty quickly after Gorgon taught them and then we all marched up there and threatened to light the whole place up if Peeves didn’t leave. Well, he was being a stubborn, rude git and didn’t move from his toilet so we started throwing fire balls at him—well, not really at him, I mean, Gabby and Rudy both have horrible aims and kept on hitting the walls and the ghosts—who found it hilarious when the fire sailed right through them—but Gorgon and I nailed Peeves a few times and he was so scared that he started screeching and clutching his hat around his ears and then was about to make a run for it when all the ghosts cornered him and the Baron said he wasn’t leaving until he’d cleaned up the entire bathroom. So we all sat there and watched while he cleaned it all up and then disappeared through the wall, screaming at us and swearing he’d tell on us, but we knew that nobody would be upset that we put that bothersome, rude git into his place for once.”

The headmaster was laughing heartily and nodded. “I couldn’t agree more, my dear. Well, that’s splendid. As long as the elves don’t intend to throw fire around the kitchen, everything is fine.”

“Oh, no. We made them promise not to throw the fire balls anywhere. But Mixie and most of the others think they’re wonderful for quickly frying something when warming it up with a charm isn’t fast enough.”

“So I take it Myrtle’s pleased to have her bathroom back?”

“Yeah, she was thrilled. She started bawling again and hugging her toilet as soon as we brought her back upstairs. She hasn’t left it in a week I think. She’s still scared Peeves will come back but Gorgon and the Baron and I go by every few hours to check.”

“Where is Peeves by the way? The castle has been uncharacteristically quiet these past few days.”

Severus snorted. “It should be. That arrogant poltergeist got the fright of his life and went and hid somewhere to sulk and if he stays hidden for the rest of my life, I won’t be complaining.”

The headmaster smiled as he made another move with his queen.

Severus sighed and glanced at him. “Why don’t you just throw Peeves out, sir?”

The headmaster’s look turned very serious. “Dear, I’ve never thrown anybody out of this castle unless they caused serious harm to someone undeserving of it or if they seriously endanger the school in some way. I know Peeves is a nuisance and he’s rude and in the way, but he’s never hurt any living being intentionally. Yes, throwing books and water at people can make them very agitated and upset, but it won’t harm them for life. As long as he restrains himself and remembers to abide by the rules the headmasters and headmistresses set for him more than 260 years ago when he stumbled into the school, he’s allowed to stay.”

Severus was staring at the headmaster with an unreadable expression on his face.

“You never turn a stray away, do you, sir?”

The headmaster chuckled. “I only do if I fear they present a threat to the people in this school or the school itself. But over the years, I’ve taken in many more than I’ve turned away. Hagrid was expelled in his third year but he had nowhere to go—his parents both having died—so I spoke to our old headmaster and convinced him to allow Hagrid to stay and he has never made me regret that choice. Mixie escaped her master who regularily beat her and grew so enraged that he hurled a silencing charm at her which malfunctioned and made her mute for life, and she stumbled across my path in Hogsmeade and I brought her back here. Gabby was a pleasure elf in a brothel in Knockturn Alley and one of Hagrid’s friends took pity on her and helped her escape and gave her to Hagrid, who brought her back here. And Myrtle had nowhere to go after she died so I once again went to our old headmaster and asked that she be allowed to stay here. She wasn’t the happiest child I’d met, but she had a tough time at home and she liked being at Hogwarts better than being at home, so I argued long and hard to let her stay. And when I became headmaster, there was never any question about turning any of them away. And then there are my two newest strays, you and Gorgon.”

Severus blushed shyly and glanced down at the floor. The headmaster smiled kindly.

“You see, dear? I open Hogwarts doors for anybody who needs a home. They might not necessarily be the most respectable person or the most lovable person, but if they’re looking for a home and a family, then I’m always prepared to accept them into mine. And so far, I’ve never regretted it.” The headmaster’s eyes twinkled ruefully. “Although whenever Gabby spills my morning tea while jumping around and squealing about something or Peeves throws a book at me, I do feel a bit of frustration with them, but I never regret letting them stay. They’re a part of my family as much as you and Gorgon have become and being a part of a family means putting up with the good times and the bad times. It’s as simple as that, my dear.”

Severus stared at the headmaster. For the millionth time, he found himself wondering how on earth he had become lucky enough to have met such a wonderful man and to be accepted by him.

The headmaster sipped his hot chocolate and then nodded his chin at board.

“It’s your turn, my dear.”

 

**Dec. 25th, 1974**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Lily slowly allowed a smile to stretch across her face before she opened her eyes. She always wanted to savor these last few moments of delicious anticipation before opening her eyes and allowing christmas to flood through her. She wiggled her feet a bit and felt a pile of presents lying at the foot of her bed. Her smile turned into a grin and she couldn’t wait any longer.

Opening her eyes, she threw her covers off and leapt at the foot of her bed.

Pushing strands of red hair behind her ears, she curiously frowned at the packages, turning them over to read who they were from. She smiled when she saw two large packages and one small one from her parents and sister. Then she spied a pile of small presents from various Gryffindors, mostly from people in her own year, but some from the few older and younger people she knew.

Then she spied a small package wrapped in plain, dark green paper, partially hidden beneath all the others, trying to stay as inconspicuous as possible. Lily grinned and squealed a bit as she pulled it out. There was no label or card on the small gift, but Lily knew there was only one person who would insist on sending something anonymously to the Gryffindor dormitories, even though she was the only fourth year who had decided to stay over christmas break.

Her eyes sparkled and her hands itched to rip all her presents open, but she forced herself to be patient, just like every year.

Leaning down from her bed, she dug around in the mess of clothes, accessories, textbooks, quills, candy wrappers and other junk which lay strewn around her small corner of the dormitories. Finally finding an old bag, she started putting all her presents into it.

While she was packing, there was a small pop beside her and Gabby apparated beside her.

“Merry Christmas, Miss Lily!” the elf squealed, hopping around.

Lily grinned and grabbed the elf in a tight hug. “Merry Christmas, Gabby!” Spying the red stocking in the elf’s hands, she suddenly lost her smile, having remembered something important.

“Oh, bloody hell! Where did I put his present?” she mumbled, getting off her bed and pawing through the mess on the floor, looking for the carefully wrapped present.

Gabby put the stocking onto Lily’s bed and then carefully stepped through the piles of junk on the floor. The small elf gingerly picked up a spare robe and a roll of parchment. Not finding a present under them, she looked around, searching for a  better place to put the two things in her hand. Lily glanced at her and scowled, waving a hand at her.

“Just drop it where you found it, Gabby. Don’t even bother trying to clean up.”

Gabby sighed, knowing it was useless telling her to keep her living space a bit cleaner. “Maybe if Miss Lily keep place a bit cleaner, then could find things easier.”

Lily scowled, digging through another pile. “You sound just like Sev. That’s what he’s always saying too. He says disorganization will ultimately lead to the collapse of the world as we know it.”

Gabby giggled while Lily rolled her eyes. “The git is absolutely morbid and nuts. Anyway, I don’t see what the big problem is. I’m the only one in here who’s decided to stay for the holidays, and during school Kiana always helps me clean up once a month.”

Gabby rolled her eyes, suppressing the urge to tell her that cleaning up once a month wasn’t nearly enough.

Finally, Lily gave a triumphant cry as she found the present and tossed it onto her bed.

“Alright, Gabby. Let’s get these things into the bag and then let’s go. We’ll all miss the feast if we don’t hurry and the git is probably still snoring downstairs.”

The two of them hurriedly packed all of Lily’s gifts into the bag and then Gabby grabbed the stocking carefully while Lily slung the bag over her shoulder and started walking towards the unused fireplace in the corner, next to the one which Mixie had already lit early that morning to warm the large room.

Lily crouched down and reached out to touch the magical bricks at the back of the fireplace. When the wall vanished, she gave Gabby a grin.

“I’ll see you down there.” She said and then carefully shoved her bag ahead of her and then slid down the chute, while Gabby squealed from excitement and disapparated with a pop, always having been terrified of sliding down the long chute.

For a few moments, Lily slid down the long metal chute before she slowed down and got off the slide, grabbing her bag. Turning down the long corridor, she hummed to herself as she slowly walked towards her best friend’s room.

Reaching the room, she quickly used her wand to take down the wards and then quietly opened the door. Walking inside, she grinned when she saw Gabby and Rudy already having apparated and quietly standing beside the two slumbering forms, who weren’t a bit aware of the intruders in their room.

Lily bit her lip to keep from laughing and quietly whispered a spell which brought the wards back up and then shut the door.

Dropping her bag, she exchanged a grin with the two waiting elves and then quietly counted to three on her fingers. When she had lifted her third finger, all three of them took deep breaths and yelled “Merry Christmas!” at the top of their lungs.

Both of the figures on the bed jerked awake with a gasp, their eyes flying open. Gorgon was groping around for his wand and tried to look intimidating, but as soon as his bleary, half asleep vision registered who was standing in the room, he promptly gave them a small smile before falling over, fast asleep again.

Severus had bolted upright, yanked his wand out of his sleeve and pointed it at the intruders, holding his breath and ready to fight for his life. It took him a few moments to calm down enough to notice that none of them had touched him and that he knew all of them.

Immediately, the shocked, terrified expression on his pale face turned sour and he scowled at all of them before falling back onto his pillow.

Gabby and Rudy screeched with laughter and Lily leaned over and started shaking his shoulder.

“Come on, you git! Get up, already! It’s christmas!” she cried, laughing.

Severus muttering something rude back at her which Lily ignored as she yanked the covers off him and threw herself onto his bed.

Her eyes twinkled. If he wouldn’t get up, she’d have to help. Turning her head towards the door, she pretended to call out to someone. “No, I’m sorry, he can’t talk to you right now, Lisa. He’s being grouchy.”

His heart nearly stopped. A tendril of panic flew through him at the thought of Lisa Kaybourne being in his room and seeing him in his nightgown with his hair all over the place. He hadn’t even cleaned up his room since last night! He couldn’t care less if Evans saw the mess—she spent half her time adding to it anyway—but Lisa was another matter! Just when he was ready to throw the covers off himself and hurl himself through the wall to get away—or Avada Kedavra himself, whichever could be done quicker—he suddenly remembering hearing Lily raising the wards behind her. That meant Lisa couldn’t be standing out there and if she were in the room, he would be able to see her. Relaxing again, he merely glared at Evans from between strands of black hair.

She narrowed her eyes. “If you won’t do it willingly, then I’ll have to help.” She threatened. When Severus muttered something rude again and turned over to face the wall, she raised an eyebrow. Pulling out her wand, she quietly hurled a tickling charm at him.

Right away, he started laughing and convulsing, trying to curl up in such a way as to minimize the effects of the spell, but none of it helping.

Gorgon was nearly pushed off the bed when his young master kicked him with a flailing leg and the old elf grinned as he carefully moved out of harms way and watched.

Severus was pleading with Lily to take the spell off him, constantly having to interupt his pleas by spurts of uncontrollable laughter.

Lily raised an eyebrow. “Will you promise not to be grouchy and open presents?”

Severus wildly nodded, laughing too hard to answer.

“Will you promise to come up to the feast afterwards?”

When she received another nod, she exchanged a look with the elves and then took the spell off him.

Right away, Severus stopped laughing and lay sprawled out on his bed, utterly exhausting. Breathing hard, he winced at his sore stomach muscles.

“As soon as I can move, I’ll kill you, Evans, I swear.”

She raised her eyebrows at him and casually lifted her wand again. Severus threw up his hands and moved away from her. “I was kidding, I was kidding!” he cried.

Everyone in the room laughed as Evans reached over and helped pull her friend up into a sitting position against his wall. Then she scrambled up beside him and motioned for the elves to come too. Gorgon squished up beside Evans while Rudy and Gabby flung themselves in front of them, gently handing the stocking to Severus and the bag of presents to Evans.

Evans rubbed her hands gleefully as she opened the bag and dumped everything on the bed.

“Now for the good part.” She said, her eyes glowing from excitement.

She sifted through her presents before she suddenly found her present to Severus.

“Oh! Sev, here you go! This one’s for you.” She tossed it onto his lap.

Severus stared at it with wide eyes and gently touched the wrapping. “You didn’t have to get me anything, Evans.” He mumbled.

She scowled and glanced at him while trying to decide what to open first. “Don’t be ridiculous. Not only did you get me something, but of course I had to get my best friend something, you git.”

Severus quietly stared at the small present and the stocking in his lap. He exchanged a look with his elf, who was smiling at him, knowing what he was thinking. It didn’t matter what was in the present or the stocking. All that mattered was that the headmaster and Evans thought he was an important enough part of their lives that they actually went to all the trouble to buy him something. And that was something he’d never forget.

 

*             *             *

 

Severus quietly muttering a charm at the wooden spoon sitting in the bowl full of cookie batter and let it quietly stir itself.

Evans was sitting on the counter beside the bowl, swinging her legs and her lap filled with christmas cards. Dozens of owls had flown into the Great Hall that morning to drop off christmas cards for her but she hadn’t had any time to read them. When Severus had crawled up the chute and stuck his head into the Gryffindor dormitories and told her to get into the kitchen to help make cookies with the elves, she had right away grabbed the cards and hurried downstairs.

She read through another card before smiling and putting it into the pile of opened cards before looking up and sighing. She glanced at Severus.

“You all make me feel horrible. Why can’t I help?” she demanded.

Severus exchanged an exasperated look with Mixie who was helping a squealing Gabby put little spoonfuls of already prepared cookie dough onto greased platters.

“Because you’re a menace in the kitchen, Evans and you know it.” He muttered, turning around and pointing his finger at the shelves on the far wall where the sacks of sugar were stored. One of the large sacks immediately rose and flew to his finger and Severus gently guided it onto the counter. Gorgon glanced up from where he was drinking butterbeer and sitting at the fireplace with other elves and gave his young master an impressed nod. Severus shyly grinned back before hearing Evans’ scowl.

“I never meant to spill flour all over the floor and I never meant to light the oven on fire.” She grumbled.

Severus bit his lip to hide a smile. “Just like you never meant to mistake the salt for the sugar in Myrtle’s deathday cake last year and how you nearly left a spoon buried in the batter?”

Evans scowled and then tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Fine. If you don’t want my help then all of you can work your tails off without me. I’ll just sit here and read.”

Severus smirked as he carefully pointed at a measuring cup and guided it into the sugar and made it measure out the exact amount. “You do that.”

Evans sighed and ripped open another envelope. Moments later, she sighed.

“Oh, that arrogant toad! He sent me another one!”

Severus frowned at the measuring cup, making it tilt slightly and pour out 10 spare millilitres of sugar before guiding the cup over to the batter. “Who?”

“Potter, that’s who.” She said, sounding completely annoyed and disgusted. Severus didn’t even attempt to hide his smile. He hated Potter and Black with every fiber of his being but he had always been too afraid to retaliate against their humiliating, hurtful pranks for fear of being too ‘harsh’ and getting into trouble, or even worse, of making them hate him even more and raise their bullying to a new level. And standing up to them using words alone amounted to nothing.

Evans had yelled and coaxed and pleaded with him to stand up for himself, but he had no idea how to do it and the idea terrified him. He was so used to being yelled at and insulted that he considered it a natural part of his life and he was too scared to yell back anyway. Besides that, he wouldn’t know what to yell back. So he suffered their humiliating taunts in silence, never telling on them and never retaliating and only letting that growing dark hatred within him grow larger and deeper.

His one solace came from the fact that James Potter was always after fiery girls who played hard to get. And as far as he was concerned, Lily Evans was impossible to get. Not only that, but Severus had to admit that his stubborn, clumsy, cheerful friend was quite attractive and turned quite a number of heads in the school, including James Potter’s. He’d been after her for years, constantly smiling and trying to get her to talk to him, sending her small gifts and cards for every occasion and always begging for her to go out with him. Evans had always despised the arrogant bully. She hadn’t liked him much before she became friends with Severus, but now, that dislike had turned into open hatred and she loved throwing his gifts back into his face and laughing in his face and saying she’d rather eat dirt when he asked her out. She knew it made Severus feel marginally better and it gave her a sense of power over the arrogant toad which she knew was probably good for him. If every one of her insults shot his ego down a bit, that would only serve him better in the long run.

She frowned and quickly skimmed through the card. Severus sent the sack of sugar flying back to the shelf and then glanced at her.

“What did he say this time?”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, the usual junk. I’m the most beautiful thing he ever laid eyes on—”

Severus smirked. “I never realized he spent his whole life looking into a bucket full of toad guts. Next to that, of course anything would look attractive. It’s understandable.”

Evans glared at him and aimed a kick at his side, which he dodged away from and laughed while she glared harder and went back to the card.

“Then he says his life won’t be complete until he has me in it and blah, blah, blah, blah.”

She sighed in irritation and tossed the card onto the pile. “Well, what are we going to do with it?”

“Burn it?” Severus suggested hopefully. “And send the ashes back to him?”

Evans smiled but then thoughtfully narrowed her eyes. “No. We did that with the card he sent me for Valentine’s day last year. We need to do something original with this one.”

Severus frowned, thinking it over. Finally, he got an idea. “Well, what if we turn it into a Howler and send it back to him?”

Evan’s face immediately lit up. “That’s brilliant, Sev! I heard Black and a bunch of other morons are spending the break at the Potters so there will be lots of people around to hear it! Oh, he’ll be so humiliated!” she squealed, rubbing her hands together.

Severus grinned, loving the thought of the great Quidditch Chaser and the most popular guy in their year being humiliated in front of all of his tough, Gryffindor friends.

Evans lightly punched him in the shoulder. “You see? Didn’t I tell you Christmas is great?”

Severus grinned at her. “It’s at times like these that I’ll agree with you, Evans.”

 

*             *             *

 

Shivering, they both lay sprawled out in the snow, their cloaks clutched around them. Both of them were still panting for breath, white clouds drifting from their mouths into the night sky around them. Evans wearily propped herself onto her elbows shoving strands of wet hair off her forehead with her gloves. She narrowed her eyes and looked down to the lake where Gabby, Rudy, Hagrid, Gorgon and two Hufflepuff first years were still in the midst of a snowball fight. Since Evans and Severus were both fourth years, Hagrid thought it was fair to split them up and they had fought fiercely for their own sides. Severus and Gabby had made an enormous snowball and then levitated it and sent it hurling right at Evans, who screamed and tried to run from it, but the snowball hit her and sent her sprawling into the snow and exploded around her, covering her with snow as she lay there, laughing so hard she nearly choked on mouthfuls of snow. She had retaliated by grabbing handfuls of snow and sneaking up behind Severus and rubbing the handfuls into his face while he yelled in protest and tried to grab her. Then she’d made a run for it and he’d run after her before they both collapsed in the snow, utterly exhausted.

Severus was staring up at the stars above them while Evans watched the snowball fight. She laughed and cheered when she saw Rudy hit Gabby with a shower of small snowballs.

When they had caught their breath, Evans glanced at her friend and snorted when she saw the snow crystals still clinging to strands of his hair. He glanced at her and frowned.

“What?”

“You’re covered in snow, git.”

He snorted. “And you think you’re not?” He turned back to watching the night sky and Evans lay back down and stared up as well. They lay in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts before Evans finally sighed.

“Sev, if I tell you something, will you promise not to laugh?”

“Well that depends.”

She scowled and smacked him on the side. “I’m being serious. I’ve thought about this a lot but I didn’t want to tell anybody because I thought they’d laugh.”

Severus pushed himself up and propped himself up onto one elbow and glanced at her. “You know I never laugh unless you utterly deserve it.” He said.

She nodded. “I know. That’s why I wanted to tell you.” She bit her lip, unsure of how to say it. Severus stared at the snowball fighters down by the lake, the sounds of their laughter and yells drifting over to them. He didn’t push her into talking. She’d say it when she was ready.

“I—I want to be an Auror, Sev.”

He stared at her, one eyebrow raised. He hadn’t seen that one coming. She glanced at him fearfully, afraid he’d laugh.

But he didn’t. He simply stared at her and tilted his head. “Why?” he asked, sounding genuinely curious.

She sighed again and chewed on her lip for a while before answering. “Because they’re good people, Sev. They fight for what’s right and for what they believe in and they don’t just sit around and wait for things to go bad, but they fight for it to stay good.”

Severus glanced down at the snow. Although the headmaster forbid the older students from discussing war news with the younger ones, some news did leak out then and again. The news had been getting grimmer and grimmer for years. The new Dark Lord, stronger than Grindelwald himself had been was gaining more power and support, mostly from the old, pure-blood families and the Aurors at the ministry had had their hands full battling his supporters who called themselves Death-Eaters. Severus had to admit he felt some kind of grudging respect for the Aurors. They were a tough, smart bunch and they certainly knew how to handle their magic. He didn’t really understand what everybody’s problem with the Dark Lord was and why Aurors and the rest of the magical world went crazy whenever one of his Death-Eaters was caught, but that wasn’t the point here. The point was that Evans wanted to become one of these tough, smart people.

He glanced at her. She stared back, afraid he’d laugh. But he didn’t. He simply nodded. “Well, if that’s what you want then it’ll take an awful lot of work to get there.”

She nodded. “That’s why people would laugh if I told them. I mean, Aurors need to take NEWT classes in everything important and in order to get into those, they need to get an E or an O in their OWLs, and I mean, I’ve hardly gotten an E in anything, never mind on an exam. It’ll be impossible for me to get an E or O in everything.”

Severus frowned. “You did loads better last year then you did before.”

“I know, but even that wasn’t enough. I’m still on the bottom half of the class and I’ll never manage to get up to the top and the ministry only wants people to be Aurors who were at the top.”

Severus was still frowning. “Evans, why do you have this firmly implanted belief that you’re dumber than the snow we’re lying on? You’re not stupid, you’re just lazy. Academics had never been an important part of your life, until now.”

“I know and I’ve been so stupid because I’ve wasted all this time and I don’t think I’m going to be able to make up for it.”

Severus scowled. “Of course you can make up for it, Evans. If you work your tail off this year then you’ll be all caught up and if you work yourself to your bones for your OWLs then you can easily pull of E’s and O’s in everything. Trust me. You can do this. Gorgon and I will help you. We’ll do all our homework together and we’ll study together every night if we have to, but we can do this. I promise.”

Evans smiled at him and bit her lip. “You’re an incredible friend, you know that, Sev, right?”

Severus smiled at her shyly. Evans scowled at the shyness in the smile and then reached over and grabbed him in a tight hug.

Severus hugged her back, sighing inwardly at the tough road that lay ahead of him, Gorgon and most importantly, Evans. But the thought of not helping and telling her to give up never entered his mind. She’d given him the biggest gift she could have ever given him. Her friendship. And for that, Severus would do anything for her.

 

**April 17th, 1975**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Minerva McGonagall briskly walked down the dark corridors, peeking into empty classrooms and frowning up every stairway. Where was that child?

Albus had called her up to his office a few minutes ago, asking her to please go and find Severus. Apparently, the thirteen year old had hidden himself somewhere in the school with his elf late Friday afternoon and hadn’t been heard from since. Since tomorrow was Monday morning and exams were creeping closer, Albus didn’t think it was the best idea for the young Slytherin to miss any classes. He had sent elves scampering around to try and find him, but they hadn’t had any luck and Fawkes had recently burned and the tiny young phoenix was in no shape to fly around the school. Minerva had asked Filch if he had seen the child, but the old caretaker hadn’t seen him since Thursday.

The Transfiguration professor sighed softly as she walked down another flight of stairs. It didn’t surprise her that nobody had found him. Severus knew the school better than most teachers did and if he wanted to disappear somewhere inside it, then he could do so as quietly and discreetly as a tiny ghost.

She had run into Lily Evans a while ago and quietly asked her if she’d seen her young friend. Lily’s eyes had clouded with worry before saying she’d go and check. She had run off towards the Gryffindor dormitories, telling the professor she’d be back in a minute. Minerva had frowned and wanted to call after her that Severus would surely not be in the Gryffindor towers, but she figured Lily wasn’t that stupid and knew what she was doing. She was back three minutes later, gasping for breath and a streak of soot on her cheeks, declaring that Severus wasn’t where he usually was. Minerva had raised an eyebrow and demanded to know exactly why Severus Snape was ‘usually’ in the Gryffindor dormitories. Lily had given her a very confused look before laughing and saying the professor had misunderstood her. Right then, a group of other Gryffindors came up to Lily and the red head quickly spun around and started chattering with them. Minerva had taken a few steps back, knowing that very few teachers knew about the strange friendship between the Gryffindor and the Slytherin and to all their knowledge, no other students knew about it. Minerva knew that all nine hells would break loose if any of them found out—especially two certain gentlemen in her own house—so she refrained from ever mentioning anything about it and never commented on the way the two friends ignored each other in class and how snarky and rude Severus was to her when anybody else was around. Lily had quickly broken off her conversation with the group and turned back to Minerva, quietly telling her to check the kitchen and the library and winking at her and saying she’d probably find who she was looking for.

That had been half an hour ago. Sighing Minerva made her way to one of the abandoned wings on the fifth floor. The wing contained many old classrooms which hadn’t been used in at least fifty years and mostly contained filing cabinets for storage. The rooms had been converted into safe rooms during the last war against Grindelwald when Hogsmeade had to be evacuated and many of the families made their way to Hogwarts and crammed themselves into the abandoned classrooms which had been converted into living quarters for the hundreds of fleeing evacuees.

Many of the classrooms still had beds and chests of drawers in them, in silent preparation for an event which the old witch prayed would never happen again.

She walked past the old classrooms, straining her ears to hear any sounds coming from the empty rooms. When she couldn’t hear anything, she bit her lip. She wasn’t sure why but she felt that the rooms weren’t all empty. There was someone here. She quickly muttered the Animagus incantation under her breath and transfigured herself into a tabby cat, knowing her hearing was much better as a cat than a human.

She quietly padded down the hallway, tilting her head infront of every door, keenly listening.

She had nearly reached the end of the hallway when she heard the quiet sizzling of a ward covered one of the doors. She padded closer and gently reached out a paw to tap the invisible barrier. Immediately, the area she’d touched sparkled and sizzled in a bright blue color and she took a careful step back. She carefully examined the barrier and found that it wasn’t too complex, but it was well advanced for a fourth year. Hissing the proper incantation at it—which wasn’t effected by what language one uttered it in—the ward quickly fizzled and dropped.

Standing up on her hindlegs, she pawed the door knob and turned it. Falling back onto her front paws, she gently nudged the door open with her nose and stepped into the room.

What she saw nearly made her revert back to her human form. The entire room was covered in pieces of parchment. Piles of them sat scattered on the floor, spilling off desks which had been pushed against the walls and the walls themselves were covered in parchment which had been stuck on with sticking charms. All the papers were covered in the tiny, jagged writing which Minerva recognized at once. Severus’ writing had always reminded her of a twitchy spider walking across the parchment with ink dabbed onto its eight legs.

In the middle of this chaos of parchment and ink crouched a thirteen year old boy. He was crouching on the floor, madly scribbling on a fresh piece of parchment. His hands and face were covered in ink stains. On the floor beside him lay piles of books and parchment pieces, some of them torn to shreds and some of them charmed together to make the roll longer. Minerva immediately spotted Gorgon, who was sitting on one of the nearby desks, a heavy book open on his lap and a deep frown creasing his forehead as he skimmed through it. His fingers were covered in ink stains too and he looked utterly exhausted. Come to think of it, the thirteen year old crouching on the floor looked exhausted too. Deep, dark bruises surrounded his dark eyes and his hair seemed even more limp than it usually was. He looked pale and completely worn out, but the concentration evident on his face never wavered as he kept on scribbling. They were both so absorbed in what they were doing that neither of them had noticed the door quietly opening and Minerva creeping inside.

She frowned and sat down, trying to figure out what on earth the two of them were doing and how she should approach them. If she changed back into human form too suddenly, Severus would go hysterical and Gorgon might accidently attack her. Neither thought was too pleasant so she quietly sat back and watched them work.

After a few moments of silence, Severus glanced up at his elf. He was still frowning in deep concentration and rubbed his nose with a finger, getting ink all over it in the process.

“Gorgon, where did you put Huggen’s Principles?”

His elf glanced up. “First ten principles or next ten?”

Severus frowned. “The first ten.”

Gorgon frowned around the messy room before finally pointing at the far wall. Severus twisted around on the floor and squinted at the pieces of parchment. Recognizing the one he wanted, he pointed at it, muttered the counter-charm for the sticking charm and then snapped his fingers and summoned it to him.

Minerva’s eyebrows rose when the paper obediently lifted off the wall and flew over to smoothly land in the outstretched hand. Minerva had had no idea that Severus could do wand-less magic. She found herself being quite impressed. She had always known Severus’ magical abilities were immense and he had great potential, but he had always been reluctant to expand on them or demonstrate anything in class, probably fearing more taunting from his fellow peers. But Minerva was thrilled to see that he was still challenging himself and advancing outside of the classroom. It was only a pity that she had to sneak up on him in the middle of the night in her Animagus form in order to witness it. His lack of confidence was sometimes incredibly saddening.

Just then, he scowled darkly, let out an Elfish curse and savagely crumpled up the long piece of parchment he had been scribbling on. Using his wand, he muttered “Incendio” at it and then levitated it with his hand and sent the burning mass heading towards a garbage can in the corner. Gorgon glanced up and muttered something in Elfish at him. Probably telling him not to swear.

She quietly watched them working for a bit more before she quietly let out a ‘meow’. Immediately, both of their heads snapped up. Severus nearly spilt an inkpot on his parchment while he yanked out his wand and Gorgon snapped his book shut and yanked his wand out.

Before she could even blink, she had two wands pointed at her. She quietly sat there, hoping that they’d recognize her quickly.

Severus’ wide eyes stared at her for a long moment before he took a deep breath and slightly relaxed his clenched jaw. He slowly lowered his wand and glanced at the floor.

“Good evening, Professor.” He muttered, keeping his eyes glued to the floor. He sent a sideways scowl at his elf, who frowned at her before his eyes widened in recognition and he quickly stuffed his wand out of the way and grinned at her.

“Gorgy wishes Professor McGonagall a very pleasant evening.” He said, bowing to her and nearly falling off the desk.

Minerva nodded back at him and then quietly padded up to Severus. She sat down beside him and curiously glanced over the papers.

Severus was staring at her, probably fearing that she’d return to her human form and start yelling at him but when she continued curiously staring at the papers, he cleared his throat.

“Uhm, we’re really sorry for being up so late, Professor. But we lost track of time. I didn’t realize it would take us this long to do. I’m truly sorry.” He muttered.

Minerva lifted a paw and brushed off the apologies. It wasn’t that late and he wasn’t doing anything that would cause him or anybody else any harm. All she was concerned about was what could have possibly captivated and held the attention of a thirteen year old and his elf for nearly three solid days.

She cautiously stepped through piles of parchment and examined them curiously. Severus fiddled around with a quill and bit his lip, clearly still nervous.

Minerva realized all the papers were covered in mathematical equations, diagrams, arrows and long paragraphs of various theories and principles. Examining the titles of the books Gorgon was sitting beside, she realized they were all arithmancy books written by various professors and teachers and mathematicians. Some of them were far too advanced for a fourth year student, but she knew that didn’t matter where Severus was concerned.

She continued stepping over piles of scribbled diagrams and long rolls of continuous equations before going back and sitting down squarely in front of Severus and raising one of her eyebrows, demanding an explanation.

Severus was still chewing on his lip and was staring at the floor, fearing that she’d start yelling any second. When she didn’t, he licked nervous lips and exchanged a glance with his elf.

“Uhm, I know you’re wondering what we’re doing and I know it looks crazy but we’re actually doing something productive. Uhm, you see, Professor Vector gave us some problems during our last unit that she says were un-solvable but I didn’t believe her so she said I should try one of them and hand in the answer on Monday, and well, we’ve worked all weekend and we’ve gotten nowhere and the Professor will be so upset with me when I don’t hand anything in tomorrow.” He said, sounding so upset that Minerva thought he’d burst into tears.

Her first instinct had been to laugh. Clearly, Stema Vector had given him the assignment as a joke but hadn’t taken into account the seriousness with which Severus regarded all his assignments. Obviously Severus had taken this too seriously.

Sighing softly, she quiely muttered an incantation and reverted back to her human form. She crouched down beside the quiet teenager.

“Mr. Snape, I highly doubt Professor Vector gave you an impossible assignment with the expectations that you were to finish it. She obviously meant it as a little joke, but you’ve entirely missed the point—”

He shook his head, eyes digging into the floor. “No, Professor. I’m just stupid. Incredibly stupid. I’m sure that if everyone else in the class had gotten the assignment, they’d have finished it, but I didn’t. No, she gave me the assignment so I’d finally see how stupid I am. I’m sure of it, Professor. Why else couldn’t I finish this?” He barely managed to jerk the last few words through his tear choked throat, but his eyes remained dry.

She stared at him, horrified at how Severus had completely twisted the situation around and confused himself so soundly. Before she had a chance to say anything, Gorgon leapt off the desk and ran to his young master.

“No! Young master can never say that. Young master brilliant and smart and he knows this. Just because we can’t do stupid question, fine, we can’t do stupid question—”

“But don’t you see, elf? It’s not the question that’s stupid, it’s me who’s stupid and the Professor will either laugh or she’ll say she was wrong to give me those advanced problem sets since I’m obviously too stupid to do them.”

Minerva sighed inwardly before firmly grabbing the despairing teenager’s chin and making him look at her.

“Mr. Snape, I want you to listen to me very carefully. You’ve obviously misunderstood the assignment. Professor Vector meant it as a joke but you’ve taken it seriously. She doesn’t expect you to hand in anything tomorrow, she actually expects you to come in and laugh it off.”

He bit his lip. “Are you sure, Professor?”

“More than sure. And if she does happen to take off marks for not having finished it, you come straight to me and I’ll straighten her out. But I know her, Mr. Snape. She wouldn’t give you a problem that dozens of professors and mathematicians three times your age hadn’t been able to solve over the past hundred years. It doesn’t make any sense.”

Gorgon was nodding slowly, understanding. “So Professor really won’t mind that we got nowhere?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say you got nowhere, Mr. Gorgon. You’ve done an incredible amount of work here. Granted, I know next to nothing about any of this, but you might have made some advancements which would prove very useful later on.” She frowned around the room and nodded to herself. “Yes, in fact, I want you to collect every piece of parchment in this room and hand it in to Professor Vector tomorrow and show her what you’ve done.”

Privately, she made a mental note to speak with Stema tomorrow morning before classes and ask her to give Severus some bonus marks for the tremendous amount of work he and Gorgon had done. Even if they had made an almost laughable mistake misinterpreting an assignment, the amount of work they put in was truly commendable and didn’t deserve to be brushed off. If all of her students showed this much dedication to their assignments and put this much effort into them, she’d be putting E’s and O’s on everything.

Pushing herself off the floor, she quickly waved her wand around the room and the papers all flew into a large bundle and she conjured up a ribbon from the tip of her wand and tied it around the pile and then handed it to Severus.

Both Severus and Gorgon were staring at her. She gave them a thin smile. “And now, off to bed with both of you. You’re both exhausted and you need a good night’s sleep. You’ve both worked incredibly hard and you deserve some rest.”

Gorgon gave her a low bow and muttered his thanks and Severus gave her one of his rare small smiles and nodded.

Holding the bundle close to himself, he strode out of the room, his elf holding onto the back of his robes with one hand and quickly pattering across the floor on crooked legs to keep up with the brisk pace.

Minerva watched them go before she ruefully smiled and rolled her eyes. What a strange pair those two were. What a strange but wonderful pair they were.

With that in mind, she pulled out her wand again and started cleaning up the broken quills and inkstains in the large room.

 

**July 13th, 1975**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus jerked awake as soon as he heard the loud crack beside him. His eyes flew open and he bolted upright, his hand already yanking his wand out.

He heard a squeal and something bright jumped madly around the floor, hopping from one leg to the other. He sighed, swore in Elfish and dropped his wand into his lap.

“What do you want, Gabrielle? It’s way too early to start chores.” He muttered in Elfish, throwing the perky elf a scowl.

Gabby squealed and waved away his grumpiness. “Oh, Master Severus can’t be grouchy this early in the morning! Gabby brought Master Severus a letter!” she squealed in Elfish, madly hopping around.

Severus sighed and let himself fall back onto his pillow. “If it’s something from Evans then just leave it on the desk. I’ll look at it later.” He mumbled in Elfish and then turned and dug himself back into his pillow and blankets.

Gabby sighed loudly and put her hands on her hips. “Master Severus must open the letter at once! It’s very important. It’s not from Miss Lily or from the headmaster. It’s from the Ministry! It’s from the—” she paused and carefully muttered her way through the name emprinted within the large red seal on the back of the envelope. Severus had taught the small elf how to read late last year after discovering that she’d never been taught how. When she had retorted that pleasure elves didn’t need to learn how to read, he’d glared and said that that wasn’t any excuse and that even the lowliest being could and should be educated, providing he or she was smart enough. He then spent hours teaching her how to read. To her surprise, Gabby had discovered she loved reading and now hurried up to the headmaster’s office one night a week to read a story book together.

She frowned as she carefully finished reading. “It’s from the Wizarding Examinations Authority.”

At those words, Gorgon’s sleepy eyes opened and he mumbled in Elfish that his young master should open it right away.

Severus scowled into his pillows and demanded to know why he cared if some Wizarding something or other’s had written to him.

Gorgon sighed sleepily and muttered that his young master was incredibly dense and that it was probably his results from his OWL examination in potions.

At those words, Severus immediately bolted upwards. He stared at the envelope with wide eyes. When Gabby squealed again and shook the envelope under his nose, he recoiled from it, staring at it.

Gorgon sighed again and sleepily sat up. Rubbing his eyes and blinking a few times, he held out a hand and Gabby handed him the letter. Right away, Gabby hurled herself onto the bed and crawled up beside Gorgon. They leered and threw winks at each other at first while Gorgon opened the letter. Then Gabby curiously peered over his shoulder.

They both quickly skimmed through the letter and then exchanged wide grins while Gabby squealed and clapped her hands. Gorgon was grinning and nodding to himself and then shot his young master a proud smile.

“Gorgy is so very proud of young master!”

Severus stared back and forth between them before edging slightly closer to the letter. From their excitement, he guessed he hadn’t failed but he was still chewing on his lip anxiously, in case he was wrong. A part of him so badly wanted to see what the letter said, but another part of him was still too scared.

He could hardly remember the examination itself. The written part hadn’t been that bad, but the practical portion had been horrible. The entire time, he had felt the beady eyes of that old witch on him, following every move he made and making notes on her clipboard. He was so nervous and terrified of making mistakes that he found himself believing that she had fluorescent green eyes, and he called her ‘sir’ half a dozen times.

When he had told the headmaster about that after the exam, he laughed and said that Griselda Marchbanks had already been by and told him about it. She had wanted him to pass on the message that she had been quite amused by it and that his nervousness didn’t seem to have affected his performance at all.

She hadn’t exactly been nice to him, but she hadn’t been nice to anybody. She had nodded from time to time and even raised her eyebrows at one point when he measured out the salamander blood using an eyedropper instead of a spoon for complete accuracy, but asides from that, she hadn’t said anything to him. Apparently the headmaster had to send off a special form when registering him to take the exam since he was thirteen, two years younger than most of the others taking the exam and the headmaster had to argue long and hard before convincing her that he could take the exam. When he had walked into the practical examination room with two other Ravenclaw fifth years, she had motioned him over to her and then stood there and looked him up and down. She had quietly said that he could choose to post-pone the exam until next year if he wished, but he’d shaken his head and said he was as prepared as he was ever going to be. Gorgon and Evans had spent weeks endlessly drilling him on techniques, ingredients, antidotes and various historical tid-bits which he could put into short answer questions on the exam. They would both kill him if he didn’t take it now.

She had raised her eyebrows and then reminded him that he couldn’t retake it if he did badly. He had nodded and frowned slightly, saying that that much was obvious. She had pursed her lips and then she had motioned him towards the table covered in bottles and bowlfuls of potion ingredients and wished him luck.

After the exam, he walked back down to his room where he was immediately pounced on by half a dozen elves, Gorgon, Myrtle and Evans, who all demanded to know how it went and demanding to be told the result as soon as it was owled to him.

Severus nervously chewed on his lip, watching his elf and Gabby grinning and squealing over the letter.

He sighed. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”

Grabbing the letter and ignoring the excited squeals from the two elves, he slowly smoothed the letter out and skimmed past the introductory paragraph and down to the part where bold letters announced the Ordinary Wizarding Level he had achieved.

‘Outstanding’

He blinked and stared at it. It didn’t register. He frowned and stared at it again, convinced that he must be seeing things.

‘Outstanding’

After staring at it for a good long moment, it finally sunk in. He had gotten outstanding in potions. A small proud smile flickered across his face as he skimmed the rest of the letter. On the very bottom there were a few scrawled sentences written by Mrs. Marchbanks. She congratulated him, told him he seemed to have a natural gift where potions were concerned and he shouldn’t have any problems with his other OWLs next year. Then she wished him luck and said she’d see him next year.

He looked up from the messy black ink and grinned at his elf who was sobbing now, overwhelmed with pride.

“Oh, Gorgy so proud of young master! Worked so hard and hard work paid off now!”

Gabby was nearly in tears too and flung herself into Severus’ arms. Moments later, Gorgon followed and Severus nearly fell over as the two elves clung to him, congratulating him and sobbing that they were so proud of him. Severus hugged them back, whispering a thank you to his elf, without whom he was sure he wouldn’t have passed. Gorgon waved away the gratitude and said that his young master passed because of his own brilliance and that Gorgy had only helped push him in the right direction.

Only a few minutes later, Fawkes apparated beside them, squawking madly and saying that Griselda had owled them with his results just a few minutes ago and he was so proud of him. The phoenix had swooped through the air and sent a shower of golden sparks all over the small room before landing on his young friend’s shoulder, nipping his ear affectionately and then saying he should hurry upstairs because the headmaster wanted to congratulate him too.

By the end of the day, Severus had been showered by so many hugs, tears and congratulatory cries that he felt quite faint. Or maybe it was just because he spent the majority of the day smiling with quiet pride.

 

**Sept.1st, 1975**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus heard the cheerful “Come in” being called at the door and the old oak door swung open. He stepped inside, keeping his hands behind his back and the little badge he had clenched in between them hidden from view.

The headmaster looked up and smiled at him, his eyes twinkling as always.

“Ah, good afternoon. I’m so glad you came up here. I’ve just received an owl from Mr. and Mrs. Evans. They’re both thrilled with their daughter’s sudden dedication to her studies and nearly fainted when her exam results came in.”

Severus managed a faint smile. Lily had sent him an owl two days ago, huge letters announcing her exam results. She’d gotten eighty and better in everything. Severus was horribly proud of her.

“I know, sir. She sent me an owl two days ago.”

The headmaster’s eyes twinkled at him. “Well, she should be proud. And you should too. Not only of your results—and may I again congratulate you on your outstanding OWL in potions, Griselda still can’t believe that you’re only thirteen— but of the patience you’ve managed with helping her. You know she couldn’t have done this without your help. If you’d like, I can mention it in the reply to her parents.”

Immediately, Severus’ eyes widened and he shook his head. “No, sir. The owl might get intercepted or her parents might mention something to Mrs. Hedridge or Mrs. Sollens or somebody else. I don’t need any credit, sir. It’s enough for me to know that Evans is finally doing what I always knew she was capable of. The laziness is slowly starting to wear off.”

“It seems to me that it wore off quite awhile ago.”

Severus rolled his eyes. “If you’d know the number of times Gorgon and I had to threaten her and yell at her to get to her keep studying and hand in her assignments on time, you’d withdraw that opinion.” He muttered.

The headmaster laughed and then smiled at him proudly. “Dear, I’m very proud of you for doing this.”

Severus shrugged. “She’s my friend, headmaster. The reasons behind it are still beyond me, but she’s my friend. And according to Fawkes, friends stick by each other and help each other.”

The headmaster chuckled again at the teenager’s inability to accept any compliments.

When Severus started fidgeting, Dumbledore frowned and sat up.

“So, what can I do for you?”

He bit his lip and ducked his head down. The headmaster’s frown deepend. Whenever Severus became shy like this, it meant he was about to ask something or say something and he was too scared to.

“Uhm, I just came up here to return this to you, sir.” He mumbled. He raised his eyes for an instant but then jerked them back down again. Stepping up to the desk, he pulled the small badge from behind his back and put it onto the desk and then stuck his hands behind his back again as if the badge might burn them.

The headmaster stared down at the small prefect’s badge and sighed inwardly. He had half suspected that Severus would refuse and return the badge.

“May I ask why? It’s an honor to be made a prefect.”

Severus glanced at him. “Oh, I know that, sir. And I feel very honored that you’d picked me out of all the other Slytherin fifth years, but I don’t want to be a prefect.”

The headmaster frowned. “Is it because you think you don’t deserve it?”

“No, sir. I just think that I won’t be able to fulfill all the duties that go along with that badge. I wouldn’t feel comfortable reprimanding people for doing something wrong or drawing attention to myself because of the badge.”

The headmaster sighed. “Dear, most of the school is hardly aware of your existence.”

Severus nodded. “And that’s the way I would prefer it to stay, headmaster. But if you give me this badge, people would suddenly start noticing me and they’ll force me to talk to them and interact with them and that would be horrid.” He said, shuddering slightly.

The headmaster stared at him for a long moment, before he sighed again. “Alright. Very well. I’m disappointed, but not really surprised. Well, Professor Bodin and Gorgon and a few others will be disappointed by this as well, but I can’t say they’ll be very surprised.”

“I should hope not, sir. Anyway, thank you again for offering it to me. It came as a surprise. I didn’t know you felt I deserved it.”

“Dear, I don’t only feel you deserve it, but many people in this school think you deserve it. We’re all terribly proud of everything you’ve accomplished over the last four years, my dear. This was our way of demonstrating that, but if you don’t want it, then by all means, I won’t force it on you. But even though you didn’t accept the badge, I want you to remember that it was offered to you.”

Severus smiled shyly. “I will, sir. I always will. You can be sure of that.”

The headmaster gave him one last smile before nodding and dismissing him. He watched the teenager turning and striding from the room, politely shutting the door behind himself.

 

**Sept. 2nd, 1975**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Lily Evans impatiently waited until the rest of her roommates had left to go to the bathroom to brush their teeth. Margie took the longest, always taking forever digging through her luggage to find her toothbrush, make up remover, toothpaste and the hundreds of other things she lunged to the bathroom every night.

Lily hadn’t seen Severus at the sorting, but that wasn’t unusual. She knew her friend hated the extreme amount of noise and hugging that came along with the first dinner of the year and always ate in the kitchen. She had impatiently sat through the sorting and tried to pay attention to the squeals of her friends around her who constantly hugged her, told her they loved how she’d cut an inch off her hair and chattered on and on about what they’d done over the summer. Lily tried her best not to be abrupt with them but she couldn’t help it. She was dying to see what her best friend thought of his new position as a Slytherin prefect. She hadn’t been surprised in the least when she’d gotten a small owl from the headmaster a few weeks ago, telling her that Severus would be getting the badge but that she should refrain from mentioning it.

After dinner was finally done, she’d raced upstairs, thinking that she could slip down the chute before the room filled up with her chattering friends, but Kiana was already in the dormitory when she came in so Lily had to patiently smile and talk and wait until they all cleared out. Lily cheerfully grinned after them, saying she had to paw through her junk to find her toothbrush and she’d meet them in the bathroom.

As soon as her friends were out the door, she’s leapt across her barely unpacked luggage, swung around two bedposts and then nearly threw herself into the empty fireplace and down the chute. Racing down the dark corridor, she skid to a halt before the warded door and impatiently muttered and waved her wand at it until the wards dropped and she threw herself through the door.

“So let’s see it!” she cried, an excited smile on her face as she nearly fell into the room.

Severus was lying on his bed and leaning against the headboard, a book propped open on his lap. Gorgon was sitting on his desk, munching on a chocolate frog. Both of them had heard the red head thundering down the chute and stomping down the corridor before she had flung herself through the door, or else they would both be pointing wands at her.

Severus glanced up at her. “See what?” he mumbled.

She rolled her eyes. “See what? What is it with this modest shit, Sev? Where is it?”

She went over and carefully examined his black robe, frowning when she didn’t see the badge. She turned to Gorgon. “Didn’t he get it yet?” she whispered, horrified that she might have ruined the surprise.

Gorgon glanced up at her and then scowled at his young master. “Oh, he got it. And he returned it. All within half an hour.”

Severus scowled right back at his elf. He knew Gorgon was upset with him for returning the badge. His elf had been hoping that the badge would force Severus to socialize with the other people in his class and maybe make some new friends. Severus had been firm about the fact that he was quite satisfied with the friends he currently had and he didn’t want to socialize with any of the other dunderheads in his class. He had to sit among them for most of the week anyway and he got his fill of seeing them that way. He had no desire to see them outside of class.

Lily’s eyes widened and she stared at him. “You gave it back?!” she cried, her voice ringing through the small room.

Severus nearly dropped his book as he glanced up at her and shrugged. “Yeah. So what? You can’t really be surprised—”

“You’re such a stupid git!” she yelled, interupting him.

“Evans, if you’ll just shut up and let me explain—”

“Explain what? That you’re a stupid git? Getting the badge isn’t only an honor but it’s a golden opportunity for you to finally make new friends and you’ve just thrown that all away!”

Severus sighed softly. “Evans, I don’t want to make new friends—”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t need—”

“Hogshit!” she yelled. “You’re scared of them and that’s why you throw away every opportunity in which you could at least try.”

Severus glared down at the book on his lap, not answering. Gorgon inwardly applauded Lily for finally saying what he had been wanting to say to his young master for years.

Lily crossed her arms across her chest, waiting for him to retort a snarky answer so they could continue the argument. When he just continued glaring at the book, she sighed softly and dropped down on the bed beside him. She shoved the book over a bit and leaned against the headboard.

Pulling her knees up to her chest, she stared at the shut door before sighing again.

“Sev, I’m sorry I lost my temper like that, but I hate it that you’re so scared of other people.”

“Why is it such a problem for you, Evans? I’m not scared of you.”

“No, but you’re depriving the others in the school of knowing a wonderful and smart person.”

Severus snorted. “They already know you, Evans.”

She sighed. “I wasn’t talking about me, you git. I was talking about you.”

Silence met this as both teenagers stared at different spots in the room. Finally, Lily sighed.

“Alright, fine. Let’s forget about this.” She yanked the book over so it was sitting across both of their laps and she frowned down at the pictures.

“Ew! This is one of those nasty dark books, isn’t it? That’s disgusting.”

Turning a page, she frowned at another picture and then demanded that Severus explain exactly how someone could make someone’s fingers bend backwards and grow into the skin in the back of their hands.

Severus and Gorgon both jumped on the explanation, both thrilled to have a change in topic.

Discussing Severus’ fear of people and his reluctance to make new friends was an unknown expanse where neither Severus nor Gorgon knew their way around, but when discussing dark magic, both of them relaxed, feeling perfectly comfortable in an area they knew way too much about.

 

**Dec. 27th, 1975**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus kept a tight hold on Xira’s mane as he pushed through dense bushes and nearly tripped over dark roots. Behind him, he heard Lily uttering a nearly inaudible curse when Elixa nearly stepped on her feet with her heavy, black hooves.

“Sev, why can’t we ever light our damn wands? I can’t see a bloody thing.” She hissed at him, her voice filled with annoyance.

Severus scowled and rolled his eyes. “Because if we do, we risk waking up every slumbering thing in this forest and I don’t feel like waging a war from here until the edge of the forest,” He whispered back.

“Well then isn’t there some other spell you can do? We’ve never walked this way and I just know I’ll step on some clinging vipers or something horrid.”

Severus bit his lip and mulled it over. Most of the illumination spells he knew involved creating some source of light, which didn’t help their case. But then another spell occurred to him.

He stopped and released Xira’s mane. “Evans, I have an idea.” He whispered, turning to face her.

She released Elixa’s mane and stepped closer to him. Her hood was pulled over her bright red hair and she was keeping it tightly clutched around her to ward off the cold night winter air.

She frowned. “Alright, let’s hear it.”

“It’s a spell Gorgon and I read about a year ago. It’s a dark spell but it’s relatively easy.”

She nodded. “Will it hurt?” she asked. She’d learned a lot about dark magic from her dark friend over the past few years and something she had learned was that most dark magic not only gave something to their creator, but demanded something in return. This ranged from pain to strength to the person’s eyesight and other such unpleasantries.

He shrugged. “Just a bit of a tingle. Nothing too discomforting.”

He pulled his wand out of his pocket and shivered in the cold. He muttered the spell, carefully enunciating the ancient words. A tiny blue splutter came out of his wand tip. He scowled.

“My fingers are too damn cold. The magic isn’t flowing properly into the wand.” He muttered.

Evans quickly pulled out her own wand and muttered a heating charm and gently tapped his shaking, outstretched hands. She knew it wasn’t a good idea for a wand to be told a dark spell, then a quick, easy heating spell and then the same dark spell. The wand tended to get confused with the amount of power it had to use and the heating spell could have burned her friend’s hands off if he would have used his own wand.

Immediately, Severus nodded and flexed his fingers, letting the warmth creep into them.

Then he carefully whispered the spell again and this time, a bright blue flame erupted at the end of his wand. He quickly covered it with one hand, cautiously peering around himself to make sure the light hadn’t woken up anything unpleasant.

Then he whispered for Lily to hold up her two index fingers. Evans did so, curiously frowning at the blue flame.

“Now, this won’t hurt a bit. You won’t even feel it.” He whispered and gently tapped her finger tips with the blue flame. Immediately, tiny flames erupted on her fingertips. Evans stared at them with fascination. Her fingers were on fire but she couldn’t feel a thing.

“Now, lean back and put the flames into your eyes.”

Evans froze and stared at him. “What?” she demanded in an incredulous tone. “Are you mad?” she hissed.

The dark, fathomless black eyes of her friend stared back at her. He sighed softly. “Just do it, Evans. I told you it won’t hurt. Your eyes will just tingle a bit.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. He rolled his eyes. “Just trust me, Evans. You know I know what I’m doing.”

She had to admit he had a point, so she cautiously tilted her head back and brought her flaming fingers closer to her eyes. At the last instant, she nearly clenched her eyes shut, but then she quickly stuck the flames to her eyes and then shut them. Her eyes started tingling and she could see blue flames dancing against her shut eyelids.

“Alright, now slowly open your eyes.” She slowly allowed her eyes to open, and what she saw amazed her.

Moments before, the forest around her had been cloaked in an impenetrable darkness, so thick that she could hardly see her hand in front of her face. Now, everything was bathed in an eerie blue light, illuminating everything around her. She turned around, staring around herself. She could see everything. Every tree, every leaf on every branch, every tiny insect crawling on the ground at her feet.

A brilliant smile lit up her face and she grinned at Severus. “Sev, you’re a genius!” she whispered. “I can see everything.”

Severus gave her a small smile. “You see? I told you it wouldn’t hurt.”

“But, Sev, aren’t my eyes glowing bright blue?”

He shook his head. “No. The flames are sucked into your optic nerve at the back of your eye. Nobody would know they’re there except for you.”

She grinned, loving this little bit of dark magic. “How long will it last?”

“About half an hour. Just be careful. Your eyes are a lot more sensitive to light now than they usually are. Make sure you tell me when it wears off. We’ll stay away from bright places until then.”

Still grinning, Lily grabbed hold of her thestral’s mane and kept walking, following Severus down the untrodden path they were making.

When they reached the edge of the forest—the side furthest away from the castle and Hagrid’s hut, they stopped and swung themselves onto their thestrals. Wedging their legs underneath the large wing joints and digging their cold hands into the warm manes and adjusting their thick black cloaks and hoods, they finally gave each other a nod.

Giving their thestrals soft whistles and nudging them in their sides, they trotted off across the snow covered field. As soon as the thestrals were sure of their footing on the slippery white snow, their riders urged them to go faster until they were running over the white covered ground, icy cold wind whipping past their faces and tearing at their hair and cloaks.

They rode side by side, tightly holding on and ducking underneath low branches and turning around large trees and curves in the trail they had travelled many times.

They galloped across the field, leaving the forest and the school far behind as they circled around them until they reached a long winding trail which lead to a wide open field and the town of Hogsmeade.

There was a low gate shutting off access to the snow covered trail which the thestrals easily jumped over, their riders tightening their grips and rising with their horses with long practiced ease. They quietly galloped across the snow, the quiet snorts of the black horses and the rhythmic thuds of their hooves being the only sounds to disrupt the quiet stillness of the December night.

When they reached the end of the trail and were running across the snow covered field, they both gently pulled back on their horses manes and slowed them down before finally coming to a stop.

Elixa had wanted to keep running and snorted in annoyance and reared up, but Lily clung on and scowled, telling her to quit it. Xira tossed her head as if she was very unimpressed with her fellow companion’s attitude. Severus chuckled and gently pat her neck before swinging himself off her. Evans leapt off as well and then gave Elixa a quick hug, telling her she had been a good girl.

Severus gently stroked Xira’s nose before quietly murmuring that he and Evans would be back in a few hours and they’d call for them when they were ready to head back. Xira nodded and snorted, nudging her young rider’s hand with affection before the two thestrals turned and ran off across the field.

The two friends shivered in the cold and clutched their thick cloaks tightly around themselves.

Evans pushed a strand of her hair behind her ears and glanced at her friend.

“Alright, are we going to practice now or after?”

“We can do it now. Your eyes are still too sensitive to go anywhere with bright lights.”

She nodded. He had a point.

Evans pulled out her wand and carefully pointed at a spot across the field about fifty meters from where they were standing. Mumbling a quiet charm, a bright red star shot out of her wand tip and twirled through the air. Evans watched it closely and quickly froze the star when it reached the spot she had aimed it at. She smiled in satisfaction and smirked at Severus.

“Hey! Did you see that? These OWL things are going to be a snap, I tell you. This magic business is really bloody easy when you put your mind to it.”

He snorted. “This from the person who just two hours ago was nearly crying in frustration because she couldn’t remember the proper definition of a switching spell.”

She rolled her eyes, still proudly watching her star hovering above the white snow.

“Well, anybody sane would be near tears too if they spent every minute of their winter vacation studying for exams which are nearly six months away.”

Severus ignored her. They had argued this point for hours at the beginning of the school year. Both Gorgon and Severus had insisted they start studying, practicing and revising very early in the year so they’d know everything backwards and forwards by the time June came around. Lily had complained and whined and fussed about it, but then Gorgon reminded her that she needed all her OWLs if she was going to become an Auror. So she had grudgingly agreed to sacrifice three nights a week to studying and revising with the two of them.

But tonight she had called it quits after her eyesight started blurring and frustration nearly made her cry and Gorgon had to leave to help tend to some sick first years in the infirmary. So she’d slammed her charms textbook shut and hopped up, dragging Severus outside with her. They had nearly run into Mrs. Norris, but at the last moment, Severus had grabbed Lily’s arm and the two of them had levitated themselves onto a nearby trophy case and held their breaths as the nosy cat slunk by. Then they had to get rid of Fawkes, who wanted to go down to the kitchen and have some chocolate frogs. After reassuring him that there would be other elves down there and that the two of them had some urgent matters to attend to, the phoenix shrugged and disapparated in a burst of flames to go down to the kitchen by himself, leaving the two teenagers to sneak out of the castle without being caught.

Severus pulled out his wand and carefully started preparing. Submerging his mind within his magic, he slowly started condensing it and pulling it in as tightly as he could. Gorgon had been very firm about this. He had to gather every bit of magic within himself together before apparating anywhere, not matter how small the distance. If he didn’t, a part of his magic would be left behind, taking with it some part of him, and he would be splinched.

Evans was carefully watching him. “Sev, you’re doing it again!”

Letting out a frustrated sigh and releasing the tight hold his mind had had on his magic as he slowly rolled it up, he glared at her. “Doing what?”

“You’re forgetting to breathe! Lisa isn’t around here somewhere, is she?

Severus glared at her while Evans smirked and then turned serious again.

“Alright, let’s do it the way Gorgon showed us.”

Together, they started breathing in unison, slowly and rhythmically until Severus had become so accustomed to it that he could start concentrating on coiling his magic together without focusing on his breathing.

Finally, he had all his magic tightly wound up inside of himself and then he closed his eyes and pictured the little patch of snowy field with the red star hovering above it clearly in his mind. He clung onto that image with all his strength before hurling his magic towards it.

He felt a rush of air and felt himself being pulled somewhere. The speed at which he was moving distracted him and he momentarily lost sight of the red star image in his mind before he grabbed hold of it again. Arms flailing, he finally felt himself land and sprawled onto the snow.

He slowly opened his eyes, feeling damp coldness seeping through his cloak from the snow he was lying on.

Taking a deep breath, he slowly pushed himself up and looked around.

The star hovered about ten meters to his right. He scowled and swore in Elfish. His elf would have had a heart attack if he would have heard him.

Evans meanwhile was winding up her own magic with clenched eyes and had just disapparated. Moments later, she apparated twenty meters on the other side of the red star. She sprawled out in the snow with a small shout and flailing arms before pushing herself up, eagerly looking around for the star. When she saw it, she scowled and swore too.

They stared at each other and the thirty meters which separated them with the twinkling red star between them.

“We suck.” Severus called over.

Evans sighed and shoved strands of her hair behind her ears. “No, we just need more practice.”

Severus sighed and muttered at the star, making it vanish with a small spark while Evans conjured and moved another star to the other side of the field.

Not wasting any time, they started breathing together again and prepared to try it again.

They practiced for fifteen more minutes, sometimes apparating quite close to the red star and sometimes nearly apparating on top of each other, forty meters away from it and laughing so hard that they nearly choked on mouthfuls of snow.

Finally, Evans collapsed on the snow and declared that she had had enough. Severus nodded and reached down to pull her back to her feet. Muttering drying charms at themselves, they dried off and then made the sparkling star disappear. Severus glared at it before it disappeared.

Evans snorted with laughter. “Sev, don’t be so pissed. We’ve only been practicing for a few weeks and Gorgon said it would take a long time to get right. We’ve got lots of time. Come on, let’s go get something warm to drink.”

Clutching their cloaks around themselves, they slowly trudged across the snowy field towards the distant twinkling lights of Hogsmeade.

 

*             *             *

 

They kept their hoods carefully pulled over their heads and kept their faces down so nobody might accidently recognize them. They made their way down the snow covered sidewalks, carefully keeping out of everybody’s way.

They made a wide berth around the Three Broomsticks—since they were sure Madam Rosmerta would recognize them as being Hogwarts students and tell on them—and continued on their way until they reached the edge of the small wizarding town.

Turning down a street, they reached the small, dingy pub with dim light shining through the dirty glass windows.

Pushing open the heavy door, Severus grabbed onto Evans’ arm and they slowly walked inside.

Lily kept her hood pulled over her face, wanting to avoid getting into arguments with the rude, drunk wizards and goblins who were still in the Hog’s Head at this time of night. When her and Severus had first started coming to the shady pub, she had made the mistake of coming in with a bright smile and letting her hair down. That had proved to be a mistake. She had attracted the attention of every filthy, grimy, rude git in the pub. When she had shot down the first few comments with well aimed, horribly crude curses and insults, one of the wizards thought she’d be won over with a touch rather than crude words. That was the point when Severus had yanked out his wand, levitated the drunk, filthy idiot and hurled him through the back window.

They moved through the low tables, avoiding a group of loud and laughing wizards who had obviously had too much to drink and two old witches dressed in very short robes and heavily made up faces who leered and grinned at them both when they walked by.

They walked up to the bar and rummaged around in the cloaks for money. The bartender glanced at them. “What do you two want?” he mumbled, hardly even looking at their faces.

“Two butterbeers with shots of firewhisky in each.” Severus muttered, keeping his voice low, although there was hardly any need. The bartender had never asked their ages and didn’t seem to care that they looked way too young to be out at this time of night in a pub like this one.

He just nodded and muttered that that would be seven sickles each and turned around to prepare their drinks.

They counted out the change and then took their glasses. They went and sat at the back of the pub at a table partially hidden in the corner. It was the perfect place to sit. Both of them could see everything around themselves and they had easy access to the back door if they had to leave in a hurry. At first, Lily had laughed at Severus’ many precautions, but after a few ‘situations’, she appreciated her friends paranoia and foresight. At first, she hadn’t felt comfortable in the dirty, old pub, but by now she was used to it. She could swear as much as she wanted to and discuss anything she wanted to and drink firewhisky. Nobody in the Hog’s Head cared that they were students and weren’t even supposed to be there.

Lily sighed happily as she took a long sip of the warm drink. “Ah, that’s so much better. I can feel my toes again.”

Severus rolled his eyes and snorted into his glass as he took a sip.

Lily leaned back and took a moment to glance around the dim pub. One of the wizards sitting at the far table saw her glance and threw her a wink and blew her a kiss.

Severus’ hand immediately went to his wand and Evans sat up with a jerk. She threw him a glare.

“What the fuck are you staring at, you drunk swine?” she yelled over, raising her chin, her eyes flashing at the man to dare and try something.

Severus took a careful sip of his butterbeer while his other hand stayed by his wand. He kept his eyes glued to the wizard’s hands. If the pig so much as moved them towards the pocket in his robes where he kept his wand or moved them to push himself off his chair, Severus would throw him out the door. Or burn his hair off. Or shatter every bone in his body. Dark magic was wonderful.

When the wizard stared back and forth between them and then quickly averted his eyes and went back to talking to his companions, the two teenagers relaxed and went back to drinking.

Evans was still glancing around herself. When she glanced into the far corner of the pub, she frowned slightly. She leaned forward.

“Sev, that man’s here again.” She whispered, mumbling into her glass.

Severus didn’t turn around so the man wouldn’t notice them staring. “The blond one?”

She nodded. “Yeah. He’s staring at us again just like last time.”

“Is he alone?”

“He always is.” She shuddered slightly. “He gives me the creeps.”

Severus shrugged. As long as the man stayed away from them and didn’t say anything, he couldn’t care less if he stared at them.

He cleared his throat and raised his voice, quickly changing the subject and trying to distract his friend, who was still staring at the blond haired man.

“So those two gits are still going out, huh?”

Evans grinned. “They’re not gits, they’re so cute together.”

“Well, cute isn’t the word I’d use. Longbottom is lazy and stupid and Cunningham can’t shut up if somebody paid her to. Annoying is more like it. They’re perfect for each other as long as they stay away from the public. If I have to listen to them laughing at one of them messing up a simple spell one more time I swear I’ll keel over and die.”

Evans rolled her eyes. “You’re such a pessimistic, jaded git. They’re perfect for each other and Frank isn’t stupid. He’s been helping Alice with her transfiguration and DADA work for years and he’s sure she’ll pass all her NEWTs no problem. He just isn’t the brightest person when it comes to potions.”

Severus snorted into his butterbeer. “You can say that again.”

Evans scowled and smacked him on the arm lightly. “Quit it. They’re very nice, both of them, which you would know if you would get over your insane fear of people and talk to them. But no, that would require you to act like a normal human being, and that’s something you’ve never been too good at, isn’t it?”

Severus glared at her and discreetly pointed his finger at her. Moments later, Lily’s hair exploded all over the place in a frizzy mess which lifted her hood right off her head.

Lily frowned in confusion and immediately put her hands up to her head. Her eyes widened in horror when she realized what he’d done.

“You horrible toad! Get rid of it, Sev! Hurry up!” she hissed in a horrified whisper.

Severus grinned. “Get rid of the hair you mean? Well, all you had to do was ask.” He lifted up his finger again but Evans kicked him sharply under the table.

“You know what I mean.” She hissed at him, glaring at him.

Severus immediately cowered under the stern, sparks of rage which were flying from her normally sparkling green eyes and quickly snapped his fingers at her hair, returning it to normal.

Lily pat her hair and yanked her hood up again. Sipping her butterbeer, she glared.

“You’re horrible. I didn’t even insult you so badly. It’s nothing compared to what those two egotistical pigs say.”

Severus immediately clenched his jaw and his eyes nearly burnt holes into the table top. He felt an angry, embarrassed flush reddening his cheeks but he tilted his head down, letting his hair cover his cheeks.

Evans stared at him before sighing and leaning forward. “Sev, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring those two up. Let’s just forget it, alright?”

He kept right on glaring, humiliating memories burning in his mind. Three weeks ago Potter’s current ‘girlfriend’—Kristy Toffy— caught him making out with a seventh year Hufflepuff in the back of the greenhouse and had very publically and very loudly broken up with him. Potter had been completely humiliated and had hid in the Gryffindor dormitories for days until Black decided to make his best friend feel better. First he had come sliding up to Evans and winked and put a casual arm around her and casually asked if she would do him a favor and go up and see James for a bit, since it would make him feel better. Evans had shoved him off her, snarled at him never to touch her again and had levitated him and throw him clear down the hall, dousing him in cold water—to deflate his ego she said—before leaving him there. She had been so glad that Sev had taught her how to levitate heavy objects.

Now Black was just as humiliated as his best friend and he decided to try and make up for it by picking on a target he knew would never fight back or try to defend himself once he was overrun.

That was how Severus had suddenly felt a stunner hit him square in the back as he was walking up to the library. He had been ennervated a while later to find himself stripped to his underwear and glued to the wall in a distant part of the school. Of course, being a distant part of the school only meant that no teachers would come by to help him. Of course Black had invited the whole student body to watch and help, including a certain James Potter. They had spent half an hour insulting him, shooting various hexes at him and humiliating him. He had nearly come close to tears but he had bit down on his lip and refused to cry and suffered through it silently and without uttering a word.

It was actually Gabby who had been attracted by the noise and then quickly ran off to find Gorgon and Evans. Evans had shoved her way to the front of the crowd, eyes sparking with anger, but Severus had shot her a sharp look and she had nearly started screaming at everyone, but then bit her lip and disappeared into the crowd.

After another ten minutes and watching him choke on mouthfuls of sparkling pink bubbles as Potter attempted to ‘teach our dear friend Snivelly some manners and clean his mouth out for him’, Lupin quietly muttered that he had had enough and it wasn’t funny anymore. Potter and Black’s faces had fallen considerably, but they had shrugged and then sauntered away, laughing and their arms around some slutty sixth year Gryffindors who were laughing and fawning all over them.

Lupin had pretended to tie his shoes while the crowd dispersed and then stood up and was about to release Severus when Severus glared at him and hissed at him not to touch him.

Lupin had sighed quietly and said he was only trying to help.

Severus glared back and gathered some leftover pink bubbles in his mouth and then spat at him.

Lupin flinched back and then stared at Severus with a sad expression in his eyes before turning and following his friends.

Moments later, Gorgon, Fawkes and Evans ran up to him from where they had been hiding behind a statue. Severus had snarled at them not to say a word if they wanted to keep their voices intact. So they had quietly freed him, conjured up a new robe for him and sent Fawkes off in search of his wand, which had been somehow taken from him while he was stunned—which Fawkes found chained to the wall in the prefect’s bathroom, the wand sparking with rage and nearly tearing the chains out of the walls in an effort to get back to its master—and then quietly followed him down to his room where Severus slammed the door in their faces and fell onto his bed, burying his burning face in his pillows.

Evans angrily glared into her butterbeer, hating herself for having brought it up. She didn’t only despise the two slutty pigs for having humiliated her best friend like that, but she had actually started to think that Potter was improving a bit. He had been involved with that nice Ravenclaw fifth year for about three months and Potter’s fat head seemed to have deflated a bit and he was being nicer and more considerate to his fellow students—and had been ignoring Sev—which had lead Evans to believe that maybe he did have the potential to change. But then he had to go and screw it up again. She wasn’t too sure why she cared if the arrogant git had any potential to change, but she never examined that feeling within her too closely. It scared her too much.

Glancing up at her quiet friend, she firmly pushed thoughts of James Potter and Sirius Black out of her head.

“So, mind telling me why you skipped your career consultation with Professor Bodin? Professor McGonagall asked me about it during mine.”

Severus raised an interested eyebrow. “How did it go?”

Lily immediately brightened up, remembering her interview. She had been scared to death about what Professor McGonagall would say if she found out about her career ambitions—which only Sev and Gorgon had known about until then—but at the end, her interview went exceptionally well.

“Well, she said the same junk you and Gorgon always say. How it’ll take a lot of work but I have the potential and I’ve improved enough in the past two years to really have a chance. Then she talked about Auror Training at the ministry. Did you know the training only takes half a year?”

Severus sipped his butterbeer. “No. Really?”

“Uh huh. Training usually takes about a year, but with the war going on the ministry wants to churn out as many trained Aurors as possible so they’ve opened a special program. It starts right after graduation at the beginning of July and goes until December and then exams are in January. Just imagine, Sev! I could be an Auror by the time I’m eighteen!” she whispered, casting a careful look around her since this crowd wasn’t exactly a ministry loving crowd. She was so excited that her eyes were sparkling.

Severus gave her a smile and nodded. “That’s not too bad, then. If you just keep your nose at the grindstone and force yourself through the training then you’ll be there.” But then he gave her a stern look. “But I want you to forget about Auror training for now. You’ve got to pass your OWLs first, and then you have to pass your NEWTs. You’ve got to remember your priorities, Evans,” He lectured.

Lily rolled her eyes. “I know that! You and Gorgon have been relentlessly pounding that into my head for the past year.” She took a huge gulp of her butterbeer. “Anyway, you very delicately and discreetly forgot about answering my question. Why did you skip your interview?”

Severus shrugged and avoided her glare. “I just didn’t see the point in going. I have no idea what I want to do after we graduate and I didn’t want to go and sit in a room with Bodin for half an hour trying to get that through his thick skull. He’d probably start crying and I’d feel horrible. I always make that man cry.” He muttered.

Evans snorted with laughter. “Yeah, well, it doesn’t take much.”

“He should really marry Myrtle, you know. They’d be perfect for each other.”

“Asides from the fact that he’s gay?”

“That’s just a minor inconvenience.”

“Sev, you’re straying from the subject again. You’re horrible.”

“Do you want your hair to stay the way it is, Evans?”

“You git! Just get back to talking and leave my bloody hair alone.”

“You want your hair bloody, huh?”

“Sev, I will kick you right where it hurts and you’ll walk hunched over for the rest of your life if you don’t start talking.”

Severus sighed with annoyance. “Evans, there isn’t anything else to tell. I don’t have a bloody clue what I want to do once I graduate.”

“Sev, you’re a genius. You could do anything you wanted. You could a herbologist, an astronomer, or—or work in an apothecary! You’re a potion fanatic, Sev! That would be awesome! Or you could work at the ministry! The department of magical research is supposed to be awesome, Sev. Full of brilliant people like you and all of them loving to muddle around with magic! It’s everything you’ve ever dreamed of.”

Severus snorted. “Evans, I will never work for the ministry.”

“And why the hell not?”

“I could never live with all those damn regulations they have. It would be horrid.”

Evans scowled. “Alright fine, but then—then what about becoming an Auror? Sev! We could work together!” She had grown excited again, shifting around on her chair.

Severus snorted again and shifted around uncomfortably. “Evans, forget about it. I’ll never be an Auror.”

“Sev! Don’t be a git! You’re the smartest person I know. The training would be a breeze for you and you’d be such a damn good Auror. You’ve got the right head for it.”

“Evans, I’m not doing anything that requires me to wear colorful robes.”

“They’re blue robes!”

He raised his glass towards her. “Precisely.”

Evans scowled. “So you don’t have a bloody clue what you want to do, all you know is that you want to have a job where you can wear your horrid black robes and be covered in black from head to toe.”

Severus chuckled and nodded. “Evans, you understand things remarkably well at times.”

She scowled and shot him a rueful smile before lifting her glass. “Here’s to us surviving OWLs and living to graduate.” She said.

Severus nodded and they clinked their glasses together and drained the rest of their butterbeer.

 

**Jan. 13th, 1976**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus slowly picked up his textbook and scattered piles of parchment and stuffed them into his bag. As his hands went to pick up his quill, he glanced at the Transfiguration doorway out of the corner of his eye and mentally sighed. Lissandra Kaybourne was still standing there, smiling and quietly talking to Tara Gibbons. Why the hell did they have to be standing in the doorway? Why couldn’t they move off and socialize somewhere else, like the Ravenclaw towers for instance? Wasn’t that what common rooms were there for? He grit his teeth. There was no way he was going to walk past them now. Gibbons would glare at him and wrinkle her nose, but that wasn’t what worried him. Lisa would probably give him that tiny smile, her blue eyes shining slightly with their little secret. And Severus knew exactly what would happen. He’d freeze and blush a brilliant red and then stand there, gaping at her, unable to move or say a word. Then she’d frown in confusion and chuckle slightly before walking away, probably reassured in her belief that he was a freak.

No, there was no way he was going any closer to her than he presently was. He glanced around the classroom and saw Evans quietly talking to Professor McGonagall, pointing at a diagram on the board and asking some questions.

That’s it! He’d simply wait for Evans to finish up. Of course they wouldn’t talk to each other as they left the classroom, but if he slipped out right beside her, hopefully Lisa and Gibbons would start talking to her and he’d slip out—blushing and tongue tied but hopefully unnoticed.

Shuffling papers around, he anxiously waited for Evans to finish talking. Just when he was about to casually walk up to the front and hiss that they had to go, he heard Gibbons and Lissandra yelling bye to each other and parting. He casually turned around and bent down to pick up his bag as he watched them leave.

Lissandra spun around and accidently collided with a second year Hufflepuff. Gasping, she accidently dropped her armful of books on the floor. Severus glared at the Hufflepuff. Clumsy git. He had been about to rush over and help her pick up her things, but the very thought made him freeze and blush. What if she said something to him? What if she thanked him and smiled at him? What on earth would he do? Or say? He’d probably just stand there, gaping and blushing like an idiot.

While he berated himself for being such a whimp, Lisa finished picking up her belongings and hurried out of the classroom. Just then, Evans finished asking her questions and swung her bag over her shoulder.

Going over to him, she sighed, muttering something about Transfiguration being a nightmare and she wished they were back in the days when they were transfiguring needles into pencils.

Severus rolled his eyes and picked up his bag and they headed out the door, nodding to Professor McGonagall on their way out. Just before they stepped through the door, Severus caught sight of a dark blue quill lying on the floor. He immediately recognized it as being Lisa’s quill. He’d stared at her often enough in class to know that this was one of her favourite quills. It had been a present from her brother when she’d started at Hogwarts—as Evans had informed him when he made a casual comment about it a few months ago. Without thinking, he picked it up.

Evans stopped talking and frowned. “Hey! Isn’t that Lisa’s quill?”

Severus nodded. “Yeah. She must have dropped it when all her stuff went flying a few minutes ago.”

Evans glanced up and down the deserted hallway. She nodded her chin towards the far stairway.

“There she is! She’s going up to the astronomy towers! Hurry up, Sev! Run after her and give it back! This will be the perfect opportunity for you two to talk! Come on! Hurry up! She’s nearly out of the sight!” she whispered excitedly, pushing him down the hallway.

Severus stared at her as if she had sprouted two heads. With horrified eyes, he gaped at her.

“You want me to what?”

Evans sighed loudly and rolled her eyes. “Sev, it doesn’t take that much courage or talent! Just run after her, say ‘here, you dropped this’ and she’ll say ‘thanks’ and smile and then you can say what a pretty quill it is—”

“No, I can’t!”

“What do you mean you can’t? You just move your legs and open your mouth! Sev! It’s ridiculous, I mean, how long have you had a crush on her? Hm, let’s think back, uhm, oh, that’s right, the middle of third year! And what are we in now, hm? Oh, yes, half way through fifth year! Sev, you have to make your move at some point!”

“Evans, you don’t understand! I’ll just freeze up and gape at her like an idiot and blush and she’ll think I’m a freak!”

“Sev, you’re such a whimp! Just take a deep breath and do it! We both know she’s really nice and she likes you!”

“How the hell do you know that?”

“Come on, do you know any other Ravenclaw who smiles at a Slytherin whenever she sees him? Huh? Do you?”

“Well, no, but—”

“You see? All the pieces are here, you just have to put the first two together! It’s so easy, just go and do it!”

Severus stared down the hallway, a shiver of excitement and fear running down his spine. For a moment—for an infinitesimally small moment—he thought he’d actually do it. He’d even had an image in his mind of him and Lisa walking down the hall, discussing different quills they’ve owned. He even imagined telling her about the nice silver and green quill the headmaster had bought him for christmas a few years ago. But just as quickly as his fleeting moment of bravery had come, it evaporated just as quickly. No, he couldn’t do it. He’d either stand there, not able to say anything and blushing furiously and she’d stalk off, annoyed at him, or she’d laugh at him, call him a freak and never smile at him again.

He chewed on his lip and stared at Evans, who was staring at him with wide, excited eyes. His gaze dropped to the floor.

“I’m sorry, Evans. I just can’t.” he said quietly.

Evans looked like she’d launch into another argument about it, but then her eyes dulled and she sighed sadly.

“Oh, Sev,” She muttered, shaking her head. They stood there without speaking for a few moments before Severus glanced at the quill in his hands.

Levitating it with his hands, he quietly waved it down the hallway and directed it up the stairs.

He waited until he felt someone grabbing hold of the quill and breaking his magical bond with it before he let it go.

“There,” he said quietly. “She’s got her quill back.”

Evans sighed. “You’re such a git.”

Severus echoed her sigh and stared down the hallway. Without another word, he turned and walked down the hallway, firmly shutting away those few shreds of fantasy in which he and Lisa had actually had a nice, small conversation and she’d smiled at him and thought he was a nice person.

 

**May 31st, 1976**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus dragged himself into his room and collapsed on his bed, utterly exhausted. He heard the pattering of feet coming up to him and felt someone sit beside him with a sigh.

“Well, at least we done now, young master. Now can stop worrying about them.” Gorgon said, stretching.

Severus grunted in response, too mentally exhausted to formulate anything remotely articulate. OWLs were finally over. He had just finished his herbology practical exam which had been the last one out of the batch. He frowned as he tried to remember if Evans still had to write her potions, but then remembered she’d done her potions the day before.

He let out a slow sigh, feeling the pent up worry and anxiety he had carted around with him for the past few months slowly draining out of him.

It had been pure hell. As OWLs had crept closer, Gorgon started forcing the two of them to spend every night reviewing and practicing something. He didn’t care if they were drinking butterbeer in the kitchen at two in the morning as long as they were practicing summoning charms and vanishing spells on the cups or elves or anything else which caught their eye. He allowed them one night a week to go and ride their thestrals, but along the way, they had to stop a few times and point out the constellations they could glimpse in the night sky and identify any plants they stumbled across.

For the rest of the week, they sat in Severus’ room, textbooks propped open all over the place, wands held out and sending spells flying all over the place, while Gorgon yelled different spells at them and from time to time asked them a theoretical question such as the names of Jupiter’s moons or the date the new position of Minister of Magic first came into existence. Severus got Professor Bodin’s permission to use the potions classroom—under strict supervision from Gorgon and Fawkes of course—so he could supervise, yell and lecture Evans on how to properly make every potion she could possibly encounter on her potions OWL. It took months, but finally, Evans always held her wand correctly, enunciated incantations properly and used her magic efficiently and properly. Gorgon had proudly declared that ‘Miss Lily’ had come a very long way and had improved considerably and he had no doubt that she’d pass her OWLs.

As OWLs drew closer, a change occurred between the two friends. Evans seemed to calm down when she realized she really knew everything backwards and forwards and could feel her confidence in her bones. On the other hand, Severus’ confidence faded with each passing day and his anxiety levels grew. He forgot all about eating and sleeping and even talking as he spent every day with his nose stuck in a textbook, reading and re-reading even the smallest passage until he knew it like the back of his hand. He practiced every spell he could think of so many times in his room that Gorgon always sneezed and felt the sharp snap of magic running across his skin whenever he entered the small room which had become clogged with magic. Fawkes and Gorgon both tried to convince him that he was trying too hard and that he could slow down and still pass no problem, but he ignored them. When Evans tried to actually rip a book out of his hand so she could ask him a question, he glared at her and his wand shot an involuntary spark at her which sent her scampering backwards with a yell. Finally, they decided to let him be and brought food down for him to eat from time to time and dragged him up for classes. Fawkes had talked to the headmaster about his young friend’s inability to let himself take it easy for even a minute so the headmaster had called the teenager up to his office and tried to engage him in some inconsequential chatter. But Severus had merely stared at the floor, nodding from time to time and agreeing with whatever the headmaster said. When Dumbledore had pried a bit and snuck into his mind, he wasn’t surprised to see spells, historical facts, theories, names of plants and constellations and magical creatures racing through his mind, endlessly repeating themselves lest he forget them.

But now, it was all over. Gorgon felt the tension and fear draining out of his young master.

“Is it really over, Gorgon?” he muttered in Elfish into his pillow.

His elf smiled. “Yes, it’s over. Now we just have to wait until July to get results. But until then, young master must promise not to think about OWLs. Had enough stress.” The elf said in gentle Elfish.

Severus chuckled weakly and then sighed again. “Have you seen Evans?”

“She saying something about going down to Hogsmeade with Miss Kiana and Miss Margie and a few others. Celebrations, she says.”

Severus nodded, having expected this. Every year after exams were done, Evans went down to Hogsmeade with the majority of her friends to go and sit in the Three Broomsticks and celebrate the ending of another school year.

Severus had been a bit worried that his friend would still be upset with him for having called her a mudblood. But it wasn’t like he had had a choice. Potter and Black had been up to their usual pathetic, stupid antics and had levitated him upside down in the air, putting his legs and underwear on display for the whole school to see. Well, it wasn’t like they hadn’t seen those before, but it still angered and humiliated him.

He had fought desperately to yank his robes back over his legs or mentally scream at his wand to fly up to him, but neither worked and he was left hanging, exposed and humiliated.

That had been when Evans had rushed up, yelling and letting Potter have it. They’d yelled at each other for a bit, Severus not having paid a bit of attention and instead focusing all his energy into trying to overcome the spell keeping him suspended in the air. Suddenly, he felt the spell releasing him and he landed in a sprawled heap on the ground. He shoved himself up, his humiliation turning into anger.

He had told Evans over and over again not to interfere. He wouldn’t risk her reputation and her friendships with other people just because he didn’t like being humiliated. Blushing slightly when he heard the sniggers around him, he threw them all a scathing glare and then hissed at Evans that he didn’t need a mudblood’s help. He’d hoped that comment would make her regain her common sense and leave before people started asking her awkward questions.

Well, she did leave. Not before rubbing Potter’s nose in the dirt first, which Severus appreciated greatly—but only grew to regret two seconds after Evans’ back was turned and he found himself hanging upside down one more time. He felt tears brimming his eyes as he clenched his jaw and forced himself not to hear the laughter and the jeers. When Black managed to take his underwear off though, he fought so hard to cover himself that he felt the magical binds around him twisting and tightening and he started having difficulty breathing. It was actually Lupin who glanced up from his book long enough to quietly say that he’d hurt himself if they kept it up. Black had scoffed at that and said he deserved to hurt himself, but Potter had frowned slightly and then sighed and released the spell. Severus landed in a heap on the ground, quickly yanking his robes down around himself, blushing madly and biting his lip to keep from crying. Without another thought, he grabbed his stupid wand and ran off to his room. He wasn’t at all surprised when he found Evans waiting for him, letting loose a screaming fit at having been called a mudblood and at not letting her stand up for him. She only stopped when she saw how close to tears he was. Immediately, she cursed Potter and Black, swore to kill them both and then dragged him up to the kitchen to make him a cup of hot chocolate to make him feel better.

 

*             *             *

 

Slowly pushing himself up, he stretched. He glanced at his elf. “Well, what do you want to do to celebrate?” he asked.

His elf shrugged. “They were young masters exams, not Gorgy’s. It young masters choice.”

Severus bit his lip, wondering what he should do until Evans came back. He had been neglecting a lot of people since he started worrying about OWLs.

After thinking it over, he decided that he’d go and play chess with the Bloody Baron once the summer started. Now, he felt like going upstairs and seeing the headmaster.

So he and Gorgon scampered up the chute and walked up to the headmaster’s office. When they poked their heads in, they were surprised to see Gabby and Myrtle sitting on the couch with the headmaster, a story book propped up on the old wizards lap. Gabby was slowly putting together the words of the story and reading to the other two while Myrtle and the headmaster paid careful attention. Severus and Gorgon shifted around by the door and waited patiently until Gabby had finished reading her part—letting out a little squeal and clap at the end. Then the headmaster glanced up.

“Ah, there you two are! I was wondering when you’d come and pop by. Do come and sit down. There’s lots of room.”

He waved his hand at the couch they were sitting on and the couch obediently lengthened itself. Gorgon went and sat beside Gabby while Severus went and sat beside Myrtle, who grinned at him and told him she’d poked her head into the Great Hall while they were writing their OWLs and had always whispered good luck to him before they started. Severus rolled his eyes but thanked her none the less.

The headmaster had also enlarged the book so they could all see it. “Now, I realize the material in here might be a bit too easy for the two of you, but that should be a welcome break from the previous few weeks of material you’ve been reading, hm? Besides, it’s really a lovely story. We’ve been enjoying it tremendously, haven’t we?”

Myrtle and Gabby both nodded eagerly before they launched into an explanation of what had happened so far in the story, their words cascading over each other.

Finally caught up, Severus nodded and said he could go first if nobody minded. So the headmaster tilted the book so he could read it and he quietly started reading as the other people on the couch paid careful attention. Severus found his mind far away from the school and the fact that everybody else his age was celebrating the ending of another school year with dozens of their friends.

He was perfectly content sitting with his own friends—however eclectic and strange they might be—and the headmaster, reading a story book.

 

**July 12th, 1976**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Lily and Severus snuck down the dark corridor, carefully keeping close to the walls and keeping a sharp look out for Mrs. Norris or Mr. Filch. Gorgon and Gabby crept behind them, Gorgon keeping one hand entangled in his young master’s robes.

Lily came to a corner and stopped, the other three coming to an automatic stop behind her. She carefully pulled out a small disk from her robe pocket and opened the small, magically charmed compact mirror. Carefully pointing it around the corner, she quickly pulled it back and looked into the frozen image of the empty corridor captured in the mirror. The coast was clear.

Nodding, she crept around the corner and they kept going.

They finally reached the girl’s bathroom at the end of the corridor and Severus stuck his head inside.

“Myrtle! Come on, let’s go already!” he whispered impatiently. Instantly, the vapory girl came floating out of her stall, apologizing in a whisper for being late. She drifted out the door, following the small group as they snuck towards the stairs leading up to the astronomy towers.

Without a word, they came to a stop at the foot of the stairs. Severus pulled his wand out and muttered a hex-revealing charm at the stairs. Instantly, the charmed trick stairs started glowing in a dull red color. The silent group quietly snuck up the stairs, carefully stepping over the glowing red ones.

Reaching the astronomy tower, they went to the window which looked over the peaked rooftops of the corridors twisting away from the tower and the lower floors. Gorgon stepped up and waved his hand at the glass, instantly making it disappear. Then Lily and Severus lifted up the two elves, who climbed out the window and quickly scampered along the peak of the rooftop, making their way along the tiny edge as if it was a sidewalk. Then Severus and Lily climbed through and carefully started walking along the rooftop, making sure not to look down and notice that they were a good seven or eight floors above the ground. They both kept their wands between their two index fingers and kept themselves partially levitated for safety. Myrtle quietly floated behind them. The headmaster had long ago placed a charm on all the ghosts, allowing them to roam outside the castle walls but not past the heavily reinforced wards surrounding the grounds.

The four—technically five—people carefully balanced themselves as they slowly walked along the winding rooftop, occasionally climbing onto an adjacent one or hopping off the edge of one and onto another.

Finally, they reached a flat, wide ledge which was actually the roof over one of the storage rooms in the upper floor. Reaching it, they all breathed out sighs of relief.

“Are you sure you left them in the right place?” Severus asked, not bothering to whisper. Not only was it summer vacation and there weren’t any students roaming around anyway, but nobody would have any reason to be outside or in the room they were sitting on.

Evans rolled her eyes as they all walked to the edge of the ledge and peered over. “Of course I did, git.”

Severus squinted and could barely make out the shape of two cardboard boxes lying on the ground eight floors below them, carefully concealed behind clumps of bushes. He nodded and glanced around himself.

“Alright, everyone. Gabby and I will do one and Gorgon and Evans will do the other. Now remember, if anybody breaks the connection, the box will fall and everything will smash to pieces and that person will find themselves hanging off this ledge by their ears.”

Gabby squealed in horror and clapped her hands over her ears and Evans laughed while Myrtle looked horrified and Gorgon smirked.

All four of them leaned over the edge as far as they dared and Severus and Lily pulled out their wands, carefully pointing at their respective boxes. Gorgon and Gabby held out their fingers and also pointed.

“Alright, on the count of three. One, two, three—Accio, box!” The charm came out of four mouths—well five, Myrtle tried to be helpful and also say it—and all eyes stared at the rising boxes, carefully watching their ascent.

None of them dared to even breathe and Myrtle kept her hands over her mouth to keep from crying from worry and anxiety.

Finally, the boxes rose up to their eye level. Lily and Severus kept a tight hold on their connection with the boxes while the two elves eagerly grabbed them and gently set them onto the ledge, squealing and grinning with excitement.

Lily grinned. “We did it!”

Eager hands immediately tore open the boxes and the four bottles of firewhisky and four bottles of Muggle beer were pulled out, distributed evenly and grinned over.

Gorgon gave Lily a bow. “Miss Lily is genius.”

She snorted. “Nah. It was easy sneaking the beer from my parents when I went home a week ago before they left for Spain and Daniel Ruffkins bought the firewhisky for me from Hogsmeade before school ended.”

They all sat down and leaned against a raised portion of the roof behind them, making themselves comfortable.

“Ruffkins, isn’t that the git in seventh year who just graduated?”

“Uh huh.” She busied herself with tapping the tops of her two bottles with her wand and watching as the caps popped off.

Gabby was staring in amazement at the sparkling liquid within her beer bottle, sighing happily.

“Oh, Gabby is such happy elf now. Gabby missed her drink.”

Gorgon chuckled while Lily raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me, Gabby. You’re a closet alcoholic,” She pretended to gasp.

Severus burst out laughing, nearly spitting out a mouthful of whisky.

Gabby laughed and wildly shook her head, the colorful ribbons in her ears swinging madly around. “No, Gabby no alcoholic! Gabby’s old mistress always give her drinks.”

Severus snorted at that. Anybody else would have been shocked to find out that anybody would supply their elves with alcoholic beverages, but considering that her mistress had been the owner of a brothel, it wasn’t that surprising.

They continued chattering and laughing and drinking until suddenly, a bright silver flash in front of them nearly blinded them all.

“ _What in the name of Merlin are you all doing?! This is entirely inappropriate! I don’t care if it’s summer vacation but this behavior is entirely unacceptable! Do you hear me? Unacceptable_!”

Severus winced at the loud screeching in his mind, which nobody else could hear.

He wearily scowled at the phoenix, who had landed with a flutter of enraged wings beside the empty boxes.

“Bird, if you would just calm down for a minute—”

“ _I will not calm down! This is entirely unacceptable behavior! How do you think this looks_?”

Severus sighed. “To who, bird? There’s nobody here except a few teachers and us—”

“ _I couldn’t care less! Just to think that you were behaving so properly and just like ideal ladies and gentlemen a few weeks ago, and then OWL results come in and then—boom!—the manners and proper behavior go out the window_!”

“Uhm, Mister Fawkes, I know that yelling at Sev is very satisfying, but if I could make a

point—”

“ _Tell Miss Evans I don’t care to hear any excuses_.”

Severus took another sip and glanced at Evans with a smirk. “He wants you to shut up.”

Evans’ jaw dropped and she stared at the bird. “But Mister Fawkes—”

The rest of what Evans was trying to say was lost as Severus was drowned in more mental screeching.

“ _Tell Miss Evans that I expected much better from someone who got solid E’s and O’s on her OWLs—Divinations and Potions not withstanding—and from someone who is going to be a future Auror! This is no way to behave_!”

Severus sighed. “The bird wants you to know that Aurors are always saints.”

Evans snorted and was about to make a comment when Fawkes resumed his tirade.

“ _And tell Gorgon that I expected much more from someone his age and position in the school_.”

“Elf?”

“Yes, young master?”

“The bird wants you to know that you’re old and feeble and shouldn’t drink anymore.”

“ _Severus! That is not what I said! I demand that you immediately tell him_ —”

But Fawkes trailed off when he realized the five people sitting before him were laughing hysterically—partially from the alcohol and partially because they knew the phoenix was getting irritated.

“Bird, did I ever mention how bloody hilarious you are?” Severus asked, gasping for breath.

Fawkes glared at him with his beady black eyes. “ _No, and I don’t care to know. You will cease this juvenile behavior at once and bring these bottles to Mr Filch and report to the headmaster for punishment_.”

Severus frowned as if he was seriously doing it, before sighing. “No, I’m afraid I can’t do that, bird.”

“ _What? What do you mean you can’t? It’s simple. You just go back downstairs and_ —”

“No, I mean that I can’t do this because we’ve been planning this for months and you’re not going to wreck it with your prissiness.”

As the bird ruffled his feathers and was about to launch into another tantrum, Gorgon quickly stepped in.

“And young master and Miss Lily worked so very hard on OWLs and did so well—” he pointed at the two grinning teenagers. “Young master got ten outstanding OWLs and Miss Lily got E’s and O’s in everything—disregarding potions and divinations, as Master Fawkes said earlier—and they both deserve treat.”

Gabby nodded eagerly. “Uh huh, they work so very hard and Gabby and Gorgon helped them practice so we deserve treat too.”

Fawkes glared at them. “ _And what about Myrtle? She’s too young to be around alcohol_.”

Severus snorted with laughter. “Bird, Myrtle is over forty years old. The only one among us who is older than her is Gorgon.”

Myrtle eagerly nodded and giggled, saying that that much was true.

Fawkes started to fidget, sensing that his well thought out arguments were all about to be shot down.

“ _Alright, but what about school policy? You’re breaking an enormous number of_ —”

“It’s summer time, bird. That means school rules don’t apply.”

Fawkes glared. “And what about what everybody thinks?”

“Bird, we’ve been over this. There’s nobody here. Besides, we won’t go stumbling like drunk nutters around the corridors and make a scene.”

Evans snorted. “Although that would be funny.”

Fawkes glared around at the five of them before sighing. “ _Alright, fine. Do whatever the hell you want_.”

Severus stared at him with mock horror. “Did you just swear, Fawkes?”

Fawkes shifted around. “ _Yes, I did. I chalk it up to Miss Evans’ horrible language. It’s a bad influence_.”

Severus laughed. “Uh huh. Sure, bird.”

Fawkes watched them talking, laughing and drinking a bit longer before he sighed and decided that he might as well stay and keep an eye on them.

They all lay down on their backs on the rooftop, sipping their drinks and quietly talking as they stared at the stars twinkling above them.

 

**Sept. 19th, 1976**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus madly flew across the floor of the empty classroom towards the fireplace, the letter clutched tightly to his chest. He threw himself into the grate and slid headfirst down the chute and then ran to his room, yelling for his elf.

Gorgon glanced up from where he sat perched on his young master’s desk, leafing through a pamphlet of potion NEWT requirements which Professor Bodin had handed out the previous day.

“Is young master alright?” Gorgon asked, worry immediately clouding his eyes.

Severus scowled and waved away his elf’s worry and madly gasped for breath, waving the letter under Gorgon’s nose.

“I—got—it—elf! The—headmaster—got—the—letter—today!” he gasped out.

Gorgon’s breath caught and his eyes widened. “Young master got it?” he asked in a whisper, hardly allowing himself to breathe, least he suddenly wake up and discover this  was just a dream.

Severus was nodding, his eyes shining and a small smile on his face. He held out the letter.

“Read it, elf. I could hardly read the first two sentences, my hands were shaking too badly. I still hardly believe it. It can’t be true, can it, elf? I can’t have gotten it, could I?”

His elf gently took the small letter and smoothed it out and quietly read the important parts outloud.

“We are pleased to announce that you have become one of the five chosen applicants of this year’s ‘Fannus Dingle Scholarship for Academic Excellence’. As you undoubtly know, the Ministry of Magic only offers this scholarship once every five years and then selects the five most outstanding, intelligent and hard working individuals to be the potential winners of this prestigious award out of thousands of applicants. Once more, we extend our most impressed congratulations for such an achievement.

Please take note that having passed the preliminary screening does not ensure you will be receiving the scholarship or the ajoined apprenticeship with the Department of Magical Research. All applicants must maintain a level of academic excellence and outstanding displays of citizenship throughout their last two years of school and upon receiving all applicants NEWT results, the final decision regarding the five applicants will be made. These finalists will receive a sum of 25,000 Galleons each, in addition to an all expense paid two year apprenticeship in the Department of Magical Research (specific divisions of study will be chosen by the finalists at a later date) under Dr. Jamie Shillers and Dr. Gora Polars. Once more, we offer our congratulations and the best of luck in your final two years of school.”

Utter silence filled the small room as Gorgon slowly lifted his eyes from the letter and gently laid it on the table. Severus was staring at his elf with huge eyes, still hardly daring to believe his ears. Thousands of people from all over Britain had applied for that award. Thousands. And they’d picked him. Out of thousands. Him and four other people.

Gorgon stared at his young master and forced himself not to start hyperventilating.

“Well, young master got it. Young master did it.” He said quietly. Severus nodded slowly, both of them staring at each other.

Finally, the silence snapped and Gorgon burst into tears, jumped onto the table and leapt onto his young master, hugging his neck and sobbing wildly.

“Oh, Gorgy knew young master could do it! Knew young master should apply even  though young master convinced he couldn’t do it, and now, look! Young master so brilliant and other people sees it too! Oh, other people sees it too!” he sobbed.

Severus hugged his elf tightly, still slightly shaking. “Yeah, elf. I did it.” He whispered in a shaky voice, still in shock. Thousands of people!

Finally, Gorgon released his young master and wiped his tears off his cheeks and gently smoothed his young master’s hair out of his face and laid a gentle hand on his cheek, still sniffling and his eyes shining with pride.

“Oh, Gorgy so proud! So proud!”

Severus smiled at him. “I couldn’t have done it without you, elf. You know that.”

That brought on another burts of tears from the old elf, who hugged his young master again, praising him and muttering about how proud he was.

Severus quietly hugged his elf, finally letting a small, proud smile cover his face too. Only when Gorgon had calmed down did he leap off the table and start pulling Severus towards the door so they could go to the kitchen and tell everyone. Ignoring the horrified looks Severus threw him and the hushed demands that they do no such thing, Gorgon dragged him up into the kitchen and then stood on the table so he could tell everyone.

Moments later, Severus was engulfed by tears and laughter and congratulations. Sir Nick nodded and congratulated him half a dozen times, Myrtle cried, the Bloody Baron gave him a curt nod and said he was glad those ministry gits could see a good thing when it came by, Gabby burst into tears and squealed so loudly that she nearly fainted, Rudy hugged Severus’ knees so tightly that he nearly fell over and Fawkes appeared with a brilliant silver flash, congratulating him and not complaining about the noise and the inappropriate behavior being displayed in the kitchen. Lastly, Lily came sweeping into the kitchen for a cup of hot chocolate and as soon as she heard, she shrieked, dropped her cup onto the floor—where it shattered—and then grabbed Severus in a bone crushing hug, telling him how proud she was of him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Oct. 2nd, 1976**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Lily quietly snuck up the stairs to the owlery, neatly stepping over the glowing red ones—she was always so happy with herself for paying attention when Sev used a bit of his enormous arsenal of magical knowledge—and made her way up the winding stairs. Pushing open the door, she immediately smelt the strong smell of owls, straw and bird droppings. Wrinkling her nose slightly, she stepped inside, the card she had written to her mother clutched in her hands. She bit her lip as she made her way to the rows of cubby holes lining the wall and softly asked one of the owls to please volunteer to fly a letter for her. Although a majority of them glared at her—this being the middle of the night and all—one of them hooted in resignation. Lily smiled and quietly thanked it as she tied the small birthday card to its leg and then carried it to the window. Opening it, she told the owl where to go and that her father would let her in and would be sure to give her one of the owl treats she had told him about. She apologized but then asked if the owl could please hurry because her mother’s birthday was only a few hours away. The owl hooted softly and nodded and quickly flew off.

It was only when she turned around that she noticed there was somebody else here. A few years ago she would have never notice the sudden shift in the shadows, but Sev’s paranoia had rubbed off on her and she’d unconsciously adopted some of his habits.

She frowned, sure she’d seen a darkly cloaked figure trying to squish itself behind the last row of owl cubbies. She was about to call out to see who it was when she realized she hadn’t yanked her wand out yet and she wasn’t armed. Rolling her eyes at her own stupidity and hearing Sev and Gorgon yelling at her in her head, she yanked her wand out and held it towards the figure.

“Who’s there?”

The person didn’t respond as if they thought she would be stupid enough to dismiss them and let them go. Never turn your back on something strange until you’ve identified it and dismissed it as a possible threat. Gorgon had nailed that into her head a million times before letting her and Sev go out into the forest to go riding on their own.

She took a step closer. “I’m not stupid or blind. I can see you and unless you identify yourself, I’ll fire.”

Sensing that she was serious, the figure finally stepped out of the shadows, hands slightly held up defensively.

“Alright, alright! Keep your hair on, Evans. I never meant you any harm.”

Lily stared, eyes wide. It was James Potter.

“Potter?! What the hell are you doing up here at this time of night?” she demanded, not having lowered her wand.

He shrugged casually with that air of irritating indifference around him that always drove Evans into a rage. “Not much.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Don’t you dare be an arrogant shit, Potter! What stupid prank were you trying to pull, huh? Is Black waiting at the bottom of the stairs or something to do something to me while you distract me, huh?” she demanded, eyes sparking with cool hatred and suspicion.

Potter frowned. “Evans, what’s with this paranoia? Sirius isn’t even here. He’s in bed, just like everybody else except for you and me. I don’t have anything planned.”

She narrowed her eyes, judging him for his sincerity. She knew he must be confused as to why she was so paranoid, since he’d never pulled anything on her, but she knew how many times Sev had been caught unaware by the arrogant bully and she didn’t want to fall into the same trap.

“You better not be lying to me or you’ll be hanging from the window ledge by your ear.” She said, quietly thanking Sev for the arsenal of useful threats he’d given her over the years.

Potter widened his eyes innocently and held up his hands again. “Honestly, Evans. I’m here by myself and I’m not up to anything stupid. I swear.”

Narrowing her eyes at him one more time, she slowly put her wand down. “Alright, in that case, what the bloody hell are you doing here anyway?”

He shrugged again and tried to smile casually. She narrowed her eyes. “Don’t try that casual shit on me, Potter. I know you. You wouldn’t be up here for no reason and if it’s not to pull something then I want to know why you’re here.”

The smile slid off his face and he tilted his head at her, staring at her intently. She raised her chin slightly, letting him know that he couldn’t just sweet talk his way out of this.

He smiled, looking a bit sad. “You’ve never taken any of my crap, have you?” he asked softly.

She frowned slightly, not having expected this. Slightly confused, she decided to get defensive.

“If you mean that I was never as easy as the rest of those stupid sluts you’re always screwing around with, then no. But I don’t see how that explains why you’re here.”

He winced, looking slightly hurt at the sharp comment, but Lily didn’t apologize. The arrogant toad deserved everything he got.

He stared down at the floor and then walked past her and leaned against one of the window ledges, staring outside.

She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms, still waiting for an answer. “So? I’m waiting.”

He sighed softly. “I just wanted to be alone.”

Evans smirked. “Aw, poor little Potter can’t stand his fame anymore. What? You need breathing room from the dozens of adoring fans who hang all over you, huh?”

He winced again but didn’t retort a sharp answer. Instead, he sighed again. “Evans, I came here to be alone and the reasons behind it have nothing to do with you so I’d appreciate it if you finished whatever crap you have to do here and then left me the fuck alone.”

Evans raised her eyebrows slightly. If he was lying, then he was putting a lot of effort into it. Besides, being angry and defensive while lying was more Sev’s style. Potter tended to get casual and arrogant when lying. This wasn’t being casual and arrogant.

She took a few steps closer to him, still keeping her arms crossed. She found herself feeling a bit horrid that she’d been so mean and snarky. Sure, he deserved it, but not while he was feeling so down.

“If you want me to leave then I’ll leave. But before I go, might I make a suggestion?”

He glanced at her. “What?”

“Going down to the kitchen for a cup of hot chocolate always helps me feel better. The elves will gladly make you a cup if you asked them.”

He smiled sadly, not looking at her. “Thanks, but I wouldn’t want to bother the elves. They have enough work on their hands.”

Evans bit back the response that the elves were usually up and drinking and talking in front of the fire at this time of night. She was about to turn around and leave, but something stopped her. She didn’t want to leave him here. Not when he was so upset. Yes, he was an arrogant arse and was a bullying toad, but something within her was slightly sad to see the usually loud, exuberant sixteen year old so upset.

She scowled, angry with herself for feeling so confused. Why the hell did she care if James Potter was upset? She had hated him for as long as she could remember.

Finally, she sighed loudly, annoyed with herself. “Potter, stop being such a git!” she demanded.

Potter raised both eyebrows, staring at her with slight confusion. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me! You’re not supposed to be sad and angry. You’re supposed to be the arrogant, untouchable, flawless toad that every guy wants to imitate and every girl wants to talk to. You’re supposed to be the egotistical pig that I hate. You’re not supposed to be like—like this—” she waved her hand around herself and scowled.

Potter’s eyes darkened. “Well I’m sorry if I sometimes let myself be merely human. I apologize if it’s upsetting. I’ll be back to normal tomorrow morning.”

She stared at him, curious now. What could possibly be upsetting the great James Potter?

Taking a few steps closer, she leaned against the wall beside him. “Look, I don’t know why, but this is pissing the hell out of me.” She bit her lip and scowled at the far wall and crossed her arms. They stood there in silence, until Lily finally scowled.

“Alright, Potter, enough of this silence crap. Tell me what’s wrong.”

He glanced at her. “Why would you care?”

“I don’t. But the faster you tell me, the faster I can yell at you to snap out of it and stop feeling sorry for yourself and go to bed. So, get on with it already.”

A silence descended around them and for a moment, Lily didn’t think he’d say anything, but then he sighed.

“I miss Kristy. And no, before you get a head of steam and start screeching that there are dozens of girls who would gladly screw around with me, that’s not the part I miss. I’m sorry if that ruins your tidy neat image of me, but it’s the truth. I just miss—her.”

Lily frowned. This wasn’t what she had expected. “You miss Kristy.”

He nodded and sighed.

Lily was still frowning. “You two broke up nearly a year ago. What could you possibly still miss about her?”

Potter sighed again and then laughed sadly. “You know, that’s the same shit I’ve been telling myself since I first came up here. I know she might not even remember my name—”

“Potter, everybody remembers your name. It’s a social requirement.”

“—and that I shouldn’t even care anymore, but I do. Not really about her, but I miss having a relationship.”

She snorted. “Yeah, not too good at those, are we? You’re more the screw and run type.”

He winced again. “Evans, you’ve got a tongue sharp enough to cut through glass.”

“Uh huh. So I’ve been told. Alright, keep talking. Why do you miss having a relationship?”

He mulled it over for a few minutes before answering.

“I guess I just miss having someone I can really talk to, you know.”

“You talk to Black all the time.”

“Yeah, but about different things. I don’t mean that he can’t be serious, but there are some things I just felt more comfortable talking to Kristy about. And then there were the other things too. The stupid little things. Like knowing that I’d get to see her at the end of the day and not have to worry if she decided to find somebody better. It’s just the stupid, little things. I don’t know why, but I miss them.”

Evans raised an eyebrow. “Potter, you’re really ruining the awful image I had of you, you know. This can’t be good for my health.”

He chuckled weakly. “Sorry.”

She sighed. “Nah, don’t be sorry. I like being proven wrong. It makes me keep my fat mouth shut sometimes.”

She tilted her head and stared at him. She still couldn’t get over the change in him. This was James Potter without the arrogant, cool mask on. He wasn’t smirking, he wasn’t being loud and obnoxious.

And what shocked Lily most of all was that she liked this James Potter. She not only liked him but she wanted to see more of this James Potter.

Her contemplations were disturbed when he sighed again and pushed himself off the window ledge.

“Well, thanks for listening Evans and thanks for not killing me. You can do that tomorrow if you want, but I’m exhausted. Gryffindors are supposed to die bravely fighting, not sleeping.”

He slowly walked past her and was nearly at the top of the stairs when a crazy idea leapt into Lily’s mind.

“Hey, Potter!”

He half turned and glanced at her. “What? Changed your mind and decided to hang me off the ledge now?”

She laughed. “No, you git. Although I might do that tomorrow. But I wanted to know if you wanted to meet up in Hogsmeade next weekend.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You want to meet up? In Hogsmeade? With me?”

She raised an eyebrow, a smile playing on her lips. “Well, if I hang you tomorrow then maybe not, but if I decide to be merciful and you behave yourself and keep your fat head out of the clouds, then yeah, I would.”

He smiled softly. “You’re one hell of a person, Lily Evans.”

She smirked and strode past him and down the stairs. “I know. Just be sure to remember that.”

Without another word, she quietly hurried down the stairs, making her way to an empty classroom and the empty fireplace at the end.

She couldn’t wait to tell Sev what had just happened. She couldn’t decide if he’d faint from shock, kill her from disgust or scream at her from fear that she was insane.

 

*             *             *

 

“You what?! Are you bloody insane?!”

“I think Miss Lily lost all senses.”

“She didn’t lose them, elf, I doubt she ever had any. What the hell is wrong with you?!”

Lily sighed softly and sat down on the bed, ignoring the two confused, sleepy people staring back at her. Gorgon could hardly keep his eyes open but was nevertheless sitting up and paying attention. This wasn’t something he had expected.

Severus had woken up as soon as Evans ran through the door, but then had fallen back asleep. It wasn’t until she told him who she was planning on meeting next weekend that he bolted upright, all thoughts of sleep banished from his mind.

“Sev, just let me explain—”

“Explain?! Evans, what the fuck would you have to explain? Everybody in the whole school chose him over me and they always will and now you’ve chosen him too. Thanks, Evans. Now if you could get out of my room—”

“Sev! Shut up and let me talk!”

When he scowled at her, she grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. When he tried to wrench himself out of her grasp, she tightened her grip. Involuntary reflexes kicked in and he stopped fighting.

“That’s better. Now listen to me. I’m not ‘choosing’ anybody. You’re my best friend and nothing could ever change that. Nothing. You hear me? Not Potter, not Black, not our reputations, nothing. We’ve been friends since third year, Sev! That’s a long time. And we’re not going to lose that friendship over someone as stupid as Potter.” She bit her lip. “At least, as long as you don’t want to lose it.”

Severus sighed. “Of course not, Evans. I just don’t—” He stopped, not wanting to finish the sentence. He wanted to say that he’d rather lose her friendship all at once than lose it one bit at a time. He wanted to say that he didn’t want to see her get hurt when the arrogant pig was finished using her and threw her aside like he had everyone else. And most importantly, he didn’t want to lose his only human friend—not counting the headmaster of course. He had gotten strangely accustomed to their friendship and found a part of him getting terribly upset that he might lose that.

But Evans was staring at him, looking worried but also hopeful. He sighed inwardly. He had known this day was coming. He’d always been able to see the physical attraction between the two of them, although Evans had always shrugged it off and denied it since she couldn’t stand him. Well, it seemed now that Potter had twisted his friend’s mind around and convinced her that he was a lovable, nice gentleman. And Severus knew that Evans was thrilled about it. She had always wanted to be closer to Potter but had always pushed him away since she didn’t want him to win and think he could treat her like a trophy. She had always wanted to be more than a trophy to him. And now it seemed, Potter wanted more than a trophy. Or so he said.

Severus stared at his friend, who was trying so hard to suppress her happiness. He found the angry words sticking in his throat but he couldn’t force them past his lips. He didn’t want to hurt her. She’d done so much for him and she was his best friend.

So instead of voicing the fears he felt clutching him about their friendship and anything which might develop between her and Potter, he gave her a dark scowl.

“I just don’t like him.” He finished, putting as much conviction into the words as possible. After all, that wasn’t a lie at all. It just wasn’t the whole truth.

Evans sighed softly. “I know, Sev. But here’s what I’m thinking. When he was going out with Kristy, he was a lot better, wasn’t he?”

Severus grumbled some response. That much was true.

“So if I start running around with him, I’ll be able to fasten a leash around that neck of his and I’ll be able to keep him under check. So, really, we’ll both be getting something out of this.”

Severus smiled faintly. “You know, the day Potter discovers that he’s never going to be the one calling the shots with you, he might go running.”

Evans laughed. “Yeah, but by then, I’ll have a tight enough hold that he won’t run. Besides, I’ll be nice so he won’t even know what hit him.”

Lily’s eyes darkened with worry and she frowned at him. “So are you sure you’re okay with this?”

Severus took a deep breath. No, he wasn’t. Not with any of it. Not only would his best friend be getting hurt—because that’s what Potter did the best—but he’d be losing his best friend. But he wouldn’t ruin this for her. No. She’d given him her friendship. He’d do anything for her in return.

He gave her a faint smile and put on a slight scowl which Evans would be expecting.

“Yeah, sure. As long as he doesn’t come to the forest or the kitchen with us and as long as he stays far away from me.” He grumbled.

Evans grinned and threw her arms around him in a tight hug. Then she squealed happily and clapped her hands and jumped up.

“Oh, just wait until Kiana and Margie hear about this! They’ll be thrilled!” she threw him a dazzling smile before giving Gorgon a big hug too—who painted a huge smile on his face to keep her happy—and then ran out the door, putting up the wards behind her.

Gorgon and Severus stared at each other in silence while they listened to her running down the corridor towards the chute which lead up to the Gryffindor towers.

Gorgon fiddled around with the edge of his blanket. “So is young master really okay with this?”

Severus sighed. “No, elf. I’m not. But that doesn’t matter.”

Gorgon sighed softly. “This is what I thought. Oh, this is going to turn into mess.” He shook his head sadly.

Severus sighed again before flopping onto his pillow. “Just keep your damn wisdom to yourself and go to sleep, elf.” He mumbled, rolling over and burying his face in his pillow.

 

**Jan. 18th, 1977**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus took a deep breath and forced himself to pay attention. Fawkes sat perched on the stool in front of him and the headmaster was leaning forward in the chair beside him, giving him an encouraging smile.

“Alright now, dear. One more time. Focus on the image of an apple. Nothing else. No words. Nothing. Just the apple. Focus on it and then hurl it towards Fawkes.”

Severus took a deep breath and tried to focus on an image of an apple. It wasn’t working. He was too irritated to focus on a damn apple. Last night he and Evans had planned to go riding and Gorgon had even taken the night off with Madam Pomfrey so he could join them. Severus hadn’t seen Xira in weeks so he had been impatiently waiting through the entire day. Then, five minutes before they were supposed to leave, Evans came running into his room, apologizing a million times and saying she had to cancel since Potter wanted to go star gazing in the astronomy tower. She’d smiled faintly, excited but concerned about hurting his feelings. Severus had shrugged it off, forced a smile onto his face and said she should go have fun, since he hadn’t been looking forward to going that much anyway. His elf had then complained of a sudden headache, saying they couldn’t go anyway. Evans had sighed with relief, saying she had been so worried that they’d be upset. Severus had clenched his jaw, knowing it was a lie. Evans couldn’t care less about his feelings. All she cared about was having him help her with homework and keeping her company on the few nights when Potter was busy and her other friends were being boring. But he didn’t say that. He just smiled and told her to get going, since she shouldn’t keep Potter waiting.

She had grinned and given him a quick hug, not noticing that Severus didn’t hug her back and then ran out of the room. Gorgon had right away demanded to know why his young master had lied and not told Miss Lily that his feelings had been hurt. Severus had glared at his elf and snarled at him to shut up before burying himself into one of the dark books he had snuck from the restricted section. For some reason, reading about dark magic always made him feel better in these situations. Reading about plants and magical creatures and constellations just didn’t sooth him in the same way.

“Dear, you’re not doing it. You’re not focusing. If you’re too tired, then by all means, we can stop—”

Severus sighed. “I’m not tired, headmaster.” He snapped, his tone harsh. The headmaster looked a bit taken aback, but didn’t say anything. Severus had been moody and much more temperamental through the entire year but the headmaster had chalked it up to teenage nerves and normal fifteen year old behavior. He had long suspected that perhaps a certain newly formed Gryffindor relationship might be causing problems between a certain Gryffindor and a certain Slytherin, but Lily had said they were fine and Severus shrugged off any inquiries the headmaster made about it, so he left it alone.

Severus focused on the image of an apple one more time before hurling it at Fawkes, all his irritation adding momentum to the thought. The phoenix tottered slightly and his dark eyes widened but he quickly regained his footing.

“ _Well, you’ll be thrilled to know that I got an image of an apple right and clear. Along with some tendrils of irritation_.”

Severus nodded and then glanced at the headmaster. “He got it.”

The headmaster’s face broke into a pleased smile. “Well done, my dear. Well done.” He made as if to stand up, assuming that Severus was too tired to continue.

But Severus was still intently staring at the phoenix. He ignored the mild headache which was throbbing in his head and the slightly worried look Fawkes threw his way.

“Well, dear, I think we should call it a—”

“I’m not tired yet, headmaster. I want to continue.” Severus interupted him, not taking his eyes off Fawkes.

The headmaster frowned slightly but then raised his hands and sat down. “If you want to continue, then by all means, go ahead.”

While the headmaster started droning on about focusing on a slightly more complex image, Severus decided to skip the image sending and go right to the thoughts. He thought of a small word, ‘elf’ and imaged the word written onto a piece of paper. Then he hurled the image towards the bird.

Fawkes blinked slightly and then nodded. “ _Elf, wasn’t it_?”

Severus nodded, slightly pleased. The headmaster had realized Severus wasn’t paying attention so he leaned back, allowing Severus to try things on his own. He had outlined the steps required to achieve full telepathy quite carefully and given him one of his own books on the subject, which Severus had read and memorized within two days. If he wanted to progress on his own, Dumbledore was willing to let him.

Severus focused on various other words, imagined them written on a piece of paper and then sent them towards Fawkes, using the bond created between them to send the thought.

Each time, Fawkes would nod and repeat the word to him.

After some time, the headmaster could see Severus getting pale and tired. Gently, he reached over and put a hand on his shoulder.

“I think that’s enough for today.” He said softly.

Severus scowled and brushed his hand off. “I’m not tired yet, headmaster. I want to try doing whole sentences.”

The headmaster gave him a kind but firm smile. “Severus, as always, I appreciate and admire your determination and your eagerness to learn, but not when it becomes an exhausting chore to you rather than something enjoyable. Give your mind a bit of rest. You’re welcome to come back tomorrow and we can continue.”

Severus shot him an irritated look and looked like he would argue some more. Nothing was going his way. Nothing. First Evans shoved him aside for Potter. Then his elf ran off to the infirmary and now the headmaster didn’t want him around either.

“Fine.” Standing up, he shoved his chair back and swept out of the room, too irritated to give either of them another glance.

The headmaster stared at him, confused and slightly worried. One of the headmasters in the portraits sniggered.

“Don’t bother trying to make sense of it, Albus. You know how they get at this age. Moody, unpredictable and they think the whole world has a grudge against them.”

Dumbledore sighed. “Not all of them do, Phineas and you know it.” Ignoring the grumbling coming from the portrait, the headmaster went back behind his desk and resumed his work, his phoenix quietly flying back to his perch.

 

**Feb. 27th, 1977**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus glanced up, irritation flooding him as he heard a pop beside him and moments later, Gabby appeared beside him.

“Oh, there is Master Severus! Gabby looking all over for him!” she squealed in Elfish.

Severus sighed, going back to reading about ancient curses which could remove people’s finger, toes, eyes or even heads. “What do you want, elf?” he asked in Elfish.

Gabby tilted her head at him. “Doesn’t Master Severus remember? He promised Mixie to come to kitchen and help make cake for Professor Minerva’s birthday.”

Severus sighed and cursed quietly. “Yes, of course. I’m sorry, I forgot.” He threw the book onto the bed and followed the small, perky elf out the door and towards the kitchen chute.

For the next two hours, he focused on helping Mixie prepare and stir the batter, pulling Gabby out of the flour sack and trying to bribe Gorgon into skipping his infirmary shift and coming with him to practice apparating at the field.

Gorgon sighed and apologized a million times but said he couldn’t skip his shift but young master could take Miss Lily along.

At that, Severus scowled darkly and spat that ‘Miss Lily’ was going to the Three Broomsticks with Moony, Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail and wouldn’t have time to waste running around with the likes of him. When Gorgon scowled at him and was about to launch into a protest at that last remark, Severus silenced him with a glare and went back to stirring the batter.

 

**Apr. 7th, 1977**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Gorgon glanced around fearfully, carefully checking every dark corner at the end of the corridor where he and his young master and a box were crouched. Several small creatures skittered past them and disappeared into the cracks between the bricks of the old wall. Severus glanced up at him and rolled his eyes.

“Elf, would you relax? Nobody comes down here except the elves and Evans and they’ve never come to this part of the tunnels.”

“But if we getting caught we in so much trouble. Young master must remember scholarship! Not going to get scholarship if getting into trouble.”

“We never have and never will get caught. Nobody knows we’re here and it’s a Sunday. Nobody will even come looking for us.” He squinted around himself and frowned. It really was too dark to do anything productive back here. Or maybe his eyes were losing their extreme sensitivity to light after living in the brightly lit castle for so long. Either way, they were going to need some light. He couldn’t just conjure up candles. The glow from them would be visible from the bend of the corridor.

Deciding on another course of action, he told his elf to hold out his two index fingers. Quickly muttering the familiar and very useful dark charm, he tapped the two fingers and left a dancing blue flame on their tips. Gorgon quickly dabbed the flames into his eyes, squinted a few times and then nodded in approval. Then he pulled out his own wand and lit his young master’s fingers on fire and watched as Severus quickly dropped the flames into his own eyes. Ignoring the mild tinkling feeling as the flames crept into his eyes, he waited for a moment before opening them. He nodded with satisfaction when he saw everything around him light up with a blue glow, allowing him to easily see every tiny detail in the corridor.

He briefly ran over the plan of what he wanted to practice today. Just last week, he and Gorgon had used pixies to practice fire rings. Creating them was easy enough but keeping the spinning green circles of fire steady and circular and floating was more difficult. The real challenge came in directing them and sending them spinning towards an actual target. Severus had erected a ward to keep the pixies from escaping down the corridor and then had let them go. Silencing them all with a silencing charm, he let them run around as they pulled their ears and scrunched up their faces in a wild temper tantrum, which made them look mildly comical since they couldn’t make a sound. Then Severus had practiced trying to catch one, two and then three pixies with the rings of spinning fire.

His elf had objected to it, just as he had objected to all their other practice sessions but Severus had told him to shut up and make sure the ward stayed up. His elf had wanted to complain some more, but decided to keep his mouth shut for the time being. He only put a stop to it when Severus accidently caught one of the pixies by the head with one of the circles and the pixie quickly caught on fire. Its eyes widened and it madly leapt around, clutching its head and screaming soundlessly until Gorgon quickly extinguised the fire and healed its wounds. Severus had felt bad about hurting the little creature but shoved that thought aside. He was just practicing and the stupid pixie shouldn’t have gotten in his way. He had briefly thought about the hurt pixie from time to time but always shoved those thoughts out of his mind. After all, it was the pixie’s own fault. Gorgon relentlessly scolded him about it and tried to tell him that the pixie hadn’t deserved that and that it had been innocent. Severus was actually shocked to find himself agreeing with his elf and feeling even worse about using the pixies like that and hurting them. This shocked and scared him so badly that he glared at his elf, threw him out of his room and buried himself into one of his books, forgetting all about the pixie.

His elf and him had made peace after a few hours—as they always did—and didn’t mention the incident again. Severus hoped that Gorgon would keep his mouth shut about it today as well. He was irritated and was really looking forward to practice and he couldn’t care less about using the pixies again.

Telling his elf to keep a look out, he opened the box and quickly stunned one of the blue pixies. Pulling it out, he smirked slightly at the angry, scrunched up face of the small creature going limp.

Setting it beside him, he shut the box again, putting a silencing charm on it to keep the irritated screeches of the tiny beasts quiet.

Then he glanced at his elf. “Alright, Gorgon. Get ready. If I’m not quick enough or the spell doesn’t work properly then you’ve got to stun it before it gets away.”

Gorgon shot him a look. “Is young master sure we need to do this again? Unforgivables not on exam.”

Severus rolled his eyes, irritated beyond belief. “I know that, elf! But our skills have been getting incredibly rusty being surrounded by these Gryffindor shits. It’s high time we get back to practicing tougher magic. Besides, I’m not going to kill the thing. I just need to practice on it, that’s all.”

Gorgon sighed but nevertheless carefully watched the dazed pixie, getting ready to stun it if his young master’s spell went awry.

Severus took a deep breath and pointed his wand at the small blue creature. “Ennervate!” he hissed at it. Moments after the pixie blinked and started scrunching up its face again, ready to launch a full blown temper tantrum, Severus quickly pointed his wand again. “Imperio.” He said, not only saying the words but meaning them. He knew that the unforgivables didn’t work unless their castor truly meant them. He watched as a dazed expression replaced the rage on the small creature’s face. He smiled coldly. It had worked.

Gorgon nodded. “Alright, young master did it. Now take curse off and we leave.” He said firmly.

Severus glared at him, irritated that Gorgon wanted to end this so soon. Maybe it had been enough for Gorgon, but Severus was still irritated. He couldn’t take out his irritation on Evans, or on the headmaster or on Gorgon. So he choose the next best thing.

He stared intently at the pixie. “Can you hear me?”

The pixie tilted its head, looking dazed and confused, but nevertheless nodded.

“I want you to follow this wand tip. Where ever it goes, I want you to follow it.”

The pixie nodded, its eyes glued to the wands tip.

Severus slowly moved the wand back and forth, watching as the pixie scampered after it. Then he lifted it up and down and the small creature madly leapt into the air to follow it. Severus smirked, feeling his irritation slowly seeping away. He twirled the wand around, laughing as the pixie tumbled head over heels across the floor to follow it.

Suddenly, he was aware of a hand tightly gripping his wrist and forcing his wand to stop moving.

Gorgon was frowning at him, giving him a very stern look.

“I think young master had enough now. Now either removes curse or Gorgy does it, but either way, we done this.”

Severus scowled and glared at his elf. “What the hell is wrong with you? I’m only having a bit of fun—”

“This isn’t fun. Not anymore. Young master knows how to have fun without this now—without hurting poor, innocent creature.”

Severus stared at him for a moment. A small part of him realized with a start that he really hadn’t missed his old fun over the past few years. Not only that, but he felt slightly guilty as he looked down at the staring, dazed pixie whose hands and ears were bleeding from scratches.

Scowling and his irritation flooding back, he muttered the counter curse at the pixie and then shoved himself off the floor and stormed down the corridor, leaving his elf and the pixies behind.   
Gorgon hurried over to the pixie and gently used his wand and soothing words to calm it and to heal its wounds. Putting it back into the box, he picked it up and hurried down the corridor, intent on releasing the poor creatures as soon as possible.

Neither Gorgon nor Severus had noticed a small, black rat hiding in one of the cracks in the wall. It had quietly scampered after them when they had first arrived and had quietly watched them until they left. After it was sure Gorgon had left, it crept out of its hole and then stood up on its hindlegs, checking to make sure Severus hadn’t decided to come back.

Seeing the coast was clear, the rat quickly disapparated in a small, barely noticeable burst of flames.

 

**Apr. 8th, 1977**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Dumbledore steepled his fingers beneath his chin and stared out of his office window. He saw some laughing first years running around on the front lawn, tackling each other and yelling. A group of sixth and seventh years sat by the lake, heads bent over something, excitedly pointing and whispering to each other.

Sighing softly, he turned away and stared at his phoenix, who sat on his perch, staring back at him.

“ _Do you know what you will say to him_?”

Dumbledore’s gaze drifted to his desk for a  moment and he nodded. “ _I have some idea but I just hope it won’t all fall on deaf ears_.”

“ _He always listens to you, Albus_.”

“ _Yes, but he listens to himself first. It’s a habit he’s never broken_.” He sighed again. “ _You know, I had hoped we were past all this, but looking back, I realize that was a fool’s wish_.”

“ _No, it wasn’t. It was an optimistic wish, Albus_.”

The headmaster wearily rubbed his temples. “ _I just wish I had more time for him, old friend. But with the war going the way it is, the Order and running things here have been keeping my hands tied a lot more tightly than I would like_.”

“ _Nobody can fault you for your lack of time, Albus. You have very serious responsibiliti_ es.”

“ _I realize that, Fawkes, but somehow I think that if I would have had more time to spend with him in the past few months, this wouldn’t have happened_.”

“ _Albus, you can’t pull all the blame onto your shoulders. Severus knew what he was doing was wrong and did it anyway. Yes, he might be much more irritable these days than usual, but he knows how busy you are. Besides, if he is feeling upset, he will surely tell you_.”

“ _I’m not so sure about that, old friend. And that’s what worries me_.”

The headmaster sighed again and continued staring at his desk. He heard soft footsteps coming up the stone stairway to his office. Those same footsteps paused and he heard a soft knock on the door.

Sitting up straighter, he leaned over his desk and pretended to be shuffling some papers. “Come in,” he called.

Moments later, the door swung open and a quiet, pale fifteen year old walked in. As always, his steps were sure and swift until he crossed the threshold and then he slowed down and became more cautious, more timid.

The headmaster quietly looked at him. His face was as impassive as always, but mildly curious. He kept his hands behind his back and stood beside his desk, pitch black robes making him seem even more pale and thin than he really was. He’d grown a good few inches in recent years, but he was still the thinnest child in his class. The headmaster watched as those black eyes stared at him, occasionally slipping down to stare at his desk, still not able to keep anybody’s gaze for very long.

“You wanted to see me, headmaster?” It was always a question. Not a statement. As if he still couldn’t believe that the headmaster would actually want to see him for something. Dumbledore watched him slightly tense up from the constant scrutiny, but he remained rigid and impassive.

Severus clenched his hands behind his back, refusing to squirm under the headmaster’s gaze. While he was being stared at he tried thinking about what he could have possibly done to warrant this calm scrutiny. He couldn’t think of anything.

Finally, the headmaster motioned for him to please have a seat. He carefully sat in the visitors chair, always sitting in the same one. He had long ago started thinking about the other chair as his elf’s.

The headmaster glanced at Fawkes and unspoken thoughts flew between them. Severus found he could actually sense the telepathy between them, now that he could fluently communicate with Fawkes.

“My dear, there is something that has come to my attention. Apparently it has been going on for quite a few weeks and I have been aware of it for all that time but I have decided to wait until now to do something about it.”

Severus raised a curious eyebrow but didn’t say anything. What the hell was he talking about?

The headmaster was staring at him looking quite sad and a bit hurt.

“I have never liked waltzing around a subject and never getting to it so I’ll get right to it. It has come to my attention that you’ve been practicing dark magic in the castle.”

Severus blinked and struggled to hide his surprise and dismay. Shit. How the hell had he found out? He glanced around the office until his eyes came to rest on Fawkes. He narrowed his eyes at the bird.

“ _You followed us and told on us_.” He thought, clenching his jaw.

Fawkes shifted uncomfortably on his perch. “ _Severus, Albus asked me to keep an eye on you and_ —”

“ _So you snuck around like some greasy maggot? And not only that, but you told on us_?”

“ _Severus, what you were doing was unacceptable and wrong. I have put up with a lot of things over these years and kept my silence about them, but now when you’re hurting innocent creatures I couldn’t just let it go. Besides, dark magic has no place in this castle_ —”

Severus glared and shoved up a mental wall against the bird’s thoughts, blocking him out.

He went back to looking at the headmaster. He made a split second decision. He could try to lie himself out of it, but he was a miserable liar—like Evans always told him—and he hated the thought of lying to the headmaster. Alright, so he’d stick to the truth.

“Yes, I have,” He said, slightly raising his chin defiantly. He found a slight tendril of fear creeping through him as he thought about what the headmaster would do. Instead of using that fear to crumble at his feet, he used that fear to fuel his irritation and anger which he had been hoarding around for months.

The headmaster nodded, having expected the truth. He sensed the defiance and the fear coming from the teenager so he decided to forgo the scolding and reprimanding for the time being.

“Dear, you know I have never stopped you from gaining knowledge and learning how to control it. But how you use that knowledge, that is where I will draw the line. Knowing about dark magic is not a bad thing. Knowledge is necessary to protect us whereas ignorance can never be used as a shield, but when you use that knowledge to cause harm and suffering, that is where you’re stepping over the line.”

Severus frowned slightly. “Headmaster, I never intended to hurt the pixies. Those were just accidents.”

“Accidents or not, you shouldn’t have been using the pixies in the first place—”

“And what would you have me practice on? Gabby? Fawkes? Potter?”

The headmaster swallowed a frustrated, sad sigh. They had been over this so many, many times. He couldn’t decide if he was more frustrated with Severus for not understanding or with himself for not being able to get through to him, but either way, he found himself becoming just as irritated as the snarky youth sitting across from him.

“I would have you not practice any dark magic at all, Severus! Dark magic has no place in this school and never will. It is evil and only serves to fuel evil within people. It is destructive, heartless, cruel and utterly unacceptable.”

Severus clenched his jaw and found himself getting irritated. He didn’t want to have this damn argument again.

“Headmaster, we have been over this—”

“Apparently we haven’t been over this enough because if we had been and you would have understood what I was trying to say then you wouldn’t have—”

“But I have never tried to understand or accept what you have to say about this subject because you’re wrong.”

“Severus—”

“No! Not this time. We have argued this many, many times and I am sick of trying to make you see what your Gryffindor mind refuses to allow you to see. Dark magic is not all evil. Yes, most of it can be used for evil purposes and to cause harm and suffering, but some of it can be used for good. Such as the illumination charm and controllable fire charms. They’re much more effective than those other pitiful light magic spells used to try and accomplish the same effect.”

The headmaster found that irritation increasing, not only because he was as sick of having this argument as Severus was, and he was sick of fighting this war against the very evil Severus was defending, but he felt something starting to slip out of his fingers and he couldn’t determine what it was.

“Severus, dark magic is never acceptable, no matter what the spells are. They can all be used to do evil and when someone starts playing with them, they will ultimately lose their minds or hearts and they will know no other magic.”

“That is just a blatant generalization—!”

Dumbledore suddenly clenched his hand into a fist and slammed it onto his desk. He despised himself for not having found a better way to deal with the situation and for getting angry. The sudden sound scared Severus so badly he nearly leapt out of his chair, but at the last minute, he managed to keep control of himself and he glared at the headmaster, who stared back at him, looking angrier than he ever had.

“Severus, I will say this one last time and one time only. You will never do any dark magic within these walls again or I will have you transferred from this school. Is that understood?”

Severus glared at him, his eyes blazing. “Yes, sir,” He hissed.

The headmaster nodded. “Good. Now, you’re excused.”

Severus narrowed his eyes at him before turning around, his robes swirling around him and sweeping out of his office, slamming the door behind him.

Moments after he had slammed the door, the headmaster collapsed against the back of his chair and took a deep breath. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he glanced at his phoenix.

“ _Well, that didn’t go well at all, Fawkes. Not well at all_.”

“ _You did what you had to do. He had to understand that he was wrong_.”

“ _That’s where I’m concerned, Fawkes. I don’t think he understands he was wrong. I think I have just succeeded in making the situation a lot worse_.”

Fawkes tilted his head at him. “ _What situation_?”

The headmaster sighed. “ _I wish I could tell you, old friend. I’m losing something, but I can’t for the life of me tell what it is_.”

 

#  **Apr. 15th, 1977**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Lily glanced up from her heavy astronomy textbook and sighed softly when she looked at her quiet, angry friend sitting beside her on his bed.

She drew her legs up and kicked her shoes off and crossed her legs. “Sev, you’re being such a git,” She said softly.

For a long moment she didn’t think he’d answer. His eyes continued drifting over the page of the old potions book he was reading and he didn’t acknowledge that she’d said anything. She waited another few moments, hoping that he might break his angry, hurt, unexplained silence which had been plaguing her friend for the past week, but when he completely ignored her, she sighed again and picked up her book.

“If you don’t like it you can get out, Evans. Nobody forced you to come down here and nobody’s forcing you to stay.” The words were hardly above a whisper but they were so cold that Lily stiffened, anger flooding her.

“You see? That’s what I’m talking about! You’re being such a mean git, Sev! I know nobody’s forcing me to come down here and you want to know why I still come down here? Because you’re my best friend and you’re hurting and angry and you won’t tell me why. But—stupid me—I keep hoping that if I keep coming down here, reading some stupid crap and waiting that you’ll finally let me in, but you won’t.”

His dark eyes lifted up and he stared at her, his eyes utterly empty. He clenched his jaw briefly but that was the only hint Lily got as to what he was feeling.

“It doesn’t matter, Evans. Just keep reading. Our astronomy test is tomorrow night and third term’s barely started—”

Evans scowled and threw her textbook across the room. “Fuck astronomy, Sev and fuck the test! Talk to me, dammit! Why are you so angry with the headmaster and with Fawkes? You never told me what you’d argued about.”

He stared at her blankly. A part of him so badly wanted to confide in her and tell her everything, but that other, more cynical part of him held back. What if she went and told Potter and Black about it later? What if they sat around and laughed at him? No, he couldn’t risk it.

“It doesn’t matter, Evans and if you don’t feel like studying then you might as well get back upstairs where your fanclub and your precious Potter are waiting. Shove your pity onto them.”

She stared at him, looking hurt. “It’s not pity, Sev! You stupid git! It’s called caring because I’m your friend. Why can’t you let yourself understand that?” she asked softly, looking close to tears.

He didn’t answer, partly because he didn’t know what to say to that and partly because he saw through it as the lie it really was. Pulling his book closer to himself, he went back to reading.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Evans sigh softly and push herself off the bed. She picked up her book and cradled it in her arms before going to the door.

With a hand on the doorknob, she paused and glanced over her shoulder at him one more time.

“I’ll be in the kitchen later if you’re looking for me.” She said softly before turning and leaving, shutting the door behind her.

Severus kept reading, ignoring her. He wasn’t going to go up to the kitchen later. No way. Two things could happen if he would. Either, Potter and Black would be waiting there with Evans and they’d all laugh and sneer at him that he was so desperate for friends that he’d crawl after someone who just felt sorry for him and never considered him a real friend anyway. Or, Evans wouldn’t be there at all.

A part of him felt like crying with anger at the whole situation. He’d done everything for her and she was abandoning him. She was just like everyone else.

He kept reading and swallowed his anger and hurt and refused to care.

 

*             *             *

 

Hours later, Mixie hurried over to the sad, quiet sixteen year old sitting in front of the fireplace by the kitchen, handing her another cup of hot chocolate. Lily smiled thankfully and sipped it slowly, her eyes constantly drifting over to the empty fireplace where she’d hoped—for hours now—that Sev would appear. But he didn’t.

Finally, she got up, sniffed back her tears and left the kitchen.

 

*             *             *

 

A few hours later after turning and tossing on her bed, parts of her wanting to scream at Sev and parts of her wanting to cry, she finally tossed off her covers and quietly crept out of her bed. Pulling a quilt over her shoulders and shoving her wand into a pocket in her pajamas, she quietly snuck down the stairs and across the common room and out the portrait, madly shushing the indignant whispers of the Fat Lady.

With no particular destination in mind, she found herself just wandering around. She carefully kept out of Mrs. Norris’ and Mr. Filch’s way but asides from that, she just roamed around, trying to figure out what the hell had gone wrong with everything.

After about half an hour, she felt calm enough to try and sleep again so she wound her way back to the common room.

She had just turned the last corner when she spied a darkly cloaked figure sitting huddled beneath the portrait hole. She stopped and her hand immediately went to her wand.

Severus looked up as soon as he heard her footsteps and he stared down the dark hallway at her. He didn’t say anything but didn’t put his hand near his wand as he waited for her to come closer.

She slowly walked towards him, her quilt hanging off her shoulders and her bare feet padding down the tiled floor.

He scowled softly, a smile playing on his lips. “Evans, your brain really does fall asleep at nine o’clock, don’t they? This floor’s damn freezing and you don’t have any bloody slippers on.”

She smiled and sat down beside him. “My brain isn’t as tired as you think. I put a heating charm on my feet before I left.”

Severus nodded, impressed. “My opinion of Gryffindors has just been raised by half a millimeter.”

She chuckled and then they fell into silence as they stared across the hallway.

Finally, Severus cleared his throat. “Look, Evans. I’m sorry.”

“Sev, it’s alright. You don’t have to—”

“Yes, I do. I’m sorry about a lot of things. I’m sorry I was such a mean git and I’m sorry I’ve been brushing you off. I’ve just been stupid. I didn’t let myself trust you or your friendship. I still didn’t until Rudy told me you sat in the kitchen for hours and waited for me. I mean, you could have been running around with Potter or laughing at me behind my back, but you weren’t.”

She sighed softly. “Oh, you git. Of course I’d never do that. You’re my best friend, Sev and you’re damn stupid for taking this long to realize that. Yes, I’m going out with Potter and yes I have other friends, but you’re my best friend and nothing will ever change that.”

Severus nodded, finally allowing himself to believe that. He sighed. “You know how damn hard this is for me. I don’t trust people easily.”

She smiled and then grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. “And I swear to you that I’ll never do anything to betray that trust. And mudbloods always keep their promises.” She said, smiling.

Severus snorted and rolled his eyes before slinging a cautious arm around her shoulders and leaning back against the wall. He sighed. “I’m going to hold you to that promise, Evans.”

“You better, you git. We’re friends for life, Sev and you can’t get rid of me that easily.”

 

**May 29th, 1977**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Shaking uncontrollably, his face pale, Severus forced his trembling legs to hold him up as he nearly fell onto the moving staircase as the stairs slowly revolved upwards, carrying him, Sirius Black and James Potter upstairs. He was hardly aware of the angry, whispered conversation going on between the two. Severus’s mind was preoccupied with the nightmare he had just seen and nearly gotten killed in.

Remus Lupin was a werewolf. That quiet, studious Gryffindor prefect was a vicious, brutal werewolf.

And to make matters worse, Lupin had nearly killed him.

And to make matters even worse than that, it had been Potter of all people who had pulled him back and saved his life.

The entire night’s events raced through his mind in a mind-numbing blur. He could barely remember picking up a note which Black had accidently dropped on his way out the charms classroom door that morning—had it really only been that morning? It seemed like years ago. A note which Severus had picked up and read through with no intentions of returning. This was how he had discovered that Potter and Black were meeting Lupin in a secret passage beneath the whomping willow and that Potter should remember to press the knot in the tree’s roots to keep the violently thrashing tree still in order to slip into the passage. Naturally, Severus had come to the conclusion that they’d be doing something they shouldn’t and he grasped at the opportunity to get back at the arrogant idiots. Remembering how Black had enchanted his robes to a neon pink color and his hair bright green a few days ago and left him to walk around like that—to the enormous amusement of his loving peers—until the charm wore off, Severus eagerly awaited the end of classes. As soon as darkness fell, he snuck out of the castle, hurried over to the shadowy willow tree, prodded the knot, froze the shaking, creaking old tree and slipped underneath the root into the dark passage beneath— and into a nightmare.

It was the snarling and the snapping of razor sharp fangs which caught his attention at first and he lit his wand just in time to illuminate a seething, growling werewolf crouching at the far end of the passage, its hackles raised and its eyes bright yellow and completely void of any human reason or intellect.

He’d stood there, staring and gaping at it, the shock so overwhelming that he barely heard the muttered curse above him and the sudden strong grip on his arm as somebody wildly yanked him back up the passage. Suddenly regaining his senses, he madly scrambled upwards, clutching the hand that was helping him with all his might. Beneath him, he heard the werewolf snarling and the scraping of claws lunging down the passage and he desperately heaved himself upwards and then collapsed in a terrified, shaking heap on the ground.

He could have just died. Or been turned into a werewolf. He was barely aware of Professor McGonagall rushing up to them, screaming and yelling at two people who were madly yelling at each other a few feet away from him. The professor glanced down at him, muttered something and then hauled him to his feet. Through a haze of incomprehension and shock, he heard something about the headmasters office. Acting of their own will, his feet obediently carried him into the school and towards the stone gargoyle while two figures hurried in front of him, their conversation now lower but still angry.

Half way there, he blinked and frowned at the two figures and finally realized that they were Potter and Black. Quickly, his mind started working again.

Black had dropped that note on purpose. He had wanted Severus to go down that passage and get killed. He had wanted him dead. And Remus Lupin was a werewolf. And James Potter had just saved his life.

His body was still in shock, trembling and numb while his mind tried to come to grips with what had happened.

He suddenly became aware of a gentle hand on his shoulder, pushing down into a chair. He blinked and realized the headmaster was kindly smiling at him and indicating that the two idiots beside him also take a seat. Some part of Severus’ mind realized that there were somehow three chairs in front of the headmaster’s desk instead of two. Strangely, he found this more disconcerting than the thought of having escaped death by a hair. Sometimes, he truly wondered at how his mind worked.

He felt worried hands on his face and arms, anxious mutterings and a familiar voice asking something about a bite or a scratch. He hardly even noticed.

He stared at the cluttered desk in front of him for several minutes until he suddenly realized the headmaster was calling his name. By the sounds of it, he had been calling him for quite a while.

He forced the numbness and shock out of his mind and forced himself to concentrate.

“Yes, headmaster?” he asked, the words coming out as a strangled whisper through a partially numb throat.

The headmaster’s eyes twinkled at him with concern. “Mr. Snape, I understand you’ve had quite a shock, but I need you to try and pay attention. It’s imperative that I know what happened.”

Black was staring at the floor, his jaw clenched and his eyes blank. Potter was sighing angrily and glaring at his friend. Severus continued staring around himself, hardly having registered the fact that the headmaster had spoken. He had nearly died tonight. Black had tried to get him killed. The question of ‘why’ kept streaming through his mind. Why would Black do that? Hadn’t he been entertained enough by the years of humiliating practical jokes and insults? Was this his ultimate joke? Or maybe, maybe it was something else.

Thoughts long buried quickly rose upwards, their darkness laughing at him. Black thought he was worthless. That he didn’t deserve to live. Black had tried to do the right thing. He had tried to get rid of him. Severus stared at the desk in shock as realization dawned on him.

He glanced up just in time to hear Potter telling the headmaster how he had yanked Severus back up just in time.

Potter sighed and glared at his friend. “You’re such a stupid git at times, Sirius, really!”

Black shrugged and leaned back in his chair. “It’s Snape’s own fault. He shouldn’t have stuck his nose into business that wasn’t his. I never made him go down there. All I did was accidently drop a note that was addressed to you and he happened to pick it up.”

Potter scowled. “Sirius, quit being a git. Everyone in this room knows you did it on purpose.”

Black’s expression hardened as he became more defensive. “Hey, I never meant for him to get killed, okay? I just wanted the piss—pardon the language, headmaster—scared out of him.”

The headmaster quietly cleared his throat. “And why was this such an important objective, Mr. Black?”

Black shrugged, but looked slightly flustered. “Because it would have been funny.”

Potter sighed and threw his friend a slightly amused and slightly exasperated look. The headmaster quietly looked back and forth between the two Gryffindors and the Slytherin. His gaze lingered on the frozen, wide eyed fifteen year old for a moment before turning his attention back to the other two youths. He would deal with Severus later.

“Alright. Mr. Potter, I would like to commend you on your bravery and your exceptional strength of character which you have shown tonight. Mr. Snape is in your debt—as you undoubtly know about wizard debts—and if he weren’t in shock right now, I’m sure he would be able to mumble some sort of thank you, but in the circumstances—”

Potter nodded, glancing sideways at Severus, who wasn’t paying attention to anything going on in the room.

“Thank you, headmaster, but it wasn’t something that required a lot of bravery or courage. I couldn’t let Snape go down there, sir. Truthfully, I was thinking of Remus more than Snape when I ran after him—I mean, they could stick him into Azkaban or even have him executed if he would have harmed or killed Snape—but when I saw how close Snape had gotten to actually being cut to ribbons, I was glad I got there in time. For both of them.”

With a small nod and a last sigh at his best friend—who was still lounging in his chair, staring around—Potter swept out of the office, quietly shutting the door behind him.

The headmaster sighed. One down. Two more to go.

“Mr. Black.”

Black raised a mildly curious eyebrow and stared at the headmaster, that air of arrogance and casual indifference still around him. For some reason, his attitude was irritating the headmaster more than usual. He fixed the teenager with a stern look.

“First, of all, you will sit up straight, wipe that expression off your face and pay attention, after all, you were nearly responsible for someone’s death tonight.”

Instantly, Black’s face lost all signs of arrogance and he sat up straight, looking slightly pale and younger than his sixteen years.

“Now, I realize you meant it as a joke, but surely, you realize that this stepped over all lines and boundaries that exist. You could have not only been responsible for Mr. Snape’s death, but quite possibly, Mr. Lupin’s as well. I realize you didn’t think things through and as usual rushed into things without considering the consequences and were merely concerned with your own amusement, but I want you to think long and hard about what could have happened tonight.”

Black paled even more at the headmaster’s words and seemed to shrink into himself, eyes wide and scared. “Yes, sir,” He whispered, all signs of arrogance gone.

“Now, this prank could easily be grounds for an expulsion, but I realize you didn’t actually mean to cause Mr. Snape any harm and no actual harm was done, thanks to Mr. Potter. You behaved rashly, irresponsibly and shamed your house, Mr. Black, but you will not be expelled. You will, however, have to suffer some consequences. You will be the one to explain all this to Mr. Lupin tomorrow morning when he returns to his usual self—since he won’t remember any of this—and you will be serving three months of detention and will report to Mr. Filch every day after classes for cleaning duties. Lastly, I will be removing one hundred points from Gryffindor. Normally, I would allow you to explain the reason behind it—since your house mates will not be pleased about it—but for Mr. Lupin’s sake, this entire incident will be swept away quietly and quickly. Understood?”

Black nodded meekly. “Yes, sir.”

“And if you pull anything like this again or endanger another student in anyway again, have no doubt that I will have you expelled from this school. Understood?”

Again, the pale Gryffindor nodded.

The headmaster nodded curtly and then jerked his head towards the door. “You’re dismissed, Mr. Black.”

Black pushed himself off the chair and quietly shuffled out of the room, not even glancing at Severus on his way out.

The lack of even a tiny glance hit Severus harder than he had thought it would. Black wouldn’t even look at him. He wasn’t even worthy enough of a mere glance. Or mere acknowledgement.

Suddenly, his mind started replaying the headmaster’s words to Black. A small part of one sentence drifted through his mind, registered itself and then came to a grinding halt, screaming out at Severus.

“—but you will not be expelled.”

Severus blinked. Black had tried to kill him and he wouldn’t be expelled. His mind worked furiously. If Black thought he was worthless and had tried to kill him because he didn’t deserve to live and it hadn’t worked and Black wasn’t getting expelled for attempting it, it must mean the headmaster approved of what Black had tried to do. The headmaster thought he was worthless too and was tired of putting up with him and didn’t want him around anymore. That was why he wouldn’t let him practice dark magic and why he hadn’t had a moment to spare for him in the past months.

He slowly raised shocked eyes to the headmaster and stared at him. He realized the headmaster’s lips were moving and the headmaster was speaking to him but Severus didn’t hear him.

He didn’t see the concern in the headmaster’s eyes at his silence and blank stares. He didn’t hear the headmaster asking him if he would like to sleep on the couch tonight and take tomorrow off. He vaguelly heard the headmaster quietly explaining Lupin’s ‘situation’ and saying that the matter must be kept as quiet as possible. But asides from that, he didn’t hear anything.

All he thought about was that the headmaster thought he was worthless. Just like Black. Just like Potter. Just like his Father. He was worthless and didn’t deserve to live.

Numbly, he pushed himself off his chair and stumbled towards the door, oblivious to the headmaster calling his name and asking him to please stay and let him explain some more.

Going out the door, he nearly fell down the stairs and then made his way to his room and fell into his bed, ignoring his elf’s worried mutterings.

All he was aware of was that a tiny light within him had flickered and died out, only leaving an aching darkness behind.

 

**May 30th, 1977**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Remus stared at his friend with horrified eyes. Moments ago, all he had been thinking about was the ache in his head and bones and how his jaw always felt wrong after becoming that of a human again and how irritating it was that his enhanced sense of smell only dimmed three or four days after the moon started its blessed waning again. Now, the only thought in his mind was that he might have woken up with members of the Disposal of Dangerous Magical Creatures squad surrounding his bed with orders to execute him at noon.

Sirius was sitting on the visitor’s chair beside Remus’ bed, the early morning sun streaming through the infirmary’s windows.

“I did what?” Remus breathed, hardly able to comprehend what Sirius had just told him. He had nearly killed somebody. He had nearly been responsible for the death of another human being. Sure, he’d killed rabbits, cats and small birds during the few times he managed to escape from the cellar his parents locked him into during the transformations, but ever since coming to Hogwarts and having the Shrieking Shack to tear through three nights a month, he had nearly forgotten that he might come into a situation where he could harm another human being.

Sirius sighed. “Look, I know it’s a shit situation, Moony. I wasn’t thinking and I was being kinda dumb and I totally understand how you feel—”

Remus stared at him. “How the hell could you possibly understand how I feel? I nearly killed someone last night and I wouldn’t even have realized it until this morning.”

“Moony, you don’t have to shoulder the blame like this. It’s my fault, really. I was just being dumb.”

“Yeah, well maybe that’s a good enough excuse for you but it doesn’t make up for it, Sirius! I know you’ll just forget about this by tomorrow and move onto something else, but I’m not like you! I can’t just forget something like this!”

“Remus, don’t take this so hard, I mean, it was just Snape. It wouldn’t have been a big loss anyway. You would have been doing the world a favor, really—”

Remus was seething by now. He couldn’t figure out if he was angrier at himself or his best friend, but the last tendrils of the wolf inside of him clutched him and his temper flared.

“How dare you! How can you sit there and not even care!”

“I do care, Moony! If something would have happened and you would have been stuck into prison or even killed, yeah I would have cared—”

“That’s not the point!”

Sirius raised an eyebrow, completely confused at what Remus was trying to get across and not accustomed to this rage coming from the normally quiet, shy sixteen year old.

“Then what the fuck is the point?”

Remus opened his mouth to scream at him and madly fought down the urge to lunge at him, at the last minute remembering he didn’t have claws anymore. Taking a slow deep breath, he decided that yelling wasn’t going to get this through his friend’s head.

“You and I nearly killed Severus and you don’t even care, that’s what the problem is.”

Sirius snorted slightly, still looking a little confused. “Moony, it’s just Snape. Who cares?”

Remus stared at his friend, trying to understand something he had never been able to understand. He had never been able to understand why his friends hated Severus so much. It couldn’t be because he was different and a little strange since Severus’ strangeness was mild compared to his own strangeness and his friends had always supported him and stuck by him. Then what was it? He knew what he’d get in response to the question if he asked. ‘Because he exists’. But that didn’t make any sense. How could somebody hate somebody for merely existing? Remus would never understand some people.

He sighed softly, searching his friend’s eyes for anything that might resemble understanding or regret. But there was none. He let himself fall back against his pillows and turned to face the window.

“I’m kinda tired, Sirius. I can squeeze in a quick nap before lunch and you better run before Madame Pomfrey comes back and sees you’ve passed your allotted ten minutes. She’ll have a fit.” He mumbled.

He heard Sirius shifting around in his chair, confused and slightly hurt by his behavior, but Remus found himself not caring at the moment.

He heard the scraping of the chair being pushed back across the floor and moments later, the sound of the infirmary’s doors opening and shutting, leaving Remus staring out the window at the bright sunshine, not understanding that either.

 

*             *             *

 

“Gorgy will kill Master Sirius right now!” The old elf growled, eyes sparking with rage as he tightened his grip on his wand and started towards the door.

Severus sighed and grabbed a hold of his elf’s pillowcase and yanked him back.

“Don’t be ridiculous, elf! You can’t kill him!”

“Oh, Gorgy can, Gorgy assures young master of that.”

“I know that you can, Gorgon, but you mustn’t. You could get caught and then they’d take you away from me and stick you into some prison or kill you or something.”

“Gorgy wouldn’t leave any evidence behind for them to find, young master.” Gorgon said, sounding vaguely insulted that Severus would suggest he do such a thing. “Gorgy knows how to do this clean and quick.”

“Yes, I know, elf, but that isn’t the point! If that stupid idiot disappeared suddenly, people would start asking questions and sooner or later, those questions would lead to us and they’d take you away.”

“Gorgy would never leave young master!”

“It wouldn’t be your choice, elf! Just forget about it, please.”

Gorgon sighed and flopped back onto the bed, patting Severus’ knees, who sat leaning against the wall with his knees pulled up to his chest.

Gorgon muttered some more elf curses at Black, Gryffindors and filthy werewolves but stuck his wand back into his pillowcase.

Severus took a deep breath. At least calming his elf had been easier than dealing with Evans. Since he had skipped classes today, right after first period ended, Evans showed up in his room, demanding to know what the hell was the matter with him. At first, he had tried to evade her questions with random mutterings and pretenses of being too tired. She’d scowled and waved those lies away and then sat on his bed, declaring she wouldn’t leave until he told her the truth. Not having much of a choice and knowing she’d find out from Gorgon sooner or later, he quietly told her what had happened.

At first, she had been shocked—when finding out about Lupin—and then thrilled—when finding out about Potter—and then engraged—when finding out about Black. The rage won out and she exploded into a loud tirade of curses, screams and insults coarse enough to make Gorgon wince. She had been about to march out the door and go beat Black into pulp, but then Severus finally made her calm down and see that he hadn’t been supposed to tell anybody about it and they’d all get in trouble from the headmaster if Evans went and screamed at Black in front of everyone. Evans had scowled and snarled that the stupid, irresponsible piece of crap shouldn’t be allowed in the same school as them anymore and then demanded to know why the headmaster hadn’t expelled him.

At that, Severus had fallen silent. He had been about to blurt out the real reason, but knew Evans would try to dispute it and wouldn’t really understand that it was the truth. So instead, he muttered something about the headmaster not having taken Black seriously and wanting to keep the whole situation quiet for Lupin’s sake. Evans had briefly narrowed her eyes at him as if trying to see whether this was a lie or not but Severus had stared right back at her and she’d finally nodded and sighed, promising to keep quiet about it.

Although Lily had believed Severus’ declarations that he was fine and just wanted to be alone, his elf didn’t buy it.

Gorgon had frowned when Severus had said that he swore he agreed with the headmaster’s decision and understood it. That frown had turned into a dark scowl when his young master grinned weakly and told his friend he was fine and that she should get back upstairs before missing the other half of History.

After venting his rage at the reckless idiot who had nearly gotten his young master killed, Gorgon was left with an immense worry lodged in his heart.

Severus hadn’t spoken a word the night before and when he’d woken up, he’d lain in bed, staring at the far wall, not saying a word and his thoughts lost and far away behind his black eyes.

It reminded Gorgon of the reclusive silences his young charge would fall into back in the days when they’d lived in the manor. Those silences born of despair and confusion so deep that he crept into himself, trying to find some sort of explanation for what was happening within himself.

Gorgon knew his young master wouldn’t find the answers he was looking for and that all the old elf could do was wait until his young master decided to tell his old, trusted elf what was bothering and confusing him so Gorgon could help. But until then, all he could do was sit by and try to coax him into going upstairs to get a bite to eat or smile a bit.

 

**June 2nd, 1977**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus stared at the open herbology book lying on the table infront of him. He smoothed a finger over the yellowed, worn pages and ignored the slight shaking of the book as it clearly expressed how much it loathed being pulled off the shelf it lived on.

Severus didn’t notice the book’s shaking or the whispering, shaking, rattling and muttering coming from the other books stuffed into the dark shelves of the restricted section of the library.

His eyes were glued to the open page but he couldn’t force his eyes to read another sentence and couldn’t even remember what he had been reading two minutes ago.

He was still numb.

It had been three days since that night.

Three days. He still couldn’t believe it.

He knew that he should be feeling something. Anger probably. At Black. And at Potter. Hatred too. At Lupin. Fear too. At all three of them.

But what he felt was nothing. His elf had pleaded with him to please tell him what was wrong. But Severus couldn’t tell him.

Upon careful reflection, he admitted that he wasn’t feeling nothing, not exactly. He did feel something. But that something was so tiny and so awful that he didn’t want to think about it and a shiver ran down his spine everytime the thought came up.

The headmaster hated him. The headmaster thought he was worthless. The headmaster didn’t care whether he died or not.

And Severus couldn’t figure out why. He couldn’t figure out what he had done that would have angered the headmaster so much or annoyed him so badly.

The obsessive question of why, why, why, swam around his mind, occupying his waking and sleeping hours with such constancy that Severus didn’t have any time to feel anger or hatred or fear towards the three people responsible for this mess in the first place. All he could think about was; why, why, why.

He smoothed another finger down the wrinkled, brittle page, his finger tracing the faded red ink without reading the words it had written.

Why, why, why?

He knew that he had angered the headmaster and annoyed him on a few previous occasions. The constant arguments about dark magic they had, the constant neediness which Severus always felt but loathed when he was around the headmaster, and having been practicing dark magic with Gorgon. But those few instances couldn’t have possibly made the headmaster hate him so badly that he wished him dead. It had to be something else. But what had he done? Why did the headmaster—the kindest man he’d ever met—hate him now?

Why, why, why?

He was so absorbed in the question that he didn’t notice a lone figure walking through the gate and slowly walking up to him until a shadow fell over the book he was blankly staring at.

“Well, I’ve always thought of phylogeny textbooks as a bit dry, but I’ve never seen anybody staring at one with such an utter lack of concentration or interest.” The voice was light and cheerful but tore Severus out of his thoughts as violently as if he’d been screamed at.

Jerking his hand off the page, he twisted his hands together into his lap, forcing them not to shake. Eyes widening, he stared at the textbook. Maybe that was why. The headmaster didn’t think he was paying enough attention to his studies. Dread shot through him as he remembered having skipped so many classes over the past four days.

“I’m sorry, headmaster,” He whispered in a barely audible voice.

He heard the headmaster shifting around slightly before sitting on a chair beside him.

“Severus, dear, what’s wrong?”

Severus continued staring at the book, not daring to look at the headmaster. He didn’t want to see the anger, the disappointment, the loathing in those twinkling blue eyes.

“Nothing, headmaster. I’m fine,” He said, forcing his voice above a whisper. He didn’t want the headmaster thinking he was weak. Suddenly, he thought that perhaps that was it. Perhaps the headmaster thought of him as too weak. He considered his Gryffindors stronger. Maybe that was why.

Or maybe that wasn’t why.

“Severus, I’m worried about you, my dear. I know you’ve been through a horrifying experience but I don’t want you to crawl into yourself like this dear. It isn’t good for you, child. You know you can always come to me and tell me anything. Anything at all, dear. You know that. Or at least, speak to Gorgon. Please, dear. Just don’t keep everything bottled up inside of yourself. It’s always harder to understand things when one keeps them inside and refuses to share them with others. It can blind you.”

Severus didn’t listen. He was barely aware of the old man speaking to him. There was only one word running through his head, his mind feverishly churning out different answers to that little question, different scenarios and reasons streaming past him.

Why, why, why.

Severus found he couldn’t even see the book sitting in front of him anymore. He couldn’t hear the headmaster or see the rest of the library.

He felt blinded and desperately tried to grope his way around in the hazy greyness which was clouding everything. His mind clutched for something—anything—which would keep him grounded and help him see.

All it could grasp was that one tiny word which kept running through his head, colliding with other copies of that tiny word, all streaming together before a hazy, grey blur.

Why, why, why?

 

**June 13th, 1977**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus pulled his blankets up to his chin, his skin still crawling. He resolved never to let the werewolf stand within a meter from him ever again, never mind speak with him. Severus had nearly fainted with fear when Lupin had sidled up to him in the library and quietly asked if they could talk. Severus had stared at him with wide, frightened eyes, paling as memories of crazed yellow eyes, sharp fangs and deranged snarling ran through his mind. While Lupin muttered that he was sorry and would have never forgiven himself if he would have hurt Severus and that he was still angry with Sirius for being so stupid, Severus stared at him, trying to keep from hyperventilating and clenching his potions textbook so hard that he felt his fingertips going numb. Fear had slowly been replaced by rage. Severus found it slightly strange that he wasn’t feeling anger towards of Lupin, but he was feeling scared because of the quiet Gryffindor so the anger flowed out of him and he hissed that he never wanted the filthy werewolf anywhere near him ever again and if Lupin even brushed past him in class, Severus would turn him over to the Ministry and the next time they’d see each other would be at his execution. Lupin’s eyes had clouded with sadness and mild hurt, but he’d immediately backed up and said he’d understood.

Severus clenched his jaw as he remembered the hurt in the quiet sixteen year olds eyes. Filthy werewolves had no right to feel hurt. No. All they deserved to feel was pain. The same pain which Lupin would have caused Severus. For a moment, a tiny voice in his head reminded him that Lupin had felt bad about what had happened and hadn’t meant for it to happen, but Severus ruthlessly shoved that voice away.

Scowling at the stupid voice in his head—which always sounded remarkable like Fawkes—he turned and faced the wall, tightly shutting his eyes and forcing thoughts of werewolves out of his mind. He vaguelly heard his elf coming into the room, locking the door and yawning loudly as the old elf lay down on the bed, pulled his blanket over himself and gently pat his young master’s feet before muttering good night in Elfish. Moments later, Severus fell asleep.

 

_He was running. At first he couldn’t see where he was running due to the darkness surrounding him, but when he glimpsed distant lights twinkling through the inky blackness, he realized the lights were coming from Hagrid’s cabin and he was running across the front lawn._

_From behind him, he heard vicious snarling and the snapping of razor sharp fangs. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw the werewolf madly running after him, yellow eyes glittering in the darkness and fangs eerily reflecting the light from the distant cabin._

_Fear clutched him and he forced his legs to run faster. His heart pounded in his chest and his breath harshly gratted in his ears but he kept running, terrified of the monster behind him._

_It was only after a moment that he realized he wasn’t moving. He looked down and saw that his feet were still madly running but the ground beneath his feet wasn’t moving._

_He heard the snarling getting closer and closer to him and could smell the wet fur, the sour smell of the wolf’s saliva and the claws scraping the ground as it ran towards him._

_He glanced over his shoulder again and saw the wolf gathering itself into a crouch and prepare to lunge._

_His eyes widened and he turned back around. Any moment now, the wolf would jump on him and tear him to pieces. Any moment. Any moment. Any moment._

_Suddenly, he heard the snarling dying down. At first he thought the pounding of his heart was drowning out the vicious snarling, but after a moment, he realized he could hear his breath still gratting in his ears so the snarling must actually be stopping._

_Still running madly and not going anywhere, he glanced over his shoulder, expecting to feel the sharp swipe of claws ripping through his flesh and sharp fangs tearing into him._

_Instead, the wolf was sitting calmly behind him, tail curled around its body. It stared at him with those same yellow eyes, but they seemed calmer and more human somehow._

_Severus slowly forced his legs to stop running and he turned around and stared at the calm beast, his breath still threatening to tear his chest apart._

_He frowned in confusion as he stared at the quietly sitting wolf. Suddenly, the werewolf tilted his head slightly and blinked, and suddenly, his eyes were a crystal clear blue. Severus stared into those eyes, thinking he recognized them and that they were very familiar._

_The wolf continued staring at him with those eyes, a slight twinkle hidden in their depths._

_Suddenly, the wolf opened its jaw and spoke to him._

_“You have found the light but have yet to learn how to use it.” The werewolf said, its voice that of a woman._

_Severus gaped at it. The werewolf parted its lips slightly and looked as if he was smiling at Severus. His blue eyes twinkled one more time. “You have found the light but have yet—but have yet—but have yet to learn how to use it.” The woman’s voice echoed eerily around him._

_Moments later, the smiling werewolf started to blur and fade. The grey of its coat and the blue of its eyes slowly blurred and faded into the surrounding darkness._

_Severus felt a chill surround him and the darkness seemed to become darker. He noticed that he couldn’t see the distant lights from Hagrid’s cabin anymore._

_Moments later, he found himself standing in a large, chilly and pitch dark room. He felt marble tiles beneath his feet and smelt a strong stench of rotting flesh, filth and dampness. He slightly wrinkled his nose. He found the smell strange and unfamiliar. He realized he wasn’t at Hogwarts anymore._

_Suddenly, he saw a small candle being carried along a hallway stretching along high above him. He realized there must be an upper level to this place and he curiously watched as the flickering flame slowly made its way along the hallway._

_It was only when the candle stopped at the top of the large marble staircase stretching up before him that he saw that the candle was clutched in the hands of an elf._

_He frowned, not recognizing the elf immediately._

_The elf was missing an arm and was holding the candle with its other hand. Severus saw a dark chain locked around the thin, mangled looking wrist and saw the chain attached to a hook which had been embedded into a human head. The rotting, sightless head hung from the chain, a few strands of remaining hair flopping onto the staircase._

_The elf stared down at Severus for a moment, eyes blazing with madness._

_It was only then that Severus realized where he was. He was back in the manor. That elf. That elf had been one of his Father’s pleasure elves._

_The elf tilted its head at him before he seemed to recognize him. It suddenly leered at him, revealing a toothless mouth._

_It wiggled its eyebrows down at him and leered some more._

_“Young master must make sure to please master in bed tonight. Master had had long, hard week and it is our responsibility to make sure we please master. That is what we here for.”_

_Severus stared at the elf. He wanted to tell him that their master was dead and had been dead for years. But before he could say any of that, the deranged, leering elf chuckled, a raw, hoarse sound rattling through its throat._

_“We good at what we do, young master. We all learned how to please master, no? This is our duty. We worthless and good for nothing else. We master’s whores.”_

_Severus gaped at the elf. The words sounded oddly familiar to him and he knew he’d heard them before. A lifetime ago._

_Before he had a chance to say anything, he blinked and suddenly, the elf had disappeared. Instead, the werewolf sat patiently on the top of the marble staircase, its eyes still blue and still twinkling slightly from the dozens of candles which had somehow appeared and quietly floated through the darkness._

_The werewolf’s lips curled again and he seemed to smile one more time._

_“Don’t stray from the path of light. Once in darkness, it is terribly hard to find the light again, especially if you keep your eyes shut. With shut eyes, it is possible to stumble through the brightest light while lost in darkness which nobody else can see.”_

_The words were spoken in a hushed whisper, a soft, female voice._

_Severus frowned up at the wolf, wanting to ask what the hell it was doing in the manor and what had happened to the elf._

_Moments later, the wolf got up and slowly padded down the hallway, disappearing into the darkness. Then the elf was there again, leering at him and laughing, the sound harsh and rattling. It slowly lifted its remaining hand, the chain clanging in the silence and it quickly waved a hand a the dozen candles floating behind him._

_Suddenly, the flames went out, leaving Severus trapped in the thick darkness, alone and blind._

 

Severus slowly became aware of a voice quietly talking to him, drifting through the darkness in his mind. He immediately recognized the voice as Gorgon’s.

Feeling gentle hands on him, he forced the darkness out of his mind and allowed his elf’s voice to pull him out of his strange dream.

He opened his eyes and stared at the concerned face of his elf hovering over him.

“Is young master alright?”

Severus took a deep breath, still feeling clammy and cold and the stench of rotting flesh still clinging to his memory’s sense of smell.

He swalllowed and slowly pushed himself up, nodding. “Yeah, I’m fine, elf. Just a strange dream.”

Gorgon pulled his young master’s blanket up to his chin and quickly sat beside him, frowning at him.

“Does young master want to tell Gorgy about dream?”

Severus slowly shook his head. He didn’t want to worry the old elf. His elf would only get agitated at all the strangeness and demand that he go and speak to the headmaster about it.

That was something Severus wanted to avoid at all costs. Besides, how on earth could his elf or the headmaster make sense of his dream if he couldn’t?

He thoughtfully fiddled around with the edge of his blanket as he thought it over.

He was a bit unnerved to discover that he had already forgotten most of it. There had been a werewolf—a smiling one—and he had said something. Something in a strange voice. Severus tried to remember what it had said, but after a moment he shrugged it off. It couldn’t have been that important.

Then he remembered something about an elf. And the manor. Yes, that’s right. It had been in the manor. The elf had said something. Something Severus had heard before. Something about pleasing somebody. Somebody called master.

Suddenly, Severus’ eyes widened as he remembered the elf’s words. The elf was reminding him to please his Father. Reminding him that that was what they were all there for. Reminding him that he was worthless in all other aspects.

Suddenly, Severus’ mind started working feverishly, devouring this new piece of the puzzle and blending it together with that tiny little word which had been occupying his mind for days. Why, why, why.

Now everything made sense.

He sat up straighter, hardly paying attention to what his elf was saying. He was so stupid! So utterly stupid! Of course the headmaster was angry with him and thought he was useless! Of course!

Realizing how stupid he was, he was about to leap up and laugh out loud and swing his elf around the room and tell him that he had figured out how to make the headmaster happy again.

But suddenly, he remembered something else.

He remembered Black.

The headmaster hadn’t expelled him. The headmaster had approved of what Black had tried to do to him. The headmaster cared about Black.

Severus’ eyes widened with horrified realization. Black must have offered himself to the headmaster earlier! That was why the headmaster loved him more than Severus. Black was being much more useful!

Severus felt despair clutching him as he realized he might be too late. Suddenly, he remembered how he had offered himself to the headmaster years ago. And the headmaster had refused him. Severus immediately realized that the headmaster hadn’t even wanted him back then either. Why? Did Black have so much more experience than him? Was Black so much better then him? Or was it simply because he was a Gryffindor and he was a Slytherin and the headmaster would never lower himself to letting a Slytherin serve his sexual needs. A Slytherin who had already been used.

As soon as that thought flew threw his mind, anger flooded him and replaced the despair he had been feeling.

He grit his teeth and narrowed his eyes as he glared at his blanket. He had offered himself to the headmaster. He had always obeyed the headmaster—except for in a few, trivial circumstances—and had always done as the old man asked. And yet, the headmaster despised him. Thought he was a lowly, used up Slytherin. Thought he was worthless. Severus’ anger grew. Why the hell did the headmaster let him stay all these years? Why hadn’t he transferred him? He probably pitied him. A stupid, disgusting, used up whore. That’s what he was. And the headmaster pitied him. Well, pitied him to a point. He was still willing to let his darling Gryffindor pet kill him. He was an annoyance, something stupid and worthless that merely took up room in the headmaster’s precious castle.

Severus was filled with such anger that he started shaking.

“Why is young master so angry? Young master must please tell Gorgy quickly. Gorgy can help.”

Severus stared at his elf, before a slow, bitter smile spread over his face.

“I don’t need help, elf,” He whispered in Elfish, his eyes glowing with rage. “I finally understand everything.”

 

**July 6th, 1977**

**The Hog’s Head Pub**

 

Severus silently sipped his butterbeer, staring out the dirty window at the nightsky. The window wasn’t high enough for him to see any of the stars in the darkness, but he knew where the pub was with respect to Hogwarts and could guess what constellations he should see.

He quietly let himself mull over different star formations before a loud laugh caught his attention. He glanced towards the bar and saw his elf perched on a tall stool, sipping a glass of firewhisky and laughing with the bartender. Severus smiled faintly and shook his head.

He took another sip of his drink and glanced towards the window again. Suddenly, he spied the large, black head of a dragon-like creature gazing into the bar. As soon as their eyes met, the creature tossed its head back and whinnied loud enough for Severus to catch it. He sighed and glared at her.

She didn’t move from the window, only butted the pane with her muzzle. Severus swallowed a groan and glanced around the bar to see if anybody had noticed. It didn’t appear as if anyone had seen her. That was good. He wasn’t sure how he would explain the presence of a thestral standing outside the bar, whinnying for him to hurry up.

Putting his glass down, he made a small, abrupt motion with his hand, urging her to go away and stay somewhere less visible. She snorted and tossed her head, obviously disapproving of his command, but then turned around and trotted off.

Severus rolled his eyes at her. Xira was such a git at times.

Suddenly, a low chuckle behind him nearly made him leap out of his chair. Twisting around, his hand going down to his wand, he was prepared to curse the laughing bastard right out the door.

Years later, he still wondered what had stilled his hand. Why he had sat there, gaping at him instead of shotting a quick curse at him for laughing and getting out the bar? Why he hadn’t run while he had the chance? Maybe, maybe none of it would have happened. Maybe—maybe—maybe—

He recognized the man instantly. It was the blond haired man who always sat by himself in a remote corner of the bar, quietly gazing at him and Evans whenever they crept in to have a drink after running around on Elixa and Xira.

Severus stared at him. The man was laughing, his steel grey eyes dancing meerily. He tossed a strand of his fine blond hair off his forehead and got off his chair and came over to sit at Severus’ table. He leaned back in his chair, looking as if he owned the chair, the bar and everything in it.

He finally stopped his laughing long enough to shake his head and glance out the window.

“They’re an annoying but useful bunch, aren’t they?” he asked, sounding vaguely amused but with a hint of arrogance in his voice as if he was talking about some inconsequential pet of his.

Severus frowned. “Who?”

The man quirked an eyebrow and shot him an amused look. “Why, thestrals, of course.” He said, as if this was the most obvious answer in the world.

His tone of voice made Severus feel small and stupid, even though he knew his question had been a justified one.

He determined right away that he didn’t like this man. That arrogance and possessiveness in his voice made Severus’ skin crawl. He’d known too many people like him in his life. His Father had been exactly like this.

But despite the fact that there was something about him that repulsed Severus, there was something else about him that seemed to draw him towards the man, like a moth towards a flame.

The man acted like a god. There was no other way to phrase it. He acted like a god. He acted as though everything around him belonged to him and the people moving around the bar were here at his invitation and for his amusement and nothing else. And he looked like a god too. Beautiful strands of fine blond hair, perfect steel grey eyes that flashed with faint amusement, and such fine, breathtaking aristocratic features that he made Severus’ breath catch.

He was sitting with a god. He was sure of it.

And that god was speaking to him.

He gaped at the man, already having forgotten how small and stupid he’d made him feel. All that mattered was that he—the loner, the freak, the used up, disgusting, stupid Slytherin whore—was talking to a god. A god who didn’t demand anything of him, a god who didn’t sneer at him and insult him. A god who had come up to him instead of it being the other way around him.

He knew he was gaping at the man, but knew that the man was used to the attention.

Those perfect eyes glittered. Severus saw a pale, beautiful hand stretched out towards him.

“Lucius Malfoy.”

Severus gaped at the hand, afraid to touch it. He couldn’t imagine shaking a god’s hand. He didn’t think he was allowed to shake a god’s hand.

Suddenly, he heard a hiss in his ear telling him in quiet Elfish not to be rude and shake the hand. Instinctively listening to his elf, he grasped the hand. The handshake was firm and that perfect hand engulfed his smaller one just like the man in front of him engulfed everything in the room around him.

“S—Severus, uhm, Snape.” He whispered, gaping at the man.

The man gave him a smile. A dazzling, perfect smile. “Yes, I know.” The man—Mr. Malfoy, that was his name—glanced down at Gorgon. “And this is?”

His elf inclined his head politely. “I is Gorgy, young master’s elf. It is pleasure to make Master Lucius’ acquaintance.” His elf smiled widely at the man.

Severus glanced sideways at his elf. He vaguelly noticed that his elf’s hand was down by the edge of his pillowcase, ready to yank out his wand at a moment’s notice. And there was something in his elf’s eyes—something hard and suspicious—but his smile looked wide and genuine and his tone had been polite so Severus pushed aside the faint feelings of trouble he was sensing from the old elf and turned back to the Mr.Malfoy, who was glancing around the bar.

“And where is your young lady friend, hm? The one who often accompanies you here.”

Severus hardly heard the question, he was busy gazing at the way the god’s lips were moving and the faint, curious quirking of an eyebrow when he asked a question or found something puzzling or amusing. His elf elbowed him roughly in the side and he forced himself to blurt out a response.

“She was—uhm, she was busy tonight. She couldn’t come.”

The man frowned slighly and looked slightly saddened. He sighed quite audibly. “Busy with the boyfriend, isn’t she? Oh, I remember how hard it was in those days. Relationships always ruin the best of friendships, don’t they? Of course, the one in the relationship won’t admit that the friendship has suddenly taken second place, but it always happens, doesn’t it?”

Severus and Gorgon both stiffened, Severus not realizing it hadn’t been for the same reasons. Severus’ eyes narrowed slightly, immediately getting defensive on Evans’ part. “No, it doesn’t always happen. Evans and I are fine.” He said. His voice wavered slightly, still feeling small and wrong when put together with that soothing, soft but brilliantly sparkling voice coming towards him from across the table.

Something in Mr. Malfoy’s eyes seemed to shutter and his smile looked like it froze as he seemed to be thinking something over very rapidly.

His elf was still sitting there, stiff and clenching his jaw. His eyes were still filled with politeness and were still glued to the tabletop respectfully, but from the way he was sitting, Severus sensed there was something that was bothering his elf, but Severus didn’t want to ask in front of the stranger.

They all sat in silence for a moment longer as the man seemed to be thinking something over. Finally, he raised a quiet finger towards the bartender and moments later, a bottle of firewhisky and two glasses arrived.

He leaned over and poured out two glasses. He pushed one of them towards Severus, who immediately pushed it over to his elf, not even thinking about it as he was doing it. He caught Mr. Malfoy raising that amused, perfect eyebrow at him.

Severus felt himself blushing slightly. “My elf doesn’t let me drink pure hard liquor, sir.” He stammered.

An amused smile crossed his face and he chuckled, the sound filling Severus with awe. He had made the god chuckle. He had said something funny enough to amuse a god.

Mr. Malfoy glanced at Gorgon, who had raised the glass and discreetly sniffed it before draining it in one gulp. There was something in Mr. Malfoy’s eyes that Severus couldn’t quite read, but the man’s smile seemed to strain slightly as he looked at the old elf.

Gorgon carefully put the glass down and inclined his head towards Mr. Malfoy. “Gorgy thanks Master Lucius for good firewhisky. 1654 really good year.” He said.

Mr. Malfoy’s smile got even thinner and he stared at the elf before dismissing him completely and raising a finger towards the bartender and quietly asking for another glass of butterbeer for Severus.

When Severus had gotten his drink, Mr. Malfoy raised his glass of whisky towards him.

“To a new friendship.” He said.

Severus stared at him, nearly dropping his glass. Friendship? With him? Him and this god? He sat there, gaping across the table and saw Mr. Malfoy’s glass coming towards his, when suddenly, Gorgon reached between them, grabbing hold of the tall whisky bottle.

Mr. Malfoy’s glass stopped before the elf’s hand and froze. Gorgon took his time picking up the bottle and pouring himself another glass.

“If Master Lucius would excuse elf’s rudeness, Gorgy not thinking young master and Master Lucius know each other well enough to call this friendship.” He said, smiling widely and keeping his eyes glued to the glass he was filling. When he put the whisky bottle back down, he glanced up, meeting the cold, hard grey eyes. Mr. Malfoy’s smile was just as strained as Gorgon’s, but after a moment of staring at each other, Mr. Malfoy nodded and turned his attention back to Severus, who was still staring at him, glass raised in the air.

He shot Severus a brilliant smile. Severus wanted to crawl under the table. That beautiful smile shouldn’t be directed at him. No, only other great, wonderful, beautiful gods should be allowed to see that smile.

“Very well then. Let’s toast to something we already have in common then.” He cleared his throat. “To thestrals; creatures of darkness but also of eternal loyalty and servitude.” He said.

Severus barely heard the toast. He was too busy staring at the glass coming towards his own and he heard the faint click as the glasses touched.

He was hardly aware of his glass coming to his lips but he managed to take a sip without spilling anything on himself, eternally grateful for that. Imagine the embarrassment of spilling something on oneself when in the company of a god!

They drank in silence for a while, simply staring at each other. Severus staring mesmerized at the god sitting across from him, Mr. Malfoy smiling and staring back at him and Gorgon smiling and staring at Mr. Malfoy.

“So,” with a flourish, Mr. Malfoy put his glass back onto the table and leaned his elbows onto it, shooting that beautiful smile towards Severus. “How is good old Hogwarts, hm? It’s been a while since I’ve seen the castle but it couldn’t have changed so much in ten years.”

Severus stared. “You-you went to Hogwarts, sir?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Mr. Malfoy smiled at him. “Why so formal, my dear Severus? We’re both sitting and drinking in a pub, a rather run down pub at that. Formality is definitely not required here. But to answer your question, yes, I went to Hogwarts. I graduated nine years ago. And before you even have to ask, I was and am a Slytherin.”

Severus frowned, slightly confused. “What do you mean you still are a Slytherin, sir? I thought the house designations were purely reserved for school.”

The god chuckled. “Oh, no, no, my dear Severus. You’ll soon learn that the characteristics which put somebody into their house stay with them for the rest of their lives and are in fact amplified. In ten years from now you’ll find you’re even more of a Slytherin than you are now, believe me.”

Severus continued staring at him, not believing his good luck. He was not only talking to a god, but a Slytherin too. A Slytherin who had gone to Hogwarts.

Mr. Malfoy tilted his head at him. “You never answered my previous question.”

It took Severus a good few moments to remember what question it had been and then he immediately shifted around, not knowing how to answer it.

Mr. Malfoy’s steel grey eyes dug into him for a moment longer until he smiled and leaned back in his chair. “Not a big talker, are we? Well, alright then. I’ll make it easier. I’ll ask simpler questions, then, hm?” He poured himself another glass of firewhisky and then leaned back. “So, how are your other housemates liking the thought of graduating next year, hm? If I remember correctly, the common room was a buzz with more rumors and tears that final year than any other. Most of our parents had already arranged for careers and marriages for most of us, but the few who got to choose their own way were the talk of the whole house.” He laughed, probably remembering his own school days.

Severus shifted around uncomfortably. Of all the things to discuss, why did he have to drag up his fellow Slytherins? Knowing that the god before him must have been one of the most popular people in his year and probably the whole school made Severus feel even smaller and pathetic than before.

“Uhm, I’m not really friends with other Slytherins, sir,” he said quietly.

Mr. Malfoy frowned slightly, not in anger but in sad disappointment. “Oh, really? That’s terrible. You’re missing out on the best friendships one could possibly have.”

Severus felt slightly stung by that remark. “I already have one of the best friendships I could possibly have, sir.”

Mr. Malfoy raised an amused, doubtful eyebrow. “Oh, really? With the mudblood Gryffindor? You can’t be serious.”

At that, both Gorgon and Severus stiffened and their eyes narrowed at the stranger. Gorgon was practically seething but Severus wanted to crawl under the table, afraid to anger the god sitting before him. But then he realized he couldn’t just let those comments lie there and decided he had to stand up for Evans.

“Yes, I am serious. We’ve been best friends for years, sir, and although I don’t see what business it is of yours, she resents being called a mudblood and I won’t stand to have her addressed as such, and furthermore, her being a Gryffindor hasn’t had any effect on our friendship what so ever.”

For a moment, Mr. Malfoy looked disappointed for some reason, but then quickly replaced that with a look of faint surprise at the strong outburst. But then he chuckled and weakly held up a hand. “Alright, alright, I’d like to apologize. I was merely surprised that the friendship is genuine. You’ll have to forgive me. I don’t socialize with Gryffindors or mudbloods.”

Severus felt slightly irritated at the man using that stupid word again, but then decided to forget about it. His elf was still seething and Severus shot him a sharp glance before refilling the elf’s glass.

Mr. Malfoy stared at the bar, his thoughts unreadable. He seemed to be mulling something over again.

Finally, the older man seemed to think of something else. “So, let me see if I understand this. You’re a Slytherin who doesn’t socialize with other Slytherins, but seems to be content running around with Gryffindors?”

That remark irritated Severus to no end. He found that raw, hot anger flooding him and his eyes narrowed, remembering Black, Potter and Lupin. One was the headmaster’s precious pet, the other always ran around trying to play hero to get attention and prove that Severus was so weak that he needed the golden boy’s help all the time, and the last one was a werewolf.

He narrowed his eyes at the tabletop. “No, sir. It’s true I’ve never spent much time with other Slytherins, but I despise all other Gryffindors. They’re loathsome, lazy, arrogant and stupid gits.”

Mr. Malfoy laughed outloud at that. “Too true, my dear Severus, too true. They’re a bothersome lot, aren’t they? I despise them all too.”

A sudden, warm feeling flooded Severus and he found himself smiling slightly. For a moment, he felt confused. He didn’t understand the warm feeling flooding him, but upon quick reflection he realized he felt understood. This god, this beautiful, perfect Slytherin god understood him and agreed with him.

Mr. Malfoy tilted his head at him. “What’s so amusing?”

Severus blushed slightly. “Uhm, nothing really, sir. I was just surprised that you would agree with me.”

Mr. Malfoy laughed again. “You don’t get out much, do you? I’m not the only one who despises Gryffindors and everything they stand for. There are quite a large bunch of us.”

Severus stared at him, feeling interested. “Really? Who?”

Mr. Malfoy waved a hand at him dismissively. “Oh, never mind that, young one. Now tell me, how is school going?”

Severus’ face fell slightly when he realized there was something the god was keeping from him. Something obviously important and something he yearned to know. A large bunch of people who despised Gryffindors? It sounded like a dream come true.

And instead, the god changed the topic to academics. For once in his life, Severus didn’t want to discuss school.

He shrugged. “Fine.”

“Just fine? How were your exams?”

“They went fine. I didn’t get my NEWT results for potions back yet but the ministry doesn’t send out the marks until the middle of July.”

Mr. Malfoy raised an eyebrow. “I thought you were in sixth year.”

“I am but I skipped a year in potions. I wrote my NEWT this year.”

The god continued looking impressed, but not really surprised. “Well, aren’t we a bright young one, hm?”

Severus blushed slightly at the compliment. Imagine a god calling him bright!

He didn’t notice his elf narrowing his eyes and twitching around on his chair. All he was aware of was the smile that was directed right at him and those precious words which still rang through his mind.

“You like school, don’t you, young one?”

Severus nodded apprehensively, waiting for the god to frown and call him a freak. Instead, the god nodded and smiled. “Well, I’m not surprised. You strike me as the very studious type. Top of the class?”

Severus nodded shyly. “Yes, sir. Six years in a row.”

Both eyebrows went up this time. “In a row? That’s a very impressive accomplishment. Congratulations, young one. You must be very gifted.”

Severus found himself blushing a shade redder. The god had just called him gifted. Gifted! Him! All these years all anybody had described him as was a freak and this god was calling him gifted! That warm feeling flooded through him again.

Mr. Malfoy’s eyes sparkled at him. Then he glanced down at a pocketwatch he’d pulled out of his robe. “Well, would you look at the time! I didn’t realize how late it was! I really must be off, young one, my apologies.”

Panic and despair flooded Severus. He didn’t want the god to leave. He wanted him to stay and talk with him for the rest of his life.

The god chuckled when he saw the crestfallen look on Severus’ face. “Don’t worry, young one. We’ll see each other again. I regularily come here every Wednesday. You can come and talk to me whenever you want.”

Shooting Severus one last dazzling smile, he stood up, smoothing his hair back and pulling his crisp, midnight black robes on straight he strode briskly towards the door, everyone in his path quickly moving out of his way.

Severus stared after him and continued staring long after the door shut behind the departing god.

 

*             *             *

 

“Gorgy not liking this Master Lucius,” his elf declared the moment they were back in the castle, safely locked in their room.

Severus pulled his cloak off and tossed it onto his chair and threw a frown over his shoulder, his good mood evaporating. He’d been floating in bliss ever since they left the pub and had ridden back on Xira, remembering those precious words—“You must be very gifted.”—and the way the god had smiled at him.

And now Gorgon wanted to ruin it all.

“Why on earth not, elf? He’s like a god.”

His elf crossed his arms over his chest and his frown deepend. “That is exact reason Gorgy not like him.”

“Because he’s a god?”

His elf sighed. “No, because young master is completely— _completely_ infatuated with Master Lucius.”

“So? Who wouldn’t be, elf? Didn’t you see him or hear him? He must have been made in heaven, elf.”

“More like made in hell,” Gorgon muttered, but quietly enough that his young master wouldn’t hear him.

Severus threw himself onto his bed and smiled in blissful content. He was gifted. He was a ‘bright one’.

Gorgon rolled his eyes at his young master and went to sit beside him. “Young master must shake off this crazy behavior and listen to Gorgy.”

Severus closed his eyes, trying to make his elf disappear or at least shut up by a sheer force of will. But when he heard the old elf leaning against the wall and making himself comfortable, he sighed in annoyance, knowing Gorgon wouldn’t go away until he’d said his piece.

Sighing loudly, Severus opened his eyes.

“Alright, what?”

“Gorgy want young master to promise never to go see Master Lucius again.”

The blissful contentment faded from Severus’ eyes and he stiffened, glaring at his elf.

“And why shouldn’t I?”

“Because elf not liking Master Lucius. Master Lucius knows too much and smiles too much and has too much behind his eyes. He after something and Gorgy not wanting to see young master hurt.”

Severus clenched his jaw. “He isn’t after anything but genuine friendship, elf, you heard him. He’s nice and listens to me and understands me. He called me gifted, elf!”

Gorgon sighed. “Grindelwald! Yes, Gorgy heard this, and you know what other people have been calling young master gifted for years, huh? Miss Lily has and headmaster has.”

Severus immediately stiffened at the mention of the headmaster. “The headmaster knows nothing, elf.”

His elf stared at him. “What is young master saying?”

“The headmaster doesn’t care about anyone except his precious Gryffindors. If he ever said I possessed the merest hint of intelligence it was just because he pitied me. But Mr. Malfoy doesn’t pity me. He likes me. He wants to be friends with me. He said so himself.”

His elf sighed and stared at him with despair. “No, young master must please listen to Gorgy—”

“No. I don’t want to listen. I’ve finally found a friend, a friend who’s a Slytherin and a friend who really understands me and likes me. Not someone who constantly whines and wants me to talk about things like Evans and not someone who just pities me and despises me like the headmaster. I don’t care if you don’t like Lucius Malfoy because all that matters is that he likes me and I don’t care what you say but I can’t wait until next Wednesday so I can tell him all sorts of things he’ll laugh about and say I’m bright and he’ll understand me and won’t be judgemental like all of you.”

Gorgon silently stared at his young master, seeing the angry fire in his eyes and the determined clench of his jaw. He’d seen this look on his young charge before. A lifetime ago. When he was trying to convince his young master that he was wrong about that muggle having deserved the brutal death his nine year old young master had delivered to him. His young master hadn’t listened to him and understood him back then and he wasn’t doing it now either.

Gorgon just prayed that he would find a way to make his young master understand this time around before it was too late.

 

*             *             *

 

Severus anxiously awaited next Wednesday. He flew through his chores and barely paid attention to the seventh year textbooks he was supposed to be skimming through. He had written to Evans but had carefully left out any mention of Mr. Malfoy. He had realized that his fiery friend and his elf tended to agree on a lot of issues and if Evans was against him seeing his new Slytherin friend again then Severus didn’t want to hear it. Besides, he didn’t want to be sent a Howler in the kitchen or the library and be embarrassed. He had been quite worried that his elf would run off to the headmaster to tell him about Mr. Malfoy, but after making his elf swear not to tell he wasn’t too worried about the nosy, arrogant Gryffindor finding out. Besides, the headmaster and that stupid bird were away on official business and wouldn’t be back for two more weeks.

When Wednesday finally came around, Gorgon declared that he would be accompanying his young master to the Hog’s Head, but Severus’ mood darkened considerably at that. He didn’t want his elf coming along and spoiling it all and straining Mr. Malfoy’s beautiful smiles and interupting their wonderful conversations with stupid comments. He didn’t want his elf’s suspicions and resentment towards the older man ruining the wonderful evening he had been thinking about for the past week. So he casually wandered up to the infirmary and told Madame Pomfrey that Gorgon had been wanting to ask for more shifts recently but hadn’t had the courage to. The nurse had right away said that she would love to have Gorgon around more, and then Severus had gotten her to agree to offer Gorgon more shifts—starting from tonight—but not making it seem as if the shifts were coming as a favor, but as a genuine need. His elf’s face had fallen considerably when he found out that Madame Pomfrey absolutely needed him that night and he tried convincing his young master not to go, but Severus had waved off his concern, grinned and said he’d be careful and have lots of fun and that he promised he wouldn’t drink any firewhisky. His elf had given him a long look before muttering that the firewhisky wasn’t what he was worried about.

After finally getting his elf off his back, he ran out, hopped on Xira and rode to the edge of the castle grounds. From there, impatience gnawed at him and he hopped off and apparated the rest of the way to the shady pub.

Mr. Malfoy greeted him with a wide smile and a cheerful greeting saying it was so good to see him again. Severus noticed the way the older man’s eyes drifted around him and the careful question as to the whereabouts of his elf, but Severus shrugged off the question, saying Gorgon was busy. That seemed to thrill Mr. Malfoy even more and he immediately ordered Severus a glass of butterbeer and asked him how his week had been.

Although shy at first, Severus gradually opened up to the gentle, interested questions Mr. Malfoy asked. He found himself telling the older Slytherin all about the scholarship he’d gotten, the cake they’d made for Myrtle’s deathday and how he had been allowed to help Professor Bodin prepare demonstration potions for a conference he was attending. Mr. Malfoy seemed interested in everything, leaning across the table and paying rapt attention to everything. He never called him a freak or dismissed him. When Severus mentioned helping Professor Bodin with the potions, Mr. Malfoy started asking all kinds of questions; whether he liked potions, whether he was often allowed to help with special projects and so on.

Severus started looking forward to their weekly meetings more and more. As the summer wore on, they started discussing other issues as well, issues like literature, history and dark arts. Severus couldn’t believe it the first time Mr. Malfoy made an off-hand reference to an ancient curse Severus had spent years reading about. He had never heard anybody but his elf discussing dark magic with such frankness and such confidence, and it dazzled him. Enthralled, Severus eagerly asked him more questions about the curse and then told him all he knew about it, citing the books he’d read the facts in and various uses of the curse. Mr. Malfoy’s eyebrows quirked in that familiar way, and he chuckled before calling him a ‘bright young one’ again and filling Severus with that familiar, warm feeling. They spent hours discussing dark arts. Severus was amazed to discover how much Mr. Malfoy knew about dark magic and whenever Severus heard of something he hadn’t learned about, he pleaded to be told more and then listened eagerly, absorbing every precious word the god sitting before him told him. For the first time in weeks, Severus started to feel happy. Whenever he was with Mr. Malfoy he was able to forget about his hatred for the headmaster, Black, Potter, Lupin and that stupid phoenix and his disappointment with his elf for not understanding. All his anger and hatred floated away and he was left with such contentment that he loathed seeing the golden watch sliding out of Mr. Malfoy’s robes and that aristocratic face falling slightly as he declared he had to go.

His elf still begged him not to keep talking to Mr. Malfoy, but Severus hardly paid the old elf any attention anymore. His elf just didn’t understand. Neither would Evans—if he ever told her. Mr. Malfoy was the kind of friend he had waited his whole life for. He listened to him, laughed with him—not at him—and liked discussing the same things that Severus did.

As far as Severus was concerned, he didn’t need the headmaster or his elf or Evans or anybody else anymore. He had Mr. Malfoy and everything was perfect.

His elf gradually stopped arguing about it since he finally realized that nothing he could say would change Severus’ mind. When the headmaster returned, Severus made Gorgon swear an Elven promise not to tell the nosy Gryffindor anything about Mr. Malfoy, and Gorgon became bound by the special restraints of his own kind’s magic to keep his word.

But despite his young master’s demands that he not talk to the headmaster, Gorgon secretly met with Gabby and told her to ask the headmaster to try and spend some more time with Severus and try to mend the rift between them. Since he hadn’t spoken directly to the headmaster, Gorgon had no reason to severely punish himself or fear his young master’s wrath.

Gabby had right away gone to the headmaster to relay his message and Dumbledore was desperately eager to mend some of the broken threads between him and his darkling child. He finally approached him a few days before school was due to start again and asked him if he’d like to accompany him and Fawkes to Diagon Alley for their annual shopping trip. Severus stared at him blankly for a few moments, no glimmer of expression in his eyes. Finally, he quietly said he had no desire to go anywhere and that he had a few more chapters to skim over before term started. Then he had turned back to his book, ignoring the headmaster completely. Dumbledore hardly managed to hide the pain which those words evoked within him, but he realized that Severus must just be having a bad day and that pushing him would only make the situation worse.

So he went to Diagon Alley with Fawkes as his sole companion. He stopped by Madame Malkin’s shop and bought Severus a new robe, making up a half hearted excuse as to why his usual shopping companion wasn’t with him. He went down to the kitchen as soon as he got back, having been told by Sir Nick that his darkling child was helping Mixie clean up from dinner. He pushed open the door and was immediately engulfed by happy laughter and sparkling eyes. But his heart didn’t dance as it usually did when he saw his children happy and enjoying life since his eyes immediately sought out the lone figure standing by the sink and carefully washing dishes. He waited a few moments to see if Severus would turn around, but the sixteen year old kept on scrubbing dishes and rinsing the soapy water off them, not once sparing a glance towards the man standing behind him. The headmaster tried to think of something to say, but couldn’t think of anything that wouldn’t sound moronic. So he gently flicked his hand at a spot on the flour covered table and wiped it clean. Then he gently put the folded new robe onto it. Slowly turning, the headmaster left the kitchen, the figure at the sink never pausing in his washing.

The next morning, the headmaster woke up to find the same, neatly folded black robe sitting on his desk with a small note from Severus saying he was perfectly capable of buying his own robes and didn’t need the headmaster for anything.

 

**Nov. 13th, 1977**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus fidgeted nervously in his seat. He wanted charms to be over. Never in his entire life had he so badly wanted Professor Flitwick to suddenly say he was dying and he was terribly sorry but he had to end class early.

He fiddled around with his quill, not noticing the sudden splatter of ink which covered his parchment. He felt his eyes darting around the classroom and suddenly found himself staring at her again.

Why, oh why did he have to have NEWT charms with Ravenclaws? Why not Hufflepuffs? In fact, he admitted to himself that he wouldn’t mind putting up with a few Gryffindors either. Why couldn’t Evans be sitting there instead of her? Then he wouldn’t be staring and blushing.

He knew he was staring again and he knew she could look up at any moment but he couldn’t look away. She was intently listening to Professor Flitwick, a tiny frown on her forehead. Her head was tilted slightly like it always was when she was listening to someone. Her hand was tightly clutching that dark blue quill of hers and she was quietly scribbling down notes. Severus quietly watched her, imagining her tiny, unbelievably neat script filling the parchment. She paused in her scribbling momentarily to push her glasses back up her nose and scowled faintly when a strand of her hair fell across her face and she had to pause her writing even longer to push it out of the way.

Suddenly, she glanced up and stared back at him. Just like that. It actually took Severus a few moments to realize that she was staring right back at him. When he did, he immediately felt himself blushing and was about to Avada Kedavra himself when she smiled at him.

Severus gaped at her. She had smiled at him. Lissandra Kaybourne had smiled at him. Him!

She glanced at Flitwick and then quietly rolled her eyes, that smile still curling her lips.

Severus found himself smirking slightly, not knowing if it was because of Lisa’s casual impudence or the fact that she was actually smiling at him.

He didn’t know how long they smiled at each other before Lisa sighed softly and went back to staring at Flitwick and scribbling notes.

Severus shook himself out of his daze and forced his numb fingers to pick up his quill. He had to appear calm and studious. Yes, that’s right. She might smile at him some more. Calm. Right. Studious. Right. What in Merlin’s name was Flitwick talking about?

Thankfully class was just about to end. He hurriedly stuffed his things into his bag and stood up. If he was the first out the door then he wouldn’t chance running into her. A part of him really want to linger and see if she’d smile at him one more time, but the chance of her laughing at him and saying that actually she was smiling at someone else was too great, so he figured running away would solve all his problems. That way, he wouldn’t even have to chance dealing with disappointment.

Just as he was about to push his chair back under the desk and head towards the door, he heard Professor Flitwick calling him. Sighing under his breath and resisting the urge to ignore him and make a run for the door, Severus forced himself to turn around and wiped the annoyance off his face.

“Yes, Professor?”

The tiny Professor hopped off his stack of books. “I just wanted a quick word, Severus. Has Professor Bodin discussed the interm report the ministry has requested from all the scholarship finalists?”

Severus nodded, barely paying attention. Lisa was slowly packing up her things. Come on. Hurry up and leave. She sighed softly and frowned that little frown again as she rummaged around in her bag, obviously looking for something. Severus grit his teeth. Why couldn’t she hurry up?

With extreme difficulty, he forced himself to focus on Flitwick again.

“— was just wondering if you wanted to wait until this Friday’s test has been graded and included on the report or if you want me to give Professor Bodin your current grade?”

Severus blinked a few times, still mentally willing for Lisa to hurry up and pack her things quickly.

“Uhm, if you think you can grade the test in time, sir, I’d like to wait until it’s been included.”

Professor Flitwick nodded, smiling at him. “Of course, of course. That wouldn’t be a problem.”

The small professor’s eyes danced merrily and he squealed slightly, rubbing his hands together.

“Oh, I still can’t believe it. Hogwarts hasn’t had a Fannus Dingle Award winner in over twenty years. Oh, the professors at Durmstrang are going to be green in the face if you win, Severus. And of course you’ll win. I have the upmost confidence in you, my dear boy.” He was nodding again, smiling at him.

Severus shifted around and glanced down at the floor. “Uhm, thank you, sir.” He muttered, not really knowing what to say.

Professor Flitwick nodded again and then turned around to start arranging some papers, leaving Severus to turn around and flee towards the door. Lisa was still getting her things together and Severus knew he had a chance. A small chance, but a chance nonetheless.

He strode towards the door, forcing himself not to run. Class hadn’t started yet so the corridors would be crammed with people. If he could just reach that door then he could hide amongst the crowd and be safe. Just a few more feet. Just a few more—

“I didn’t know you were so anxious to get to arithmancy,” Came a quiet, amused voice from right behind him.

Severus tried to pause and keep walking at the same time and the result was that he nearly stumbled and fell flat on his face. Catching himself just in time, he half turned and gaped at her. Lisa hadn’t said a word to him since that day when he had shown her that backdoor to the castle on their way to class together and that had been years ago.

He realized he was gaping at her still and was blocking the doorway. “Uhm—”

She smiled and tossed a strand of hair over her shoulder, not noticing—or tactfully ignoring—his speechlessness. “I mean, I know Professor Vector’s rambling is fascinating and having two quizzes this week is going to be so much fun, but please, there’s no need to sprint to the class.”

Severus found himself smiling. She pushed past him and started walking down the hallway, but when she realized he was still standing frozen in the doorway, she paused and shot him an amused look.

“When I said there’s no need to sprint to class I didn’t mean you should stand there completely frozen either. That way you’ll never get to class.”

She wanted to walk with him. She was actually waiting for him to walk with her. He blinked a few times and still found himself incapable of moving.

Suddenly, he spied a redhead casually leaning against a statue farther down the corridor. She was staring at him with wide green eyes and was madly mouthing something at him and gesturing for him to move.

When he kept standing there, gaping at Lisa, he saw Evans’ eyes narrowing and knew she’d curse him to high hell if he didn’t do this. Slowly, he forced his legs to move.

When he had caught up to her, she started walking again, slowly making her way down the corridor, pushing through the crowd. Severus realized his hands were shaking and he put them into his pockets to hide them. He knew they had a long corridor to walk down and the crowd of people would slow them down even more. He wanted to do something to make this moment special—because he knew it would never happen again—but he had no idea what. Suddenly, he glanced up and saw Evans mouthing something at him. He frowned, trying to figure out what she was saying.

‘Talk to her’ she was saying, eyes huge and waiting for the miracle to happen. Severus stared at her. Talk to her? Talk to her about what? As he mulled this problem over, his thoughts were suddenly interupted by her sigh.

She made a face. “Did you finish reading chapter 7?” she asked.

Severus nearly fainted from relief. She’d just solved his problem for him. They could talk about school. Sure. He could do that. It couldn’t be any different than talking to Evans about school.

“I skimmed it but the last two sections were basically a repeat of—”

“Chapter 3? Yes, I know. It’s a little disappointing. I thought they would go into more details on the derivation theory behind—”

“Leyton’s Law?”

She smiled at him and tilted her head in that special way. “Yes. Oh, it’s so nice to speak to someone who appreciates class the same way I do.”

Severus found himself smiling too. He couldn’t believe he was talking to someone else—someone his age—who liked learning and who put as much effort into their studies as he did. Evans would already be snoring by the time he finished saying the ‘L’ in Leyton’s name.

He was about to blurt out something else about Leyton’s Law but remembered how Evans would always sigh and call him a geek if he said such things. But then he remembered what she had just said and decided to give it a try. After all, had Evans said to talk to her. Evans hadn’t specified what topics would be ‘safe’.

“Well, there’s a book in the library which has the complete derivation in it.” He said carefully, ready for her look of incredulous disgust. But it never came. Instead, she raised her eyebrows and glanced at him.

“Really? Do you remember what it’s called? I’d love to have a look at it.”

“I don’t remember the title but it’s by Roland Kirby.”

She nodded. “Do they explain the derivation as well?”

Severus frowned, trying to remember. “A bit. I had to puzzle some of it out.”

She nodded and pushed her glasses up her nose again. She looked slightly worried. “Well, I think I’ll go read it tonight, but if I don’t get something could you help me before class tomorrow?”

He stared at her. Lisa was asking him for help.

She must have mistaken his incredulous silence for something else because she smiled. “Oh, I didn’t mean two seconds before class starts, but I just remembered that tomorrow we both have an hour break between DADA and Arithmancy. We could meet in the library, if that’s okay.”

He stared at her. She had just said she wanted to meet him tomorrow and she was asking him if it was alright?

“Uhm, yeah, sure. Uhm, that’d be great,” He stammered. Then he realized he might have sounded a bit too enthusiastic about offering her homework help. “I mean, sure, that would be okay. I usually go to the library during my break anyway so—”

“Well, well, well. Look what we have here. Snivellus, haven’t I emphasized it enough over the years that you shouldn’t talk to normal, decent people?”

Severus froze, his mouth still open. He abruptly shut his mouth and gripped his wand. He slowly turned around, facing the taller Gryffindor.

He stared at the arrogant glint in the dark eyes and the way he held his arms crossed over his chest and stood there like a peacock. Surprisingly, he didn’t feel angry or filled with hatred at the sight of him. And he didn’t feel intimidated either.

He was standing here and talking to Lissandra Kaybourne and nothing the arrogant pig said would change that.

“Hasn’t your mother ever told you not to interupt people’s conversations, Black?” he asked quietly, venom in his voice but the words spoken surprisingly lightly.

Black’s eyebrows shot up as he stared down his nose at him. It wasn’t often that Severus talked back to him.

“Well, aren’t we thinking highly of ourselves today, huh?”

Lisa frowned slightly. “Sirius, please leave him alone. We were talking and you’re being terribly rude.”

Black smirked with amusement and stared at her. “You were talking? To him?” he asked with complete disbelief and waved a limp hand towards Severus.

Severus found himself stiffening. He felt the first tendrils of intimidation creeping up his spine, but he saw Evans still casually leaning against the statue and glaring at Black. She narrowed her eyes at her fellow Gryffindor and then raised her eyebrows at Severus and nodded her chin at Black, obviously telling him not to take it.

Severus slowly opened his mouth and tell Black that yes, Lisa was talking to him and they had been having a nice conversation and that she had started it and he hadn’t forced her to speak to him and he wasn’t as stupid and disgusting as Black had tried to convince the rest of the world he was for the past six years.

But before he had a chance, Black started laughing. The laughter rang loudly through the corridor and people who had been walking by or talking in small groups slowed down and glanced over. A few of them gathered around. Severus recognized them. They were some of the die hard audience members. Although most of the school had gotten sick of Black’s incessant taunts and insults, a few of them never did, especially that small mousy kid, Pettigrew or whatever the git’s name was.

Black tossed strands of his hair off his forehead and stared Lisa up and down.

“Well, I never knew Ravenclaws settled for such greasy trash, but it’s really none of my business.”

Lisa looked slightly taken aback by the insults and she quickly glanced at Severus, who was staring at the floor, his eyes dark and empty.

“But, I feel it’s my duty as a Gryffindor to warn you about what you’re getting into. You see, our dear friend Snivellus here is a lot more work than he’d make you belief. You’d have to force him to shower all the time and keep his nose clean since he never does it himself.” Black sighed loudly. “I mean, James and I have tried to educate him over the years, but some people just never learn. Poor thing. But don’t hold it against him. He’s just stupid. Not his fault really. He must get it from his parents. Bet they are both greasy and dirty all the time too.”

Severus glared at the floor, anger flooding him. Black was insulting his mother. Sure, he hadn’t ever really known his mother, but she had sacrificed her life for him and she hadn’t been greasy or dirty. She had been beautiful and strong and Black had no right to say anything about her.

Seeing the anger in his eyes, Black pretended to look concerned. “What, Snivellus? Did I forget to mention something?” Black tilted his head and pretended to think it over. Suddenly, he smacked his forehead with his hand. “Oh, of course. Lisa, I hope you’re not thinking about messing around with him, are you? Merlin, I hope not. I mean, you never know how many other people have been there and done that you know and you never know what you might catch. One always has to be careful around filthy whores.”

Severus clenched his jaw, humiliation flooding him as people snickered around him and stared at him with disgust. He saw Lisa look shocked and slightly worried as she stared at him, waiting for him to say something but he couldn’t think of anything.

He felt sick. Memories flooded his mind of a bed and tall bedposts and sweaty bedsheets and blood and pain and fear and the sound of the floorboards finally creaking under the weight of someone walking out the door.

The sniggers and cries of ‘ew’ echoed around him and he felt like he was going to burst into tears right here. Without another word, he spun around and ran off, ignoring the looks of disgust and the whispering that followed him. All he wanted to do was get away.

He ran down the corridor and up a nearby staircase and then into an empty classroom and threw himself into the grate and didn’t stop running or clenching his jaw until he reached his room and threw himself onto his bed, his face buried in his pillow.

He lay there for a few moments, his mind whirling with that jeering laughter and the look on Lisa’s face. She was completely disgusted. He knew she was.

 

*             *             *

 

Anger and bitter humiliation still coursing through his veins, he slowly leapt off Xira and landed on the soft grass bordering the Forbidden Forest. He stood there for a moment, staring around the slowly gathering darkness surrounding him. The forest was so quiet. The night creatures hadn’t begun to stir yet and the creatures of the sun had settled down for sleep already.

He hated them all. He hated everything and everyone around him. He clenched his jaw, feeling that hot anger threaten to burst through his skin.

His thestral softly whinnied beside him and butted his hand with her muzzle, wondering what was bothering her young rider.

Severus yanked his hand back and scowled down at her. “Don’t touch me,” he hissed.

Xira stared at him silently with her huge, white eyes before taking a few steps back.

Severus pulled his cloak tighter around himself and glanced towards the distant outskirts of Hogsmeade. “You can stay or you can leave. I don’t care,” He muttered.

Xira took a few cautious steps forward and gently nipped at his cloak, telling him she would be here when he got back.

Severus pulled his cloak out of her reach and shrugged. “Fine.”

Without another word, he pulled out his wand, quickly pictured the Hogs Head’s door in his mind and muttered the apparation charm under his breath. Closing his eyes, he felt the wind tearing past him and wished it could take his anger and his hatred and filthiness with it, but knew they were a part of him as much as his magic was.

Feeling his feet making contact with the ground, he stumbled slightly and opened his eyes. For some reason, apparating had made him feel even dirtier than before. Scowling darkly and hating himself, he shoved open the creaky old door and walked inside.

Walking over to the furthest table from the door, he dropped into a chair and hunched over, not wanting anybody to notice him or talk to him.

He quickly glanced around but knew he wouldn’t see Mr. Malfoy since it was still fairly early. He found that he didn’t really mind. He didn’t want to tell Mr. Malfoy what Black had said and what memories had been dredged up in his mind. He wasn’t afraid that Mr. Malfoy would agree with Black and laugh at him—since he was the kindest, nicest, most understanding man in the world and would never do that—but Severus always felt dirty and small compared to the other man anyway and didn’t want to do anything to make it too obvious.

He was so absorbed with glaring at the tabletop and hating Black and all the other saintly, holier than thou Gryffindors—except for Evans of course—that he didn’t notice the bartender glancing over at him and then reaching down and picking up a small, dirty looking pocket mirror. Flipping it open, the old man muttered a few words into it and then shut it again and casually stuck it into his pocket before going back to scrubbing glasses.

Severus clenched his jaw. He wanted them all to die. All of them. Black, Potter, Lupin, the headmaster, all other Gryffindors and that stupid bird. He hated them all.

He was so absorbed in his anger that he didn’t hear soft footsteps coming up behind him. Only when a friendly hand clapped down on his shoulder, did he react.

Face twisting into a scowl and immediately jerking away from the contact, he yanked his wand out and spun around, pointing his wand into the very surprised and slightly amused face of Lucius Malfoy.

“Well, we’re in a very cheery mood today, aren’t we?” he said lightly, sounding quite amused. Immediately, hot embarrassment flooded Severus’ cheeks and he abruptly shoved his wand back up his sleeve and stared down at the floor. Great. Not only did the entire school think he was stupid but now Mr. Malfoy did too.

“I’m sorry, sir. I over reacted. I didn’t realize it was you.”

A chuckle. “Well, that much was obvious. It’s quite alright. I’m just glad you pause to have a look before firing. There are simply too many people in this world who don’t.”

He swung himself around the table and gracefully let himself fall into the chair across from Severus. Severus glanced up at him and Mr. Malfoy flashed him that kind, understanding smile.

He felt a tiny bit of his anger evaporated and turned into that warm, enveloping feeling he always got around the older man. Here was a person who would understand him. Who wouldn’t laugh at him. Who would be on his side.

Mr. Malfoy raised a finger to the bartender and moments later, two bottles of butterbeer appeared on their table. He tapped the two bottles with the tip of his wand and the caps popped off. He slid one across the table towards Severus who listlessly picked it up and took a sip. He glared darkly at the table top, not noticing the thoughtful look Mr. Malfoy was giving him.

They sat in silence for a while until Mr. Malfoy finally leaned over the table and tilted his head.

“So, do you want to tell me what’s bothering you or do I have to guess?”

Severus glanced at him and shifted around. Suddenly he was regretting having run out to the pub so hastily. Being angry by himself in his room would be a lot easier than having to face Mr. Malfoy’s disgust, annoyance and irritation when he finally realized what a loser he really was.

He shrugged and kept his gaze firmly glued onto the table top and traced the label on the cool bottle.

“It’s nothing.”

Mr. Malfoy raised one of those elegant eyebrows. “Really? Well, pardon me for assuming something was wrong. I understand it’s perfectly normal to be sitting in a pub all by one’s self in the middle of the day while classes are in session.”

Severus blushed faintly but didn’t respond. Mr. Malfoy continued looking at him with gentle, coaxing eyes and took a sip of his butterbeer.

“So, it looks like I will have to guess. Alright, you did badly on a test.”

Severus shook his head.

“No,” he said.

Mr. Malfoy nodded. “Yes, I didn’t think so. Otherwise, I would be forced to talk you down from the astronomy tower.”

Severus managed a faint smile but it faded as soon as it had come.

They sat in silence for a bit more until finally, Severus glanced up and stared back into those kind, grey eyes.

Suddenly, he found himself talking. At first, he wasn’t aware that he had even opened his mouth, but after a few sentences, he found himself incapable of stopping the flood angry words.

He told him everything. About Black, about Potter, about Lupin and the headmaster. He left out certain details—such as the headmaster’s preference for Gryffindor sluts—but he told him how they had humiliated him and made fun of him for years and how that stupid werewolf had tried to kill him and the headmaster had approved of the plan and hardly punished Black at all.

While he spoke, Mr. Malfoy listened attentively, never rolling his eyes or laughing. He nodded from time to time and his eyes darkened considerably when he heard about the whomping willow incident.

When he finally managed to stem the flood of words pouring out of his mouth, he fell into an angry silence, glaring at the bottle in front of him.

Mr. Malfoy slowly leaned back in his chair and raised an eyebrow.

“Well, I had no idea that old fool was still so biased.”

Severus frowned. “What old fool?”

“Dumbledore, of course. Everyone knows he’s nothing but a muggle loving, senile fool, but it seems that this time, he hasn’t managed to hide the fact that he despises us Slytherins more than anyone in the world.”

Severus sat up a bit straighter. He was actually agreeing with him. He felt a small weight lifting from him and a tiny shred of hope lighting up within him.

Mr. Malfoy glared off into a distant corner of the pub and took a few more sips of his butterbeer. Finally, he gave a little shrug and leaned back over the table.

“Well, it annoyed me endlessly while I was at Hogwarts, but these days, those old fool’s preferences are none of my concern. We might not be his favourites, but there is another who embraces us for who we are.”

Severus glanced up at that. Curiousity flooded him. “Who?”

Mr. Malfoy gave him a small smile and tilted his head at him, searching his face for something he couldn’t find. “You really don’t know, do you? That stupid fool has really tried to keep the world away from you, hasn’t he?”

Severus frowned, confused. “I don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t. Master’s name would never be mentioned in Hogwarts and I’ll bet the old bastard does his best to keep every mention of our cause silent.”

Severus had no idea what the older man was talking about, but something about the way Mr. Malfoy was speaking drew him in.

“Did you say Master?”

Mr. Malfoy glanced at him and seemed to shake himself slightly. “Yes, I did. I beg your pardon. I was referring to the Dark Lord of course, but in casual conversation one tends to revert to more familiar titles, don’t you think?”

Severus felt a small shudder run down his spine. He had heard of the dark lord, of course. Not a lot, but small whisperings amongst some of the older students over the years had reached his ears.

“Do you mean Lord Volde—”

Mr. Malfoy suddenly sat up straight with a jerk and slammed his hand onto the table. “Don’t say his name,” he hissed, suddenly sounding unbelievably angry.

Severus flinched back, eyes widening. “I’m so sorry, sir. I didn’t mean—”

Mr. Malfoy gave him a smile and gently rubbed his left forearm before shaking his head. “No, no. I apologize. I didn’t realize you thought it was alright to…well..”

“The headmaster has always referred to him by his name.”

Mr. Malfoy’s eyes darkened. “That stupid bastard has no right to say the Dark Lord’s name. The Dark Lord’s name is the embodiment of his powers and his very being. His name is not something to be spoken outloud by anyone, least of all someone who isn’t worthy to be in his presence.”

Mr. Malfoy glared a bit more and slowly leaned back in his chair, obviously still thinking about the old bastard’s blatant disrespect for his Master.

Severus timidly leaned forward a bit, eager to say something to make Mr. Malfoy happy again. “Uhm, sir. May I ask you a question?”

Mr. Malfoy’s glare lightened up and he leaned forward. “Of course you may, Severus.”

“Uhm, you mentioned a cause, sir.”

“Oh, yes. Well, the cause means many different things to many different people.”

Severus frowned, still confused. “I don’t understand.”

“The Dark Lord embraces all those who have been pushed aside and who have nobody else to depend on. He knows what it feels like to have nobody in the world and to have nobody around you understand you and think the way you think. He not only understands us but he gives us gifts beyond our wildest dreams. Gifts he gives freely and purely out of love.”

Severus found himself getting curious once again. One of the main reasons he had always cherished his friendship with Mr. Malfoy was because the older man understood him and liked talking about the things he liked to talk about and didn’t have any stupid ‘lines’ that shouldn’t be crossed over and never whined about such and such not being ‘acceptable’ or ‘disgusting’. And he was saying that there was someone else, someone bigger, someone more powerful who embraced people like him. Who loved them. Somebody who didn’t shun them or tossed them aside or made the whole school laugh at them. Somebody who cared about them.

Severus’ eyes lit up slightly. “What kind of gifts, sir?”

“Oh, whatever you might desire. Books, understanding, power, love, clothing—whatever your heart desires and needs.”

Severus’ heart fell considerably at those words. He didn’t deserve any of those things. Nobody would ever give him any of those gifts, especially not for free.

“Oh.”

Mr. Malfoy frowned slightly. “Why the sudden sadness, Severus? Did I say something to upset you?”

“No, no, sir. It’s just that—well, I don’t deserve any of those things you mentioned sir.”

“Do you want them?”

Severus glanced up. “Well, yes. Very much. But—”

“Then the Dark Lord would give them to you. He loves us all and embraces all of his children, no matter where they’ve come from.”

Severus found himself feeling that small spark of hope again. The Dark Lord sounded just like he had always wished the headmaster would be. A person who understood him and loved him and accepted him and never laughed at him.

Sitting up straighter and thoughts of Gryffindors, classes and the rest of the world long gone from his mind, he tried to quell his excitement a bit, but knew that Mr. Malfoy could see the sparkle in his eyes.

“Sir, I don’t mean to be rude, but—but could you tell me more?”

Mr. Malfoy smiled, a kind and open smile hiding a spark of dark triumph in his eyes.

 

*             *             *

 

Lily’s eyes widened in disbelief when she saw Severus spin around and nearly sprint down the corridor to get away from the jeering laughter and echoing cries of ‘ew’. Her feet had already spun her around to carry her after her best friend, but a raw rage consumed her and she decided that she had had enough.

Enough of spending years watching from the back of crowds which laughed and humiliated her friend. Enough of watching an arrogant git parade around as if he owned the castle and act as if everyone in it were his mere servants.

Clenching her jaw, she took a deep breath, forcing the anger within her to calm down. It didn’t listen. It angrily raced through her veins and she heard the blood pounding in her ears as she marched down the corridor. She ignored the people she rudely shoved aside and the confused looks people gave her. Her attention was soley focused on the laughing, arrogant bully who had already completely forgotten about the whole incident and who was busy flirting with a fifth year Hufflepuff.

Lily marched up behind him, grabbed hold of his robe and yanked him around.

As he spun around, he raised his eyebrows and gave her that much too wide, much too bright smile of his.

“Hey! Lily! Where have you been all day? James wanted to—”

“What the hell is your problem, you arrogant prick?” she hissed, completely ignoring his question.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Myrtle sticking her head out of a pipe in the ceiling and staring down at them with wide eyes. Moments later, Gabby apparated onto the top of a tall statue and exchanging horrified looks with Myrtle. She ignored both of them. This had to be done and damn the consequences.

The smile froze on Sirius’ face and he quickly glanced around himself, not liking how people were throwing confused looks at the two of them and were whispering.

“Uhm, baby, I don’t know what—”

Without really realizing it, she had yanked out her wand and pointed it right at his chest. “Don’t you dare call me ‘baby’ and don’t you dare try to pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.” She snarled, shaking with anger.

“Lily, look, I don’t know what you’re making such a fuss about, but if you’ve had a row with James and this is your way of dealing with it, well—”

“Shut up!” she yelled, having completely lost her patience.

Sirius abruptly shut his mouth and took a small step back from her. She was seething, her green eyes dark and sparking dangerously.

Lily felt a glimmer of triumph within her when she saw the tiny hint of confusion and yes—that was fear in his eyes. Good.

“I want to know what gives you the right to treat someone so miserably for so long and for absolutely no reason.”

Sirius blinked at her. For a moment, a trace of that casual, arrogant smile curled his lips, but it quickly vanished when he felt the tip of the wand jab his chest.

Then his eyes widened and he tried to look innocent. “Lily, I’ve never done anything to you—”

“I’m not talking about me, you stupid bastard and we both know it. Now quit playing the stupid slut you want people to think you are and answer my question.”

Sirius’ eyes glanced around nervously. “Uhm, Lily why don’t we move this charming conversation to a more private—”

“No. We’re having this conversation now and we’re having it here.” She yelled, her hand tightening around her wand.

Sirius stared at her for another moment, before his eyes darkened and he crossed his arms over his chest. “I assume you’re talking about the greasy slut who just ran out of here.”

Her eyes flashed. “The only greasy slut I see around her is you,” she hissed.

Around her, people gasped and a few cheered before being madly shushed by their eagerly listening neighbors. Gabby gave a silent cheer before being glared at by Rudy, who had also appeared.

“Evans, who the hell do you think—”

“No! The question is, who the hell do you think you are? Parading around here like you own the fucking castle and everyone is your damn servant or fuck toy and if they don’t worship you—which people with good taste shouldn’t—then you make their lives miserable.”

“Evans, I told you, I’ve never done anything to you—”

“Do I have to say everything five damn times before it penetrates that sludge of mud you call a brain? I’m not talking about me, I’m talking about Sev!”

Myrtle nearly fell out of her pipe and Gabby’s eyes widened.

Sirius stared at her with confusion. “Who?”

“You don’t even know his fucking name, do you?” she yelled.

Sirius straightened up and his eyes darkened again. Feeling the dozens of wide eyes on him, he narrowed his eyes at her.

“And what do you care?”

Lily was about to scream back an answer, but then she paused. Rudy was wildly waving his arms at her and Gabby was gripping her ears.

This was the moment. The moment which should have never been an issue, the moment which should have come a long time ago and the moment which would define the rest of her life.

“Because he’s my best friend, that’s why!” she screamed.

Suddenly, the corridor was silent. Absolutely silent.

Rudy covered his face with his hands and Gabby nearly fell off the statue before being grabbed by one of Rudy’s hands.

Lily realized she was still breathing harshly from her anger and was suddenly very aware of how loud it seemed in the sudden silence.

She could feel dozens of eyes on her, all of them filled with disbelief and some with amusement. Sirius gaped at her before bursting out laughing. That snapped the silence and all around her, people started howling with laughter. A few hands reached out to clap her on the back and calls of ‘good one, Lily’ drifted to her.

Lily ignored them. She kept her eyes glued onto Sirius and stared at him coldly until he abruptly stopped laughing. His eyes darted around, confused again.

“Uhm, that was a good one, Evans, but a bit dramatic, don’t you think?”

She continued staring at him. “It wasn’t a ‘good one’, you ignorant arse. It’s the truth. And I don’t care if the rest of the world knows. It’s about time everyone knew. I’ve been best friends with Sev since we were in third year.”

Suddenly, she felt a hand gently closing around her own and pulling her wand down.

“Uhm, Lily, that was really funny and all, but I think you’ve freaked Padfoot out enough for one day.”

Lily slowly turned around and stared up at James. “You think I was joking?”

He smiled at her and rolled his eyes. He draped an arm around her shoulder. “Lily, you’re just stressed. I know it’s seventh year and all, but—”

She shook off his arm and glared at him. “You really think I was joking, huh?”

James exchanged confused looks with Sirius and then took a careful step back from her. When her eyes flashed like this and she was shaking with rage it was always safe to stay at least a few steps away from her.

“Uhm, Lily—”

“You think I’m lying, don’t you? You can’t even find it within yourself to believe that what I’m saying is the truth, huh?”

Sirius muttered something about ‘mad nutter’ under his breath, but Lily was beyond caring what he thought or said. She was staring at James, who looked completely helpless for the first time in his seventeen years.

“Uhm, listen—”

“You think that it’s inconceivable that anybody would be friends with him, don’t you?”

“Well, Lily, it’s just that—”

“Where do you think I’ve been all these years when I went off by myself, huh? Who do you think I was with?”

James shifted around, his gaze falling to the floor. “You always said you were off to write in your diary.”

“Sev is my diary, you stupid git! He’s my best friend and I trust him more than I trust anybody else in this world.”

James stared at her as if she was some foreign specimen he had never seen before. “Uhm, listen, Lily. Maybe—alright, maybe—you and Snive—Snape know each other, but come on! You can’t seriously want people to see you with that—him, do you?” he said, lowering his voice slightly.

Lily reeled back from him and stared at him with disgust. “You filthy, inconsiderate bastard,” She said, not having the energy to yell anymore.

James winced and Sirius let out a low whistle but was silenced as soon as Lily glared at him. Then she turned her attention back to James. “Look, Potter. If you’re scared of my friendship with Sev ruining my reputation, then so be it. I don’t give a damn about my reputation and I should have been honest about this years ago, but I let Sev talk me into hiding it. But not anymore. He’s my best friend and nothing will ever change that. And if you don’t like it, then we’re through. I mean it. I’ve been friends with Sev a lot longer than I’ve been fucking you.”

James winced at that. “Lily, there’s more between us than that.”

She shrugged. “Yes, but if I had to choose between the two of you, then I choose Sev. Plain and simple.”

They stared at each other for another moment before James sighed. “Lily, I don’t—”

“Don’t get it? I know. I don’t get why you put up with this stupid slut here and call him your best friend. So that makes us even. We’re both best friends with people the other can’t stand and that’s fine. I’ve put up with our little rechargable fuck toy over here and that means you have to put up with Sev. Got it?”

James blinked a few times before finally managing a jerky nod. “Alright. Fine. Uhm, this doesn’t mean he’s going to be hanging out with us or anything, does it?”

Lily glanced at Sirius and glared at him. “No. I’m not in the habit of torturing my friends needlessly. Some other arseholes around here do it enough.” Then she turned back to James. “Well, quit standing there and staring at me as if I’m green in the face. We’re way too late for Transfiguration and Professor McGonagall is going to skin us alive if we don’t hurry.”

Without another word, Lily Evans swept down the corridor, ignoring the wide eyed looks and the whispers which followed her.

Sirius was glaring after her and James gave him a sympathetic look and mumbled something reassuring to him before sighing and hurrying after her.

Gradually, the excitement started to die down and people drifted off to class and other topics of conversation came up.

Sirius remained standing in the corridor, staring after the fading figures of Lily and his best friend. Moments later, Remus appeared at his elbow and nodded his chin after them.

“You know, I’ve always admired that girl.”

Sirius narrowed his eyes after her. “For what?” he spat.

Remus sighed. “For being—” He wanted to say ‘For being such a strong person’ or ‘For being such an amazing person that she wasn’t afraid to do what was right’ or ‘For being a person who embraced everyone and wasn’t afraid to show that she would’. But seeing Sirius’ glaring eyes and the way his friend’s fists were still clenched, Remus knew he would never understand. Would never let himself understand.

So instead, he quietly shook his head and gently clapped Sirius on the back. “Nothing. Come on. Let’s get to class. We’re so late we shouldn’t even bother going, but we might as well put in an appearance.” He muttered, and slowly steered them down the corridor.

 

*             *             *

 

Severus happily flung open the door to his room and let himself fall onto his bed, sighing contently. He was still having a hard time believing it. Quite a few times he had to shake himself a bit just to prove to himself that he wasn’t dreaming about the words coming from Mr. Malfoy. Words he had waited to hear his entire life. Words he felt he didn’t even deserve to hear.

He sighed happily. This must be what true bliss is like, he thought to himself. Knowing there was someone out there who loved him and would accept him no matter what he did or said. Knowing that this person was so powerful and so strong that other people cowered before him. Severus grinned. It wasn’t only the Dark Lord who could make people cower before him, but Mr. Malfoy had said that he taught all his precious children how to make others cower before them too and accept their greatness and power. Greatness and power which their master had given them purely out of love and gratitude that they loved him in return.

It sounded like a dream.

As he lay there, he suddenly became aware of another figure standing in the corner of the tiny room, staring at him.

Shifting slightly, he glanced over and saw that it was the scowling figure of his elf.

Severus sighed and chuckled quietly. “Elf, how can you stand there and look as if the world will end? After today, nothing could make the world end, I’m telling you. In fact, not only will it never end, but it’s a beautiful thing. Did you know that? The world is a beautiful thing, full of beautiful people and love and everything that makes life great.”

His elf stared at him, not having listened to a word of the crazed nonsense coming from his young master’s mouth.

“Where was young master?”

Severus abruptly stopped his monologue and transferred his gaze to his pillow case. “Uhm, in class…?” he tried.

Gorgon glared harder. “Young master will not lie to Gorgy! Young master was not in class. Young master took Miss Xira and was out somewhere. And Gorgy wants to know where. Where in world could young master go that is more important than going to classes?”

Severus’ good mood was rapidly fading. He didn’t want to have this conversation again. He was sick and tired of hearing his elf’s deluded speeches about Mr. Malfoy being a bad influence on him. His elf just had no idea what he was talking about. He didn’t understand.

“Elf, it’s none of your business.”

“It is Gorgy’s business! Everything young master does is Gorgy’s business. Gorgy is young master’s elf and that means everything young master does, Gorgy must know about.”

Severus clenched his jaw and sat up with a jerk. “I’m not ten years old anymore, Gorgon! I don’t need you to tag along with me everywhere and stick your nose into my affairs.”

His elf narrowed his eyes at him. “Young master was with Master Lucius, no?” he demanded, his voice harshly ringing off the walls.

Severus stared at him and raised his chin. Fine.

“Yes, I was. And we had a wonderful conversation.”

“About what?”

Severus glared. “That’s none of your—”

“We not starting this argument again! It nonsense! Now. Young master tells Gorgy exactly what Master Lucius said. Did he mention Dark Master again?”

Severus was about to retort that he had and that he’d not only mentioned the Dark Lord, but had talked about him for over two hours and Severus had learned wonderful things about him. But then he bit his tongue. He couldn’t tell his elf that. Gorgon would only start yelling and having a temper tantrum and put a binding spell on him which would keep him in the castle, or worse, he’d run to Gabby and tell her everything so that the little rat could go to the headmaster.

No. That couldn’t happen. He didn’t want the headmaster involved. He didn’t need him anymore. He could keep his Gryffindor sluts for himself. Severus had someone better.

He felt his elf’s eyes digging into his own and he quickly swallowed. He’d never lied to his elf before. In sixteen years, he had never lied to his elf. But now he would have to. To protect the new secret he had found.

“No,” he said quietly, forcing himself to keep his gaze locked with his elf’s.

The old elf stared back at him for a long moment before slowly shaking his head. His eyes filled with an immense sadness before he quietly snapped his fingers and disapparated from the room.

As soon as he was gone, Severus breathed out a sigh of relief. Now that the stupid, old busybody was gone, he could go back to remembering his wonderful conversation and imagining what the Dark Lord looked like.

He must be tall. And look terribly intimidating. But he’d never be intimidating to his children. No. He loved all his children, Severus knew that. He’d be dressed in the finest robes, of course, and have a new cloak everyday. Cloaks imported from France. Severus smiled.

He closed his eyes, cherishing his little secret.

Moments later, his blissful silence was torn apart by his door being flung open and a whirlwind of color sweeping into the room.

“I told him. Oh, Merlin, I can’t believe I actually did it. I told him. I told that arrogant pig. You know, I always thought it would be this huge thing when I told him. I thought it would be so hard to say it, but it wasn’t. It just came out. And you know what? That’s the way it should have been, you know?”

Severus sighed softly. He didn’t want to deal with Evans and her blabbing right now. He wanted to lie here and think of what color the Dark Lord’s cloaks would be.

He tried to tune her out, but when she came over and sat down on his bed—shoving his legs over in the process—and kept on chattering, he sighed and started listening. The faster he listened, responded and smiled, the faster she’d leave.

“Evans, what in the blazes are you going on about?”

She sighed. “Haven’t you been listening, git?”

He wearily rubbed his eyes and sat up beside her. “No.”

Scowling, she lightly jabbed him in the ribs. “Sev, you’re such a git. This is important. You have to promise to listen, alright?”

“Alright.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Promise?”

“Yes, fine, I promise. Now get on with it already.”

She was about to launch into her narrative again, when she suddenly paused. “Sev, you skipped Transfiguration today.”

Severus sighed. This was the last thing he needed. “Yes, so what?”

“So what? We handed in our papers today. The ones Professor McGonagall is making worth a huge bit of our term mark. Did you hand it in?”

It took Severus a moment to actually remember which paper she was talking about. Oh, yes. That one. He had started writing it a few nights ago, but had quickly lost interest in it. Who wanted to write about simple animagi transformations when one could read the new book on ancient curses which Mr. Malfoy had leant him? The books Mr. Malfoy leant him were always so much more interesting than the simple things they were doing in class. Besides, Mr. Malfoy had laughed when he had mentioned the paper a few weeks ago, saying the Dark Lord didn’t care for such childish trivialities. But curses and complex dark magic, those were things he appreciated and rewarded.

“No, I didn’t hand it in,” he muttered.

She stared at him, speechless for a moment. “What do you mean you didn’t hand it in?”

He shrugged off the question, shifting around uncomfortably. He had to get her away from these questions. They would ultimately lead to Mr. Malfoy and questions about him would ultimately lead to his secret.

“I got an extension on it. I forgot to write down the citations for two of the books I used and Professor McGonagall said she’d rather have it complete and a bit late. I’m handing it in tomorrow morning.”

She glanced at him and for a moment, a funny look flickered through her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something else and Severus quickly interupted her.

“So, what’s this about you telling someone something important?”

Her attention was immediately diverted and she quickly launched into what had happened after Severus had stormed down the corridor.

Severus quietly listened to her, and surprisingly still found himself thinking about cloaks. He frowned inwardly at his reaction, but then he quickly understood. He simply didn’t care anymore. About Black. About Potter. About that stupid werewolf. It didn’t matter anymore. They didn’t know his secret and they would never be accepted by the Dark Lord. They were inconsequential. He smiled slightly, liking how liberated this made him feel.

He slowly realized that Lily was staring at him with wide eyes, waiting for his reaction.

“That was…uhm…that was…well, that was unexpected.” He finally managed.

Lily stared at him. “Unexpected?”

“Uhm, yeah. Completely. If I had known you would finally launch into that little display, I would have stayed for sure. Seeing Black put into his place is always a treat.”

Lily was still staring at him. “Unexpected. That’s all you can say? After all these years of harping on and on about how nobody can find out about our friendship and threatening me with vile curses and their consequences if I ever thought about telling, and now all you can say is that it was unexpected.”

Severus nodded and widened his eyes. “Well, what else do you want me to say? It came out of nowhere, hence, it was unexpected.”

“I see,” she said.

Severus sighed, knowing he had upset her but not really stopping to understand why. It didn’t really matter all that much. The situation was such trivial nonsense.

“Evans, look, I’m really tired. Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

She shrugged. “Fine.” She pushed herself off the bed and walked towards the door. Before she reached it, she turned towards him.

“Sev, are you glad I told?”

He stared at her, trying to summon up enough enthusiasm to make her happy. He didn’t want to upset her. He really didn’t. She meant everything to him and she didn’t deserve this. It wasn’t her that didn’t matter, it was the situation that didn’t matter.

He sighed. “Yes, I’m glad you told, Evans. I would have preferred to keep things quiet, but if this is the way you want it, then fine.”

She stared at him for another moment before spinning back around and walking out the door.

Severus watched her go and as soon as the door shut, he collapsed back onto his bed. Why did people keep pestering him about such stupid trivialities? And why did they all keep staring at him as if they couldn’t understand why he didn’t care?

Well, he smiled into his pillow, they didn’t know his secret. If they did, they would understand. But they couldn’t know his secret. There was no way he would risk having them take it away.

Sighing again, he closed his eyes and went back to imagining what the Dark Lord’s manor looked like.

 

**Dec. 25th, 1977**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus sleepily opened his eyes when he heard the distinct sounds of two pops beside his bed. Groaning, he rolled over.

“Merry Christmas, Master Severus!” came the loud, enthusiastic cries from behind him.

He glared into his pillow. Stupid elves. Why did they always have to be so damn loud, and why on days when he could sleep in?

“Go away, Gabrielle. You too, Rudy,” he muttered.

“But Master Severus must look at presents! Miss Lily send her present and Headmaster sends Master Severus’ stocking down too! Must look, quickly, quickly.”

Severus clenched his jaw. Why did the idiot still continue to send him stupid presents? Did he think those were substitutes for the affection he had been faking towards him for years? Severus knew the way the headmaster thought. Give him books for christmas and he’ll be happy. Dirty Slytherins didn’t need anything else, did they?

“Take it back.”

A moment of silence. Then: “Take back?” Gabby asked incredulously, her eyes huge.

“Yes, take it back. I don’t want it. Leave Evans’ gift here and take the headmaster’s stupid red sock back up to him.”

When they both just shifted around and stared at him, he grew really irritated.

“Take it back and get out of my room and back into the kitchens where you belong!”

He didn’t roll over and therefore missed the hurt expressions on the two elves faces. He sighed inwardly. Stupid creatures. He was glad his elf had woken up early to go up to the infirmary. If the old creature were here he would have probably started reprimanding Severus for being so rude and Severus would have thrown him out the door. Annoying, stupid creatures.

Mr. Malfoy had said that the Dark Lord had many elves in his manor, but they all knew their place and didn’t bother anyone with stupid trivialities.

He closed his eyes and calmly drifted off to sleep, completely ignoring the two elves behind him. After waiting to see if he would change his mind, they quickly disapparated, a bright red stocking clutched in their hands.

 

**Jan. 27th, 1978**

**Hog’s Head Pub**

 

Severus quietly listened as Mr. Malfoy loudly laughed and told him about some Muggles he had run into the other day. Apparently, he had been sent on assignment by the Dark Lord for something and had had to make his way around Muggle London for the better part of the day. He was going on and on about the stupidity and rudeness of most of the Muggles he had passed by, but then sighed in somewhat casual indifference and said that it wasn’t their fault, since inferior beings were allowed to be stupid. Inferior intellect lead to inferior behavior.

Severus was only half paying attention, smiling and nodding at the appropriate pauses and trying to look interested. But his mind was elsewhere.

Up until now, Mr. Malfoy had only ever spoken to him about the Dark Lord, but he had never actually hinted that he wanted Severus to join him.

Seveus bit his lip and thought this over. Maybe Mr. Malfoy didn’t consider him smart enough or worthy of the Dark Lord’s attentions. Or maybe Mr. Malfoy hadn’t completely understood how much Severus longed to be accepted by him and Mr. Malfoy’s other friends.

He suddenly felt those kind grey eyes looking at him with an amused twinkle.

“Alright, I can see when I’ve lost my audience.” He smiled, leaning back in his chair. “Alright, what’s wrong?”

Severus was about to shrug it off when Mr. Malfoy raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you give me that shrug, little one. You know I’ll just keep bothering you about it until you tell me.”

For some reason, Severus was suddenly reminded of Lily. Quickly, he shoved that thought aside.

“Uhm, well, sir, I was just, uhm, wondering, if—or when—or rather, how, yes, how, one meets the Dark Lord.” The words were muttered very quietly, but as soon as Mr. Malfoy heard, his face broke out in a wide grin.

“Oh, well, why didn’t you ask any sooner? I was starting to think you weren’t interested.”

Severus stared. “Interested? Sir, there’s nothing I want more. I just didn’t think I was worthy of his attention, that’s all.”

Mr. Malfoy sighed softly. “Severus, how many times must we go over this? You are worth more in the Dark Lord’s eyes than any of the idiots in that bloody castle.”

Severus blushed slightly at the compliment and Mr. Malfoy smiled warmly, before he grew serious again.

“Well, that question isn’t an easy one to answer. Many people appreciate and admire the idea of the Dark Lord, but there are very few who are allowed to serve him. He only wants the most intelligent and most loyal.”

When Severus simply stared at him, Mr. Malfoy smiled. “And lucky for you, little one, you happen to be both. I know the Dark Lord would like to have you by his side very much. In fact, I’ve told him all about you.”

Severus’ eyes widened. “You have?” he gasped. Imagine great people like Mr. Malfoy and the Dark Lord talking about him!

That kind smile again. “I told him all about your studies and how intelligent you are and how well versed in the dark arts you are. He was most interested in your potion making abilities. He said if you’re sure about this and if you know everything you need to know, then he would accept you as his assistant Potions Master.”

Severus nearly fell off his chair. Him? An assistant Potions Master? For the Dark Lord? He nearly forgot to breathe.

But then reality came flooding back. Yes, he knew how to make plenty of potions, but he didn’t know enough. Not nearly enough. Yes, he’d gotten the highest grade possible on his potion NEWT, but that didn’t count for anything. The Dark Lord would want much more than that. Much more. But Severus didn’t know where to start.

Seeing his worried expression, Mr. Malfoy smiled kindly. “Don’t worry, little one. I’ll help you every step of the way. I don’t have many dark potion books lying around at home, but I’ll go and browse through Master’s library. Besides, making potions shouldn’t be your primary concern right now. If you want to serve Master, you’ll have to pass initiation first.”

“Initiation?”

Mr. Malfoy waved a hand. “Don’t worry about that for now. I’ll go home and get a few books for you to start with and then go discuss with Master what books he’d like you to read. We’ll have plenty of time to discuss initiation when the time comes.”

Severus felt slightly impatient. He didn’t want to wait. He didn’t want to spend another second in that boring, snotty castle with its arrogant gits and monotone professors and mediocre classes.

“When will the time come?”

Mr. Malfoy smiled. “When you’re ready, little one.”

“And how will I know when I’m ready?”

Those smiling lips curved a little more upwards. “You’ll know.”

 

*             *             *

 

Lucius paused before the closed double doors and checked to make sure his mask was on straight and his cloak wasn’t wrinkled. Master demanded perfection from his servants, no matter how trivial the matter might be.

Stepping closer to the doors, he patiently waited for them to open. If they didn’t, it simply meant Master didn’t wish to see him right now and he would have to come back.

For a moment, nothing moved, and then the doors silently swished open, revealing the large, black room hidden behind it.

Lucius took a moment to glance around the room, and his eyes immediately found his Master. He was standing before the dimly glowing green fire, a large book in his hands.

Lucius quietly walked across the black marble floors, being careful not to make a sound. Master despised being interrupted when he was reading.

Lucius made his way across the slick, black floor and came to a stop when he was a few feet away from Master’s large armchair, which sat facing the fire. Without a word, he knelt onto the ground and prostrated himself, his nose nearly touching the stone cold floor. He didn’t move and didn’t speak. He simply waited. Master would speak to him when he was ready.

Twenty minutes later, Lord Voldemort finally sighed softly and gently closed the book. Waving a hand at it, he quietly stared into the glowing green flames of the fire while the book soundlessly flew across the room to land on the heavily laden bookshelves which lined an entire wall of the room.

The Dark Lord turned and seemed to glide across the floor towards his chair. He sat down and only then did he glance down at the wordless figure lying on the floor beside his chair.

“What do you want, Lucius?”

“I went to see young Severus Snape again, my Lord.”

“Any progress?”

“Very encouraging progress, my Lord. He wanted to know how to best prepare himself for servicing you.”

“And what did you tell him?”

“I told him I would seek your kind will to lend me some of your ancient potion texts. They are very difficult to come by, Master.”

“And they are very valuable.”

“Yes, my Lord. But they would be in very good hands. He cherishes books.”

The Dark Lord was silent for a moment and a ghost of a smile flickered across his gaunt face. His dark red eyes looked black in the darkness and eerily reflected the flames dancing before him.

“Antonin will be quite pleased to get a competent assistant again,” He murmured.

“Yes, my Lord.”

Voldemort sighed contently and continued staring into the crackling flames. “His Father was Grindelwald’s Potions Master, you know,” He said.

Lucius had known that for months but he did his best to act surprised. Master despised not being the first one to deliver important revelations or rumors. In times like these, it was always safer to play ignorant.

“Really, my Lord? I had no idea.”

Voldemort sighed and wearily rubbed his temples. “Of course, you didn’t, Lucius. That would require brains instead of just possessing a nice arse and a nauseatingly bright smile.”

Lucius let the insults roll off himself. If Master wanted to insult him, then Master could insult him.

“And how is our other situation?”

Lucius wanted to shift uncomfortably, but the floor was hurting his knees and shifting around would only aggravate them. Besides, Master had no patience for useless twitching.

“My wife has found someone. Her sister. Bellatrix Black. She has learned much about you and wishes to serve you.”

“In every way possible?”

“In every way.”

“Has she been trained?”

“No, my Lord. As I recall, you wanted a virgin female.”

He smiled again and steepled his fingers. “Yes. I do.” He was silent for a moment.

“And what of others?”

Lucius bit his lip. Here was the only bad part of his report. “I haven’t found any suitable candidates. They are either too old or untrained.”

The Dark Lord quietly nodded and then thought for a moment. “And what of young Severus?”

Lucius stifled the urge to sigh. Master would never want the freak for anything but making potions. The git was ugly, naïve and utterly annoying with his lack of confidence.

“He hasn’t been trained in ways to please you, my Lord. You would have to train them both.”

The Dark Lord’s red eyes glittered slightly. “You will not tell me what I will and will not have to do.” He said quietly, a hint of venom in his words.

Lucius cringed. “Of course not, my Lord. I apologize. I was merely thinking about your precious time. You would hardly have enough to take up such a task.”

The Dark Lord smiled. “I would make the time. Believe me, it is worth it. Cassandra and Merrick served me well. They too had to be broken and trained, but once it was over, they served me well. Very well, indeed.” He sighed softly, remembering his two former personal companions. One of them had been killed by Aurors and the other had grown monotonous and distant when her bondmate was killed and became utterly useless. Voldemort frowned slightly, trying to remember how she had been killed. He couldn’t remember. Well, it didn’t matter now. She had outlived her usefulness and was therefore just a body lying in his way.

But now, he would get two others. Two fresh, young, eager ones. True, they would need training, but he enjoyed that part nearly as much as having them around whenever he wanted them.

Shaking himself out of his soothing thoughts, he glanced down at Lucius.

“How long before they come to me?”

“Narcissa says Bellatrix will come whenever you wish, but she must learn more. Her magical skills are powerful but untamed. As for Severus, I know he will come soon.”

“If you are wrong, you know the punishment, Lucius. And you know how important this is for me. I want both of them here, before the summer.”

Lucius nodded. “Yes, my Lord.”

The Dark Lord continued staring into the flames and promptly forgot Lucius was lying at his feet.

He continued quietly thinking and staring for ten minutes, until he finally glanced down and frowned.

“Why are you still here? Get out.”

“Yes, Master.”

Biting his lip to keep from screaming from the pain in his knees, he gingerly pushed himself off the floor and kept his head carefully bowed as he backed out of the room. Only after the double doors had swung shut did he dare lift his head and grimace as he stretched out his back.

He sighed. He wanted this damn assignment over with. Usually, he didn’t mind being Master’s Recruiter. He enjoyed the manipulation and the skill with which he slowly bent his victim’s mind to suit his own purpose and ultimately steer him or her into Master’s arms. But sometimes, the freaks he had to deal with annoyed him endlessly.

Evan Rosier had been a tremendous enjoyment. It only took two days to convince him to become a recruit.

But Snape was another matter. Stupid, timid slug. Lucius was sick and tired of constantly smiling at him and buying him drinks and paying him compliments which the freak blushed at. He couldn’t stand weak, unconfident people. He had never understood what Master saw in them.

Stretching, he yawned and turned down the corridor to go home.

Soon, he’d never have to speak to that freak ever again.

And if only that day came soon.

 

**Feb. 21st, 1978**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus yawned and glanced up at the clock for the dozenth time that hour. He could never remember Transfiguration being so boring.

He glanced down at his parchment and realized he had stopped taking notes half an hour ago, but then found he didn’t really care. He hadn’t bothered handing in half his assignments over the past few months, and only showed up for tests which he thought might be worth his time. Most of the time, he would find they were ridiculously easy or were full of stupid, trivial details which the Dark Lord would never care about and he’d walk out of class without finishing.

He saw Evans madly scribbling down notes beside him. He smiled slightly. The only reason he still bothered going to class was because she made a point to sit beside him in all their classes now. He found it strange but slightly comforting to have someone beside him who he could whisper with and pass notes to.

She glanced up at him and frowned at his empty parchment. “Sev, you’re behind! We’re moving onto the third step now! Come on, copy off my notes, quickly!” she whispered, shoving her parchment over a bit.

Severus waved it off. “It’s alright, Evans. It’s all in the textbook anyway,” he lied, knowing she hadn’t read this chapter yet.

She frowned again before going back to madly scribbling and shoving strands of hair behind her ear with ink stained fingers.

He saw Black glaring at him out of the corner of his eye, but couldn’t muster up the energy to glare back. Why would he bother? He’d participated in this childish drama for years. There was no need to anymore.

Yawning again, he glanced up at the clock one more time and once more couldn’t believe how slowly class was going by.

 

**Mar. 13th, 1978**

**Hog’s Head Pub**

 

Lucius laughed and put his bottle of butterbeer down. “Severus, you worry too much. Believe me, many recruits know much less about the dark arts then you do. That’s the whole point of training. In fact, if you didn’t need the practice very badly, I’d say you could forgo training and just be initiated right away. You’re brilliant.”

Severus blushed slightly, but didn’t find himself becoming as shy as he used to. He was becoming used to being paid compliments—which was a very good thing, he was told by Mr. Malfoy.

“But what if I get asked a very complex spell and I won’t remember the exact recitation and enunciation of it? Some of the ancient spells are terribly difficult to pronounce properly.”

Lucius laughed again. “I told you, don’t worry about it. Initiation isn’t like an exam. There’s no paper for you to write. Yes, you get tested on your magical ability, but in many different ways. The Dark Lord doesn’t need to test whether you can remember spells or not. That’s what memory potions are for. What he needs to test is whether you have the right mind for serving him. And you do. That’s all you have to worry about.”

Severus frowned, still worried, but feeling slightly better. He had finished reading some ancient texts the night before and had worried himself nearly sick when he found he had problems pronouncing some of the old spell components properly. The Dark Lord had no use for stupid, incompotent people. He had lain awake all night, worrying and nearly making himself ill, before finally rushing off to the pub the next morning—forgetting all about the herbology test he had that day.

Lucius took another sip before elegantly putting the bottle back onto the table. “Besides, you’ll need to pass recruitment first and then training. Only then do you have to worry about initiation.”

Severus sighed. He couldn’t believe he would have to suffer through months of tedious waiting until he was ready to join the Dark Lord.

He quietly traced the writing on the label of his butterbeer. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him and broke through the gloom he had been living under for weeks.

Technically, there was no reason to wait until school ended. After all, he knew enough magic already and the Dark Lord surely didn’t want to look at his NEWT results before deciding whether he was allowed to serve him or not. Come to think of it, he just needed to read more of those fascinating books Mr. Malfoy had borrowed from the Dark Lord—which never ceased to fill Severus with a slight shudder of awe at being able to touch such old and sacred books.

He glanced up at Mr. Malfoy. He didn’t know if the older man would like the direction his thoughts were going, so he pushed aside the thought of mentioning it.

Well, Mr. Malfoy said he could go whenever he was ready.

And Severus knew he’d never felt more ready.

 

**Mar. 21 st, 1978**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Albus sadly stared at the letter lying open on his desk. He had been staring at it and debating on what to do about it for days now.

He glanced up and saw Fawkes quietly looking at him from his perch.

“ _Albus, when are you going to go speak to him? This has gone much too far_.”

Dumbledore sighed sadly. “He doesn’t want to speak with me, Fawkes, or have anything to do with me. You and I both know I’ve tried. He won’t come up to my office and when I do manage to corner him, he hardly pays attention to me and just nods and smiles and says ‘yes sir’ no matter what I say.”

“ _Then go down to his room and make him pay attention to you. He’s still a child and needs someone to keep his life on the right path. I’m sure if you talk to him firmly and tell him to quit this nonsense of not studying, then everything will be sorted out. If his grades improve in the next few months, I’m sure the Ministry will reconsider_.”

“I’m not too sure about that, Fawkes.”

“ _Well, simply go and speak to Tegan Eddington about it. He was on the panel a few years ago and still has considerable influence as to the selection of final candidates_ —”

“That’s not what I meant, Fawkes. I meant to say that I don’t think my speaking with him will do any good. I’ve made him terribly angry.”

“ _Albus, you did the right thing by not expelling Sirius. You and I both know he was being immature and tremendously stupid and as usual, didn’t think things through, but there was no reason to throw him out of the school. Besides, the child’s family is giving him enough trouble these days. Hogwarts is the only place he has to call home besides the Potter’s house. If you try to explain it again, I’m sure Severus will understand and admit that you were right_.”

Albus sighed again. “I’m not sure he will, old friend.”

The bird tilted his head and gazed at him. “ _Well, you won’t know that until you speak with him. Go and see him now and sort this entire mess out. That way, everything will be fine by morning_.”

Dumbledore smiled slightly at his bird’s eternally naïve view of the world. Even though the phoenix was nearly 900 years old, the bird had spent his entire life living in fancy and sheltered mansions of old, rich wizards and had never had to deal with the darker aspects of life. It was one of the reasons Albus enjoyed his dearest friend’s company so much. The eternal light in an ocean of darkness.

Well, he sighed and pushed himself up, it was time to try and swim through that ocean.

Clutching the letter in his hands, he went towards his door, hoping that the currents wouldn’t pull him under.

 

*             *             *

 

Severus gently turned another page in the heavy book, his nose half an inch from the page as he drank in every word. He had never known Muggle blood could have such potent effects on wizards when mixed with certain other ingredients. It was fascinating.

A quiet knock on the door jarred him out of the his concentration and he scowled. Who in the name of Grindelwald would knock on his door and at this hour too? Evans never knocked on his door and the elves simply apparated in. Rude, insufferable beings.

“Go away.” He muttered, not taking his eyes off the page.

Another quiet knock. He sighed and swore under his breath.

“I said, go away! I’m busy.” He turned another page and threw a dark glance at the door.

“Severus, dear, it’s me. I would like to speak with you for a moment, if that’s alright.”

Severus froze. It was the headmaster. What on earth was he doing down here? He had never come down to his room before.

He sighed in annoyance. He didn’t have time for the old fool right now. He had much more important things to do.

“I’m quite busy at the moment, sir,” He said, letting his annoyance at the intrusion shine through by laying unnecessary emphasis on the last word.

“I’m aware of that, dear, and I’m terribly sorry for interrupting you, but there is something quite important we must discuss.”

“We’ll discuss it tomorrow.”

“No, I would prefer to discuss it now.”

Severus sighed and rolled his eyes. Carefully closing the book, he hid it under his covers and then padded across the carpet to the door. Yanking it open, he bowed with exaggeration and motioned the headmaster inside.

“Please, do come in and make yourself comfortable.” He spat with annoyance as he turned his back on him and went to his desk and sat down.

The headmaster quietly walked into the small room, looking around with admiration for a bit. Severus sighed loudly and stared at his wall. “I don’t have all day, sir and you did interrupt me in the middle of something. If you could get on with it, I would appreciate it greatly.”

“I received a letter from the Ministry the other day. It was from the Scholarship and Awards Commission.”

It took Severus a few moments to remember why this would be important. Oh, yes, that stupid award thing he had become eligible for. He sighed.

“And what did the letter say?”

The headmaster slowly unfolded the parchment and put it into his desk. Severus didn’t take it. He couldn’t care less what some Ministry gits had written to the headmaster about.

“They wrote to me inform me that with great regret, they’ve withdrawn the offer of the scholarship for you. They claimed your interm grades have fallen considerably and that they didn’t think you displayed the academic determination or the drive to succeed the way you used to.”

Severus stared at his wall, trying to decide where that small scratch on it had come from. Maybe from that stupid bird. Severus was so glad that prissy creature hadn’t spoken to him in months.

He could feel the headmaster staring at him and he sighed inwardly. He couldn’t care less about the stupid scholarship. What did he need money and an apprenticeship at the Ministry for? The Dark Lord would buy him whatever he needed and he was going to become his Potions Master’s assistant. In his eyes, this was incomparable to a stupid research position working for those unbearably stuck up gits.

He sighed and glanced at the headmaster. “I see. Well, that’s terribly sad, really. It’s such a let down. I will be forced to cry myself to sleep for weeks on end. In fact, if you’ll pardon me, I’ll excuse myself and start crying now.”

The headmaster quietly stared at him. “I thought you would have more feelings about this, Severus. I know how hard you worked for it and how proud you were to get it.”

A brief memory flew across his mind as he remembered everyone gathering in the kitchen and congratulating him and telling him how proud they were of him. He remembered how happy it had made him feel. He sneered at himself. He had been such a snivelling, weak thing back then. Needing the approval of elves and ghosts and Grindelwald knew what other dirty creatures ran around this castle. But now, he didn’t need their approval or even company. He would get approval and company beyond his wildest dreams very soon. Very soon. He just had to get the headmaster out of his room first so he could go back to reading.

“As I said, it’s terribly sad and tragic. What else do you want me to say?”

“It’s not so much what I want you to say, dear, but it’s what I want you to do. I want you to care like I know you should.”

Severus snorted. “Care? About a stupid pity gift the ministry dangled in front of my eyes and then snatched away? I don’t think so.” If those idiots didn’t appreciate his intelligence and hard work, then he wouldn’t give it to them. The Dark Lord would appreciate them much more.

The headmaster stared at him quietly. “I also wanted to discuss your classes with you. Several of your teachers have complained that you haven’t been putting your usual effort into your assignments.”

“What assignments? You mean those boring, trivial pieces of trash they make us memorize and write about? I have absolutely no desire to put up with this boring charade any longer, headmaster, and if my teachers—brilliant as they all are—don’t like it, then that’s too bad.”

“Severus, this isn’t like you.”

Severus narrowed his eyes. “You don’t know me, sir. Not one bit.” He spat.

“I know you well enough to know that you’re terribly angry with me and that you’ve found some way to soothe that anger, but whatever it is, I fear for you, I really do.”

“I’m fine, headmaster. In fact, I’m more than fine. I’ve never been more content in my entire life than I have been in the past few months.”

“Why, dear?”

He lifted his chin. “That’s none of your business, sir. All that’s your business is that I don’t break any of your precious rules about doing dark magic in the castle and don’t forget where that stupid line is, and I haven’t.”

“Dear, that’s not the point. I’m afraid you’ve found a new path for yourself and that you have terrible delusions about it, dear.”

“The only one with delusions here is you, sir. You thinking that everyone is willing to be your little pet and do whatever it takes to please you. But I’m not.”

“I don’t understand—”

“Of course you don’t. You’re just jealous that I’ve found something better than you. Well, let me tell you, I’ve not only found something better, but something that is incomparable to you. Incomparable.”

The headmaster’s eyes filled with anguish. “Child, please, talk to me. Tell me what you’ve been doing.”

“Why? So you can take it away from me?” He snapped, yelling at him. His eyes flashed and fear flooded him. He wouldn’t allow it. There was no way he would lose what he had worked so hard for.

“I don’t want to take anything away from you, child. I simply want to make sure you know what you’re doing.”

“I know exactly what I’m doing, sir. And I don’t need your help. Go back upstairs to your precious Gryffindors and leave me in peace. I don’t need you anymore.” He said, his eyes still flashing with anger and possessiveness.

The headmaster quietly stared into those dark eyes, trying to see a hint of rational thought or doubt. He found none.

Despair clutched his heart and he wanted nothing more than to lock him in this room and keep him away from any possible harm. But he couldn’t. Severus believed he was right and seriously believed that the path he had found was what he had been looking for all his life. And the headmaster couldn’t stop him. If Severus wanted to go, then he would go and no amount of wards and locked doors would stop him.

The headmaster quietly stared at his darkling child, who had gone back to staring at his wall, his thoughts miles away.

He wanted to say something more, but knew his words would only be met by hate-filled sarcasm or anger.

So he did the only thing he could. He quietly turned and walked towards the door.

Pausing for a moment, he looked back.

“Dear, I want you to remember that Hogwarts doors will always remain open to you. No matter what. This is your home and it always can be if you want.”

Severus rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything.

Albus felt tears welling up in his eyes at his own helplessness.

“Sleep well, dear,” He said quietly.

Severus didn’t even glance at him and didn’t acknowledge even having heard him. He was still staring at his wall, trying to remember the fifth important use of Muggle blood in the creation of will tampering potions.

Turning back to the door, the headmaster quietly opened it and let himself out, carefully shutting the door behind him. He paused for another moment, putting a hand softly onto the closed door. He stood there in the dark gloom of the corridor until he let his hand quietly fall from the door.

Turning, he walked down the corridor, leaving the small room behind him.

 

**April 2 nd, 1978**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Lily sighed softly as she turned another page in the long bundle of parchment Severus had written up for her. She had misplaced her notes from previous years ages ago and had nearly gone hysterical when she found out. But Severus had rolled his eyes at her and shown her an enormous box under his bed in which he had kept everything that could possibly come up on their NEWTs for any subject.

She yawned and skimmed another page of history notes. Tossing the pile beside her on Severus’ bed, she reached for another bundle. She couldn’t believe she had let Sev talk her into revising this early in the year. Exams didn’t start until June but Sev had been adament that they start reviewing early.

Well, at least one of them was studying. She glanced up at her friend who sat at his desk with his feet propped onto the table. His nose was stuck in an enormous book entitled ‘Magical Beasts of Medieval Europe’. His eyes never left the page and a small furrow of concentration lay between his eyebrows.

Lily fiddled around with the bundle of notes and bit her lip. She had no idea what had gotten into her friend recently. He wasn’t angry with her, that much she knew. In fact, come to think of it, he wasn’t angry with anybody anymore. And that worried her. He acted completely indifferent and bored when Black insulted him or sneered at him and didn’t become consumed with that black rage she knew so well. She knew that he and the headmaster had never gotten over that mess last year with Black, James and Remus, but

Severus had even stopped caring about that. He had stopped speaking with Gorgon, Fawkes, the other elves and everybody else except for her. And Lily wished she knew why. It wasn’t because he was angry at them. He never yelled at anyone or snarled at them. He just behaved as if their very presence bored him. It wasn’t only people who were boring him. He hardly ever bothered coming to classes anymore and by making sly inquiries, Lily had found out he hadn’t been handing in any of the assignments he’d told her he had.

She quietly stared at him. He was hiding something. Something he was hiding so carefully that he thought she couldn’t tell. He had found something which had given him some new purpose or happiness which he hadn’t found here. Or maybe, he had found it and just hadn’t known what to do with it.

She shuffled her papers a bit, just to continue giving him the impression that she was reading studiously and not staring at him.

He was hiding something. That much she knew.

Like that book. Lily didn’t believe for a second that it really had anything to do with magical creatures. She remembered having learned in transfiguration that the color blue was the hardest to quickly conjure up and therefore, if an object was quickly transfigured from one thing into another and the color blue was supposed to be present on the new object, it would appear as a shimmery, oily blue and would plainly stand out as being different from the other colors.

The book’s entire title was in that shining, greasy looking blue.

Lily bit her lip again. She knew if she asked, he’d never tell her. Maybe he wouldn’t lie to her but he’d smoothly steer the conversation somewhere else and then make sure she forgot about what she had asked him in the first place.

So the solution was simply. She wouldn’t ask him anything. Not at first, anyway.

Quietly, she pulled her wand out of her sleeve and pointed it at the book.

“ _Refigurio_.”

With a tiny pop, the book shook slightly and shimmered. With a cry of surprise, Severus dropped the book onto the floor. She got a small glimpse of tiny, cramped handwriting scrawled across the pages before Severus leapt up and slammed it shut. He misaimed slightly and the front cover fell back open, revealing to cover page.

‘Ancient Uses of Dragon Blood, First Edition with a special section on Mudblood Applications.’ Underneath the bold black title written in old, cursive script was a small enscription: T.M.R.

Severus snatched the book off the floor and put it on his desk and stood before it.

“What the hell are you doing, Evans?”

She stared at him. “Why are you reading about potions that are supposed to be used on mudbloods?”

His eyes flashed. “That’s none of your business! Go back to reading what you’re supposed to be reading.”

She quietly dropped the bundle she had been leafing through onto the bed. “Sev, answer the question.”

He sighed. Lily saw the anger flicker out of his eyes and that blank look came into them.

“I needed to look something up.”

“For what? You’re not taking potions this year.”

“It’s for DADA.”

“I don’t remember learning about torturing my own kind in any classes. Perhaps I was sick on that day.”

He stared at her and she stared right back, refusing to back down.

Finally, he broke their gaze and sighed. “Evans, just forget about it, alright? It’s nothing.”

She slowly shook her head. “No,” she said softly. “It’s something. You just won’t tell me what it is.”

He stared at her but didn’t say anything.

“Sev, you’re hiding something from me. Something that’s consuming your whole life and it scares me.”

He snorted. “Evans, don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not being ridiculous, Sev, and we both know it. If it were something good then you would have told me, or you would have told Gorgon. But you haven’t. And that’s what scares me.”

He shrugged casually. “It’s nothing big, Evans. I just didn’t want to get everybody’s hopes up in case—”

Her patience snapped and that fear she had refused to allow herself to feel started creeping up on her. “Quit lying to me! Sev, you’ve changed and not for the better. You don’t give a damn about classes anymore or about your friends and you’re planning something and you won’t tell me what it is. You’re scaring me, Sev.”

“Evans, don’t be absurd. There’s nothing to worry about. I know what I’m doing.”

Lily stared at him, despair filling her at the blankness in his eyes. “I don’t think you do, Sev.”

“Evans—”

“Why have you been going to the Hog’s Head nearly every night for months? Who have you been meeting?”

Severus stared at her. He didn’t want to lie to her. He really didn’t. But he couldn’t tell her the whole truth. She wouldn’t understand.

“Evans, I’ve found something, something that makes all this crap here worthwhile. Something that’s so big and so fantastic that you wouldn’t believe it even if I told you about it.”

Lily felt a small glimmer of hope light up within her. He wanted to tell her. He was on the verge of telling her. If she knew, then she could stop whatever nonsense he had gotten into his head.

“How do you know I wouldn’t believe you, Sev? You haven’t told me what it is.”

Severus suddenly smiled at her, a smile filled with such quiet happiness and contentment that Lily nearly recoiled.

“Evans, all you need to know is that I know what I’m doing. Trust me. I really do.”

She stared at him. A part of her wanted to scream at him and demand he tell her what he was talking about, but she knew that if she kept pushing, he’d crawl into himself and not tell her anything.

Instead, she sighed softly. “Sev, I’m worried about you.”

He gave her a reassuring, soft smile. “Don’t worry about me, Evans. I’ll be fine. I know what I’m doing.”

Searching his eyes for anything that would give away an inkling of what he was planning, she felt tears well up in her eyes. She was losing her best friend and he wouldn’t even let her help him.

“I don’t think you do, Sev. But I hope with everything I’ve got in me that you’ll figure it out before it’s too late,” she said softly, pushing herself off the bed.

He gave her another smile. “Don’t worry about things that aren’t worth worrying about.”

She sadly stared at him, a tear falling down her face before she spun around and left the room, not being able to bear looking at his blank eyes and reassuring smile a moment longer.

He was running towards an abyss, she was sure. An abyss he had no idea was there and an abyss he would fall into and there was nothing she could do about it.

Helpless rage flooded her and she grit her teeth as she walked down the corridor towards the chute which lead up to the Gryffindor towers.

She wouldn’t let him do anything stupid. She’d watch him like a bloody hawk and make sure he stayed away from that abyss. She’d be damned if she would just stand by and watch her best friend throw his life away for something that didn’t deserve it.

 

**April 8 th, 1978**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus quietly sat at his desk, gently tracing the outer cover of one of the Dark Lord’s precious books.

He was ready.

He smiled quietly, a warm glow lighting up within him. He had read everything he needed and there was nothing left for him here. Nothing.

He leaned back in his chair and drew in a deep, satisfied breath. All he needed to do was pack up his belongings and get his elf and go.

And he was finally going to leave all this junk behind him. No more stupid, trivialities to deal with. No more stupid birds, elves, ghosts, headmasters, and most importantly, no more Gryffindors. A tiny flicker of sadness grew within him. He’d have to leave Evans behind. He sighed. If he only thought she would understand, he would take her with him. She was smart and was a good, talented witch when she wasn’t being lazy. He was sure the Dark Lord would allow her to serve him as well. He smiled. That would be something. They would have everything they could possibly want and the Dark Lord would protect them and love them.

He sighed. But she wouldn’t understand. She wouldn’t want to come with him. She was too full of Gryffindor ideals to want to leave the school behind.

Slowly, he got up and summoned a small sack over to him. Waving his hand at all of his books and his spare robe and the Dark Lord’s books on his table and immediately, they shrank to a miniscule size and drifted into the sack. He looked around his tiny room which had been his home for nearly seven years.

The faded, worn carpet lay on the cold stone floor, cheerfully adding a tiny bit of color to the small space. He spied his elf’s blanket neatly folded on his bed and he quickly waved a hand at it and put it into the sack as well. He looked at his small desk and the empty bookshelf above it. For a moment, he remembered Fawkes perching up there and helping steady the many books he had floating around himself to help write his essay. His elf had been sitting beside Evans on the bed, patiently helping her with her own essay.

Surprisingly, he felt a tinge of sadness within him. Yes, he’ll miss Evans. But he had to choose between her and the life he had always wanted, and he had to leave her behind.

Closing his sack, he quietly called for his elf.

With a small pop, the old elf apparated into the room. Without a word, Gorgon looked at the small sack in his young master’s hands.

“Elf, we’re leaving,” Severus said.

Gorgon stared up at the sixteen year old, quietly keeping any expression off his face.

“Is young master sure this is what he want?” he asked quietly.

Severus nodded and smiled. “You know it is, elf. We’re going to go and claim the life we’ve always deserved to have. We’ll never want for anything ever again.”

Gorgon’s face didn’t betray any of his emotions. He nodded quietly. “If this is what young master wants, then this is what we do.”

Severus nodded. “Come on, then. We have to get to the pub before Mr. Malfoy leaves.” Excitement filled his words as he turned and walked out of the small room, his elf quietly trailing after him.

Gorgon paused for a moment and stared back into the tiny room. He sighed softly.

“Grindelwald,” he whispered.

Then he turned and followed his young master down the dark corridor towards one of the chutes.

 

*             *             *

 

Lily madly raced through the corridors, barely avoiding walls and statues along the way. Fear clutched her heart and sat like a bucket of cold ice within her chest. Please don’t make her be too late. Please, please, please don’t make her be too late.

Gabby had breathlessly apparated into her room a few moments ago, blurting out the one sentence that Evans had been dreading to hear from the small elf for days now.

“Master Severus leaving, Miss Lily. He outside already with Gorgy.”

Lily finally reached the front doors and burst through them and then turned and ran towards the Forbidden Forest, knowing Severus would be taking Xira with him.

She realized she’d forgotten her cloak but she barely felt the cold night air pressing around her. Please, please, please don’t make her be too late.

Finally, she saw them.

Severus was conjuring up a rope and Gorgon was crouching on Xira’s back, helping him tie a small sack onto the thestral’s back.

They were both too busy fiddling around to notice her, but Lily saw Xira’s head snap around and stare at her as she ran towards them.

Gasping for breath, she nearly collided with them. “Sev, what are you doing?” she demanded, coming to a stop.

Severus spun around, his eyes widening with surprise. “Evans! What are you doing here?”

“What the hell does it look like I’m doing? I’m trying to stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life!”

He sighed softly and gave her that small, content smile again. “Evans, I told you, I know what I’m doing.”

“Sev, you’re crazy! You can’t just pack up and leave! NEWTs start in a few months!”

“Evans, I don’t need NEWTs where I’m going.”

She stared at him. “Don’t be ridiculous, Sev!”

He smiled gently. “The Dark Lord doesn’t need NEWT results to judge someone worthy, Evans. I’ll be fine.”

Lily froze and a sick tendril of revulsion crept through her. “The Dark Lord?” she whispered, hardly daring to say the title.

Severus smiled again and pulled the last rope tight before giving Xira a firm pat. “Yes, Evans. Don’t worry. I know everything I have to know. Besides, he’ll take care of us.”

Evans stared at him, hoping she had misheard or that she was having a nightmare she would soon wake up from. “Sev, are you mad?”

“Evans, I told you, I’ve thought this over very carefully. I’m not crazy. The Dark Lord loves us and will take care of us.”

“Sev, are you listening to yourself?! This is crazy!”

“No, Evans. This is what I’ve been waiting for my whole life. I’ve never been this happy before. Why can’t you understand that?”

“All I’m understanding is that you’ve gotten your head twisted around by someone who’s been shovelling shit into your ears, Sev!”

That easy going smile looked slightly strained and his eyes darkened. “It’s not shit, Evans.”

“What isn’t? This hogwash that You-Know-Who loves you all and will take care of you? What the hell is wrong with you, Sev? You really believe he’ll give you all that for nothing? He’ll destroy your life, Sev! He’ll take everything out of you that he wants and use those parts to make you do horrible things!”

Severus clenched his jaw, the smile vanishing. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Evans,” He hissed.

“Oh, and you do, huh? Well, pardon me if I don’t believe the brilliance of someone who’s about to run away from school a few months before his final exams just for empty promises!”

“They’re not empty promises!” he spat, his eyes flashing.

Lily clenched her hands into fists. She wanted to beat him senseless until he was thinking properly again.

“Sev—”

He held up a swift hand. “No, Evans. Shut up. I’ve had it with your Gryffindor crap. I’m sick of trying to explain something to you that you can’t understand.”

“Understand what? That you’re deluded and crazy and about to ruin your life?”

He jerked his chin up and glared down at her. “I was right not to tell you anything. I knew you wouldn’t understand. You Gryffindors are all the same.” He sighed. “Well, at least you’ll be free of me now.”

“What?”

“Evans, why are you acting so surprised? I never really expected you to understand.”

“Why? Because I’m not crazy?”

“No. Because we’re two very different people, Evans. We were never meant to get along, Evans, never mind have an actual friendship.”

She recoiled, feeling a stab of pain within her. “Sev, you can’t mean that. You’re my best friend.”

“Yes, abhorrent judgement on your part. But now, that’s all over. We’ve always been on two very different paths, Evans. You have yours, and I have mine. We started out on two different sides and we’ll end up on different sides. Slytherin and Gryffindor, Death Eater and Auror.”

She stared at him and angry tears slid down her cheeks. “Our differences never mattered to me, Sev, and you know it!”

He smiled at her, somewhat sadly. “They do now.”

They stared at each other silently and to Lily, it seemed they were staring at each other across an enormous abyss, one which she couldn’t cross no matter what she said.

He turned and quietly swung himself up onto Xira. Reaching down, he pulled Gorgon up behind him.

Lily stared up at him, trying to keep from shaking as sobs threatened to overwhelm her.

“Sev, please don’t go,” She whispered.

He gave her a small smile. “I have to, Evans. This is the path my life has always been heading towards, I know it. You have your life to live and I have mine.”

For the first time, Lily realized it was raining. Her hair hung in wet strands around her face and she was shivering from the cold. She looked up at her friend.

“Sev, please.”

He pulled the hood of his cloak over his head and smiled down at her. “This is the way things were meant to be, Evans. Please try to understand that.”

She stared at him for another moment, despair flooding her eyes. Slowly she took a step back from him.

She glanced up at Gorgon, barely able to make out his small figure through the rain and darkness.

“Take care of both of you, Gorgon.”

The old elf nodded. “I will, Miss Lily. I promise,” he said sadly.

Severus reached down and gently squeezed one of her hands. “Good bye, Evans. Take care of yourself. And remember to study hard for NEWTs. Use my notes if you need them.”

She started sobbing harder now. He slowly let go of her hand and clutched Xira’s mane.

With a low whistle, he urged Xira into a run and they cantered off into the darkness towards Hogsmeade.

Lily wrapped her arms around herself, rain and darkness pouring around her as she watched him go. Far too soon, she lost sight of him in the darkness.

 

*             *             *

 

Still sobbing, Lily ran through the dark corridors, ignoring how she slid everywhere from the water she had dragged in with her. Gasping for breath, she reached the small gargoyle and panted out the password. Barely waiting for it to open, she raced up the stairs, nearly tripping as the tears in her eyes obscured her vision.

She didn’t even bother knocking and flung open the door.

She stood there, soaking wet, gasping for breath and tears pouring down her face, straining her eyes to see through the dark gloominess in the room. Even the fire in the hearth was barely flickering.

“He’s gone, headmaster,” she sobbed out.

Albus was standing before his window, staring out into the rain. He didn’t turn to face her.

“I know, dear. I saw him leave.”

She waited, expecting him to race out the door and go and bring Sev back. But he didn’t.

“Why are you just standing there? Go and bring him back!”

The headmaster didn’t move. “I can’t, dear,” he whispered.

“What do you mean you can’t? You and I both know where he’s going! He’s just about to throw his entire life away and you won’t do anything about it!” she yelled.

The headmaster wrapped shaking arms around himself. “He choose this path, dear. I know it was my fault. Maybe not all of it, but the majority of it was. The war took up so much of my time and I didn’t see the signs early enough. He was so angry with me and I made the mistake of assuming he would understand why I did what I did. But he never did. Instead, he ran to someone who soothed that anger by feeding it. And I did nothing.” The quiet voice got harsher and the headmaster hit the window sill before him with a dull thud. “ _Nothing_.”

Lily stared at him. “Headmaster, this isn’t your fault. Someone obviously twisted around Sev’s mind and played around with him until—”

The old man slowly shook his head, his eyes still staring out into the darkness. “No. This is my fault. I didn’t try hard enough and I made the mistake of assuming he was like every other child in this school. It was a stupid, stupid mistake. And now Severus will have to pay for it. For my own stupidity.”

Lily bit her lip. “We can get him back, headmaster. Call the ministry. They will find him.”

The headmaster drew in a shaky breath. “No, Lily. The damage has already been done. If he returns, it will only be because he wants to. If we bring him back by force, he’ll be even more angry and he’ll run again.”

Lily clenched her jaw. “So we should just let him go?”

The headmaster was silent for a moment. “I let him go long ago. I didn’t realize I did, but it happened. An old man’s naïve stupidity,” he whispered.

Lily felt all the hope draining out of her and she wanted nothing more than to scream and cry until the world came to an end. Sev was running straight towards a dark pit he couldn’t see and there was nothing they could do.

She stared at the old man standing before the window. She had wanted to hear him tell her that everything was alright. That Sev would be back tomorrow morning. But he wouldn’t say that.

He looked like an old, broken man without a shred of hope left in the world.

Sniffing back her tears and ignoring the puddle of water forming by her feet, she slowly turned and walked out the door, her shoulders slumped.

She walked down into an empty classroom and went to the fireplace. As she touched the familiar brick and slid down the chute, she felt another lump in her throat. Walking down the dark corridor, she reached the door and softly touched it. He hadn’t put the wards back up before he left. Somehow, that brought on a fresh bout of tears.

Pushing open the door, she went inside and lay down on his bed. Only then did she stop biting her lip and let her sobs fill the small room as she clutched his pillow and buried her face into it.

 

*             *             *

 

Back in the dark office, a red phoenix sat on his perch, sadly staring at an old man still standing by the window, watching the rain and darkness outside. He lifted up a trembling hand and gently laid it onto the cold window pane.

The rain streaking down the glass mirrored the tears streaming down his face. He didn’t make a sound as he wept, his shoulder shaking from the force of the sobs.

“I’m sorry, my child. I’m so sorry,” he whispered, over and over again into the darkness around him.

 

**April 9 th, 1978**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Lily slowly climbed up into the Gryffindor common room and dragged herself across the floor to one of the far windows staring out over the Forbidden Forest.

She heard the rustle of robes beside her. “Lily, where were you last night? You didn’t come up to bed,” Kiana’s concerned voice drifted over to her.

Lily felt some of her numbness recede and felt a small tendril of irritation grow within her. It didn’t bloody matter where she was last night. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Sev was gone and she’d probably never see him again. She didn’t know if that would be a good thing or not.

She glanced at her. “I was busy,” she snapped, not meaning to sound so snarky, but not feeling too upset about it afterwards.

Kiana recoiled slightly and her eyebrows flew up. Well accustomed to Lily’s fiery temper, she quickly stepped back and raised her eyebrows at the other people in the common room, all of whom were quick to avert their eyes from the silent figure standing by the window.

Moments later, James and Sirius came thundering down the stairs, talking loudly and laughing.

“Hey, Lily! Good morning, hon,” James yawned, walking over to her. He attempted to sling a casual arm around her waist but she scowled and shook him off.

“Hey, what’s with the fiery temper this early in the morning?”

She was silent, not wanting to answer. Really, it was none of his business. Well, when she thought about it, it was his business. This mess was as much his fault as the headmasters. Not to mention the arrogant pig sauntering towards one of the chairs at the moment.

“He’s gone,” she said, still looking out the window.

James frowned and glanced out the window, hoping to get a better understanding of the situation. “Uhm, what?”

Lily slowly turned and stared at him, her face expressionless. “He’s gone. He left last night and I don’t think he’s coming back.”

James was still frowning. “Hon, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Who’s gone?”

She stared at him. She knew that he probably wouldn’t care, but she would make him care. Damn it! That was the last thing she could do for Sev.

“Sev, James. That’s who. He ran away because of what you and that arrogant mutt over there did to him. True, those weren’t the only reasons, but they were a big part. You made his life miserable for years and now he’s gone and he’s probably never going to come back and he’s going to ruin his entire life. All thanks to you and that big headed git you call a friend.”

James stared at her, looking shocked. “He left?” When she slowly nodded, still staring at him, his shock seemed to fade and he smiled faintly.

“Ah, don’t worry about it, Evans. He’ll probably make it to Hogsmeade before deciding that it’s all too scary out there for him and he’ll come running back with his tail between his legs.”

A laugh interupted their conversation. “Tail? Don’t you mean nose, Jamie?” Another loud bark of laughter. “Or better yet, the stupid git will get himself killed and we’ll be free from that greasy freak once and for all.” He sighed. “It’s only a pity I’ll only be able to take partial credit for it.”

Rage flooded through Lily and she yanked her wand out of her sleeve and spun around. Her magic fed off her rage and when she yelled “ _Leviosa_ ” at Sirius, her magic slammed into him and lifted him right off the chair with a shout of surprise. She quickly yanked her wand up, taking him with it and then broke the spell, sending him slamming into the far wall and sprawling onto the floor.

While the room burst into an uproar and everyone ran to help a shaking, pale Sirius to his feet, Lily calmly pocketed her wand.

James was staring at her. “Uhm, Evans, that was a bit extreme, don’t you think?”

She narrowed her eyes. “You have no right to preach about what’s extreme and what’s not, and furthermore, don’t you ever call me Evans again, you hear?”

His eyebrows flew up. “Alright. Fine. I’m sorry and I won’t call you Evans again.” He said, sounding vaguely confused by the order.

Lily didn’t feel like explaining but knew he would let it be. She couldn’t bear to hear her last name spoken by anyone in that way. It would always remind her of Sev.

She clenched her jaw and turned to the window again.

James moved over and stood beside her. Reaching up a tentative hand, he gently rubbed her back, relieved when she didn’t lash out at him.

“I’m sorry he ran, Lily.”

She sighed. “No, you’re not.”

He snorted slightly. “Alright, maybe I’m not. But I’m sorry that you’re hurting. And that’s the truth.”

She glanced at him. “I know.”

They stared out the window for a while before Lily spoke again. “I’m going to be an Auror, James.”

He glanced at her. “I know, hon. You’ve been wanting that for a long time.”

She shook her head. “It was only a dream before, James, but now it’s serious,” she said quietly. “Something evil sucked Sev in and is going to destroy his life and I’m going to find that evil and fight it and destroy it.”

She clenched her jaw with determination, but felt a slight hint of doubt within her.

She glanced at James, the doubt evident in her eyes. “But I don’t think I can do it on my own, James. It’s too big for me.”

He smiled at her gently. “You won’t be alone, Lily. If this is what you want, then that’s what we’ll do. I’ll help you fight it.”

She smiled at him and leaned into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and they both stared out the window at a world they didn’t understand but would somehow make right.


	5. Chapter 5

**April 9 th, 1978**

**Malfoy Manor**

 

Narcissa wrinkled her nose slightly as she watched Severus and that filthy elf of his walking around her library, gently touching some of the books and whispering with each other.

She looked at her husband, clearly annoyed. “Why did you have to bring the freak here?”

Lucius waved a dismissive hand at her as he turned to a small table behind himself and poured himself a small glass of firewhisky.

“It’s only for a few days, Narcissa. Be patient. Recruitment testing will be in two days and once training begins he can stay at the manor with the other recruits.”

Narcissa frowned and tossed a strand of her blond hair over her shoulder. “Has the Dark Lord approved of this?”

Lucius snorted. “Of course he has. Otherwise I wouldn’t even bring it up.”

She nodded but still narrowed her eyes at the two figures walking silently through their library.

“And when will you get rid of that filthy elf? It looks hideous.”

Lucius sighed. “Yes, I know, but he wouldn’t even hear of leaving him behind. We can’t just kill him, Narcissa. Severus will suspect we had something to do with it and we might lose him. I don’t have to remind you how badly Master wants him and the other new recruits. He would be very disappointed if he lost him now that we’re so close.”

She sighed, still annoyed. “Fine. But if the thing comes anywhere near me, I’ll hurl him down the stairs and damn the consequences.”

Narrowing her eyes at Gorgon one last time, she spun around and strode out of the library, her personal elf trailing after her.

Lucius drained his glass and his hand went down to grab the crystal decanter again. He frowned down at it when he realized how empty it was.

He sighed. “Dobby!” he called sharply.

Moments later, his small personal elf apparated before him. “Yes, Master Lucius?” he asked, bowing deeply.

“Fill this bottle up at once! What did I say about keeping the bottles in here full at all times? We never know when we’ll have company.”

Dobby carefully kept his head bowed so his master wouldn’t see him roll his eyes. Their so called guests hardly ever drank firewhisky. His master was the only one who drank the substance as if it were water.

“Yes, Master Lucius. Dobby go and fill up bottle right away.”

Reaching up, he grabbed the bottle and disapparated to the kitchen.

 

*             *             *

 

Severus rolled over in his enormous bed and was about to close his eyes when he heard his elf’s stomach growling down by his feet. Again.

“Elf, are you hungry?”

A slight pause. “No, young master. Gorgy had enough.”

Severus rolled his eyes. They both knew Gorgon was still hungry. Narcissa apparently didn’t consider Gorgon to be a guest in her household and had told her elves not to bother preparing something for him to eat when all the other elves had dinner in the kitchen. Severus had seen the revulsion with which the Lady Malfoy had looked at his elf ever since they had arrived and he had discreetly hidden a few scraps of food from his own plate and given them to his elf. Old habits sometimes served one well.

He sighed. But he knew he hadn’t hidden nearly enough, and besides, he was still hungry too. He had no idea what Mr. Malfoy’s reaction would be if he would have caught him hiding food, but he didn’t think he would be pleased about it. Neither of the two Malfoy’s seemed to like his elf too much.

Coming to a fast decision, he pushed the silk covers off himself and climbed out of the enormous bed. Gorgon had commented that the bed was large enough for Xira to sleep in as well. Severus smiled as he remembered. He had gone to check on his thestral right after dinner and was glad to see she was getting along quite well with the other thestrals the Malfoys owned.

“Come on, Gorgon. We’ll go find something to eat,” he whispered, padding barefoot across the floor.

His elf stared at him with wide eyes. “And what if we’s getting caught?”

“Then we’ll simply say we were trying to find the bathroom and we got lost.”

His elf thought this over and then nodded. Leaping silently off the bed, he followed his young master to the door.

As they crept through the dark and silent mansion, old habits made Gorgon protectively wrap his hands in his young master’s nightshirt. It was something he hadn’t felt the need to do for years now.

They walked past numerous closed doors until they reached the side stairway leading down to the kitchen. It was a stairway strictly meant to be used by elves, but Severus had never understood why people would waste so much time trying to be dignified and snotty by going the long way around.

They crept down the stairs, pausing every few steps to listen for noises before continuing on.

They finally reached the tiny kitchen door and Severus knocked politely and waited until an elf opened the door for him.

Severus gave the elf a respectful nod. “Good evening, uhm, Gorgon and I were wondering if there were any leftover scraps of food left. I’ll understand if you’ve cleared everything away already, but I was just wondering.”

The elf—Severus thought his name was Dobby—gave him a wide smile. “Of course there be food leftover! Master Severus and Gorgy must come in quickly!” He hauled the door open all the way and gestured them inside.

Severus gave him a grateful smile and stepped inside. The kitchen was much quieter and smaller than Hogwarts kitchen had been.

Some of the elves were standing by the sinks still scrubbing some dishes, and the others were all lying on small, dirty sacks lying on the floor, already sound asleep.

Dobby turned around and frowned in evident disapproval. He rolled his eyes at Severus and Gorgon. “Kitchen elves. Never know when to work quickly, quickly.”

Severus smiled at the typical response coming from the personal elf. He had heard his elf lamenting the shortcomings of kitchen elves often enough.

Dobby loudly clapped his hands and quickly reprimanded them in Elfish to get up and make the two of them something to eat, using rather vulgar language as far as Elfish was concerned. Severus bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling and he heard Gorgon’s hiss of disapproval from behind him. 

“He’s got a mouth worse than Evans, huh?” Severus asked in quiet Elfish. His elf snorted, but unfortunately, Dobby had heard him.

Spinning around to face him, Dobby stared at him with wide eyes. “Master Severus speaking Elfish.”

Severus smiled. “Yes,” he answered in Elfish.

Dobby’s eyes grew even wider and he clapped his hands over his mouth. “Oh, Merlin! Merlin! Dobby so bad! Use such bad language!” Spinning around, he ran towards the sink. Severus quickly grabbed him and hauled him back, knowing he was going to the sink to thoroughly scrub his mouth out with soap and scrubbing sponges.

“It’s alright, Dobby. I’ve heard and used it all before, trust me.”

Dobby stared at him and the other elves in the kitchen all stopped working and gaped at him. Dobby finally found his voice. “So Dobby not have to punish himself?”

Severus shook his head. “No, it’s alright.”

His elf gave him a slight pat, letting him know he thoroughly approved of this.

Dobby stared at him for another moment in stunned wonder, before finally turning around and telling the elves to quit staring at Master Severus and make him something to eat.

Moments later, the elves sleepily roused themselves and hurried to warm some leftovers and cut them fresh bread and pour them tall glasses of juice.

Severus volunteered to help—since the elves had already worked hard to prepare one dinner and technically, he and Gorgon weren’t a part of their regular household— but the elves wouldn’t hear of it.

When dinner was prepared, the elves hurried around and rolled a large barrel in front of Severus, who quickly transfigured it into a suitable table. Plates were set onto the table with a flourish and the elves clustered around the small table, watching Severus and Gorgon digging into their dinner.

Thinking that they needed to be entertained while eating, one of the elves started singing an old drinking song in Elfish which Severus had heard many times when his elf had had a bit too much too drink.

The elf’s eyes nearly fell out of her head when she heard Severus humming along and even helping out when she forgot one of the verses. Gorgon’s eyes twinkled at him proudly.

All too soon, they were done eating and they insisted helping the elves clean up. Only when the elves started yawning and heading towards their sacks, did Severus and Gorgon bid everyone good night and go towards the door.

Dobby swung the door shut after them and then turned to exchange a long look with the elf who had sung with Severus.

“He is good person.”

The elf stared at him, knowing what Dobby wanted to do. Her eyes darkened and she vigorously shook her head. “No. We not interfere with Master’s affairs. It none of our business why Master Severus here—”

“But we’s knowing why he here and where he going! We seen this too many times before! They all wide eyed and not knowing anything and then they’s all going and turn into monsters!”

The elf put her hands on her hips and shook her head. “It not matter what happens! It only matter that this not our affair! All we do is feed and be nice while they here and send our prayers with them. But that all! We not interfere! It not our place!”

Dobby stared at her sadly, before nodding and sighing softly. “Miri right. Not our place.”

 

**April 11, 1978**

**Malfoy Manor**

 

Severus took a deep, nervous breath and pulled his hood over his head as he followed Mr. Malfoy to the front foyer of the manor. Lucius was dressed in his Death Eater robes with the black mask pulled over his face. Black gloves covered his hands and the long, black cloak was attached to his shoulders by two silver clips in the shape of a skull with a serpent protruding from its mouth. Around his waist, Lucius had tied a silver string, which had to be symbolic of something, but Severus had no idea of what. Lucius pulled his hood over his head and then glanced around the foyer, trying to remember if he had forgotten something.

Frowning, he finally sighed with irritation and touched the back of his cloak with his wand. The pitch black fabric shimmered and suddenly, a rim of silver bordered the edge of it and in the very center of it appeared the same skull and serpent as on his shoulders.

Severus raised his eyes, impressed. Lucius nearly rolled his eyes at him, but remembered at the last moment that the freak could still see his eyes.

“The cloak is charmed to hide the mark at the mere touch of our wands. The cloak is warm and extremely useful and we can use them when walking about in public without arousing any suspicion.”

Severus nodded, very impressed and a bit intimidated by the hooded, black figure standing before him.

Pulling up the sleeve of his left arm, Lucius reached out with his other hand and looped his arm through Severus’. Pulling his wand out once more, he muttered the apparation charm and touched something on his left forearm at the same time. Severus wanted to ask why it was necessary to touch his arm when apparating, but the wind was yanked out of him as his feet left the ground and he felt himself rushing somewhere, his body and his mind racing along beside each other.

Finally, he felt his feet make contact with the ground once more. Immediately, Lucius let him go and Severus nearly stumbled in the darkness.

He caught himself and carefully straightened up. He could feel the darkness pressing around him, saturated with dark magic. He knew instinctively that this was where the Dark Lord lived. Where it was, he had no idea. Probably somewhere underground.

His first instinct had been to light his wand, but when he saw that Lucius had conjured up a torch and had lit it with bright green fire, he knew that it would probably be terribly rude to light his own wand.

He blinked a few times before his eyes got used to the gloomy darkness surrounding him. Despite the flickering of the many torches hanging on the stone walls of the corridor they were standing in, the darkness still seemed to dominate and press around him. Severus found it slightly comforting, but a part of him still wished he could see better. His night vision was still superb, but living in the light rooms of Hogwarts for so long had left his eyes a bit rusty and spoiled.

Without another word, Lucius turned and strode down the corridor with Severus trailing after him, hurrying to keep up.

They wound their way through numerous other corridors, all cold and dark and lined with flickering green torches. There were some black doorways hidden in the walls but Lucius swept right past them. When they came to one corridor, they made a sharp left turn and continued onwards, not moving down the stairs which snuck down into the darkness on their right side. Severus curiously glanced over his shoulder at the stairway. A peculiar smell drifted up from their depth and it took him only a moment to realize he recognized the smell and had smelt it many times before. But after nearly tripping on a stone in the floor, he focused his attentions to where his feet were bringing him. The manor was enormous. They continued walking, sometimes going up stairs and sometimes hurrying down another flight of them and winding their way through so many hallways—all of which looked the same—that Severus knew he’d never find his way out on his own.

Lucius glanced over his shoulder. “There’s no need to feel intimidated by the size of the place, Severus. It took me weeks until I knew where everything was. But if you’re ever lost, don’t bother trying to find a door to the outside.”

“Why not?” Severus frowned.

Lucius smiled coldly, glad Severus couldn’t see his face. “Because there isn’t one. There are only two ways to leave the manor. One is by apparating, and then only at certain points in the manor, and the other is by being on a thestral. The stone wall in the stables on the lower levels is charmed to open only for a thestral running towards it.”

Severus frowned. “But couldn’t anybody just apparate inside?”

“No. Only those with the mark can apparate here. Nobody knows where this manor lies. The Dark Lord charmed its destination into our marks. We can apparate to it anytime we wish, even when he hasn’t summoned us.”

Severus frowned again. “But when one rides the thestrals away from here, isn’t it possible to remember the route one took and then retrace it?”

Lucius sighed softly, rolling his eyes at the incessant stupid questions. “The thestrals are guided by magic to and from this place but they can only come to it if their masters wish them to. If an Auror would get a hold of the thestral, no amount of yelling at them would allow the thestral to find its way here. As for us, the thestrals guide us away from here and the route is automatically wiped from our memories as we fly. Only when we are at a sufficient enough distance away can we remember where we are.”

Severus raised his eyebrows, again impressed. As far as security was concerned, the Dark Lord had thought of everything.

They finally came to a stop before a large door. Lucius pushed it open and gestured for Severus go walk inside.

Severus hesitated. He had no idea what was behind that door and he didn’t want to face it alone.

Lucius struggled not to roll his eyes. “Get in, already! I don’t have all day!” he hissed at him, pushing him slightly.

Severus felt stung with hurt at the harsh tone. Stumbling from the push, he wanted to ask Lucius why he was upset with him, but moments after he had stepped inside, Lucius slammed the door shut.

Severus frowned at the door, still confused, but only after a moment became aware of the many other people in the room. He turned around and glanced them over. Like him, they were all cloaked but unmasked. These must be the other recruits.

Some of them were quietly talking amongst themselves and other nervously paced around the room, muttering dark spells to themselves. Others, like him, simply stood and stared around, having no idea what was going on.

It was then that he saw her.

She was leaning against the wall beside the door, her arms crossed over her chest and her dark eyes staring at him with one of her eyebrows raised. There was an arrogant, tough air around her and Severus immediately felt a hint of intimidation.

Then she smiled at him. It was a tough, faint half smile but her eyes glittered a bit. Severus tentatively smiled back.

Immediately, she pushed herself off the wall and strode over to him, her strides sure and confident. Severus felt a twinge of recognition when he saw that walk, but couldn’t place it.

She walked right up to him and narrowed her eyes for a moment. “You must be Severus Snape.”

He gaped at her. She gave him that tough smile again and tossed her head slightly. “I’ve spent weeks learning everything there is to know about the other recruits, including you. Since you were the last to arrive, you must be Severus Snape.”

He nodded, technically an unnecessary gesture.

“I’m Bellatrix Black,” she said.

Severus’ eyes immediately narrowed when he heard that last name. That was where he had seen that walk before. That arrogance.

“You wouldn’t happen to be related to Sirius Black, would you?”

Her eyes flashed. “Not anymore. We were cousins but we threw him out of the family a few years ago. He’s nothing but a spineless, Gryffindor licking traitor to the cause.”

Severus immediately smiled. He liked her. “Well, it seems we agree on something.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Really?” she sounded pleased.

Severus glanced around himself for a moment, and only then realized how many people were standing in groups of two, talking quietly and gesturing with their wands.

She followed his line of sight and looked at him. “Do you have a partner already?”

He stared at her. “Partner? For what?”

She stared back at him incredulously. “You don’t know about the partners?”

He wordlessly shook his head, feeling immensely stupid. He was afraid she’d laugh at him, but she didn’t.

“Well, it’s understandably Lucius didn’t tell you about it. He’s always felt that his recruits should spend more time studying than preparing for the recruitment session.”

She rolled her eyes, obviously not impressed with him. When she saw Severus frown, she smiled slightly. “He’s my brother in law. Narcissa’s my sister.”

Severus nodded.

She tossed a strand of pitch black hair over her shoulder. “Anyway, the recruitment’s simple. Everyone picks a partner and when it’s our turn, we’ll go into that room there—” she pointed at a small doorway across the room from them. “—and we’ll have to prove how well we can fight and survive.”

“We fight each other?”

“No. There’s a bunch of deranged muggles and mudbloods in there. They’re crazy, the lot of them. They’ll rip you apart with their teeth if they can get a hold of you.”

Severus nodded, not as shocked as she would have probably wanted him to be. He had seen enough of these kinds of deranged beasts—nobody could really call them human anymore—and knew how to handle them.

“All we have to do is keep standing until they’re all dead or stunned. Then we passed. If we don’t, they’ll win and tear us to bits. It’s a security measure, really. If anybody doesn’t pass recruitment, they’re already dead so they can’t tell anyone what they’ve seen here or learned.”

Severus swallowed hard. He had no idea how many of the things would be in that room, but he knew this wouldn’t be a simple matter.

He bit his lip, his mind already mulling over how to best approach this. The thought that he was thinking up the most efficient means of slaughtering mentally deranged human beings never entered his mind. After all, it was either his survival or theirs.

She raised her eyebrows at him. “So, any ideas?”

He frowned. “We’ll need to work our way into a corner first. There’s no telling how many there will be and if we’re in a corner we don’t have to worry about watching our backs. If we both get into a corner together we can beat them off.”

She nodded. “That’s exactly what I thought. We’d need to erect shields at first to see how many there are and how big the room is—”

Severus nodded excitedly, glad she was thinking the same way he was. “And then we just start firing like mad.”

She nodded. “We should stun them instead of killing them all.”

He nodded in agreement. “It would be too taxing to kill them all, especially if we miss.”

“And if one of us falls—”

“Then the other covers for him or her until they’re back up on their feet.” He finished for her.

They smiled at each other, the first hints of friendship blooming.

She nodded. “Just remember that we’re partners. We go into this together and we come out of this together.”

Severus nodded and stuck out his hand. She took it and shook it, sealing their promise.

 

At the time, neither of the two sixteen year olds realized how serious this promise would become and the long, long years it would bind them together for.

 

Severus realized he was relentlessly chewing on his lip with nervousness. There were only three groups left in the room, including him and Bellatrix. Five other groups had already gone, but how they fared was anybody’s guess since none of them returned. A few hours ago, a tall, hooded and masked man had swept into the room and quickly told them what order they would be going in. Then he’d turned and walked through a sidedoor into another room, leaving them alone again.

Severus had quietly told Bellatrix about the illumination charm he had been using for years, guessing that there wouldn’t be any light in the room. She had listened raptly while he described the charm and the incantation. Without waiting for a demonstration, she nodded and quickly lit up her fingers and dropped the flames into her eyes with no hesitation. Severus followed suit and once they were both sure the charm had worked properly, they went back to waiting.

Bellatrix had gone back to leaning against the wall, from time to time narrowing her eyes at the other recruits or telling Severus to quit chewing on his lip before he bled to death.

Finally, it was their turn.

Bellatrix pushed herself off the wall and proudly strode towards the room with Severus trailing behind her.

They paused and pulled their hoods off and pulled their wands out of their sleeves.

Bellatrix glanced at him. “Ready?” she whispered.

He nodded. “I guess I have to be.”

She shot him that half smile again and proudly held her head high. Moving together, they gently touched the black door with their hands and then stepped back.

A ward was shimmering before them, allowing the passage of only two people at a time and sealing it from the inside, not allowing anybody back out. It sparked wildly as something heavy threw itself against it from the other side.

Severus heard harsh, guttural breathing and snarling coming from inside but before he had a chance to change his mind, Bellatrix stepped through the ward and he followed her.

Immediately, the door slammed shut behind them and Bellatrix and Severus both yelled “ _Protego_!” before hurling themselves through the room into the farthest corner. He felt bodies brushing past his temporary shield but he ignored them until he had reached the corner. Turning around, he quickly scanned the room. It was completely bare except for five wide eyed, snarling human beings who were crouching around the floor. Some of them crouched on the floor, drooling and chewing on their fingers and others snarled and hissed madly, their fingers twisted into claws.

“There’s five. Work from the inside out.” Bellatrix’s voice whispered into his ear, lest these mad beings could still understand normal speech.

He nodded and they quickly dropped their shields and started yelling curses and throwing stunners with as much accuracy as possible.

The first two were stunned almost immediately and the third leapt out of the way but Severus conjured up ropes and tied it up and Bellatrix immediately hoisted the bundle up and hung it from a hook from the ceiling, keeping it out of the way. Severus quickly shot a stunner up at it and it went limp, swinging back and forth, it’s wide, dazed eyes staring down at him.

The other two were more difficult. For some reason, stunners seemed to have no effect on them—undoubtly some powerful dark magic protection they had been infused with. One of them launched itself at Bellatrix and she transfigured her wand into a knife and stabbed it in the throat. While it continued clawing at her, Severus shot a rope out of his wand and it wound itself around the creature’s neck. Pulling back sharply, Severus waited until he heard the crunch of bone breaking, and moments later, it fell from Bellatrix’s knife, completely dead. The last one started madly clawing at Severus but Bellatrix quickly kicked it in the head and Severus tied it up and together, they chained it to the wall securily. It struggled for a few more moments until Bellatrix pointed her wand at it and cried “ _Avada Kedavra_ ”. Bright green light flashed through the small room and moments later, the creature hung dead from its chains, staring dumbly at nothing.

Immediately, the wall behind them shimmered and turned into a doorway which swung open.

Gasping for breath and leaning on each other, they stumbled through the door. Severus couldn’t believe it. They had done it. They had passed.

“Hoods up and get into line,” a stern voice ordered.

Immediately, Severus reached up with shaking hands and pulled his hood up and tucked his wand back up his sleeve. Beside him, Bellatrix did the same. She nearly stumbled from exhaustion—the killing curse having used up a lot of her energy—and Severus grabbed her elbow to steady her.

They walked over to stand next to the other groups of recruits. Severus immediately noticed there were only two groups beside them. Bellatrix had noticed the same thing and she turned her head slightly and they exchanged a small smile.

Glancing up, Severus saw that the same tall man who had given them their orders in the other room was standing before them.

Bellatrix was staring at him with narrowed eyes. “That’s Mulciber. He’s the Dark Lord’s Initiations Master,” she whispered.

Severus frowned, confused. “I thought Lucius was his Initiations Master.”

She rolled her eyes and smiled. “No. Lucius is his Recruitment Master. He just reels them in. That’s all he does.”

Severus felt another small stab of pain within him, but before he had a chance to think about it, Mulciber shifted slightly and straightened up.

Glancing at the door Bellatrix and him had stumbled out of, Severus didn’t see any other groups coming out.

Mulciber drew himself up and stared at them from within the slits in his mask.

“Welcome and congratulations. You have passed the first test necessary to become a loyal servant of the Dark. You have all proven yourselves to be capable wizards, quick thinkers and loyal to your partners. All of these characteristics are vital for Death Eaters and will aid you greatly during your training.”

Severus couldn’t help but feel a shred of pride light up within him. He had passed. He and Bellatrix both had.

“Your capabilities have all been assessed and your places have already been chosen. Some of you will have more responsibilities and thus, more training than others, but everyone will get basic duelling and defensive training including curse deflection and proper casting and so on and so forth. There are many other groups of recruits throughout this manor all at various stages of their initiation and training but you will all be ready for the initiation ceremony in two months time. Those of you who have a lot of training to get through will be remaining here in the manor until the initiation ceremony, at which time you may choose to return home or remain here on a permanent basis. As Initiations Master I have assigned each group one of my assistants who will help you with your basic training. I have spoken with the other masters and they have sent me a schedule of when their personal intiates will be undergoing specific training.”

Severus felt as if his head was spinning. He could barely understand what the man was saying, only that there was a lot of work for him to get through in the next two months. He bit his lip, already anxious about learning everything in time.

With a wave of his hand, Mulciber conjured up a stack of papers and sent them flying towards each of them.

Severus glanced his over. There was a small room number written across the top and below that, he saw a schedule very much like his old Hogwarts schedule had been. He had duelling practice every day for three hours and after that, he had three hours of potions lessons with a man named Dolohov. The name of his duelling trainer wasn’t written on there and Severus guessed it wasn’t too important.

Bellatrix glanced at his paper. “Oh, we’ve got rooms right beside each other!” she whispered excitedly.

Severus smiled, glad to know that he’d have at least one familiar face nearby until he went back to the Malfoy manor to quickly get his elf.

He glanced at her paper and saw that they had dueling practice together—of course, partners stuck together until the end—and then she had three hours of interrogation theory and practice with a man named Macnair, the Interrogations Master.

He was about to ask why somebody would ever want to become an Interrogations Master when Mulciber waved his hand at them and dismissed them.

Bellatrix grabbed his arm and steered him out of the room, already smiling excitedly at the thought of finding their rooms.

Still feeling a bit lost and confused and quietly wishing that his elf were here and that Lucius hadn’t left him, Severus clutched Bellatrix’s hand and followed her down the dark corridor.

She glanced at him as she strode down the corridor. “Don’t worry, Sev! We’ve got each other, remember? We’re partners until the end.”

 

*             *             *

 

A few hours later, Severus apparated back to the Malfoy manor. He nearly fell over from exhaustion but grabbed hold of a small marble table just in time to keep himself from sprawling onto the floor. He wanted to run and find Lucius and tell him how well he had done, but he knew he should tell his elf first.

Running towards the stairs, he sprinted up them and turned the corner to his room. With a flourish and a proud smile on his face, he flung open the door.

“Guess what?” he cried.

But instead of seeing his elf sitting on the bed, there was a young girl, close to his own age, lying on the covers and leaving through a book. She jerked upright as soon as he burst into the door and stared at him with wide eyes.

“May I help you?” she asked, obviously quite startled.

Severus stared at her, confused. For a moment he thought he’d gotten the wrong room, but then he glanced around and saw his small bag of books still on the floor beside the bed.

They stared at each other, both very confused. “Uhm, I’m looking for my elf,” Severus stammered, aware of how stupid he sounded.

She stared at him and raised her eyebrows. “Your elf? Well, uhm, I haven’t seen an elf since I arrived a few hours ago but you might want to check the kitchen. Mr. Malfoy said that was where all their elves stayed.”

He nodded dumbly, still confused. He was about to turn around and go when curiousity got the better of him.

“Uhm, may I ask what you’re doing here?”

She raised an eyebrow and looked him up and down. “I don’t really see how that’s your business.”

He nodded, having to agree with her. He nodded his chin at the small bag on the floor. “It’s just that those are my books and this is my room.”

She frowned, confused. “Really? You must be mistaken. Lady Malfoy brought me up here just a few hours ago saying this was my room and that I’ll be staying here until the recruitment session.”

Severus stared at her. A sick feeling started creeping through him. She was obviously not disturbed by this. She gave him a small smile and rolled off the bed. “Well, I’m terribly sorry if they didn’t tell you. I didn’t know there was somebody in here before me. But here—” She picked up his bag of books and handed it to him. “These are obviously yours and I wouldn’t dream of stealing them from you.” She looked worried. “Please don’t think I kept them in here deliberately. I thought they were the Malfoy’s books.”

Severus stared at her, still feeling slightly ill and confused. He took the bag from her with numb hands, mumbling something about a thank you or not to worry about it.

They stood there, Severus staring at her with confusion and her smiling slightly, obviously a bit worried that he’d faint on the spot.

Suddenly, Severus heard hushed voices arguing fiercely down the corridor and moments later, loud strides echoed through the hall before Lucius appeared in the doorway.

He had that bright, coaxing smile on his face and his eyes were twinkling as he looked at the girl.

“Oh, good morning, Lyla. I didn’t realize you’d arrive this early. I do hope you’ve been making yourself comfortable.”

She nodded. “Everything is very comfortable and nice, sir,” she said, smiling back automatically. Severus recognized that smile. It was the same smile Lucius could coax out of him by being so nice and understanding. He felt his head swimming.

Lucius nodded. “Good, good. Now, don’t worry about this stranger here, he’s just someone who stumbled into the wrong room,” he laughed, but the laugh sounded quite strained. He grabbed Severus’ arm in a vice grip and yanked him towards the door.

“Come along, Severus, let’s let Lyla get settled in,” he muttered, his teeth clenched but a dazzling smile still directed at Lyla who was still smiling like a puppet and staring at him.

Severus was barely aware of having his arm nearly wrenched out of its socket as he was pulled out of the room and the door was slammed shut behind him.

Suddenly, Lucius spun him around. Severus stared up at him, terrified. The smile was gone, the twinkle was gone. All that was left was a furious glare and faint tints of red in his pale cheeks from anger.

“What are you doing here?”

“Uhm, I came to get—uhm, Gorgon, sir.”

“I thought you were assigned rooms at the manor,” He spat.

“Uhm, I was, sir. But I came to get Gorgon and my books,” he held up his small bag with trembling hands.

Lucius sighed and spat a rather vile curse. “Well then get downstairs and get that little filthy pet of yours and get back to the manor. I can’t have you running around places you’re not supposed to be in.”

Severus nodded, still feeling numb and ill. Lucius glared down at him and when Severus didn’t move, he swore again and shoved him towards the stairway leading down to the kitchen.

“Go already! You’ve done enough damage! You useless freak!” he hissed.

Severus felt tears biting his eyes as he clenched his jaw and refused to allow himself to cry. It didn’t matter, he firmly told himself. It didn’t matter.

Stumbling towards the stairs, he slowly made his way down them, trembling hands holding onto the banister and choking back sobs.

Above him, he could hear Lucius swearing again before storming off down the corridor and slamming a door shut behind him.

Severus met his elf half way down the stairs. Gorgon was crouching on one of the stairs, but pushed himself up and sadly stared up at his young master.

“Young master alright?”

Severus stopped and sank down on one of the stairs, shaking his head, his shoulders shaking from pent up sobs.

“I thought he was my friend, Gorgon. I thought he really liked me,” he whispered, choking back sobs.

Gorgon sighed sadly. He had known this moment would come. A part of him had hoped that the blond pig would be better at his job and be able to hide his manipulations from Severus, but what was done was done. “Oh, young master. It not matter now. We not have to be around Master Lucius anymore. We can go back to Hogwarts right now, young master.”

Severus continued shaking and hugged his knees, still reeling from hurt. But after a moment, his elf’s words sank in.

“Go back? Elf, we can’t go back,” Severus stared at him incredulously, almost wanting to laugh. “I’ve got training tomorrow morning and I haven’t even met the Dark Lord yet, and I can’t leave Bellatrix. We’re partners.”

Gorgon stared at him for a long moment. “Is young master sure about this?”

Severus bit his lip and glanced up the stairs to make sure nobody was coming. “Look, elf, we can’t go back. They’ll kill us if we run. Bellatrix told me they would. We’ve already gotten a foot in the door and we can’t take it back out. Besides, Bellatrix is really nice and she actually likes me and wants to be my friend and the manor is huge and we get a room all to ourselves and I get to have potions lessons and dark magic lessons and dueling lessons and everything.” Severus smiled at his elf, his tears already forgotten. “It’ll be fun, elf. You’ll see. There will be lots of other elves there too.”

Gorgon sighed softly but forced a small smile onto his face. He had tried and that was all he could do. He couldn’t force his young master to go back to Hogwarts. All he could do was stay by his side, watch over him and wait for the right moment.

But when that moment would come, the old elf didn’t know. He just prayed it didn’t come too late.

Severus pushed himself up. “Let’s go, elf.”

Creeping down the stairs, they made their way to one of the other stairways until they reached the front foyer. They snuck out the door and ran around until they reached the courtyard where the thestrals were milling around.

Dodging around them, they finally found Xira, who neighed happily and trotted up to them. Severus smiled at her and gently pat her muzzle.

“Hello, girl. I hope you’ve been having a good time but we’ve got to move one more time.”

Xira nodded, having expected this.

Severus bit his lip. “But I can’t apparate there on my own, Xira. I don’t have that thingy on my arm yet. The only other way we can get there is if you take us.”

She nodded again, also having expected this. In preparation for her leaving, Mr. Malfoy had come down to the yard last night and had muttered some spells over her, infusing her with the location of the manor, hiding it deep within her soul where her mind couldn’t reach it but her body instantly yearned for it.

Giving her another pat, Severus swung himself up onto her back and then helped Gorgon up, who sighed and as always muttered about despising flying and running around above the ground.

Severus tied his bag down and then grabbed hold of Xira’s mane and made sure his elf was holding on tightly enough.

“Alright, Xira. You know where to go,” he whispered.

She snorted once and then turned and cantered across the yard, her hooves loudly echoing off the cobblestones. Reaching the end, Severus waved his wand at the gate and it swung open. They burst through it and ran down the road for a bit until Severus gave her a low whistle, and immediately, Xira spread her wings and ran up into the sky, the huge black wings beating the air around her.

Severus hooked his legs before her wing joints and tightly tangled his hands in her mane as it whipped into his face, knowing she would take him where he needed to go.

 

**April 12 – June 19 th, 1978**

**The Dark Manor**

 

The next two months swept by in a blur for both Severus and Gorgon. Training everyday was exhausting enough but his elf always demanded to know exactly what he had learned and what he needed extra practice with. Gorgon knew that if his young master failed initiation, he would be killed, since letting him go would be an immense security risk. Even though Gorgon despised the magic his young master was learning and practicing, he valued his life above his education and devoted himself to helping him learn and practice just like they had done for years in Hogwarts and back in the old manor.

Severus found himself utterly exhausted, but truly content for the first time in a long time. His dueling sessions were grueling but gave him the opportunity to practice magic which had long lain dormant within him. He was always partnered with Bella. Sometimes he dueled her and sometimes they partnered up and fought their instructor or other pairs of initiates. Severus learned quickly that dark dueling was very different from the kind of magic which would have been taught at Hogwarts.

First and foremost, there was only one rule. The killing curse was not to be used. At any moment, for whatever reason. Bella had nearly gotten hit by it when they were dueling two other intiates and one of them had gotten frustrated when it became obvious that Severus and Bella were working them into the ground. He had paused for a moment and then flung the killing curse at Bella. Bella had heard the first syllables of the incantation—a skill their instructor had taught them very early on—and had managed to throw herself to the side. It would have still grazed her and possibly left her paralyzed for life, but their instructor threw a deflecting hex at it and the curse veered off and slammed into the stone wall of their practicing chamber, leaving an enormous hole in the wall.

The instructor had been enraged at the initiate who had fired off the curse. Screaming at him that killing each other wasn’t the point of the training and that he had disobeyed a direct order from a superior, he had snapped his fingers. Moments later, two elves apparated at his feet. He told them to go and get some of Macnair’s assistants. Severus had no idea what this meant, but Bella smirked and an ugly smile spread over her face as she nodded with satisfaction.

Moments later, two masked and hooded people glided into the room. Wordlessly, they stared at the hole in the wall and the cowering initiate crouching on the floor. Their instructor pointed at him. “Teach this pathetic idiot that when I give an order, it is to be obeyed. And more importantly, one doesn’t kill one of our own. I’ll leave the actual number up to Macnair, but I think ten lashes should do it.”

The two nodded and conjured up chains which clamped onto the young man’s wrists and ankles. Holding onto the ends of the chains, the two turned around and walked off, dragging the man behind them. Obviously terrified now, his face paled and his eyes widened and he stared around.

“No! Wherever you’re taking me, stop! Please! I didn’t mean it! I forgot! I’m sorry!” he screamed as he tried to grab hold of the marble tiled floor. Nobody in the room paid any attention to him.

A small part of Severus felt sorry for him, mostly because he knew his punishment wouldn’t be painless or easy, and he wanted to speak up and say that this was his first dueling session and he just got frustrated. But then he quickly remembered that the idiot had nearly killed his partner. His eyes narrowed and he lifted his chin as he glared down at the man being dragged through the door, still screaming and sobbing from fear now, still crying that he was sorry and he wouldn’t do it again.

He had hurt his partner and now he would pay for it. It was as simple as that.

Severus never knew precisely where this fierce loyalty for Bella had come from. Maybe it had started as soon as she had come up to him and introduced herself and accepted him on the spot. Maybe it had happened over the past few weeks when she had watched over him and never left him alone and answered all of his questions, no matter how stupid they might be.

Bella and him had spent nearly every single day together since the recruitment. She was always coming into his room and rummaging through his books and sitting on his chair and reading quietly. The first time Severus had come in to find her in his room, he had momentarily confused her with Evans, but when he saw her quietly squinting and utterly absorbed in a thick volume on ancient curses, he knew it couldn’t be anybody but Bella. There were many ways in which his old friend and his partner were the same. Both were headstrong, fierce and independent, but where Evans was carefree and lazy, Bella was serious and studious. Practicing and learning with her was a joy. She grasped concepts just as quickly as he did and practiced them with a seriousness and precision which rivaled his own. Even their instructor sometimes expressed amazement at the speed at which they could grasp brand new spells and curses.

She was an avid reader too and for the first time in his life, Severus could actually bring up some passing reference to a book he had read long ago and not find confused, blinking stares directed his way but a nod of understanding and then a launching into a debate on whether he was really right or not.

Bella also turned out to be an invaluable source of information for him. Many of the other recruits had grown up in dark families and had been hearing about the hierarchy and structure of the dark side their entire lives, whereas Severus knew next to nothing. But Bella was quick to fill him in on everything.

Those closest to the Dark Lord were members of the Inner Circle. It was easy to spot them in a crowd since they wore a simple, silver rope tied around their waists. These were his masters and were his most trusted and loyal servants. Each of them had a specific job and it was their responsibility to select and train new initiates to be their assistants. Nobody knew precisely how many assistants each master had, since they were constantly being replaced due to dying or being killed. Not even Bella knew precisely how many masters there were. She knew a few, such as Malfoy being the Recruitment Master, Macnair being the Interrogations Master, Dolohov—whom Severus spent nearly every day with—being the Potions Master and Mulciber being the Initiations Master.

Severus spent many hours sneaking around the dark manor with Gorgon behind him and clutching his robes, trying to find his way around the dark corridors. He had discovered hundreds of small rooms, all of which belonged either to new initiates or the numerous assistants. There was only one hallway which had a ward shimmering over it at all times and nobody could enter it except for when they were in the company of a master. This was the hallway which led to the Dark Lord’s chambers and the private chambers of the masters. Severus often snuck up there and hid in a corner with his elf, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Dark Lord, whom none of the initiates—not even Bella—had ever seen before. But no matter how long he crouched in the darkness, he never spied the Dark Master throughout his weeks of training. Far from this being a disappointment, it made Severus even more determined to pass initiation when the time came, since Bella assured him the Dark Lord would be presiding over the ceremony.

His potions lessons were also proving to be quite interesting, but not as taxing or informative as the dueling sessions he had with Bella. Most of the other initiates didn’t have the enormous knowledge he had and some of them were—in his opinion—nothing but clumsy idiots. The lessons were conducted in the same manner as his potions lessons in school had been. Dolohov would come sweeping into the room, write up a recipe for a potion and then prowl among them, sneering or nodding with approval while they cut, diced, weighed, washed, mixed, stirred and bottled. Most of the potions were standard potions—Veritaserum, Strengthening Serum, Skele-Gro, Flu and Herbal Remedies, Pain Reliving Potions, Draught of Living Death, Hangover Remedies and other such vital potions needed by the hundreds of people living in the manor.

The other potions were more difficult and even Severus found himself struggling with them. He had read about most of the potions they were making, but due to the headmaster’s incomprehensible bias where dark magic was concerned, Severus could never practice making them.

They learned how to whip up pain inducing potions, how to adjust organ elongating or organ killing potions to be specific for a certain body part, and how to make powerful hallucinogenic potions which allowed an interrogator to create whatever image they wanted in their subjects mind and have them believe it as the truth. They learned dozens of other useful potions to make and whenever one of them made an exceptionally good batch, Dolohov would bottle it up and proudly deliver it to Macnair, which the Interrogations Master eagerly used to help train his own initiates. Bella had told Severus numerous times how proud she was when she saw one of the potions they were using on some muggle—who happened to be their demonstrations device for the hour—and seeing Severus’ name on the label and proudly whispering to her fellow initiates that it was her partner who had created that potion.

Severus always glowed with pride when Dolohov bottled up one of his potions and sent it down to Macnair and when Bella afterwards came to congratulate him and tell him how well it had worked. Severus never stopped to consider what those words truly meant, all he knew was that he had made a good potion and had made people proud of him. That, and he felt just a bit smug that he had managed to make a good batch out of twenty or so other initiates who had been brewing the same potion.

He hardly had any interaction with the other people living in the manor except for those initiates training with him, but to his utter surprise, he found Lucius sitting in his chair one night after he had returned from training.

Severus’ first instinct was to turn around and leave, not wanting to hear anything the man had to say, but something stopped him.

Lucius was smiling at him. An answering smile tugged on the corner of his lips but he tried forcing it off his face. To hide the struggle, he bowed his head respectfully as he had learned to do when facing a master.

“Severus! How nice to see you! I wanted to come by earlier but I have been terribly busy.”

Severus didn’t say anything, the pain from a few weeks ago still fresh on his mind.

Lucius tilted his head and sighed. “Oh, I do hope you’re still not upset with me for being so abrupt back in the manor. I had a terrible day and I’m afraid I took my anger out on you. Awful things I don’t truly mean tend to fly out of my mouth on those days.”

Somehow Severus doubted the sincerity of those words. That hadn’t been the first time Lucius had been cold and abrupt with him, but he didn’t say that. After all, he was talking to a master.

Lucius carefully examined his fingernails for a moment before looking up.

“So, I do hope this little spat of ours has been cleared up.”

Severus glanced up at him. He knew as well as Lucius did that Lucius still didn’t like him. In fact, Lucius had probably never liked him. He had simply ‘reeled’ him in like Bella had said. Severus had been a job, just like Lyla and probably countless of others who had been pulled in by that charming smile and the façade of a caring, understanding person who was their friend.

Severus knew now that it had all been a charade. A very skillfully played out charade. A very Slytherin like charade.

Well, he was a Slytherin too, wasn’t he? His mind worked quickly, trying to decide what to do. It wouldn’t be a good idea to be overly rude to Lucius. That could get him into a lot of trouble very quickly. But he resented the idea of being nice to him after knowing that the older man couldn’t stand him and didn’t want to be his friend.

But his mind kept on whirling. Being on Lucius’ good side could prove to be helpful at some point or another. Maybe not any time soon, but perhaps later.

And in order to stay on his good side, he’d have to play the insecure, desperate freak Lucius thought he was. Well, he knew that he really was an insecure and desperate freak but not when it came to people who didn’t like him. He could hate them right back. But not this time. He was a Slytherin, and wasn’t cunning manipulation one of the traits his house mates were best known for?

Making up his mind, he forced a small smile onto his face and nodded shyly.

“Of course, sir. I realized right after I left that you were just having a bad day.”

Lucius’ smile widened and he nodded. “I knew you would come around very quickly, my little bright one. I knew you’d understand. After all, minds like yours don’t come around very often, do they?”

No, they don’t, and I’m putting mine to good use, _sir_. That was what he wanted to say. But he just blushed faintly and ducked his head, like he had always done when being paid a compliment.

Lucius smiled and pushed himself up. “Well, now that that’s settled, I really have to be on my way. I’ll stop by later and see how your studies are going.”

Severus forced a glow of eagerness into his eyes. “Oh, I’d like that very much, sir.”

Lucius chuckled. “Yes, I knew you would.” Without another word, he swept out of the room as if he owned it and shut the door behind him.

Immediately, the glow and the shy smile vanished and Severus stared at the door, a grim smile of satisfaction curling his lips. Now it was Lucius’ turn to be manipulated. But there would be a difference.

He wouldn’t mess up and reveal his true feelings for the Recruitment Master. No. He’d be very careful. And there would come a day when it would all pay off. Of that he was sure.

 

**June 20 th, 1978**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Severus frowned down at the chess board and then glared at the smug look on his elf’s face.

Gorgon wiggled his eyebrows at him. Scowling, Severus bent over to scrutinize the board again and mulled over how to avoid his elf’s imminent victory.

Bella glanced up from her book and smirked. “An elf proving to be a challenge?”

He glared at her. “You shut your mouth and put your nose back into that book or I’ll make that book a part of your face permanently.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Uh huh. Bring it on.”

Severus stuck his tongue out at her and was about to turn his attentions back to the board when his door was suddenly opened and two masked and hooded figures stepped inside.

Seeing the silver ropes around their waists, Bella and Severus quickly stood up and bowed their heads with respect and Gorgon flung himself off the chair and onto the floor, as was expected of the elves staying in the manor.

“You will both come with us at once. The Dark Lord has requested an audience with both of you,” one of them—a woman—said.

Bella and Severus exchanged wide eyed glances. The Dark Lord wanted to see them? Privately?

A shiver of nervousness crept up his spine and Severus found himself frozen to his spot on the floor but Bella was already striding towards the door. Trailing after her, Severus glanced down at his elf, who shot him a worried look but nodded at the door, obviously telling him to hurry.

They both pulled their hoods over their heads and followed the two masters down the dark corridors. Bella found his arm as they walked and tightly clutched it. Obviously, he wasn’t the only one who was nervous.

Trying to remember not to stumble over his own feet and to keep breathing, Severus was barely aware of reaching that warded hallway. The two masters paused and grabbed each their arms and stepped through the shimmering ward.

They came to a stop before a set of large double doors and they all waited, none of them saying a word. Severus could feel the dark magic radiating from behind that door and he realized he was shaking from nervousness. What if he said something stupid? What if he tripped over his own feet? What if—

The door silently swung open. One of the masters stepped inside and immediately prostrated herself upon the floor.

“They are here, my Lord.”

A pause. Then: “Good. Show them in and leave.”

The voice was soft but hidden venom coursed through it and Severus shivered.

The other master gestured for them to go in. “Get onto the floor immediately and don’t speak or move unless told to do so,” he whispered to them both before he and the other master turned and left them.

Bella and him exchanged one last look before stepping into the room. Immediately, the doors quietly shut themselves behind them.

Severus stood there, frozen, staring at the large green fire crackling in the hearth and the many bookshelves lining the room before he became aware of Bella madly tucking on his sleeve and yanking him towards the floor. Remembering who he was about to face, Severus quickly prostrated himself on the floor beside Bella, his nose nearly touching the cold marble floor.

They lay there, unmoving and nervous. Severus heard soft footsteps walking around the room and the creak of someone sitting onto a leather chair. The rustling of brittle pages being turned reached him. Severus wanted to shift around and relieve the burning pain in his knees, but knew it would be safer not to move.

They continued lying there as the fire crackled and more pages were turned. From time to time, an amused chuckle drifted over or a quiet sigh.

Finally, another creak announced someone standing up and walking over to the bookshelves and replacing a book on it.

Footsteps softly came closer to them until Severus could see red rimmed black robes a few inches before his face.

He heard the quiet snap of fingers and suddenly found his head lifting itself on its own and he was staring up at the Dark Lord.

Scarlet eyes stared down at him from within a pale, thin face. Severus’ neck got a crink in it from having to look up so far. Those red eyes calmly studied his and Bella’s faces, drifting back and forth as if he had nothing else to do all day.

After a few moments, the Dark Lord turned and walked back to his chair and sat down. Waving his hand, the chair spun around until it faced them. He pulled one long, pale hand out from his wine hemmed black robes and motioned them closer.

Not daring to get up, Severus and Bella shuffled across the floor towards the chair, nearly tripping on their robes as they crawled.

The Dark Lord steepled his long fingers together beneath his chin and continued studying them.

Finally, he pointed down at him. “Severus Snape. Apprenticing with Dolohov.”

It wasn’t a question so Severus didn’t answer. The Dark Lord then pointed that finger at Bella.

“Bellatrix Black. Apprenticing with Macnair.”

Bella didn’t respond either. The Dark Lord tilted his head and seemed to think something over.

“Severus Snape and Bellatrix Black. Your initials both have the same letters in them. How curious.” He chuckled quietly, apparently quite amused by this.

Then he unsteepled his fingers and folded them into his lap.

“Bellatrix, stand up. Let me look at you.”

Severus frowned, slightly confused by the strange order. Why would the Dark Lord want to look at two random initiates who might still not pass initiation?

Bella slowly stood up and kept her head bowed.

The Dark Lord waved a hand, and suddenly, Bella’s cloak flew off her, leaving her hair whipping around her face in the slight breeze created by the garment flying off her.

The Dark Lord slowly spun a finger and Bella found herself slowly revolving on the spot. He smiled quietly before waving his hand again and suddenly, Bella’s robe flew off her too. She gasped quietly and her hands flew up to cover herself.

The Dark Lord made a slight noise of disapproval in his throat. “No, no, my dear raven. I want to look at you. There is nothing to be ashamed of. This is a privilege not many get.”

Bella’s hands slowly came down to her sides, where they remained clenched in fists. The Dark Lord once more spun his finger and she turned slowly, before he waved his hand one more time and this time, Bella’s bra and underwear went flying as well, leaving her completely naked. This time, she didn’t dare bring her hands up but kept them clenched in tight fists. Her jaw clenched and she was trembling slightly, from embarrassment or anger, Severus couldn’t tell.

After revolving her around once more, the Dark Lord smiled and nodded with satisfaction. Then he stared her in the face.

“You’re angry, my dear raven.”

Bella shook her head quickly. The Dark Lord quickly held up a hand. “Never lie to me, my dear raven. It doesn’t pay well. I know you’re angry. You think this is degrading.”

Bella lowered her gaze to the floor, not daring to say anything.

He smiled at her again. “As I have said before, this is a privilege, Bella. There are very few who get to serve me in the personal sense that you will serve me. I accept only the most capable and intelligent to be my personal companions.”

Severus’ eyes widened and Bella’s did too. The Dark Lord’s personal companions? Them?

Moments later, the Dark Lord waved his hand at Bella, and she found herself fully dressed again. Then Severus found that hand motioning for him to stand up as well.

He slowly got up and prepared himself, knowing what to expect when his cloak and robe went flying off himself but the urge to hide and cover himself was overwhelming. He wasn’t angry in the same way that Bella had been, but he was embarrassed. He knew that he wasn’t much to look at and he trembled with fear that the Dark Lord would frown with distaste and send him away.

When his underwear went flying too he nearly curled up in a small ball and wanted to declare that he wasn’t fit for this and only the great and the beautiful should be allowed this close to the Dark Lord, never mind be his personal companions.

The Dark Lord revolved him around once and then smiled at him and tilted his head.

“You’re not angry, my dear serpent. You’re embarrassed. You think you’re not worthy of the privilege I’m prepared to hand to you.”

Severus’ lower lip trembled, deathly afraid that the Dark Lord would burst out laughing, say that of course he was right and send him out of the room. But he didn’t.

“Oh, my little serpent. Of course you’re worthy of this. You’re intelligent, you’re capable and I know you will have much to offer me.”

Severus’ eyes widened. He wasn’t being sent away? The Dark Lord was accepting him?

“Yes, my dear serpent. You are worthy. You and Bella both. Now, you will both have to pass initiation of course, but if you do, then your more—personal—training can start immediately.”

Severus felt an immense glow within him and forgot that was standing in a room without any clothes on. The Dark Lord was accepting him! The Dark Lord really did love him! It was just like Lucius had said it would be!

With a wave of his hand, the Dark Lord dressed Severus again and then smiled down at them.

“Now, leave me and return to your studies. I will see you both during initiation.”

Slowly creeping backwards along the floor, they stood up and kept their heads carefully bowed until they reached the door. It automatically swung open and they edged their way through it before it shut again.

 

*             *             *

 

Lord Voldemort quietly sat in his chair and waved his hand until it was facing the fire again. He quietly stared into the flames before snapping his fingers. Immediately, a long snake slithered out of his bedroom and crept along the floor until it was beneath his feet. Lifting its large head, it gazed up at its master while long, pale fingers gently scratched her head.

“Did you see them, Nagini, my dearest? They’re perfect. Complete opposites. One of them is already shy and submissive but very eager to please. He’ll be a joy.”

Nagini tilted her head and hissed something at him. Voldemort smiled. “Yes, I know. Bella will be more of a challenge. She is angry and proud. But even the angriest can be tamed and the proudest can be broken. She will be a joy as well, but in a different way.” He sighed happily. “And once I have them trained life can return back to normal. I have missed having them around terribly.”

The snake hissed, slightly offended. Another smile. “I never meant you were bad company, Nagini, but they serve me in ways you never can.”

Sighing with contentment, he went back to staring at the fire, the flames dancing in his dark, scarlet eyes, visions of the future already swirling in his mind.

 

*             *             *

 

Severus flung open his door, a wide smile on his face.

“Elf, you will never guess what happened!”

His elf leapt off the bed and padded over the stone floor. “Did young master see Dark Master?”

“Oh, I did more than see him, elf! He actually spoke to me! He said Bella and I were both intelligent and capable! Can you believe it?”

Gorgon frowned. “He call two initiates to his chamber to say this?”

Severus glanced at him, knowing he was forgetting something vital. “Oh, yes! He also said that he approved of both of us and we would be his personal companions!”

His elf’s frown deepened. “Personal companion? What this mean?”

Severus shrugged impatiently. “Elf, I have no idea but I’ll find out soon, but it doesn’t matter what he meant! All that matters is that he called us smart and said we were worthy and that this was a privilege not many got. And Bella and I got it! Can you believe it?”

His elf was still frowning, not liking this one bit. But he stared at his young master’s glowing eyes and knew that saying something would be pointless. It was just like before. Lucius had come along just when Severus was feeling rejected by the headmaster and swept him off his feet with compliments and promises. Now when Lucius had shown his true colors like Gorgon knew the slimy bastard would sooner or later, the Dark Lord swept into his place and became his young master’s new idol. He knew the insecure sixteen year old was so desperate for acceptance and love that he took it wherever it came from, no matter how tainted the source might be.

He sighed sadly, staring at the happy smile and the sparkling eyes. He knew that whatever he said his young master would dismiss it, his infatuation not letting him see the truth which was right before his eyes. So Gorgon would have to do what he had been doing for years. Sit by and try to talk some sense into him and be ready to catch his young charge when he fell, having realized that the pedestal he had been staring at was made out of nothing but crumbling ash.

 

**June 22 nd, 1978**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Severus nervously fiddled with the sleeve of his robe, tugging on it. His elf reached up and gently smacked his hand.

“Young master will tear threads out of robe again and Gorgy has no time to stitch back up properly. Young master must try to stand still!”

Forcing his hands to stop their nervous twitching, Severus stood still, his mind whirling with worries and anxieties.

Tonight was the night. In just a few minutes somebody would show up at his door and he would join the other initiates to go to the ceremony.

He had no idea what would happen during the ceremony. Bella had been able to tell him bits and pieces which she had heard when older initiates were laughing and reminiscing about their own initiation, but the actual details remained secretive. All Bella knew for sure was that if they passed, they would be marked by the Dark Lord’s brand and be eternally his.

Severus couldn’t wait. If he was marked as the Dark Lord’s that meant the Dark Lord wouldn’t change his mind about him and decide he wasn’t worthy after all. The mark was permanent, and Severus hoped the same would go for the Dark Lord’s affections.

His elf was still muttering about some threads being untidy and reminding him not to chew on his lip and watch where he was walking so he wouldn’t trip on his nose in front of everyone. Severus sighed, muttering that he wasn’t ten years old.

His elf rolled his eyes and muttered something rude in Elfish at that, but very quietly. Speaking Elfish was strictly forbidden in the manor. Gorgon had come to him a few weeks ago and warned him not to utter a word in Elfish, lest someone overheard them. The Dark Lord considered the language to be an insult to the human masters whom elves served. In his view, elves served humans and should speak their language as well. Severus had slightly frowned at this, but then nodded and said that technically the Dark Lord was right. After all, he told his elf, it was terribly rude to speak a language nobody could understand. His elf had stared at him and said that he didn’t think this had been the Dark Lord’s reason for forbidding the use of the old language, but Severus had scoffed it off and told him to quit being dumb.

Severus was just starting to jitter from nerves again when his door swung open and Bella stuck her head in.

“Come on, Sev! Let’s go! We’re lining up!” she whispered, jerking her head towards the corridor.

Severus hurried towards the door, nearly tripping over a chair in the process and joined Bella out in the dark corridor. Just before he shut the door, he shot his elf a worried look, who smiled at him reassuringly.

Feeling slightly better, Severus joined the crowd of milling initiates in the dark corridors. Some of them were tugging on their robes and whispering to each other while others just stared around, pale and nervous.

Bella clutched his sleeve and pulled him into the middle of the crowd. There were three masters standing on the outside of the group, yelling at them to quiet down and get into lines with their partners.

With Bella still clutching his sleeve so she wouldn’t lose him, Severus pushed his way past some confused initiates who were whispering around for their partners and then stood in line.

When they were organized, the masters pointed at a few initiates and told them to conjure up torches so they could see where they were going. One of the masters—Mulciber perhaps?—stood at the front of the group.

“Everybody be quiet and pay careful attention. This is the night where you will either succeed in entering the Dark Lord’s service, or you will die trying. You have all done well in training and you have managed to come this far, already putting you far ahead of others who have failed before this point. I wish you all luck.”

Turning around, he started walking down the corridor and slowly, the long line of initiates followed him.

Severus nearly tripped over the edge of a tile in the floor and he heard his elf’s nagging and sighing of ‘Grindelwald! Young master must not do anything stupid!’ ringing in his head before firmly resolving to watch where he was going.

They walked down long corridors until they reached one of the large rooms where Severus remembered having a dueling practice against three other pairs of initiates once. They paused before the closed door. Laughter and loud shouts could be heard from inside.

Mulciber waved his hand at the door and it opened. Immediately, the noise coming from within engulfed them.

Severus found Bella’s hand beside him and clutched it as they walked inside.

The scene which met them amazed them. The room had been enlarged somehow and was utterly enormous now. Hundreds of green torches lined the walls and hung from the ceiling, illuminating the dark room.

Hundreds of masked and hooded people were milling around inside, laughing and talking. Some were hurrying around, carrying cauldrons and shouting orders. Elves holding buckets of bottles hurried around, offering everybody something to drink. Bottles were grabbed by eager hands and were clinked together. People stood in groups, talking and laughing and others stood on some elevated platforms, having mock duels and laughing hysterically when one of them got hit and fell off the platform, either because they were laughing too hard or they were too drunk to miss the spell. In the center of the room was a large platform on which tables were set up and cauldrons hung, already simmering. Severus recognized Dolohov as he waved his hand around, ordering his assistants to run all around, getting various things for him. There was a smaller platform on the side of the room on which a large, black throne sat. At the moment, it was empty.

Three masked figures pushed their way past them, one of them dragging a naked muggle by the end of a chain while the other two laughed.

Severus stared around himself at the chaos. Bella glanced at him with wide eyes.

“I had imagined it to be a bit more organized,” she said, a slight hint of disapproval in her voice. Severus couldn’t help but agree.

Mulciber was yelling and pushing his way through the crowd, telling the elves not to give any of them anything to drink.

When they had fought their way into a far corner, Mulciber told them all to stay there and not to move until he came back to get them.

Severus and Bella wound their way to the wall and leaned against it, staring at the noise and chaos around them.

Bella glanced at him. “We can’t mess up, you know. Neither one of us. If one of the partners fail, then both are killed.”

He nodded. He’d suspected as much. “We won’t mess up. We’ve practiced everything we can possibly practice and we’re both good enough.”

She nodded, having to agree.

They quietly stood there, watching the crowd of dark figures around them, until finally, Dolohov clapped his hands and an enormous shower of sparks flew up from his fingertips.

Slowly, the crowd quieted down and the duelers levitated themselves off the platforms. The woman who had the muggle attached to her wrist unchained him and pointed at the door, telling him to get back into his cage and stay quiet and she might feed him when she got back. Immediately, the muggle crawled out of the room on all fours, the chain dragging behind him.

The potions assistants were cleaning up the mess on the center platform, carrying the full cauldrons onto the side and clearing away extra ingredients and utentils. Finally, Dolohov nodded and announced that everything was ready.

Mulciber leaned over to one of the other masters. “He’s early for once,” he muttered.

The other master laughed. “Better early than late.”

Mulciber grunted in agreement before settling against the wall again. As they continued waiting, the crowd started becoming rowdy again, but suddenly, Mulciber straightened up with a jerk and clutched his left forearm.

“He’s coming,” he muttered.

Others apparently were becoming aware of this as well, since people started quieting down again and were straightening their masks and tugging on their robes. Excited murmurs whispered through the crowd.

Finally, the large doors swept open, and silence fell throughout the room as everyone hurriedly prostrated themselves upon the floor. Severus immediately sank onto the floor with Bella. Turning his head slightly to the side, he could see feet slowly making their way across the floor, the rustling of silk robes carrying clearly through the silence in the room. People hurriedly crawled out of his way as the Dark Lord swept past them and strode to the center platform. With a small wave of his hand, he levitated himself onto it. For a moment, he stood there, surveying the silent, bowed dark figures.

Then he spread his hands out and immediately, Severus could feel his head being pulled upwards. Glancing around, he saw that everyone was now looking up at their master.

He was smiling, his red eyes gazing down at them. “Welcome, my dark children. Another year and another initiation. I trust that everyone had fun in the past few hours, but now, the work begins.” He clapped his hands.

Immediately, all the masters got to their feet and went over to the platform. Levitating themselves silently onto it, they kept their heads bowed as they surrounded him. Not many of them were taller than him, but the few who were slightly taller than him ducked down, but Severus could see a slight hint of displeasure flickering across the Dark Lord’s face. Apparently, he despised having people being above him.

“We have much to accomplish tonight, my children so I won’t waste anybody’s time with long speeches. Those shall come later. But for now, let initiation begin.”

On cue, all the masters held hands in a large circle and started muttering a long, ancient spell in a language Severus didn’t recognize. After a while, green sparks raced along their joined hands and a green, sparkling thread wound its way around them and then crept up them until it shot towards the Dark Lord’s feet. Slowly, the Dark Lord started rising until he hovered in the air high above the circle of masters keeping him elevated. Severus understood. The Dark Lord wanted to see everything around him but didn’t want to waste energy keeping himself elevated.

While he hovered, the masters never ceased with their murmured chanting and never wavered in their concentration.

Finally, the Dark Lord snapped his fingers and a long list appeared in his hand. Waving his hand at it and muttering, he transfigured it into a long, silvery strand and pushed the strand into his head. His eyes went distant for a moment, mulling over the information he had just put into his head. Then he smiled and announced that the Espionage initiates would step forward.

And thus, initiation began. Groups of different initiates were called forward. All of them stood below the platform, keeping their heads bowed while the Dark Lord surveyed them. Some of them, he simply pointed his wand at and muttered a careless ‘ _Avada Kedavra_ ’ at and then he put the remaining ones under the Cruciatus curse and waited to see if they would rise again after being exposed to the curse for a few seconds. If they didn’t get up immediately, he killed them. Finally, only a few remained standing, shaking from fear and from the after effects of the vicious curse.

Then he motioned for the assistants to get small gobletfuls of the potions simmering in the enormous cauldrons. Each initiate was handed a small goblet and when the Dark Lord signalled for them to drink it, they all gulped it down, shuddering from the taste.

Immediately, all of their eyes turned green and they collapsed onto the floor, lying sprawled out, green eyes staring up at the ceiling. A few of them twitched and others cried out while most of them just lay there, unmoving.

For long moments, nothing much happened. Occasionally, one of them would whimper or let out a scream of fear.

After a while, the glow in their eyes diminished and a few of them pushed themselves off the floor, shaking and pale. The rest remained unmoving on the floor, eyes staring up at the ceiling. They were dead.

The few who had survived got to their feet and were motioned to the side by one of the assistants. Other assistants hurried forward and dragged the corpses lying on the floor out of the way.

Then the next group was called.

Severus waited impatiently for his turn. He doubted the Dark Lord would kill him immediately and he knew he could withstand the cruciatus curse, but it was the potion which worried him. He had no idea what it could be and nothing he had read about described the effects he had seen. He knew it had to be some type of hallucinogenic, but what the initiates had seen remained a mystery to him.

The interrogation initiates were called and Bella squeezed his hand before joining the rest of her group. Severus was relieved when she wasn’t killed and she managed to stand back up after the cruciatus, shaking and panting, but still standing. The potion seemed to have no real effect on her. She simply drank it, collapsed and remained unmoving until the glow faded from her eyes and she got back up. She was pale and looked slightly unnerved, but she shot him a tiny smile and then joined the other initiates who had passed.

Then the potions initiates were called. Severus walked forward on shaky legs, knowing that Bella’s life was in his hands now. He bowed his head when he reached the platform, every muscle in his body waiting in fearful tension as the Dark Lord’s eyes swept over them all. He heard the casual ‘ _Avada Kedavra_ ’ being muttered around him, but always felt the spell brushing past him and not hitting him.

Then he heard the whispered ‘ _Crucio’_. Immediately, fire flooded his body and pain engulfed him. Although he had mentally prepared himself for this, his body hadn’t felt this curse since he was ten years old and had forgotten the pain. He cried out and firmly bit down on his lip to keep from screaming. He felt his knees hitting something hard and realized he must be on the floor. Twitching and clawing at the slick marble floor in an effort to relieve the pain, he gasped and muffled cries escaped him, before suddenly, the pain stopped.

Gasping for breath and forcing himself to breathe, he wanted to collapse on the floor, but then quickly remembered where he was. Biting his lip hard enough to make it bleed, he pushed himself off the floor and stood on shaking legs, still shaking and pale, but on his own two legs.

The Dark Lord surveyed them with an air of bored indifference before flicking his hand at the ones who hadn’t gotten back up and killing them.

Then the assistants came over, carrying the goblets. Severus took one and sniffed at the mysterious liquid, noticing that the rest of his potion comrades were doing the same and frowning in disappointment when they were only able to decipher a few of the ingredients.

When he was given the signal, Severus raised the goblet to his lips and drank it. Immediately, liquid ice seemed to flood his body and his vision turned bright green. His limbs became numb and he barely felt himself hitting the floor. The green color before his eyes started swirling faster and faster and Severus felt himself being hurled somewhere.

Finally, the green stopped swirling and he felt his feet landing on a hard floor. The green faded and he saw that he was in a long, narrow corridor. He frowned and glanced around himself. He had no idea where he was or how he had gotten here. He tried remembering, but all he could recall before seeing the corridor was that green color.

Suddenly, he heard a soft voice whispering in his head. “Severus, can you hear me?”

He instantly recognized the voice. It was the Dark Lord. “Yes, my Lord.” Severus answered, his voice slightly shaky.

“Good. I have an assignment for you. In your hand you will see three keys. They are keys leading to three of the rooms you will see. I want you to open the room you most desire to.”

Severus frowned. “The room I most desire to open?”

“Yes. But you may only open one.”

He nodded and then glanced down at his hand, where three large, old fashioned keys had appeared. He realized his feet were slowly walking him down the corridor until he came to the end. There were three doors facing him, all of them locked. Severus frowned. How would he know what was behind them?

He gently reached out and touched one of the doors. Immediately, the door became transparent and he could see through it.

A tall, dark haired man with glowing green eyes stood right inside the door, glaring down at him. Severus’ heart leapt into his throat and he stepped back. His Father.

He was about to turn and run back down the corridor when his Father stepped aside and he could see a small stool standing behind him on which lay a simple, clear stone.

Immediately, a flare of longing and desire swept through him. He wanted that stone. He knew he did. His body was aching for it.

But his Father stood in the way. Fear clutched him and he took a step back, staring up into those glowing eyes. He couldn’t get to that stone.

He took another step back and immediately, the door became dark again.

Taking a few shaky breaths, he stepped towards one of the other doors and touched it. Immediately, screams reached his ears. He saw a red haired figure lying on the ground, writhing in pain as a black hooded and masked person stood over her.

His breath caught and his eyes widened. It was Evans. The Death Eater flicked his wand at her again and she screamed again, sobbing from the pain. She turned her tear streaked face towards the door.

“Sev! Sev, help me! Please! Make it stop!” she sobbed.

“Hang on, Evans. Hang on! I’ll get you out in a second, hold on!” He yelled as he fumbled with the keys in his hands, trying to find the right one.

He was about to stick the key in the lock, when he suddenly remembered that he could only open one door. His eyes drifted to the dark door behind which the stone lay. He really wanted that stone. He wanted to save Evans too, but he really wanted that stone.

She screamed again and stretched one shaking, bloody hand towards him.

“Please, Sev! Help me!”

Tears welled up in his eyes as he clutched the key hard enough to nearly make his hand bleed.

That desire and longing for the stone was overwhelming him. He wanted that stone!

Watching his friend writhing in pain on the floor, he took a step back from her.

“I’m sorry, Evans. I can’t. I have to get that stone,” he said, his teeth clenched from trying to hold back tears.

“Sev, please!” she screamed, green eyes filled with pain and pleading staring at him.

He forced his numb legs to take another step back, and the door went blessedly dark again.

He realized he was shaking. He moved towards the last door and quietly touched that one too, dreading what he would see behind it.

Immediately, the door went transparent. He saw a tiny figure lying on the floor, two masked figure standing above him.

The small figure was screaming and sobbing from pain just like Evans had been. Severus’ heart leapt into his throat. It was his elf.

His elf screamed again and twisted on the floor until his tear streaked face turned towards the door. “Please, young master! Help Gorgy!” he cried out in Elfish.

Severus quickly fumbled with the keys. “Hang on, Gorgon! I’ll get you out! Hang on!” he cried, grabbing the right key.

His elf’s sobbing still ringing in his ears, he was about to unlock the door, when his eyes drifted to the door which held the stone again.

That longing coursed through him and he bit his lip, hating himself. Shuddering, sobs consumed him as he stared at his screaming, crying elf.

“Elf, elf, I have to get that stone!” he cried, sobbing.

His elf stared at him with wide eyes. “Young master, please!”

Severus numbly shook his head, sobbing harder as his shaking legs refused to hold him up and he fell to the floor.

“I can’t, elf! I need to get that stone! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” he cried, tears obscuring his vision.

His elf reached out a shaking hand stretched it towards the door. Severus held out his own hand and touched the shimmering ward over the door, sobbing from pain.

“I’m sorry, elf. I’m so sorry!”

That fierce longing burned within him, nearly consuming the pain which stabbed his heart.

He found his hand drifted from his elf to the door behind which the stone lay.

Sobbing, he clenched the keys in his hands and crawled backwards on the floor, staring at his crying elf, muttering ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again until the door went dark.

Then he curled up on the floor and sobbed, hating himself. He abandoned Evans and his elf, all for a stupid stone!

He slammed a clenched fist onto the ground, sobbing bitterly.

Slowly, he found his pain receeding and he felt that warm, pulsing desire running through him again. Shaking, he raised his tear streaked face towards the middle door. Longing filled every fiber of his body and he slowly crawled towards the door.

Reaching it, he gently touched it with a trembling hand and found himself lying at his Father’s feet.

He heard a hiss of disgust above him. “Spineless, weak bastard! Look at you, lying on the floor like the filthy whore you are!”

He continued sobbing, ignoring the stinging words. He had left his elf and Evans behind. He was a horrible, horrible person.

His Father sighed. “Well, if you want this stupid rock, you’ll have to come and get it. But really, I wouldn’t bother if I were you. Useless freaks never accomplish much, never mind getting something they truly want. You disgust me.”

Severus bowed his head, sobbing. It was all true. He was disgusting. He covered his face with his hands, not daring to look up.

“I should have killed you the day you were born you filthy slut. Never amounted to much except for in bed. You’re useless,” the tall man hissed.

Severus curled up, wanting to die. He didn’t deserve to live anymore. He was a useless whore. That much was true. He didn’t deserve that stone.

But then that longing pierced through his mind again. Oh, but he wanted that stone, even if he didn’t deserve it. But he couldn’t get past his Father. He knew he couldn’t. He was too weak and too stupid and too—

Oh, but he wanted that stone! And that bastard in there wouldn’t stop him!

Slowly, he forced his sobs to quiet and felt a glimmer of strength within himself.

Anger coursed through his veins and he clenched his jaw. He had abandoned the two people he cared most about and now he would be damned if he continued lying on the floor like this.

Slowly, he pushed himself off the floor and tried to glare up at his Father, but fear consumed him and his eyes dropped to the floor. Old fears resurfaced in the back of his mind. Pain and fear and a creaking bed and harsh panting filled his mind and he took a shaking step back.

But then he stopped. He wanted that stone and he would get it and that bastard in there wouldn’t stop him. He wouldn’t let him.

With shaking hands, he pulled out the right key and stuck it into the lock on the door. Immediately, the door creaked open.

As soon as it opened, everything in the room turned green and the color started madly swirling. It reached out for him and drew him in and he found himself spinning around, that green color wrapping itself around his body. He felt his feet being lifted off the floor and found himself being pulled somewhere again.

Suddenly, the green color dimmed and he realized he was staring up at a high ceiling and he was lying on the floor.

He was still shaking and tears still streamed down his face but he slowly pushed himself up on shaking arms.

Sniffing, he glanced around himself. More than half of his group still lay on the floor, unseeing eyes staring up at the ceiling. Others around him were pushing themselves up, wiping their faces and staring around like him, obviously still confused.

He became aware of a person standing above him, hissing at him to get up and move to over to the other initiates.

Initiates? Severus frowned. Oh, yes. He was at initiation. He was in the Dark Manor.

He blinked. But where did the corridor go? Where were Evans and Gorgon?

Fear seized him. He had to find them. He’d find a way to open those bloody doors even if he couldn’t use the keys.

He pushed himself off the floor and stumbled over to where Bella was standing. She was frowning at him.

“Sev, you alright?” she whispered.

Severus stared at her with wide eyes. “Where are those other doors, Bella? We have to find them! Gorgon—”

Bella rolled her eyes. “Gorgon’s fine, you silly! It was just a hallucination! You drank the potion, remember?”

Severus stared at her. “Potion?”

“Yeah. You drank a potion, remember? Everything you saw after that until it wore off wasn’t real, Sev! It was a delusion.”

She was frowning at him, still concerned. “Sevvie, calm down. Nothing you saw was real. Whoever you saw isn’t being tortured right now. They’re fine.”

He stared at her. “So, Gorgon’s fine?” He was going to ask about Evans but knew she wouldn’t know.

She nodded, touching his arm gently. “Yeah, he’s fine. You can see him in a few hours. He’s sitting in your room, probably playing chess by himself. It’s alright, Sev. Everything is alright. We passed.”

He stared at her and blinked. “We passed?”

She grinned. “Yeah. We did. Yours was the last group to go.”

Severus drew in a shaky breath. It hadn’t been real. None of it. Evans was fine. Gorgon was fine. His Father was dead. Everything was fine.

And they had passed.

Finally, the fear started wearing off and he realized what this meant. They were in. They had passed initiation.

Grinning, he squeezed her hand. She smiled back up at him, glad to see he was alright again.

After the assistants dragged out the corpses lying before the platform, the Dark Lord turned and stared down at the new initiates, the masters still chanting quietly and keeping him levitated.

“Welcome, my dark children. You have all successfully passed initiation and I welcome you into my home and my embrace. Out of the hundreds who have tried to be where you are now, you are the most intelligent and most worthy of this honor. You will now pledge your eternal loyalty to me and my other children and I in turn will pledge my eternal love to you.”

Assistants hurried forward and whispered for them to line up with their partners. Bella and Severus found themselves near the front and patiently waited.

Making a motion with his hands, the Dark Lord glanced down at his masters. They slowly lifted their joined hands and gently allowed their master to drift to the ground. As soon as they stopped chanting and released the spell, nearly all of them collapsed onto the ground from utter exhaustion. Elves hurried forward and gave them water to drink and helped some of the sprawled out ones sit up properly.

The Dark Lord swept through the circle and levitated himself from the platform across the room and elegantly sat into his throne.

Then he pulled out his wand and motioned for the initiates to come up to him.

The first pair of partners crept up to him and prostrated themselves onto the ground before him. Muttering something, the Dark Lord transfigured his wand into a black iron with a symbol attached to the end of it.

He said something to the two partners and they murmured something in response. He asked them two or three other things and they answered in unison before they pushed the left sleeves of their robes up and slowly raised their arms to him.

Severus had tried to hear what they were saying but their words were too quiet. Bella was frowning and craning her neck, trying to see what was happening.

Severus saw the Dark Lord stand up and bend down with the long black brand and do something. Immediately, one of the initiates started shaking violently and muffled sobs drifted through the quiet room. Then the other started shaking and even cried out before silencing himself by probably biting his lip.

Then two assistants hurried forward and helped them to their feet and half dragged and half carried their shaking forms out of the room.

Slowly, the line moved forward.

All too soon, it was Bella and Severus’ turns. Bella tightly clenched his hand and he nearly crushed her fingers as they walked forwards and immediately prostrated themselves upon the ground.

Severus felt a tendril of nervousness creeping through him as he lay at the Dark Lord’s feet. He could just see the hem of his robes and the power emanating from him was immense.

“Bellatrix and Severus,” he whispered, sounding quite pleased.

“I knew my dear raven and serpent would pass. You both did well. As you well remember, I have promised you an additional priviledge to serving me in ways all others serve me.”

Severus heard the rustling of robes and somebody bowed down beside him and handed something to the Dark Lord.

He heard the creaking of hinges and the sound of something rustling within a box. Severus frowned. Why weren’t they getting the brand like everyone else?

Then he heard the snapping of fingers and felt his head being lifted. The Dark Lord was holding two black collars in his hands. The front of it had a silver ring attached to it and the rest of it was studded with those same serpent and skull markings which had been attached to Lucius’ cloak.

The Dark Lord was gently stroking them and sighing softly, his thoughts obviously elsewhere. Then he glanced down at them and smiled sadly.

“Two other very special people wore these before you. I loved them deeply and they left me not of their own choosing. But these shall now be yours, eternally binding you to each other and to me. You will become each others bond mates and your emotions and thoughts will be bound from now until death. These collars can only be removed upon your deaths and until then, you will serve me as no others are fit to.”

Severus stared at the collar, fascinated by its elegant, dark beauty. He was also impressed with the amount of magic which must be infused within it.

The Dark Lord stood up with a swish of his robes and bent down and gently put the collar around Bella’s neck. Her eyes were dark and unreadable and she stared straight ahead. Severus noticed there were no clasps on the collar but as soon as it lay around Bella’s neck it sealed itself closed.

Then the Dark Lord bent over him and Severus bowed his head as he felt the cold leather around his neck. With a small tingle of magic, the collar sealed itself around his neck. For a moment, it seemed to suffocate him but then he found the extra weight of it slightly comforting. Suddenly, he became aware of a tingle of magic creeping through him and spreading through his entire body.

He turned and stared at Bella with wide eyes. She was staring back at him.

“ _Sevvie, can you hear me_?” Her breathless thoughts erupted in his mind.

He nodded numbly. “ _Yeah. I can_.”

The Dark Lord smiled down at them. “The bond between you two is eternal but the telepathic bond transmitting thoughts and emotions can be turned on and off whenever you want,” he said quietly.

Severus stared up at him, that tingle of magic still within him.

Then the Dark Lord retrieved his brand from behind him and stood over them.

“And now, onto the vows.”

Both Bella and Severus bowed their heads, Severus noticing how the collar slightly bit into his neck.

“Do you vow that your souls will be eternally mine?”

Both Bella and Severus nodded their heads. “Yes, my Lord,” they whispered in unison. Severus wasn’t really paying attention. The collar was itchy and he really wanted to scratch it but knew this wasn’t the appropriate time to move.

“Do you vow that your minds will be eternally mine?”

“Yes, my Lord.”

“ _Sevvie, is this thing driving you crazy too? It’s itchy as hell!_ ”

“Do you vow that your bodies will be eternally mine?”

“Yes, my Lord.” Damn, the collar was itchy. Maybe if he moved his head a tiny bit over—

“Do you vow that your hearts will be eternally mine?”

“Yes, my Lord.”

“ _Bella, just move your head a tiny bit. It helps_.”

The Dark Lord was smirking down at them. What he found so amusing was beyond Severus but he was immediately distracted by the quietly whispered request that they should roll up their left sleeves.

Severus eyed the brand in the Dark Lord’s hand. The end of it held that familiar symbol of the serpent protruding from a skull’s gaping jaws. After a muttered incantation, the brand started glowing bright red.

Severus clenched his jaw with nervousness and felt a tremor of fear within him. This would hurt. He felt additional fear coursing through him and was momentarily confused, but then realized it was Bella’s fear.

Clenching his hand into a fist, he forced his arm not to shake as he offered the sensitive, pearly white flesh up to the burning, smoking brand.

He was about to close his eyes when Bella’s voice erupted in his head. “ _Don’t close your eyes Sev! Be strong. It’ll only hurt for a little while_.”

Taking comfort in the nearness of his partner and now bond mate, he stared at the brand as it came closer and closer to his arm.

Then it was gently pressed onto his skin and pain tore through his arm and through his body and into his mind. He let out a mental scream and saw Bella grimace and clutch her head when she heard it.

Biting hard on his lip, he stared at the smoke coming from beneath the brand and his wildly shaking arm.

He felt the brand being burned into his skin, but then felt it go deeper. It seeped into his bones and raced through his marrow and through his entire body, burning and marking him.

Finally, the brand was released.

He realized he was making harsh, gasping noises and was still staring at his arm with wide eyes, the black skull and serpent staring back at him and the skin surrounding it still red and blistered and terribly sore.

Moments later, a scream tore through his mind. For a moment, he thought it had been him, but then realized it was Bella. He quickly sent soothing thoughts to her and heard the scream tapering off into a painful whimper.

Then the Dark Lord smiled down at them and signaled for two assistants to bring them back to their rooms.

Severus was barely aware of strong arms picking him up and gently dragging him out of the room and along the corridor. His arm was still stinging and his mind was screaming with pain. Shaking and pale, he suddenly found himself at his door.

His elf quickly hauled open the door, took one look at him and then levitated him onto his bed. Then he quickly rushed out the door, and moments later, came back with Bella’s shaking, moaning form floating before him.

He lay them down side by side and quickly conjured up soothing cool rags. He nearly touched the black brands with them but decided against it—since the rags would have probably incinerated right away—and started wiping their sweat streaked faces with the cool cloths and mumbling reassuringly.

Severus was barely aware of where he was, but he was so relieved to see his elf not hurt and walking around. When Gorgon quietly wiped his face, Severus grabbed his hand with his right hand.

“Elf, you’re alright?” he gasped out.

Gorgon gave him a strange look and then nodded reassuringly. “Gorgy fine, young master. Just fine. Now, young master and Miss Bella go to sleep and Gorgy take care of you both.”

Nodding and relief flooding him, he closed his eyes and fell asleep, Bella curled up beside him.

When they had both fallen asleep, Gorgon quietly sat down beside the two young sixteen year olds. He stared sadly at the ugly black marks surrounded by angry, blistered skin marring their pale white arms. But then his arms drifted to the black collars on their necks, the pale light from a candle reflecting off the silver pendants attached to it. When his eyes reached the slim silver circle on the front of them, he sighed sadly and tears welled up in his eyes.

“Grindelwald. What mess we get into now?” he whispered softly, wiping a gentle lock of hair off his young master’s pale face and watching him sleep.

 

**June 25 th, 1978**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Standing before a low table, Severus waited, tense and anxious as his elf frowned down at the small sock on the table.

“Alright, now a mouse!” he said. Severus immediately muttered the correct transfiguration incantation and flicked his wand. After a bit more muttering, the sock had become a small brown mouse, scampering around the table top.

“Alright, now a spoon!”

Severus was about to open his mouth when Bella’s voice erupted in his head. “ _Sevvie, did I leave my book over there? I can’t find it anywhere_.”

Severus sighed with irritation. He glanced around the room, absentmindedly scratching the collar on his neck, and quickly spied the book lying underneath a nearby chair. “ _Yes, it’s here, now quit thinking at me, I’m busy_.”

Rolling his eyes, he quickly started the incantation while his elf shot him an amused glance, of course not having heard the telepathic exchange but having gotten used to the way his young master’s face changed when speaking telepathically with Fawkes or Bella.

Severus was half way through the incantation when his door burst open and a figure stood in the doorway. He rolled his eyes without turning around.

“Don’t just stand there, git. Go and get it already.”

A moment of silence. Then: “You will show proper respect to a master unless you wish to suffer the consequences.”

A cold shower of dread clutched him and he nearly dropped his wand from shock. Spinning around, he bowed his head. “I apologize. I thought you were someone else.”

The master narrowed her eyes behind her mask. “Ordinarily I wouldn’t stand for such rudeness but master has requested to see you immediately.”

A shudder of nervousness twisted in his gut. While he stood there, frantically trying to think of why his master would want to see him, his elf was running around their room, yanking out his brand new mask and silver rimmed cloak.

Only when his elf shoved the items at him did Severus remember that it would be better to hurry. Swinging the cloak around his shoulders, he attached the clasps to his robe and then pulled the mask over his face. It didn’t have a strap but automatically stayed on his face when pulled down. He adjusted it, still not used to having something covering his face. For a moment he felt completely suffocated, the collar around his neck and the mask on his face making him dizzy, but then he felt his elf tugging the black gloves over his hands and he remembered how to move.

Tugging his robes on straight, he brushed past his elf and pulled his hood up. The master spun around and walked down the corridor to Bella’s room. Severus quickly stuck his head inside and urgently whispered for Bella to get dressed and hurry up.

She flew off her chair and frantically pulled her cloak, mask and gloves on before stepping out the door, bowing her head at the master and trying to quiet her hurried breathing.

They slowly walked down the corridor towards the warded section and paused before it. The master stepped through without bothering to hold onto them. Both Bella and Severus exchanged confused glances.

“ _How are we supposed to get through without her help_?”

Severus shrugged mentally as they both glanced at the master. She sighed with irritation and motioned for them to step through.

“Hurry up. The collars allow you to step through the ward whenever you want.” She whispered and then in a malicious tone added: “Master wants his little sluts at his constant beck and call.”

Severus frowned at the last statement and Bella stiffened and opened her mouth.

“ _Bella, shut up and walk already. Don’t start a fight with her. She’s a master, remember_?”

Bella glared at the master and haughtily stepped through the ward with Severus beside her.

They paused before the familiar double doors and simply waited. When the doors opened, the master quietly announced their presence and then turned and left.

Warily, Severus and Bella stepped through the open door into the large room.

Immediately, they prostrated themselves and heard the doors quietly shutting behind them.

Raising his eyes from the floor slightly, Severus saw the sparking green fire in the hearth and saw his master standing before an enchanted window, beyond which, stars and the moon sparkled in a dark sky. Severus knew it was still daytime, but was silently glad for the night glimmering through the window. It had been months since he’d seen sunlight and he knew his eyes would sting and complain viciously if he had to see it.

Their master stood there, quietly staring out into the pseudo-night sky, elegant dark green robes falling to the floor.

Severus lowered his eyes back to the floor and waited.

Time slowly went by.

Beside him, he heard Bella starting to shift around to relieve the pressure on her knees. Severus’ had gone numb some time ago and his arms didn’t feel as if they were a part of his body anymore. The slight burning which had been emanating from the still sore brand for days was starting to disappear as his arms feel asleep too.

And still, time went on.

Severus started reciting potions ingredients and their uses in his head, only to hear an annoyed sigh in his mind.

“ _Not potions ingredients, Sevvie! That’s so boring_!”

He rolled his eyes. “ _Stay out of my head if you don’t like it_.”

A tendril of haughtiness drifted into his head. “ _Fine, then_.” With a small shiver of magic, Severus felt her turning off their telepathic bond. Severus knew she was a bit mad at him, but his arms were asleep and his knees hurt and he didn’t really care.

He quietly continued reciting potions ingredients while Bella continued shifting. Finally, she let out a tiny, hardly audible sigh of annoyance.

Slowly, their master turned around and stared down at Bella. Casually, he lifted up his wand.

“ _Crucio_.” He whispered and pointed the wand at Bella.

Immediately, Bella started writhing and madly twisting on the floor from pain, crying out and immediately stuffing her sleeve into her mouth to stifle the sounds. After a few moments, the curse was lifted.

Severus stared up at their master, not understanding why Bella had been punished.

The Dark Lord waited patiently until Bella had stopped gasping for breath. Then he stared down at her and clasped his hands behind his back.

“Bella, do I annoy you, my little raven?” he asked quietly.

Bella shook her head, still shaking slightly. “No, my Lord.”

“Then why would you shift around as if you wouldn’t want to wait until I was ready to speak with you?” he sounded genuinely confused and hurt.

Severus’ first instinct was to yell at Bella. How dare she move without his permission, knowing it would hurt their masters’ feelings? Then he thought about how stupid that was. They had been kneeling on the floor for what seemed like hours and wasting their time. Bella had every right to move around.

Apparently, Bella had the exact same thought. She raised her head slightly, meeting that calm, ruby gaze. “My knees and arms hurt, my Lord and I don’t see what good we accomplish by lying here.”

He stared at her quietly. “So you presume to know everything I know, my raven?” he whispered.

Bella frowned for a moment. “I didn’t say that.”

He raised an eyebrow. “And now you presume to tell me what you did and didn’t say? Do you think I am deaf?”

Bella quickly shook her head. “No, my Lord.”

“But how could you assume I misheard you and not believe I am hard of hearing?” he sounded so confused that Severus found himself momentarily agreeing with him of how stupid Bella was. After all, it made sense. Bella had said something and the Dark Lord had repeated it. He had to have gotten it right, because, after all, if he hadn’t, that would mean he hadn’t heard correctly and he had to have heard correctly, therefore, Bella was mistaken and the Dark Lord had been correct. Yes, that made sense.

Bella was still frowning. “I don’t believe you are hard of hearing, my Lord. You just misinterpreted what I said.”

The Dark Lord raised an eyebrow. “I misinterpreted it?”

“Well, yes.”

Immediately, the wand was yanked out from behind his back again. “ _Crucio_.”

Again, Bella cried out and writhed on the floor from pain. The Dark Lord held the curse for longer than he had last time before releasing her.

Then he stared down at her again, looking sad. “Bella, my little stubborn raven. Why do you make me hurt you?” He sounded so pained that Severus wanted to scream at Bella not to be stupid and force the Dark Lord to constantly correct her behavior.

Gasping, Bella glanced up at him. “I’m not doing anything. You’re twisting around my words and punishing me for not liking what you do to them.” She gasped out, sounding angry.

Severus’ eyes widened and he glanced at Bella. How dare she be so rude to him? She was just inviting more trouble onto herself. Severus knew that. He had learned that long ago. Disrespect and rudeness had to be punished. His Father had taught him that long ago.

He wasn’t at all surprised when the wand was raised again and Bella started twisting on the floor again, letting out a scream when the curse went on and on.

When he lifted the curse, he glanced down at Severus. He sadly shook his head. “My little raven just doesn’t understand some things, does she?”

Severus shook his head. “No, my Lord. She has to be punished for such rudeness, but—I don’t think she meant it. She’s tired, my Lord—” He said, trying to put his bondmate back onto the Dark Lord’s good side.

The Dark Lord frowned down at him. “You don’t think she meant it? So she was addressing me as a joke? I’m a joke? My serpent, I am shocked.”

Severus frowned. He hadn’t said that. Or had he? He felt appalled. Did he just say that? Merlin!

He waited for his punishment to come and he felt a hint of relief as the whispered word brought the firestorm raging through his body. As he twisted on the floor, nearly sobbing from the pain, he found himself glad for the punishment. He had said something wrong and he was being punished for it. It was the way things were supposed to be. The headmaster’s words about physical punishments not being right were nonsense, just like he had always suspected. His Father had been right, as he knew he had to be, and the Dark Lord was right too.

Severus lay gasping on the floor, shaking slightly and the tile floor feeling cold against his sweat covered cheek, but he felt like laughing with relief.

 

*             *             *

 

The wand was lifted again and sad eyes stared down at the shaking form lying on the floor. “My raven, I asked a simple question. I asked if you know your master’s name.”

Severus glanced at Bella. He anxiously sent signals to her to open up their bond again so he could tell her not to answer. Or if she answered, she should say ‘master’. After all, nobody should dare to speak the master’s name.

But Bella either ignored him or wasn’t strong enough to open their link.

“Yes, my Lord. I know.” She whispered quietly, sobs interupting her words.

“And what is my name?”

“Volde—Voldemort.”

Immediately, Severus felt a flaring pain erupt in his brand and he collapsed, clutching it and biting his lip to keep from crying out. Damn, Bella and her stupidity! Didn’t she know they had no right to say the master’s name?

Bella started screaming again, the combination of the curse and her burning brand being too much to bear.

Finally, her screams faded away and those sad, red eyes stared down at her. “My precious raven. We’ve been over this. My name is not to be uttered by anyone. It’s disrespectful. Do you mean to be disrespectful?”

She quickly shook her head. “No, my Lord.”

“Then why do you say my name?”

“Because—because you asked, my Lord.” She sobbed, confused and scared.

“So you dare speak my name?”

“No!”

“So you would not answer my question?”

“No, I mean, yes, I mean—I don’t know.” She sobbed, blood streaming down her lips from where she had bitten her lip through.

The Dark Lord knelt down before her and gently smoothed a lock of her hair behind her ears and then stroked her cheek. “Oh, my poor raven. You are so tired. So very tired.”

Bella cried harder, leaning into the hand gently stroking her cheek.

The Dark Lord sighed softly. “You know I don’t want to hurt you, Bella. But I love you so I must hurt you. My serpent understands this, doesn’t he?”

Severus nodded. “Of course, my Lord. It’s the way things have to be.”

The Dark Lord nodded and reached out with another hand and tugged a strand of Severus’ hair behind his ears and smiled at him. “Yes, my little serpent. You understand so well. But Bella still has lots to learn, don’t you?” he whispered, gently stroking her cheek.

Bella nodded, still sobbing.

Slowly, the Dark Lord stood up and pulled his wand out. “Alright, Bella, my precious raven. Let’s try this one more time. I have much patience. Are you grateful for this patience?”

Bella nodded her head, not really understanding what she was nodding to. The Dark Lord stared down at Severus. “Should she be grateful for this patience?”

Severus nodded immediately. Of course she should. The Dark Lord was spending his valuable time teaching Bella a very simple lesson over and over again. His Father would have locked him up long ago for being so stubborn. Bella should be grateful for the amount of patience the Dark Lord was showing her.

“Alright. Let’s try this one more time. What is my name, Bella?”

“I—I don’t know,” she sobbed, hiding her face.

The Dark Lord smiled gently. “Don’t hide yourself, my dear raven. It’s alright if you don’t know, because I know. I know everything you need to know, my dearest, so you don’t need to know anything.”

Bella stared at him, relief flooding her eyes. Severus found himself feeling relieved too. Master knew everything. Of course he did.

 

*             *             *

 

How long had they been here? He had no idea. Sometimes, he glanced up at the enchanted window, but only eternal night met his gaze.

He lay on the floor, his body hurting and his stomach grumbling loudly. He was so hungry and so tired.

Their master sat in his chair, eating from a plate of fruit someone had brought in what seemed like many, many years ago.

Severus and Bella both watched him with wide eyes as he bit into a grape and slowly chewed on it.

He smiled at them. “Hungry, my dears?”

They both nodded silently. Saliva flooded Severus’ mouth. He was so hungry he could almost taste the food master was putting into his own mouth.

Crooking a finger at them, he motioned them to come closer. Crawling to his feet, they lay there, staring up at him with wide eyes, eyes following as he picked up another fruit—a slice of an apple—and brought it down to them. He dropped it onto the floor. Severus was about to pounce on it, but then remembered he hadn’t been given permission to get it. It had taken Bella hours to learn that lesson.

Their master smiled at them and waited until he nodded. “Very good, my dears. You have learned your lessons well. That means you’re entitled to two pieces of fruit.”

He dropped another piece onto the floor and then nodded, giving them permission to eat. Hungrily, Severus leapt at one of the pieces and devoured it. He picked up the other one and handed it to Bella, who stared at it with wide eyes, filled with confusion.

She stared up at their master. He tilted his head and looked at her. “What is it, my raven? Aren’t you hungry?”

She nodded slowly and then suddenly burst into tears. The Dark Lord got off his chair and crouched before her, stroking her cheek and murmuring reassuringly.

Finally, she whispered what was the matter. “I—I don’t like apples.”

The Dark Lord looked at her and smiled softly and petted her head. “My dearest raven, you’re just confused. How can you not like apples? I offered you an apple so you must like apples.”

She stared at him, sobbing as she thought it over. Severus finished munching on his apple and thought this over. It made perfect sense. After all, master knew what was best for them and he wouldn’t give them something they didn’t like. That didn’t make sense.

Bella slowly nodded and took the apple slice from Severus and munched on it. Then she smiled, staring at their master with wide eyes.

 

*             *             *

 

Time went on. Severus guessed they had been locked in this room for about three days now. Whenever their master felt tired, he would motion for them to follow him into his bedroom and he would conjure up chains and attach them to the rings in their collars and then attach them to his wrist. He claimed that he didn’t want them wandering off and hurting themselves, after all, they needed master to watch over them, didn’t they? Who else would take care of them? After all, it was absurd to think that they could take care of themselves. Severus had almost laughed at this thought. Of course master had to take care of them. But thankfully, master didn’t mind. He loved them.

So Bella and Severus curled up together on the floor beside the enormous bed and slept, knowing they were safe and secure being so close to their master.

Severus hadn’t felt so safe in years and he nearly cried everytime master woke in the middle of the night to smile down at them and see if they were alright. Master really did love them!

Master did everything for them. He decided when they ate and how much—after all, if they were allowed to decide for themselves, they’d get fat and unhealthy and that would break master’s heart—and he decided when they should sleep and when they should sit up and lie down—after all, if they made these decisions themselves they might make the wrong ones and hurt master terribly so it was best to let him make all the decisions.

It all made perfect sense to Severus and he was thrilled it was starting to make sense to Bella too.   
She had started becoming much more obedient in the past day and acted just as relieved as he felt when master fed them something or answered something which they didn’t know the answer to.

But Bella looked different. Something in her eyes had dulled and faded. They seemed empty now. Severus felt slightly worried over that, but then decided that she must just be feeling happy now that she didn’t have to worry about fighting and making a fuss anymore. After all, master would take care of her from now on and she would be fine. He’d whispered that to her telepathically one night when they lay on the floor, Bella gently stroking the chain connecting the collar to master’s wrist. She’d stared at him and then smiled, her eyes dead but her smile filled with content happiness.

 

*             *             *

 

One night, master said that they were ready to begin a new part of their training. Bella’s face lit up and she positively beamed and Severus also felt excited. Learning new ways to make master happy was the best thing in the world. After all, that was what they were there for.

The Dark Lord slowly stood up and motioned for them to come closer. They crawled to his feet and eagerly awaited his instructions. He quietly told them to undress him.

Bella’s eager hands reached up and she pulled the hem of his robes upwards but Severus hesitated. Tears of sadness flooded his eyes. He couldn’t touch master. He wasn’t allowed to touch master. Master should only be touched by those who were worthy and he certainly wasn’t.

The Dark Lord gently waved at Bella to stop for a moment and he knelt down before Severus. “What’s wrong, my little serpent?” he asked, concern etched into his face.

Severus sobbed and between sobs managed to whisper why he couldn’t touch him.

The Dark Lord’s eyes flooded with compassion. “Oh, my little serpent, of course you are worthy! I have made you worthy! You are more worthy than any other. You and my little raven. I would have no one else do what I am allowing you to do.”

Tears shimmering in his eyes, Severus stared at him. “You mean that, my Lord? You would allow me to touch you?” he breathed.

The Dark Lord nodded, smiling gently. “Yes, my serpent.”

Severus was overwhelmed from the immensity of this priviledge and nearly started sobbing again. The Dark Lord gently stroked his cheek and Bella patted his arm, smiling at him but her eyes seeming far away.

Finally, Severus regained control over himself and helped Bella undress their master, hands shaking as he did.

They lovingly folded the dark green robe and laid it onto the chair behind their master. Then they were ordered to take off their own robes and undergarments and they hurriedly complied.

Their master went over to a small cabinet in his bedroom and took out two little vials. He handed them to each of them, both murmuring their gratitude for this gift, whatever it was.

Severus drank it and shuddered slightly from the sickeningly sweet taste. He felt nothing for a few moments and then he felt his entire body coming alive. Hormones flooded him and engulfed his body and he suddenly felt more liberated than ever before.

He felt like laughing out loud as this friendly fire burned within him and he glanced at Bella, who was smiling too. Suddenly, he found himself noticing things he’d never noticed before. The way her shiny black hair hung down to her waist and the way the moonlight reflected off her pale, lithe body.

Severus suddenly became aware of the fact that he was panting and his heartbeat was madly pounding in his head. He turned wide eyes to his master, who was watching them and smiling.

“You want her, don’t you, my serpent?”

Severus nodded, not really understanding what he wanted to do with Bella exactly but only knowing that he wanted to touch her badly. Really badly.

The Dark Lord smiled. “Then take her,” he whispered.

Without a word, Bella grabbed his hand and stared at him with large, lust-filled eyes and skipped to the bed before flinging herself onto it and pulling him onto her.

Severus was hardly aware of what he was doing. His mind was locked up somewhere and his body seemed to be working on its own. Bella was smiling and laughing and seemed to enjoy whatever his body was currently engaged in, but her eyes remained dead and empty.

And all the while, the Dark Lord sat on a chair beside his bed, watching them with a satisfied smile on his face.

 

*             *             *

 

That was the first part of his and Bella’s sexual training as their master’s servants. Their master had said they had much to learn and would need to practice very hard in order to perfect their skills. Severus and Bella eagerly awaited their lessons, determined to do whatever it took to make master happy, after all, master loved them and took care of them.

Master always patiently explained new skills to them and either had them practice on each other or one of the other masters who were allowed to participate in this privilege because of an assignment they had done well on. Severus didn’t see their smirking and didn’t hear their hissing, panted remarks of ‘good little slut’ and ‘that’s it, suck it down’ as rough hands clutched his hair, since they were merely objects to be practiced on. Only when master was sure that they had perfected their new skills did he allow them to try them on him.

They learned how to use their bodies, eyes and voices to please their master and Severus forgot that there was a world outside of master’s rooms. He was convinced this was what he had been born to do. Being fed by master and sleeping on the floor beside his bed and helping Bella please their master anyway he demanded. Whenever their master fell asleep on his bed, pale body covered in sweat and a content smile on his face, Severus didn’t feel the soreness of his own body and the stale, bitter taste in his mouth or the raw bruises on his wrists from where master sometimes chained them to the bed, all he could feel was the happiness which filled him knowing that he had made master happy. Bella and him would often weep with happiness as they lay beside each other on the floor, arms around each other, happy because their master was happy.

 

*             *             *

 

Only after what seemed like months did their master decide that they needed some fresh air and allowed them to leave his rooms and return to their own quarters. Bella burst into tears at this since she didn’t want to leave master and Severus felt a shudder of fear pass through him. He couldn’t be on his own! He needed master!

Seeing the fear in their eyes, their master gently stroked their cheeks and murmured that he would see them every night and that he would feed them and take care of them and they didn’t have to worry about anything. The only reason they were going back to their rooms was because Dolohov and Macnair had some assignments for them.

It took Bella quite a while to stop crying, but then she tightly clutched Severus’ hand and they quietly crawled out of the room.

Once the doors slammed shut behind them, such an emptiness filled Severus that he nearly started crying too.

Bella had collapsed onto the floor and started tugging on his hand, wanting to crawl back to the room, but Severus stood his ground.

“Bella, we have to go to our rooms. Master said so.”

Bella kept crying, sitting on the floor and stretching out a hand towards the room. “I want master!” she sobbed.

Severus knelt down before her and wiped her tears off her cheeks. “Come on, Bella. Be strong. We’ll see master in a few hours. We need to do work until then.”

She stared at him with large, empty eyes and sniffed a few times before slowly nodding. “We’ll go do work. And then we’ll see master.”

Severus nodded. “Of course we will,” he smiled and gently tapped her on the nose. “Silly. Master would never leave us alone,” he said, laughing slightly.

Bella smiled too. “I’m a pretty silly girl, aren’t I?”

Severus laughed, shaking his head. “Yes, you certainly are. Now, come on.”

Helping her up, they slowly walked down the corridor, stepping through the ward. Severus felt such an emptiness fill him that he nearly collapsed and wanted nothing more than to crawl back into master’s room, but knew he had a job to do and had to do it.

Bella had started crying again, but Severus held onto her arms to keep her from running and gently murmured reassurances to her as they slowly made their way to their rooms.

 

*             *             *

 

Once they reached Macnair’s dungeons, Bella started sobbing again when she realized Severus would leave her.

“You can’t leave me, Sevvie! Please! I don’t want to be all alone!”

Severus smiled at her and gently held her. “You won’t be alone, Bella. We have a bond, remember?”

She sniffed a few times, before her face brightened and she nodded, stepping back from him.

“ _Promise you won’t turn it off_?”

Severus smiled reassuringly. “ _I promise_.”

Smiling and looking like a little girl, her eyes livened up a bit and she turned and opened the dungeon door, shooting him a big grin as she waved.

Severus slowly made his way back to his own quarters, shaking his head at Bella’s silliness.

As soon as he reached his door, he pushed it open and immediately, a small figure flung itself into his arms.

“Oh, is young master alright? Gorgy was so worried! Gorgy speaking to all elves but nobody knowing where Miss Bella and young master went!”

Severus sighed softly and reassuringly petted his elf’s back as he smiled with amusement.

“Elf, I’m fine. Bella and I were spending time with master.”

His elf stared up at him and his relieved grin slowly turned into a frown. “Young master was with Dark Master this entire time?”

Severus nodded, and walked over to his worktable on which a simple piece of paper lay with instructions for some organ shrivelling potion Macnair was requesting. Skimming the quantity and the due date, Severus immediately went to his personal stock cupboard and started removing the ingredients he would need. Maybe if he finished with this potion very quickly, Macnair would put in a good word for him with master! The thought made him fill with excitement and he hurried to start the preparation of his ingredients.

His elf was still frowning. “What was young master and Miss Bella doing with master all this time?”

“Oh, it was wonderful, elf! He took such good care of us and told us we never have to worry about anything anymore, and he taught us ways to please him, elf! He said very few ever get to have this privilege—”

“Privilege?” his elf’s voice sounded flat and a bit angry, but Severus didn’t hear that. He was busy skinning shrivelfigs as fast as he could.

“Yes, and Bella was a bit stubborn at first, but she learned her lessons very quickly, elf. Master was so proud of her but he got a bit impatient with her at times. I’m just so glad Father taught me most of those lessons long ago. I’m so glad I haven’t forgotten any of them,” He laughed as he carefully measured out some powdered Asphodel root. “I knew I shouldn’t listen to the headmaster’s garbage about everything Father said being wrong. Imagine if I had believed him! Such nonsense! Master would have to teach me everything all over again. And he’d do it, I mean, he’s the most patient, kind master in the world, but it would be so tedious.”

His elf was staring at him, his eyes utterly blank.

Severus glanced up at him. “Don’t just stand there, elf! Come and help me crush these beetles! I have to be done in a few hours. Master is allowing Bella and me to see him tonight and I want to tell I’m all finished with the potion. He’ll be so proud!”

Gorgon stood there, staring at him for a few moments before slowly going over and helping his young master prepare ingredients. While they worked, Gorgon didn’t say a word and didn’t let his eyes betray him.

Only when his young master felt his mark burning slightly and he dashed out of the room, smiling and shaking from happiness, did the old elf slide down the back of the closed door and let his silent tears fall.

 

**Oct. 13 th, 1978**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Severus quietly lay on the large, silk covered bed, drawing in quiet, deep breaths to soothe the pain radiating up his body. He closed his eyes and twisted his hands into the black sheets.

Master was panting above him as he thrust into him. “You like this, don’t you, my serpent?” he whispered into Severus’ ear.

Severus nodded his head. “Yes, master,” he whispered.

A breathless chuckle as a sweat covered body slid against his pale back. Severus bit his lip to stiffle a cry of pain as raw wounds barely healed since last night were torn open again and rubbed raw. But the pain was alright. Master loved him and he had to hurt him. It was simply the way things were.

He focused on keeping still, knowing that master wouldn’t need to tie him down if he didn’t move. His wrists were still sore and bruised and Severus didn’t want to have them start bleeding all over master’s precious silk sheets.

When his master was finally satiated, he collapsed on the bed beside Severus, gasping for breath and wiping the sweat off his forehead.

He reached over and lifted Severus’ head and gently traced his jaw with a pale finger.

“My good, precious serpent. You like pleasing your master, don’t you?”

Severus nodded.

The Dark Lord smiled, red eyes glittering in the darkness. “You did well, my little serpent.”

Severus felt his eyes glowing with pride. He had done well! He had pleased master!

Master stared up at his ceiling for a few moments while his breathing slowed. Finally, he glanced down at himself and grimaced slightly. “Oh, look how messy I’ve become. How shameful! Look at all this blood,” he shook his head.

Shame flooded Severus. “I’m sorry, master! I didn’t mean to do that!” he breathed out, his breath catching as fear flooded him. He had just done so well and now master would be upset with him.

His master narrowed his eyes at him before his gaze softened. “It’s alright, my serpent. Come and clean it up.”

Severus pushed himself up and forced his aching body to crawl over to his master and carefully licked him clean, ignoring the bitter taste which clung to the roof of his mouth and the smell which stuck in his nose. It was his fault master was covered in blood and other shameful substances so he had to clean him up. Of course he did!

His master smiled down at him before nodding in satisfaction. Yawning loudly, he snapped his fingers and ordered him off the bed. Immediately, Severus flew off the bed and prostrated himself on the ground beside Bella’s still form.

They lay there for about an hour while their master dozed. When he finally stirred, Bella lifted her head up, an eager smile on her face and dead eyes staring blankly upwards.

A quiet snapping of fingers drifted down to them and Bella eagerly leapt onto the bed, pulling off her clothes.

Severus yawned and quietly curled up on the black tiles and went to sleep, the sound of his master panting and crooning his approval soothing him to sleep.

 

**Oct. 20 th, 1978**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Severus wearily leapt off Xira, gave her a quiet pat on the neck and slowly made his way out of the stables and trudged up the long flights of stairs leading upstairs.

Along the way, he brushed the twigs and leaves off his cloak and brushed the dirt off his mask, grimacing when some of it got into his eyes.

He sighed softly as he finally reached his door and stumbled through it, barely having the energy to close it behind him.

His elf was immediately there, removing his cloak, mask and gloves and helping him sit down. His elf pressed a glass of water into his hands and Severus gratefully sipped it. He was unbelievably hungry but he had to wait until master had food sent down to him. He had a sudden wish that he would be allowed to go down to the kitchen and get himself food whenever he felt like it, but the thought horrified him. He stared at the wall, eyes wide. He had just thought about disobeying master! He had a sudden urge to slam his head into a wall until these bad thoughts went away, but his elf’s chattering quickly distracted him.

His elf was fussing over him, coaxing more water down his throat and quietly saying how he had prepared the ingredients and the bases for some of his assigned potions already.

Severus nodded gratefully. “Thank you, Gorgon. I didn’t think the raid would take this long and Dolohov wants those potions by tomorrow.”

They were interrupted by his door being slammed open and Bella hurling through the door, laughing hysterically about something.

Severus rolled his eyes. He was starting to get a headache and dealing with Bella’s deluded eccentricities wasn’t something he was in the mood for.

“What do you want, Bella?”

She abruptly stopped laughing and stared at him with wide eyes. She stared at him without a word for a long moment. “I don’t know,” she whispered, eyes darting all around the room as if their contents would hold some clue as to what she had wanted.

Then she giggled and spun around and disappeared out the door again.

Severus rolled his eyes. They had been home for about ten minutes and she was high again. On what he didn’t know or care. Bella had figured out months ago that the best way to deal with life when they weren’t around master was to be drugged out of her mind. A lot of the Death Eaters living in the manor were drug users and eagerly shared their stashes with Bella, especially because she paid them back in bed or on her knees. Gorgon severely disapproved of this and had tried to talk to Bella about it, but she had just stared at his elf and then giggled to herself and said elves were very funny and then left the room, probably not having understood a word he had said. Severus didn’t really understand why Bella experimented with every drug she could get her hands on and injected, snorted, swallowed and smoked anything she was given, since she was always careful and never got addicted to anything, but being high prevented her from spending hours crying on Severus’ shoulder about how much she missed master, which always made Severus ache with the need to see master as well. So Severus didn’t have any serious complaints about his bondmate’s drug use, since she acted just as crazy with the drugs in her as she did without them.

His elf folded his cloak and carefully put it into the small closet beside his bed. “How did raid go?”

Severus shrugged. “The wards were easy to get through but we couldn’t find the stupid book once we were in.”

“Book on dark magic which master wanted?”

Severus nodded. “It’s got some old spells which are supposed to bind your magic to your lifeforce.”

His elf nodded. “So if one finds way to keep magic strong then body will stay strong too.”

Severus nodded. “Anyway, the old git who was in the house said he didn’t have the book at first so Bella started to coax him into reconsidering that. After a bit he told us where it was and even what his Gringott’s account number is.” Severus rolled his eyes. “Git passed out after a few more minutes. I told Bella to restrain herself. There wasn’t any need to be so excessive. She just stares at me and says that master wanted the book and she was getting the book and who cared what came between?” Severus sighed. “She’s crazy, but I guess she’s right,” he muttered, a hint of affection in his voice.

His elf’s eyes darkened. “So young master got book?”

Severus nodded. “Yes,” he smiled suddenly, imagining master’s pleased smile when he, Bella and the rest of their team showed him the book later that evening.

His elf crossed his arms across his chest. “So it alright that poor old, innocent man was tortured and might never recover as long as Dark Master gets his book?”

Severus sighed, feeling flooded with irritation. This had been the dilemma which had been plaguing him ever since they had apparated away from the house on their thestrals and had ridden back to the manor. During the long ride, Severus found himself feeling sorry for the poor old man. After all, it hadn’t been his fault that he had inherited the book and had it sitting on a shelf at home.

But these feelings of guilt confused him. Not only did Bella seem to lack these feelings entirely, but she had explained things to him so clearly that Severus didn’t think there could be another way of looking at it. Master had wanted the book and they got the book. So where was there a problem? Severus knew there wasn’t.

But, yet, there was. And Bella just didn’t see it.

But his elf did.

This irritated Severus to no end. Why was he sitting here, feeling sorry for some old, stupid man who was probably a few years away from a natural death anyway?

These feelings not only angered him but scared him. What if master detected these feelings? What if master found out? Master would be very angry with him. After all, feeling sorry for the old man meant that Severus didn’t think their assignment had been top priority. But it had been! Master was top priority!

Severus sighed, confused and angry with himself. Glaring around, he snarled at his elf to drop the subject. Pushing himself up, he headed over to his work table, intent on forgetting about this stupid situation and drown himself in making potions.

His elf stared at him for a long moment before managing a small smile. Without a word, he went over and started helping his young master prepare the potions.

Maybe, there was some hope left for the young seventeen year old.

 

**Oct. 22 nd, 1978**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Severus crouched beside his master's chair, eagerly waiting while he quietly turned the pages of an old book. Bella was lying on the bed, wrists and ankles chained to the sides, smiling contently to herself as she stared up at the ceiling.

Finally, master nodded and smiled, handing the book down to Severus. Severus took it and immediately mumbled his gratitude to be handed something. Master smiled at him and stroked his cheek before pointing at one of the old runes in the middle of a page.

“I like this one, my serpent,” he whispered.

Severus nodded and stared at the symbol, memorizing it. Clutching the knife master had handed to him in his hands, he crawled across the floor and climbed onto the bed.

As he crawled over to Bella, he realized his hand was shaking and his palm was sweating so badly that he had trouble holding the knife. He paused for one tiny moment and realized why he didn't want to do this, but the thought horrified him and he ruthlessly suppressed it.

He had to do this. Master had told him to. Master loved this game and was always in a good mood after playing it so Severus had to enjoy it too. After all, if master enjoyed it, then it must be a fun game and Severus was being stupid for not liking it as much.

Determined to please his master, he pushed aside all of his thoughts and straddled Bella, who was squirming eagerly and smiling at him.

 _“Is it a pretty one_?” she whispered telepathically.

Severus managed to nod as his hand hovered over her pale stomach. Glancing over her pale body, he could see the faint outlines of the scars which covered her body as well as his own from previous symbols their master had decided he liked when they played the game on previous occasions. Sometimes master liked the symbol for a few days afterwards and sometimes he changed his mind after a few hours and made it fade away, but because they were both so thin and pale, the faint scars never completely vanished.

He realized his jaw was shaking and he clenched it so tightly he thought his jaw would crack. Forcing his sweat slicked hand to stop shaking, he brought the sharp knife closer to her skin. Bella had stopped squirming and was staring down at the knife, her eyes dead but that content smile still on her face.

Severus was about to start cutting when he saw Bella's skin twitch ever so slightly. He glanced up at her, knowing she was scared. He could feel the faint hint of fear coming from her through their bond and he nearly dropped the knife, but then tightened his hand around it. Master liked this game and he would please his master!

As he hesitated, he heard the rustling of robes behind him and moments later, master was crouching beside the bed. “What's wrong, my precious serpent? Is Bella squirming too much?”

Severus stared at him, feeling those red eyes calmly penetrating his mind. For a moment, terror seized hold of him. What if master detected his hesitation? What if master could sense that he didn't really want to do this? Immediately, he shoved all these thoughts out of his mind and forced a mental image of the symbol into his head, using the same technique he had used when communicating with Fawkes years ago.

He quickly shook his head. “No,” he whispered, unable to tear his gaze away from master.

Master smiled at him before gently stroking his cheek. “Then get on with it. My raven is very excited about this one, isn't she?”

Bella nodded, smiling at Severus.

Their master went back to sitting in his chair.

Severus stared down at the knife in his hand and then at Bella's pale skin. Swallowing hard, he slowly brought the knife down and pricked her skin. While the first streams of blood erupted from the cut, he slowly started moving the knife downwards, slicing through the skin and the muscle beneath, just the way master liked it. Bella was staring up at the ceiling, not uttering a word. She had turned off their link, not wanting Severus to hear her mental screams and except for the occasional shudder of her body, she gave no other indication that she felt any pain.

As Severus started another cut, wiping the blood away so he could see the skin he was carving into, his mind stopped plaguing him with those bad, bad thoughts. He was solely focused on cutting and remembering the exact details of the symbol so he could make it perfect for their master.

When he was finished, he licked the blood off himself just like master always demanded and then he crawled off the bed to their master.

Their master was sitting in his chair, eyes wide with excitement and his breathing deep and hurried in obvious arousal.

He smiled down at Severus. “Well done, my serpent,” he whispered, before pulling his robes up.

Severus felt a small surge of happiness at his master's praise, but could feel Bella's squirming skin under his fingers still.

Forcing those thoughts out of his mind, he was barely aware of master reaching out and gently grabbing the back of his head and bringing it to his lap. Severus automatically opened his mouth, his training taking over and his mind going blissfully blank.

 

**Oct. 27 th, 1978**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Severus frowned in concentration as he carefully thought over precisely how much dragon blood to add to the potion calmly bubbling before him. He had been feverishly working on this poison for three days now and master wanted it to be finished by tonight. Originally, master had said he wanted it in two weeks, but then he had changed his mind. This wasn’t a problem since master was allowed to change his mind whenever he felt like it. If he said two weeks, it was two weeks and if he said three days, then it was three days. It was as simple as that. So no, that wasn’t the problem.

The problem was lying on the table next to the cauldron. A young muggle boy was lying on the table, glazed eyes staring upwards, a crooked smile on his face. Severus had stunned him early on, not liking the way the boy twitched involuntarily. Severus knew it wasn’t his fault—prolonged exposure to the Cruciatus curse caused random muscle spasms—but it was still an annoyance, since the shaking of the table often led to some of his freshly prepared ingredients rolling off the table.

Severus glanced at the boy from time to time with annoyance. He had bribed Bella for the young muggle since he needed a test subject for the poison and he thought it would be a waste to use a still sound human being for it. The effects of the poison were purely physical and not emotional so the emotional state of the test subject was irrelevant. Bella had been loathe to give up some of her ‘play mates’ but then Severus had struck a deal with her. She was still sore from having been with master the night before, master having decided he enjoyed being in Bella so much that a knife should get the same enjoyment. Bella’s face expression had never changed and that deranged smile had never left her face but she had bled profusely afterwards and it had taken Gorgon hours to patch her back up. Severus knew she would start bleeding if anything got anywhere near the newly healed skin, so he struck her a deal. He would keep master busy for the entire night, allowing Bella to sleep quietly on the floor, if she gave him one of her toys to use as his test subject. She had pouted and whined over it, asking if Severus couldn’t return her toy once he was done and that she liked having many toys to play with, but after some yelling and pleading, she had finally agreed. After all, Bella was crazy, not stupid.

Severus chewed on the end of his quill, frowing as he quickly scrawled out some calculations on his spare parchment, trying to see what proportion of dragon blood would be sufficient enough.

Well, to tell the truth, he was stalling for time. He already knew the approximate amount needed but he was spending time proving to himself that other amounts wouldn’t work. He reassured himself that he was just being careful and meticulous, but when he glanced up and saw his elf’s angry glare coming from across the room, he knew he wasn’t fooling anybody.

His elf crossed his arms across his chest and glared. “What young master doing? Isn’t it time already to torture poor, innocent child?” he spat.

Severus narrowed his eyes. “I’m busy finishing some calculations.”

His elf glared harder. “Young master not fooling anybody. Young master already know exactly how much dragon blood to use in this filthy potion. Young master wasting his time. And why wasting time, huh?”

“I’m being thorough, elf!” Severus spat back.

“No! Young master wasting time because not wanting to cause poor child any more agony!”

Severus clenched his jaw and glared. “The thing couldn’t care less if I stuffed something down its throat. It’s already crazy and beyond help.”

“And are nerves all dead, huh?”

Severus glared, having to admit his elf had shot his argument down there. Fine. He’d pull out his last card, one which his elf couldn’t possibly argue with.

“I’m going to do this whether you like it or not—”

“That not issue! Issue is whether young master wants to—”

“That’s irrelevant!” Severus yelled, his heart in his throat when he realized how quickly his elf had seen through his excuses. Fear of master finding out about this fuelled his desperation and he turned it into anger. “The only thing that matters is that master wants this potion by tonight and it needs to be tested. What I want and what you want and what this deranged thing wants are all irrelevant!”

His elf stiffened. “The only thing irrelevant here is what that mad man wants to—”

Severus felt as if somebody had slapped him. He gaped at his elf, eyes widening. His elf had dared insult master. His elf had dared to—!

“Get out,” he whispered in a shaky voice, so angry that he knew he would kill his elf if he wasn’t across the room from him.

His elf folded his arms across his chest. “Young master not thinking—”

“Get out!” Severus screamed. A burst of magic exploded from him and two books were torn from the shelf beside him and flew towards his elf.

Gorgon ducked just in time and then stared at his young master, who was breathing heavily, face pale with rage.

Without another word, his elf snapped his fingers and disapparated to the kitchen.

Severus stared at the spot his elf had occupied moments before, feeling a lump in his throat.

Hands shaking, he whimpered before tears started streaming down his face.

He slowly sank onto the ground, leaning against the leg of his table, sobbing quietly. He buried his face in his arms.

His elf was right. He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to hurt that stupid, filthy muggle lying above his head, even though death would be welcomed by it, and the excrutiating pain it would suffer before it died would still be tamer than spending a few more months as Bella’s personal play toy.

But he had to hurt the stupid thing! He had to! Master wanted the potion tested and this was the only way! And he wanted to please master but he didn’t want to hurt the stupid thing and that meant he didn’t really want to please master, but he did but he didn’t want to hurt—

He sobbed harder, confused and feeling utterly lost. He realized he wanted his elf back, but didn’t want to put up with his natterings. Besides, he thought as his eyes darkened, his elf had insulted master! That raw anger flooded him and he grit his teeth. His elf should die because of what he said. He had dared insult master!

Master, who loved them and master whom Severus wanted to please, but that meant he had to hurt the muggle, and he didn’t want to, but that meant he didn’t really want to please his master but he did and—

He let his head fall onto his arms again, sobbing.

He had no idea how long he sat there until he felt a hand on his arm. He jerked his head up and stared at the person crouching beside him, smiling at him and tilting her head curiously. It was Bella.

She was smiling, her empty eyes staring at him as she pat his arm. He stared at her through tear filled eyes and sniffed, wiping his sleeve across his eyes and nose.

“Sevvie, why are you crying?” she asked, blinking at him and still smiling, although looking slightly concerned. “Is my toy broken?” She asked, and suddenly, a horrified look crossed her face as she darted up and lifted up the blanket Severus had thrown over him. With a frown, Bella carefully lifted up the limp arms and poked around between his legs and studied his feet carefully before prying open his mouth and a look of understanding dawned on her face.

“Oh, did you want him not to have teeth?” she asked, spinning around.

Severus frowned. “No teeth?” he asked, momentarily forgetting about the reason he was sitting on the floor, crying.

Bella nodded, looking very serious. “Yes, yes. Rosier always wants his toys having no teeth. It’s easier for them to suck then, even if they have problems keeping their mouths open. It prevents any owies,” she explained, staring at him with huge eyes.

Severus blinked at her. “Uhm, no, it’s not a problem. He’s fine,” he managed.

Bella nodded, petting her toy on the head and smirking proudly down at him, but then she frowned again and tilted her head at Severus.

“Then what’s wrong? Why was Sevvie crying?”

Severus sighed. “It doesn’t matter, Bella. Forget about it,” he mumbled, knowing she wouldn’t understand even if he did try to explain. For her, life was simple. Master told her to do something and she’d do it because master told her to. She didn’t think about the things she did or regret them or agonize over them in the ridiculous manner he was doing now, simply because there was no need to.

She frowned and crouched down beside him and lifted his face with her hands and stared him in the eyes.

“ _My Sevvie is sad and that makes me sad_.”

Severus smiled at her and gently pushed her hands away. “I’m fine, Bella.”

She tilted her head and stared at him while she chewed on her lower lip. Her gaze darted around the room while she seemed to be thinking something over.

Finally, she grinned and started rummaging around in her robe pockets until she pulled out a small, white bag, smaller than her hand.

Holding it gently, she smiled at it and then handed it to Severus. He took it and frowned down at it.

“What is this?”

Bella smirked at him and pressed her lips together from excitement. “It’s something special,” she whispered, eyes darting all around to make sure nobody heard them.

Severus leaned closer, frowning. “Why are we whispering?”

She stared at him with huge eyes and held a finger to her lips. “Because it’s a secret,” she whispered.

Severus frowned slightly. “Why is this a secret? What’s in here?”

She smiled and motioned for him to open it. He gently opened the small bag and peered inside. Inside there lay a few grams of fluorescent green crystals. For a moment, he was confused and stared at the innocent crystals twinkling up at him, but then memory started tugging at his mind, and he suddenly realized what he was holding. Eyes widening, he nearly dropped the bag.

“Hell’s Breath? Bella!”

She madly shushed him and covered his mouth with her hand. He wrenched his face out of her hands and glared at her. “Why is this a secret? Nearly half the manor uses Hell’s Breath and you know it!” He whispered, feeling annoyed.

She was still shushing him and covering her ears with her hands as if that would prevent anybody else from hearing what they were discussing. When he continued glaring at her, she stared at him and suddenly burst into tears.

Severus sighed. He hadn’t meant to snap at her, he really hadn’t. He had just been surprised and slightly annoyed that Bella thought this crap would solve his problems. But it was the best Bella could do.

He sighed. “Bella, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap.”

She continued sniffling and stared at him. “Will Sevvie promise to keep it a secret?”

He stared at her. “But why?”

She looked like she was on the verge of crying again. “Because secrets are fun and I’ve always wanted a secret.”

He sighed inwardly. Fine. “Alright, I won’t tell anybody,” he whispered.

She nodded excited once more. She clasped her hands over his, the bag between them. “This will help you, Sevvie. I know it will. I know you don’t like hurting me or being mean to toys, but this will help you do it. We must please master, Sevvie and he’ll be so happy once you don’t think about things anymore. It’ll make things so much better.”

He stared at her. A part of him wanted to throw the bag back in her face. He knew what this drug did to people. He remembered his Father’s glowing green eyes and the way he used to enjoy hurting him and the fits he’d throw if he thought anybody else had hidden his precious crystals. But then he remembered that Father had taught him valuable lessons. Lessons he used nearly everyday now to please his master. So maybe his Father had known what he was doing and knew that the crystals would help him teach his son his lessons more efficiently. Severus quietly nodded to himself. He’d never thought about it that way, but it made sense. Maybe if these little crystals helped his Father teach him how to be more obedient and please his master, maybe they would help him please his master even better.

Understanding dawned on him and a small smile tugged on his face. Then it froze. He remembered having read long ago about how addictive the drug was and how hard—and most often fatal— it was to quit. But then he pushed those thoughts out of his mind. He wouldn’t get addicted. After all, this was a one time thing and he wouldn’t have very much anyway.

He glanced up at the muggle still lying stunned on his table and the bubbling potion in the cauldron above his head. He had to finish that potion and soon if he was going to make master happy.

He stared at Bella, who was crouching on the floor, looking at him expectantly.

He slowly nodded. “Alright. But not a lot, you hear? Just enough so I can do what needs to be done.”

Bella nodded and grinned. Licking her lips, she took the bag from him and poured a small amount of the crystals into her hands and a smaller amount into his hands. She glanced up at him.

“You don’t use drugs as much as I do so you have to be more careful. It isn’t good to have too much if you don’t use often,” she explained, sounding surprisingly reasonable for once.

Severus stared at the glimmering green crystals in the palm of his hand. He could just turn his hand over and the tiny things would fall to the floor and he’d never be able to find them again. But then again, this wasn’t that much. And he knew this would only be a one time thing. After this, he’d devise a better way of finding courage within himself. For now, this would have to do.

Bella was looking at him. “Ready?” she whispered.

He nodded shakily. She smiled at him. “I’ll stay with you, Sevvie. Don’t be scared.”

He smiled at her and watched as she carefully ground up the crystals between her fingers until green flames erupted on the tips of her fingers. Holding her fingers together, the flames united in a small ball of green fire and she tilted her head back and swallowed them. Smiling at him, she nodded.

Biting his lip and forcing his hand to stop shaking, he gently ground up the crystals, hating himself for enjoying the way they crunched against one another and emitted little green sparks until they all started slowly burning and the crystals had all disappeared. He carefully folded up his hand and moved it up to his mouth. For one brief second, he hesitated, but then thought about his master, and without another thought, he swallowed the flames.

Immediately, the fire burned a fierce path down his throat and he doubled over, gasping from the pain. Bella wrapped her arms around him and held him in her arms while he trembled from the painful burning.

“It’ll be over soon, Sevvie. The good part is coming. Just wait,” she whispered in his ear.

Slowly, the burning in his throat eased and he felt a gentle warmth spreading through his body. It went from his neck down his arms and down to his stomach and his legs and finally up into his head.

A wave of dizziness engulfed him and he closed his eyes and he heard Bella’s voice coming far away and telling him that the dizziness would pass soon.

Trusting her, he clung to her arms and waited until the dizziness passed.

Then he slowly opened his eyes and stared around himself with amazement. Everything was green. Every single object in his room was glowing with that fluorescent green color and Severus wanted to cry at how beautiful it all was. Everything was glowing and sparkling and just beautiful.

He slowly turned his head and stared at Bella, who was smiling at him. Her eyes were sparkling with that green color and her hair and robe and everything else were varying shades of beautiful green.

“You alright, Sevvie?” she asked, her voice coming from far away and echoing slightly in his head.

He nodded and slowly tried to stand up, but promptly fell over again. His legs didn’t seem to be paying any attention to him. Or rather, they didn’t seem to be a part of him anymore. He stared down at them and wiggled his feet and was amazed when they wiggled, but he couldn’t feel them.

Bella had slowly stood up and was laughing as she pulled him up. She laughed and spun him around in a circle and Severus laughed at the glittering green color swirling all around him and knowing his body was spinning but not feeling it. It was as if he was standing outside of his body and looking through his own eyes but somebody else was making his limbs move.

He stared at Bella, who was twirling around the room, giggling and throwing her arms around herself.

Her laughter was infectious and Severus laughed with her, not knowing why he was laughing and not caring. Everything felt wonderful and everything was beautiful.

Suddenly, he grabbed Bella’s hand and twirled to the bed with her, tripping over the edge and tumbling onto the bed covers with her. She laughed and pushed herself up, staring down at him and pushing a strand of green hair behind her ears.

“You see, Sevvie? Isn’t this much better now?” she asked, smiling as her voice echoed through his mind.

Without responding, Severus reached up, grabbed hold of that shiny green hair and pulled her down on top of him, her delighted laughter ringing in his ears as his hands started pulling off her robe.

 

*             *             *

 

About an hour later, Severus stood beside his table, feverishly scribbling on his parchment. He couldn’t believe how easily things were coming to him. He was doing these calculations with an ease he had never before thought possible. His mind seemed to be doing a lot of thinking and his hand just wrote it down, all while Severus stared at the parchment, smiling in amusement at the way his body was doing things all on its own.

He glanced up from time to time to check on Bella, who was sleeping curled up on his bed, his covers pulled over her.

While he checked on her, his hands continued moving and he laughed quietly to himself at how productive he was being. Master was going to be so happy with him!

He carefully measured out the dragon blood and poured it into the cauldron, nearly coming to tears when he saw how beautiful the sparkling green liquid was.

Watching as his hands picked up a vial and carefully measured in a small amount of the poison, he realized he was humming an old elf song to himself. He giggled at his own silliness but then decided that it was alright, since everything was alright.

He went over to the stunned muggle on the table and smiled down at him when he saw the muggle smiling back at him. The muggle was happy and he was happy and everyone was happy and master would be happy and the world was an incredibly beautiful, green and happy place. He sighed softly and giggled to himself as he lifted the vial up. For a moment, he stared in fascination at the way the green liquid sparkled in the faint light from the green torches hanging on the wall of his room, but then he shook his head at his own silliness again and gently tilted the muggle’s head, smiling down at him and watching as his hands poured the liquid down its throat.

He watched as the muggle started twitching violently and then whimpered before starting to scream in pain. Severus continued humming to himself and playing around with the vial in his hands as he watched the muggle, his other hand writing notes on spare parchment. At one point, the muggle nearly fell off the table so Severus conjured up some ropes and tied it securily to the table.

He glanced over to where Bella lay sleeping and considered putting a silencing charm on the muggle, but then saw the content smile on Bella’s face and knew the sound was soothing. He kept humming to himself, fiddling around with the vial and giggling quietly at not being able to feel his hand twirling around with it.

When the screaming stopped, Severus continued humming and twirling the vial for a while until he realized the muggle was dead. Laughing at himself for not noticing sooner, he carefully watched as his hands wrote down how long it had taken the muggle to die.

Then he muttered a disintegration charm at the muggle with a small wave of his wand. He burst out laughing in the middle of the incantation when he watched his hands waving around with his wand without him being aware of it and he had to repeat the charm three or four times before he could get it out without laughing at himself. The muggle started to crumble into pieces before only a pile of ashes lay on his table, which he amused himself with by stirring them up and making them fly around his room with his wand, giggling the entire time as he twirled and danced around the flying ashes, watching his body while his mind was stuck somewhere far away, watching with amusement.

 

**Oct. 28 th, 1978**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Severus lay on the cool black tiles, his head aching. He grimaced as he lay there, the soothing sounds of master snoring on the bed beside him drifting downwards.

He had been trying to forget about last night for hours now. Memories of laughter and screaming and dancing and death all mingled around in his mind, refusing to let go.

Bella moaned and rolled over, the chain on her neck clinking on the floor as she stretched and sat up slowly.

“ _Sevvie_?” She shook him gently.

He glanced at her.

“ _I’ve got to go to the loo_.”

He nodded and pushed himself up. Gently, he undid the chain’s clasp from the collar. Quickly, he attached it to his own collar, glancing up at master’s sleeping form as he did so. If the chains weren’t removed by master himself, Bella or him, and if they were removed from the collars for more than a few minutes, master would automatically awaken. This was done so that nobody could come in and steal them away from master. But this had its downfalls as well, if either one of them had to go to the bathroom or if master demanded they get something but forgot to undo the chains. Severus had discovered months ago that they could undo the chains and attach them to one of their collars without master noticing anything.

She smiled at him and then crawled swiftly across the floor towards the door.

Severus leaned against master’s bed, fiddling around with the two chains attached to his collar.

He knew he should feel bad about what had happened the other night. He knew his elf—Merlin forbid him ever finding out!—would be extremely upset with him, but surprisingly, this was the only thing which worried him. He carefully thought over what had happened. He had used the same drugs which had driven his Father and the majority of his family insane, he had done so without his elf knowing about it, and he had killed that muggle. But then he remembered that he had finished the work master had demanded of him, and he had to test that potion anyway and the muggle would have died with him being high or not, so really, his death had no relevance to his guilt. Master had wanted him to test the potion and he had done so. The fact that the stupid, deranged filth had to die was irrelevant. Yes, that was exactly right. That’s exactly what Bella would say and what master would expect him to think.

Nodding to himself, he yanked on the chains, loathing that tiny bit of remorse which still gnawed at him. It didn’t matter! None of it did! Not his guilt at going behind his elf’s back and not his guilt at having that drooling thing die! None of it! Master was happy and that was all that mattered!

He gave the chains another vicious yank, liking how they made the collar painfully dig into his neck.

Suddenly, a small white hand reached over and stopped his yanking. He glanced up. Bella smiled at him.

“ _You’ll stretch the collar all out, Sevvie and master won’t like that_.”

He stared at her. A part of him wanted to tell her what he was feeling, but knew she wouldn’t understand. Another part of him wanted to tell his elf, but knew that he wouldn’t approve of what he had done and just rant and rave about it.

Gently undoing the clasp of one of the chains, he handed it back to her. She clipped it onto her collar and leaned over and pulled him down with her, arms around him and stroking his hair.

“ _Go to sleep, Sevvie. There’s too many thoughts in your head, it’s not good for you_ ,” she thought, nodding to herself and smiling. “ _You need some more crystals, that’s all_.”

Severus quietly lay curled up on the floor with her, pushing these stupid thoughts out of his head and hating himself for admitting that Bella was probably right.

 

**Dec. 17 th, 1978**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Severus trembled slightly as he lay on the floor, staring at the black tiles beneath him. Master was in a bad mood. A very bad mood. The assignment he had given to a few of his masters about a month ago had failed due to one of their spies in the ministry having obtained the wrong information. Severus had known about the assignment for weeks since master always went on and on about such things while he sat in his chair, stroking his or Bella’s hair and smiling at them. He said he did his best thinking while he had his precious ones around him. Severus always felt so proud at that. Imagine, him and Bella helped their master think!

But just as they shared his good moods, they shared his bad moods and today was no exception. When Bella and he had felt their marks burning and arrived at master's chamber, they had nearly been run over by two masters being flung out of the room and a few of Macnair’s assistants dragging three other unconscious master’s twitching and bleeding bodies out.

Bella and him had crept inside, prostrating themselves and remaining quiet and unmoving. It was best not to call attention to yourself when master was in such moods.

Severus felt fear clutching his stomach, his ears carefully following master as he stomped around the room, muttering and cursing to himself.

Suddenly, Severus felt a small, cold hand creep across the floor and clutch his own. He carefully shifted his cloak so it was covering her hand and then he clutched it tightly, drawing strength from it.

“ _It’ll be alright, Sevvie. Don’t be scared. Master is just in a bad mood and it’s our job to make him feel better_.”

He smiled. Nothing ever fazed Bella. Not pain or fear or sadness or despair. She was crazy, but she was tough.

Finally, master sighed loudly and glanced into his bedroom from where a low hissing could be heard.

Master glanced over at them. “Bella, go feed Nagini.”

Immediately, Bella crawled across the floor towards the bedroom to obey, leaving Severus alone on the floor.

Master paced around some more before he sat down in his chair and sighed again, snapping his fingers. Immediately, Severus crawled over to him, lying at his feet.

Master’s hand came down and idly started twirling locks of his hair around his fingers.

“My precious serpent, you would never disappoint your master, would you?” he murmured.

Severus shook his head, the very thought horrifying him. “No, master,” he whispered.

His master sighed. “I am tired, my serpent. Too tired for games, but you will read to me.”

Severus nodded, growing excited. He loved reading to his master.

The Dark Lord narrowed his eyes briefly as he thought over what they would be reading. Finally, he smiled. “Get me Gerovaczy’s wonderful book.”

Severus frowned, knowing the author had written two books. He bit his lip, not wanting to be rude, but not knowing which book to get. “Uhm, which one, master?”

His master suddenly stiffened and glared down at him. “What do you mean, which one? I told you which one!” he snarled, suddenly enraged.

Severus’ heart caught in his throat and fear seized him as he started shaking. Had master told him which book? Had he? And he just hadn’t been paying attention? Grindelwald! He was a disgrace! No wonder master was angry.

“I’m sorry, master!” he whispered, horrified with himself.

The Dark Lord pushed himself out of his chair and wiped out his wand and suddenly, Severus found himself flying through the air and slamming into the stone wall, his head painfully smashing into it as he crashed to the floor in a heap.

Immediately, he crawled forward on his hands and knees towards his master, tears streaming down his face at his severe disappointment in himself. His shaking hands reached out to touch the hem of his master’s robe, but he found himself flying through the air again and slamming into the wall.

“You dare think you may touch your master unless you were given permission to do so?” The Dark Lord screamed.

Severus curled up in a ball, sobbing hysterically, a part of him scared and another part of him hating himself for having been so bad.

“I’m sorry, master,” he sobbed, ashamed of his stupidity and arrogance. How dare he not pay attention when master was speaking and how dare he think he was allowed to touch master whenever he pleased?

As he lay there, crying and mumbling apologies, he heard the doors quietly swishing open and two figures walked over to him.

“Get him out of my sight and tell Macnair to teach him a valuable lesson! I don’t want to see him until morning!” His master snarled.

Then he spun around and marched into his bedroom, yelling for Bella to get on the bed and slamming the door behind him.

Severus sobbed harder, stretching a pitiful hand towards the bedroom door. He wanted master! Why didn’t master want him anymore?

The two figures laughed at him and whispered insults at him, but Severus ignored them as he huddled on the floor, crying. Master was upset with him! He had upset master.

The two of them reached down and dragged him to his feet and out of the room and down the long corridors towards the dungeons. Severus was hardly aware of where they were taking him, sobbing and feeling an enormous emptiness inside of himself. He wanted master!

He was hardly aware of the two pairs of hands conjuring up chains and hanging him from the ceiling, his feet dangling above the floor and those same hands tearing his robe off him. He kept sobbing, tears streaming down his face as he hated himself.

He barely heard some whispered conversations behind his back and the sound of someone taking their cloak off and loosening up the muscles in their arms before suddenly, he heard a loud, sharp crack behind him. The sound startled him badly enough to make him stop crying for a moment and tense silence clutched him, before suddenly, he heard something whistling through the air and his back was suddenly lit on fire.

He screamed from the surprise but then quickly shut his mouth and pressed his lips together. He was getting a lashing. He knew one of Macnair’s favourite punishments was lashing, since Bella explained it gave him a good workout and he could control exactly how much pain his little toys felt.

Over and over again, the whip cracked over his back and a raging fire of pain and blood streamed down his back. Severus squeezed his eyes shut, screaming mentally and shaking so badly from the pain that he thought he would break the chains.

When it was finally over, he hung there, limp and so consumed with pain that he hardly heard his ragged breathing and felt the tears streaming down his face. His body kept twitching involuntarily, trying to ease the burning pain in his back.

Suddenly, he felt himself sinking to the ground as the chains around his wrists lengthened. He felt his feet touching the ground and he tried to stand but his feet wouldn’t hold him up and he collapsed onto his knees.

He felt a cold hand lifting his chin up and he raised his head to stare up at Macnair, who was sweating and licking his lips.

“So, the little slut made our master angry, huh?”

Severus grit his teeth and tried to glare up at him, but the glare melted and he started sobbing again as he remembered how he had upset master and how ashamed he was of himself. Trembling from the pain, he sobbed, not hearing Macnair’s laughter and the vicious taunts his assistants clustering around the room were hissing at him.

“Oh, that upset the little slut, didn’t it? Oh, well. Master wants nothing to do with you until morning, so we figured we can keep you entertained. Get your mind off your problems, huh?” Low, jeering laughter reached his ears but he hardly heard them.

He had upset master! How dare he still be alive? He should be dead!

He kept crying, thinking about master and wanting nothing more than to be with him. These thoughts consumed him and he was hardly aware of hands ripping his mask off and fingers twisting in his hair and prying his mouth open and his legs being kicked apart from behind him and low laughter and panting gasps drifting around him.

He didn’t care about what they were doing and didn’t hear them muttering cleaning charms at him and Macnair’s hissed insistence that they leave ‘no evidence’. He didn’t care about any of it.

He had upset master and he deserved whatever they wanted to do to him.

 

*             *             *

 

Hours later, he lay on his bed, his body screaming with pain as his elf muttered healing charms at him and gently tried to heal his torn, bleeding back and throat. Macnair had made sure to remove everything except for the blood from his body, but had left most of the wounds open and raw, reasoning with an amused laugh that he always had these wounds anyway and master wouldn’t notice if they were a bit fresher.

He lay there, fists clenched in his bedsheets, his face pressed into his pillow. His body twitched and shuddered from pain from time to time and a low hiss escaped him, but other than that, he lay silently. His elf was as gentle as he could be, but using excessive healing charms on his young master would cause more trouble than it was worth in the long run. Nobody in the manner was a certified medi-witch or wizard and people were expected to heal their own wounds. The Dark Lord wouldn’t be pleased to discover that there was a trained medi-elf living in his manor.

He muttered reassurances in quiet Elfish and cleaned his young master up the best he could. Sad memories long buried flooded the old elf’s mind as he remembered the many other times he had healed his young master while the young wizard lay on his bed, silent and unmoving.

Severus lay there, hardly hearing his elf’s quiet mutterings. His mind was still reeling from his shame. He didn’t care about the pain his body was feeling, all he cared about was distancing himself from this awful shame clutching his insides.

His elf’s normally soothing voice was starting to grate on his nerves. He didn’t want the old fool healing his wounds and trying to make him feel better. He couldn’t make him feel better. Only master’s forgiveness could do that. But master wasn’t here.

But something else was.

An idea started slowly forming in his mind. Memories of bliss and laughter filled his mind and a crooked smile flickered across his face. If he couldn’t make this shame and guilt go away, then he’d make his body go away. Or at least, distance himself from it.

That way, he could leave the pain and his shame behind.

The smile widened.

“Gorgon?” He whispered, his throat still aching from being rubbed raw and screaming.

His elf immediately appeared beside him. “Yes, young master?”

He licked his dry lips and forced any pain out of his eyes. He had to appear convincing. “I’m feeling much better now but I’m tired. I think I want to sleep a while.”

His elf frowned slightly and glanced him over. “Is young master sure? Back is still looking ugly. Gorgy needs to do more work—”

Severus shook his head, nearly grimacing from the pain the simple motion caused but catching himself in time. “It’s alright, elf. I’d rather sleep for a while.”

His elf gave him a long look before gently stroking his cheek and snapping his fingers at the nearby torches and extinguishing them.

Then the old elf gently covered his young master’s lower half with a blanket and cast a surgical shield around his back to keep any bacteria or other infectious agents out of the wounds. Then he gently whispered for Severus to sleep well and wake him if anything happened. Severus smiled and yawned rather convincingly.

Then his elf went to the end of the bed and curled up in his own blanket and was soon fast asleep.

Severus waited for about an hour, trying to keep his breathing quiet and calm but it always hitched with excitement when he thought about how free he would feel in a few minutes. He forced himself to wait until he was sure his elf was fast asleep.

Then he pointed his finger at his desk drawer and quietly whispered for it to slide open and summoned a green quill to himself.

Clutching it and laying it beside himself on the pillow, he frowned in concentration and quietly transfigured it back into its original form, and soon, a tiny white bag lay beside him which he hadn’t touched in months. He didn’t really know why he had hung onto it for his long, but was now so glad he had.

Severus grinned at his own success and then quickly glanced down at the slumbering form of his elf. That spark of excitement grew within him and he gently poured out a small amount of the green crystals. Without hesitation, he ground them up and then quickly swallowed the flames.

Biting his lips and squeezing his eyes shut, his breath hitched from the slight burn as the flames slid down his throat, but it felt better than it had the first time he had done this.

Calmly, he waited until he felt that warmness spreading through his body and then he slowly opened his eyes.

Everything was green. A content smile flickered across his face as he watched his fingers playing with the little white bag and transfiguring it back into a quill and quietly sending it back into his desk.

Then he let himself sink back into his green pillow, closing his eyes and drifting off in bliss as his mind came alive with beautiful images of master being nice to him and forgiving him again and being allowed to play games with him and please him. As he lay there, he let his mind wander and left his pain and shame riddled body far behind, leaving it lying on the small bed on which an old, oblivious elf quietly slept.

 

**January 19 th, 1979**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Severus nervously fiddled with his wand and tugged his mask on straight, trying to ignore the murmurs of excitement around him. Bella stood beside him, absentmindedly scratching at her collar and staring around.

Master was sitting on a large chair on a raised platform on the far side of the large chamber and was currently in deep conversation with Nagini, who lay at his feet and was hissing something.

Training days always seemed to drag on forever. Once a week, master would summon all of his children—excluding those on current assignments or those too ill to attend—and they would have dueling practice. Master would either have one of the masters arrange pairs or just have everyone fighting their partners. Although Severus had been to countless practices in the past months, he never knew exactly what to expect, except for who his dueling partner would be—which was always posted a few days in advance. Master would either have partners fighting each other or have two or three pairs against each other, or he would even have people randomly joining one side or the other in the middle of the duel, increasing the level of difficulty for the opposing side. And always, there was only one rule; the killing curse was not allowed to be used in any manner.

Other than that, everything else was allowed. Sometimes they had to fight wandless, or have one arm tied behind their backs or have one partner with a wand and the other without. Any curse, hex, spell or physical attack was allowed. Master would call the two of them forward and then randomly tell them when to start since only spineless Aurors politely counted from one to three, as if in real life anybody would ever bow nicely and stand there and count before trying to kill you. Master was very firm in preparing them all to the best of their abilities and to make them the best they could possibly be. The two duelists would fight each other continuously until Nagini lifted her head, at which time, master would immediately freeze the two opponents. Whichever opponent was still standing would be the winner and whoever was on the floor or unconscious would be dragged off for a lashing. The number of lashes depended on what curse the loser had failed to duck or deflect and how badly they had lost. Sometimes the duels could last for hours if Nagini fell asleep, and sometimes they were only seconds long if the snake decided she had had enough of the two opponents. Her timing was entirely arbitrary and Severus never knew if she actually made up her mind about when to end the duel when it began or if she simply choose a random moment. She watched the duels with as much attentiveness as Master and they often argued with each other over how many lashes the loser deserved.

Severus grimaced slightly as he gently rubbed his left forearm. The skin around the mark was still sore from last night. One of the masters had dragged three stunned mudbloods into master’s chamber and master had eagerly used them to play a new game with him and Bella. He ennervated the mudbloods and then put them under the imperius curse and had given them vials of aphrodisiacs to drink. Then he had tied Bella and Severus to the bed and given the mudbloods various instructions on what to do with them. Master had enjoyed the game tremendously but Severus was sore as hell. His elf had done his best to clean and heal both him and Bella, but Severus still shuddered at the thought of losing today and having to endure a lashing. His entire body was sore and even standing required too much concentration. He gingerly rubbed at his raw wrist again and checked his mark. The skin around it was still red and sore, but the mark itself was tingling from the heightened energy and dark magic permeating the chamber.

The mark played an essential role in dueling since it could be used as a deflector for any spell which was thrown at it.

Bella glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.

“ _You alright, Sevvie_?”

He shrugged slightly. “ _Sure. Just not looking forward to a lashing_.”

She was quiet for a long moment, staring at a spot on the wall. “ _Alright, Sevvie. Listen close_.”

He raised his eyebrows, glad they were hidden by the mask on his face. Whenever Bella sounded serious and rational like this, he knew it had to be something important.

“ _We go out there and fight like crazy and right when ‘Gini lifts her head, you fire anything at me and I’ll fall_.”

He stared at her. That was cheating. Bella was willing to cheat. For him.

“ _Bella_ —”

But she had already turned off their link in preparation for the duel, as master demanded of them.

Moments later, a master stepped forward and called their names. Forcing his sore legs forward, Severus’ mind was still reeling. Bella was willing to cheat. For him.

They moved into the center of the room and stood about ten meters apart, facing each other. The master swept up to them both and took both their wands and gloves. Alright, they were fighting wandless.

Severus stretched his fingers and wrists, grimacing at their soreness as he pushed his hood off. He rotated his stiff neck and shoulders, hoping that he wouldn’t pass out before it was over.

He wearily eyed Bella as she stretched out her own fingers and conjured up a hair band and tied her hair back.

He took a deep breath, steeling himself for what was to come. Absolute silence filled the chamber as everyone waited, tense and eager.

Master sat there, smiling at them both with pride before chuckling at something Nagini hissed up at him. Suddenly, he stopped chuckling.

“Begin.”

Immediately, Bella threw a spell at him and Severus yanked his left arm up and felt the slight burn as the mark deflected it. Using those precious seconds, he used his other hand to conjure up a fireball, which he threw back at her. She levitated herself up and it soared underneath her feet, slamming into the wall.

She retaliated immediately by throwing a disintegration hex at him, aimed at his legs. He levitated himself up, flipped himself over and stretched his arm out to meet it and deflected it back to her. As he turned himself back around and readied another spell, he heard her scream as her own hex hit her in the shoulder, smashing the bone. She wavered for a moment but stayed on her feet.

Snarling at him, she threw a long stream of fire at him, which lit the hem of his robes on fire. Quickly extinguishing them, he threw a Jelly Legs Jinx at her. She deflected it with her mark and he quickly levitated himself up to the ceiling to avoid it. He threw another curse at her which she ducked. He propelled his arms around and tried to get to her broken shoulder’s side where he could have a better opening. She spun with him, following his floating form with her eyes. Then she conjured up ropes, threw them at him and caught his legs. With a sharp pull, she yanked him back onto the ground. He slammed into the floor with a small cry and her triumphant laugh ringing in his ears. He quickly pushed himself up, as always, knowing it was more important to stay on his feet than retaliate. She readied another curse but before she could throw it at him, he conjured up a fire ring and sent it hurling towards her. She ducked to avoid it and he threw a disintegration charm at one of her ankles. With a scream, she crashed onto the ground, but was up almost immediately. She narrowed her eyes at him and threw a cruciatus at him. He ducked, but it grazed his side and he momentarily couldn’t breath from the pain radiating up his side. He crashed onto the floor but forced his shaking, pain raked body back up and threw another hex at her.

They continued like that, viciously attacking each other until suddenly, he caught her glancing at the raised platform. Quickly, he threw a scorching hex in her face. She could have easily ducked it but instead, she reeled backwards and stumbled and fell to the floor. As she was falling, Severus quickly made up his mind. He wouldn’t let her do this alone. She could have ducked it easily.

Making up his mind, he uttered a pain filled cry, clutched his side as if tremors from the cruciatus were clutching him—which was entirely plausible and happened all the time—and fell to the floor, arms wildly waving through the air.

Not even a moment later, Nagini’s head was raised all the way up and master froze them both.

Severus lay there, gasping, feeling blood coming up his throat from broken ribs—probably from Bella yanking him down from the air—and his body still shaking from adrenaline and pain.

He heard Bella’s pain raked gasps drifting over to him and he wondered what she was thinking now.

Master was in deep conversation with Nagini and he sounded thoroughly displeased but Nagini continued hissing. Severus knew what was wrong. Technically, him and Bella had tied and would have to both share the lashes, but that meant neither of them could play games with him tonight. A moment’s worth of regret flooded him. He had forgotten all about that! But then he remembered Bella.

What had she said to him months ago? _“Just remember that we’re partners. We go into this together and we come out of this together.”_

And she had been right. He wouldn’t let her suffer alone, especially if it was just to save his hide. They would stick together, no matter what happened.

Finally, master stood up, frowning and angry. “Well, it appears we have a tie,” he pronounced the last word as if it scalded his tongue. “Bella, you failed to duck a scorching hex—a juvenile mistake, and Severus, you allowed yourself to be overcome by pain. Neither of these mistakes are acceptable. I expect much better in the future. Twenty lashes for Bella and ten for Severus. Since you tied, you will share the punishment as you have shared your humiliating performance. Fifteen each.”

Severus briefly closed his eyes behind his mask. It could have been much worse. If Bella wouldn’t have gone easy on him and allowed them to tie, he could have easily collapsed from a simple, stupid spell and have fifty lashes. Fifteen wasn’t so bad.

He felt arms lifting him up and he glimpsed Bella being hauled up as well before they were dragged down into Macnair’s dungeons, where his assistants eagerly waited, gloves and whips and chains ready.

As his sore arms were wrenched upwards and the chains clasped around his wrists, he heard Bella turning their link back on.

“ _You stupid moron! Now master won’t have anybody to play with tonight and you’ll probably pass out until next week! Why the hell did you fall_?”

“ _The crucia_ —”

“ _Don’t feed me that hogwash about the cruciatus! I know you, Sevvie! You did this for both of us, but why_?”

He smiled thinly as he felt his robe being torn off his back.

“ _Somebody once told me that we’re partners and that we go into this together and we go out of it together_. _And that applies double to bondmates_.”

For a moment, she was silent and then she laughed. “ _Sevvie, you’re so funny_ ,” she laughed.

She kept laughing, even as the whip started cracking across their backs and fire and pain seemed to light up on the abused skin. As Severus’ mind flooded with half darkness and pain, he kept hearing her deranged laughter in his mind, and for some reason, he knew that was the only thing still keeping him sane.

 

**Jan. 20 th, 1979**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Severus lay face down on his bed, not wanting to ever move again. Every part of his body hurt, even if he lay perfectly still. He turned his head a tiny bit and spied Bella sleeping next to him, sprawled out, the disinfection shield his elf had erected over both of them still shimmering above her.

He took a deep breath, relieved when he felt almost no pain. His elf had fixed up his broken ribs and his torn up back and the injuries he had sustained from the mudbloods games. Beside him, Bella’s face looked peaceful as she slept, her hair a messy ball from still being caught in the hairtie. His elf had fixed her broken shoulder and ankle and had done his best to heal her other injuries as well.

She yawned and slowly opened her eyes and blinked at him. “Hey, Sevvie,” she croaked, her throat as raw from screaming as his own.

He smiled at her. “Hey.”

He felt someone shifting down by his feet. Immediately, he felt the bed shifting and then his elf was there, muttering to himself and checking on their healed wounds and the shield.

“Miss Bella and young master must lie still for a few more hours or tear wounds open again and backs will be ugly,” he mumbled, gently stroking Severus’ cheek and pushing strands of hair off Bella’s forehead.

Severus smiled. “Thank you, Gorgon.”

“Now, Gorgy must go down to kitchen and see if more healing salve is available.”

With a small pop, his elf disapparated to go and see if the secret and thriving blackmarket of Elven goods would benefit him again. The elves who lived in the manor were either deranged sex objects, dragging themselves around or they had followed their masters to the manor and did what they could, arranging for medical supplies and extra food to be secretly brought around the manor to help their masters.

They lay there quietly, trying not to move as they stared at nothing. Suddenly, Bella started crying, quietly sobbing.

Severus frowned. “What?”

She sniffed and stared at him, eyes filled with tears. “I miss master,” she whispered, tears streaming down her face.

The familiar ache flared within him and he bit his lip to keep from crying too. Master was disappointed with both of them for their humiliating duel yesterday and he probably wouldn’t want to see them tonight. “I know. But we’ll see him soon,” he whispered.

She nodded but kept crying quietly. Severus reached out and gently wiped the tears off her cheeks with a finger.

She cried for a while longer before suddenly, she smiled. “Sevvie, I have an idea,” she whispered, staring at him with wide eyes.

He frowned. “What?”

“We have our secret, remember?”

It took him a moment to remember what she was talking about. A shudder ran through him.

“Bella, we can’t. Gorgon will be back any minute.”

She smiled. “We can delay him. I’ll send an elf down to the kitchen to argue with him.”

Severus bit his lip. He didn’t want to go behind his elf’s back again, but he had to admit that the thought of the little crystals filled him with excitement. He wouldn’t feel his aching body anymore and this painful longing for master within him would be dulled too.

He stared at her for a long moment, knowing he should say no, but hating himself for not wanting to.

Finally, he nodded. Bella smiled and quickly snapped her fingers. Immediately, an elf apparated beside their bed. “Go down to the kitchen and get some healing salve,” she said, knowing that Gorgon wouldn’t part with it at any cost.

As soon as the elf was gone, Severus coaxed his drawer open and summoned the little green quill to himself. Transfiguring it, he held the small white bag in his hand. Excitement filled him and he trembled slightly. Soon, all the pain and misery would be gone.

They poured out small amounts into their palms, quickly ground them together and swallowed them, grimacing from the burn.

Then they opened their eyes and stared at each other, their world having gone green. Bella giggled happily and stared at the far wall and Severus giggled too, feeling his body being left far behind as his mind reeled off into wonderful places free of pain and his eternal longing for master, and any possible regrets he could be feeling. He didn’t care what anybody else said. Hell’s Breath was wonderful and he didn’t want to imagine not having it when he wanted it.

 

**Mar. 2 nd, 1979**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Severus quietly lay in bed, a content smile on his face as he gazed up at his green ceiling. Everything was wonderful. Master was happy and had even rewarded him and Bella with little pieces of chocolate—a luxury they rarely got since it might make them fat, as master always said—and had crooned that he loved them so much and they made him so happy. He had gone back to his room content and sighing happily and had curled up in bed with his elf and read together.

But as he was reading, Severus noticed that the smallest, stupidest things were irritating him for no reason. His elf not turning the page fast enough made him snap at him and when Severus had accidently skipped a page, he grit his teeth and swore at himself. His elf had decided that he was tired and that he should get a good nights rest and had carefully tucked him in, but Severus’ irritation had remained. He had lain there, staring up at his ceiling, chewing on his lower lip and sighing in frustration. He felt antsy and he had no idea why. He swore at himself again. It had been such a perfect day and now it was about to be ruined.

He twisted and turned in bed, mulling over what could make him feel better.

The answer came to him much faster than he had thought it would.

Smiling, he quietly summoned the green quill to himself and transfigured it into the small white bag. Licking his lips and glancing down at his elf to make sure he was still snoring, he opened it and tilted it over his hand.

Nothing came out.

Frowning, he shook the little bag and when still nothing came out, panic clutched him. Why was it empty? He had been so careful to only use small amounts! How could it already be gone?

He quickly thought over how much he had been using. He had long ago come to the conclusion that he felt much better when his body hurt or his mind missed master when he used the sparkling green crystals. And sometimes he had been bored when his elf was busy and Bella was off amusing herself somewhere. Not having anything else to do at the moment, he’d use tiny amounts and amuse himself for a few hours, dancing and laughing around his room. And of course, he used them when he had to. He still couldn’t understand why his stomach twisted and he felt ill whenever he had to test one of his potions on some stupid human being or master had made him or Bella have sex with some stunned muggles as part of one of his games. Bella never had any qualms about any of it and Severus despised himself for this weakness and was relieved to find that the crystals helped him perform these activities with the enthusiasm master demanded. If master had anything against him using the crystals, he never mentioned it. Of course Severus wouldn’t use them if master didn’t want him to, but as long as they helped him serve master better and helped him feel better, there was nothing wrong with using them.

Taking a deep breath, he cursed in quiet Elfish. How could he already be out? He was tired and needed to sleep and this irritation wouldn’t leave him until he had had some crystals.

Staring at his ceiling and mulling it over, he finally came to a conclusion. Pushing his covers off himself, he tried to get up as quietly as possible, but his elf stirred and opened one eye.

“Where young master going?”

Severus thought quickly. He hated lying to his elf but he didn’t feel like listening to his elf’s tirade tonight. The less his elf knew about the crystals, the better. He just wouldn’t understand.

“I have to go to the loo. I’ll be right back,” he whispered back.

His elf nodded. “Young master wanting Gorgy to go with him?”

Severus quickly shook his head. Realizing that he might be acting a bit too abrupt, he smiled slightly. “It’s alright. I’ll be fine.”

His elf nodded. “Gorgy will wait until young master back.”

Severus grit his teeth. Damn, the old fool was being annoying. He carefully kept the smile on his face.

“No, it’s alright. Go back to sleep. I’ll be fine.”

Gorgon gave him a long look, but then nodded and mumbled that Severus should call him as soon as he needed him. Then the old elf rolled over and went back to sleep.

Rolling his eyes at the stupid fool, Severus stepped into his slippers and quietly went to the door.

He shuffled down to Bella’s door and quietly knocked on it. “ _Bella_?”

He heard her sleepily opening their link when she heard his mental call. “ _Uh huh_?”

He pushed open the door and padded to her bed. She sleepily sat up and pushed her hair behind her ears, squinting up at him. “You alright, Sevvie?” she whispered.

He nodded and bit his lip, not knowing how to ask what he wanted to. What if she said no? Or worse, what if she didn’t have any?

“Uhm, I just wanted to ask if you had any more, uhm, Hell’s Breath.”

She frowned and tilted her head at him. “Why, Sevvie? The bag I gave you should have been plenty for a few months.”

He thought quickly. “Uhm, I spilled some of it by accident. And, uhm, master wants me to play with one of the muggles tomorrow and—” His voice tapered off, but she was already nodding and pushing the covers off herself.

“Of course, Sevvie. You have to please master. I understand. It’s the most important thing.” She said, nodding to herself and waggling a finger at him.

She padded across the floor and rummaged around in her desk until she found a small jar. Turning around, she smiled at him and stared at him with huge eyes. “Now, Sevvie, you must be careful with this. I’m getting bored with it and I’m going to try something else so I won’t have anymore after this.”

His heart fell at those words and a moment of panic threatened to seize him, but he smiled at her, taking the little jar, his hands trembling slightly from excitement.

“That’s alright, Bella. I don’t think I’ll be needing any more after this.”

She laughed softly and shook her head. “Oh, Sevvie. You’re so funny.” She giggled again before going back to her bed, leaving him standing there.

He wanted to ask what on earth was so humorous about him, but decided that didn’t matter. What mattered was that he had some crystals.

Quietly going into the corridor, he shut her door behind him and quickly opened the small jar. Taking out a small amount of the crystals, he crushed them and swallowed the flames. Keeping his eyes open, he felt the warmth slowly filling him and his vision slowly going green.

Smiling contently and feeling his irritation fading away, he hid the jar in his robes and went back to his room.

He carefully transfigured the jar into a green quill and hid it in his desk. Keeping a casual hand before his eyes to shield the green glow from his elf—if the old fool was still awake,—he crept into bed and sighed softly, staring up at his green ceiling, thinking over what a wonderful day it had been.

 

**Mar. 17 th, 1979**

**Ministry of Magic**

 

Lily sighed softly as she listened to the automated voice droning out what level they had reached. Why the Auror headquarters couldn’t be located on the ground floor was beyond her.

The elevator came to a stop again and the doors opened and a group of fluttering owls swarmed into the lift while somebody tried to enter the elevator at the same time and screeched and madly waved her arms around as she tried to bat them away.

Lily burst out laughing and reached out and hauled the blond witch into the lift.

“You’ll never win, Alice so you might as well stop trying.”

Alice Cunningham took a deep breath and straightened her long blue Auror robes. “They’ll drive me mad one day, you just wait,” she breathed, glaring up at the softly hooting owls who sat on perches above their heads.

Lily laughed again and shifted the enormous pile of papers in her arms. Alice grimaced and nodded her chin at the pile.

“Who’s the paperwork for?”

“Moody. Who else? Nobody else wants everything in duplicate and even the tiniest little detail recorded. Constant viligence, my arse,” she muttered softly, earning a few disapproving glances from the other occupants in the lift. “I’m telling you, while we sit here and write out what color a suspicious wizard’s robes were, Death Eaters are busy swarming all over England.”

Alice sighed. “True, but you know we can’t really do anything to anticipate and prevent their attacks. All we can do is keep our eyes on potentials and stop them before they join You-Know-Who.”

A lump lodged in Lily’s throat the word ‘potentials’. Staring straight ahead at the lift doors, she tried to swallow it. “Sometimes keeping our eyes on them isn’t enough. If all we do is stare at their smiles and reassure ourselves that they’re alright because their smiles look sincere, it doesn’t do shit. It’s what’s underneath those smiles that matter.”

Alice raised her eyebrows. “Aren’t we a happy one this morning, huh?”

Lily sighed, forcing those thoughts out of her mind before they could consume her. She couldn’t think about Sev now. Now was not the time.

Finally, the lift reached their level and the doors opened with a quiet ping. Lily shouldered her way out and into the busy, disorganized mess which was the permanent state of the Auror headquarters.

People in blue robes hurried around, talking and laughing, sipping their morning coffee and sending papers flying all around the room, yelling and gesturing until the papers reached their correct destination.

A small, terse witch hurried up to Lily and Alice as they tried to navigate through the throng, nodding greetings and ducking papers along the way.

The witch smiled in greeting to both of them. “Good morning, Miss Cunningham, Miss Evan—I mean, Mrs. Potter. Sorry.”

Lily laughed. “Don’t worry about it, Mrs. Vance. I’m not use to the name yet either. I’m used to hollering it across a room but responding to it when people are yelling it at me, I don’t think so. Give me another month of marriage and I might start realizing that it’s my name. If it lasts that long,” she laughed, winking.

Alice rolled her eyes and Mrs. Vance smiled, but immediately returned to the business at hand. “Mr. Moody is currently out and about but he says to leave the reports on his desk and to ward them properly.”

Lily rolled her eyes and exchanged an amused smile with Alice. Then she turned her attention back to the short woman. Her size and friendly smile were incredibly deceiving when people got to know her. Emmaline Vance had been the Auror’s chief secretary for years, keeping track of everyone at all times and ensuring papers got written up and put away properly and making sure things ran as smoothly as possible in a department where people spent a majority of their time madly racing after shadows, not knowing where they were really going but giving it their best shot.

“And Headmaster Dumbledore is waiting in Mr. Moody’s office. He says he’d like to have a word with you, Miss Ev—Mrs. Potter. He says it’s rather urgent.”

At those words, Lily’s eyes flared up with fear and her breath caught. But after a moment, her training took over and she smiled and nodded. Tightening her grip on her papers, she quickly hurried towards her boss’s office, fear making her heart pound in sync with her hurried steps.

Reaching the door, she was relieved to find that the many wards Alastor kept on his office door had been lifted. Moody would have a heart attack, but this meant the headmaster was already inside and waiting for her.

Quietly pushing open the door, she stepped inside, hands digging into the paper so hard she was afraid to crease them.

The headmaster was standing next to one of the enchanted windows, staring outside, his purple robes shimmering in the faint light of the office.

He turned around as soon as he heard the door opening and he smiled, his eyes twinkling.

“Ah, Lily, there you are, my dear.”

She nodded, biting her lip and trying hard not to tremble with fear. Slowly, she walked up to the desk and dropped her bundle on it.

He frowned slightly at her, the twinkling blue eyes behind the spectacles dimming somewhat.

“Are you alright, my dear?”

She stared at him, eyes flooded with fear. “You-you said it was urgent,” she stammered, hating that she was sounding like a scared first year.

He nodded. “Very well. Straight to business then.” He sat down in Alastor’s chair and gestured for her to sit down. His eyes grew serious as he waved at the door and shut it and raised a silencing ward around the room.

Her eyes widened even more. It had finally happened. She was sure. After all, what else would be important enough for the headmaster to demand to see her this suddenly and be so secretive?

Her hands clutched the desk before her and her fingers dug into the old wood. She licked her dry lips, trying to make her voice work. “Is this about Sev, headmaster?” she whispered, not wanting to hear the answer.

For a moment, a look of such pain flickered across the headmaster’s face that she regretted having mentioned it, but she needed to know. Those kind eyes lost their twinkle and their gaze dropped to the desk before him in silence.

Lily held her breath, waiting for the worst. Please no, please no, please—

Finally, the headmaster raised his eyes and slowly shook her head. His hands trembled slightly—as they always did when they brought up any mention of her best friend—but he twisted them together and hid them in his lap.

“No, my dear.”

Relief flooded her and she lowered her head, closing her eyes. “Oh, thank Merlin. I was expecting the worst when you called me in here. I haven’t seen his name on any prisoner lists from Azkaban so the only other option was that he was killed somewhere,” she whispered, knowing that nobody could hear them but her voice not being strong enough.

The headmaster took a deep, shaky breath. “We don’t know if he’s alive, Lily, you know that. We’ll probably never know, but we can hope.”

She nodded. It wasn’t often that the headmaster or her brought up any mention of Severus, since the issue still hurt them terribly, but whenever new lists of recently caught Death Eaters or dark supporters surfaced, Lily grasped them and frantically searched them, praying and hoping that she wouldn’t find his name on them. Worse were the lists of the dead after battles. True, some bodies were not identified right away, but the headmaster always wrangled and argued with ministry officials until they had positively identified the body, none of them ever understanding why the old headmaster cared so much.

They both sat silently, lost in thought, Lily still shaking silently from relief. She didn’t know where her best friend was or what he was doing, but as long as he was alive, there was that tiny bit of hope that he’d come back. She had never mentioned this to the headmaster, knowing that the old man prayed every night for the same thing, but they never dared put it into words, lest life stomp their dream and hope into the ground and let them find his name on one of the lists the next day.

Finally, Lily forced Sev out of her mind and she looked up at the headmaster. “So if that wasn’t why you wanted to see me, then may I ask what is so urgent?”

The headmaster still stared at the desk, lost in thought, his eyes haunted and sad. Lily shifted uncomfortably, always feeling close to tears when the old man got lost in his own thoughts and regrets like this. The headmaster had loved Severus like a father loved his own child, and he probably always would. True, Lily still felt a bit of anger towards him for not having seen the signs of Sev’s depression and his downward spiral, but she knew that love blinded people to even the darkest shadows. If someone wanted to see light somewhere, their mind created that light even in the darkest corners where all light had long ago extinguished.

She cleared her throat and leaned forward a bit more. “Headmaster?”

Still nothing. She reached out and gently touched his arm. “Headmaster?”

He came back to himself with a small jerk and stared at her for a moment as if he had forgotten why she was here. Then he smiled wryly. “My apologies. My mind was wandering.” He cleared his throat and steepled his fingers. “What I came to discuss with you is of quite importance, Mrs. Potter. It is also something that will require the upmost discretion.”

She frowned and leaned forward, intrigued. “Are you sure you wouldn’t want to discuss this with Mr. Moody?”

He smiled. “I already have, quite a few years ago. In fact, he had volunteered to have this conversation with you, but he was extremely busy today and I happened to have a few spare hours.”

She leaned forward in her chair, impatience gnawing at her.

He took a moment to study her intently with narrowed eyes before he cleared his throat.

“Well, there are many ways of gently leading up to this and beating around the tree—”

“Bush, headmaster,” Lily quietly corrected out of habit. James had the unfortunate tendency to use muggle idioms—incorrectly—all the time as well.

“Bush, that’s right, pardon me. Anyway, quite a few years ago, I’ve started realizing that we’re a bit outnumbered in this war. Man power wise and intelligence wise. Lord Voldemort—”

Lily barely reacted to hearing the name. She knew James would be cringing and gasping for breath at this point, but she was a muggle born and hadn’t grown up hearing ‘You-Know-Who’ being muttered everywhere, and besides, she’d never seen the point at being afraid of a name. Like the headmaster had told her a few months ago, the fear of a name only enhanced the fear of the thing itself, and there was no way Lily was going to let that monster scare her.

“—has many people working around the clock at recruiting him new followers and his promises of power and glory outweigh any promises we can make. The fact that he has spies eagerly feeding him information from under our noses doesn’t help matters either. So, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Now, I know and understand the Aurors are doing everything you possibly can and I would never belittle or ignore the work you do, but—”

“It doesn’t do shit in some cases,” Lily put in. The headmaster looked like he was trying very hard to suppress a smirk, but then carried on.

“If that’s the way you want to put it, by all means, Mrs. Potter. So I started gathering some close friends a few years back and we decided to fight Lord Voldemort on our own.”

Lily’s eyebrows shot up. “By yourselves?”

“I don’t mean to conjure up an image of glorious heroes here, Lily. We do what we can and I’m sure the Aurors would be doing the same things we were doing, if bureaucracy wouldn’t stand in your way all the time.”

Lily nodded. “What sort of things do you do?”

“Most of our members are Aurors so we do assist in nearly all battles you have fought. Nobody ever turns away a spare hand and wand so nobody ever questions where some Aurors have found their talented friends, who happened to have spare time whenever there is a fight to be fought. But we also do our best to keep any potential allies out of Lord Voldemort’s clutches.”

“You mean potential dark wizards?”

“Not just wizards, Mrs. Potter. This is one of the ministry’s unfortunate shortcomings. There are many creatures who have been ignored by our kind for so long that when Lord Voldemort offers them even the tiniest bit of power and freedom, they leap at it and join him. The ministry has never seen the need to pull these creatures to our side and I’m afraid it will lead to our downfall. Asides from that, we try our best to stick our noses into situations where the Aurors might not be able to. We set up patrols and have undercover operatives in the strangest of places—places which the ministry has never seen as volatile enough to keep an eye on.”

Lily’s eyes were gleaming with interest. Now this was more like it! People who fought with the very heart of the matter and didn’t let paperwork and regulations stand in their way.

The headmaster smiled at her. “I can tell from your expression that I have piqued your interest somewhat.”

“Somewhat, headmaster? It sounds marvelous! Exactly what I’ve been yelling at Moody—”

“Mr. Moody, Lily.”

“Right, Mr. Moody about for years but he’s always brushed me off.”

Dumbledore smiled again. “Oh, he’s brushed you off verbally, but certainly not in any other sense. It was he who came to me a few months ago and said that you and a few other people in the department might be prime additions to the Order.”

“The Order?” Memories long forgotten resurfaced and suddenly, Lily found herself sitting with Sev in the Three Broomsticks, trying to hear through a warded door and listening to people talking about some order. Suddenly, she remembered seeing Mr. Moody coming out of the room with the headmaster and being introduced to him. She smiled when she realized that she had known her boss for much longer than she had remembered.

The headmaster smiled as if he knew what she was remembering. “Yes, the Order of the Phoenix.”

She smirked. “Fawkes must be swelling with pride.”

Dumbledore chuckled. “Well, to tell you the truth, I couldn’t decide on a name so I just stared around my office and at the end, I had to decide between Order of the Phoenix and Order of the Tea Cup, but then Fawkes made his opinion on the subject quite clear.”

Lily laughed and then grew serious again as she realized that the headmaster probably wasn’t telling her the entire truth. 

The headmaster chuckled a bit too before steepling his fingers together and gazing at her thoughtfully.

Lily was just starting to get uncomfortable with the silence, when he leaned back.

“So, I’ve said my piece and now it’s your turn to go home and think this over. If you decide you’d rather not join, then I’m afraid I’ll have to obliviate you the next time we meet, but it won’t take more than a minute.”

Lily stared. “You want me to join?” she asked, her voice hardly working properly.

Dumbledore nodded and smiled. “I’ve always known you are an extraordinary person, Lily and besides, you came very highly recommended and the Order could use a person like you very much.”

Lily smiled for a moment, but then she frowned. “What about James? I don’t want to do this if I have to hide it from him. I don’t hide anything from him. Well, not anymore anyway.”

Dumbledore smiled. “By all means, tell him all about it. I know James has been helping you with your assignments for months already and I don’t see why we should exclude him from this. And, before you even say it, I know that asking Mr. Potter to join means having to include Mr. Black, Lupin and Pettigrew as well, and by all means, they’re all highly talented young men and they all have ample spare time at the moment, so I don’t see why not.”

Lily bit back the retort that they were unemployed due to sheer laziness and the enormous amount of money her husband had inherited and never minded sharing with the other marauders. Well, Remus really had been trying to find a job for months, but his lycanthropy always stood in his way. He was currently living with her and James, but he helped out around the house and she had always liked him anyway, so it didn’t matter.

What bothered her more was the fact that Black lounged around their house as if he owned a part of it and spent all his time screwing anything which walked and if he could spare a moment, he cleaned his stupid motorcycle for hours on end.

Peter was still living with his parents but he always dropped by, shyly asking if James or Sirius were there and if they weren’t, he’d sit on the doorstep and wait for them. Lily never invited him in since she despised the starry eyed, shy man who still considered her husband and that miserable dog his gods.

James had told Lily long ago that there was no need for her to work since they had enough money, but Lily had made a promise to herself and would keep it.

She wanted to fight the evil which had stolen her best friend from her, and she’d do it, even if she didn’t need the pay cheque which came with it. Her eyes sparked slightly as she realized the order would be giving her the opportunity she had been waiting. The chance to strike hard and fast at the evil which she resented. No worrying about paperwork and regulations. Just hitting them as hard as they had hit her. She knew James would agree. He always helped her with her assignments and he’d join her in this too if she asked him to. He had made a promise to help her with her fight and he wouldn’t back down, even if he longed to just forget about the war and spend his time cleaning his best friend’s motorcycle with him. But he knew that his wife had lost her best friend and that she wouldn’t even stop at hell itself in order to stomp out the darkness which had pulled him in, and because James loved her, he’d help her fight it. And if James was in, Lily knew it would automatically mean the rest of the merry band of lazy idiots would be in too.

She glanced up at the headmaster and gave him a terse nod, her jaw set and her eyes filled with determination. “They’ll do it. All of them. I’m sure of it. We’ll help you.”

The headmaster smiled. “Thank you, Lily. I know you’ll be a great help for us. You have the intelligence, skill and the determination.”

Lily didn’t smile back. “My determination was born the day I lost my best friend to darkness and I’ll be damned if I die without having extinguished it first.”

 

**Mar. 27 th, 1979**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Gorgon quietly adjusted the height of the flame beneath one of the bubbling cauldrons while Severus carefully added some newt eyes to another one. Frowning into it, he realized the color was still slightly off. Rummaging around on the table, he pulled out a bottle of ivy extract and poured in a few drops, stirring constantly until it was the right color. When he put the bottle down, he realized his hands were shaking. He took a deep breath and glanced over at his elf. He wanted some of his crystals, but he couldn’t do it while his elf was there. Cursing under his breath quietly, he grit his teeth and forced himself to think about the potion.

As he stared at it, stirring quietly, he found his mind wandering to his desk again where his precious green quill was hidden. Cursing again, he forced himself to stir more vigorously. He was starting to sweat slightly and his hands were shaking more.

Damn it, why couldn’t his stupid elf be somewhere else?

Leaving the potion to simmer, he put a lid on it and then went to check on a tiny cauldron bubbling in a dark corner of his room.

Lifting the lid, he sniffed it and then nodded. Five more minutes. He wiped a hand over his sweaty forehead. His elf glanced up.

“Young master shouldn’t be leaning over cauldron like that. Make too hot.”

Severus mumbled some reply, wishing that the old fool would go to hell. He was about to snap at him and yell that it wasn’t the steam which was causing him problems, but his elf’s very presence was the only irritating thing standing in his way to bliss and happiness, but he couldn’t say that.

Instead, he stirred the potion and covered it again. He quickly opened his link to Bella.

“ _The potion’s going to be done in a few minutes, Bella. Get over here. You have to drink it when it’s hot, you know that_.”

“ _But I’m busy_ ,” her whining voice filled is head. He rolled his eyes, his irritation flaring.

“ _I don’t give a damn. Get over here and drink it or I’m never making it for you again and you can explain to master that you’ll be busy for the next nine months having somebody’s brat_.” He mentally hissed, his hands trembling even more. Damn it, the world was trying to annoy him today! He needed his crystals. Yes, he needed his crystals. He glanced at his desk again, but his elf was still standing there, carefully monitoring another potion. Damn the stupid idiot!

He heard Bella gasp as she remembered what the consequences of her not drinking the abortion potion would be and he heard her running down the corridor and bursting into his room.

Severus poured out a gobletful of the potion and handed it to her. He jerked his head towards the bed. “Lie down first.”

Bella obediently went and lay down. She was pale but her jaw was set with fierce determination not to show how scared she was.

Severus normally felt sorry for her whenever she had to drink the potion, mostly because of how painful the effects were but also because he knew he didn’t have to worry about this ever happening to him, but right now, he wanted his crystals and he didn’t want to put up with her whining.

He went over to her and shoved the goblet into her hands. “Drink it.”

She took it, her jaw still clenched and her wide eyes staring at the shining goblet. She quickly gulped it down and then lay back, her eyes tightly closed.

She lay there for a moment before her body convulsed and she hissed from pain and clutched the bedsheets.

Severus’ irritation was growing and he kept glancing at his desk. He wanted his crystals, damn it! He fiddled around with the goblet and was about to spin around and start working on something else to keep his hands and mind occupied, but then he felt his elf staring at him disapprovingly.

“Young master made her terrible potion and now must stay with her.”

Severus spun around, glaring at him. “This isn’t my fault, elf! If she weren’t such a filthy slut then this wouldn’t be a problem. Master knows spells that prevent this annoyance from occuring, but the other idiots she screws don’t use them and that isn’t my fault.”

His elf continued staring at him calmly, not effected by the sudden temper his young charge was displaying.

“Young master will sit with her because he is her bondmate and she is needing him.”

Severus glared at his elf and was about to tell him to go to hell, when suddenly, he heard Bella moaning quietly. He glanced down at her and saw her eyes widen and filled with tears as they stared at him from her pale, gaunt face.

“Sevvie, don’t leave me,” she whispered. “I’m scared.”

He grit his teeth and forced himself to swallow his irritation. His elf was right. He couldn’t leave her. She was always there for him when he needed her.

Forcing his trembling hands not to throw the goblet across the room and summon his quill to himself, he slowly sat down on his bed and took one of Bella’s shaking hands into his own. She smiled at him with gratitude before another tremor tore through her body and she clenched her eyes shut, her hand clutching his so hard that he was afraid she’d crush his bones, but the pain distracted him from that burning, irritating need for his precious green crystals. Soon. He just had to wait until Bella fell asleep and then his elf would leave to eat dinner. Then he’d have his crystals.

 

**Apr. 11 th, 1979**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Turning another page in the old book, Severus leaned over to see the words properly before quietly continuing. He was so glad he had taken some crystals before master had summoned them. He couldn’t focus properly or stop his hands from trembling and irritating master when he needed his precious crystals. Master was sitting in his chair above him, listening quietly and playing with Bella’s hair. The only sound in the dark room was Severus’ quiet voice as he carefully read through another page, making sure not to mispronounce anything.

“—and Giselle was never one to miss dismiss a suitor. Her mother had been in frequent discussion with Lady Turner and her son was the proper age to begin courting the young heir of the Mallington Estates. This suited Giselle well since she had always fancied the—”

Suddenly, master hissed and Severus immediately paused in his reading. He heard a wand being pulled out, and suddenly, Severus found himself flying across the floor and crashing into the wall.

“I despise Lady Turner’s son! Timbers is a much more acceptable suitor. How dare you suggest Giselle would want Turner?” Master snarled.

Severus started shaking. If master didn’t like Charles Turner then surely Giselle didn’t either.

“I’m sorry, master, I must have read it wrong,” he whispered, ashamed of himself and nearly in tears. He always made such stupid mistakes!

Master didn’t respond for a moment and continued stroking Bella’s hair. Finally, he sighed.

“I wish my raven could read properly without giggling so much, then I wouldn’t have to put up with my serpent’s stupidity,” he mumbled as Bella smiled up at him, her eyes wide.

Severus remained where he had fallen, sobbing quietly. He was so stupid! Why couldn’t he do anything right?

Finally, he heard master snapping his fingers. Immediately, he crawled across the floor to his master and gratefully kissed the hem of his robes for being allowed near him again.

“Are you sorry you read it wrong, my serpent?”

“Yes, master. It won’t happen again.”

Their master sighed loudly. “This has irritated me grately.” He suddenly pulled up his robes and grabbed Bella’s hair and shoved her face into his lap. Shooting her master another smile and her wide eyes blinking around her, Bella immediately went to work making her master happy.

After a few minutes, master sighed happily and threw Bella across the floor. She remained where she had fallen but shot Severus a small smile, licking her lips.

Then master glanced down at him and gestured for him to continue reading. “And don’t make the same mistake again. I will not be so understanding of your shortcomings again.”

Severus obediently started reading again, automatically substituting Markus Timber’s name every time he came across Charles Turners’. After a few pages, he actually became convinced Charles Turner didn’t exist anymore and Giselle ended up with Markus Timber. He couldn’t help but feel relieved. Imagine if Giselle would have been stubborn and wanted Charles Turner after all. He shook his head quietly. That would have been very stupid. If master wanted her to want Markus, then she wanted Markus.

It was as simple as that.

 

**Apr. 25 th, 1979**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Hands trembling, Severus licked his dry lips and stumbled through the door towards his desk. He needed his crystals. Damn it, he really needed his crystals.

Wiping cold sweat off his forehead, he ignored the way his arms and legs were dully throbbing. His body needed his crystals. Tearing open a drawer, he rummaged through it, looking for his quill.

It wasn’t there. “Damn it,” he swore under his breath, clutching his desk with shaking hands. He’d used up all of them that morning. He remembered that now.

Spinning around, he tried to frantically remember if he had hidden any anywhere else, but then couldn’t think of it. Crystals, crystals, crystals. He needed his crystals.

Who’d have any? Macnair had given him his last batch after the usual payment. And before that, somebody else had but Severus couldn’t remember her name. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he find somebody who had crystals. Macnair had told him a name. A name. Clutching his aching head with trembling hands, he madly tried to remember.

Travers. That’s right.

Rushing out his door, he stumbled down the corridor, trying to remember where Traver’s room was. He was a master. That meant he was close to master’s room. Forcing his shaking legs to move faster, he stumbled up the stairs, nearly crawling when his feet refuse to find the steps properly until he reached the right door.

He was gasping for breath as he tentatively knocked on the door. He heard voices murmuring from within and then one of the called out. “Who is it?”

“It’s—It’s Severus.” He stammered.

Moments later, the door opened and he nearly fell into the room. Travers was sitting at a table with somebody else—Avery maybe, Severus thought he recognized the man’s goatee.

Travers took a sip of a glass sitting before him and cocked an eyebrow at him. “What do you want?”

Severus licked his dry lips, wide eyes staring around the room, anxiously looking for anything green.

“Uhm, Macnair said that—said that—y-you might have some crystals.”

Travers raised his other eyebrow. “I have many crystals, you stupid slut.”

Avery snickered into his glass.

“Which ones were you looking for?”

Severus frowned, twisting his shaking hands together, trying to remember the proper name of his precious crystals. “Uhm, Hell’s Breath, yes. Hell’s Breath.”

Travers nodded. “I might have some,” he said, sounding completely indifferent to the fact. Severus’ eyes lit up and he stared at him with wide eyes, not realizing his jaw had dropped open and he was nearly drooling.

Travers swirled the liquid in his glass casually. “It all depends on what I would be getting for them.”

Severus nodded frantically. Yes, yes, he knew what was expected of him. “Anything you want, sir.”

“Anything?”

Severus nearly screamed at him in frustration. Of course he’d do anything for his crystals!

Travers and Avery exchanged a look before they both smirked. Travers pushed his chair back and spread his legs.

“In that case, stop standing there and get over here already.”

Severus immediately scrambled over, dropped on his knees and with shaking hands pulled up the dark robe.

When he was done, it was Avery’s turn. Then Severus leaned back on his heels, staring up at Travers desperately. Please, please, please—he needed his crystals. He nearly wanted to start crying when Travers took a small sip of his drink and seemed to be thinking something over. Finally, he snapped his fingers and one of his toys came crawling out of an ajoining room, crouching at Travers’ feet, naked and drooling.

Travers smirked down at Severus. “Everybody in the room got something except for my darling one here. He deserves something too, doesn’t he?”

Severus nodded frantically. Yes, yes, yes, of course, of course, of course. Whatever he wanted. He didn’t care. He just wanted his crystals.

He waited while Travers made up his mind and when Travers pointed at the floor, Severus yanked up his robes and lay onto the floor, the cool stones relieving the burning in his head. Feeling sweat streaming down his face, he forced his trembling hands to stay flat against the floor. If he struggled too much then Travers might get upset and not give him anything. Travers’ toy leered at him with wide eyes before scrambling onto him, Travers and Avery’s croaning coaxing him on.

Finally, Severus found himself flung backwards against the door. A small white bag was tossed on the floor beside him and Severus snatched it up, mumbling his gratitude.

Travers laughed before opening the door and waving a dismissive hand at it. “Now get out. My floor is filthy enough without having something like you lying on it.”

Severus clutched his precious package to himself, nearly crushing it and he crawled out of the room, happiness flooding him. He had his crystals! He had his precious crystals!

The door slammed shut behind him and he crouched on the floor, shaking hands tearing open the bag until he caught sight of the glittering green crystals. His breath caught as he stared at them, nearly overcome by how beautiful they were. Taking a small handful, he carefully ground them up and immediately swallowed them.

As his world turned green, the aches in his bones, the tremors from his hands and the sweat on his face all faded. He slumped against the cool wall, sighing happily as his body calmed down and relaxed.

He never even heard the snickering laughter coming from behind the door.

 

**Apr. 30 th, 1979**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Severus carefully adjusted his mask and pulled his gloves on. Taking a deep breath, he checked to make sure he had his wand, his crystals and his little bottle. He’d made up a potion weeks ago which would automatically keep his eye color dark when he had crystals. He had become paranoid about taking his precious crystals when his elf was around. The old fool had started giving him suspicious looks whenever he was happy and in love with life, but he had always believed that master was making his young master happy. But the fluorescent green of his eyes was too hard to hide so Severus had secretly worked out a formula which would keep his eye color normal, thus keeping his old stupid elf in the dark, like he should be kept.

Satisfied that he had everything, he spun around and left his room and walked over to Bella’s. She was just pulling her hood up and she grinned at him.

“We’re going to have so much fun, Sevvie,” She said, wide eyes staring at him.

He smiled and rolled his eyes with exasperation. Mission for their master weren’t meant to be ‘fun’, but if Bella seemed to think they were, then let her.

He followed her out of her room and they walked to the end of one of the corridors where they would meet the other people accompanying them on their mission. Bella was humming to herself and staring at a wall while they waited and Severus drew in a deep breath. He was relaxed, alert and ready. A small shiver of excitement filled him.

A few minutes later, three other masked figures walked up to them and nodded before they all pulled out their wands and apparated to the McKinnon’s home.

Master had originally thought they would take their thestrals, but when one of his espionage assistants had brought him a detailed map of the small town the McKinnon’s lived in, the five of them had memorized the map and visualized it well enough to apparate to the right place.

They apparated into a small clump of bushes directly behind the dark house. Severus wrinkled his nose slightly, never liking the unaccustomed smell of the outdoors after having been in the manor for months at a time.

Severus crouched down beside Bella and she grinned at him as she stared at the house. The other three Death Eaters crouched behind them.

“There aren’t any lights on,” one of them whispered, sounding worried. Severus recognized his voice. Evan Rosier. He had been among the same group of initiates with him and Bella and worked as a defensive spells and curses assistant.

One of the others shifted and snorted. “The lights wouldn’t be on if they were sleeping, now would they, genius?”

Severus immediately recognized Travers’ voice and he flinched slightly, not really understanding why.

“If we could seize our arguing and get on with it,” a nervous voice with a heavy Russian accent whispered between the two of them. That was Karkaroff.

Bella was starting to hum again as she flicked her fingers and lit some of the leaves on fire.

Rosier immediately hissed at her to shut up and Travers reached forward and shoved her over. Severus glared at him and grabbed Bella before she hit the ground.

“Leave her alone,” he muttered, pulling her to his side.

“Shut your mouth, slut.”

Karkaroff cleared his throat. “We should start removing the wards.”

Severus waited until Travers had started creeping towards the house before releasing Bella and following him. Rosier crawled beside them and Karkaroff was behind them, constantly looking over his shoulder.

As they reached the house, all of them automatically rolled up their sleeves and checked their marks. The eyes of the skull were glowing a faint blue, indicating that light magic surrounded them. Severus grimaced slightly, feeling the mark burn slightly with discomfort. He was much happier in the manor where the eyes were a constant deep red and a hum of contentment radiated up his arm at all hours of the day.

Studying the blue color, Severus quickly realized it wasn’t glowing a deep enough blue to signify Aurors being in the close vicinity and then he quickly Disillusioned himself. The others did the same and then they spread out, each going to their predetermined locations.

Severus cast several whispered spells, checking the types and strength of the wards around the house. They were minimum security wards only, easily countered by a few correct curses. The McKinnon’s obviously weren’t expecting company.

He heard Travers whispering a count down under his breath and when he reached one, they all whispered the counter-spell and the ward shimmered slightly and faded.

Severus, Bella and Rosiers made their way to the back door while the other two skirted around to the front.

Bella reached out and tried to open the door with a whispered ‘Alohomara’ but the door remained closed.

She shrugged. “We’ll just have to blast it down,” she whispered, swinging back her wand and readying the spell.

Severus grabbed her wrist just in time. “You do and we’ll wake up the whole house!” he hissed.

She blinked at him. “But they have to be awake anyway to answer our questions. They might as well wake up now.”

Rosier was staring at her. “Are you completely mad?”

Severus sighed quietly. “Yes, she is, but that’s beside the point. You’re our resident expert on spells here, Rosier. Get over here and open the door.”

After trying a few spells and modifying some of them, the door finally swung open. They crept in, keeping close to the ground and making their way through the dark kitchen.

Severus suddenly felt his mark shudder slightly and he glanced at it. The blue had gotten a bit darker. He frowned. It didn’t feel like Aurors were closing in. It had to be something else. Lifting up his arm, he carefully scanned the kitchen, watching the mark closely. When he passed the sugar jar sitting on the kitchen counter, the skull’s eyes flared up, the blue shimmering. He reached out and grabbed Bella’s hand and prevented her from moving and held out a hand to stop Rosier.

He pointed at the jar. “Dark detector,” he whispered.

They all readied their wands before throwing a well aimed curse at it, laced together with a silencing charm. The jar vibrated violently and a bit of smoke poured out of it when it became overloaded with dark magic, before it suddenly spluttered and the jar cracked.

Glancing at his arm, he scanned the jar and saw that the skull’s eyes blue color didn’t change in intensity anymore.

Nodding to the other two, they crept through the kitchen, continuing through the hallway. They knew the precise layout of the house, thanks to masters espionage assistants.

They met Karkaroff and Travers at the foot of the stairs. They all scanned the area around them with their marks, making sure they hadn’t missed any detectors.

Levitating themselves, they slowly drifted up the stairs, not wanting to chance stepping on a creeky stair. Once upstairs, they spread out. Severus and Rosier headed right towards Marlene McKinnon’s study. After destroying the dark detectors and wards around the room, they stepped inside and each went about his own mission. Rosier immediately went and searched through a few file cabinets, looking for a list of new spells the Aurors had caught Death Eaters performing and brought to Marlene and her people for them to find counter curses.

Severus rifled through her desk, looking for a parchment on which she had scribbled the recipe of a new potion which master wanted his hands on. It was a new recipe which Marlene had been working on for months which countered the ingenious liquid cruciatus potion Severus had made. Espionage assistants had discovered that the head of the ministry’s magical research department had personally been working on it and Macnair had immediately gone to master and complained that the potion would soon be useless unless they found and destroyed the counter potion.

Severus grit his teeth as he carefully searched through papers, making sure not to leave any trace of his having looked. Stupid bitch thought she could just undo all his hard work. It had taken him weeks to make that potion and master had been so happy and—his hands were trembling.

He cursed silently. He had taken enough crystals a few hours ago. That should have been enough to last the entire mission. Oh, well. He didn’t have time to have any right now. Master wanted this recipe and he would find it. Nothing else mattered.

After ten minutes of frantic searching, Rosier finally gave a whispered shout of triumph and held up a long roll of parchment.

“Quit celebrating and help me look,” Severus hissed at him. Immediately, Rosier tucked the roll away and helped him go through the remaining drawers in the desk.

Then they searched behind portraits, underneath the floor and even checked the bottom of drawers to find hidden ones.

“Shit,” Severus sighed. “She’s either hidden it somewhere else in the house or she’s transfigured it. Either way, it would take us hours to find it.”

Rosier frowned. “We can’t go back without it.”

Severus rolled his eyes. “Of course not,” he snapped, feeling irritation flooding him. Damn it, he needed his crystals. Taking a deep breath, he swept out of the room, Rosier at his heels.

Bella, Karkaroff and Travers were guarding the bedrooms and turned around when they approached.

“Rosier found what he was looking for but I couldn’t find the bitch’s recipe,” he whispered, irritated at the woman’s stupidity. How dare she hide something master wanted?

Travers nodded and smirked. Although Severus couldn’t see the smirk behind his mask, he could tell it was there. He shuddered, again not understanding why.

“In that case, we’ll just have to ask her really nicely where she put it.”

They all turned and stared at Bella, who was staring at the wall, drawing on it with her finger.

Severus rolled his eyes. “Bella!”

She spun around and stared at him. Severus knew she was smiling. He gestured towards the bedroom door.

“Get in there and get the cow to tell us where the parchment is.”

She blinked. “What parchment?”

Travers muttered an oath under his breath and Rosier stared at her while Karkaroff wrung his hands, nervous eyes glancing at the bedroom doors.

Severus didn’t even bother sighing. “The parchment master wants, Bella.”

Immediately, she came alive. Nodding, she spun around, pulled out her wand and blasted the door of one of the bedrooms clear off its hinges.

Severus heard screams coming from within the room and a man’s voice frantically yelling “ _Lumos_!” and “ _Accio_ wand!”.

Bella strode into the room while Travers and Karkaroff swept off to the other rooms.

Immediately, both Bella and Severus cried “ _Expelliarmus_!” and two wands soared through the air and landed in their grasps.

Marlene and John McKinnon sat upright in bed, terrified and pale as they stared at them. For a moment, neither of them moved before John pushed the covers off himself and stepped between his wife and the doorway.

“Whatever you want, she doesn’t have it. She leaves all her ministry work at the ministry.”

Severus smirked. What a typical response. “She does? Well, in that case, it’s quite a coincidence that we already found half of the papers we were looking for, hmm?”

Marlene had also gotten out of bed and was standing beside her husband, trembling.

Severus narrowed his eyes at her. So this was the person responsible for destroying his hard work which had pleased master so much. Fury rose within him and his trembling hands clutched his wand and the two others he was holding.

“I want to know where you put the recipe for the counter potion against the liquid cruciatus potion,” he hissed.

Marlene raised her chin defiantly. “You’ll have to kill me first,” she hissed back.

John had quickly put his arms around her. “Darling, don’t! It’s not worth it. Just give it to them.”

Marlene glared at Severus, who glared right back. Bella stared back and forth between them, pretending to look politely entertained, but then she sighed loudly and flicked her wand at both of them. “ _Silencio_. _Crucio_.”

Immediately, both McKinnon’s fell to the floor, screaming soundlessly and writhing in agony. Severus sighed. “Bella…”

She stared at him. “What? I was getting bored and she wasn’t talking. She was just staring.”

Severus waved his wand at them and muttered the counter curse. They remained on the floor, breathing hard, arms around each other and staring up at them with wide eyes.

“Alright, one more time. I want to know where the parchment is. It’s just a little parchment. When I have it in my hands and after I’ve checked it over, then we’ll go. Nobody needs to get hurt.”

Bella sighed with annoyance and stamped her foot, but Severus silenced her with a look.

Now was not the time to throw a temper tantrum.

Suddenly, Karkaroff and Travers appeared behind them in the doorway and pushed two young children into the room.

Their hands were tied behind their backs and they were both crying silent tears of terror, obviously having been silenced by a charm.

Marlene’s eyes widened and she sucked in a deep breath and John immediately started forward, but Bella and Severus yanked their wands up and pointed them right at the children, who cringed and clung to each other.

“You move one more inch and the brats will be doing a lot more dancing on the floor then you were a second ago,” Travers said, his voice cold.

Immediately, John froze and Marlene put her arms around him. John gave his two children a watery smile and mouthed something at them.

Bella narrowed her eyes and flicked her wand. “ _Avada Kedavra_.”

Severus nearly fell from the enormous and unexpected burst of magic flying from Bella’s wand and a jet of green light flew from it and slammed into John’s body. Immediately, his eyes widened in shock and he crumbled to the floor, dead.

Severus stared at him in shock before turning on Bella. “What the hell was that for?” He hissed, not liking the way his stomach was knotting at the sight of the man lying dead on the floor.

Bella blinked at him. “He was saying something but I couldn’t hear him.”

Severus stared at her. “That’s because you put a silencing charm on him five seconds ago.”

She stared at him before suddenly giggling and shrugging. “Oh, I forgot.”

Severus clenched and unclenched his hands, their trembling having worsened. His head was starting to ache and his stomach hurt as he looked at McKinnon’s lifeless body and Marlene crouching over him, crying silent tears of agony. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen a dead body before but it had been so damn senseless, so damn….He needed more crystals.

He could feel the sweat making his mask slippery and felt a shiver of cold run down his spine. He glanced at the two crying children behind him and suddenly felt like he was about to throw up.

Spinning around, he mumbled something about going to look through the study one more time before stumbling out the door. As soon as he reached the study, he slammed the door shut, pulled off his mask and sank to the floor, clutching his stomach and breathing hard. He wiped a trembling hand over his sweaty face, grimacing over the dull ache in his bones.

His hand automatically went down to this robe pocket and he madly fished around until he found that tiny glass jar. Yanking it out, he opened it with shaking hands, careful not to spill any and reached it. Taking some out, he was about to crush it when suddenly, he spied somebody moving out of the corner of his eyes.

Panic overwhelmed him and he dropped the jar and yanked his wand out, pointing it at the other end of the study. He had to squint to see through the darkness and his eyesight was going slightly fuzzy from his need for his crystals, but he thought he saw a person sitting before a door, pointing a wand at him.

He was about to gasp out the first curse that came to his mind when he suddenly realized he was looking at a mirror.

He slowly lowered his wand and stared at his reflection. It was dark in the room but the pale, gaunt face staring back at him looked haunted and eerie. Dark circles lined black, bottomless eyes and his hair lay in tangles past his shoulders. He stared at his reflection with wide eyes. The person in the mirror looked so strange. So thin, so young and so…broken.

Suddenly, a wave of pain radiated through his bones and he bent over, hissing in agony.

He fished through his pockets for his jar and then remembered he’d dropped it.

Staring at the floor, he let out a sob as he saw how much of it he had spilt onto the carpet.

At first, he crouched over the spilt green crystals, picking them off the carpet with gentle, trembling fingers, carefully putting them back into the jar, before he remembered to use his wand.

Then he took some out, ground it up and immediately swallowed the flames. He slumped against the door as his body relaxed. The tremors and the sweat and the aches faded and he stared across the room at the person sitting in the mirror and smiled at him. The reflection smiled back at him, slowly turning green.

Severus took a deep breath, feeling his body slowly leaving him and his mind becoming light and full of bliss. Everything would be alright now.

They’d find the parchment and they’d go back to master and master would tell them what a good job they did and he’d be allowed to sleep by master’s side and maybe master would even give them tiny bits of chocolate. Severus licked his lips at the thought before pushing himself up.

Pulling his mask back on, he stretched and smiled to himself before giggling. Everything was so simple and easy. Get the parchment and go home to master.

Stepping out of the room, he made his way back to the bedroom, having a sudden urge to hum to himself. Giggling at the silliness, he shook his head and stepped back inside.

He nearly tripped over Marlene McKinnon’s body. She lay sprawled out in the doorway, wide eyes staring up at the ceiling, fresh tears still dripping down her face.

Bella was standing in the middle of the room, covered in blood and a bloody knife in her hands. She frowned down at two…things…on the ground. Severus frowned and glanced around Rosier to see what she was staring at.

The two children lay side by side, their robes torn open and their bodies slit open from throat to stomach, blood and guts dripping onto the floor.

Bella twirled the knife and pouted and stamped her foot. “It’s not in there,” she whined, glancing up at Travers and nodding seriously.

Travers swore and threw up his hands and walked out of the room, Rosier trailing after him. Karkaroff stared at Bella. Severus thought the way he was staring was quite amusing and he was about to laugh but decided not to. Instead, he sighed with exasperation at his bondmate and looked at her.

“Bella, what are you doing?”

She smiled. “I was checking to see if the parchment is hidden in them,” she explained seriously.

Severus frowned slightly before laughing. “You’re so funny, Bella.”

She laughed too and nodded. “I know.” Then she spun around and headed for the door, absentmindly licking the knife and humming to herself.

Severus stared down at the two children’s bodies and giggled again. Bella is such a silly girl at times. Imagine, hiding parchment under someone’s skin!

Shaking his head, he turned around and left the room, Karkaroff trailing after him.

They met Travers in the kitchen, who was busy transfiguring each cup in the cupboard back into its original state—if it ever had one. Rosier was working on the cups on the counter. Severus frowned slightly, but then glanced at Bella and when she giggled back at him, he figures that it’s alright that he doesn’t completely understand either.

Finally, Rosier gave a shout of triumph and held up a piece of parchment. Severus eagerly grabbed it, his mind immediately clear and focused as he skimmed the ingredients and their quantities. Yes, this was it.

Smiling, he stuck it into his pocket and nodded to the others. “It’s the right one.”

Nodding, Travers turned around and headed towards the back door, the others trailing after him.

When they reached outside, Bella took hold of Severus’ hand, whispering for him not to get lost. Severus giggled, called her a silly girl and then disapparated back home, eagerly looking forward to seeing master and showing him their hard work.


	6. Chapter 6

**May 4 th, 1979**

**The Dark Manor**

 

A soft curse slipped past his lips as he squinted to focus his fuzzy vision and stop his stupid hands from trembling. Clutching the knife harder, he bit into his lip, forcing himself to slow down and cut the rat tails properly. He needed his crystals. Damn it. He sighed with irritation. He didn’t have time to think about crystals right now. Master wanted this potion ready in an hour and his stupid hands weren’t cooperating with him. He could feel cold sweat running down his back but he ignored it.

Then his stomach rumbled. Again.

His elf glanced up from where he was sitting at a nearby table, reading a book.

“Is young master hungry?”

Severus glared at him, irritation and anger flooding him. “For the millionth time, I’m not hungry, elf! Now shut up!” He yelled, barely restraining himself from throwing his knife at the stupid old fool.

Gorgon quietly turned another page in the book before putting it down. Getting up, he crossed his arms across his chest and sternly stared at him.

“Young master must eat some proper food. This ridiculous. For weeks now, dark master saying young master and Miss Bella must eat nothing but biscuits and lettuce. This not food!”

Severus slammed the knife down on the table. “If master says that’s what we eat, then that’s what we eat! It’s none of your fucking business what we eat!” he yelled, shaking from rage. He wanted his crystals. Damn it, and he also wanted food. He had been dreaming about soup and chicken for months now, but always ruthlessly suppressed those nasty, traitorous thoughts. If master said soup and chicken were both bad for them and they shouldn’t eat anything except for biscuits and lettuce, then so be it!

Gorgon lifted up his chin. “It very much elf’s business! Miss Bella and young master losing even more weight in past months than in past year and it not healthy! Miss Bella and young master both much too thin!”

Rage made dark spots dance before his eyes and Severus grabbed the cauldron and barely restrained himself from throwing it at his elf.

“Shut up!” He screamed, his hands shaking. He needed his crystals. Damn it, he really needed his crystals. His body was screaming and aching for his precious crystals and his head felt like it was about to explode.

Gorgon stared at his young master, knowing there was a lot more going on here than a moody, brain washed, half starved teenager having a fit. His young charge was trembling wildly and was sweating and looked even more pale than normal. Gorgon silently stared at him, letting pieces of a dreaded puzzle fall together. He had been suspecting for months that his young master was doing something behind his back, but surely, it couldn’t be this…surely his young master knew better…but all the signs were there. All the signs which Gorgon had spent years observing in past generations of drug addicted Snapes before their miserable and much delayed deaths.

Suddenly, Severus uttered a small cry and fell to his knees, hugging himself with shaking arms.

Gorgon ran to his side and clutched his arms. “Where does it hurt? Young master quickly tell Gorgy!” he demanded, fear and worry clutching him.

Severus glared at the old elf, ripping his shaking arms out of his grasp. “Don’t touch me!” he snarled, shaking so badly that he nearly fell over.

He needed his crystals. And this stupid, old creature stood in his way. A creature who had said that master didn’t know what was best for them.

Gorgon took a deep breath. Maybe, he was wrong. Maybe his paranoid mind was jumping to the wrong conclusions. Maybe it was just the hunger. Maybe he had the flu.

“What does young master need?” he asked softly.

Severus’ glare immediately softened and he looked close to tears. He licked dry, trembling lips and stared at Gorgon with huge eyes. “The quill,” he rasped quietly.

“What quill?”

“The green quill. In my desk. In the drawer. Quickly. Please,” he pleaded, already having forgotten who he was talking to. All that mattered was that they get him his crystals. His precious, beautiful crystals.

Gorgon stood up and ran to the desk and rummaged around in it before he pulled out the quill. He didn’t understand why his young master wanted a quill to make himself feel better, but the elf was willing to go along with it.

Severus snatched it out of his hands and a small smile flickered across his face as he lovingly stroked the green feather.

Sweat streamed down his pale face as he stared at it, lost in his own world. Gorgon gently laid a hand on his arm, afraid his young master had finally lost his senses. The touch yanked Severus out of his daze and he madly fumbled with the feather, muttering transfiguration charms under his breath.

Suddenly, a small, clear jar lay in his sweaty, shaking hands. Filled with fluorescent green crystals.

Gorgon stared at them, cold shock filling him. For a moment, he lost the ability to speak and think and all he could do was stare. Stare at the deadly poison which his young charge lovingly cradled in his hands, stroking the glass and smiling at it.

“What is young master doing?” He asked, completely horrified.

Severus didn’t appear to have heard him. He was gently unscrewing the lid of the jar when Gorgon reached forward and was about to rip the jar out of his hands. Severus’ smile vanished and with a snarl, he tore the jar out of his elf’s hands and quickly shuffled backwards on the floor, snarling and glaring at his elf and hugging the jar to himself.

“It’s mind, you filthy creature! Mine!” he hissed, trembling, his eyes filled with hate.

Gorgon stared at him, knowing he was treading in dangerous territory. He had been faced with too many drug crazed masters over the years not to know when he was risking his life by not disapparating immediately. But this was his young master. He couldn’t leave him. He had made a promise.

“Young master not thinking straight right now. Young master needs to give Gorgy little jar,” he said softly, trying to smile reassuringly and stretched a slow hand out towards the shaking, crouching youth.

Severus snarled at him and tightened his grip on the jar. “Get away from me!” he snarled, eyes black with rage. “It’s mine—master says it’s mine—and you can’t have it!”

“Young master needs to calm down for a mom—”

“Shut up! You know nothing and you don’t understand anything! You’re just a stupid, filthy elf!”

“Young master welcome to call Gorgy any names he wants, but Gorgy would please like to have jar—”

“It’s mine!” Severus screamed, dread filling him at the thought that this filthy creature would take away his precious crystals.

Suddenly, another wave of pain crashed over him and Severus bit his lip to keep his screams quiet. Glaring at the creature crouching before him, he quietly shuffled backwards across the room until he reached the door. Quickly crawling through it, holding his precious jar close, he slammed the door shut and then half ran and half stumbled down the corridor.

When he reached a secluded corner, he stopped running and nearly collapsed on the floor. He looked down at his precious crystals and smiled happily. “All mine,” he whispered, his eyes glowing with happiness before he gently poured some into his palm.

 

**May 10 th, 1979**

**The Dark Manor**

 

A jar of spiders crashed into the wall two inches from Gorgon’s head and the old elf barely dove out of the way to avoid being killed by it.

“Get out!” Severus screamed, shaking with rage. “I’m sick and tired of your stupid prattling!”

Gorgon gingerly stepped past the broken shards of glass and tried one more time. “Elf not prattling, young master. Gorgy just trying to make young master see that this is not good situation! Hell’s Breath dangerous and—”

“Shut up! You don’t know anything! Master says the crystals aren’t bad and that means they aren’t bad!”

Gorgon clenched his jaw. “Dark master is wrong, young master—”

Another jar went flying across the room and Gorgon dove onto the ground to avoid it.

“Shut up and get out!”

Gorgon picked himself up and opened his mouth again, but before he could get a word out, Severus levitated him up and threw him out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

 

**May 24 th, 1979**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Eyes wide and a leering grin plastered on its gaunt face, the muggle crouched beside Severus on the large bed, twirling a knife around. Severus drew in a deep breath and forced himself to lie still. He knew what was coming. His body sensed the pain which was about to flood it and his legs twitched as if trying to crawl off the bed.

He clenched his fists and gently tugged on the chains keeping him tied securily to the bed. Good. They were tight. That meant he wouldn’t be able to run if his traitorous body decided it had had enough.

He had to please master. Master loved this game.

Master sat in his chair beside the bed, stroking Bella’s hair, who lay sprawled out at his feet, pale body covered in cuts and blood. From time to time, she’d smile up at master or Severus, but her jaw was clenched to keep from screaming.

“My little serpent is looking forward to this, isn’t he?” Master whispered, smiling at him.

Severus eagerly smiled back, nodding frantically. Of course he was. His body just wasn’t cooperating with him, but his mind knew perfectly well that this was what he wanted. He wanted to please master. This was most important.

Gazing up into the wide, deranged eyes leering down at him, he clenched his jaw, took another deep breath and made himself promise not to scream.

 

**May 27 th, 1979**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Severus lay trembling at master’s feet, close to tears. His body ached all over and he couldn’t stop the tremors seizing him.

Master idly twirled the wand in his hands and glared down at him. “Is my serpent sorry he disobeyed his master?”

Sobbing quietly, Severus nodded, hating himself. His stupid, thoughtless elf had left a plate of food on his desk and Severus had stared at it for two hours before his stupid, half starved body reached out and ate some of it. Right away, he had hurried to the loo and vomited it all up, terrified that master would find out. He had been so upset by his stupidity and disobedience that he had right away told master, needing to be punished for his weakness.

Master had been furious. He had yelled that he knew what was best for his serpent and his raven and how dare Severus think he knew what he could eat and what he couldn’t? Then master had flung the cruciatus curse at him three times, leaving Severus screaming and writhing on the floor, but his mind soothed by the fact that he was getting exactly what he deserved.

Lord Voldemort took a deep breath and stared down at the sobbing, shaking figure lying by his feet.

Pushing himself up, he snapped his fingers and strode towards his bedroom, muttering furiously to himself that now his serpent had to repay him for his punishment because it was for his own good. Severus sniffed back his grateful sobs and crawled across the floor after his master.

 

**June 5 th, 1979**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Snickered laughter drifted down to him but he blocked it out, not caring. He needed his crystals. Nothing else mattered.

Finally, Avery grabbed his hair and threw him across the floor towards someone else. Severus landed hard on the cold floor and lay there for a moment, letting his sweating, pale face cool against the stones.

“Don’t just lie there, slut, get over here. You want your crystals or not?” Travers called over, already pulling up his robes.

A woman laughed. “He’s a useful little slut, isn’t he? Good too, huh? I’m still hurt you didn’t invite me sooner,” she pouted.

Severus wearily pushed himself up on shaking arms and crawled over. He had no idea how many of the darkly robed figures in the room he’d been used by over the past hour and he didn’t care. His body was aching and exhausted and he needed his crystals.

Crawling to Travers feet, he pushed himself up and was about to push his robes up further when suddenly, he spied a figure standing in the shadows of the room, staring at him.

He was about to dismiss it, when he recognized the figure. He froze.

It was Gorgon.

The old elf was staring at him, eyes empty and face expressionless. Severus stared, sick horror flooding him. His elf knew. Suddenly, he found himself caring.

The old elf stared at him silently before sadly shaking his head and disapparating.

And then shame flooded him. Severus clenched his jaw to keep unexpected tears at bay. He found himself shaking even more. It’s just the crystals, he tried to reassure himself.

Suddenly, a stinging slap reminded him of what he was supposed to be doing. Picking himself back up, he obediently opened his mouth, but then he nearly recoiled.

The hissed comments and leering laughter flooded his mind and he couldn’t block it out as he usually did.

He was a whore.

The realization hit him so hard that he nearly fell over, but Travers firm grip on his head kept him where he was.

He was a whore and his elf knew.

He wanted to scream and shove Travers away from him and run out of this room, and try to find his elf and explain…but what on earth could he say?

Suddenly, he got defensive. He needed his crystals. This was the easiest way to get them. Besides, why was he suddenly feeling ashamed over this? He had been doing this for months, years really. It had never mattered before. Why the hell would it matter now? Besides, what did he care what a filthy old elf thought? The stupid creature had been a pain in his side for weeks already.

He tried to seize his determination and coat his shame and revulsion with it, but it wasn’t working.

Thankfully, Travers didn’t realize anything was wrong and couldn’t see the thoughts running through his mind and Severus was too used to this to mess it up.

When he was done, Travers threw him away and then started asking the others what else they had wanted.

Severus lay on the floor, wanting to curl up and die. He was a whore. Nothing more but certainly a lot less. And his elf knew.

He was to start slamming his head into the floor and hopefully kill himself in the process, when he heard a dull thud beside him and he glanced up.

A dead muggle girl had been thrown down beside him, her blank eyes staring upwards. From the smell of her, she had been dead for a few days already.

Severus frowned up at the grinning, leering faces surrounding him and when Avery nodded his chin at the girl and licked his lips, Severus nearly threw up.

He stared at the girl’s naked body knowing what they wanted.

And he had to do it. He needed his crystals. His mind was screaming at him to just get this over with and sooth the burning in his body and head, but his hands recoiled from her still body and he nearly started sobbing.

He couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

He let out a mental scream of anguish, not realizing that his link had been open.

Lying on the floor, he wanted nothing than to die. His elf knew he was a whore and now he would have to touch…and do a lot more with this…thing.

All for his stupid, stupid, precious crystals.

He barely heard the door opening and didn’t glance up, thinking it was just another person to join in the circle and wait for him to throw away what was left of his…could he call it pride? He didn’t think there was any left. He’d used it up long ago.

The person swaggered into the room, neatly stepping over him and stopping between him and the girl’s body.

“Oh! What’s this?” The person bent down and eagerly examined the girl’s body, lifting up her legs and tugging on her hair. “She’s whole too. A bit smelly, but still fuckable. Wow,” she breathed, sounding close to tears and clasping her hands together as if thanking somebody for this gift.

It was then that Severus recognized her voice. It was Bella. What was she doing here?

Apparently, Macnair had the same thought.

“What are you doing here, Bellatrix? We’re busy, get out.”

“Busy? Oh, what fun! Doing what?”

Somebody snickered. “Your little fellow slut was just about to show us what he can do with this thing here. I hear he’s pretty talented when it comes to things like this. So, if you could either move over or get out—”

Bella glanced down at him and frowned. “Sevvie? Oh, Sevvie’s good alright, but he’s all tired. He never puts much effort into anything when he’s tired. What would he be getting?”

In response, Travers held out a bag. Severus nearly cried when he saw it, swearing that the crystals were calling out to him. He wanted to crawl over to him, but he nearly touched the girl’s leg and recoiled again.

Bella smiled cheerfully. “Well, if Sevvie doesn’t do a good enough job, he won’t get it, will he?”

“That depends. We want a good show and our dearly departed girly down there wants a good time and if none of us are happy, then he doesn’t get anything.”

Bella frowned, nodding and thinking this over. Then she grinned. “Well, I’ll tell you what. Sevvie really won’t be much fun to watch when he’s this tired. Why not just let me do it?”

Travers frowned, not liking this development, but Macnair was nodding, eyes perking up.

“Hey, hey, Travers, don’t dismiss her so easily. She’s just as good as the little slut down there. Besides, who cares who’s doing who? All I want is something good to watch.”

Bella nodded, grinning broadly and blinking at Travers, waiting for him to make up his mind. Finally, Travers grumbled something and then nodded.

Immediately, Bella squealed with excitement and pulled her robe off.

Severus lay there, tears streaming down his face and not paying attention to whatever Bella was doing. Whatever it was, from the hoots and whistles of approval, she was pleasing them.

Finally, he felt a small hand pulling on his and yanking him half way up and then pulling him towards the door.

Waving good bye and blowing them all kisses and wiggling her eyebrows at them, Bella dragged Severus outside and down the corridor and into his room.

When she dropped him onto the floor, he lay where he had fallen and finally let his tears flow.

Sobbing, he shut his eyes, not wanting anybody to see him. He was a whore. A disgusting, stupid whore.

Feeling cold hands on his face, he opened his eyes. Bella was frowning down at him.

“ _Why is Sevvie so sad? I got you crystals_.” She grinned, waving the bag in his face.

Severus’ body lurched towards the crystals, fingers already itching for them, but he held back.

“ _You didn’t have to do that, Bella. They’re yours. You’ve earned them_.”

Bella giggled. “ _Oh, Sevvie. I told you I’m sick of the crystals. I don’t want them. You can have them. Besides, you did your fair share of work for them already_.”

Severus stared at her. “ _Bella, why did you come_?”

She rocked back on her heels and smiled at him with huge eyes. Then she giggled. “ _Oh, Sevvie, you’re so funny_.”

Then she got up, leaving the bag lying beside him and strolled out the door, humming to herself.

 

**June 20 th, 1979**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Stirring the potion five more times, he stopped and frowned into the swirling, dark liquid. He took a deep, shaky breath, feeling his body starting to dully ache for his crystals. He twisted his shaking hands together and glanced at the terrified girl lying tied to the table beside him.

He ignored her quiet sobbing and the fear in her eyes as he reached for a ladle to measure out a dose of the potion. His hands were shaking so much that he dropped the ladle. Anger flooded him and he hurled the ladle across the room with a scream.

Clutching the edge of his table, he grit his teeth and tried to calm down. It didn’t work. His bones were aching and he was sweating and the girl’s annoying sobbing was echoing through his head.

Forcing his legs to hold him up, he stumbled to his desk and rummaged through the drawers, looking for his precious bag. There wasn’t any need to transfigure it anymore since his elf hadn’t spoken to him in weeks and spent the majority of his time in the kitchen. It suited Severus just fine. He couldn’t stand having the filthy old fool around, staring at him with blank eyes.

His elf’s stares always made him feel filthy and made him want to crawl out of his own skin, but that wouldn’t do him any favors. He had things to do and his precious crystals helped him do those things. Besides, the crystals were good for him. Master had said so.

Swearing, he squinted and started emptying things onto the floor. Where the hell were they? He always put them back in the same place so he wouldn’t have to waste energy remembering where he had hidden them last.

They weren’t there. The bag was missing.

Swearing again, he kicked the desk and continued looking, tearing apart parchment and shattering vials and flasks on the floor as he started panicking. Where were they?

Wiping sweat off his forehead with a trembling hand, he madly started scraping at the wood on the bottom of the empty drawer, hoping that some crystals lay on the surface. He didn’t notice when his hands started bleeding and the streaks of blood he left on the dark wood. Loud screams had erupted in his head, Banshees screaming at him to get crystals.

Finally, he turned away from the desk, panicked and wanting to scream.

He frantically stared around his room, eyes wide and trembling so badly he nearly fell over.

Then his eyes landed on the girl quietly sobbing on the table. She stared at him and continued sobbing.

Severus’ panic suddenly faded and was replaced with hot rage. She must know where they were. She must have hidden them. There wasn’t anybody else in the room.

He narrowed his eyes at her and nearly snarled with anger. Striding over to her, he leaned over the table.

“Where are they?” he hissed.

She just stared up at him, tears streaming down her face. She didn’t answer and had the nerve to look confused.

He grit his teeth and nearly felt his jaw breaking. The stupid bitch knew where they were, she just didn’t want to tell him.

“So, you don’t want to talk, huh?” he snarled, rage sparking within him. “You think this is funny, do you?”

She continued crying quietly.

Letting out a scream of rage which eerily sounded like the Banshees in his head, he whipped out his wand and pointed it at her. “You think you can hide them from me? Huh? Do you?” he screamed at her.

Without another word, he flung a cruciatus curse at her, watching her screaming and writhing in agony on the table, nearly tearing the tight bonds keeping her down.

He thought his rage would be soothed by her screaming, but his anger only increased when she didn’t tell him where she had hidden them.

Screaming at her and calling her the vilest names he could think of, he threw the curse at her again…and again…and again.

He had no idea how long he stood over her, screaming with rage and drowning out her screams of pain and pleading for mercy.

Finally, he realized she had stopped screaming. Taking a deep breath, he took the curse off her and stared at her. She was staring up at the ceiling, mouth open and eyes slowly dulling as she died.

“No!” Severus screamed, grabbing her and viciously shaking her, slamming her head against the table. “Tell me where they are, bitch! Tell me!” he screamed at her.

Suddenly, he found himself flying across the room and slamming into the wall. Fumbling with shaking hands, he snarled and whipped out his wand and pointed it straight at the source of the magic which had flung him into the wall.

His elf stood in the doorway, his wand pointed at him, his eyes dark and filled with cold anger.

“What the hell do you want?” Severus hissed at him, wiping his sweaty forehead with a trembling, bleeding hand which left streaks of blood on his face.

Gorgon took another step into the room and glanced over at the girl who lay sprawled out on the table, blood dripping from the table from her headwound. She was dead.

At the sight of her lifeless body, Gorgon’s eyes grew harder and he glared at the seething, raging teenager crouching on the floor before him.

“What did young master do?”

Severus clenched his shaking jaw together, trying to ignore the screaming in his mind to get out of the room and run to someone who had some of his precious crystals. His body started throbbing in agony and he nearly doubled over but he managed to glare at his elf.

“She wouldn’t tell me where they were!” he screamed, rage filling him again. “She took them and she wouldn’t tell me where they were!”

Gorgon clenched his jaw. “Young master is stupid whore! Girl not knowing anything about crystals! Gorgy took crystals, not girl! Now girl dead!”

Severus barely heard what his elf had said but one sentence registered with him. He pushed himself up, rage radiating from him.

“Give them to me,” he snarled.

Gorgon crossed his arms over his chest. “No.”

Severus’ last bit of control snapped. “Give them to me! You stupid, filthy creature! How dare you not give them to me?!”

“What young master going to do, huh? Kill Gorgy like girl?” Gorgon yelled back.

Severus tightened his grip on his wand and pointed it straight at his elf. For a moment, both of them froze.

Severus forced his shaking hand to be steady. He stared at his elf, rage and a half mad glint in his dark eyes. “I’ll do it, elf,” he whispered. “If you don’t give me my crystals right now, I’ll do it.”

Gorgon remained standing where he was, his arms crossed over his chest. He lifted his chin.

“Fine. If that make young master happy, then fine. Do it. Kill Gorgy. Young master already a whore, a torturer and murderer anyway. If kill one elf, it not matter anymore.”

Severus felt as if somebody had slapped him. Eyes widening, he tried to take a calming breath but it didn’t work.

“Shut up!” he screamed, his wand still pointed at the small elf’s heart.

“Young master can’t even hear what he become, huh?” Gorgon yelled. Gorgon shook his head and then spat on the floor. “Gorgy ashamed to call Master Severus his young master.”

A lump rose in Severus’ throat and he nearly fell over. “Shut up!” He tried to yell it but he didn’t have the energy anymore.

“And young master knows who else ashamed? Huh? Or does young master not remember what sacrifice mistress made for him? Mistress sacrifice her life so young master could grow up and be something better than old master, and now look at young master! A whore and torturer and half crazy murderer!”

Severus realized tears were pouring down his face. His rage suddenly left him as quickly as it had come, leaving him empty and gasping for breath.

He stared at his elf, who was looking at him with anger and disgust.

Eyes widening, he stared down at the wand in his hands and then the girl lying motionless on the table. Oh, God. What had he done?

His numb hand lost its grip on the wand and it fell to the floor with a clatter.

Words long forgotten suddenly erupted in his mind, momentarily silencing the screaming banshees in his head.

“I know we never truly got to know each other, child, but I want you to know that I’ve always loved you and I did this for you. Now, I know I don’t have much time left, but I want to tell you something very important, Severus. And because it will be the only parental advice I’ve ever given you, I hope you’ll remember it. I want you to forget everything that monster ever said to you and taught you, child. I never want you to turn into what he was. I want you to not be afraid to let light shine into your soul. It might feel strange and I know the darkness is more familiar to you, but I don’t want you to be afraid of the light. Always remember that light can guide your path, but darkness never can.”

He took a deep breath, feeling that lump threatening to suffocate him.

His Mother. He hadn’t thought about her in years.

He stared at his elf, realizing with a flood of shame how true Gorgon’s words were. Trembling, he stared at his elf, not seeing him.

He was his Father. He had become his Father. The person he most hated and had sworn to himself never to become.

He was his Father.

“Oh, Merlin,” he whispered in despair, slowly crumbling to the floor. Bringing his bleeding hands up to cover his face, he started sobbing, harsh, grating cries echoing through him while the Banshees started wailing again.

What had he done? He’d killed that poor, innocent girl and he hadn’t even know her name and he’d let everyone use him any way they saw fit and now…he had nearly killed his elf. The only person who had never abandoned him and who Severus loved with all that was left of his black heart. He had nearly killed him.

And it was all because of the crystals.

Sobbing, he wrapped his arms around his knees and berated his beautiful, green drugs.

He became aware of a small, wrinkled hand on his knees. He glanced up through tear filled eyes.

“I’m sorry, Gorgon. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he sobbed in a whisper.

“Shh, it’s alright. Gorgy is sorry too. Said some awful things.”

Severus shook his head. “No, they’re all true. I’m just like Father was.”

Gorgon shook his head firmly. “No. If young master were truly like old master then he would have killed Gorgy with no thinking.”

“But I almost did, Gorgon. I almost did. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Shh, Gorgy forgives young master. It alright. Gorgy forgives.”

Severus clutched his elf’s hand and held onto it, feeling as if it were the only thing keeping him sane.

“Elf, I—I don’t think the crystals are good for me,” he whispered.

Gorgon sighed. “No, they not.”

Severus nodded and sniffed, and then froze. He was right. The crystals weren’t good for him. They had turned him into a whore and a torturer and a murderer. And they had nearly made him kill Gorgon.

But—

Master said the crystals were good for him. And master was never wrong.

Eyes widening, Severus stared at his elf without seeing him. Maybe he was wrong. He had to be…but…

“Elf, master says the crystals aren’t bad.”

Gorgon sighed again and sadly pat his hand. “Dark master is wrong. About so many things, but this especially. Dark master is wrong,” he whispered in quiet Elfish, aware that having somebody overhear him say so would be like signing his own death sentence.

Severus stared at him, his head reeling and momentarily silencing the Banshees, who were equally stunned.

“Master is wrong,” he whispered in horrified Elfish. Right away, he had the urge to slam his head into the stone floor to make these bad thoughts go away, but his elf tightened his grip on his hands.

“Young master needs to accept this. Dark master is wrong.”

Severus stared at him, unable to speak. Master was wrong. Master who was always right, master who knew what was best for him. Master whom Severus loved. Master was wrong.

Suddenly, fear flooded him and he frantically waved his hands at his door, slamming it shut and making sure his link to Bella was firmly closed.

“Master is wrong,” he whispered in Elfish.

Gorgon slowly nodded and gave him a small smile. “Yes, young master.”

They stared at each other for a long moment, neither of them moving. Suddenly, a sharp throb of pain raced through his body and Severus nearly cried out.

Gorgon murmured soothing words to him, but Severus knew those wouldn’t help. His head started throbbing again and the Banshees were screaming for his crystals.

He stared at his elf, hating his weakness and biting his lip. “Gorgon, Gorgon, please. Just give me a few. Just a few. Not enough to make me happy but enough to make the pain stop. Please,” he begged in Elfish.

Gorgon stared at him before finally sighing and nodding. Now was not the time to deal with the vicious and most often fatal withdrawal. They’d tackle that later. Taking his wand out, he muttered a few words and then the bag was lying in his hands.

Severus’ eyes gleamed and his body screamed out for him to rip the bag out of the elf’s hands and run off, but he forced himself to stay where he was. He wouldn’t let the crystals run his life anymore. They had nearly made him kill his elf.

He glared at them, hating himself for wanting them so badly. His elf poured out a tiny amount and tipped them into his hand.

He stared at them and was surprised to find himself loathing their sparkling beauty.

He gently crushed them and then swallowed the flames. Gorgon gently stroked his back as they waited for the crystals to take his pain away and finally silence the Banshees.

Finally, Severus looked up, his eyes glowing a faint green.

Tears welled up in his eyes again and he slammed his fist into the floor before Gorgon could catch it. “I hate them, Gorgon. I hate them. And I hate—”

He froze, catching the last word before it had a chance to escape. But Gorgon knew what he had been about to say.

Curling up, Severus started sobbing again. “I gave him everything, Gorgon. Everything. And he said he loved us. He said so. But if he’s wrong about the crystals, if he was lying about those, then he could be lying about that too, couldn’t he?”

Gorgon nodded, not wanting to burden his young master’s fragile mind by adding to the enormous list of things Lord Voldemort had been wrong about. The words lettuce and biscuits came up, but he pushed them away.

“Yes, young master. If dark master loved young master and Miss Bella, then he not forcing you to do horrible things you not wanting to do. He not telling young master that deadly poison good for him.”

Gut wrenching sobs tore from his heart as his entire world crumbled around him. Master didn’t love him. He probably never had.

“I did it again, Gorgon. I always do this. I think people love me and I give them everything and they turn out to be using me,” he whispered, hating himself.

Gorgon smiled sadly. “Not always, young master. The headmaster loved young master truly and young master just couldn’t see it.”

Severus stared at him, momentarily forgetting his current dilemna. “The headmaster doesn’t love me, Gorgon. He just felt sorry for me. He couldn’t care less about me. He had his Gryffindor sluts and didn’t want a dirty, used up Slytherin.”

Gorgon frowned, trying to muddle his way through the confused thought patterns of his young charge. Finally, he understood. And nearly cried.

“No, no, no. Young master wrong. Headmaster not like that. Headmaster loving young master but not always understanding him. Yes, headmaster caring about Gryffindors, but loved young master.”

Severus frowned. “But he didn’t expel Black.”

Gorgon sighed again and felt tears in his eyes. So many misunderstandings. So many stupid misunderstandings and they had all landed them into this mess. His poor, misunderstood, broken young master who had been too damaged from childhood to ever look at the world the same way other people did.

“He not expel Master Sirius because Master Sirius not having any other place to go. And Master Sirius not thinking about consequences. Besides, headmaster very upset with Master Sirius. Not speaking to him for months and always cold around him.”

Severus wiped his nose with his sleeve, thinking this over and letting his brilliant and broken mind put this piece into a horrendous puzzle which was starting to take shape.

“So the headmaster never hated me? He never approved of what Black tried to do?”

“No, young master. Never.”

The young wizard and the old elf stared at each other in silence before Severus finally found his voice.

“Oh, Merlin, elf. I think I’ve made a big mistake,” he whispered, the enormity of his stupidity hitting him like a sledgehammer.

Gorgon sighed. “Yes, we making big mistake. Enormous mistake.”

Severus nearly fell over. He had made a mistake. Not just any mistake. He had given his heart, body, mind and soul to master and there was no way he could get them back. He absentmindly rubbed the mark on his left forearm, feeling the faint heat and dark magic which radiated from it constantly.

The only way out was death. He knew that. There were no options left.

Besides, what reason did he have to keep living? He had given master and his crystals everything and neither of them loved him and had nearly made him kill his elf.

Yes, the only way out was death. Oh, yes, he’d go to hell. Of that, he was sure. But at least he’d be able to find a quiet little corner there and sleep for all eternity.

But then he stopped. He couldn’t leave his elf. No. He’d dragged him into this mess and he couldn’t leave him there. What should he do? He could order him to get away from the manor and run some place safe, but Severus knew he’d never leave him.

He’d have to bring him some place safe. Some place he’d be happy.

Immediately, a word sprung into his mind which hadn’t been there for over a year.

Hogwarts.

Of course. The headmaster would allow Gorgon to stay. After all, even while trapped in this hell, Gorgon hadn’t done anything wrong asides from helping him with potions. He’d surely let Gorgon stay. And then his elf could be happy. It was the last thing Severus could do for him.

Severus bit his lip. He couldn’t tell his elf his entire plan, though. His elf would disapprove and declare that he’d kill himself too so he could accompany his young master to hell. No, no, no. That wouldn’t be right. His elf deserved better. Much better.

“Elf, elf, we need to get to Hogwarts,” he whispered in Elfish, his mind still feverishly working.

Gorgon could hardly suppress a grin of pride at hearing the words he had been praying to hear for months. Finally his young master had seen the pit he had dug himself into and was trying to climb out. And Gorgon would help him even if it killed him.

“Yes, young master. But that not so easy.”

Severus shook his head, wiping smudges of blood and tears off his cheek. “No, no. Master would find out. He’d see it in my head like he always sees it when Bella and I are talking,” he whispered, eyes widening with fear.

Master couldn’t find out what Severus was planning. He’d stop him. He wouldn’t want to lose his precious serpent. His precious whore.

Gorgon frowned for a long moment, thinking this over. Finally, he smiled.

“Well, it not easy, but it not impossible. We is just needing good plan.”

 

**June 28 th, 1979**

**The Dark Manor**

 

Severus took a deep, calming breath. He was ready. He knew exactly what he was going to say. The Banshees were quietly humming in his mind, satisfied with the tiny amount of crystals Gorgon had let him have. Gorgon knew that their plan could only work if his young master had all his wits about him. Besides, this had been the last time. If everything worked out, by tonight, Severus would on his way to hell and his elf would be safe at Hogwarts.

The black doors quietly swung open and Severus walked in, immediately prostrating himself and crawling along the floor towards his master. He was sitting in his chair, quietly reading and didn’t even glance up as Severus crawled to his feet.

Finally, he sighed quietly, shut the book and sent it back to the shelf. Then he glanced down.

“What is it, my serpent?”

Severus swallowed. “I need to speak to master about something very important,” he whispered, not daring to raise his voice.

Lord Voldemort straightened up, his eyes hardening. “Did my serpent do something wrong?”

Severus shook his head. “No, master.” That much was true. He hadn’t done anything wrong…yet. He’d only been thinking very bad thoughts. He wanted to avoid lying to master if at all possible. He didn’t think he could manage that. One didn’t lie to master. It just wasn’t done.

His master relaxed a bit and then leaned down and gently lifted his mask off and pushed his hood off and then stroked his cheek, smiling down at him.

For a moment, Severus felt torn. For a moment, he felt love for his master flooding him and he wanted to curl up at his feet and stay there forever, but then he found himself seeing what was behind that smile.

It wasn’t a smile of adoration or love. It was a smile of possession.

“What did you want to say?”

Severus forced his mind back onto his task. “Uhm, I have been thinking a lot about the war, master and why master hasn’t won yet.” Fearing that master would be insulted by that, Severus hurried on. “I realized it was because some people just didn’t understand master’s vision of our world and that he only wants what’s best for everyone.”

Lord Voldemort smiled softly and nodded as Severus knew he would. He had lain at his feet for too many months, listening to him droning on and on about his new world order and how it would benefit all wizards and bring about a newer and better world.

“And then I thought that if some of those people who are stupid enough to go against master would be silenced then master wouldn’t have anymore problems.”

“Too true, my dear serpent, too true.”

“And, well, I know one of those people is Headmaster Dumbledore—”

At the mere mention of the name, Lord Voldemort stiffened and clenched his fist but Severus hurried on.

“If one were to find a way to silence him then master’s task would be much easier, wouldn’t it?”

His master chuckled softly, a grating sound that scraped along Severus’ nerves.

“One doesn’t simply walk into that pathetic school of hogwash and kill that old fool, my serpent. Something like that takes very much planning and can’t be accomplished by someone as mediocre and with such pathetic talents such as yourself.”

Severus couldn’t agree more, but he carefully slumped his shoulders and forced tears into his eyes.

Lord Voldemort saw the tears and smiled. “My serpent doesn’t need to be ashamed that he’s stupid. My serpent serves me in many other ways. I don’t need another assassin.”

Severus swallowed a hopefully convincing sob. “But I wanted to help master win the war,” he whispered.

His master chuckled and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. “Such delusions, my dear serpent.”

Severus allowed the tears to flow down his face for an extra moment or two, just as Gorgon had instructed. Then he glanced upwards quickly before staring at the floor again.

“Maybe, maybe killing the old fool isn’t what master needs right now. But maybe Dumbledore can be helpful in other ways.”

Lord Voldemort absentmindly studied his fingernails. “Mm hm.”

Severus realized he was losing his master’s interest and he had to hurry. “Maybe if somebody were at Hogwarts with him, somebody who could learn of his plans and then report them to you, master, then it would make things easier.”

His master frowned and brought one of his fingernails up for closer inspection before sighing and letting his pale arm drop back onto the armrest. “My serpent, you are being tiresome and I am quickly getting tired of this. The old fool wouldn’t let one of my children walk into that school of his and share any information with them.”

This was his chance. Severus licked his dry lips. “Maybe he would if he cared about them enough.”

Silence greeted this. Severus was half afraid that master had gotten lost with his thoughts on one of his books, but then he felt his face being turned upwards until he was looking up at his  master.

Lord Voldemort studied him intently for a few moments before steepling his fingers. “You were close to the old fool, weren’t you?”

Severus nodded and then forced an expression of resentment on his face. “I was, master, but he betrayed me. He loves nobody but his Gryffindor sluts.”

“Hm, yes, that’s true. And this didn’t make my serpent happy, did it?”

Severus shook his head. Then his master chuckled.

“Oh, my serpent. So this is why this entire discussion is here,” he chuckled quietly. “Did you think I wouldn’t see through what you were trying to do? Oh, my serpent will never understand that I know everything.”

Severus allowed fear to spark in his eyes. There was true fear in his heart that his plan would come crashing down around his ears any moment, but things appeared to be going in the right direction. As long as master firmly believed he was controlling the situation and Severus was just his dumb slut, stumbling around everywhere, things would be fine.

“So, you want to do your master this service and help bring about our new world, and you also want revenge against that old mutt.”

Severus nodded, his eyes glowing. It was working. It was actually working.

Lord Voldemort smiled for a moment, thinking this over. Then he glanced down at him.

“Well, well, well. My little serpent wants to be a spy. Whoever would have thought?” he chuckled, and then grew serious. “Well, my serpent if I send you to him, it won’t be easy. You’ll have to gain his trust. Make him believe you have renounced me,” he chuckled again at the absurdity of this statement.

Severus felt a tiny bit of anger welling up inside of him at the mere thought of renouncing master. He couldn’t help it.

His master saw the anger and gently stroked his cheek. “Now, now, calm yourself, my dear serpent. He need never know what’s in your head the way I do. You will use all the hard training I have given you to please him and draw him closer and when he whispers his secrets into your ear, you’ll pay careful attention and bring them back to me.”

Severus nodded, eyes glowing. Momentarily, he found himself feeling enormously proud at being able to do this service for his master. Then he remembered that he wouldn’t be doing this at all and that he’d be dead by tonight and that master hated him, but oh, he loved master and master was willing to let him do this for him. Severus sighed happily, not even bothering to puzzle over the half deranged and twisted workings of his mind. It didn’t matter if he was crazy. Everybody in hell was crazy.

His master gently grasped his chin and smiled at him. “You will need to stay with him for about a month to make it believable. I will not summon you for that time, my precious one, and when you have started worming you way into his confidence, you will come back and tell me of your successes.” He sighed and studied him quietly. “Oh, I will miss my serpent. I will still have my raven, of course, but it won’t be the same.”

For a moment, regret welled up within him. He didn’t want to leave master with just Bella for company. But Bella would take care of master. She always had.

Tears threatened to overwhelm him as he realized he was about to leave master forever.

Seeing the tears, Lord Voldemort smiled gently. “Now, don’t cry, my serpent. You will be back very soon. After all, I am your master and I always will be.”

Severus smiled, a part of him feeling completely grateful for these words. Another part of him which had lain in deep slumber his entire life was slowly starting to stir, adding to the smile on his face.

He was about to betray his master. He wouldn’t come back. Not ever.

And that small, traitorous part of himself started laughing, hating the pale man sitting before him with all its newborn strength.

 

*             *             *

 

Bella crossed her arms over her chest and tears welled up in her eyes. “A month, Sevvie? But I’ll be all alone.”

He tried to smile reassuringly but hated himself for it. He was about to leave his bondmate forever too. Bella meant everything to him just as much as he did to her. He wondered what she would do later that night when she woke up and found the collar had come off and that her bondmate had died.

“It’ll be okay, Bella. It’s only a month.”

Her lower lip trembled and he sighed, gently grasping her chin and forcing her to look at him. “We still have our bond, Bella. I’ll always be with you, no matter what.” He hated lying to her, but didn’t want to hurt her anymore than he was already going to.

She smiled suddenly and sniffed back her tears. “Of course we do. I’m such a silly girl.”

He smiled. “Yeah. Now, you must take very good care of master while I’m gone.”

She nodded. “Of course I will. It’s most important. Master needs us and loves us.”

Severus stared at her. For a moment, one tiny, little moment, he wanted to tell her the truth, but looking at her wide grin and empty eyes, he knew it wouldn’t make a difference. Bella would never allow herself to understand.

With a happy nod, she giggled, kissed him on the cheek and then swept out of the room. Severus stared after her, realizing that this had been the last time he’d see his bondmate. Swallowing hard, he slowly turned back to his room and pushed thoughts of Bella out of his head.

It was time. Time to put an end to this miserable hell he’d landed himself and his elf in by his own twisted stupidity.

Clutching the doorframe, Severus stared around his room, fear and uncertainty flooding him.

His elf was busily shrinking all his books and their blankets and stuffing them into a bag. When he was done, he hoisted the bag over his shoulder and nodded at his young master.

“We ready to go,” he whispered in Elfish. “Gorgy knowing that taking some scrolls for headmaster to take to ministry would be good, but not risking it.”

Severus stared at him, hardly paying attention to his prattling. He was about to leave master forever.

He was about to betray master.

Feeling his knees going weak, he slid down the wall beside the door, slowly crawling away from it, shaking.

Gorgon hurried over to him. “No, no, no. Young master must not lose courage now. We so close,” he whispered.

Severus stared at him. What had he been thinking? How could he possibly leave master?

“Elf, we can’t do this. We can’t leave master.” He whispered in Elfish.

Gorgon’s eyes flooded with despair but he crossed his arms across his chest, trying to look tough. “Yes, we can. Dark master given his permission to go to Hogwarts, no?”

“Yes, but—”

“And we must do what dark master says, no?”

“Yes, but—”

The words died in his throat. Yes, he had to obey master and go to Hogwarts, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave master. He couldn’t betray him. Love for his master flooded him and tears overwhelmed him.

“Gorgon, I love master.”

Gorgon clutched his hands and wiped tears off his cheeks. “Gorgy knows, young master. But dark master did evil things to young master. Young master can’t stay here. Dark master not loving him.” The Elfish words sounded so soothing in contrast to what they really meant.

Severus bit his lip, sobbing soundlessly now. “I know,” he whispered, despair flooding him.

He drew courage from his old elf and slowly pushed himself up. He consoled himself by saying that it didn’t matter. None of it mattered. In a few hours, he’d be dead.

He reached down and felt the outline of the small vial in his robe pockets. Hell in a bottle. It was nothing less than he deserved. He had nearly killed his elf and he was betraying his master. He was a terrible person and deserved to die.

Straightening up, he took the bag from his elf and then turned to the door. He froze on the doorstep one more time, his courage nearly leaving him, but his elf squeezed his hand and together, they slowly started off down the corridor, just the two of them, like they had done two previous times, with a small sack of books and blankets swung over Severus’ shoulders.

They had fled hell together once before and had been given a chance to live in the light and now they would flee again and crawl back to that light. Although Severus knew he could never belong to that light, he knew his elf could and it was the last thing he could do for him.

Forcing his legs to keep walking, he walked down the dark corridors towards the stables where Xira was. If they were all going to flee hell, then he’d make damn sure his thestral could escape too. Gorgon wasn’t the only one who deserved a better life and who he had dragged with him into hell. He only regretted not being able to take Bella with him, but he knew that just like Evans hadn’t understood his reasons for running back to the dark, Bella wouldn’t understand his reasons for running back to the light.

 

**June 29 th, 1979**

**Hogwarts School Grounds**

 

The closer they got to the edge of the Forbidden Forest, the more his courage deserted him. His mark was dully throbbing, irritated with the enormous amount of light magic which permeated even these dark woods.

Severus tightly clutched Xira’s mane and felt himself shaking. He was terrified. Absolutely terrified. What if the headmaster didn’t allow Gorgon to stay? What if they ran across some Aurors and they killed both of them on sight?

“Stop, Xira. Stop,” he whispered. Obediently, the thestral stopped walking and stood at attention, waiting for her next order. She had never questioned where her young rider took her and she never would. She didn’t care which master her young rider served, since she only served one master and always would. If Severus wanted to leave Hogwarts and go to the Dark Manor, she’d take him. If he wanted to leave the Dark Manor and return to Hogwarts, then she’d bring him back.

Severus slowly slid off her back and nearly crumbled on the ground. It was pitch black around him but the months of living in near darkness had once again perfected his night vision. Gorgon leaned down from the thestral and gently laid a hand on his shoulder.

“Is young master ready to keep going? Not much further. Side entrance to History classroom just around big tree there,” He whispered in Elfish.

Severus wrapped his shaking arms around himself, willing himself not to turn and run off.

He had a mission which needed to be completed. He needed to do this last thing for his elf.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to rub soothing circles over his itching mark, but then ignored it and started forward again, keeping one hand on Xira’s mane. He did this partly to keep himself upright and partly to prevent himself from spinning around and running off.

 

*             *             *

 

Albus lay in his bed, fast asleep when suddenly, the little picture frame with a picture of Hogwarts at sunset lit up in a dark red color. At the same time, the doorknob to his bathroom started spinning and whining quietly and Fawkes awoke with a start on his perch.

Albus sat up with a jerk, his wand already in his hands. Putting his glasses on, he quickly squinted around the room, relaxing slightly when he realized that there was nobody else in there except for his phoenix.

Fawkes’ eyes were wide and he flew onto Dumbledore’s shoulders. “ _Something dark is out there, Albus. I can feel it_.”

Dumbledore gave the phoenix a reassuring pat and then pushed the covers off himself. Stepping into his slippers, he quickly waved his wand to silence his various detectors and then strode into his adjoining office.

The room was abuzz with whirring and screeching sounds of detectors and the wails and complaints of the old headmistresses and headmasters as they woke up, clearly alarmed.

Dumbledore held up a soothing hand. “It’s alright, everyone. Calm down please. It won’t do to have the entire castle alerted to this. If there are intruders nearby then we have a better chance at catching them if they think we are unaware of their presence for as long as possible.”

With grumbles and some worried sighs, the portraits calmed down. Phineas frowned and opened his mouth to express his very different opinion on the matter, but Dumbledore held up a hand. “Not now, please, Phineas.”

Hurrying to his desk, the headmaster opened the bottom drawer to reveal a clutter of quills, chocolate frog wrappers, parchment and various other bits and pieces of trash. Carefully moving the quills into a distinct pattern, he shut the drawer again, tapped it with his wand and then pulled it open again. The entire drawer was now full of a shimmering silver liquid. As the headmaster carefully studied it, the liquid sparkled slightly and started to grow darker. As he watched, he could slowly see the shapes of trees becoming clearer and some figures walking amongst them.

He frowned. They were coming through the Forest. He was about to run off and cut them off before they could reach the front doors, but then he paused, something about the image having caught his eye.

One of the figures was riding on what appeared to be a thestral, and the other was slowly stumbling by its side, one hand holding onto the creature’s mane.

What had given the headmaster pause was the fact that the thestral’s rider appeared to be a very small person. Too small to be a wizard. Perhaps an elf then. But what kind of a Death Eater would bring his or her elf with them to assassinate him?

He squinted harder, poking the liquid with his wand and urging it to become clearer.

Moments later, the shape sitting on the thestral cleared up and the headmaster saw the missing ear and the long scar on the old elf’s face.

It was Gorgon.

His heart leaping into his throat, he shook the drawer and nearly kicked it to make the other figure clearer. It had to be…after all, who else would Gorgon accompany in the middle of the night? It had to be…

The liquid stretched itself as tightly as it could and the image started fading, having completely exerted itself.

The headmaster stared hard at the figure stumbling beside the thestral until he saw the long dark hair and the pale skin.

It was him.

Hands shaking, the old man clutched his desk for support and collapsed in his chair. He had come back. His darkling child had come back.

The more rational part of his mind yelled at him that Severus had probably been sent to kill him or steal something, but his heart wasn’t listening.

Quickly, he got up and hurried to his closet. Pulling the knob outwards, he waited until he saw symbols appearing on the edge of it. Twisting the knob, he spun it to the one symbol, then to another and then spun it the other way until he reached the last one.

As soon as the last symbol had been reached, all the detectors in his room—and everywhere else in the castle—were silenced.

“ _Albus, why on earth did you turn them off? We need to alert the remaining staff members immediately! Just thank Merlin that the children all left a few days ago! Would you imagine what a horrid situation this could turn into? Albus? Are you listening? Why are the detectors off_?”

Dumbledore turned and stared at his phoenix. “ _Fawkes, he’s back_ ,” he whispered mentally, hardly daring to believe the words.

Fawkes stared at him. “ _Who’s back_?”

“ _Severus. I’m sure of it. I saw him in the Forest just now. He’s with Gorgon and I assume Xira_.”

Fawkes’ eyes nearly fell out of his head and he gaped but then quickly shook himself. “ _Albus, please be reasonable. I know how badly you’ve wanted this, but you can’t allow sentiment to override your judgement! We both know who probably sent him here and why and you’ll just make yourself an easier target if you invite him in with open arms_.”

The headmaster sighed, knowing it was true. “ _But there is still a chance he came here of his own free will, Fawkes. I won’t turn him away until I’ve convinced myself that he is here with ill intentions_.”

Fawkes sighed, but then nodded. “ _Very well. Let’s invite him in then_.” With another sigh and grumbling about their world coming to an end and inviting evil in for tea, the phoenix flew to his perch and started cleaning his feathers.

The headmaster slowly went and sat down behind his desk, twisting his trembling hands together in his lap. He was back. For what purpose, the headmaster didn’t know, but he was back. That meant he had a chance to explain and to apologize and to try and make things right.

Moments later, his fireplace roared to life and Minerva’s anxious face appeared.

“Albus? What’s going on? All the detectors went off and then were suddenly silenced!”

The headmaster tried to give his deputy headmistress a reassuring smile but he was trembling too much to make it believable.

“It’s alright, Minerva. A group of Death Eaters flew too close to the wards. I saw them pass and none of them seemed too interested in stopping for a visit.”

She frowned but immediately accepted his word and nodded.

“Very well, then. If you’re sure everything is under control I shall be going back to bed.”

“Yes, yes. Everything’s fine. I’ll stay up a while longer and keep an eye on things but don’t worry about it.”

Nodding firmly, Minerva bid him a good night and disappeared, his fire turning back to its cheerful golden color..

He patiently waited until the little statue of a gargoyle sitting on his bookshelf turned and stared at him. “You have a visitor down below, headmaster. A young, filthy and shifty looking boy and an old, dirty elf. They’re both trying to figure out what the password is. Should I blast them down the hallway?”

“No, my dear friend. Let them up. I know you don’t approve but trust that I have my reasons. Let them think that they have guessed the password right. I don’t want them knowing they were expected.”

The gargoyle nodded before turning away and becoming motionless again. The headmaster felt the faint vibrations in his desk as the larger gargoyle guarding his office entrance spun out of the way, revealing the long staircase. He heard the stones starting to grind as the staircase moved upwards, but suddenly, the stairs slowed down. The headmaster knew that if somebody on the stairs was hysterically afraid about seeing him, the stairs would slow down and allow them to gather themselves back together before continuing.

Putting his wand up to his ear, he muttered a charm, allowing him to hear the conversations of people coming up his stairs.

_\---“Come, young master. Only a few more moments.”_

_\---A half stiffled sob. “I can’t, Gorgon. I can’t. I’m too scared.”_

_\---“We come this far already and what took most courage was walking out of dark master’s door. Young master managed that and can now do this. Young master strong enough.”_

_\---“That was different. The headmaster will hate me more than master does.”_

_\---“We not knowing this until we go up and explain, no?”_

Silence. Then slowly, the staircase started moving again, going much slower than it usually did. Albus slowly undid the charm.

The headmaster stared at his door, his heart threatening to burst once more. Assassins who were coming to kill him would not be having such a conversation right outside his door. And they wouldn’t be having any sort of conversation in Elfish. And no Death Eater the headmaster had met had ever dared to suggest that their dark lord hated them. If anything, they would fly off in a rage at the mere suggestion and nothing and nobody could calm them down.

His hands trembling, the old man slowly started allowing himself to believe what he hadn’t even dared dream about for more than a year. His child had returned. Why he had done so was anybody’s guess, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he had come back.

He barely heard the faint knock on his door and he forced himself to clear his throat and sound normal as he called for them to enter. Quietly, he called for the lights in the room to dim to a minimum, knowing how sensitive his visitor’s eyes were to light and now they were probably much worse.

There was a long pause and he thought he heard some Elfish words being muttered frantically between the two of them, before the door slowly swung open.

He pretended to shuffle some papers around on his desk, wanting to allow them both a moment to gather themselves.

Then he slowly glanced up and the sight which met his eyes nearly made him burst into tears of anguish.

Gorgon looked thinner than he had when he left and he walked with a more pronounced limp than before and he had dirty smudges on his face, but appeared largely unharmed.

But Severus, his precious child looked so near death that the headmaster hardly recognized him. His robes hung in tatters around him, the fabric faded, worn and utterly filthy. His hands were bleeding and covered in scratches and were madly tearing at the hem of his sleeves, the threads already starting to come out. But his face, his face was what shocked the headmaster most.

His normally pale, thin face was so gaunt and stark white that his dark, sunken eyes looked eerily out of place and were surrounded by dark circles which resembled bruises more than anything else. There were cuts and bruises on his face and the skin was stretched so tightly over the bones that they looked like they might snap through. His hair hung limply past his shoulders, twisted in tangles and covered in sticks and filth. Around his neck, the headmaster saw a thick black collar studded with silver dark marks and a large, silver ring in the front. It too was filthy and looked like it hadn’t been removed in months. The broken, filthy teenager stared at him with those huge eyes, devoid of all hope and happiness.

The headmaster wanted nothing more than to rush over, pull his precious child into his arms and help him heal, but he first wanted to hear why Severus was here.

It was finally Gorgon who broke the silence, looking back and forth between his young master and the headmaster who were staring at each other, one with nothing glimmering in their dark depths and the other with excruciating anguish.

“Hello, headmaster. Gorgon hopes we not interrupting anything. We knowing it quite late and we being quite rude, but we thinking that this is best time to come,” he said quietly in Elfish, habit keeping him from using English since his young master had nearly panicked everytime Gorgon had said a single word in the wizard’s language since they had left the dark manor.

The headmaster tore his eyes off Severus with extreme difficulty and focused on Gorgon.

“Hello, Gorgon. You’re not interrupting anything. May I offer you both a seat?”

Gorgon glanced at his young master, who appeared to be slowly coming out of his shock and was staring at the chairs with horror.

“Uhm, that quite alright. We not used to sitting down a lot these days. Standing is fine.”

The headmaster nodded and also remained standing.

Gorgon stared around the office for a while, smiling when he saw Fawkes, but then he focused his attentions back on their task. He glanced at his young master.

“So? What was young master needing to say to headmaster?” He whispered quietly.

Severus stared at him with wide eyes before widening them in horror. “I forgot,” he whispered in Elfish.

Gorgon smiled gently. “It was about us having made something. What did we make?”

Severus frowned and stared at his elf, seeming to be trying very hard to remember. Then he clutched his head with his hands and squeezed his eyes shut. “I can’t remember, elf. The Banshees are screaming too loudly,” he muttered, sounding close to tears.

The headmaster had exchanged an alarmed look with Fawkes at the mention of Banshees, but Gorgon waved a hand and sighed softly. “No, no, it alright. Young master just tell Banshees to be quiet for a moment. Banshees will start humming later, not now.”

Severus grit his teeth and drew in a deep breath, his face paling even more before he slowly opened his eyes again.

“A mistake. That’s what we made. A mistake. A big one.”

“Big mistake.”

“Yes, a big, big mistake. Because—because master doesn’t like chicken and soup and master doesn’t like Charles Turner and so—and so Giselle didn’t either and maybe she didn’t like chicken or soup either and—and the crystals liked master—the Banshees were always humming—and—and—we need to find out that girl’s name and tell her parents, and we can’t ask her because—because she’s dead so she can’t talk and—and she never knew where the crystals were, the Banshees are sure of that—and maybe her mother was Giselle’s mother—”

The headmaster stared at him. He could hardly understand the whispered, muttered nonsense coming from the child, but he sensed this was very important so he didn’t interupt. Gorgon was nodding encouragingly and Severus was frowning in deep concentration as he spoke. Obviously this was something which Severus had spent a lot of time thinking about, but the headmaster started fearing for his child’s sanity. Maybe it was too late already.

After rambling on for a bit longer, Severus paused and stared at his elf helplessly. Gorgon motioned with his hands for him to continue.

“So what did that make young master realize?”

“Uhm, well, I like chicken and soup and Giselle liked Charles Turner since, well—well he had a lot of money and his mother was really nice and—and we need to find the girl’s name, Gorgon, we need to find the girl’s name—”

Gorgon shook his head. “No, no. Young master going off track. Tell headmaster very important part.”

Severus stared at him and the headmaster could see him trembling and close to tears from the effort this had taken.

“Uhm, I realized that—the important part is—I realized that—that—” At that point, Severus burst into tears and crumbled onto the floor, Gorgon immediately soothing him with quiet words. “It alright. Young master can say it.”

“I can’t, Gorgon. I’m scared. What if he hears me?” Came the terrified, sobbing whisper.

The headmaster took a few steps around his desk and crouched down before them.

“Tell me in Elfish. He can’t understand Elfish no matter how close he is.”

Severus glanced up and sniffed a few times, his enormous, dark eyes staring at the headmaster. Then he nodded slowly and licked his dry lips.

“Uhm—”

“I realized that—” the headmaster started in Elfish, trying to encourage him.

Severus stared at him. “You realized that—”

“No, no, not me, dear. You. You realized something.”

“Yes, yes. That’s right. I realized…I realized that..that master doesn’t love me,” he whispered, the Elfish words barely coherent.

Severus stared at him with such fear that the headmaster thought about taking a few steps back, but then realized it wasn’t him the young, ill wizard was so afraid of.

The headmaster took a few moments to let that statement sink in. If he hadn’t known how Tom Riddle’s mind worked and if he hadn’t seen dozens of his infatuated, half deranged followers over the past few years, the significance of that statement might have flown by him. But it didn’t. It slammed into him and the importance of that one, whispered sentence became so much more.

Gorgon was waving his hands, urging him to continue. Obviously there was more to this.

Severus pressed his lips together, glanced around his office in obvious fear and then slowly shook his head.

“He’ll hear us, elf. He’ll hear us.”

The headmaster shook his head. “No, my dear. These castle walls are well guarded. He can’t hear you no matter how badly he might want to. You’re safe here.”

Severus stared at him for a long moment before he swallowed hard, twisting trembling hands together. “So we, so we—we decided to leave master. For good. We left the crystals too but the Banshees don’t realize it yet, and the mark doesn’t either, but they’ll know soon.”

The headmaster frowned, seriously becoming concerned with this Banshee business, but deciding that at the moment, this wasn’t the most important part.

What was important was that Severus had somehow managed to crawl out of the darkness and come back to him. A small part of him was still wary about this and knew that he shouldn’t put it past Tom to send Severus to him and make him renounce him in an effort to crawl into his confidence.

But looking at the broken, terrified child crouching on his office floor, he found himself thinking that Mr. Riddle might have picked someone who hadn’t been shattered into thousands of pieces. And Severus had never been a good liar. It was something Lily Potter had always lamented about. And if he was lying about this, he was doing a damn good job of it. The only problem was that the headmaster doubted Severus was in good enough shape to pull off such a convincing performance looking so close to death.

Dumbledore smiled. “That must have taken great courage, my dear.”

Severus stared at him and Gorgon muttered something about him having no idea.

Then Severus suddenly seemed to remember something. His eyes widened and he glanced at his elf. “Gorgon, I need to speak with the headmaster immediately. Alone.”

Gorgon frowned. Obviously this hadn’t been a part of their carefully put together plan.

“Gorgy not wanting to leave young—”

Severus clutched his old elf’s hand and stared at him with wide eyes. “Please, elf. I don’t have much time.”

Gorgon and the headmaster both frowned at him. Severus stared at them both before stammering that it would be light soon and they would have to hide.

The old elf slowly nodded before excusing himself, but not before shooting the headmaster a serious look. The headmaster had seen that look too many times not to know what it meant. I don’t care who you are but if you hurt him, I’ll kill you.

The headmaster nodded back gravely, understanding and accepting the warning.

Once Gorgon had stepped outside the room, Severus turned to the headmaster, looking nervous and still terrified, but seemingly determined.

“Headmaster, there is something so very important I have to ask. In the morning, when the Aurors come to take me and the Banshees and Giselle to Azkaban for thinking nasty thoughts and dreaming about chicken, then I beg of you to let Gorgon stay here. You know he’ll want to come, but he can’t come with me, master. He doesn’t deserve it. Well, Giselle doesn’t either but as long as the Aurors take Charles Turner too then she’ll be happy—”

The headmaster frowned, on the verge of asking who on earth these two obviously important individuals were, but decided to save his questions for later.

“—but Gorgon doesn’t deserve that, master. He deserves so much better and he was so happy here at Hogwarts. Please, master, I don’t care what you let them do to me, but please let Gorgon stay here.”

The headmaster smiled sadly. “First of all, please don’t call me master,—”

“Yes, master. Of course, master.” Severus breathed frantically, staring at him.

“And second of all, of course Gorgon may stay here. If you reassure me he hasn’t done anything wrong while you were away—”

“No, master. He’s been very good. He just helped make some potions but he just made the bases and bottled them and that’s not so bad. The crystals even approved of it, master.”

“In that case, Gorgon is more than welcome to stay here, my dear. This has always been Gorgon’s home and always will be. As for the Aurors, dear, I think we can leave off discussion about that until morning. You seem exhausted and could do with a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow all of our minds will be fresher and we can decide what to do.”

Severus was nodding with a vacant look in his eyes and the headmaster wasn’t sure if he had understood him, but he was smiling with satisfaction.

They stared at each other for another moment before Severus glanced down at the floor, unable to meet his eyes for long periods of time.

“Uhm, if master will allow me to, could I use the loo?” he whispered.

The headmaster briefly closed his eyes to blink back tears and then nodded, forcing a smile onto his face. “Of course, dear.”

Severus managed a thin, shaky smile but it faded as soon as it had come. He slowly pushed himself up and shuffled towards the headmaster’s bedroom and the adjoining bathroom. Right before he passed through the door, he looked back at the headmaster.

“Thank you, master,” he whispered. Right before he closed the door, he spied Gorgon coming back into the room. The old elf immediately frowned with worry.

“Does young master want Gorgy to come with him?”

Severus stared at him for a long moment and then smiled gently. “No, Gorgon. I’ll be fine. You did enough already. Thank you.”

Gorgon nodded, still looking worried, but walked towards the headmaster’s desk. The headmaster watched out of the corner of his eye as Severus stood in the open door, silently staring at his elf with empty eyes before gently shutting the door.

Perhaps it was just shock and lingering fear, the headmaster mused, gesturing for Gorgon to please have a seat. He wasn’t too worried about Severus doing anything harmful in his bedroom or bathroom. The dark detectors and his furniture would protect anything which was of value.

The old elf sighed heavily and lowered himself into the chair, constantly throwing worried glances at the shut door.

“Would you like a cup of tea, old friend?”

Gorgon sighed and looked close to tears. “Oh, Gorgy would, headmaster. Gorgy would.”

Dumbledore waved his wand and two steaming cups of tea appeared on his desk. Handing one to Gorgon, he leaned back, staring at the old elf as he smiled faintly and warmed his hands on the cup.

He waited patiently while Gorgon took a few sips and relaxed somewhat. Then Gorgon put the cup down and stared at the headmaster.

“Headmaster may use legilimens charm now. Gorgy ready.”

Dumbledore’s eyebrows rose. Gorgon smiled. “Gorgy knows that headmaster suspicious of our intentions and thinking that dark master sending us here. Well, this true. Dark master is sending us here, but not for what headmaster thinking. We not able to leave dark master without good excuse so we make up good plan. Took very much courage for young master to do it, but did it. We allowed to stay away for one month until dark master suspecting that we not going back.”

“He expects you both to return?”

Gorgon nodded and then waved a dismissive hand. “Yes, but we not going back. What we do tomorrow, Gorgy not knowing, but we not going back. We made big mistake.”

The elf sighed heavily and traced the rim of his tea cup before glancing up again.

“Gorgy knows that headmaster not trusting Gorgy or young master without knowing true intentions, so Gorgy will let headmaster see everything. Good and bad. Gorgy knows would be best if headmaster could see in young master’s mind, but that is not good place right now. Very confused. Everything muddled.”

The headmaster nodded. “Very well, then. If you’re sure.”

“Yes, yes. Headmaster can go in and look all around. Gorgy has nothing to hide from headmaster, especially if this help young master.”

Taking a deep breath, the elf sat up straighter and looked the headmaster right in the eyes.

Nodding, Dumbledore quietly muttered “ _Legilimens_ ” and immediately felt his consciousness diving into the old elf’s mind.

Immediately, images and words whirled around him, fragments bits of memory flying randomly all over the place in a desperate effort of Gorgon’s mind to allow the headmaster to see everything.

“ _Alright, my friend. Slow it down. Just relax. I’ll wander around a bit and take a look around_.”

 

Hearing that she was alive, Severus ignored what they were saying to each other and immediately turned to Gorgon. “Hurry, elf. Do a healing spell or give her a potion, anything at all.” When Gorgon simply stared at his mistress, his eyes clouding with sadness, Severus glared at him. “Don’t just sit there, gawking, elf! Hurry up! Do something!” he yelled. He froze when he felt a weak hand clutching his own. He glanced down.

_“Now stupid elf pay for protecting filth that kill master.” The elf hissed softly._

_In the elf’s trembling hand was the crooked, old shape of Gorgon’s wand._

_The old wizard cleared his throat. “You must be Severus.”_

_Severus clenched his jaw when he heard his name. For a moment, panic threatened to set in, but he suppressed it and kept glaring._

_“Get out of this house.” He hissed quietly._

_Gorgon’s eyes widened and sucked in a sharp breath. “Did he hurt young master badly?”_

_“No, elf, that’s just it. He didn’t lay a hand or a wand on me at all. He just told me you’d be fed in the kitchen and that I needn’t bother. But he wasn’t angry at all.”_

_Gorgon stared at him for a long moment before his eyes suddenly filled up with tears. He let out a loud sob and thanked Grindelwald for Dumbledore._

_“Such a kind, good man and we allowed to live with him. Oh, we so lucky, young master. Such a good man with good heart.” He wailed, burying his face in his young master’s robes._

_“The bird—it—it spoke to me. In my head, Gorgon! How can a bird speak in my head?” he cried, staring at his elf with wide eyes._

_Gorgon stared at him as if he had gone mad. “Bird spoke to young master? But Gorgy not heard anything and Gorgy sitting right there.”_

_Severus wildly shook his head. “No, you stupid creature! It spoke in my head! That’s why only I heard it!”_

_Severus glared up at her. He was about to tell her to go back to her bathroom and cry herself into the afterlife, but Gorgon gave him a hard look and then grinned up at the small girl._

_“Of course Miss Myrtle come and watch. Lots of room and nobody mind.”_

_Severus carefully kept his heavy transfiguration textbook levitated above his head as he climbed up the chute with one hand, his wand in the other._

_His elf’s anxious voice piped up from behind him. “Are we sure this is right chute?”_

_Evans scowled in exasperation when Fawkes squawked and edged even closer to Severus’ head after something rustled in a dark bush. Severus rolled his eyes. “Would you relax? It’s just a bunch of pixies. They can’t hurt us.”_

_Evans threw her tight braid over her shoulder and curiously stared at the wriggling, hissing bush._

_“Pixies? Really? Oh, can I see one? I’ve never seen any.”_

_“Why is young master so angry? Young master must please tell Gorgy quickly. Gorgy can help.”_

_Severus stared at his elf, before a slow, bitter smile spread over his face._

_“I don’t need help, elf.” He whispered in Elfish, his eyes glowing with rage. “I finally understand everything.”_

_He leaned over and poured out two glasses. He pushed one of them towards Severus, who immediately pushed it over to his elf, not even thinking about it as he was doing it. He caught Mr. Malfoy raising that amused, perfect eyebrow at him._

_Severus felt himself blushing slightly. “My elf doesn’t let me drink pure hard liquor, sir.” He stammered._

_“Gorgy not liking this Master Lucius,” his elf declared the moment they were back in the castle, safely locked in their room._

_Gorgon glared harder. “Young master will not lie to Gorgy! Young master was not in class. Young master took Miss Xira and was out somewhere. And Gorgy wants to know where. Where in world could young master go that is more important than going to classes?”_

_“Elf, we’re leaving,” Severus said._

_Gorgon stared up at the sixteen year old, quietly keeping any expression off his face._

_“Is young master sure this is what he want?” he asked quietly._

_Severus nodded and smiled. “You know it is, elf. We’re going to go and claim the life we’ve always deserved to have. We’ll never want for anything ever again.”_

_“What isn’t? This bull that You-Know-Who loves you all and will take care of you? What the hell is wrong with you, Sev? You really believe he’ll give you all that for nothing? He’ll destroy your life, Sev! He’ll take everything out of you that he wants and use those parts to make you do horrible things!”_

_Severus clenched his jaw, the smile vanishing. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Evans.” He hissed._

_“We’ve always been on two very different paths, Evans. You have yours, and I have mine. We started out on two different sides and we’ll end up on different sides. Slytherin and Gryffindor, Death Eater and Auror.”_

_She stared at him and angry tears slid down her cheeks. “Our differences never mattered to me, Sev, and you know it!”_

_He smiled at her, somewhat sadly. “They do now.”_

_Dobby loudly clapped his hands and quickly reprimanded them in Elfish to get up and make the two of them something to eat, using rather vulgar language as far as Elfish was concerned. Severus bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling and he heard Gorgon’s hiss of disapproval from behind him._

_“He’s got a mouth worse than Evans, huh?” Severus asked in quiet Elfish. His elf snorted, but unfortunately, Dobby had heard him._

_Severus bit his lip and glanced up the stairs to make sure nobody was coming. “Look, elf, we can’t go back. They’ll kill us if we run. Bellatrix told me they would. We’ve already gotten a foot in the door and we can’t take it back out. Besides, Bellatrix is really nice and she actually likes me and wants to be my friend and the manor is huge and we get a room all to ourselves and I get to have potions lessons and dark magic lessons and dueling lessons and everything.” Severus smiled at his elf, his tears already forgotten. “It’ll be fun, elf. You’ll see. There will be lots of other elves there too.”_

_“Oh, I did more than see him, elf! He actually spoke to me! He said Bella and I were both intelligent and capable! Can you believe it?”_

_Gorgon frowned. “He call two initiates to his chamber to say this?”_

_Severus glanced at him, knowing he was forgetting something vital. “Oh, yes! He also said that he approved of both of us and we would be his personal companions!”_

_Severus nervously fiddled with the sleeve of his robe, tugging on it. His elf reached up and gently smacked his hand._

_“Young master will tear threads out of robe again and Gorgy has no time to stitch back up properly. Young master must try to stand still!”_

_When they had both fallen asleep, Gorgon quietly sat down beside the two young sixteen year olds. He stared sadly at the ugly black marks surrounded by angry, blistered skin marring their pale white arms. But then his eyes drifted to the black collars on their necks, the pale light from a candle reflecting off the silver pendants attached to it. When his eyes reached the slim silver circle on the front of them, he sighed sadly and tears welled up in his eyes._

_“Grindelwald. What mess we get into now?” he whispered softly, wiping a gentle lock of hair off his young master’s pale face and watching him sleep._

_His elf’s eyes darkened. “So young master got book?”_

_Severus nodded. “Yes,” he smiled suddenly, imagining master’s pleased smile when he, Bella and the rest of their team showed him the book later that evening._

_His elf crossed his arms across his chest. “So it alright that poor old, innocent man was tortured and might never recover as long as Dark Master gets his book?”_

_“I’m going to do this whether you like it or not—”_

_“That not issue! Issue is whether young master wants to—”_

_“That’s irrelevant!” Severus yelled, his heart in his throat when he realized how quickly his elf had seen through his excuses. Fear of master finding out about this fuelled his desperation and he turned it into anger. “The only thing that matters is that master wants this potion by tonight and it needs to be tested. What I want and what you want and what this deranged thing wants are all irrelevant!”_

_His elf stiffened. “The only thing irrelevant here is what that mad man wants to—”_

_Severus felt as if somebody had slapped him. He gaped at his elf, eyes widening. His elf had dared insult master. His elf had dared to—!_

_“Get out,” he whispered in a shaky voice, so angry that he knew he would kill his elf if he wasn’t across the room from him._

_“Miss Bella and young master must lie still for a few more hours or tear wounds open again and backs will be ugly,” he mumbled, gently stroking Severus’ cheek and pushing strands of hair off Bella’s forehead._

_Severus smiled. “Thank you, Gorgon.”_

_“Now, Gorgy must go down to kitchen and see if more healing salve is available.”_

_“I have to go to the loo. I’ll be right back,” he whispered back._

_His elf nodded. “Young master wanting Gorgy to go with him?”_

_Severus quickly shook his head. Realizing that he might be acting a bit too abrupt, he smiled slightly. “It’s alright. I’ll be fine.”_

_His elf nodded. “Gorgy will wait until young master back.”_

_Severus grit his teeth. Damn, the old fool was being annoying. He carefully kept the smile on his face._

_“No, it’s alright. Go back to sleep. I’ll be fine.”_

_“Young master made her terrible potion and now must stay with her.”_

_Severus spun around, glaring at him. “This isn’t my fault, elf! If she weren’t such a filthy slut then this wouldn’t be a problem. Master knows spells that prevent this annoyance from occuring, but the other idiots she screws don’t use them and that isn’t my fault.”_

_His elf continued staring at him calmly, not effected by the sudden temper his young charge was displaying._

_“Young master will sit with her because he is her bondmate and she is needing him.”_

_“Is young master hungry?”_

_Severus glared at him, irritation and anger flooding him. “For the millionth time, I’m not hungry, elf! Now shut up!” He yelled, barely restraining himself from throwing his knife at the stupid old fool._

_“Young master must eat some proper food. This ridiculous. For weeks now, dark master saying young master and Miss Bella must eat nothing but biscuits and lettuce. This not food!”_

_Severus slammed the knife down on the table. “If master says that’s what we eat, then that’s what we eat! It’s none of your fucking business what we eat!” he yelled, shaking from rage._

_Gorgon stared at them, cold shock filling him. For a moment, he lost the ability to speak and think and all he could do was stare. Stare at the deadly poison which his young charge lovingly cradled in his hands, stroking the glass and smiling at it._

_“What is young master doing?” He asked, completely horrified._

_Severus didn’t appear to have heard him. He was gently unscrewing the lid of the jar when Gorgon reached forward and was about to rip the jar out of his hands. Severus’ smile vanished and with a snarl, he tore the jar out of his elf’s hands and quickly shuffled backwards on the floor, snarling and glaring at his elf and hugging the jar to himself._

_“It’s mind, you filthy creature! Mine!” he hissed, trembling, his eyes filled with hate._

_Gorgon gingerly stepped past the broken shards of glass and tried one more time. “Elf not prattling, young master. Gorgy just trying to make young master see that this is not good situation! Hell’s Breath dangerous and—”_

_“Shut up! You don’t know anything! Master says the crystals aren’t bad and that means they aren’t bad!”_

_Severus wearily pushed himself up on shaking arms and crawled over. He had no idea how many of the darkly robed figures in the room he’d been used by over the past hour and he didn’t care. His body was aching and exhausted and he needed his crystals._

_Crawling to Travers feet, he pushed himself up and was about to push his robes up further when suddenly, he spied a figure standing in the shadows of the room, staring at him._

_He was about to dismiss it, when he recognized the figure. He froze._

_It was Gorgon._

_“What did young master do?”_

_Severus clenched his shaking jaw together, trying to ignore the screaming in his mind to get out of the room and run to someone who had some of his precious crystals. His body started throbbing in agony and he nearly doubled over but he managed to glare at his elf._

_“She wouldn’t tell me where they were!” he screamed, rage filling him again. “She took them and she wouldn’t tell me where they were!”_

_Gorgon clenched his jaw. “Young master is stupid whore! Girl not knowing anything about crystals! Gorgy took crystals, not girl! Now girl dead!”_

_Severus’ last bit of control snapped. “Give them to me! You stupid, filthy creature! How dare you not give them to me?!”_

_“What young master going to do, huh? Kill Gorgy like girl?” Gorgon yelled back._

_“I’m sorry, Gorgon. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he sobbed in a whisper._

_“Shh, it’s alright. Gorgy is sorry too. Said some awful things.”_

_Severus shook his head. “No, they’re all true. I’m just like Father was.”_

_Gorgon shook his head firmly. “No. If young master were truly like old master then he would have killed Gorgy with no thinking.”_

_“But I almost did, Gorgon. I almost did. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”_

_“Shh, Gorgy forgives young master. It alright. Gorgy forgives.”_

_Curling up, Severus started sobbing again. “I gave him everything, Gorgon. Everything. And he said he loved us. He said so. But if he’s wrong about the crystals, if he was lying about those, then he could be lying about that too, couldn’t he?”_

_“No, no, no. Young master wrong. Headmaster not like that. Headmaster loving young master but not always understanding him. Yes, headmaster caring about Gryffindors, but loved young master.”_

_Severus frowned. “But he didn’t expel Black.”_

_Gorgon sighed again and felt tears in his eyes. So many misunderstandings. So many stupid misunderstandings and they had all landed them into this mess. His poor, misunderstood, broken young master who had been too damaged from childhood to ever look at the world the same way other people did._

_“Oh, Merlin, elf. I think I’ve made a big mistake,” he whispered, the enormity of his stupidity hitting him like a sledgehammer._

_Gorgon sighed. “Yes, we making big mistake. Enormous mistake.”_

_“Elf, elf, we need to get to Hogwarts,” he whispered in Elfish, his mind still feverishly working._

_Gorgon frowned for a long moment, thinking this over. Finally, he smiled._

_“Well, it not easy, but it not impossible. We is just needing good plan.”_

_He was about to betray master._

_Feeling his knees going weak, he slid down the wall beside the door, slowly crawling away from it, shaking._

_Gorgon hurried over to him. “No, no, no. Young master must not lose courage now. We so close,” he whispered._

_Severus stared at him. What had he been thinking? How could he possibly leave master?_

_“Elf, we can’t do this. We can’t leave master.” He whispered in Elfish._

_“Gorgon, I love master.”_

_Gorgon clutched his hands and wiped tears off his cheeks. “Gorgy knows, young master. But dark master did evil things to young master. Young master can’t stay here. Dark master not loving him.” The Elfish words sounded so soothing in contrast to what they really meant._

_Severus bit his lip, sobbing soundlessly now. “I know,” he whispered, despair flooding him._

_“Come, young master. Only a few more moments.”_

_A half stiffled sob. “I can’t, Gorgon. I can’t. I’m too scared.”_

_“We come this far already and what took most courage was walking out of dark master’s door. Young master managed that and can now do this. Young master strong enough.”_

 

Dumbledore slowly withdrew from Gorgon’s mind. He realized he was sobbing, tears streaming down his face. His poor darkling child! The trauma and pain of his childhood had scarred him for life and made him so starved for love and affection that he would run to anybody who promised them to him, blinding him to the real faces leering at him from behind those smiles.

He had failed him so miserably. Of that he was sure and he was also sure that he would never be able to forgive himself for it as long as he lived.

Taking a deep breath, he cleared his throat and fiddled with a quill on his desk for a few minutes while Gorgon stared at the floor.

“We making big mistake. Gorgy knows this. We making big, big, stupid mistake, and young master will have to suffer consequences of bad things he did. Gorgy should have gotten young master out sooner, but didn’t know how. And now might be too late.”

The headmaster slowly shook his head, determination flooding him. He reached over the desk and took one of the elf’s hands in his own. “No, old friend. It’s not too late. There is still time to save him. You got him out of the darkness—”

“Yes, but too much darkness inside of him now.”

“Darkness can always be vanquished with a single flicker of light, Gorgon. Yes, it will take time and we might fail, but at least his healing can begin. Only then will we start considering the consequences of his actions. He isn’t in any shape to comprehend those consequences now, but once he recovers, we can deal with them.”

Gorgon took a shaky breath and slowly raised his eyes up to the headmaster. “Headmaster is not knowing the true evil of Hell’s Breath. Withdrawal is fatal. Either body tears itself apart without crystals or person kills themselves when they not getting their crystals. Gorgy has seen it many, many times. And crystals is not the only addiction young master has. He loves dark master. Headmaster knows that this love as eternal as that filth on young master’s arm.”

“I never said it would be easy, Gorgon. But we will help him, and with time, I pray that Severus will be able to recover. He has great strength, Gorgon. The majority of it can be credited to you, and the rest of it, to his mother.”

Gorgon wiped tears off his cheek and gazed at the headmaster, wanting to believe those words and desperately wanting to believe that his young charge—whom he loved more than life itself—would be able to recover from this, but a part of him doubted it. Perhaps they were already too late.

Suddenly, they heard the sound of glass breaking from the headmaster’s bedroom. Frowning, Gorgon immediately pushed himself up and hurried towards the door. Equally alarmed, the headmaster followed him, his heart already in his throat.

 

*             *             *

 

Severus quietly shut the bedroom door, close to tears. Laying a trembling hand on the door, he swore he could feel his elf’s presence on the other side of it.

Love for his elf overwhelmed him and for a moment, he thought about not going through with it. He knew how hurt his elf would be to find him gone, but he had to do this. He had to let his elf live the life he deserved, and that one didn’t involve him.

Swallowing tears, he let his hands slide down the door. “Good bye, Gorgon. I love you,” he whispered.

Then he turned around and went into the bathroom, not bothering to turn on the lights. Shutting and locking the door, he thought about putting up a ward to keep people out, but then realized that the headmaster might be able to detect it.

Walking over the white tiles, he slowly slid down the wall furthest from the door and pulled out his bottle.

His hands were shaking and the Banshees in his head were starting to wail again, but he soothed them by reassuring himself that soon, it would all be over.

He had abandoned and betrayed anybody who had ever cared for him and had blindly sold his soul and love to the people who hated him and only wanted to use him. He wouldn’t ever make that mistake again. Especially because this last time, he had dragged his elf, his thestral and that poor, innocent girl with him and none of them had deserved it.

He gently uncorked the small bottle, dropping the cork onto the floor and staring at the small, innocent looking glass inside of which, the darkness of death awaited him.

There was no where else for him to go and nothing more for him to do. He had been given one chance, a chance he never deserved and he had thrown it all away for nothing.

Well, not nothing.

Anger quickly welled up within him and he slowly pushed up his left sleeve and glared at the ugly, black skull, whose eyes were glowing with a deep, blue color and the serpent which was angrily hissing in his head at being so near light magic.

Using his other hand, he tried to rub the disgusting mark off, but asides from his skin burning faintly, nothing happened.

He wasn’t going to die with this ugly brand on his arm, announcing to the world what an idiot and a whore he had been.

Quietly conjuring up a knife, he gripped it with shaking hands and then madly started slicing at the skin by his elbow, watching the blood well up and drip onto the white tiles. It hardly hurt and he was so used to knives cutting into his skin that he cut deeper, slicing through the skin, blood vessels and muscles. He started carving around the mark, determined to cut it off his skin, but to his horror, the skull’s eyes flared up in a bright green color and the cuts on the mark sealed themselves.

Gaping at it and nearly bursting into frustrated tears, he gripped the knife and started stabbing at the mark, digging into the leering, grinning skull, but every cut that touched the marked skin immediately healed.

He slumped against the wall, sobbing miserably. Master wouldn’t let him go. Even this close to death. He wouldn’t let him go. He’d have to die with this degrading filth on his arm.

Fine then. He grit his teeth. If he couldn’t cut the mark off, he’d make his other arm suffer even more, so when he got to hell, people wouldn’t know which arm looked worse.

Grasping the knife in his other hand, he started cutting into the skin of his other wrist, watching with grim satisfaction as the blood welled up. The blood ran in dark streams down his arm and onto the floor but he kept cutting, watching as his life slowly drained out of him.

But this wasn’t enough. This wouldn’t ensure that this nightmare of his own making would end. His mangled right arm wouldn’t move anymore so he used his left to lift the small bottle to his lips and drained the bitter tasting poison.

Immediately, ice flooded through him and he dropped the bottle onto the floor where it shattered.

Pain seized him and seemed to be tearing his insides apart. Gasping and gritting his teeth to keep from screaming, he doubled over from convulsions, retching and falling onto the white tiles smeared with blood. He lay there and stared at his outflung left arm where the skull and the serpent still leered at him. Severus smiled, feeling blood coming up his throat and coating his lips as his vision blurred and started to fade.

“I won,” he whispered, smiling at the skull and the serpent. Then he closed his eyes, eagerly awaiting complete darkness.

Suddenly, he heard noises coming from very far away. At first he thought they were sounds of hell, but then heard the bathroom door slamming open.

He forced his eyes open, hardly seeing anything through the blurry darkness and his eyelids felt so heavy that he shut them again, not wanting to bother.

He heard a gut wrenching cry and a loud wail and then felt his head being lifted into somebody’s lap.

“Young master? Young master please not do this! Please! Gorgy will help young master!”

Severus wanted to smile at his elf and tell him that everything would be alright now and he had helped himself, but he felt the blood pooling in his lungs and knew he couldn’t speak anymore.

His limbs felt heavier than usual and he sunk deeper into Gorgon’s lap, happy that he would die so close to his elf and the headmaster.

He felt something splashing onto his face and realized they must be his elf’s tears. Don’t cry, Gorgon, he wanted to say. I’ll be at peace soon.

He felt something warm and fuzzy being pressed to his wrists and heard his elf’s quiet sobbing.

Suddenly, another figure crouched down beside him and he felt a stone like object being forced into his mouth.

A Bezoar. He shook his head, gritting his teeth despite the enormous efforts it took to do so and refused it.

“Please, young master! Must open mouth!”

“Please, my child. This is not your time. Not yet. This isn’t the way it was meant to be.”

Oh, this was the way alright, but his limbs seemed to be agreeing with the headmaster. His mouth was forced open and the stone was inserted into his mouth. He gagged and nearly hurled but his elf’s soothing hands held him down.

“What did he take?”

“Gorgy not knowing, sir, wait, Gorgy smell it—yes, Gorgy knows it! Have many antidotes for it in dark manor!”

“Can you get there quickly, Gorgon? He doesn’t have more than five minutes. The poison has been slowed down but will finish its work.”

Gorgon madly fumbled around Severus’ collar and Severus felt him removing one of the pendants which could be used for apparating directly to the manor. Severus wanted to reach up and keep his elf with him until he died and keep him from running off and trying to save his miserable life but Gorgon had already disapparated with a crack.

He felt his head being lifted once more and felt gentle, old hands caressing his cheeks as healing magic poured into him, nearly lifting his body off the floor.

“Stay with us, my child. We’ll fix this mess, I promise you that. Seventeen is too young to die and you have so much more living to do. I know you are hurt and I know you have suffered greatly—us old busybodies have been having a long discussion in my office you see—but I will help you heal. I promise you that. I will take care of you.”

The words were spoken in quiet Elfish, some of them nearly lost in the quiet sobs shaking the old man as he gently pushed strands of long, matted black hair off the pale face and wiped streams of blood off Severus’ chin.

Severus listened to the quiet words, and suddenly, he found himself believing in them. He knew he shouldn’t trust the headmaster’s words since he would only betray him like everyone else had, but at the moment, those words meant more to him than anything else. How long he had wished master would say those words to him!

Moments later, another crack announced that his elf was back. He felt his mouth being pushed open and he didn’t fight this time and allowed the antidote to run down his convulsing throat, forcing himself not to throw it up.

While he concentrated on keeping it down, he felt healing energy pouring into him from his elf and the headmaster, who gently healed the ugly cuts on his arms. He felt the icy coldness slowly warming and leaving him and felt his limbs growing lighter. From far away, he heard the headmaster whisper a sleeping charm while his elf carefully removed the bezoar from his mouth.

Suddenly, he found himself feeling unbelievably tired. He couldn’t open his eyes, even though he wanted to and within moments, he drifted off into a deep sleep.

 

*             *             *

 

The headmaster and the old elf exchanged a long, still terrified look as the pale child in their laps feel asleep. They continued pouring healing energy into him, muttering ancient Elfish spells to rid the weak body of the vicious poison attacking it, until finally, Severus was out of danger.

Gorgon fussed with the towels wrapped around the still sore arms and examined the wounds. He was about to snap his fingers and make the ugly, blood red scabs vanish, but the headmaster stopped him.

“No, Gorgon. Not yet. They might need to serve as a reminder in the next few days. They won’t become infected and they don’t pose a danger to him as they are now.”

Gorgon bit his lip but then nodded in agreement, knowing his young master was far from being healed.

Gently, the headmaster easily lifted Severus up and carried him out of the bathroom and into his bedroom. Sitting in a large, comfortable chair, he gently held the thin, pale child in his arms and waved a blanket over which he tugged around him. Moving his hands over him, he carefully poured more healing energy into him and then muttered cleaning charms over him.

He stared down into his gaunt, still face, the dark bruises around the sunken eyes making him look even paler than he really was.

The headmaster put his arms around him and gently held him closer, briefly allowing his eyes to close and forcing back his tears. Now was not the time to cry. He had more important things to take care of right now.

He glanced over into the bathroom, where Gorgon was kneeling on the floor, trembling and muttering to himself as he viciously scrubbed at the bloody floor with a sponge.

“Gorgon, it’s alright, leave that for Rudy or Gabby to clean up.”

Gorgon stopped and slowly stood up, breathing hard and tears streaming down his face. He turned around and stood in the doorway, the bloody sponge still in his hands.

“No, it not alright, headmaster. Nothing alright. This is all Gorgy’s fault.”

The headmaster raised his eyebrows. “Gorgon, as much as I can tell, Severus did this of his own choosing. In fact, if I’m not mistaken, this had been his plan all along and he deliberately kept you in the dark about it.”

The elf firmly shook his head and stomped his foot. “No, no. This all Gorgy’s fault. Not today, and not yesterday, but all of it. All of young master’s life a mess because of Gorgy. Gorgy not do good enough job! Gorgy tell mistress many, many years ago that Gorgy not good enough to raise young master but she not listen and Gorgy does such a bad job and make so many mistakes and now young master nearly die!” He exclaimed, tears streaming down his face as he nearly started sobbing again.

The headmaster stared at the elf for a long moment, before he waved him over. The old elf perched on the bed before the headmaster and they both glanced down at Severus’ sleeping form.

“Gorgon, you did an amazing job. Yes, you made mistakes, but I don’t know any parent who hasn’t. It’s a part of raising children that is unavoidable. But you did an amazing job and Severus loves you more than his own life—as he has clearly proven tonight—and I know he would have taken his life long before tonight if you hadn’t been there with him every single day. And what’s more, Severus came back. And that shows more than anything that you raised him to be a decent human being, who has been hurt and raised in darkness for so long that such a thing shouldn’t be possible, but he left that darkness and returned, and that shows you raised an extraordinary person, Gorgon and that you kept it together and stuck by your task when most parents would have long ago abandoned their children on some roadside and gone on without them. But you never did. And for that, you have and will always have my greatest respect, old friend.”

Gorgon stared at the headmaster with tears shimmering in his eyes. Reaching out, he clasped one of the headmaster’s hands in his own. “Thank you, headmaster.”

Dumbledore smiled at him. “Now, go to sleep, Gorgon. You look like you need it nearly as much as Severus does.” When Gorgon cast a worried look at the precious bundle sleeping in the headmaster’s lap, Dumbledore smiled. “Don’t worry about him, Gorgon. I will take care of him until morning and then we’ll see where we go from there.”

Gorgon nodded and then thanked the headmaster again before curling up on the corner of the bed closest to his young master and falling asleep.

The headmaster gently rocked his chair back and forth as he watched the two small people quietly sleeping.

It was only now that he gently pushed a strand of black hair off the pale cheek and pushed it behind his ears and stroked his face with feather light fingers.

How badly his poor child had suffered in the past year to force him to try and take his own life when he was merely seventeen made the tears which he had held at bay slowly start to stream down his face.

His body shook with his sobs and he cradled his child closer to him, determined to never let him go again. He would never abandon him again and he would heal him, no matter how long it took and whether it would cost him his own life.

“I will show you the light, my dear child. I promise you that. And even if you can’t find a way to live in it, I will keep you away from your own darkness. I will protect you and keep you safe, I swear that to you. I let you go once but I will never do it again, I promise you that,” he whispered through his tears.

Gently, he leaned down and kissed the dark-haired head, feeling his heart threatening to break from sorrow at seeing his child so broken and so void of hope.

“I will help you heal, my child and I will keep you safe. I promise.”

 

**June 30 th, 1979**

**Hogwarts School**

 

He was warm. That was the first thing he realized as his mind slowly crept out of sleep. He was warm. Well, that made sense. After all, hell was supposed to be quite warm, after all so it made perfect sense that he was warm.

Slowly, he opened his eyes, expecting either darkness or roaring fires. Instead, he found himself staring at a purple cloth covered in bright, shooting stars. He blinked. Why was there purple cloth in hell?

Suddenly, he heard the sound of a heart beat and breathing coming from that cloth. Frowning, he immediately determined it was a threat and he started groping for his wand, hoping that it hadn’t been taken away from him yet.

“Ah, good morning, dear.”

He froze. He knew that voice. Raising his head, he stared at the white beard a few inches beside him and then followed it up to a kind face smiling down at him. It was the headmaster.

“Headmaster! Why are you in hell too? You must tell somebody quickly! They’ve made an awful mistake!” he whispered, his voice scratchy.

He heard a chuckle which seemed to vibrate through him. “Dear, neither one of us are in hell, I reassure you.”

Severus frowned, thinking that over and suddenly, he realized what this meant. He wasn’t dead. Gorgon and the headmaster had stopped him and he’d let them. He wasn’t dead.

Tears of frustration and anger at himself overwhelmed him and he started sobbing.

“Why am I not dead?” he sobbed.

The headmaster’s arms tightened around him and slowly rocked him back and forth. Severus didn’t want to be comforted. He wanted to be dead.

“Shh, my child. It’s alright—”

“It’s not alright, master! I don’t want to be alive anymore and I’m sick of all of this and I don’t want to do it anymore!” he sobbed, burying his face in the purple nightgown and the long, white beard.

“I know you’re not too fond of this life business at the moment, dear, but I couldn’t let you go just yet. The only time death is justified is when it comes at the end of a long, full life and once you’ve done everything you’ve wanted and needed to do.”

“I’ve done everything I’ve wanted and needed to do, master! I’ve run away from master and I’ve brought Gorgon back here and now it’s over and I’m finished!”

“I don’t believe that, child.”

“I do. Besides, I can’t live any longer, we both know it. I can’t live without the crystals and without master and Gorgon says I have to, but I can’t.”

“Shh, we’ll help you, dear. Gorgon never meant to imply that you should do it on your own. That’s too difficult of a road to walk down by oneself. But it is possible. You must believe that you can do it, child—”

“But I know I can’t!”

“And I know you can. You are a strong and intelligent person, dear who just hasn’t made the best choices or had the best choices handed to him. Neither of those things are really your fault, and I know that you can do this. Gorgon and I will help you, I promise. We will fight this through until the end.”

Severus sniffed a few times, his tears having stopped. He quietly fiddled with a thread coming out of the headmaster’s sleeve for a few moments, thinking things over. Then he shyly glanced up, still not daring to look the headmaster in the face for too long.

“You really think I can do this?”

“I know you can. All I ask is that you don’t give up and that you don’t let the crystals win.”

“What about the Banshees?”

“Them too, dear. You can silence them. I know you can.”

He took a long, shaky breath. “They might not listen.”

“Then you’ll make them listen. I know you can do this, child. I have faith in you and very rarely has my faith ever been misplaced.”

 

*             *             *

 

They didn’t have to wait long. Severus fell back into a light doze, not used to feeling so warm and protected, but just a few hours passed before the shaking started.

He opened his eyes and could feel the tremor in his hands. Taking, a deep, shaky breath, he glanced up at the headmaster, who had been quietly reading his mail.

“It’s starting, master,” he whispered, completely terrified. He could already hear the faint hum of the Banshees starting in the back of his mind, slowly coming closer.

The headmaster nodded and immediately lifted him onto the bed and whispered a sleeping a charm over him. Severus wanted to protest and say that the Banshees wouldn’t be fooled so easily into shutting up, but before he could open his mouth, he had fallen asleep, curled up beside his elf.

The headmaster quickly walked out of the room and immediately strode to one of his bookshelves on which a collection of various bells sat. Picking up a large, red bell, he rang it quietly and then waited.

Not five minutes later, his door opened up and Madame Pomfrey came bustling in. She frowned.

“Albus, what’s wrong? Are you feeling alright?”

He held up a soothing hand. “I’m fine, Poppy. However, I have another patient for you.”

Her frown deepened. “Where are they? Are they being brought to the infirmary?”

“No, no, my dear Poppy. He can’t go to the infirmary, which is why I called you here.”

He hadn’t thought it possible, but her frown deepened even more. “Why on earth not? This is hogwash, Albus! If there is somebody ill then I need them in the infirmary right away!”

“Poppy, please. Hear me out. It is of extreme important that nobody learns he is here. He is very ill and might possibly die, but it is extremely important that nobody knows about his presence here, which is why I will keep him in my chambers until he has recovered.”

Nodding, the nurse immediately stepped towards his bedroom door. She didn’t care who it was and why their presence had to be kept secret, but if they needed her help then she wouldn’t waste any time.

“Poppy, before you go in, I need to tell you a few essential things.”

She stopped and looked like she might argue with him and demand to see her patient immediately, but Albus smiled at her reassuringly.

“At the moment, he isn’t in any danger. In a few hours, perhaps, but not so far.” He took a deep breath and gave her a long look. “Poppy, lying in there fast asleep are Severus Snape and Gorgon.”

The nurse’s eyebrows shot up. “Severus and Gorgon?” she exclaimed. Then she pursed her lips. “So, they crawled back, did they?”

“Poppy, please, now is not the time. Severus is very ill. He looks half starved and is in horrendous shape, but that’s not the worst part. He is very badly addicted to Hell’s Breath.”

Madame Pomfrey clenched her jaw and her eyes sparked. “Has the boy completely lost his mind?! He should know first hand what that filth does to people! And considering his family history, one would think he could use those brains of his and—”

“Poppy, please, I assure you that Gorgon has done all of our yelling for us. Right now, I need you to examine him and tell me how we can help him through this. I know next to nothing about drug withdrawals.”

She took a deep breath, swallowed the remainder of her tirade and then marched straight towards his chambers.

She glanced over her shoulders and didn’t seem surprised to see Albus right on her heels.

“I would normally ask you to wait out—”

“The only way you are keeping me out of this room is by brute force, Poppy, and I urge you not to try.”

She nodded tersely and then pushed the door open, bracing herself for whatever lay before her.

 

*             *             *

 

Severus clutched the blanket tighter, the Banshees wailing loudly in his head. He was shaking and he felt jets of ice streaming through his blood. He needed his crystals. Who would have some? Bella? No, she wasn’t using them anymore. Macnair? Maybe, he’d have to go see.

“No, no, Master Walden not here, young master.”

Severus narrowed his eyes at his elf, who was sitting beside him, pulling the blanket up to his chin. Panic seered through him as the Banshees started screaming. He needed his crystals. His beautiful, green, shimmering crystals. Trembling, he grit his teeth against the ice streaming through him and burning him.

Pushing the blanket off himself, he tried scrambling out of bed.

“Must go see Macnair, elf. He has some. He said he did.”

Gorgon grabbed his hands. “No, no. Young master must stay in bed.”

Rage blinded him and he snarled and tore his hands out of his elf’s grip and fell off the bed, crawling towards the door.

Gorgon lunged after him and Severus whipped around, snarling. “Don’t touch me, elf! You’re trying to keep me from my crystals!”

“No, no, no. Young master must try to stay calm—”

Severus could hardly hear the stupid words over the screaming of the Banshees. Why didn’t the old fool shut up? He didn’t care what he had to say. He needed his crystals.

He felt hands on him, trying to pull him back to the bed. Snarling, he lashed out, hitting and clawing at them. He needed to get to Macnair’s room. In just a few minutes, he could have his precious, green crystals.

He felt another pair of hands on him and he twisted in their grasp, screaming at them to let go of him.

He didn’t hear their soothing words, didn’t hear them trying to coax him back into bed. All he knew was that they were trying to keep him away from his crystals. The dirty, stupid people! How dare they?!

Deciding that the door was too far away, he scrambled out of their grasps and crawled towards the window. Macnair’s room was probably closer if he took that way.

Suddenly, he felt magical binds pulling him back from the window. Fighting like mad, he screamed and swore at the magic to let go of him, the Banshees just as upset as he was.

Twisting and clawing at the floor, he felt his hands sliding over the slick ground but the icy fire within him fuelled him on and he kept trying to lunge towards the window, screaming hysterically for them to release him and how dare they keep him away from his crystals!

Finally, his vision went dark and he felt his rage seeping out of him as he crumbled on the floor, unconsciousness sweeping him away.

 

*             *             *

 

Breathing hard, Madame Pomfrey lowered her wand and then hurried over to the crumbled, shaking child lying on the floor.

Albus was already crouching over him, healing the torn fingernails and bleeding fingers and gently levitating him back onto the bed.

The nurse turned to Gorgon, who was nursing deep gashes on his arms. “Are you alright, Gorgon?”

The old elf tried to smile at her reassuringly, but she could tell he was deeply shaken as well. “It alright, Miss Poppy. Gorgy fine. Gorgy used to this.”

They both hurried over to the bed where the headmaster was tugging blankets around Severus and smoothing strands of hair off his forehead. Albus glanced up and sighed heavily.

“We’ll have to ward the door and the windows at once.”

Poppy nodded. “And we’ll have to get anything sharp or breakable out of here. These fits will get much worse and if he gets his hands onto anything dangerous he could cause serious harm to himself or someone else. Just thank Merlin that we removed his wand already.”

She took a deep breath and pinned up a hair which had torn itself out of her bun. “There is another matter. We should seriously consider binding him to the bed in some

manner—”

“No.” Both Albus and Gorgon’s voices were hard. The nurse sighed, knowing what they were both thinking of. “It appalls me as much as it does the two of you to even consider it, but he could seriously hurt himself if he gets out of bed, and using physical force to keep him there might confuse him and scare him as his hallucinations get worse. I suggest using simple magical binds on him. He’ll still be able to move around but he’ll have to stay in bed. The binds would only tighten if he is trying very hard to get out of bed, and that is for his own safety.”

She looked imploringly at the other two who exchanged long looks before quietly discussing it in Elfish and then finally nodding.

“Alright. We’ll bind him. But only lightly and if he struggles too hard then I will loosen them slightly.”

The nurse nodded. Pulling out her wand again, she stepped up to Severus and quietly started muttering charms under her breath.

 

**July 1 st, 1979**

**Hogwarts School**

 

The Banshees were on fire. They whirled through his mind, screaming shrilly as they danced, fire swirling around their arms and legs and hair, their eyes bright and red.

He stared at them as they jumped out of his mind and started dancing and screaming around the room.

He tried to beg to them be quiet since they were tearing his mind apart with their screams, but they only screamed louder, demanding the crystals. As they danced through the room, the door slammed open and his Father walked in, his wand pointed straight at him.

Terror clutched him and he started sobbing. He remembered he’d messed up on a simple summoning charm that day and knew as soon as his Father checked his wand that he’d have to be punished.

He tried to scramble away from his Father, tears obscuring his vision and blurring the Banshees and the fire, but he felt himself restrained somehow. Sobbing helplessly, he knew what that meant and he braced himself for the pain and the musty smell of his own pillow soaked with blood and tears.

His Father continued walking towards him, quietly lecturing him about what a stupid, worthless idiot he was and being a whore was the only thing he was good for. Suddenly, Macnair and Avery and Travers and other hodded and cloaked figures appeared around the room, laughing and pointing their fingers at him. He continued sobbing, knowing what they thought of him but he so badly wanted his crystals. He reached out a trembling hand towards them, begging them to come closer since he was still tied down and couldn’t reach them. Suddenly, one of the masked figures took off their mask and Evans stood there, frowning at him and glaring at him with anger and disgust.

She slowly shook her head.

“I knew I shouldn’t have been friends with you. Nothing but a filthy whore. Sirius was right about you.”

Then she turned and disappeared out the door.

Suddenly, Severus spied a small girl standing in the corner of the room, staring at him with wide, blue eyes. He knew her! He tried to call out to her and tried to get her to help him, but she merely stared. Then her lips curled into a smile and streams of blood came out of her mouth and her eyes, covering her in blood as she smiled.

Then her smile disappeared and she glared at him, her eyes having gone black and streaming with blood.

“You see what you get? You killed me and now I’ll kill you. You deserve this you filthy murdering slut!”

Then Gorgon appeared beside him, also glaring at him and screaming about soup and chicken and Charles Turner and Giselle, before his eyes suddenly turned bright red and Severus felt hot pain coursing through his body. He twisted and screamed, begging his elf to stop and that he’d never think of soup and chicken again if he just stopped.

 

*             *             *

 

The headmaster reached out and tried to still the shaking, twisting body before he hurt himself. He gently tried coaxing Severus’ hands off the bedsheet, which he was tearing to shreds and leaving streaks of blood from where he had nearly torn his fingernails off with his teeth the night before and the wounds had been rubbed open again.

Grabbing one of the hands, he managed to quickly heal the cuts before it was torn from his grip to clutch the sweaty, torn bedsheets again.

The headmaster tried to mutter a few soothing charms but Severus’ screaming and sobbing nearly drowned out his words.

Albus hardly understood the muttered words buried in the screams and the sobs. Snatches of  “No, no, Father, please!” and “No chicken, no chicken, no chicken, I promise!” and “Please be quiet, please! I’ll be good, I promise, please stop screaming!”

No matter what the headmaster said, Severus didn’t appear to hear him and kept muttering to himself, pleading with his inner demons to leave him alone. He screamed again as another hot wave of pain tore through him, his body not taking kindly to being without crystals for so long.

When the pain subsided slightly, he started shaking madly, still muttering and crying, pleading with the Banshees to untie him and promising them he’d never touch chicken again and he’d only eat biscuits and lettuce, just like master said.

The headmaster used the short interval between the screaming fits of excruciating pain to mutter cleaning charms over him and to gently lay a hand on his forehead and send some soothing, healing energy into him.

Severus immediately flinched away from him, begging him to leave him alone, twisting away from him and sobbing, clearly having no idea where he was and who was touching him.

Albus tried once more, but as soon as the healing magic seemed to seep in, Severus’ body violently rebelled and he threw up anything that had been in his stomache  since this ordeal had started. When he couldn’t throw anything up anymore, he kept retching, bringing up bile and blood.

The headmaster quickly undid the binds and held Severus on his side so he wouldn’t choke and held onto him, muttering reassuringly as he sobbed and shook, his body tearing itself apart.

“There, there, child. It’ll be over soon. I know you’re in pain and I know you’re suffering terribly but it’ll be over soon. We’re nearly over the worst of it. You just have to hang on a bit longer.”

When it was finally over, the headmaster lowered him back onto the bed, muttering another round of cleaning charms and whispering the binds back.

Ignoring his own exhaustion, he allowed himself a quick glance at the clock. Two more hours until Poppy would come and force him to catch some sleep on the couch in his office and she would take her place by the bed.

Allowing himself a sad sigh, he gently took one of Severus’ trembling hands in his own, quietly whispering reassurances to him as his child lost himself in the hell his own mind had made again.

 

**July 2 nd, 1979**

**Hogwarts School**

 

“Give them to me!”

“Gorgy not having any, young master. Gorgy truly sorry but not having any.”

“You’re lying, you filthy, stupid creature! Give them to me!” Severus screamed at him, tearing at the magical binds and trying to reach his elf, who had retreated a few safe paces from the bed and was trying to calm the enraged teenager.

“Young master must take a few deep—”

“Fuck you! I hate you! Give them to me!” He screamed, hate sparking in his eyes as his hands madly clawed through the air.

Gorgon stayed where he was, having learned in the past few days not to get too close to the bed when his young master wasn’t lost in delusions or pain. Gorgon had no idea if Severus knew who he was and where he was or what he was saying, but these fits of rage never lasted for too long.

Sure enough, another wave of pain seized him and he fell back against he bed, screaming, his back arching off the bed.

Gorgon immediately ran to his side again and seized one of the hands tearing at the bedsheets. Severus groped for the old, gnarled hand and clutched it with all his strength, nearly crushing the elf’s hand, but Gorgon didn’t let go. Tears streamed down his young charge’s face as he bit his lip to stiffle his screams and blood streamed down his chin.

Gorgon reached up and wiped the blood off. “Young master can scream if he wants to. There is strong silencing charm around room.”

For one moment, Severus turned and stared at his elf, eyes wide with pain and confusion, but for one moment, Gorgon thought he recognized him. He smiled reassuringly at him and Severus’ cries stilled as he lay trembling on the bed, staring at his elf, a small smile tugging on the corner of his lips.

“Everything will be alright. Young master will be fine. Gorgy is here and will stay. Young master just has to hang on a few more days. Then everything be fine.”

Just as suddenly as the moment of clarity had come, it vanished and Severus’ eyes flooded with hate and rage again and he yanked his elf closer to him, using his other hand to try and claw at him.

“Give them to me! I know you have them you stupid, filthy slut! Give them to me!” he screamed.

Severus managed to wrap his hand around his elf’s throat and used every bit of his remaining strength to tighten his grip. Gorgon floundered madly, not able to draw even a tiny breath. He tried to tear the iron grip off himself, but then he had to resort to magic to fling his young master off himself.

With a scream of rage, Severus found himself flung back onto the bed and Gorgon retreated a few safe steps, shaking and staring at the completely enraged teenager trembling madly and swearing vile curses in both English and Elfish at him.

 

**July 3 rd, 1979**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Albus waved his hand and conjured up another cool, wet cloth and wiped Severus’ sweaty face with it.

“It’s alright, child. You’ll be fine. Just hang on a bit longer.”

Severus stared up at him, tears shimmering in his eyes, his body trembling. They stared at each other silently before Severus licked his parched lips.

The headmaster took the cloth and wet the parched lips but didn’t dare give him anything to drink. Severus couldn’t hold anything down and only vomited it back up a few seconds after taking it in. His body would use the occasion to try and continue tearing itself apart and he had vomited up so much blood that Madame Pomfrey had expressed serious concerns if he didn’t stop. She had made Albus promise to stop using any magic on him since the magic seemed to upset his body greatly and they had resorted to using a muggle device Poppy had dug up from somewhere to feed Severus intravenously and keep his frail body nourished. The IV drip had had to be adjusted nearly every hour since Severus would either rip them out of his arms in fits of rage or they would come out when he was screaming and writhing in pain.

Severus stared at him with wide, dark eyes and licked his lips again.

“Do you—do you have any?” he whispered, his voice raspy from constant screaming.

The headmaster sighed, having had this conversation many, many times in the past few days in the rare occasion that Severus was calm enough to speak coherently.

“No, my dear. I don’t.”

For a moment, a flicker of rage seemed to ignite within his eyes and the headmaster braced himself for leaping away from the bed, but suddenly, Severus seemed to suppress the rage.

“I—I know you do. And I—I know what you want,” he whispered, a deranged smile twisted across his pale face. The smile was what disturbed the headmaster most. More than the words.

“I swear to you I don’t have any.”

“Oh, you’re a tricky one, aren’t you?” he gasped out. Then he was seized by a coughing fit and the headmaster held the rag to his lips as blood and bile streamed out of his mouth.

When he had stopped and the headmaster made sure he had spit any remaining blood out of his mouth and not send it back down to his abused lungs, Severus leaned back and smiled again, eyes huge and empty.

“I know what you want,” he whispered, licking his lips slowly. The headmaster sighed, feeling utterly helpless. They had had this conversation so many times that he didn’t feel shocked anymore.

“I know what you’re thinking dear, but I don’t want that. Besides, I don’t have any.”

A hoarse, mad giggle was spat out from the bloodied lips.

“That’s what all of you say. The coy ones, anyway. The shy ones. Well, shy is good. I know just how to handle shy. I’ll make it worth your while, I promise.” That smile was still there and the headmaster nearly wanted to vomit.

He had tirelessly tried to explain to Severus why this was wrong and why he kept saying no, but Severus would just continue giggling and try to smile that twisted, seductive, half mad smile, clearly having no idea who he was talking to and not really understanding what he was saying. At least that was what the headmaster hoped.

Severus must have taken his frustrated silence as consent, for his hands weakly reached up to grab the front of his robes and tug on them.

Albus gently caught hold of the hands and pulled them off, gently holding onto them.

“No, Severus,” he said softly.

Severus continued smiling at him for a few more minutes, perhaps waiting to see if he’d change his mind. When it became clear that he wouldn’t, Severus ripped his hands out of his grasp and hate flooded his eyes and the smile vanished.

“I hate you! I said I’d make it good! Isn’t that enough?! Give them to me!” he screamed, trying to lunge at him.

Albus took a few cautious steps back. “Calm down. I said I didn’t have any. Please believe—”

“Fuck you! I hate you! You just want your Gryffindor sluts, don’t you? You don’t want a used up Slytherin whore!”

Before Albus could protest this, another coughing fit seized him and the hacking coughs nearly lifted him off the bed. Albus reached him one moment too late to lean him forward enough and he swallowed a mouthful of bile and blood and then started retching. The headmaster gently leaned him on his side, holding a bucket to his mouth and holding his hair out of his face while he retched, shaking and crying softly from the pain.

When it was finally over, Severus collapsed weakly, tears still streaming down his face.

The headmaster stepped closer, knowing that the ill teenager had a few minutes of peace before the pain and delusion and hate would come flooding back.

Cleaning him up, Albus stepped up to the bed and sat on the edge of it, pulling Severus onto his lap and gently holding him as he cried from sheer exhaustion and pain.

“I can’t do this,” he sobbed.

“Shh, child. Yes you can. We’re nearly there. Just hold on a few more days. We’re over the worst of it by now. You’ve been so brave and so strong that the rest of this will be a breeze.”

A shaking, weak hand came up and clutched his own. “Please don’t leave me,” that frail voice begged.

Albus squeezed his hand and pulled him closer, rocking them back and forth gently. “I won’t, child. I promised you that before and I will never break that promise.”

 

**July 6 th, 1979**

**Hogwarts School**

 

He slowly opened his eyes, bracing himself for the usual pain and the Banshees. When the pain didn’t come and the Banshees remained quiet, he thought he had finally died. But then he felt an old, gnarled hand stroking his cheek and he slightly turned his head.

Gorgon smiled at him. “Good morning, young master. How are body and Banshees feeling today?”

Severus licked his lips and frowned, carefully moving his fingers and toes. His eyebrows shot up in amazement when that didn’t hurt. In fact, nothing really hurt. There was a dull headache throbbing in the back of his mind, but it was nothing compared to the pain he had gone through in the past few hours?—days?—years?

“Gorgon, how long have we been here?” he rasped, his voice still scratchy.

Gorgon smiled gently. “Eight days. Young master was only in his right mind for first of that day.”

His eyes widened. “Eight days? I don’t remember any of them.”

“What is last thing young master remembers?”

He frowned, trying to force his exhausted mind into working. “I think—I think I woke up and I was all confused about the purple cloth being in hell.”

His elf frowned, for a moment looking quite concerned, but Severus waved a hand weakly before it slumped back onto the bed. “Don’t worry about it. I was confused and dumb. It was just the headmaster’s nightgown. But after that—I think the headmaster  said something to me…but I don’t remember anything after that.”

Gorgon sighed inwardly. It would be best if his young master didn’t remember what he had said and done in the past seven days. He’d never forgive himself, regardless of how many times the headmaster, Miss Poppy and Gorgon explained to him that he hadn’t been in his right mind.

Moments later, the door opened and Albus and Poppy came bustling in, smiling broadly when they saw Severus quietly talking to Gorgon.

Severus weakly turned his head, wincing slightly at the throbbing in his head but he managed a weak smile.

“Well, our little warrior has managed to cling to life after all, hm?” Madame Pomfrey said, immediately reaching up to fuss with the IV drip and pull his blankets up to his chin.

Severus smiled. “Well, I don’t know if everything’s in the right place anymore, but at least I can move all my toes and fingers.”

They all chuckled. “Well, at least that’s marvelous improvement,” the headmaster said, reaching over and gently stroking his cheek.

The nurse stood back up and put her hands on her hips. “So, any pain?”

“Yes, but it’s just a bit of a headache. I can handle that.”

The nurse nodded and then pursed her lips. “Well, I’m sorry to say that you’ll have to for quite some time, Mr. Snape. I’ve been doing some reading on recovered drug addicts and more specifically about that filth you’ve been taking and I’ve dug up some serious issues. First off, these headaches  will ease up but they’ll never go away entirely. When you’re tired or stressed, the headaches will flare up and you’ll want nothing more than to run off and find yourself some of your crystals.”

Severus sighed with despair. “You mean I’ll still want them?”

Madame Pomfrey nodded, a sad glimmer in her eyes. “Yes, dear. The longing will fade with time but it will never vanish. You’ll have to constantly be prepared to fight it if you want to stay clean.”

Severus exchanged a worried look with Gorgon, but the old elf smiled and winked. “No problem. We just yell at Banshees to go to hell and everything be fine.”

Severus sighed. “It won’t be if I run after them.”

Gorgon lightly smacked the side of his head and Severus grinned ruefully at him.

“Now, I do hope you aren’t thinking that you’re in perfect health, young man! You’re nearly thirty pounds underweight and you look paler than a vampire. You’ll need good food, lots of liquids and sunshine and if any of these aren’t attended to, you’ll be wishing you did follow the Banshees into hell.”

Severus stared at the nurse, immediately feeling intimidated, but she saw his fear and smiled, tucking the blankets back around him.

“I was joking, Mr. Snape. That is something else you’ll have to relearn. Now, I’ll leave you and I’ll go to the kitchens and tell them to start preparing some light broth for you.”

Severus wanted to nod and thank her, but he felt himself sinking back into his pillows, exhaustion overwhelming him.

The headmaster smiled down at him. “Go to sleep. You’re still utterly exhausted. Your body needs a lot of rest.”

Severus smiled gratefully and immediately, his eyes fell shut, and sleep overtook him.

Before he completely drifted off, he felt Gorgon sitting down on the bed beside him and humming a quiet Elfish song to him, lulling him further into sleep.

“Sleep well, child,” He barely heard the whisper but he felt the tender kiss on his forehead before he heard footsteps quietly leaving the room and shutting the door behind them.

 

**July 8 th, 1979**

**Ministry of Magic**

 

Sighing, Lily shouldered her way through the usual crowd of blue robed Aurors hurrying around. Adjusting the enormous bundle of papers in her arms, she nodded to the waves and greetings thrown her way.

Spying who she was looking for, she grinned and hurried over to the blond witch surrounded by a crowd of well wishers.

“Alice!”

Alice glanced up. “Lily! Oh, wow, I can’t believe all of this. Was it this bad when you got married?” she asked in a quiet voice as Lily reached her.

Lily laughed. “Not as bad. I got a lot of eyebrow raising as well as the congratulations.”

Alice laughed too and was about to say something else when Dedalus Diggle came hurrying over, yelling about how happy he was for her and Frank.

Lily grinned and stepped back from the crowd, content to let her friend enjoy herself. She spun around and was about to try and continue navigating her way to Alastor’s office when she nearly trampled a short witch and dropped all of her paper.

“Oh, shit! I’m sorry Mrs. Vance! I didn’t see you there.” Bending over, Lily started gathering her papers back together.

Emmaline Vance pursed her lips slightly at the language Lily had used but nevertheless, she also bent over and helped her gather up her things.

“Not to worry, Mrs. Potter. One gets used to it. I have a rather urgent message from Headmaster Dumbledore for you.”

Lily paused and immediately forgot about her papers as she reached for the slim envelope the Auror secretary and member of the Order handed her.

Nodding her thanks, Lily shouldered her way to a secluded spot and immediately tore it open. It was highly unusual for the headmaster to send her a message like this. Usually he told her everything she needed to know and situations she had to keep her eye on during Order meetings.

She unfolded the small sheaf of parchment and skimmed the contents.

 

_Mrs. Lily Potter,_

_I do hope everybody is still basking in the aftermath of Alice and Frank’s wedding. The cake was simply marvelous._

_Anyway, I was merely writing to ask if you would like to come for tea some time today in my office. Two old collegues of mine—Mr. Gorgon and Miss Xira—have come to pay me a visit and are staying here for a few days to catch up on old times. I thought you might like to meet them. Feel free to barge through my door anyway and don’t bother sending a return owl._

_Sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

 

At first, Lily nearly scoffed and rolled her eyes. Cake? Tea? What world did this man live in? Then she read it more carefully and her eyes froze on those two names. Mr. Gorgon and Miss Xira.

Immediately, she started shaking. Nobody else would have understood the significance of those two names, but Lily grasped it immediately.

Sev had come back.

Her eyes widened and she nearly started screaming with joy, but then remembered where she was. Calming down immediately, she muttered something about impossible timing and scheduling and then tucked the letter into her robes.

She wanted to tear out of headquarters and sprint all the way to Hogwarts as fast as her legs could carry her, but she knew that if anybody in this office—most of all, her boss—caught wind of who was currently in the Headmaster’s office, there would be hell to pay.

Taking a few deep breaths, she forced herself to walk to her boss’ office and drop off her papers.

He barely glanced up from an enormous map he was pouring over. She set the bundle of papers down with a thunk right in the middle of the map, forcing him to pay attention to  her.

He grumbled and glanced up. “What is it, Potter?”

“I’d like to request a few days leave, sir.”

He raised an eyebrow, his magical eye studying her intently. “Impossible, Potter. We’re too busy.”

“Alright then. I won’t request it. I’ll simply tell you that I’m taking a few days leave.”

He focused both of his eyes on her and stared at her for a long moment and then sighed.

“I suppose forbidding it won’t do any good?”

She smiled. “No, I’m afraid not, sir.”

He sighed. “There better be a damn good reason for this, Potter, one which I’ll wager you can’t tell me about. But whatever it is, I’m warning you, it better be something good and you better be doing something productive.”

She nodded. “Yes, sir. I’ll be hunting Death Eaters the whole time, trust me.”

She was about to smirk, realizing that she wasn’t really lying to him. He stared at her for another moment before finally sighing, grumbling something and then waving at the door.

“Fine, get the hell out of here. I’ll see you in a few days.”

Grinning and excitement flooding her, she spun around and ran out of the office. Ignoring the confused calls echoing around her, she ran into the lift, muttering and swearing at it to go faster. When she reached the bottom, she raced along the long hallway, running people over and ignoring the indignant reprimands called after her.

Once she reached the doors, she ran through and immediately apparated to Hogwarts, her heart in her throat.

He was back. Sev had come back.

 

**July 8 th, 1979**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus swore and threw the spoon across the room after having thrown up for the third time in a row. He wearily rubbed his head, which was staring to throb again.

“I can’t do this, elf. This food is trying to kill me and I have a headache again.”

Gorgon rolled his eyes, snapping his fingers to retrieve the spoon. “Young master must be patient. Body isn’t used to food right now but young master can’t stay on drip thingy forever.”

“ _Well, actually, you can. It’ll keep you out of trouble at least_.” A prissy voice erupted in his mind.

Severus sighed and closed his eyes as he leaned back against the pillows behind him.

“ _Shut up, bird_ ,” he thought. Fawkes twittered and rolled his black eyes at him. The phoenix had taken to spending his days in the bedroom with Severus, perched on the headboard beside him, critizing everything and being a nuisance.

At first, he had refused to have anything to do with the entire situation, still being upset with the way Severus had treated him before leaving, but after Severus apologized, the phoenix had resumed their friendship as if nothing had happened.

“ _Well, if the broth is bothering you so much, then just try some crackers. Soak them in the broth to make them soft and try that_.”

Severus wearily opened his eyes and muttered what Fawkes had said. His elf picked up half a cracker and dipped it into the broth until it softened. Tearing it into tiny bits, Gorgon put it into the spoon and then handed it to Severus. Severus sighed and obediently took the spoon. As he stared at it, his stomach immediately rebelled and he took a deep breath, swallowing a few times to calm down.

Quickly putting it into his mouth, he chewed a few times, feeling the bile rising in his throat. He kept chewing closing his eyes and praying that this would work. He was nearly ready to try swallowing, when his stomach gave a mighty heave and he doubled over the bucket his elf had set beside him and spat the cracker out and retched out mouthfuls of bile.

Gorgon sighed softly and waved a cleaning charm over him. Severus swore, frustration and anger overwhelming him.

“I can’t do this, Gorgon!” he felt close to tears. They had been trying for days, but his body refused to accept the fact that it needed to eat.

“ _Well, with that attitude, of course you can’t_.”

“ _Shut up, bird, or the next time I hurl, it’ll be all over you_.”

Gorgon glanced up at the phoenix, who let out an insulted squawk and turned his back on them, his beak in the air.

“Young master not be rude to Master Fawkes!” he quietly scolded, preparing another tiny piece of cracker.

Severus was about to open his mouth and retort an answer, when a voice piped up from the doorway.

“Well, it’s good to see you can go to hell and back and that some things still don’t change.”

Severus glanced up and froze. Standing in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest and red hair glimmering and a cocky, half smile on her lips was Lily Evans.

Severus stared at her and she stared back, tears glimmering in her green eyes.

“Oh, Sev,” she whispered, tears choking the words. “You’re such a stupid git.”

He managed a shaky smile. “I know, trust me, I know.”

Without another word, she ran across the room, flung herself onto the bed and pulled him into a tight hug.

Severus hugged her back, shaking as he felt tears streaming down his face.

“I’m sorry, Evans. I’m so sorry.”

She held him tighter. “I’m sorry too, Sev. But you’re still a stupid git!”

He smiled faintly. “I know.”

“And you missed my wedding!” she sobbed, letting go only enough to whap him over the back of the head before hugging him again.

He blinked a few times. “Your—your what?” he asked weakly.

“My wedding, you git! I got married in January!”

“Oh…what month is it?”

“It’s July, idiot! Oh, Sev, I’m so sorry!” Then she was off sobbing again, partly from relief and partly from pain at seeing her best friend like this. Even thought the headmaster had filled her in on everything important, a part of her hadn’t accepted it. Half starved and drug addicted? Her Sev? Her eternally brilliant, eternally confused Sev?

But when she’d stood in the doorway, she’d nearly collapsed in a heap of tears and rage at whoever had done this to him. He looked so thin, so frail, so weak as he lay there, muttering to Gorgon in Elfish and trying to eat a small bit of a cracker.

Slowly, she let go of him and sat down beside him, staring at him. She vaguelly noticed that Gorgon and Fawkes had left but she couldn’t remember when.

She stared at her best friend, the dark circles around his sunken eyes and the faint tremor in his hands which he didn’t even seem to notice.

“You look like hell, Sev.”

He snorted. “Thanks, I know.” He sighed. “I know a lot of things now,” he said softly, not looking at her.

She bit her lip and studied her fingernails in silence. Severus sighed.

“Well, at least you’ll be thrilled to know I never wasted those two Galleons.”

“What Galleons?”

“The fortune-teller. Years ago. You remember her.”

Lily smiled sadly. “Yeah, I do. And we thought it was all crap.”

Slowly, she reached out and took his left arm and rolled up his sleeve. Severus tried to yank his hand out of her grasp, not wanting her to see it, but she held tight and stared at the gaping black skull and serpent, its eyes glowing a dark blue. She ran a gentle finger along the edge of it and Severus hissed from the burn. Lily quickly let go.

“Well, it really is marred by darkness now, isn’t it?”

Severus didn’t say anything. He sighed. “I’m sorry, Evans. I really am. I messed up.”

She stared at him and then smiled faintly. “It wasn’t really your fault, Sev. Remember what else she said? Don’t stray from the path of light. Once in darkness, it is terribly hard to find the light again, especially if you keep your eyes shut.”

Blinking back tears of shame at his own stupidity, Severus slowly rolled his sleeve back down. Lily reached over and grasped his chin in her hands.

“Sev, listen to me. I know you hate yourself for making such a stupid mistake, and I’ll admit, it was a stupid mistake, but you came back. And that’s all that matters. You came back.”

Severus stared at her for a long moment before turning away from her and staring at his bedcovers.

She was silent for a moment before she grasped his right arm and pulled the sleeve up. He turned away, not wanting to see the ugly red scabs criss crossing his pale arm. Both of his arms were hideous.

“Sev, what the hell did you do this for? I couldn’t believe the headmaster when he told me.”

He shrugged, not wanting to get into this. “Evans, it’s nothing, just forget—”

She grasped his chin and forced him to look at her. She looked deadly serious. “No. I let it go and forgot it the first time around when you were destroying yourself and saying it was nothing, but not anymore, you hear? I never want to hear that sentence come out of your mouth again, Severus Snape. No matter what it is, no matter how awful and twisted and bad it is, I want to hear about it, alright?”

He sighed. “Evans, there’s nothing you can do about it, my mind’s just messed up—”

She tightened her grip on his chin and her eyes sparked. “You tried to kill yourself, Sev! And I refuse to accept that there was nothing we could have done to prevent it. True, we weren’t there for you, but not anymore. You’ll always have us, Sev. All of us. The headmaster, me, Gorgon, even Fawkes. We’ll always listen Sev and we’ll try to understand even if it’s hard. But we’re never going to let it get this far again, you hear me?”

He stared at her. “Evans, why does it matter?”

She looked at him incredulously. “It matters because we nearly lost you, you git! You don’t know how scared I’ve been this entire year, thinking that you’ll get yourself killed or that you’d do something like this but succeed at it,” she paused, staring at him, her eyes sparking with determination. “I swear to you that I’ll help you through this, Sev, but I can only do that if you talk to me. Whatever thoughts are in your head, if they’re amusing you or bothering you, I want to hear about it.”

He sighed. “You wouldn’t understand—”

She raised an eyebrow. “We’ve been over this, Sev! You’ll just have to make me understand.”

“Evans, we’re two very, very different people—”

She held up a hand. “Don’t. Don’t you dare try to play that card again, because it’s shit and you know it. Our friendship has survived a lot of things and it’ll survive this, but only if you let me in. Can you do that, Sev?”

He stared at her, thinking it over. A part of him still didn’t want her getting too close to his darkness and risk damaging that eternal light glowing within her, but inside, he was crying out for her friendship again and her laughter and maybe, maybe, even a tiny bit of that light.

“Alright, Evans. I’ll still never get it why you willingly waste your time like this, but if you want me to try, then I will.”

She smiled and stuck out her hand with her thumb towards him. He smiled, recognizing the old Elfish handshake of friendship, trust and loyalty. Sticking out his own hand, he shook thumbs with her.

“I still don’t think you know what you’re getting into, Evans.”

She grinned. “I never do, Sev. That’s what I love about life.”

 

**July 9 th, 1979**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Severus listlessly chewed on a small piece of cheese, glaring at Fawkes, who was smirking at him. His elf was busy magically hemming a robe the headmaster had bought for him the day before and Lily was sitting in a nearby chair, reading the Quibbler, which was cleverly transfigured to look like the Daily Prophet.

Sighing, Severus felt the dull throb of that familiar headache starting. Leaning back, he closed his eyes. The headache slowly started gaining intensity, hammers slamming into his skull.

He felt his hands starting to shake and heard the faint hum of the Banshees starting to whine. Clenching his teeth, he took a deep breath and tried to make them go away.

It didn’t work.

Slowly opening his eyes again, he felt his fingers turning to ice as they shook, itching for his precious green crystals.

“Does young master want to keep green trim on robes? Look very pretty.”

When Gorgon received no answer, he glanced up and froze when he saw his young master sitting there, eyes staring straight ahead, a thin film of sweat on his forehead.

Immediately putting the robe down, the elf slowly went up to him, holding out a hand. “It alright, it alright. Young master must try to fight them. Must take deep breaths. It pass soon.”

Severus hardly heard him. The Banshees were clutching their heads, screaming shrilly. Visions of his beautiful crystals danced in his mind and his fingers itched for them.

Feeling a small hand on his arm, he threw it off, rage flooding him.

“Don’t touch me!” he snarled.

Gorgon refused to back down and stepped closer to the bed to try again.

Severus glared at him, eyes sparking. “Get away from me, elf!” he hissed.

Lily slowly put down her paper and frowned. “Sev? What the hell? Are you alright?”

“Miss Lily better be leaving for a little while,” Gorgon said quietly, not taking his eyes off Severus.

“Like hell I am.” Pushing herself up, she stepped up to the bed. “Sev? Where did this hissy fit come from? What’s wrong?”

“Miss Lily—”

Severus slowly turned his head, the fire and screaming in his head nearly bursting out of his skull. He stared at Lily. He didn’t see her, didn’t see her concerned expression or hear what she was saying. All he saw were her eyes. Green eyes. Green like his crystals. His eyes narrowed. That was where his elf had hidden them. The filthy, stupid creature. He had been lying. He had hidden them in the girl.

Licking his lips, he braced himself. If he jumped too soon, she might get away. That couldn’t happen.

Not taking his eyes off hers, he tensed and them suddenly lunged out of bed, slamming into her and pinning her to the floor.

“You lied! You lied, you stupid, mudblood bitch! Give them to me!” he screamed, not a hint of rationality in his eyes. Lily yelled at him to get off her as she madly fought against him as he tried to claw at her eyes.

Gorgon ran forward, trying to tear his young master off Lily, but Severus merely spun around and used one hand to shove his elf back hard enough to throw him over.

Then he turned his attention back to Lily, who was writhing beneath him, trying to keep his clawing hands away from her face.

Suddenly, a burst of magic slammed into him and threw him across the room. He was about to slam into the wall, but the magic caught him and gently lowered him to the floor. Enraged, he let out a scream and tried to get up, seeing his crystals getting off the floor and edging further away from him, her face pale and confused.

“Don’t you dare leave! Give them to me!” he screamed.

The headmaster slowly walked towards him, putting himself between Severus and Lily. Gorgon hurried over to Lily and tried to pull her out of the room, but Lily shook him off and refused to leave.

“Severus, I need you to calm down.”

“Fuck you! You saw them too! She has them and she won’t give them to me!” he screamed, pointing a shaking hand at Lily.

“I didn’t see any crystals, dear. And neither did you. You’re letting the Banshees win and cloud your judgement. You need to calm down and take back control of the situation.”

“But she—”

“She doesn’t have any. Nobody here does. You know that. You’re letting the Banshees dictate your actions and you’ve just hurt your best friend terribly.”

Trembling, Severus hunched over, wrapping his shaking arms around himself and staring at the headmaster. Slowly, the rage seeped out of him and he nearly collapsed on the floor.

He stared at the headmaster with wide eyes. Taking a shaky breath, he forced the Banshees to be quiet. Their screams gradually toned down to an annoyed hum and he could think clearly again.

Crystals. He had thought there were crystals here. But why? He knew nobody here had any. Then why—Lily’s eyes. She stared at him from across the room, shock and confusion burning in her green eyes.

Green eyes. Green crystals.

Was he really that stupid? He had attacked her just because she had green eyes?

Tears welled up in his eyes and he let out a mournful wail, burying his face in his arms. He was so stupid. So unbelievably stupid.

He felt arms pulling him into a tight hug and he burrowed in that warmth and safety, burying his face in the long white beard and clutching the light blue robes with shaking hands.

“No, you’re not stupid. You’re still ill, dear and you will be for a long time. You must learn to fight the Banshees when they start screaming and you must learn to take control over your own actions. I know it’s terribly difficult, but it’s not impossible. You’re a strong person and I know you can do this.”

“I’m not strong,” he whispered, mumbling into the robes and wanting the world to leave him alone.

He felt a hand gently turning his chin and he found himself staring into those sadly twinkling blue eyes. “Yes, you are, Severus. More than you’ll ever realize. You must find that strength within you and use it.”

“How?”

“That is something you must find out for yourself, dear. But you will find out, I know that much.”

Feeling way too exhausted to try hunting for something he was sure he didn’t have, he collapsed back into the safety of the headmaster’s arms.

Dumbledore wiped the tears off his cheeks and laid a gentle kiss on his forehead.

“I think you have something to say to Mrs. Potter and Gorgon, Severus.”

Severus sighed and closed his eyes, wanting to die. He could feel both of their presences closing in.

Slowly opening his eyes, he stared at them both, expecting to see anger or resentment, but only finding concern.

He took a shaky breath. “I’m so sorry, both of you. Gorgon, I know I say this much more than I say anything else these days, but I really am sorry.”

“That alright, young master. Gorgy not blaming young master. Gorgy knows these difficult times and we get through it. Young master not have anything to apologize for.”

Severus smiled gratefully, staring at his elf, wanting to tell the elf exactly how much the small creature meant to him, but knowing that he would never be able to put it into words. How does one tell another that they are their life?

Then he looked at Lily. “Evans, look, I’m so sorry. I just got a bit confused and if you put the confusion together with stupidity, the results really aren’t pretty.”

“Sev, shush and don’t be a git. You’re not stupid, you’re just a bit confused.”

“A bit confused? I tried to gouge your eyes out.”

She shrugged. “No hard feelings. Just as long as you stop to think next time or I’ll kick you in the balls hard enough to make you fly out the window.”

He smiled faintly. “Deal.”

She held out a hand and pulled him to his feet. The headmaster got up after him and stood behind him as Lily went back to her chair.

“Now sit your rear end back onto this bed and eat these cheese and crackers or I’ll force them down your throat myself. And while you’re eating I’ll read you some entertaining bits of news.” She waggled her eyebrows at him over her shoulders and sat down, clearing her throat and opening the disguised magazine again. Her smile hid the faint tremor of shock still clutching her.

Severus sighed softly and grinned at her before making his way back to the bed, exhaustion settling around him.

Before he sat back down, he felt the headmaster’s hands on his shoulders.

“Everything alright now?” Dumbledore asked in Elfish.

Severus nodded, giving him a weak smile. “Yes. For now.”

“Splendid. That’s all I ask for. Hogwarts wasn’t built in a day either.” And with that, he turned and walked out of the room, leaving them behind.

Severus lay back down, going back to forcing food down his throat and watching his elf hemming his robe and listening to Evans droning on about the existence of some mythical creature and its possible connections to the Polish Quidditch Team’s recent success.

 

**July 10 th, 1979**

**Hogwarts School**

 

“Evans, you have to be joking.”

She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. “Do I look like I’m joking? Come on. Madame Pomfrey says you’ve been lying in that bed for far too long. You need to use your legs if you don’t want to end up as a cripple.”

Severus sighed. “That would fit into the pattern perfectly.”

“Don’t be a melodramatic git and get up or I’ll make you.”

Before he could protest, his elf had snapped his fingers and the covers were torn off himself. Swearing at them both, he slowly started edging towards the edge of the bed.

His arms shook as he swung his legs over the side, bracing himself for what he was about to do. He hadn’t really been out of bed except for during withdrawal induced fits, and the eerie strength which accompanied them made lunging around easy. But walking without the Banshees help wasn’t going to be easy.

But before he could even try, Gorgon and Lily grabbed him and helped pull him to his feet. As soon as he tried standing on his own legs, they collapsed and with a cry, the three of them fell to the floor in a heap.

Lily laughed as Gorgon chuckled and Severus rolled his eyes at the lot of them. Fawkes gave a mental sniff and muttering something about immaturity.

Lily tossed a strand of hair over her shoulder and pushed herself up, dragging Severus up with her. “Alright, let’s do this again.”

Slowly, they managed to shuffle their way through the bedroom door and into the headmaster’s office.

Dumbledore was just helping Gabby put the finishing touches to a breakfast tray on his desk and with a wave of his wand, he conjured up another chair in front of his desk.

He turned towards them when he heard them coming and smiled broadly.

“Ah, there you all are! How does it feel to be on your own feet, Mr. Snape?”

Severus smiled weakly, trying hard not to fall over. He felt exhausted. “Honestly, I’m starting to feel a real appreciation for a bed, headmaster.”

Dumbledore chuckled and gestured for them to sit down.

Severus spied Gabby just before she disapparated and gave the small, perky elf a smile. She grinned back and waved cheerfully before snapping her fingers and vanishing.

Lily pulled Severus into his own chair, made sure he wasn’t going to slide out of it and then sat down herself. Gorgon was already pouring everyone a tall glass of orange juice, despite the headmaster’s insistence that he could do that.

Severus stared at the feast laid out before him, wondering if looking at it would be enough to make him throw up. Carefully swallowing, he looked away from the heaps of food and stared around the office instead.

He looked back when an elbow dug into his side. “Ow! What?”

Lily raised her eyebrows at him, chewing on a piece of her omelet. “You going to stare and wait for me to jam it up your nose or are you going to feed yourself?”

He scowled and narrowed his eyes at her, but his elf was already busy putting things onto his plate. Many things. He stared at his plate, his eyes wide. He couldn’t possibly eat all of this.

There was toast with jam and eggs and sausages and even more toast and pieces of fruit. The headmaster was already chatting with Lily about something, but he glanced at Severus’ plate and with a discreet snap of his fingers, he made half the food vanish.

Severus smiled in quiet gratitude before feeling his elf nudging him and picking up a fork and a knife.

Hands shaking, he stared at the food. Surprisingly, he felt his stomache grumbling and realized how hungry he was.

But when he moved his fork closer to his eggs, the bile rose in his throat and he lowered his fork again, closing his eyes.

He couldn’t do this. Even the smell was making him nauseous. But he was so damn hungry!

Taking a deep breath, he toyed with his fork, trying not to stare at the jam covered toast in horror.

A small voice deep within his mind suddenly piped up, hissing into his head.

“ _Master wouldn’t like this jam and this toast. It would make his serpent fat_.”

The fork dropped from his fingers, understanding and horror flooding him.

Of course he couldn’t eat this! Master would be so disappointed with him!

“Gorgon, I can’t eat this,” he whispered, horror struck.

His elf swallowed and looked at him with confusion. “Why not?”

“Master—Master wouldn’t approve of it at all. He said jam is very fattening and eggs are too.” He glanced up, nearly panicking now. “Could I, could I just get some lettuce from the kitchen?”

Gorgon’s eyes hardened. “No. No lettuce. Lettuce alone not food.”

Severus’ eyes narrowed slightly and he heard the Banshees starting to hum again. “Master says it is,” he hissed.

“Dark master is crazy fool and not knowing what he talking about.”

Severus slammed his fist onto the table, causing his plate and Lily’s to fall to the floor and shatter. “Shut up!” He yelled, pushing himself up, enraged.

“Severus, kindly calm yourself. Gorgon meant no disrespect.”

Severus glared at the headmaster. “He insulted master!” he hissed.

“Master? Sev, are you crazy? Gorgon’s right. He’s not only a crazy fool, he’s a murdering, sick pervert and that’s just for starters—”

Severus spun around and the look in his eyes made Lily quickly stand up and take a few steps back.

“How dare you?!” He yelled, shaking with rage and feeling his head starting to throb again.

Lily’s eyes hardened. “How dare I? What kind of a question is that, Sev? It’s the truth! How can you not realize that? Look what he did to you!”

“It wasn’t master’s fault!”

“Like hell it wasn’t!”

“Excuse me, but could we all please lower our voices and sit down for a moment? There are many issues at stake here and I’m afraid yelling ourselves hoarse about it won’t do any good. Gorgon, could you take Severus back to the bedroom please? The headache seems to be worsening.”

Nodding quickly, Gorgon pulled on his young master’s sleeve and yanked him back into the bedroom, ignoring Severus’ attempts to glare at Lily and hiss insults at her along the way.

As soon as the door shut behind them, Lily rounded on the headmaster, eyes sparking.

“Why did you just sit there? Didn’t you hear the crap coming out of his mouth?”

The headmaster held up a hand and motioned for her to sit down. “Please calm yourself, Mrs. Potter. This is a very delicate and complex situation.”

She crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow. “Then explain it to me.”

“Explain?”

“Yes. I’m not moving from this chair until I understand why Sev still idolizes the bastard who destroyed his life. And don’t feed me any garbage about my not understanding because you’ll explain until I do.”

The headmaster sighed deeply and sat at his desk in silence for a while before pushing himself up and moving to the window, staring out into the sunshine.

“The answer to your question is complex and immensly sad, Mrs. Potter. How much has Severus told you about his childhood?”

Lily shrugged, not understanding what it had to do with anything. “Not much. I never asked about it and he never brought it up. All I know is that whatever happened, it wasn’t anything good. He flinched everytime I touched him and I didn’t know any other twelve year old who slept with his wand under his pillow and his elf on the end of his bed.”

The headmaster nodded slowly. “Well, I will leave that discussion for Severus to have with you when he is ready.” He took a deep breath. “The reason Severus still has such respect for Lord Voldemort is quite simple, but difficult to take in. He has spent his entire childhood living in constant fear of a man who abused his position as Severus’ caretaker in the worst possible ways, but justified the abuse constantly and made Severus feel as if he deserved and should even want whatever was done to him. When his Father was killed—and please do not ask me to elaborate on that, Mrs. Potter, as I said, Severus will explain when he feels he is ready—he came to live here at Hogwarts. I had hoped that living here among good people would banish some of those hard learned and terribly untrue lessons from his heart, but they simply lay there in deep sleep. I believe they were woken when he thought I was upset with him and didn’t want him to remain at Hogwarts any longer. In order to find somebody else to love him, he turned to the first person who stepped up and smiled at him.”

“Lord Voldemort.”

“Yes. I don’t know how he met him or why Lord Voldemort developed such a special interest in him, but that again is Severus’ story to tell. All I know is that Severus came to believe that his master loved him and since Lord Voldemort played by the same so-called rules as his Father had, Severus felt comfortable and willingly did whatever his master demanded of him.”

“Like wearing that hideous collar and eating lettuce.”

“Precisely. The important thing you must realize is that Severus was not physically forced into any of these things. He was mentally forced and in a way in which he never even realized it. He developed a tremendous respect and even love for his master and even when he started to realize that Lord Voldemort had been toying with him, that love and respect did not waver.”

“So Sev does hate him?”

“Yes. More than many people I know.”

“But he still loves him?”

“Yes. It is the most loathsome and most burdensome of all loves. To hate someone more than your own life because you love them more than your own life.”

Lily stared at the table before her, toying with a fork. “It does make sense,” she said slowly.

“Of course it does. Severus has a brilliant mind, if a bit confused at times. He always considered his choices very carefully and waited until his own mind had convined him that this was the best course of action. I believe this to be one of the reasons Lord Voldemort likes people like Severus so much. People who never bother using their minds can become loyal servants, but that loyalty will never be completely unwavering. But if someone can bend the minds of intelligent people to his own will, then they will be his forever.”

Lily took a deep breath and clenched her jaw. “I hate him.”

“As do I, Mrs. Potter, but there is nothing we can do about that right now. All we can do is thank heavens that Severus came back to us and hope that he will find a way within himself to right this.”

“Well, at least he’s never going back.”

The headmaster didn’t respond and Lily took that to be the obvious agreement to her statement.

She sat there, quietly lost in her own thoughts before a small idea started to form in her mind.

Smiling suddenly, she pushed herself up. “Excuse me, headmaster. I have to make a quick trip to the library.”

The old man didn’t answer her and was still staring out of his window, sadness dulling the twinkle in his eyes.

 

*             *             *

 

Gorgon and Severus both glanced up when they heard the faint knock on the door. Waving his hand at it, Severus opened it. Lily stepped into the room, a book clutched in her hands.

“Hey,” she smiled.

He gave her a weak smile. “Hey.”

“How’s the headache?”

“Better. Gorgon yelled at the Banshees for me and they’ve crept back into hiding. I think they’re insulted.”

Gorgon snorted. “Good.”

Lily stepped up to them and crouched down before Severus’ chair. “Look, Sev. I’m sorry I insulted Lord Volde—”

With a hiss, Severus clutched his left arm and grimaced as Gorgon madly shushed her.

Realizing her mistake, she bit her lip.

“I’m sorry, Sev. I say the name all the time. I just didn’t realize—”

Severus stared at her. “You say master’s name all the time?”

“Well, yes. I’m not scared of him and even if I were, I always considered it childish not to say the name of someone whom you fear, but I understand why you can’t.”

Severus continued staring at her. Then he managed a faint smile, still rubbing his sore mark. The indignant brand was still burning faintly but had calmed down and gone back to throbbing with annoyance at the constant light magic in the castle.

“I figured you would say his name, Evans. Out of all people, you are the only one I know—asides from the headmaster—who would dare stand and give him a piece of your mind.”

She grinned. “You bet I would.” Then she cleared her throat. “Listen, Sev. I’m sorry I called him names before.”

He sighed deeply. “Don’t be sorry, Evans. I know they’re all true, but that doesn’t mean I can tolerate it.”

“I know.”

They sat in silence for a moment before Lily smiled and pulled her book out from behind her. “Look what I dug up in the library.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “You know where the library is?” he asked incredulously.

She rolled her eyes and smacked his arm gently before handing him the book.

Severus raised his other eyebrow. “You got me a cooking book? Thanks, Evans, but I have never had the slightest inclination towards learning how to cook and now is not the time.”

“I didn’t get you this so you could learn how to cook, git. I got it because it lists about every food known on this earth and their caloric value and fat content.”

Curious, Severus opened it.

“You better start on page 37, Sev. That’s where you’ll find eggs.”

Gorgon was staring at her with admiration in his eyes and gave her a tiny nod of approval.

Sighing, he flipped to page 37 and then went down the list until he found eggs.

“What does it say, Sev?”

“It says that white eggs have 70 calories and 5 grams of fat in them.” He stared at her. “Happy?”

“Not until you are. Now, flip through the book a bit and tell me if 5 grams of fat would make you as fat as eating something that’s really fattening.”

Slowly, he started leafing through the book, frowning whenever he reached something like bread or apples which master had sworn would make him fat if he ate just one tiny piece, and discovering that they wouldn’t.

That silent creature of hate within him stirred once more and anger and hate flooded him. Master had lied to him again. Sure, master had been right about some things. Eating a dozen eggs everyday would make him fat and unhealthy, but most of the food he had been forbidden to eat over the past year wasn’t only unfattening, but were necessary.

Slowly, he shut the book, carefully putting it on the floor beside him, intent on using it to try and force down lunch later on.

“Merlin, I’m so stupid,” he whispered softly.

Gorgon gently squeezed his hand. “No. Young master brilliant. But sometimes being brilliant just as bad as being stupid. Sometimes more bad.”

 

*             *             *

 

The Banshees woke him up. Sweating and moaning from their screaming, he woke up, gasping for breath and clutching his head.

Fawkes immediately woke up when he heard Severus moaning and he called Albus.

The door immediately opened and the headmaster hurried over to the bed, laying a soothing hand on Severus’ burning cheek.

Severus flinched from the touch and his eyes flew open, staring wildly at the figure beside him, trying to calm the Banshees long enough to recognize the person.

“Shh, it’s alright, child. It’s only me.”

Calming down immediately, he whimpered from the throbbing in his head, feeling the cool hand on his cheek soothing him. The headmaster slightly turned and cast a sleeping charm over Gorgon’s form, not wanting the old elf to have to wake up unless it was necessary.

Closing his eyes, Severus concentrated on trying to make the Banshees shut up and getting rid of the images of beautiful, glimmering, green crystals which danced within his mind.

Feeling the hand on his face moving, he reached out, blindly clutching it and held it in place.

“I’m not going anywhere, have no fear.”

Softly, the headmaster started humming an Elfish lullaby, soothing the burning in Severus’ mind as he fought a raging mental battle.

When he calmed down and the Banshees had finally surrendered and resumed their quiet, annoyed humming, he slowly opened his eyes.

Albus smiled and was about to remove his hand, but Severus was still gripping it, staring at him with wide eyes.

“Please don’t go,” he whispered.

In response, Dumbledore pulled him into his arms and sat on the bed, holding him and letting Severus bury himself within the warm folds of his robes and beard.

They sat there in silence, staring into the darkness, neither letting go of the other.

Finally Severus took a shaky breath and put into words the ache he had been feeling since that morning.

“I miss master,” he whispered, trying to sound ashamed but only sounding as sad as he felt. He had felt that old longing tugging at him ever since he had yelled at Lily that morning and he had realized with a feeling of shame that he hadn’t thought about master in days.

He knew he should be feeling anger and hatred towards him, but he only felt immense longing and sadness. Moving his hand up, he gently fingered the edge of the collar.

The headmaster laid his chin on his head so Severus couldn’t see the despair in his eyes.

“I know you do.”

“Are you angry that I do?”

“No, dear. I know you miss him terribly.”

Severus sighed softly. “I hope Bella is taking good care of him. She sometimes doesn’t remember how master likes his bed made and he gets quite angry with her, but I hope she remembers. Her mind doesn’t work that well anymore,” he whispered, feeling an ache within him when he thought about his bondmate. He hadn’t opened his bond in days in fear that she would realize why he had run away.

“Who’s Bella?”

“She’s my bondmate,” he whispered, sadness nearly bringing him to tears. “I miss her too.”

“Of course you do. Nobody blames you for it or is upset with you for it.”

Severus sighed softly, feeling tears running down his cheeks at the fierce ache within him.

“I miss master,” he whispered once more, turning and burying his face in the headmaster’s nightgown, sobbing quietly while the headmaster gently rocked them back and forth, humming an Elfish lullaby, his eyes unreadable.

 

**July 15 th, 1979**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Tightening his grip on Xira’s mane, Severus gave her a low whistle and she sped up, unfolding her massive black wings and galloping up into the air. The wind tore past him as he heard a shriek of joy from behind him.

Glancing over his shoulder, the wind whipping his hair over his face, he spied Lily galloping after him on Elixa, her arms spread wide and her red hair flying around her.

“Evans, would you hold on? You’re going to fall off!” Severus yelled at her.

She laughed and wiggled her hands around. “Don’t be a git, Sev! I won’t fall!”

Severus smiled wryly. Of course she wouldn’t. She never would.

He turned back around and steered Xira around a cluster of tall cliffs, hanging on as she skimmed past them.

He took a deep breath and couldn’t help but smile. It had been so long since he had just ridden Xira wherever he wanted to go. Going on raids didn’t technically count as going where he wanted to go. Besides, now he didn’t have to worry about getting caught, about keeping an eye on Bella and making sure he didn’t mess up and make master angry.

Thoughts of master immediately dampened his joy, but he ruthlessly suppressed those feelings, along with the Banshees.

Feeling the air beside him picking up speed, he turned just as Lily ran past him, her hands tightly wrapped in her thestral’s mane, whopping with joy and laughing at him.

Grinning, he urged Xira faster and they ran through the air, the great black wings slowly waving through the wind.

They reached the edge of a deep gorge. Just as Severus looked down and marvelled at the steep cliff’s beauty, he heard Lily holler and he turned just in time to see her leaping off of Elixa and letting herself fall, arms spread wide and screaming with joy.

“Evans!” Severus screamed after her, his heart in his throat. He was about to urge Xira downwards and try to catch her when he spied Elixa flying in a large spiral, slowly following the shrieking whirlwind of red hair downwards.

When she was about ten meters from the ground, Elixa darted forward and caught her, lifting them back up and flying back up to Severus.

As soon as she was beside him again, breathless and grinning wildly, Severus glared at her, still panicked.

“You irresponsible, reckless idiot! What would have happened if she wouldn’t have caught you?!” he yelled over, both of them slowly circling over the gorge.

Lily laughed, tossing strands of her hair over her shoulder.

“Oh, Sev! You’ll never enjoy life if all you ever worry about is whether somebody will catch you or not! Sometimes you just have to leap and look later!”

He opened his mouth to retort something back, but before he could get a word out, she reached over, grabbed him and yanked him off Xira.

With a scream, he found himself falling, spiralling towards the ground at an insane speed, hurling past those cliffs he had been looking at.

He shut his eyes, but when he felt Lily squeezing his hand, he slowly forced them open.

Her shrieking echoed around him and he kept falling, worried sick that at any moment they would slam into the ground and he was just about to fumble for his wand and levitate them, when he felt a soft mane in his fingers. He grabbed it and immediately, he landed on Xira’s back, releasing Lily’s fingers just in time.

The two thestrals immediately rose back up, their riders safe and sound.

Severus took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his heartrate and feeling immensely relieved that he wasn’t dead.

Lily grinned at him. “You see, Sev? It wasn’t so bad! As long as you keep your eyes open you’ll always know exactly where you’re falling to so it’s okay!” She yelled over. Then with another whoop of joy, she nudged Elixa and turned back towards Hogwarts.

Severus hovered in the air for a moment, giving Xira a pat and staring after his friend.

Lily slowed Elixa and glanced over her shoulder. “You coming, Sev?”

Severus sighed, a small smile on his lips. “She’s crazy, isn’t she Xira? Bloody Gryffindor,” he mumbled, but his thestral had heard him and snorted. Whether she was laughing at him or agreeing with him, he didn’t know.

Nudging Xira, he grinned and galloped after her, racing past her and hearing her outraged cry and laugh behind him.

When they reached Hogwarts, they slowed down and their thestrals landed, galloping up the path, through the gate and to the front doors.

Giving another low whistle, Severus tightened his grip momentarily as Xira skid to a stop and he slid off her, patting her neck and smiling as she nudged him with her muzzle.

“Alright, alright,” he mumbled, scratching the tip of her nose.

Lily threw her arms around Elixa and gave her big kiss on her nose before sending her off. Xira nudged Severus one more time before turning and cantering after Elixa into the Forest.

Severus brushed a few of Xira’s hairs off his robes and grimaced slightly as he rubbed his mark. It always felt better when he left Hogwarts, even for these little daily rides which Lily and Madame Pomfrey had insisted on and the headmaster had thoroughly encouraged. Now it started to throb dully again, irritated as usual.

Severus sighed, rubbing it. He turned and was about to walk up the stairs to the front door when he realized Lily wasn’t following. He turned back and saw her standing there, arms thrown wide open and her face turned up towards the sun, her eyes closed and red  hair shimmering.

“Evans, what are you doing?”

“You know what I wish, Sev?”

He suppressed a sigh. Now that they were back on solid ground, his head was starting to hurt but whether it was the Banshees or the sunshine, he couldn’t guess. Probably both.

“What?”

“I wish I could find a way to bottle up sunshine and take it home with me and pour it all over my house so it would be sunny all the time.”

Severus snorted. “Merlin help us.”

She grinned, not moving. “It would probably make you pass out but you’d get used to it, Sev. And you’d smile a lot more. And you wouldn’t look like a wilted plant either.”

He rolled his eyes as she laughed and opened her eyes.

Turning around, she threw an arm over his shoulder. Severus muttered that she was crazy and he’d rather look like a wilted plant than be crazy, and he slung his arm over her shoulder and they walked up the steps into the school.

 

**July 16 th, 1979**

**Hogwarts School**

 

The familiar chair creaking slightly, Severus sat down gingerly, glancing sideways at Evans and Gorgon who sat down on either side of him.

The headmaster sat in front of them, his clasped hands lightly resting on his desk, Fawkes perched on the back of his chair.

“So, I believe it is high time to start discussing some matters.”

Severus sighed. Here it was. Finally. It was time to go to Azkaban. Apparently, his elf had the same thoughts.

“We surrender quietly, headmaster. No fuss. We go quietly.”

Severus immediately stiffened, frowning. “Headmaster, we have discussed this. If anybody is going then it’ll be me, by myself.”

His elf scowled and opened his mouth to launch into a protest, but Severus held up a hand. “We can argue about this until we’re both blue in the face, Gorgon, but I won’t give in. Not this time. You’re not coming with me. You’ve done nothing to deserve it.”

“Gorgy will lie! Gorgy will make up horrible stories to sir Aurors and they put Gorgy into Azkaban faster than young master!”

“No, Gorgon! I mean it. You’re not coming with me. I won’t allow it. I’ll stun you and bind you if I have to, but you’re not coming. You have always deserved much better than me and giving you the freedom you deserve is the least I can do.”

“Young master is crazy if thinking Gorgy not going!”

His head was starting to throb as the Banshees started complaining. He grit his teeth and carefully tried to control the rage simmering in his veins. “Elf—”

“If I could interupt this lively debate, just for a moment?”

Gorgon and Severus stared at each other for another moment before turning to the headmaster. Lily was chewing on her lower lip, looking like she was thinking about the fastest way to get Severus and Gorgon out of the castle and some place safe.

The headmaster sighed and leaned forward, studying the young wizard and his elf carefully. “There are other choices here. Azkaban is one, yes, but running is also another option. And yes, I would help you both run without hesitation, damn the laws which would prevent me from doing so. If you want to run, I would help you as much as I could but there are limits to what I can do.”

Severus slowly shook his head, feeling slightly exhausted as the rage drained out of him. “No, headmaster. We won’t run. Not now or ever.”

“Sev, are you crazy? Why not?” Lily demanded, staring at him with wide eyes.

“Evans, we can’t run. If we do, I’ll run straight back to master, I know it. It’s hard enough living without him now, but at least I have all of you here. If Gorgon and I were on our own, I couldn’t take it very long. I’d run back to master, I know I would. And this entire mess would start all over again and I don’t want that. The only problem is, I want master more than I don’t want this mess again and there isn’t anything I can do about it. But I’m not going to go back and let him use me and make stupid mistakes that result in innocent people being murdered by my hand.” He took a long, shaky breath, the girl’s sad eyes rising in his mind. “As long as I’m in Azkaban, I can’t get to master no matter how badly I might want to.”

His elf nodded firmly. “Then it settled. We go to Azkaban.”

“Elf, I don’t know how many more times I have to—”

“Pardon me, gentlemen, before we launch into this argument once more. There is one last option left.”

All three of them stared at the headmaster. As far as Severus was concerned, there were no other options. Either he would run back to master or he would let himself be locked up so he couldn’t. There was nothing else for him to do.

The headmaster turned his attention solely on Severus and regarded him quietly for quite some time. Severus chewed on his lower lip, trying to decide how to best stun his elf when the Aurors came tomorrow morning. Or better yet, Evans could arrest him in the middle of the night and haul him away without his elf waking.

“Severus, I believe there is a way to take care of many problems in one shot. I believe there is one option in which you could return to Lord…you know, but at the same time, have a safe refuge to run to when you need it.”

Severus frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“Let me put this more plainly, dear. He currently thinks that you’re here to spy on me, correct?”

Severus nodded, frowning. “Yes, but I have no intention of..besides, I don’t know anything. He’d be extremely upset if I showed up empty handed.”

“Well, why not continue ‘spying’ on me?”

Severus, Gorgon and Lily both stared at the headmaster, none of them understanding.

Albus continued looking soley at Severus, knowing that this was his choice and his alone.

“Apparantely, I didn’t put it plainly enough the first time. To tell the truth, Severus, this war is currently going very much in his favor.”

Severus snorted, he couldn’t help it. “I’ve known that for quite some time, sir. The Aurors—pardon me, Evans—are too busy chasing after their own tails.”

Lily didn’t appear the least insulted, knowing that it was true.

“Now, then, you see my problem. I need to somehow find a way to make the odds more even. The only way we can do that is if we know what he is thinking before he acts on it so we have more time to prepare and counter his attacks more efficiently. Up until now, we have only been running after situations which have already happened and moping up the mess as best as possible and trying to place guards at the most suspicious of places, but there are far too many places and far too few of us.”

Severus nodded, knowing all of this already. He couldn’t count the number of times master had laughed gleefully, having foiled the ministry dimwits once more.

“And then we have your problem. You wish to return to your master but you fear losing yourself in your own darkness once more. You need a place to anchor you and keep your mind set in the right direction, am I right?”

Severus had serious doubts that his mind was capable of knowing the ‘right’ direction if it were shown it, but he nodded again.

“No.” Evans’ harsh voice snapped through his thoughts. He frowned at her for being so rude to interupt the headmaster, but she was sitting up straight, frowning and her hard eyes staring at the headmaster.

“I know what you’re thinking and it’s crazy. You can’t ask him to risk his life and his sanity like that, sir. Hasn’t he suffered enough?”

“Mrs. Potter, I think you misunderstand me—”

“Misunderstand?!” Her voice rose with her anger. “You want Sev to go back and play spy for you while pretending to play spy for him, don’t you?”

The headmaster sighed softly and looked back at Severus, who was gaping at him. Severus blinked a few times, trying to work through what Evans had just said. The headmaster wanted him to spy on master. For him. While pretending to spy on the headmaster. For him.

The banshees started wailing in confusion and he wearily rubbed his head, hissing at them to shut up. He had to stay focused.

His elf had also sat up straight. “Absolutely out of question! This rubbish!” His elf waved his hand in the air as if dismissing the entire situation.

Severus grabbed Gorgon’s hand as his tired mind frantically worked through what Evans had said. “No, no, no. It’s brilliant. Elf, think about it. We’d be helping the right side and I’d get to see master and Bella. It’s absolutely brilliant.”

“Brilliant? Are you mad, Sev? Have the Banshees finally gotten control over your head? Do you know what you’re agreeing to? You’re willing to betray Lord V..him! You’d be a traitor, Sev! If he ever found out—”

“If dark master ever finding out, young master knows what he do to him! Do much worse things than he already has! Not remembering how upset dark master is when mission goes little wrong? This much more than mission going wrong! This is betrayal!”

Severus managed a faint smile. “Elf, I already betrayed master. The day we left. The day I promised him I’d go and spy for him and really, I left him to die. Although that plan got a little bit muddled, I still lied to him, and betrayed him. And not only that, but I hate him, elf. And that’s the worst crime there is. Doing this wouldn’t increase that betrayal any bit.”

“It making it much more dangerous! We not knowing anything about this spy business! We good at potions and curses, not espionaging!”

Severus chewed on his lower lip, knowing this was true. He glanced at the headmaster, who hadn’t said a word and had merely sat there, looking at him.

“This is entirely your choice, Severus. Not Gorgon’s, not mine, and not Mrs. Potter’s. If you want to do this, know that I will help you in any way that I can—and believe me, there are many ways I can help keep you safe—and if you decide not to, I will not be angry and I will help you and Gorgon do whatever else you decide to do.”

Still chewing on his lower lip, Severus took a deep breath. Technically, he had already betrayed master. But that had only been in his mind. If he did this, then his body would be betraying master as well. He would be working against master. But on the other hand, he would be helping the right side. He would be helping to right some of the wrongs he had done. He knew that the side of the Light was outnumbered intelligence and manpower wise and that sooner or later, master would win and Darkness would veil the earth. And he knew better than most people what life in that Darkness would be like. There would be no more Hogwarts, there would be no more headmaster or Gorgon or Evans or sunshine or laughter. Or light.

That hidden serpent deep within him stirred once more, the same creature who secretly loved the hatred he held towards master and the same creature who now flooded him with determination. He wouldn’t stand by and let master extinguish that light. Even though he knew he would never truly find his place within it, he feared and loathed the thought of darkness being his eternal home. That serpent hissed quietly. Yes. He wouldn’t let it happen. He wouldn’t let darkness flood this earth the same way it had flooded his soul. It was too late to save his soul, but it wasn’t too late to save people like his elf and Evans, and other innocent girls with blue eyes and other families like the McKinnons.

Slowly raising his eyes, he nodded, ignoring the hissed curses from Evans.

“I’ll do it, headmaster. If it will keep the light on this earth shining and if it will help right some of the wrongs which exist in this world, then I’ll do it. I have no delusions that doing this will help purify my own soul, but maybe it will help save someone else’s.”

The headmaster smiled and seemed on the verge of saying something, but then abruptly changed his mind and nodded. “If you’re sure about this, Severus.”

“Yes. More than anything. I know I’ve made stupid decisions before, but I really think this will be one of the good ones.”

Lily had fallen quiet, staring at the floor with wide eyes, pressing her lips together and her face pale.

Gorgon stared at him quietly. “Is young master sure about this?”

Severus smiled, the serpent baring its fangs in rebellion against the mildly itching brand on his arm. “Yes, elf. More than anything.”

His old elf sighed softly, then raised his eyes upwards and muttered a “Grindelwald!”

before nodding. “Alright, if this is what young master wants, then this is what we do.”

Leaning forward, his elf looked up at the headmaster, already awaiting their first instructions. Although always hesistant to leap over a cliff into the unknown, if his young master was willing to do it, Gorgon would hurl himself off it and prepare to battle whatever lay before them, his hesitation left behind.

Severus took a deep breath. He could still change his mind. He knew that. But he felt the serpent hissing in fiery determination and he knew he didn’t want to. He had to do this.

“Alright. If I’m going to be a traitor, then I might as well do it properly and start now. Headmaster, if you could get several bottles of ink, a few good quills and about two rolls of parchment ready, then we’ll get right to it.”

A smile erupted on his elf’s face as he realized what they were going to do. “Headmaster might need three rolls of parchment. Maybe four. Very many details.”

Evans frowned. “Sev, what the hell are you—”

“We’re going to tell you everything. Absolutely everything. The Death Eaters we know, what they do, the rituals, the initiation and even master’s little habits if you care to know. Evans, I’d pay careful attention if I were you. You might get a nice little raise.”

Evans and the headmaster both smiled as Albus conjured up rolls of parchment and reached for a quill.

Taking a deep breath, Severus started talking.

For the next three hours, he was only interrupted by his elf correcting him on something or adding in something which he had forgotten. The headmaster only asked a few questions to steer the conversation back on track when Severus started describing the books on master’s shelf and what books were his favourite. At first Severus was insulted when the headmaster didn’t deem this as important, but Dumbledore quickly smiled and said that of course these details were important and he dutifully wrote them down.

They told them everything, the headmaster’s quill writing down every word and scribbling roll after roll of parchment full and both Evans and the headmaster listening, at times with revulsion and at times with fascination as Severus and Gorgon unveiled the world of organized madness and darkness which Lord Voldemort had created for himself and his followers.

They told him names, sometimes only first or last names and sometimes only vague descriptions of people whom Severus remembered from crystal fevered haziness. They told him who the masters were and what their jobs were and described in detail how Lucius Malfoy had first approached him, lured him towards him with promises of false friendship and then discarded him as soon as Severus started his training.

They told him about the first recruitment testing and then the weeks of training until the final initiation ceremony. They told him about the weekly dueling sessions, omitting absolutely nothing about the way they duelled and the punishments they had to serve, not even leaving out Nagini’s crucial role in the ritual madness.

They told him about the few informants Severus knew of within the ministry and what information they brought master. They told him how raids were planned and how people were carefully selected to go on them depending on their specific skills. Severus quietly told them about the raids he had gone on and what he had done, but being adamant in the fact that he had never killed anyone on the raids.

They even described the hidden secrets of the Dark Mark, with Severus scowling and rubbing the burning mark as it protested having its secrets blurted out to the wrong side. Severus swore that it had some nearly sentient qualities, but Gorgon denied this and merely said it was fine tuned to different magical currents and the moods of its bearer. They drew the headmaster a careful diagram of how the dark manor looked, even marking the apparation spots which Severus and Gorgon knew of. Gorgon spend some time describing the flourishing black market run by the elves in the manor—those with still sound minds—and the thriving drug trade within the dark walls.

There were some thing neither Severus nor Gorgon knew—such as how the drugs got into the manor, the identity of all Death Eaters, other prime places of recruitment, how Lucius Malfoy and his assistants heard about delusioned, brilliant loners like Severus, and most importantly, how to get to the manor. Only Xira knew this, and she only possessed the destination in her soul, burned like the mark deep within her and unable to tell anybody where it was, only knowing it.

If the headmaster or Evans were angry that they didn’t have all the answers, they never showed it. They listened in silence, only expressions flickering across their faces.

Severus left his unique relationship with Bella until last. Up until now, he had been careful to omit as many personal details as necessary, not wanting them to know the extent of his stupidity and shame, but Gorgon quickly whispered that it was important.

So Severus launched into an entirely different story, his eyes glued to the carpet and his voice a faint whisper. He explained how he and Bella had met and become partners and how master had taken a special interest in them either because of their age or for some reason deeply hidden within his twisted mind.

He described in a hushed, ashamed whisper how master had made them his personal companions and put the collar on them and had spent days breaking them until Bella was merely a wasted ghost of the stubborn, brilliant Black she used to be. He felt a flare of protectiveness and longing within him when he talked about their bond and how they had always stood by each other, taking the fall for the other when one was too weak and how it had been Bella’s unintentional fault that he had been introduced to Hell’s Breath. Severus felt a sudden need to justify his bond mate’s choices and he made sure to emphasize that she couldn’t really be held accountable for what she had done. Evans hotly disagreed with this but Severus stiffened and glared, not agreeing with her. Bella always had reasons behind her madness, never doing anything merely for the heck of it. The fact that her reasons were twisted and inhumane at times was her fault as much as master’s. Master had turned her into a broken, deranged lunatic and Bella had ceased to understand how the world around her worked and how to tell the difference between right and wrong.

He spent as little time as possible talking about what master did to them and made them do for his entertainment and even less time on his slow spiral into drug addiction and the things he had let other people do to him for a few grains of his beautiful crystals.

Finally, Severus told them about the people had killed, either lost in his drug haven or in the throes of violent withdrawal. He couldn’t find the words to describe what he had done to the poor girl with the blue eyes so Gorgon stepped up and quietly finished, explaining how he had finally managed to make Severus see what he had been looking at for months and convince him that they needed to run from this dark hell before it consumed him entirely.

Swallowing hard, Severus took a deep breath when he had finished, his throat sore and his eyes filled with tears he refused to shed. He had spent enough time feeling sorry for himself.

Evans had her jaw clenched and also had tears in her eyes as she stared at the carpet. The headmaster slowly reached over and took the quill off the parchment and carefully rolled them up, his hands shaking.

“Well, I know that was extremely difficult for you both and I thank you. Most of this information will be invaluable to us and there was no way we could have ever found out any of this on our own.”

Severus sighed and wearily rubbed his head, feeling the headache coming on again. His hands were staring to tremble slightly.

“If you’ll excuse me, headmaster, my head is starting to complain and my arm is extremely upset with me. I think I’ll lie down for a bit.”

“Of course, of course. Go right ahead. I’ll have dinner brought up when you wake up.”

Pushing himself up and wincing at the wailing in his head, Severus slowly shuffled to the bedroom, feeling utterly exhausted.

Reaching the bedroom, he nearly crawled over the carpet and fell into bed. Closing his eyes, he heard footsteps pattering in behind him and shutting the door. Feeling himself being lightly levitated, he let his elf tuck him under the blankets and then sit down beside him.

Severus opened his eyes and stared up at Gorgon. Biting his lip, he felt an overwhelming sense of longing within him. Talking about master and Bella so much made him ache for both of them.

“I miss master and Bella, Gorgon,” he whispered in Elfish.

Gorgon smoothed some strands of hair off his forehead. “Gorgy knows. And if young master still sure about this whole spying business—”

Severus nodded firmly. “Yes, Gorgon. We have to do this. For people like that poor girl and the headmaster and Evans…and Bella. I don’t want others to end up like her.”

His elf nodded. “In that case, we be seeing master and Miss Bella soon. But young master must not let that excitement cloud judgement. Young master must want this for right reasons, not just to see master again.”

Severus briefly closed his eyes, seeing Bella and Evans in his mind. As he stared at them, he slowly saw the light fading from Evans’ eyes and they turned as bleak and empty as Bella’s, staring at the world with no understanding or love of it. As he kept looking, he saw a black collar snaking around Evans’ neck, a faint smile on her face.

Opening his eyes again, he clenched his jaw. He’d never let that happen. Lily Evans was more than just his friend. She had always been his light, keeping a small part of him anchored on this side, even after he left it for darkness. And he would do anything to keep her from that darkness. He wouldn’t let it win over her.

“I have all the right reasons, Gorgon. We need to do this for Bella and for Evans. One because we couldn’t save her and the other because we still can. We have to.”

Gorgon nodded, a faint smile of pride on his face. Stroking his young charge’s cheek, he started quietly humming an Elfish lullaby, slowly pulling him into sleep.

 

**July 18 th, 1979**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Ducking, he barely missed the hex Evans had thrown at him. Pointing his wand at her, he gasped out whatever came to his mind and was rewarded when she was lifted off the ground and started spinning madly, screaming vile names at him.

He raised his wand to counter it, but he was gasping too hard and his head hurt too much. His legs gave way from underneath him and he sprawled onto the floor.

Moments later, he heard Evans’ screaming and swearing coming to a stop and then he saw his elf’s feet appearing before his nose.

“Young master react too slowly to curse. Barely ducked it. Was terrible.”

“ _I absolutely agree. Personally, I saw that curse coming from across the room_.” Fawkes chimed in, sniffing and smirking.

Severus glared at his elf’s feet and didn’t even both answer the prissy remark in his head. “I’m tired, elf!” he gasped out, that familiar anger coursing through him. Damn he wanted his crystals. His hands shook and he curled them into angry fists. No, no, no!

“Young master stronger than this. Been eating good food for many days now and been on own feet for many days too. Not tired, only letting Banshees exhaust him.” His elf scolded, leaning over and helping Lily to her feet.

Severus grit his teeth, hearing the wailing screeches in his mind. Shut up! Damn you, shut up! I need to concentrate! They laughed at him, glowing green eyes burning into his head.

This would be so much easier with crystals. The thought alone made his hands start to shake again and he grit his teeth. Quickly, he shoved himself off the floor. He had to avoid thinking about them. The headmaster had been adament about this.

Taking a few deep breaths, he narrowed his eyes and mentally suppressed their screaming. He had to focus.

Lily glared at him. “You can do better than that, Sev! What’s this about Aurors stinking where it comes to duelling when compared to Death Eaters, huh?”

He narrowed his eyes. “I can’t do this like I used to, Evans!”

She raised an eyebrow. “Your mind permanently muddled, is that it? Forgotten all the good curses, huh?”

“No.”

“Then show me, damn it!” Taking a step back, she hurled another curse at him. His attention focused now, he brought his arm up and deflected the curse back at her and sent a fireball at her feet. She tried to duck and jump at the same time to avoid both but the fireball caught her robe on fire. While she extinguished it, Severus hurled another curse at her, breaking her ankle and sending her crashing to the floor with a scream of pain.

Immediately, Severus regretted it. He hurried over to her. “Evans! Are you alright? I didn’t mean to—”

“Fuck you, Sev! What the hell? You going to throw Cruciatus at me next, huh?”

Gorgon hurried over and fixed Evans’ ankle and helped her to her feet.

“It’s more effective than a stupid Jelly-Legs curse!”

Her eyes were blazing. “Maybe more effective in brutality, but not in duelling, Sev!”

“There’s no difference!” he hissed back, having heard master lecturing them about this endlessly. “You do whatever it takes to win, no matter what happens! And if people get hurt, then they left themselves open to the curse and it’s their own damn fault!”

Lily pushed strands of hair off her face, equally angry now. Her eyes sparked.

“There is a difference Sev, between fighting until your opponent lost and fighting until your opponent is a huddled mass of pain and blood!”

Severus stared at her, not understanding. Winning was winning, and who cared what the other person looked like at the end? They’d get a lashing anyway so who cares if they had a broken ankle? The lashing would remove thoughts of that pain from their minds very quickly.

Evans sighed at the confusion in his eyes. She glanced at Gorgon. “Gorgon, can’t you—”

“No. Miss Lily must explain this on own.”

Chewing on her lower lip, Lily thought about it for a moment before her eyes lit up.

“Alright, Sev. If you’re fighting someone like Bella, she wouldn’t hesitate to use anything on you, right?”

What a dumb question. “Of course not.”

“But if you’re fighting someone like me, there are curses I would never use and things I wouldn’t do. There are ways to win that don’t include unnecessary cruelty, Sev. I’ve fought Death Eaters before too and won and at the end, I hadn’t killed them and I hadn’t tortured them. At the end, I left them bound and gagged on the ground, fully aware of how badly they had lost because they weren’t lost in pain and humiliation. It’s a better victory if you play fair, Sev. Besides, there are rules to duelling. I know Mister Red Eyes agrees with me too. Why do you think he never lets you use the killing curse? Wouldn’t it be much easier to kill you opponent straight off the bat and not have to duel at all? Why do you think we duel, Sev? It’s so we can prove who the better wizard or witch is, not who can be crueler.”

Severus blinked, slowly thinking this over. It made sense.

Gorgon piped up from beside him. “Why you think dark master uses threat of lashing when dueling? Doesn’t want fair duel! Wants to see two people being cruel to each other, as cruel as possible. Why? So person falls quickly and other person wins. Sure, people fall from other hexes too, but not for sure. And if cruel, then remove that not sure. But this not the way duelling done in real world. Like Miss Lily said, it not fight to show who more cruel, but fight to show who better at ducking, countering, deflecting and such.”

Severus rubbed his aching head, the Banshees momentarily as lost in thought as he was. It made sense. After all, he had always hated being so horrible to his opponents during their duels, but the threat of a lashing removed those thoughts from his head. If there wouldn’t be that threat looming over his head, wouldn’t it be a much better victory if he had nailed the person with a simple charm? Yes, it would.

Smiling slightly, he flexed his fingers and rolled his shoulders. “Alright, I can play nice and fair.”

Evans smiled and took a few steps back. “Let’s see you put your wand where your mouth is, then.”

“Oh, you’ll see it alright. When you’re sprawled out on the floor, begging for mercy from the cruelty of a babbling charm. You just wait.”

Grinning, she raised her wand and they patiently waited until Gorgon told them to start before the hexes were flying again and the room was filled with two ducking, whirling, shouting and swearing teenagers.

 

**July 20 th, 1979**

**Hogwarts School**

 

“Ah, good morning, Severus. Please, come have a seat. How are you this morning?”

Severus stifled a yawn and wearily fell into the chair which he had considered ‘his’ since he was ten years old. “The Banshees have been good, sir, but this constant exercise is exhausting. Duelling for hours and then running around on Xira and this constant eating! Evans and Gorgon are trying to kill me, sir.”

Dumbledore chuckled as he fed a treat to an owl perched on his desk. “Well, you don’t look like you’re dead, dear, in fact, you look a lot better these days.”

Severus smiled shyly. It was true. He was feeling stronger and more sure of himself than he had in a long time. Evans and Gorgon did their best to keep his mind occupied during the day so the Banshees had no choice but to let him concentrate. It was only at nights that they clutched his mind, wailing and begging for something he refused to ever touch again. He hated dissolving into a mess of tears and moaning as his head burned and his hands trembled, but the headmaster or Gorgon would be right beside him, soothing him with words and gentle hands and humming old songs until he fell back to sleep.

“I wanted to talk about some serious issues I have spent many days debating and I feel that you are ready to focus on them.”

Severus nodded, having a small inkling of what they were about to discuss. As the end of the month crept closer, the reality that he would be returning to master soon filled with him excitement and dread. As Gorgon had said, neither of them knew how they would go about this spying business. Master wasn’t stupid.

“I know you and Gorgon have serious apprehensions about returning to him and about the possibility that he would find out, am I correct?”

Fear immediately flooded him and he gripped the armrests. “Yes, sir,” he said quietly, his eyes falling to the floor. “Master would find out. He never talks about such things with us, but he often amuses himself by eavesdropping on my and Bella’s mental conversations and he uses legilimency on many of his ministry spies when he suspects they are witholding information from him. He’d see my betrayal faster than I could blink, sir.”

The headmaster smiled. “Not if you had a way of only letting him see the thoughts you want him to see.”

Severus frowned, his mind working quickly. “You mean—you mean occlumency, sir?”

“Yes. Now, occlumency, as legilimency is a very difficult skill and can take years to master. However, occlumency can be used in varying degrees. It is not your intention of keeping him out of your mind entirely. This is extremely difficult and can be fatal if the person wanting to get in is more experienced and stronger. However, this isn’t your intent. If you attempted to keep him out of your mind, he would automatically become suspicious. Want you need to do is only let him see what you want him to see.”

Severus frowned. “What if I don’t know what he wants to see?”

“Then you must give him jumbled nonsense of memories and emotions which he can sort through at his leisure and believe that this is all that your mind has to offer him.”

“You mean I must learn to erect a wall between the thoughts I wish him to see and the thoughts I want to keep hidden?”

The headmaster’s eyes twinkled with approval but he raised a finger. “You’re nearly there. The trick is to make the wall undetectable. If he saw the wall, he would use up all of his energy breaking it down. This would leave you so overwhelmed with pain and confusion that you couldn’t fight back and you would be forced to reveal what is behind that wall. You need a way to completely suppress certain thoughts in your subconscious, burying them so deep that he can’t detect a single trace of them.”

Nodding slowly, Severus felt a bit better. This seemed much easier than trying to keep master out of his mind entirely. But then fear flooded him again.

“Sir, master is extremely powerful and he has been using legilimency for years. I would never be able to keep anything from him. He would find it.”

The headmaster smiled again. “All you need, Severus, is practice. And that’s what we’re here for. I’m afraid your gruelling schedule will become much more complicated if you choose to let me teach you. We don’t have a lot of time, but you are intelligent enough to learn this skill. Also, your mental bond with Miss Black and Fawkes have trained you for this without you realizing it. Everytime you turn your bond off or you ‘shut’ Fawkes out, you are suppressing their thoughts. You must suppress your own thoughts the exact same way.”

Severus took a deep breath. “Let’s get started then.”

Wasting no time, the headmaster nodded. “Alright, then. I want you to close your eyes and take deep, careful breaths, only concentrating on your breaths. I want you to clear your mind of all thoughts. Now, I want you to focus on one thought. Do you remember years ago when I was teaching you how to speak telepathically with Fawkes, and I showed you a picture of an apple?”

Frowning at the question, Severus immediately recalled that picture. A piece of parchment with a simple, red apple drawn in the center came into his mind.

“Alright, now I want you to banish that thought. I want you to bury it and forget about it and then open your eyes.”

Severus took a deep breath as he slowly allowed his other memories to come back, coating the picture of the apple. He started recalling bits and pieces of random memory and put then all on top of the apple until he couldn’t see it anymore.

Then he opened his eyes.

“Good. Now, I’m going to enter your mind and try to find the picture. I want you to keep me distracted. Don’t linger on the picture or else your own mind will pull me towards it with ease. Think about anything else and let me see that.”

Severus stared into the headmaster’s blue eyes and he vaguelly heard the whispered ‘ _Legilimens_ ’ and then felt a gentle, probbing presence in his mind. For a moment, he nearly relaxed at the calm presence sitting in his mind, not doing anything, but then the presence started moving and Severus found himself thinking about yesterday’s duel with Evans. Just as he saw Evans dodging a curse and then tripping over the hem of her own robe and collapsing with a laugh, he suddenly found himself thinking about arguing with Myrtle years ago about who had put soap on her mirrors. Quickly, he came to realize that he wasn’t in control of what the headmaster was seeing. Swearing at himself, he quickly started concentrating. The headmaster had been nice until now. He could have just walked right in and found the picture and Severus would have just stared. He saw the presence starting to sift through the top layers of the memories he had stacked on top of the picture as the earliest ones flooded his mind. Quickly, he thought of another memory and focused on it, feeling the presence pause and then dart after it, examining it. When it became bored with that, Severus pulled out another memory, letting it look at that.

Suddenly, he became aware of somebody gently picking him up. Realizing his eyes were closed and he was gasping for breath, he opened his eyes.

“Easy now, dear. That’s it. Let’s take a break.”

Realizing that he was on the floor and the headmaster was lifting him up, he tried to stand on his own two feet but his exhaustion was so great that he nearly collapsed.

They stumbled over to the couch and the headmaster sat down, pulling Severus onto his lap and gently holding him.

Severus winced slightly at the faint throbbing in his head. “I didn’t realize how exhausting that would be. It didn’t seem exhausting.”

“It is one of the great dangers of playing around in our minds. One loses track of time and of ones own body and great harm can come to those who don’t take breaks often enough.”

Severus nodded, his breathing calming as he slowly closed his eyes, snuggling in the headmaster’s warmth.

“You were right, headmaster. It was exactly like keeping Bella from prying around in things that were none of her business. She was always probbing around when she was bored and I just threw other thoughts at her to make her bored so she’d leave me alone.”

The headmaster chuckled. “You did remarkably well. It took you a while to figure out that you must always be in control of what I see, but you corrected the mistake very quickly. It was very well done.”

Severus took a deep breath. “But, sir, hiding thoughts like the fact that I told you everything and that I agreed to spy for you is a lot different than hiding a picture of an apple.”

“Not really. The complexity of the thought has little to do with it. Emotions can be hidden just as easily. As long as you don’t dwell on them and you push them away and remain in control of what you allow others to see, there is very little difference.”

“But master never probes the same way you do. Most of the spies are screaming from the headaches within a few minutes.” A faint tremor of fear passed through him and the headmaster tightened his arms around him and  kissed him on the forehead.

“This is why we must practice, child. And we will. Besides, I do believe he won’t be as excessive with you as he is with his ministry spies. He knows that their loyalties could easily waver but he is convinced that yours never would. What’s more, he believes you to be so completely under his control that you would never have reason to hide any thoughts from him. I hope that this will prevent him from being too harsh and pushing you to your limits.”

Severus smiled faintly. “I doubt master would believe it, even if he knew the truth. He knows Bella and I are his and his alone. And in a way we are. He has our souls and our bodies to do with as he pleases.”

“But he never got to your mind, dear. And that is what I still thank the heavens for. He underestimated you and will hopefully continue doing so.”

 

**July 22 nd, 1979**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Reaching into the pocket of his robes, Severus took out an apple and bit into it.

Evans sat beside him, legs dangling over the edge of the roof. She was poring over a report Moody had sent her, demanding her input.

She frowned. “That damn liquid cruciatus junk put two more Aurors into St. Mungo’s.”

Severus nearly choked on his apple. Swallowing with difficulty, he avoided looking at her. He had made that potion. He had invented it and given it to master and people were being tortured with it.

He had silently given the headmaster a list of all the potions he had helped develop for master but hadn’t told Evans about it, not wanting to hear what she had to say. None of it could compare to what he had been saying to himself.

Briefly closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. Damn it. So many stupid decisions. So many stupid mistakes. And people suffered for it. Innocent people. The girl’s haunted blue eyes floated into his mind, staring at him with anger and accusation.

I know you hate me. I hate myself too. But at least I’m trying to make things right.

She kept staring, unmoved. He hadn’t expected anything less.

Sighing, he glanced at Evans. “Give me a scrap of parchment and your quill.”

She frowned but gave them to him. Frowning, he tried to remember all the ingredients in that horrid potion. Picturing them in his mind, he carefully started writing down various ingredients which would counteract them, using the knowledge the headmaster had insisted he learn years ago. Never do something unless you can undo it. Although he hadn’t headed those words of advice then, now was high time to do so.

Scribbling on the parchment, he made some quick mental calculations and then handed it to her.

“Give that to the researchers at the ministry. Marlene McKinnon’s people. It’s not an exact recipe but they know the proper ways to test it and come up with the final antidote. I put the list of ingredients for the actual potion on there too in case they get stuck. Tell them you found it in some old text in the old wizarding library in London. Even if they don’t buy it, they won’t refuse it,” He mumbled, not looking at her.

Lily took the parchment and carefully put it into her robes, keeping her eyes on him.

“You made that potion, didn’t you, Sev?”

He swallowed hard. “Yes, I did.” He wanted to tell her that master had demanded it and had been so pleased when he succeeded and Dolohov had given it to him as a special project and not doing what master wanted was never an option, but he knew it didn’t justify the dozens of Aurors who had suffered for it. No scientific breakthrough justified people suffering because of it.

She gently took his hand and squeezed it. “I won’t pretend that I’m not a bit angry, Sev. I knew some of those Aurors who are now either dead or in St. Mungo’s because of it, but I know you’ll make up for it.”

He shook his head. “There’s no way to make up for it, Evans. Dead people stay dead no matter what you do.”

She grabbed his chin and made him look at her. “Maybe. But at least now, we can keep some more alive and it’ll be because of you. You can’t undo the past, Sev, but you can shape the future into whatever you want it to. And you’re on the right side now. Any evil deed can be made up for. The question is just what one must do in order to make up for it properly.”

He took a deep breath. She gave him a quirky smile and then dropped her hands into her lap, both of them staring out into the glorious sunset behind the lake.

“What does Potter say about you spending so much time here, anyway?”

She snorted. “He had the gall to ask me if I’m having an affair the other day. I told him yes, just so he’d stew and worry about it for a while. It does him good. It keeps him on his toes and reminds him exactly who’s in charge of my things.”

Severus smiled. “Evans, you really are something.”

She smirked. “It’s none of his business where I spend my time when I choose not to tell him. He needs to be reminded of that from time to time. Of course I love him to pieces and I always will, but nobody calls my shots for me, Sev and nobody ever will.”

 

**July 26 th, 1979**

**Hogwarts School**

 

Taking a slow, deep breath, Severus forced himself to remain focused and allowed the headmaster to see his conversation with Evans from two days ago, doing his best to dwell on that memory as if it was extremely important and keeping him away from other, more harmful memories. They had started to practice as if the headmaster were really master and Severus was trying to keep him away from any memory which might betray him.

Albus had been adamant about Severus maintaining a calm demeanor while he probed within his mind. Gritting his teeth and letting master see how exhausting it was to feed him only memories he wanted him to see was a sure sign that he was hiding something.

Although they had only been practicing for a few days, Severus found it easier than the first time.

Pulling forth old childhood memories and scraps of his years at Hogwarts, Severus could keep the headmaster busy for however long he dwelled in his mind and carefully not think about any dangerous thoughts.

The headmaster also riled him up, making him so angry that he nearly burst and then encouraged him to hide that anger, from his mind and his face.

Severus slowly learned how to hide his emotions from himself, a trait which didn’t please anybody, but a trait which would help him survive.

He learned how to empty his mind and his face in a single second and calmly allow the headmaster to wander through his mind, probbing around thoughts which Severus carefully fed him.

The headmaster would send him mental requests of different emotions—anger, pain, love, exhaustion—and Severus would try to summon that emotion deep within him and allow traces of it to seep into his thoughts. Severus knew this was especially important. If master ever detected his anger and his hatred towards him, it would all be over.

Finally, the headmaster declared that he was as ready as he could possibly be, given the small amount of time they had been given. Although the summons was still three days away, he declared that it was time to address some other issues.

He called Gorgon, Lily and Severus into his office and offered them all chocolate frogs. Severus warily took one, the faint thought in his head that it might be a bit too fattening, but then decided that nibbling on it wouldn’t be that bad. He was already fearful of what master would say if he saw how much weight he had gained, but Gorgon kept insisting that he looked a bit healthier now, not fat and that he was still underweight.

“So, it is time to address some issues which have been plaguing you all for days now. Yes, your body and mind are as prepared as we can possibly make them, Severus, but there is the issue of the protection I had promised you.”

Severus and Gorgon eagerly leaned forward, having waited for this.

“I have spent a great deal of time carefully considering ways to help you. These ways must be able to save your life and offer you assistance, but at the same time, they must be untraceable, of course.”

Reaching into his desk, he withdrew a black leather chain on which a medallion glinted. Severus leaned forward and stared at it in fascination.

The medallion consisted of two opposing silver serpents, twisting around each other and their tails in each other’s mouths. A third serpent was coiled around the middle of their entwined bodies, its mouth open wide as it hissed. All of the serpents eyes were glowing a deep, jade green.

For one tiny second, the green reminded him of his crystals but he quickly squashed the Banshees’ protests before they could start. Gritting his teeth, he remained focused.

“Professor Bodin was kind enough to rummage around in his drawers until he found it. Traditionally, it has always been given to the Heads of Slytherin house, but since Raymond hasn’t ever found any need for it, he said he would gladly give it up. He doesn’t particularily like snakes anyway, he claims.”

Evans frowned as she stared at it. “What is it, headmaster?”

“This, Mrs. Potter, is Salazar Slytherin’s medallion. All four Founders had their own medallions into which they not only infused some magical properties, but they locked their own essences within it. Since their time, every head of house has been given their respective medallion and in times of need, they can summon up their Founder and ask them for assistance. Some heads use them quite often but some, like Professor Bodin, don’t find their particular Founder to be a thrilling conversationalist so they forget about it.”

Severus stared at it. That medallion contained the essence of Salazar Slytherin himself. He nearly forgot to breathe.

Gorgon was frowning. “This all good, headmaster, but how young master hide this? If pardon frankness, but young master not often have many clothes on when with dark master. Would be very suspicious, and if Gorgy not wrong, dark master would like this medallion very much. Liked Master Slytherin very much too.”

Severus shook himself out of his awe and admitted that his elf had a valid point.

The headmaster smiled. “There is a very clever way to hide these medallions. There are many people in this world who have taken great pains to try and find them and unleash the amazing powers they assume are hidden within—which I’m sorry to say is very far from the truth. The medallions are merely ways to communicate with the Founders in times of distress and indecision. Anyway, if you would lean forward, Severus.”

Warily, Severus leaned forward and the headmaster gently lowered the chain over his head.

As soon as the medallion touched his robed chest, it vanished. Gaping at the black robe, he groped and felt his fingers touching the medallion and the chain, although he couldn’t see them.

Lily and Gorgon were both staring at his chest with wide eyes. The headmaster smiled.

“It remains invisible as long as it hangs around your neck. You must be careful never to pull it off in public since it will immediately become visible. Furthermore, I spent some time tweaking it a little bit. Although you can feel it, nobody else can. This will make it completely undetectable where anybody is concerned, especially certain greedy Dark Lords.”

Severus was staring at the medallion in too much awe to react to the mild insult. He traced the edge of it, amazed to be touching something he couldn’t see.

“How do I summon Mr. Slytherin?”

“That’s all too simple. Just remove the medallion from your neck and ask to speak with him. It’s best to be extremely polite where Salazar is concerned or he might decide not to show himself.”

The headmaster leaned back, smiling as Gorgon leaned over and tried to touch the medallion but only grasped empty air in the exact same place where Severus was running a finger along the edge of it. Lily was grinning smugly. “Take that, Mister Red Eyes.”

“Now, if I might divert your attentions back to me, there is something else I thought of.”

Albus cleared his throat and waited until they were all looking at him.

“There may come a time when you have to communicate with me directly very quickly and apparating or using owls or even sending Gorgon would take up too much time. Furthermore, I want you to have the best possible protection. I will be giving you a body guard of sorts, Severus. Someone who can accompany you anywhere you go and help you if you need it.”

Severus frowned. “I have Gorgon, sir.”

“Yes, dear, and as much as Gorgon is capable of, he is still unable to accompany you everywhere in the manor, am I correct?”

Severus nodded while Gorgon looked a bit upset with himself. Severus glanced at him and smiled faintly, trying to make him feel better. It wasn’t his fault.

“So, I have found someone who would be perfect for this role, should he choose to accept it.”

Without another word, he turned in his chair and nodded at Fawkes, who was busily preening himself and not paying attention. When he realized Albus was staring at him, the phoenix stared at him, blinking and then looking back and forth between him and Severus.

Severus and Fawkes understood at the same time.

“Headmaster, you can’t be serious!”

“ _Albus! I thought we were merely having a hypothetical discussion the other night! You can’t be serious about this_!”

“Headmaster, he is a whining useless bird and spends more cleaning himself and complaining than anything else!”

“ _I resent that remark, but I absolutely refuse to be drawn into this madness! Go to that dreadful manor of madness?! You must be mad, Albus! I absolutely refuse_!”

Dumbledore smiled before holding up a hand and stemming the protests.

“Fawkes, Severus, please. Hear me out. I know this arrangement isn’t completely agreeable, but it is the only way I can give Severus the protection he needs.”

Severus frowned. “Headmaster, I cannot walk around the dark manor with a phoenix on my shoulder!” He stared at him as if he really was joking and was just waiting for the headmaster to laugh and say he was just kidding.

“I am absolutely serious about this and I wouldn’t suggest it otherwise. Fawkes, you have magical capablities which can aid Severus greatly in times of trouble, and furthermore, your bond with me will allow me to learn of any information in a fast and timely manner.”  
”But headmaster—”

“ _Albus_ —”

“Fawkes has the capability to transfigure himself into anything he wishes. If he were a simple potion vial in your robe pockets, nobody would ever suspect anything. He can conceal his magic well enough to be undetectable. Now, I know you both realize how convenient this arrangement will be.”

Severus sighed and glanced at Gorgon, who was nodding in obvious approval and Lily, who was grinning smugly again. Then he glanced up at the red feathered phoenix, who stared at him with his dark eyes, twittering and stamping his foot on his perch.

“I’ll only make you come if you really want to, Fawkes. I won’t force you,” Severus said, meaning it. The last thing he needed was to have to drag the fussy, prissy creature around, listening to him whining and complaining.

The headmaster was staring at Fawkes, who blinked at him.

“ _Albus, I can’t believe you are seriously asking me to do this. I want to stay here in my nice, clean cage and not have to fuss with things. It’s enough that I have to run everywhere with urgent messages in dreadful weather, but this is entirely different_.”

“ _You know I wouldn’t ask unless Severus’ survival depended on it, old friend. You are the only one who can do this_.”

Fawkes sighed heavily and then glanced at Severus, quietly debating it. “ _Alright. Fine. I’ll do it. But it doesn’t mean I have to like it_!”

Albus smiled. “ _Of course not. But before you start complaining and fussing about it, I need you to make me a promise_.”

The bird sighed again. “ _What now_?”

“ _I must have your word that you will never abandon him. No matter how terrible or urgent the situation is, I need you to always stay with him. Will you give me your word on it_?”

Fawkes shifted on his perch but then sighed once more. “ _Alright, I promise_.”

The headmaster smiled around at everyone. “In that case, it’s settled then.”

Evans and Gorgon got up, chattering about how brilliant the medallion was and disappeared out of the room.

Severus slowly stood up, staring at the headmaster and then looking at Fawkes.

The phoenix slightly narrowed his eyes at him. “ _I hope you realize we have no idea what we’re getting ourselves into_.”

Severus smiled faintly. “According to Evans, that’s sometimes the best part of life, bird.”

Fawkes grumbled something rude into his head and then turned his back on them.

The headmaster’s eyes twinkled with satisfaction. Severus stared at him and the smile faded from his face as he bit his lip with worry.

“You’ll do fine.”

Severus sighed, not entirely sure of this whole mess anymore, but then he clenched his jaw, held his head up and nodded firmly.

“If you will excuse me, headmaster? I have some dueling to do downstairs.”

“Of course, dear. Good luck.”

 

**July 28 th, 1979**

**Hogwarts School**

 

The old clock hanging on the wall quietly ticked away the seconds, dragging the night closer to morning with each sound.

Severus lay awake in bed, listening to his elf’s quiet snores and the musical chirp every time Fawkes exhaled. He glanced at them both. How could they be sleeping? In a few hours, his arm would burn and they would have to go back.

Back to master. Back to hell. And he would go with his heart having been marked as a traitor.

Slowly, he pulled up his left arm and pushed up the sleeve of his nightgown and stared at the black mark, the eyes glowing a faint blue. Those eyes would be red again tomorrow and that eternal itching and twitching would be gone too.

A small part of him filled with excitement. He would see master tomorrow. And Bella.

But that excitement quickly faded as fear flooded him. He stared at the black skull on his arm. The eyes seemed to be glaring at him and he nearly swore he heard the serpent hissing. _Traitor_. _Traitor_. _Spy_. _Spy_.

That’s what he was now. He knew he could change his mind about it but he refused to. He had to do this. He tried to feel determined and brave, but only that fear remained.

What if master found out? What if he made a stupid mistake? He really didn’t know much about what he was supposed to be doing. The headmaster had given him a few suggestions but said he should do what he deemed as safe in his own mind.

The skull was still glaring at him. Accusing him.

Severus swallowed hard, the fear seizing him. Master would be unbelievably angry if he found out. He wouldn’t die quickly, he knew that. But he would be wishing he were dead long before he would be granted his wish.

He glanced at his elf peacefully slumbering at the foot of his bed and the sleeping phoenix on his perch.

They would be killed too if he made a mistake.

Another shiver of fear passed through him.

He barely heard the door opening with a quiet click and he yanked his sleeve down just before the headmaster stepped inside.

Albus quietly walked up to him and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

Severus shook his head. He wanted to blurt out the truth but didn’t want to burden the headmaster with it. He had already done far too much for him.

“I’m fine, headmaster. I’m just not very tired.”

“Banshees?”

“No. They’re pretty quiet. They had a bad fit this afternoon while I was out riding but they’ve been quiet since then. Evans yelled at them quite harshly.”

Albus chuckled quietly and then glanced at the other two sleeping figures, making sure their talking wasn’t disturbing them.

Severus took a deep breath and felt the headmaster looking at him with those sparkling blue eyes filled with kindness.

“What is it, child?”

“I’m—I’m scared, headmaster.”

Albus sighed heavily and gently pushed a strand of hair off his forehead. “I know you are, and you know that you don’t have to do this. I can keep you here as long as I can and then I can help find you someplace safe to run to.”

Severus shook his head, swallowing the lump of fear in his throat. “No, sir. I’m going to do this. I only wish it wouldn’t terrify me so badly.”

Albus leaned over and gently pulled him into his arms, holding him. “I know you’re scared. Any sane person would be scared. You must remember to stay strong and keep in control of your emotions. If you control your fear then you can vanquish it and he will never see it.”

Severus nodded, burying himself into the headmaster’s warmth and comfort as the old wizard put his chin on the dark head.

“And you must always remember that Hogwarts will always be here for you. As will I. I promise,” he whispered.

Severus sighed, feeling his fear slightly easing as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to slip into sleep, feeling safety and comfort in the old wizard’s arms.

 

**July 29 th, 1979**

**Hogwarts School**

 

“This is your last chance to change your mind, bird,” Severus muttered, attaching his cloak to his shoulders by the silver dark mark clips.

Fawkes sighed heavily. “ _Oh, what the hell. If you’re going to go and throw yourself into hell, I might as well come along for the laugh_.”

With another dramatic sigh, he flew off Albus’ shoulder and onto Severus’. Gorgon was pulling twigs out of Xira’s mane, who stood quietly next to her young rider.

Severus pulled his mask out and held it in his hands, trying to ignore the incessant burning on his arm.

Lily crossed her arms, staring at him. “You’re sure you want to do this, Sev?”

He glanced up, pulling his gloves on. He smiled faintly, trying to quell the fear in his stomach. “Yes, Evans.”

She bit her lip and then nodded firmly. “Alright, but as soon as you get back here, you floo me faster than you can blink, understood?”

He nodded. With a tearful sigh, she pulled him into a fierce hug, nearly crushing him.

“Be careful, Sev, and always keep your eyes open, you hear?”

He smiled, tightening his grip on her. “I will.”

Then she released him and stepped back. The headmaster smiled at them all.

“Well, this is the strangest but bravest team of heroes I have ever seen.”

Severus snorted and Fawkes echoed it. “ _We’re not heroes, Albus. Just crazy fools_.”

The headmaster knelt down and held out his hand to Gorgon, who shook it firmly. “Take care of yourself, old friend and bring them all back.”

“I will, headmaster. I promise.”

Then the headmaster straightened up and stared at Severus before pulling him into a tight hug and kissing his head gently.

“Be careful, child. Please, be careful,” he whispered. “Use your strengths. I know you don’t know what they are yet, but you will.”

Severus nodded, breathing in the headmaster’s familiar smell of ink, magic and lemon drops. “I’ll try.”

The burning on his arm reached a new pitch and Severus released the headmaster with a hiss, rubbing it.

“Alright, we have to go. Fawkes, make yourself a bit less obvious.”

With an indignant squawk, the phoenix shook himself, and moments later, a tiny vial filled with red, sparkling liquid landed in Severus’ hands, which he carefully put into his robe pocket, adding it to other vials of sleeping draughts and numbing potions which he had whipped up to make the one vial less conspicuous.

Pulling his mask on, he turned around and helped Gorgon up before climbing onto Xira’s back. She snorted and stamped her hooves, impatient to be off.

Lily and the headmaster stepped back and Severus gave them a nod, clenching his jaw to keep his fear under control.

“I’ll tell Fawkes to let you know if anything happens, headmaster. I’ll see you soon.”

Without another word, he gave Xira a low whistle and she galloped off across the grounds, her hooves thudding on the grass as she reached the gates. They gracefully opened up and they ran through them, Severus’ cloak whipping in the wind, one hand tightly clutching Gorgon and the other tangled in Xira’s mane. As soon as they passed through the gates, he gave Xira another whistle and she spread her wings and pushed off the ground, galloping up into the air and taking them to where her soul was pulling her.

 

*             *             *

 

Lily and the headmaster stared after them in the dim gloom of early dawn, watching the four figures rising through the air and slowly diminishing until they became a small, black speck in the wind and then vanished.

“May Merlin go with them,” the headmaster whispered.

Lily smiled at him. “They don’t need Merlin, headmaster. They’ll be fine. I believe in them and I know they’ll be back.”

“Your faith has never seized to amaze me, Mrs. Potter.”

“It’s not faith as much as trust, headmaster. I trust life to give everyone exactly what they need when they need it. It won’t let them down.”


End file.
